To Bro....Or Not To Bro.

It has been a minute but I am back on the scene! Saturday was awesome as I “helped” Copper move (Note: Playing DOA4 for the Xbox360 until 5am is NOT a good idea. I keep thinking Jahn Lee is going to jumpkick me through a fucking wall) and partook in nearly 12 hours of drinking. Or for my size….happy hour. Good times were had by all.

Also, I went to see “Wanted” and “Wall-E” on Friday and I must say that while both were good, WANTED WAS FUCKING AWESOME. I was expecting very little from it and was blown away by the violence and action. I thought it would be over the top and hokey but instead it was action-packed and not as outlandish as I expected it to be. Wall-E was great although the thought of robot love is just as forgien to me as real love but aside from that it was a good family film. I can say this with certainty: it was the worst of all the Pixar films. Now don’t get me wrong. It kicked total ass but aside from Toy Story 2 (Which I DID NOT LIKE AT ALL but that is just me) this was the one Pixar movie that I am probably not going to see again. Wanted on the other hand has me pumped EVEN MORE for Batman Begins as we are three for three with comic book movies this summer (Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk were both bad ass and Wanted was rather serviceable) not including Hellboy 2 which looks very good. Man, this may be the best summer ever! Even better than the summer at Camp Anawanna

Now, for something really quick. So on my way back from buying some dress clothes I saw a jeep full of bros. Not a new event but in said jeep were four bros. Dressed in one color outfits…like the fucking Power Rangers. One wore all red, one had all yellow, one had all green and the other had all Carolina blue. It was the GAYEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN and I have seen two dudes kissing. And that is as gay as it gets…I mean until I saw THAT. Almost ruined my damn day.

Okay, this was short but I will go back to blogging next week. There will be a rant this week (I’M BACK!!) so stay tuned. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.

G's Into Gents Will Be The Worst TV SHOW EVER.

Gents Will Be The Worst Show On Television.It is Friday and I have an (eternal for the time being) three day weekend! In celebration, you know what time it is!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get going!

20. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #17)
Looks like “Paris, Tokyo” has hit my rotation hard. Look for it on the Countdown soon. Meanwhile, this video was a bit of a letdown after the dominance or “Us Placers” but still going pretty strong for Lupe this summer.
19. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (New Entry)

Well, well, well! Looks like Naruto: Shippuden has put a second opening theme on the Countdown! We all know what happened last time the show put an opening theme on here….it dominated. I have always been a fan of Ikimonogakari, especially that song from the Japanese soundtrack for “Monster House.” Still haven’t seen the movie, though.
18. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #15)
Looks like it is over for The Arc! After coming so close to taking the top spot they have continued to fall ever since. Are they going to make a comeback soon or are they resting up?
17. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #20)

Yes, Seamo is moving up this week. The more I watch this video the more I fricking love it. Damn you, Seamo! Damn you and your awesome video!
16. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #14)
You know, I don’t hate her as much as I did about five months ago. My hatred is now directed at Katy Perry and that dumb ass “Kissed A Girl” song. Didn’t someone already make that song? And it was a lot better, too.
15. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #18)
CRAP. I am totally going to jail for this one. This song is way too catchy to NOT be on here. The video is…um….yeah I’m going to jail.
14. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #12, One Week at #1)

So it looks like Kanye Is coming back. And he will be with Young Jeezy. A video for “Put On” should be out shortly and dammit I LOVE THIS TRACK. Shit….I am a Young Jeezy fan. DAMN YOU, JEEZY!
13. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13)
UVERworld stands pat at number 13 for the third straight week as “Geikido” is proving to kick a lot more ass than this video. Has kind of a “D-Technolife” feel to it.
12. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #16)
Just got the single and damn it this song is kickass! It moves up four spots this week which is the most of any video to boot. Look for the TM cameo at the end!
11. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #10, Three Weeks at #1)
Usher falls out of the Top 10 for the first time in two months as “Love In The Club” no longer has love in the Top 10. Even though he has another video to come, one of the biggest videos of the early summer takes a tumble.
10. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #9)

After peaking at number nine for two straight weeks Aqua Timez falls back a spot but still holds on to the Top 10. Not as dominant of a run as “Alones” but few things are.
9. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #11)
BACK-ON is in the Top 10! First time out and they are moving up very quickly. I am still waiting for an album from these guys but thems are the breaks I guess. I better not have to wait much longer lest I flip the fuck out.
8. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #5)
WHERE IN THE FUCK IS “CHU-BURA?!” I AM ABOUT THROUGH PLAYING AROUND WITH YOU!
7. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #8)
Usher moves up a single spot this week as we inch closer to the top. You know, this video is moving up slowly compared to “Love In The Club” which is kind of a shock. After going 4 years or so without Ush I figured he would dominate. Cosmic.
6. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #3, Two Weeks at #1)
Kobuta and Misia fall out of the top five for the first time in over six weeks as we move along. With a new single out for both starts, 2008 looks to be a big year. Also…I still cruise to this jam.
5. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #7)

The Game is back! After almost a year hiatus, Game is back in the Top Five! One of the most dominant rap acts on the Countdown, Game looks to continue his run and hopefully take the top spot for the first time ever. We move on up…
4. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #6)
Chris Brown is looking to be to new Usher! Well, kind of anyway. Chris Brown moves up a big two spots this week and rests just outside the Top Three. Pretty good for a guy that was almost banned from this bad boy last year. We are down to three!!
3. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #2)
Alicia Keys falls! After making it to number two and looking to take the crown, Alicia falls a HUGE spot to number three! Is this the end of her run as Queen of The Countdown?
2. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #4)

Once again, Paramore captures the runner up spot! I have been jamming to this for a while, mainly because love sucks but even still this song is awesome. After the lackluster performance of “Crushcrushcrush” this could be the video that brings them their first number one! But first, they have to knock off the reigning champs!
1. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

YA-KYIM hold on for yet another week! It has been three strong weeks for these three sexy ladies as they stake claim to being maybe one of the biggest acts of the year! This video is awesome and their live performance….let’s just say it was fricking hot. Big ups for three sexy weeks at the top!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can make it a full month at the top! Or will Paramore FINALLY take the throne? Or can Alicia Keys rebound and get her third number one video of the last 9 months? See you in seven!

So tonight it is ALL ABOUT WALL-E! Fricking kids are going to be there so it is going to be rough but still. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody!

It is about that time! ABDC is on and it is about that time for a crew by crew rundown! Let’s get this bad boy started!

Sass X7 in the bottom three. I SO CALLED THAT SHIT, SON!

First Crew: Super Cr3w (Chris Brown’s “Run It”)

Okay, it was going to be hard to top last week but they really did. Chris Brown’s “Run It” doesn’t really do them justice but they still ripped it. Started off the show right.

Secomd Crew: Fanny Pak (Gwen Stefani’s “Wind It Up”)

FUCK GWEN STEFANI. Seriously, she is the new age Madonna but twice as annoying. However, I liked this performance. They did what they do best: dance like they are going through a conniption. It worked, though. Not as good as Super Cr3w, but still.

Third Crew: Supreme Soul (Omarion’s “Touch”)

Um…okay I LIKED this performance. Don’t get it twisted. However….they can do a lot better. Was digging the free portion, though. That is where they shine. Second best performance….barely. Fanny Pak is looking a lot better though.

Fourth Crew: Phresh Select (Chris Brown’s “Gimme That”)

More Chris Brown? Aw, fuck. Either way this was just run of the mill. Not bad but not AWESOME like Super Cr3w’s. I hope they don’t repeat artists again. This performance was pretty good, but not enough of the crew. They really just redid the video which was the task but after last week and creating an identity they should have played more to that.

Back from commercial! God…..Mario Lopez is the gayest gay to every gay a gay.

BOOGIE BOTS IN THE BOTTOM THREE?! THERE IS NO FUCKING GOD!

Fifth Crew: A.S.I.I.D (Ciara’s “Like A Boy”)

Wow….so many jokes about the two gay Black men. Hey look, it’s 50 Cent and Tony Yayo! BURN! Oh, here we go. HOLY SHIT, THEY PULLED OFF THE MATRIX LEAN! They win. Well…that was underwhelming. I mean it was great but it wasn’t going to be as balls out as I expected. They pulled off the video portion. Not mind-blowing but well created and well executed.

On another note: my god…I HATE LIL’ MAMA SO MUCH. Whenever she speaks I just want her to fucking die. I know that sounds extreme but she really either needs to go to school or never talk. I don’t care how rich that bitch is, learn to fucking talk or shut the fuck up. You sound like you belong in Rikers. Fee fi fo figga I hates me a nigga…..that means you. Okay, I am off the soapbox. Commercial break!

Crew Six: So Real Cru (Usher’s “Love In The Club”)

FUCK YES! USHER IN THE HOUSE, BITCHES! THEY ARE KILLING IT! Oooohhhh, a little slip up in the end (VERY LITTLE, odds are you missed it if you blinked) but aside from that they were awesome! I love their choreography, reminds me of Kaba Modern but with a lot more movement. The comparisons end there because they aren’t as detailed as Kaba but their movements are more pronounced. I know that makes no sense but watch the two and you will get it (Small movements compared to sweeping ones. Trust me the difference is there). Oh, and Lil’ Mama is literally the Paula Abdul of this show: incoherent and ill-informed. She didn’t know Fanny Pak was an 80’s group and is constantly just sounding….dumb.

Bottom Three: Boogie Bots, Sass X7 and Xtreme Dance Cockmongers.

