Either way, there are some things that I need to get out there in hopes of a mob being formed to kill said people.
Things That Need To Stop
Number One: Twitter
Okay, first off if you have a Facebook…and a Twitter…and a MySpace…and a Wordpress… you need to be shot in the face with a pellet gun until you understand that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. I am typing this as I masturbate to Japanese schoolgirl porn. Did you NEED to know about that? DID YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT?! Well you should have because that takes a lot of skill and I believe I need a round of applause due to my talents. I would but I am preoccupied. The digital information age has given us so much and yet people do the exact same shit but faster and stupider. Did anyone hear about the Asher Roth situation? I will touch on dumbasses later but what the fuck, man? As people we usually have a filter that keeps us from saying things to people without thinking them through. I personally don’t believe in that but to each their own. People say that Twitter is a great way to keep in contact with people but you know what I do to keep in contact with people?
I FUCKING TALK TO THEM
Does the world really care about what you ate or where you are at that day? Now I for one use MySpace to communicate with my friends about shit that they would either laugh at or be interested in. I would say that 80% of the friends I have on my page (And about 90% on Facebook because I fucking hate it and update it so rarely that I watch old episodes of M*A*S*H more than I look at the shit) don’t even give a fuck about what I am sending. Memes? Zach and Von. Hatred of Coldplay? Should be everyone but some of you shits love Coldplay and I secretly hate you. You SO know who you are. If you have a Twitter or you “tweet” or whatever you fuckers call it that is fine. Don’t tell me because I don’t care and neither should anyone else. The only person that should have had Twitter was Jesus. That shit would have been funny:
JHChristLuvzMaryMag: These fucking Jews turned me in to the Romans! WTF?!
JHChristLuvzMaryMag: OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP THAT! Do you know who I am?! My dad owns the ultimate dealership! Fuck you guys!
JHChristLuvzMaryMag: Carrying this fucking crucifix. Would it have hurt them to used some lighter wood? Or even given me a nosh? It is such a long walk and my feet are killing me! Luckily they can’t hurt any more than they do now. Sry about the complaining; it’s the Jew in me LOL!
JHChristLuvzMaryMag: Whoa, they are tying me up now. When Mary does this its fucking hawt but she is a paid professional. Hey, they have nails! They much be stabilizing the base because this thing does NOT look sturdy! That’s nice of….OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT’S MY FAPPING HAND!
JHChristLuvzMaryMag: This is so lame! Asshole just stabbed me! I am so going to fuck up is my birthday! See what I did there? Aaaaaaaaaand now I'm dead.
If you didn’t laugh at that…you may want to just stop reading now. It is SO gonna get worse. I am on a roll right now. Long story short, Twitter all you want just don’t expect me to act like you are doing something new or I give a shit. It was called RSS and only nerds used it to let other nerds know about nerd stuff. But you fuckers usurped it and now it is pop culture. One word for you all: DIE. Speaking of usurping shit from nerds…
Number Two: The Rise in Casual Gaming
So I ask those of you that care to read the latest VGCats comic. Read it? Good. I have ranted about “casual gaming” a few times and I honestly now look at “casual gamers” the exact same way I look at “casual drinkers.” Which means I think you are a bunch of pussies. My own opinion and if you disagree go somewhere else. Matter of fact, pick