My god, how the XDC has fallen. They started off so awesome but…no. I am surprised by Boogie Bots being in the bottom three. Here we go….

Bottom Two Crew #1: Sass X7 (I FUCKING TOLD YOU!)
Bottom Two Crew #2: BOOGIE BOTS?! WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?! God you all suck ass and I hope you all die!

God….I hate people. I hate them so much. Well, let the suckiest suckfucks performance begin.

Crew #7: Xtreme Dance Fuckwads (Mario’s “Let Me Love You”….Um…What?)

Okay, they got a raw deal because they got a song that doesn’t really fit with their style or against their competition. Aaaaaaand it shows. It was average. Although I can’t blame them because the song was “meh.” God, I hate Lil’ Mama so much. Nothing she says makes any fucking sense. Overall, I didn’t like it. But since all of America can vote they will be back. Hopefully they will split the dumb bitch vote with Sass XSuck.

Commercial time!

So we are left with the bottom two:

Bottom Two “Oh, It’s On Now!” Showdown: Boogie Bots vs. Sass X7

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Crew #8: Boogie Bots (B2K’s “Bump, Bump, Bump”)

They do NOT deserve to be in the bottom two. But that’s life. HILY SHIT! THEY ARE RIPPING THIS SONG UP! Okay, not a lot of breaking but not much breaking time in a B2K song. Great performance if I say so myself.

Crew #9: Sass x7 (Britney Spear’s “Slave 4 U”)

My god….this shit is so fucking fixed. How does an all female crew get BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS AT RANDOM?! Bullshit! Aaaaand they all look like Britney. Well, they have the video down. That is for damn sure. However, I am not understanding what the point of that was. They didn’t have a freestyle portion which in my opinion really cost them.

Okay, the Boogie Bots outperformed Sass x7 head to head. However….I have a feeling they are going to pull a Live In Color and overlook a better performance in favor of a crowd pleaser. Now I am not going to take anything away from Sass x7, they were better than Xtreme Dance Fucktards by leaps and bounds. But head to head against the Boogie Bots their performance was exciting as much as it was a dead ringer for the video. That was the task, but Boogie Bots did the task just as good (Actually, a tad bit better because their video had a little more difficulty for the section they chose) AND added stunts and humor to the performance. Not my choice, though.

More commercials! Do I need a home loan? Ask me in two months!

Here we go….tension building….

Eliminated Crew: Sass x7!

Wow…they got it right. That’ll do, judges. That’ll do. Boogie Bots will be in the bottom two next week again, though.

Quick recap!

Best Performance: So Real Cru/Super Cr3w
You thought I was going to say Super Cr3w? Well I was gonna until looking at their routine a second time (And third). That fucking dance routine in that video is HARD and they pulled it off almost perfectly. It was kind of like the BCS title game last year. So Real Cru has some defeats (LSU) but its about what you did. Super Cr3w had a FLAWLESS routine (Ohio State) but it really wasn’t as difficult.

Worst Performance: Xtreme Dance Crew
Now a lot of this has to do with the video they got stuck with but still. I just don’t fucking like them.

Next Weeks Bottom Two Crews: Phresh Select & Xtreme Dance Crew
Bit of a shocker but being the second Chris Brown song and being in the middle of the show could hurt them. You never know though.

I will try this again next week. Let me know if you dig this style of recap because whether or not I do this I am still gonna watch. Countdown up in a bit. Stay up!

Chachi Out.

Guess I Gotta Put The Welcome Mat Out...See Who Comes A Knockin.

IT’S ME BITCHES!!!

I am back after a lengthy hiatus (Been gone since Sunday I believe, and that is long seeing as how I had like 23 straight days of posts) and all I can say is that it has been a very….taxing three days. I aint gonna trip because it was my own choosing but at the same time…sometimes you got to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. Preach it, 40 Water…preach it.

So enough with being a downer as hopefully shit will fix itself up soon. I DO have a huge issue with some things out there and dammit, now is as good a time as any to get some shit off of my chest.

Issue #1: Reality BITES!

Okay, after hearing people say that “The Hills” and “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” weren’t like normal reality shows, I figured since I have a few free days on my hands I will watch a few minutes of each. All I can say is that if this is what passes for entertainment in America….we need to die off. Since when was White people with problems entertainment? White people getting mauled by animals is entertainment, not seeing them cry on cue because they are “sad” which isn’t allowed to be an emotion for white people because you are FUCKING WHITE. I look at being White and unhappy the same way I look at women being broke: it is your own fucking fault. Just like if ladies are broke they aint trying (Pussy and its illusion will always sell. Not to me, but so some lonely fuck out there) the same goes for White people. Being White is like being a 7-foot Black dude in the projects: if you aint ballin then you aint trying. So I could give a fuck about reality TV because that shit aint reality. I’ve seen The Real World film in Denver (I was in the background on 16th Street Mall and at the Monarch. I’m….so lame) and aint nothing real about it. It is filmed like your everyday, run of the mill TV show except with a lower budget and more stupidity since there are no scripts. Don’t forget: Hitler loved the MTV. You’re better than Hitler….aren’t you?

Issue #2: Ayo, Technology. USE IT, BITCHES!

So today on my way to the store when I saw a bike at a stoplight on Murray and something (Before Pikes Peak but after Galley I think) and there was a bike there. At the light. Waiting for it to turn green. Well, after a full cycle his light didn’t turn green and he got all pissy and looked at me and motioned if he could cross the intersection. Now disregard the fact I had THE GREEN FUCKING LIGHT and green means move your ass. There was other traffic to adhere to for one and for two YOU ARE A FUCKING BIKE. Understand one thing, bike riders:

YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAR. Let me elaborate for you brain-dead shits. In the battle between cars and bikes…CARS WIN, ASSHAT! I do not understand who bike riders think they are expecting to have the same rights as a car. It is like Blacks in the South: there are a lot of ways things SHOULD be but at the end of the day you are the minority. Deal with it; you do not have the same rights so either go somewhere that you do (LIKE THE FUCKING SIDEWALK….or Oregon. Fucking hippies) or understand your place. You are not as big as a car but you are bigger than a person. Run the sidewalk and leave the streets to things with motors and four tires (Or two REAL tires like some motorcycles). Oh, and keep scooters of my streets. Yes you save gas but if you can’t go over 40 without fishtailing then maybe you need to take that 10 horsepower piece of crap back to the factory. Yet if I run them off the road, I’M the bad guy for eliminating the blood clots of society. Where is the justice?!

Issue #3: For Some Reason….I Hate Miami.

I am not sure why, either. I think it has to do with the shittiest music movement since all rappers trying to copy MC Hammer. There is only one Hammer. After the “Turn This Mutha Out” video everyone from LL Cool J to Big Daddy Kane was trying to fucking dance in their videos. It was not a good time for hip hop. Now it seems we are back at a crossroads that I thought we passed but lo and behold we have the movement of the Miami (Or just Florida in general) rap scene into the forefront and all I can say is I really wish they would just go the hell back. Let’s look at the last major hip hop movement from a city: Chicago.

Kanye West: Say what you will about his arrogance and ill-timed and ill-informed politics there are few better on the mic.
Common: Arguably the best pure lyricist of the Chicago movement. Quietly released two great albums over the last four years.
Lupe Fiasco: After an album that went over most hip hop fans heads in “Food & Liquor” he has mixed up a little bit of pop and grind into an individual sound that works for everyone.
GLC: SO UNDERRATED! Not as talented as the rest of those from The Chi, but he can hold his own against any fucktard that came from St. Louis. Chingy and Huey…..I am so looking at you.

Instead we are stuck with a slew of shitty….SHITTY rappers that followed Trick Daddy (Who actually has his moments….just not many) and Pitbull (Who I actually like. CULO!) that leave a lot to be desired. The desire that they DIDN’T SUCK. Let’s have a rundown

Rick Ross: Thinks he is The Notorious BIG, more like a Guerllia Black with worse flow. Rhyming “back” with “back?” FUCK YOU, NIGGA. And wear a fucking shirt. You are scaring the children.
Flo-Rida: *Sigh* Where do I start with this? He is like….Nelly with male pattern baldness. “Low” was catchy until they started using it for home re-consolidation commercials and became Dick Cheney’s ringtone and now all of his songs sound the same. Because they are the same. Have to admit, he is catchy but so were Hitler’s speeches. I’m just saying.
DJ KHALED: What….exactly does this man do? Also, this kick of Puerto Ricans or whatever in the hell he is saying “nigga” has to end with Fat Joe. He was the first to do it in a major way so it is too late to stop him now but he needs to cut back, too. Someone needs to slap the shit out of Khaled for being the new millennium DJ Clue. Fuck him, too.
Plies: You ugly, mush-mouthed motherfucker. Way to dumb down Black males and show that we are nothing more than goons, thugs and most importantly pants sagging coons. Check out his wordplay:

Hey feds, heard your bringing my name up. No you want me to die think I give a f**k (f**k). Better date me now before my price go up (up). Came in the world thuggin, leaving with big nuts (nuts). yah I run with killas homie so what, what you want me to tell sold you to lil dust? Sitting on your foreign, I bet he leave butts Ain't scared to go I believe in jesus.

Um…yeah. Nothing I can say can top that. Niggerdom at its finest. If you like Plies you should be shot in the fucking face. Have you seen his big lipped, masked “Goon” chain? My god….you just R. Kelly’d on the movement you fuck.

All of the Florida rappers to come out fucking suck. Understand something and understand it good: hip hop is like football. It isn’t THAT hard. They act like it is so difficult and they are so much better than us mere mortals but at the end of the day I even I can get four yards a carry behind the right offensive line. If you aren’t going to try to be any good then don’t get pissy when people call you out for being a suckass. In hip hop being rich means you are good which is SO not true but you can’t tell those cockmongers that so I give up. I officially hate rap again.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be up tomorrow but the Countdown will be on Friday as scheduled. I am seeing Wall-E (and maybe “Wanted” depending on when I go) on Friday and I’m helping Copper move on Saturday so if anyone wants to hit up the D&B on Sunday let me know. I needs me some fun after this week. Peace out, ya’ll.

Chachi Out.

BOOGIE BOTS IN THE HOUSE!!

Well, no time like the present so lets get this party started!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin….with a video I didn’t want to put on here….

20. Wonder Girls – So Hot (New Entry)

We begin with a song I fought hard against putting on here. Now this song is catchy as all hell and I have been unable to get this song out of my head for about a month. But I mean…it’s JYP. I really don’t like him. But the song is catchy and the video is…yeah. You + me = jailtime. IM KIDDING!
19. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #17, One Week at #1)
SO the new Foxxi MisQ video has grown on me over the last few days. Which is good because this former number one is on its way out.
18. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (New Entry)

Online Videos by Veoh.com
HELL HAS OFFICIALLY FROZEN OVER! Seamo has finally made the Countdown after being my sworn enemy for years! Those of you that know me are aware that I HATED his verse on Bennie K’s “Love Story” and wanted him dead. He has since grown on me and has since actually has become a fav of mine. This video is pretty bad ass and the song is great to boot. Hell, if Soulja Boy can make it….anyone can. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?! I was so high…
17. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #14)
I looks like Lupe is on his way out. However, a CRS album should be coming at the end of summer so I am no longer a sad panda!
16. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #19)
HAMC move up three spots this week as they attempt to duplicate the amazing success of…”Amazing.” They all can’t be gold.
15. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #12)
The Arc continues to fall! I need something new from these guys. I was spoiled because they had a shitload of work after their “hiatus” but I hope they don’t take a break. I needs my Hyde!
14. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #11)
Colbie falls another three spots this week after a short run in the Top 10. Anyone noticed her eyes are really, really…..funny looking? I’m sorry….just noticing.
13. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13)

Uh-oh. UVERworld stalls this week at UNLUCKY NUMBER THIRTEEN!! Or not, I don’t remember but this doesn’t bode well for The World, especially since they are trying to get back to the top.
12. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #6, One Week at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
Kanye falls a HUGE six spots this week and out of the Top 10 for the first time in almost two months! It has been a good twelve months for Kanye, let’s see if he can bounce back from the boo-bird incident.
11. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #15)

BACK-ON is flying high! On their first time out they are one step away from the Top 10. Not bad for these guys. Could they be the next UVERworld? We will have to see! We are down to 10!
10. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #8, Three Weeks at #1)
And we begin with a former number one! Usher and Young Jeezy fall two more spots this week as we look at maybe an Artist of the Year nomination for the Prince of R&B. It has only been a few months but he has a good run going…
9. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #9)
See, this is what we call a sophomore jinx. Namie Amuro had it, The Arc had it and Lupe Fiasco had it. When you have an awesome first video the second usually stalls and “Niji” is no case as it spends its second week at number nine. Can it move upward next week?
8. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
MORE USHER! Usher moves up the most spaces this week since nobodyknows+ moved up 13 places to the number one spot last summer. I LOVE THIS SONG. Because…I just like it okay. I am a sad panda.
7. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #10)

Time to play the Game! The Game moves up three more spots this week as my favorite summer time jam is riding high. Can I just say that the remix of “Ain’t Saying Nothing” with Lil’ Wayne and The Game is pretty bad ass? I mean….Fat Joe has gotten good. Seriously.
6. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #6)
In a shocker, Chris Brown stalls after being the biggest mover last week. I really don’t know why I don’t listen to him more. I mean….he isn’t THAT bad. I have a thing against his WHOLE first album but the second one isn’t bad at all. Give it a whirl.
5. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #3)
After holding on to the number three spot for two weeks it looks like Kelun is falling down. Screw that, THREE WEEKS UNTIL CHU-BURA IS RELEASED!!! FUCK YES!!
4. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #5)

Paramore is quietly moving up ONCE AGAIN! After “Misery Business snuck up on everyone last year and almost took the top spot its hard to see how they could do it again. But they did, as they move up a spot to number four and kind of hang around. But we are now down to three!
3. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)

TK may have a new video out now but his first number one video falls another spot from number two. Anyone know whether this means a new album because it if does…..SLUMBER PARTAY!!!
2. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #4)
Mmmm! Miss Alicia moves ONE STEP AWAY from her third straight number one video! Yui couldn’t do it, UVERworld couldn’t do it and John Legend accomplished it BARELY. It is hard to do but can she make it three straight number one videos? To do so, the fine Alicia Keys will have to knock off our reigning queens…
1. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

YA-KYIM holds on for a second week! I am so in love with these ladies and….that is it. I just love them. This song is catchy and this video is HOT. Tow VERY GOOD REASONS this video is number one for a second week! SUPER!

That is all for this week! Can YA-KYIM hold on to the top spot for a third week? Or will Alicia Keys capture her third number one video? Or can KT and Misia return to the top spot and capture THEIR third week? Find out in seven days!

Well, I am out. Tonight I think I am going to see “Get Smart” for the fine, fine Anne Hatheway and that fine, fine Dwayne Johnson. What? Oh, don’t go hating. I will try to be back up on Saturday or Sunday but until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

I.....HATE....LIL' MAMA!

My god, I hope Lil Mama doesnt vote for President. She would probably vote for T-Pain. HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU VOTE FANNY PAK OVER DISTORTED X?! WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANIE?!

Now dont get me wrong, Xtreme Dance Suckass SHOULD have been in the bottom (Dont blame me, I voted for SUPER CR3W!) two but to send a team that was technically better home over a crew that I will admit is novel and good at what they do but not BETTER is stupid. Distorted X could have done Fanny Pak’s routine, but could the reverse happen? I honestly don’t think so.

Secondly, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS FANNY PAK DOING?! There is a reason the only good thing from the 80's was cartoons, toys and Rick Astley. The 80’s sucked, it is the butt of all jokes and only known for crack and the Cosby Show. They are BreakSk8 of Season 2: good at what they do but not better than their competition at DANCING. Now I am not a professional but looking at all the crews what does Fanny Pak do that is SO special over the others (Except Xtreme Dance Ball-lickers)? NOTHING! Gawd….I hate Lil’ Mama so much. You are usurping the will of the fucking people by having a dance-off that the Electoral Dance College of suck chooses the winner! Could you imagine that shit is it was during the Democratic Primaries?! Dennis Kucinich would have been voted back in EVERY FUCKING WEEK! That my friends is bullshit and destroying America….’s Best Dance Crew. As for JC….you were looking tres gay tonight. Good work on that one.

So I am saying it right here and right the fuck now. If you want to fight about it BRING IT because I will own your face but…

SUPER CR3W’s performance tonight OWNED everything the Jabawockeez and everyone else in Season One ever fucking did.

My god….B-BOY NINJAS?! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! My brain could NOT REGISTER THE AWESOME! My ears are bleeding….I may need to go to the hospital. That shit was so tight that I can say nothing else. I am voting for Super Cr3w twelve times because they were that bad ass. It hurts because I am all about the Boogie Bots (DID YOU SEE THE SUPER SENTAI INTRO?! AWESOME!) but Super Cr3w killed it. Literally, three people are in the hospital now from awesomeness overdoses. Sounds cool, but it is actually a serious problem. I almost died of it during the Jabawockeez MJ performance in Season One. I was okay, I just watched some BreakSk8 and I was okay. God I hated them. Well the stage has been set and the expectations have been created. Super Cr3w, So Real Crew and Boogie Bots are the teams to beat. Soul Selection is….overrated or just sandbagging. Not sure yet, I think it is the latter and next week they are going to rape my cat because this week was good but seemed a bit too….withdrawn. Something tells me they will murder it next week. A.S.I.I.D. is playing the handi-card which is cool, I would do it if I could. In the end, they remind me of Status Quo sans stunts. Which means they have to grow as a crew real fast because I am not a fan right now. Overall, it was a great show. Minus Fanny Pak and Xtreme Dance Ass-fucking Shitball Asshats. THEY SUCK.

That is all for now. Back to the replay!!

Chachi Out

I Am One Sad, Sad Panda...

AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW TONIGHT! YO PUNK ASS BETTER WATCH IT! I AM TOTALLY THERE, BITCHES!!

Yeah that is some solace in an otherwise bad week. Man, I am at one of those crossroads again as I have to choose between being happy or being…..well, unfulfilled. Most of you know that I am not one of those people that sits back and does a job solely to do the shit. I left the Devil’s Anal Cavity after…two weeks or so because I don’t believe in the collective. I left that insurance place because…wait, I don’t even think THEY knew I worked there. “Where is that Black dude that sat in that chair for a day? Was he the new janitor? He had an attitude problem…”

Now I am back at that moment YET AGAIN as I wonder is learning a new skill set worth completely changing how I am and what I do best: KEEP IT REAL. Okay, that is too vague but I likes that phrase. In all seriousness, I am at the point where I was in….1999 when my old school closed down and I didn’t have a career path. Now I have one but I have totally jumped down another route and after hearing that I am completely blowing the burro at this point I am having second thoughts about myself and my skills for the first time since I started playing Tecmo Bowl for the NES:

Fuck Christian Okoye. FUCK HIM IN HIS HEAD. Yeah, that is exactly how I feel right now. Like I am being bowled over by a big-ass African and all that stands between my death and my permanent paralysis (Yes, this is really a lose-lose situation. Get me some soju and I will tell you about it) is my wits. Problem is my wits can’t stop this problem because it is a BIG ASS AFRICAN BARRELING DOWN ON MY ASS LIKE I AM A FUCKING SANDWICH IN ETHIOPIA! Not sure what I am going to do to overcome this one, peeps.

*Sigh*

Combine that with being caught in a glass case of emotion and damnit….this is NOT the Perfect Situation:

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I led love down the drain

There's the pitch, slow and straight
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero
But I'm a zero

Hungry nights once again
Now it's getting unbelievable
Cause I could not have it better
But I just can't get no play

From the girls all around
As they search the night
For someone to hold on to
And just pass through

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Get your hands off the girl
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this
Excess company

Though I can't satisfy
All the needs she has
And so she starts to wander
Can you blame her?

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Tell me there's a logic out there
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come

Tell me there's some hope for me
I don't want to be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth

Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Singin'
Oh-oh
Oh-oh

Man….this is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG year. Luckily, I HAVE AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW TO KEEP ME COMPANY! DO NOT BUG ME TONIGHT! As watching it will odds are be the only smile I will have. Because I am a sad….sad panda.

Chachi Out.

I'm An Animaniac! I'm Taking Pills And Therapy For It...

What is up peeps?! I am back and I am feeling a little better after yesterday’s debacle of a day. Nowhere near as bad as the shitstorm of fury I had that was Monday but not much better. Man, this summer better go uphill from here.

So today I wanted to try something today that I haven’t done yet. I wanted to do this in 2006 but I just never found the time to do it but I have decided that maybe now is a good time to do so. As you all know, I am a huge fan of the anime and a HUGE fan of the J-Pop. Since they kind of go hand in hand now, there are some songs that can make or break a series to the point that it makes a bad series good (Or watchable in the case of Blood+) or a good series very, VERY bad such as Suzaka (Which I liked but MAN that song sucked ass). So, I decided to rank my favorite opening themes ever! So here is…

Chachi’s Top 10 Anime Series Opening Themes of All Time!!!

First off, this is for a SERIES of openings so the first rule of this ranking is there has to be more than two opening themes for the series. This was hard to do because there are so many series with only one or two opening themes that KICK ASS but to stay fair I had to have some rules to this thing. So, here are some Honorable Mentions (Some would actually top this bad boy if it was just for individual themes):

Neon Genesis Evangelion (I may not have creamed over the show like a lot of anime fans but I have always been a fan of the soundtrack and felt it fit the series well. The Para Para version by Yoko Ishida….AWESOME!)

Cowboy Bebop (Yoko Kanno’s FINEST FUCKING WORK!! “Piano Black” redefined would could be considered an opening. I like everyone else had the initial “What the fuck” moment but after listening I knew this was the mad notes.)
Peach Girl (Fuck you, I likes me some Meg Rock. You don’t like this opening there is something wrong with YOU, fucky!)
Darker Than Black (Abingdon Boys School and Antic Café. NUFF FUCKING SAID, BITCHES!)
Love Hina (Yeah, a little peppy tune that got me in the mood for the series. Little known fact: I am not really a big fan of Love Hina. Tenchi Muyo did it and a lot better, too. But I still give the opening its props)
Lucky Star (Yeah, another song with Aya on it. Yes, I love her and she loves me. That and this song is happy action fun time goodness)
Revoltionary Girl Utena (A little guilty pleasure of mine. Toe tapping goodness although I don’t believe I have seen all of the series)
Air Gear (FUCK YES! BACK-ON IN YOUR MOTHER FUCKING FACE! This was the only reason I watched “Air Gear” and I ended up enjoying it. Now I am a huge fan of the band. See, it can all be cosmic)
Great Teacher Onizuka (Okay, I will admit that I am not a big fan of the second opening theme but “Driver’s High” WILL end up getting me a ticket one of these days. AWESOMENESS!)
Samuari Champaloo (A little biased but “Battlecry” may be my favorite opening EVER. There is nothing but good with this song and really made watching the show at TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING tolerable. Love that jam)
Chobits (FUCK YES. FUCK YES! FUCK YES!!!)

Now there are more that didn’t make the cut and I will get to them another day. Now here are a few mentions for anime with enough openings but JUST didn’t make the cut…

Honorable Mentions!

One Piece (The Japanese version of the music, not that audio rape that was the American rap shit. Yi-yo my fucking fat Black ass. Topped off by D-51’s “Brand New World” which was FUCKING TITS! Best shit ever but even with all the songs they had, still behind some really good stuff)
Gintama (HEARTS GROW, BITCHES! That was later in line, I believe the 4th, but I am all about that opening. Even made me go back and download some original episodes and it was really bad ass from the…three episodes I saw. I kind of suck)
Keroro Gunso (Sgt. Frog is teh awesome when it comes to endings and the openings are great, too. Kind of quirky but what in Japan isn’t?)
Naruto (WHAT?! Okay, let me explain. The openings for Naruto have ranged from AWESOME with Flow and Nobodyknows+ to average with Sambomaster to just ANNOYING with Long Shot Party and that “No Boy, No Cry” song. Which grew on me but you have no idea how much I fucking hated that song so it didn’t move up really far. Besides, shit gets GOOD from this point out.
Urusei Yatsura (KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL! This was one of the first anime I saw when I returned to the states and albeit was about 10 years old I was in LOVE with the opening themes. “Lum’s No Love Song” was fucking bad ass!)
Eureka Seven (Tough name to pronounce, kick ass music to listen to. From Flow to Nirgilis the music was the only reason I got into the show.

There are more that deserve recognition and if you have some that deserve shout out in your opinion let me know. Until then, let’s get this thing started!!

THE TOP TEN!

10. Full Metal Alchemist

Best Opening: “Ready Steady Go!” by L’Arc~en~Ciel
Worst Opening: “Undo” by Cool Joke
What Makes It Great: As one who was getting this ALMOST when it was coming out in Japan and being subbed and distributed via MiRC (OLD SCHOOL) I was all over this anime and “Melissa” by Porno Grafitti is the only reason I know the five words of Japanese I know now. “Rewrite” by AKFG is arguably my favorite song by them and the only real weak like is Cool Joke’s “Undo” because after The Arc…you gotta come hard. Still a great library.

9. Blood+

Best Opening: “Season’s Call” by Hyde (ARGUABLE!!!)
Worst Opening: “Raion” by Jinn
What Makes It Great: The four openings were the ONLY REASON I sat through this fucking show. Eat my ass I thought Blood+ was boring as shit when it was dubbed and the sub was only marginally better because Diva was creepy. “Aozora no Namida” was a great way to begin the series seeing as how it made you forget the SHOW HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE IT FUCKING CAME FROM. “Colors Of The Heart” was your standard UVERworld goodness (they are on here a few times…get used to it) and even though I didn’t like “Raion” it grows on you after a while. Too bad the show sucks too much to care. Just get the CD and skip the show.

8. Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex

Best Opening: Inner Universe (AWESOME!)
Worst Opening: Christmas in the Silent Forest (NOT QUITE AS AWESOME!)
What Makes It Great: I have been about trance since my old school rave days and it was interesting to see how much of the music from the initial movie made it into the few all-nighters in Aurora I went to back in the day. All I have to say is that “Inner Universe” is the model that shows like Gantz and Elfen Lied should have used to build their music rather than the crap they used. RADIOHEAD?! Fuck off! Sadly there are only three opening themes but the in-show music is well worth the listen.

7. Initial D

Best Opening: “Noizy Tride” (I don’t know why….I love this song)
Worst Opening: “Noizy Tride” (This was the ONLY SONG THAT PLAYED in the fucking video game at the mall. Personally pettiness I admit.)
What Makes It Great: Okay, I will admit I didn’t really like Initial D the SHOW but I was a fan of the soundtrack. I used to play the game all the time in college (Where I was instead of meeting ladies but Initial D doesn’t judge me) and the soundtrack LITERALLY rocked the Citadel Mall. Thumping for your ass! Now the music much like the show is an acquired taste and I haven’t seen many episodes (Just five at Zach’s house and maybe three at Ted’s during an Invader Zim marathon break) and I wasn’t impressed by what I saw. But the music is massive! Restecpa!

6. Gundam Series (Gundam Seed, Gundam Seed Destiny, Gundam_00, Gundam Wing)

Best Opening: “IGNITED” BY TM REVOLUTION, BITCHES!! FEEL THE AWESOME!!
Worst Opening: You know I have never been a fan of “Our Whereabouts” by Hitomi Takahashi.
What Makes It Great: Now Gundam the SHOW has always been hit or miss for me. I kind of liked Seed, DESPISED Wing and was indifferent about Destiny (I LOVED Gundam_00, BTW until the decided to license it). What puts it at number six is that it is either really AWESOME or really just bad. I love TM Revolution’s openings (“Invoke” and “Ignited”) as well as L`Arc~en~Ciel’s “DAYBREAK’S BELL” but Nami Tamaki’s older work was not my cup of tea and I felt it didn’t really…fit. She picks herself up later though. Really great catalog of work in the Gundam series.

5. Bleach

Best Opening: (TIE) “Alones” by Aqua Timez and “D-Technolife” by UVERworld
Worst Opening: I guess “Ichirin No Hana” by HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR. Once again, this is a reach.
What Makes It Great: Well, you knew this was going to end up here. Let’s just break it down:

1. Orange Range’s “Asterisk” – HELL YES!
2. UVERworld’s “D-Technolife” – FUCK YES!
3. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR’s “Ichirin No Hana” – YES!
4. BEAT CRUSADERS “TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT” – HELL YES!
5. Yui’s “Rolling Star” – OH MY GOD! IT FEELS SO GOOD!!
6. Aqua Timez’s “Alones” – I JUST CAN’T STOP!
7. Asian Kung Fu Generation’s “After Dark” – WHY CAN’T I STOP?!
8. Kelun’s “CHU-BURA” – SHIT! I JUST GOT A TOWEL!

That sums it up….very through ally.

4. Slayers Series (Slayers & Slayers Try)

Best Opening: “Get Along” by Megumi Hayashibara (THAT’S ALL IT NEEDS, FUCKASS!)
Worst Opening: FUCK YOUR FACE! I WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN, ASSFUCK!
Okay….I had to cheat a little because there is only one opening per series (Someone correct me on this if I am wrong) but I don’t fucking care. IT IS MEGUMI HAYASHIBARA! She is the Japanese Kristen Chenoweth! That in itself put the Slayers library on here and then you have to remember that “Get Along” may be the most awesome song composed by man. If you don’t think so….I will gouge your fucking eyes out.

3. Yakitate!! Japan

Best Opening: “Promise” by TiA (It makes me smile…)
Worst Opening: Um….you know this one is three for three. I wasn’t a fan of “Houkigumo” by Rythem when I got it from Zach but it grew on me and now I love it.
What Makes It Great: Now I am more of a fan of the ending themes for this show but that shows you how much the opening themes rule your face. All three themes are awesome and the opening sequences in my opinion are the best since the openings for Lupin (THOSE ARE KICKING IT…OLDEST SCHOOL. Almost) and that is saying something. My favorite is STILL “Chiisana Uta” by Maria as there is nothing better than that song in the summertime.

2. Ranma ½

Best Opening: Omoide ga Ippai (The third opening….I so love that song)
Worst Opening: Zettai! (DEBATABLE! I had to pick one so this is the one I could live without.)
What Makes It Great: It is classic! The songs were performed (Almost exclusively) by the seiyuu in the show which is something rarely seen anymore (Lucky Star and Melancholy I believe were the last) and to me makes it worthy of this spot alone. From the series openings to even the OVA openings they ALL RULED YOUR FACE! There were a few that I wasn’t a fan of (Mostly the last three but at that point they kind of pulled a Quantum Leap and strayed WAAAAAAAY too far from the plot) but those that I was a fan of were AWESOME. So why is it at number two? Because there were a few misses in this extensive catalog of music. While the show at number one may shock you….the total body of work KICKS ASS…

1.D. Gray Man

Best Opening: “Innocent Sorrow” by “Abingdon Boys School (Well, this thing is over.)
Worst Opening: Um….well….I guess none so far.
What Makes It Great: Yes, go ahead and be shocked. Most of you may have never watched or heard of D. Gray Man and since I lost my original hard drive I have been catching and have been getting caught up on the manga over the interweb. However, the music is SCANDAL PROOF! There isn’t a weak link in the bunch! First off you have “Innocent Sorrow” by Abingdon Boys School which pretty much locks down number one. Then the big shocker in “Brightdown” by Nami Tamaki. THIS SONG ROCKS YOUR FUCKING FACE! After annoying me with her Gundam songs this completely turned me around to her and even made me pick up her album (Fricking YesAsia…). Then came "Doubt & Trust" by Access and I said to myself “HOLY SHIT! This show is meh but these songs KICK ASS!” because that song does indeed kick ass. Then they bring out the new UVERworld (Third time they are on here, btw) single “Geikido” and all I can say is HELL YES. It is new compared to some of these other shows (GITS, Ranma ½, Initial D, Gundam Series) but it holds its own with four of the most kick ass anime opening themes EVER!

Well, I left out a lot of stuff because there is WAY too much awesomeness to remember. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know and I will see about making some changes. Until then, I needs me some food. Stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Alcohol: Helping Women Think They Can Dance Since....Betsy Ross?

What is up, people?! I am back on the scene and boy today was fucked up. I got a crack in my winshield and I am not sure when because it wasn’t there this morning and I saw it when I got off of work. Nothing pisses me off more than a cracked windshield and this will be the second one I have had on a car while I WASN’T EVEN DRIVING IT. Fuck me standing sideways, I am so pissed off about that.

I couldn’t stay mad for too long because my show is back in exactly THREE DAYS! Thursday night, if anyone is down, I have the grandest idea EVER. I was thinking about it while looking at liquor today and it hit me. So I give to the peeps, my next great idea….

America’s Best Dance Crew’s Drinking Game Extravaganza!!!

So a lot of these are in progress and I hope to have something officially set up by Week 2 (Maybe week Three, it’s going to be a minimum of 11 weeks this season) where we the fans can put this in action. However, here are some of my ideas:

ABDC Drinking Game 1: Head Spin Shooting Spree!

So this one is going to be simple: whenever someone does a headspin, you take a shot. Plain and simple. This will be rough when the breakers come on but that is the point of a drinking game: to get stone cold blitzed! My second idea was to slam a random bomb (Non-Jager) before the headspin was finished but like I said this is a work in progress. Besides, did you see that headspin Chris from Jaba did in the season finale? That would be like 4 Tuaca Bombs! SIGN ME UP!

ABDC Drinking Game 2: Too Drunk To Function!

This is a two-fold game: whenever JC says or is on screen dressed in something that is so gay it fucks up your reception, you have to take a drink. I would say a shot but….he is way too gay for a shot each time he says something or is seen wearing something fruit-tastic. I mean I am doing this for fun, not to get drunkenly groped by the ladies. Been there, done that, had the herpes scares (Ugh….more than three) to prove it). I like this one because you could even be forced to drink a frou frou drink. Appletini anyone? It’s fabooo!

ABDC Drinking Game 3: Lil’ Mama Must Be Drunk!

Okay, I am looking forward to this one. Every time Lil Mama butchers the English language (Which is a WHOLE-FUCKING-LOT) a drink has to be taken. Again, a shot is WAAAAAAAAAY too much for her poor grammar and like I said before this isn’t about alcohol poisoning. This is about enjoying the greatest show about dancing since Fame!

I want to live forever!

ABDC Drinking Game 4: Let The Past Go, Man!

This one is interesting. Whenever a crew is either compared to or takes a move from a previous dance crew you have to take a shot. This won’t happen a lot which is why a shot is in order…unless you are Soul Selection who will steal everything Jaba ever did and try to improve on it because they are that damn brash. Also, if a crew takes a move that another one does on THE SAME EPISODE and does it better, everyone takes a shot and yells “YOU GOT SERVED!” I just want to yell that is all.

Those are just a few of my ideas. They aren’t very well thought out or….good but I just thought it would be something fun for the legal people out there. Not that I would do any of these. I have found religion now. Everyone, bow your heads and pretend to be serious. Please turn to the Book of Diz from the Church of The New Guy:

You looking at my Janet?!

Oh, one last thing. As you all know, last week R. Kelly was found not guilty of (Among other things) sexual misconduct with a minor and premeditated urination. Now I for one hoped beyond hope this dumb ass nigga would go to jail if for nothing else then for being a dumbass. However, he has gotten off and that is something I and the youth of America will have to accept. With that being said…

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH AMERICA?!

Listen, I never thought that he was innocent at any point in time given his track record. I also felt that that dumb ass girl needed to move out of the way if she didn’t want to be peed on. This is part of a larger problem: people videotaping themselves having sex. Now maybe it is just sour grapes because everyone else has had more sex than me. Oooohhhhh. Even with that being a little true (Not much, gone this long without going to the GOOD promised land and I haven’t killed anyone) I really am getting sick of people saying their privacy was invaded when they took the time out to FILM THEMSELVES HAVING SEX. Sometimes with a minor to whom I say Rob Lowe YOU ARE GOD….I mean bad. When you film yourself having sex you are pretty much withdrawing the right to say you are violated should that take be shown to the public. Now if it is filmed without your consent that is completely different as you agreed to nothing and that is pretty much voyeurism…which I have NEVER engaged in. Today, anyway. When you film acts like this, with a MINOR no less you are unable to claim violation of any form. The only people violated were the people that paid for the bootleg of that cassette because it was NOT worth the $25 people paid for it. Not that I have seen it or anything….but that was him. Mole my ass, R. Kelly is a god damn pisser and we let him loose to let loose on children. Lock up your daughters, R. Kelly is free and ready to pee:

Nasty nigga. I am so out of here. I will be back up tomorrow. ABDC on THURSDAY!!! DON’T MISS IT!

Chachi Out.

The Dream Will Never Die....

So after having two members leave the band, I have decided to move on. A2B is back in effect! The boy band of the new generation is back like cooked crack! New members and a new sound! Problem is....there are only TWO members now (Three if you count Joey...which I cant because I dont think he can sing or dance) which means that we could only be at best Wham! which isn’t BAD but you know....we're straight.

With that being said, I am open to new members. Preferably Asians because we are totally going after that Big Bang/Rain/Se7en crowd overseas. Also, I need to get up on my funky fresh dance moves. This band is going to be all about getting loose. To accomplish this, I am going to need to recruit new members. We could also use another Black guy; those are in after the whole Obama running for President. Also, because of a little EEO situation in my hiring practices from 2007, the courts have decided that not only do I have to put a NEGRO in my group I also have to bring in a skirt. Yes, there may be a female member in A2B. So ladies, when I hold auditions you are free and able to join in. Only if you dance and look like this:

If you can, you are officially the most talented and you are IN. If you are Namie Amuro….I LOVE YOU.

I know having a female member defeats the term "boy band" but hey, I'm all about the dream. The dream of being knee deep in Japanese schoolgirls. Is that so wrong? No. Illegal in the US and A, yes....but not wrong in Japan. More details coming soon but know this….

A2B IS BACK, BABY!

Chachi Don't Dance, He Boogie!

Happy Father’s Day to all the peeps out there with children! Which is like….two of you….and you are doing an excellent job! Let’s get rid of the babymama’s out there without killing them, I mean. The father is a lost art out there, as is the mother for the same reason. People don’t understand that when you have a child you are officially starting up a business for 18 years and if you have poor business practices your business will not get off the ground. Same with children. Think about that before having sex with someone that you think won’t be a good boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone parent. The fam is important, peeps. One luv on that one. Not to be a downer, so you know what to do. Find your daddy and tell him big ups for teaching you and the whatnot.

With that being said…..

AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW IS BACK THIS THURSDAY!!

Can I get a FUCK YEAH?! The best TV show of the season is back and all I can say is IT’S ON! All reality shows can bow down to the greatness that is ABDC next week as the crews are back and ready to join the Jaba as ABDC winners! Now I have heard people out there have the utter and complete audacity to even COMPARE ABDC with a shitty little show called “So You Think You Can Dance” to which I say NIGGA PLEASE! The only thing that “So You Think You Can Dance” is better that ABDC at is sucking floppy equestrian wang. Now I will admit I have only see one episode of the show and it was the “Too Much Booty In The Pants” dance which was AWESOME but the rest of the show was not. If I wanted to see people dance pretentiously I would watch ballroom dancing on PBS. I mean, it would be cool if they kicked it Bob Fosse-style:

Since that show will NEVER do anything that kick ass it will never equal the “You Got Served” meets “Breakin II: Electric Boogaloo” awesomeness that is ABDC. However, there is something that I have to comment on. On a scale of 1-10…how GAY is J.C. Chasez? Seriously, he is the gayest gay since Gayzor the gay Dragon attack the town of Gayvania and was locked away by the gay knight in the Uber-Gay Mountains for 1,000 gay years. The man wore a fucking kerchief! How in the FUCK do you leave the house in a kerchief unless you are Hank Venture? Gawd, he freaks me out. Don’t even get me started on “Saved By The Gay” Mario Lopez:

My god that dude is as gay as Kansas City in the springtime. They really need to replace the judges. I mean what the fuck does Lil Mama know about dancing? Did you SEE the “Lip Gloss” video? That bitch is as good a dancer as LaToya Jackson. And she looks like her two with her 38 year old ass. The only thing Lil about Lil Mama is her talent. BURN, BITCH! Shane Sparks can stay because he is the only normal person on the show and JC can stay if he promises to bring a fire extinguisher to put out the gay balls of fire in his pants because his gay is fucking up my reception. That is coming from someone that loves the theater and disco, people. As for Lil Mama, she needs to fucking go. She can’t even speak English for shits sake! That bitch is worthless and gives no insight whatsoever! I mean you already have a chick in JC (Who is gay enough to be two chicks, a gay man and a talking hamster named Mr. Fluffles) so if you need to replace her with a female bring one with dancing talent. Maybe give me some Ciara or…be still my beating heart..BoA:

Lil Mama WISHES she could dance like that. I still say they keep Shane, replace Lil Mama with another more talented female artist (Maybe Kumi Koda? She has been working on her English and doesn’t sound bad at all) and either add a fourth or replace JC with the ultimate dance. The one…the only…

MC HAMMER!

I said it here first: you cannot have a dance show with THE HAMMAH!! Proper. This year’s crop of crews isn’t as top heavy as last year because it pretty much was:

1. Jabawockeez (Yes, they were already in “Step Up 2: The Streets” but they KILLED IT. Literally. I call them “Phil Spektor” from this point forward.)
2. Status Quo (I place them above Kaba Modern because they made the finals and they got better as the contest went on. Jaba was already better than everyone and Kaba never really changed while Stat Quo got better and cleaner every week and showed pure growth.)
3. Kaba Modern (Actually “2A” but they really just didn’t SURPRISE anyone as much as they did what they did very well. SLIGHTLY behind Status Quo because they did very little stunt work and didn’t really add to their routines. Even still, they and SQ are interchangeable. And I love Yuri. Don’t cry, I still love you!!)
4. Live In Color (THEY WERE FUCKING ROBBED! Their performance to “Bombs Over Baghdad” was the best performance of the season OF ANY CREW and the judges know it. Politics or whatever, I believe that we were robbed of a KICK ASS final four matchup because that would have made my head explode.)
5. Everyone Else (Yes, you all fell down here. Not a BAD thing but please understand: last year’s ABDC was like the NFC in the 90’s. You had three great teams (49ers, Cowboys, Packers) and one team that sometimes brought it’s A game (Varied). The rest battled for the Wildcard spots. Especially Fysh ‘N Chicks and BreakSk8. You both robbed Live In Color IMHO, but that is why democracy doesn’t fucking work.)

This season everything is rather even. A few West Coast crews have the edge and Distorted X looks to be a good dark horse pick. Fanny Pak needs to NOT FUCKING BE THERE as they are the William Hung of ABDC. Yeah, I said it. I personally liked Full Effect because big people are representin, mofos! It was not to be, though. Xtreme Dance Force is actually VERY good but look too bro’d out for my taste (Can’t call a do-over because of too much scotch and bro rape the night before) while Supreme Soul looks to be the winner of this thing so MTV can have a “You Got Served” type rematch between the supposed rivals. You don’t see Ruben and Clay matching up in a sing-off, do you? Although I would pay to see the Gelfling face off against the Velvet Teddy Bear. If the Boogie Bots (GREATEST. NAME. EVER.) step up and stop being Kaba Modern V.2 then we could be in business. I just don’t want SassX7 to get farther than the second week. Shhh! was better by far but since MTV needs to get that elusive drunken whore audience (Which I thought was on lockdown with Tila Tequila and The Hills but I guess whores actually watch more shows than that when they aren’t drinking or swallowing) guarantee that SassX7 gets past them. Oh, and no handi-capables so if A.S.I.I.D wins then I will fucking revolt. Oh, and I am officially pulling a Barack Obama NOT backing my candidate yet. However I will say I am a fan of SoReal Crew. But I say nothing yet. You will know my pick before the premier! Stay tuned!!

Well, that is all for now. Watching the repeat of the ABDC Casting Special (Can you tell?!) but I will be back tomorrow. Until then, stay up. And happy father’s day!

Chachi Out.

To Learn Is Human. To Get Funky....That's Godly.

So “The Incredible Hulk” was FUCKING AWESOME. I will try to have a full review tomorrow with it’s pros and cons. As a comic book movie I have to put it number two all time, ahead of Iron Man and JUST BEHIND Batman Begins. It was told that damn well. However, as a movie it was by the numbers and did little to sway from the Hulk mythos or what was expected while Iron Man took the risk of focusing on Tony Stark than the suit (Created a great mix). In comparison to Iron Man, Batman Begins and Spiderman it wasn’t as good of a movie overall. But it was FUCKING AWESOME. See it now, fuck a review.

So in between the Hulk movie, Lil Wayne’s album and the spraining of my ankle (Which doesn’t hurt as bad and isn’t swollen so I hope it’s okay) I learned a lot last week. So now, it is time for an installment on the Passion of Chachi that I haven’t done in almost two years…

I Learned Something Today!

I Learned That….Wine Is Okay.

I have never really been a wine guy. Four years in Italy will do that to you but even still if it didn’t come from Eastern Europe or Mother Russia I was not about it alcohol-wise. After the last two-and-a-half years I have finally gotten a taste for it (White wine, anyway. Red wine and I don’t get along after the PF Chang’s incident. Waste of a fly-ass shirt) and after Thursday I REALLY got a taste for it…about 8 or so glasses worth. At least that was the count before I said “Pfft, counting is for vampires” and just went to town. Part of the reason I am limping around. Hey, I enjoyed myself and that is all that matters.

I Learned That…..Maybe, Love IS A Very Splendid Thing?

*Sigh* what I thought was loathing is actually….unloathing? I refuse to say love because love is for suckers but…you never know. Too bad she sees me as more of a “stalker” than anything else but since that is half-truth I am not that upset about it. The cover of night is the ally of a true man of unrequited love.

I Learned That….What In The Fuck Am I Talking About? Love Stinks.

What do you call a woman that loves The Big Lebowski, watches ABDC (America’s Best Dance Crew for the losers out there), and insults a bro to his face (AWESOME!)? Married. Yep….that’s what you get when you let your heart win. See, still waters run deep!

I Learned That….People Are FUCKING IDIOTS.

WHY IN THE FUCK IS R. KELLY NOT IN JAIL?! After FINALLY going to trial so the King of R & Pee could get his comeuppance, he is instead found not guilty. Are you fucking kidding me? Screw the evidence, screw niggas thinking he is being railroaded by the White man (White man didn’t put that little girl in his room!) and screw the fact she is older than me now. Let’s use logic here: he has a history of doing improper acts with children from Aaliyah (THEY WERE FUCKING MARRIED, PEOPLE!) to that girl he reportedly made have an abortion (Which rules because it goes in line with my anti-baby policies) at FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. Now say what you will about my schoolgirl jokes but at least I am going to go where it isn’t looked down upon. In America, we do NOT believe in fucking minors on camera….unless you piss on them. This set a bad precedent and pretty much means NAMBLA and the Catholic Church (Or as I call them THE SAME FUCKING THING) will now begin to pee on little boys. Slippery slope my ass, only thing slippery about this situation will be your daughters because R. Kelly is free and is about to pee. That nigga is a pedophile and a pisser and I hope he dies slow. Fuck you, America. Fuck you in your child pisser supporting asses.

I Learned That….Religion Is What You Make Of It. Which Makes It Bullshit.

So I am beginning to realize that people who believe that their religion is the only true religion are either fucking retarded or batshit crazy. Understand something right here and right now: if you believe in Christianity and you don’t follow the bible to the fucking tee you are going to hell. End of story. If you think the bible is up for your own interpretation then you are mishandling and reshaping the “word” of God and the “teachings” of Jesus Christ which makes you the worst kind of sinner. You are not only taking the lords word in vain you are taking his words and making them your own which is the ULTIMATE NO-NO. I am sick of you cockamamie religious fucks that say “I am spiritual about my faith” and “I use the bible to guide my life, I don’t take it literally” because by NOT being in full belief about your faith and NOT using the bible and its nonsensical stories to guide your life IN ITS LITERAL SENSE you are NOT following the word. You are just as bad as me and I personally despise the concept of Jesus Christ. Fuck him; he was a loud-mouthed, impeccably kempt (I will admit, that hair was FABOO), self-righteous, disco loving Jew that needed to keep his fucking mouth shut. I know it, the Romans knew it, the Jews knew it and most importantly you all know it. All religion is bullshit but Christianity wins the kewpie doll for asshatery because they claim to be the only true religion and yet there are multiple sects that all say the other is wrong because they aren’t like them. Christians hate Catholics, Catholics hate Christians and they ALL hate Mormons which makes little sense because at least a real Mormon will tell you the Book of Mormon is bullshit. It is a vehicle that helps them appreciate family, gives them grounding in understand how things may have been and helps them get that cash money because even poor Mormons are ballin. The simple fact is that more has been done to discredit the TRUTH of the events in the bible than to prove the stories happened. However, that is not to discount what it means to people. I always say that if something makes you a better person then by all means go for it. If you find that solace in the bible then great, just don’t tell me the shit REALLY happened because if it did the events would contradict every action that happened in every other book of worship. Hell, it would contradict what happened in the OLD FUCKING TESTAMENT! BTW, if the fact there is a NEW TESTAMENT isn’t enough to cast some doubt about the plausibility of the stories actually being true then you really are not a logical being and there is no help for you. Might as well put on a yellow suit, run around with your arms in the air and call yourself “banana man” because that what you are doing. Follow the word and let it advance YOU, leave me out of your bullshit and stop sounding like a douche by trying to convince the world the all the shit actually happened.

I learned some more, but those were the big ones. I will try to be up tomorrow with The Incredible Hulk review and a rant but I dunno yet. I have been on this for almost 30 days straight. May need a day break. You never know. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out

Reports Of My Demise Are FALSE!

Well, I am back and the Countdown WILL NOT BE LATE! Nothing can stop the 20 biggest videos in the GALAXY! Get ready for the…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get this thing started!

20. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #17, Seven Weeks at #1)
After arguably the most dominant Countdown run ever by any artist, Bennie K falls three spots this week. That is huge because it looks like this run has come to an end. Seven weeks at number one is a record that has only been achieved once and it was not consecutive. To hold this down for almost two months is awesome. Congrats, ladies.
19. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (New Entry)

Hells yes! HAMC is back as they attempt to take a classic TM Revolution song to the top! It has been a while since “Amazing” blazed up the Countdown and it is good to see them back. Can they recapture the magic?
18. Yui – Laugh Away (Last Week #15)
NEW YUI!!! SUMMER SONG IS AWESOME!
17. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (Last Week #14, One Week at #1)
Foxxi MisQ is back! And it is a ballad! Can life GET any better? Damn, Dem is looking hella good to me right now. I may just be in love…
16. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #20)

Usher moves up yet again this week as R&B may have returned. I actually like his album, albeit not more than I liked “Confessions” but still. They all can’t be Burn. LET IT BURN! CAR!
15. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #18)
BACK-ON is making their way up this week as they hop up three big spots. Anyone know what this is from? Is it just a single or is it an opening/closing theme for a show? A little heads up would be great.
14. Lupe Fiasco feat Nikki Jean – Hip Hop Saved My Life (Last Week #12)
Lupe falls two spots this week as I anxiously wait for a new single. WILL YOU PLEASE DO A VIDEO FOR THE “EVERYBODY NOSE” REMIX?! COME ON, DAMMIT!
13. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #16)
The World is back with two videos out for my listening pleasure. This one moves up another three spots this week as it looks like they are looking for Countdown supremacy with their SEVENTH TOP TEN VIDEO! Yeah, they own it.
12. L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN (Last Week #10)
The Arc falls out of the Top Ten! I need to start playing Devil May Cry 4 again. It has been a while since I played and I am due for some demon slaying.
11. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #9)

Colbie looks to be on her way down this week as she falls from the Top 10. She may be able to bounce back but I haven’t heard much from her since this video so…we’ll see.
10. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #13)

We are into the Top 10 and we once again have a familiar face! The Game gets his fourth Top 10 video and places his name in the ring for the biggest hip hop act to grace the Countdown. Can he FINALLY make it to number one? He now holds the record for most Top 10’s with no number one now that Foxxi MisQ got the monkey of their back.
9. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #11)
Aqua Timez is back! After a kickass album last year and one of the biggest videos of the year with “ALONES” they started off 2008 slow but have bounced back with a big one with “Niji!” Can they go two for two? We will have to see!
8. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #6, Three Weeks at #1)
Usher is STILL hanging on to the Top 10 even with his latest video still climbing the chart. Been a big year for Mr. Raymond and it looks to get bigger with a really good album and ready made singles. It’s the year of the Ush!
7. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #8)
Just above Usher we have his heir apparent! Chris Brown pops up one spot this week as he attempts to keep the Summer of R&B going to the top! I am considering picking up the special edition of this album for this song. CONSIDERING IT.
6. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)

Kanye and Chris fall two more spots this week and out of the top five that means that there will be no hip hop among the five biggest videos of the week! Who is left?
5. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #7)
Paramore jumps up two spots into the Top Five to make it this high for the second time! I am all over this song because….that IS what you get when you let your heart win. What it is exactly is up to debate but it’s what you get.
4. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #5)
Alicia Keys moves up one spot this week just outside of the Top Three. She has had a huge last six months, arguably the best of someone not named NaNa…who has been AWOL for the last few months. However, Alicia is taking names as she keeps on moving up. We are down to three!
3. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #3)

Kelun stands pat at number three this week as we all patiently await the video for “CHU-BURA.” All I have to say is MAKE IT HAPPEN, CAP’N! I NEEDS ME SOME CHU-BURA! So it is the same two videos at the top…but who game out with the belt?
2. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

Kobuta has been usurped! After two weeks at the top, Kobuta and Misia fall to the runner up spot. Not to fret, a new video is out! Really weird black-face going on but I can get past that because the song kicks ass. So with these two as bridesmaids….we have a new champ!
1. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)

The sexy ladies of YA-KYIM take over the top spot! It has been quite a year for J-R&B as Bennie K, Foxxi MisQ, NaNa and Toshinobu Kobuta have captured the top spot in 2008! YA-KYIM has turned years of work into the pinnacle of awesomeness. The number one video is finally theirs! Congratulations!

Sorry so late, but it is still out on a Friday! Tonight it is Incredible Hulk time! I will try to be up Saturday for a bit and then give a complete rundown of the week on Sunday including why my ankle HURTS LIKE FUCKING HELL. God damn sidewalk. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Sometimes, The Sequel Is Better Than The First. Not Here.

What is up, peeps?! I am back once again and I have a question for you all: why do you always read when I do my worst work? I really HATED yesterdays post but I had SIXTY-SIX READERS yesterday after I posted my “Break or No Break” blog which is the highest in about two months. I usually get 20 people a day which is MORE than enough for a guy that does about 60% of his work drunk on this thing. Man…I have been clean for almost two weeks. Unless you count that gay drink I had at PF Chang’s last week which I DON’T because I have had more alcohol in Crest toothpaste. Either way, it seems like you all liked the “Break or No Break” post so I guess I will start off with a little more for you all!

Break Or No Break Part II: The Re-Breakening!

Is that even a word? I don’t know…but I think it isn’t. Anyway, let’s get started. Yesterday was the rational aspects of dating (Religion, baby killing, tattoos) so now it is time for a few things I am on the fence about.

Kind Of A Deal Breaker: Fake Breasts

Okay, understand something right now: if you have them that is fine. I cant take them out and if you are happy with forgien objects in your chest than more power to you. However, I have always believed that there is a lot of undue stress put on the titty, not just by men but by women themselves. I would say that one in every three women I know (You know who you are and if we haven’t had this conversation…I thank you because your funbags are not a topic I want to have as a discussion piece) hate their breast size. First off, why are you telling me this shit? I don’t care! Your breasts aren’t paying my student loans or driving me to work! If they are too small, SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy with what you have because if someone is judging you for your boobs then they are kind of a cockwad anyway. Cockwad….priceless. If they are too big….SO THE FUCK WHAT! Be happy you have something others don’t have the luxury of having. You think I get all pissy about being fat? Hell no, I rub it in to homeless and Africans all the damn time! I send pictures of myself to hungry Ethiopians once a week eating at a buffet. Fuck them skinny, hungry bastards! Stop fucking and start farming!

Anyway, the fact that you are willing to modify your body cosmetically for something that is in essence is just there to produce milk and help you learn how to master soccer when you are older (I will give you time to get that one) is to ME (Again dumbfucks, TO ME) is a waste of time and is the ultimate in insecurity. I understand that they give you self-esteem and they make you feel “symmetrical” (I say that because a girl said that to me when I was at Denver Tech and I literally laughed in her face. I….am not a sensitive man) but seriously. Unless one was stolen by pirates….which would be the coolest band of pirates ever….there is no need for fake breasts. To get fake breasts is like niggas with platinum grillz in their mouth: you want the attention but in the end you just look like you don’t want to be. A whore, which I personally believe isn’t fair (I know a lot of flat-chested whores out there that aren’t getting their due) but much like me still being a nigger although I can read and have no felonies it is life. Here is a news flash for you. Both fake breasts and platinum teeth are:

• Gaudy. Fake breasts don’t look attractive. I am sorry, they don’t. It is just like Napolean invading Russia in the winter. A good idea at the time but after the alcohol and dumbfuckery wear off, you realize that is a pretty stupid-ass idea. Except now they are locked into place like Voltron lions. Gotta keep it nerd!
• Not-Functional. Now this is kind of a non-truth because breasts DO serve a purpose: to distract the stupid. Oh, and give milk but we also have Safeway and it is cheaper. ZING! From babies to bros, a breast serves its purpose as a weapon of mass distraction. But aside from that, they are just like niggas: they just lay there…taking up space. Besides, all women do is complain about them in terms of them either hurting them physically (Back aches and whatnot) or my all-time favorite that no one takes them seriously. Well, think of it like this: if you surgically give yourself a third eye, people will look. It is the exact same aspect: breasts that stick out and up like an Kobe Bryant in Japan are out of the norm and people will stare. It is SIMPLE FUCKING LOGIC! Gawd, why is that so hard to comprehend?!
• Self-Defeating. This goes along with non-functional but I think that non-functional is too far. Like I stated before, women feel they have a negative connotation from men AND other women (Because women are the ultimate haters. Talk to one for ten minutes and see what I mean. JUST LIKE NIGGAS! Man, I need to turn this shit into a book) when they get fake breasts. Yet….they still get them and then they complain.

At the end of the day, I am not against them altogether because like I said people do things that I think are unnecessary but I am one man with one opinion. Getting them doesn’t make you a horrible person just like getting a tattoo or an abortion don’t make you a horrible person. Hell, chicks that get abortions are awesome because odds are they will cut a nigga for you. THEY KILLED A BABY, MAN! That is stone cold! I kid, I kid. However, I believe that you should at least ATTEMPT to be happy with what you have whether it is in excess or lacking. Besides, having fake breasts doesn’t mean you should be devoid in…what’s that thing people lack so often…oh a FUCKING PERSONALITY. Just like men need to learn that nice cars don’t mean you can have the brain capacity of a retarded bat, women need to understand that while I fake breasts are okay you have to have more personality than them. I am just saying. I don’t want none of this:

Give me some of this:

Better yet….

DAMN, TOO MUCH BOOTY IN THE PANTS!!

I likes the backyard…I admits it.

Not Really A Deal Breaker: Kids (Unless They Bad. Then We Gots To Have A Talk)

Okay, I have had this conversation with some of homies and they always say “Oh, I will never date or marry a woman with kids! That is ground zero!” and I understand that statement. Kids are a responsibility that I do not want and I have a high amount of respect for women doing it on their own because someone has to. Don’t want to have to beat a kid with a bat because he tried to rob me because daddy wasn’t there to put a foot in his ass. Oh, and for those of you who have stripper daughters because daddy wasn’t there to tell her that he loved her….you can’t win them all:

Doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. You did good. Restecpa. At the end of the day, only Muslims have 70 female virgins lying around because….they is all in those burkas and shit. No man wants a sweaty bitch. This is Colorado Springs and the dude to chick ratio rivals the fucking Smurfs so odds are a woman has had “teh sex” with another man and since people here are dumb from the lack of oxygen they don’t protect themselves. In other words, there are rugrats running around and like Bruce Lee did his demons in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story you to must confront a woman’s children. Which is fine because children are the future and there is nothing more vindicating than warping someone else’s children like I would do mine. Children absorb your knowledge like the sponge a woman wasn’t smart enough to use that would have kept her from getting pregnant in the first place. Or with at least more accuracy than not.

There is nothing wrong with a woman with kids…unless they are bad. Now there is a CERTAIN PERSON who will remain nameless that has two hellions that are THIS CLOSE to catching a brain-ah-bustah:

Now all kids are rambunctional. Hell, I had my destructive day. Yes, DAY because my mom was the master of a little something called “Killanigga-Fu” that kept me from doing a lot of shit. At the end of the day, a woman with kids is a fact of life just like a man with kids. Yes, it is rarer than usual but it happens and that shouldn’t stop you from getting to know that person. Unless that kid is in need of a serious chairshot:

God, The Rock nearly killed like seven people with chairshots. It’s what made him The People’s Champ!

A TOTAL Deal Breaker: A Penis

Yeah…..um….ew. Now understand one thing here. VERY CLEARLY. I am very open in my sexuality but one thing I will not tolerate from a mate is a penis. Little known fact: dispite my love of the theater, Wham! And disco I am totally straight. I don’t care who’s it is….that shit is gross. The human wang is NOT a beautiful thing when it is supposed to be in or on me and it is not my own. Yes I have an affinity for Zac Efron and Bi but at the end of the day we are not having the sex. I mean, maybe some cuddling but sex is OUT. I KID, I KID. I would totally go legs akimbo for Johnny Depp.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, I AM JOKING!

I’m cereal right now. No more dudes buying me drinks. I feel bad about not giving it up at the end of the night. I don’t want to be a “roadrunner” as Nicole put it. I swear I’m not a whore!

Well, that is enough of that for a while. I am surprised you all liked the first one but hey, to each their own. So I bought my first CD’s since I bought The Little Mermaid Broadway Production (Seriously…I am straight) and I am one of the reportedly over 423,000 people that bought Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III” ON ITS FIRST DAY OF RELEASE. Those are some sick numbers right there. I mean like Kanye or Eminem numbers! I mean….it’s Lil Wayne! Now I have never bought a Lil Wayne album and think his best song never even got a damn video:

That is some bad ass notes right there. However, I decided to give the album a chance in hopes he would improve over the ball of shit that was “Lollipop” because that itself made me NOT want to buy it. So now, let me give you the first (I believe) ever album review on the Passion of Chachi! So now, since everyone else has already reviewed it or downloaded the bootleg I give you…

Master Chief Captain Chachi Presents: Turn My Headphones Up!

Today’s Album: Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III”

Okay, let’s get this out of the way. “A Milli” and “Lollipop” suck ass. “Feel Like Dying” should be on there (there is a hidden track that iTunes won’t play and I hope that is it) as it really branches out, giving us something that is more Andre 3000 than Lil Wayne. With that out of the way, the album is full of average songs for the hype given and in comparison to the work he put in on mixtapes and remixes in the last 12 months (For a while, he had me at “I am the beast. Feed me rappers or feed me beats”. I expected nothing from “Mr. Carter” as Jay-Z has been phoning it in since The Blueprint IMHO while “Tie My Hands” with Robin Thicke doesn’t recapture the awesomeness that was “Shooter” but it is a good groove. I will say this about his album: the producers brought it for him. From Kanye West to Swizz Beats (Who actually made a beat that didn’t reloop an annoying ass sample! Branching out!) the beats on this album are worth the $9.99 price I paid for it. Lil Wayne’s lyricism is unparallel on guest verses and mixtapes but I don’t believe he has EVER brought it like Common, Kanye and even T.I. on a FULL ALBUM. A great album isn’t three great songs (Let The Beat Build, Playing With Fire and Shoot Me Down I really like) and a slew of average songs. Oh, and Lollipop which sucks ass, I don’t care what anyone says. You know, the songs he left off or had on UK or iTunes exclusive versions were better than some of the songs left on for the mass release (I HATE the hook for “Whip It” but that fucker is catchy as hell).

Overall, this album is on par with his first albums (I said I never BOUGHT a Lil Wayne album) but nowhere near as good as his first album. I miss Mannie Fresh. In closing, it was more of the same from Weezy which is a letdown as I was really expecting him to really jump that threshold concept-wise when putting together an album. I don’t know what it is, but the creativity and freedom he gives us on guest spots and street mixes are not heard on his albums and that is disheartening. If KG doesn’t win the NBA Finals this year, he really COULD BE raps Kevin Garnett. I give "Tha Carter III" Three Platinum Chains out of Five!

Well, that is all for now. I will odds are not be up tomorrow as I will be in Denver for work but I will have the Countdown up on either LAAAAAATE Friday night or Saturday for the first time in a year or so. I try to keep a schedule on this thing. Oh, and I don’t post before it comes out….I never thought I would say this…but GO SEE “THE INCREDIBLE HULK!”

I am officially sold on this movie. I will be there! Oh....and Mandy Moore is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I love you, Mandy!

Chachi Out.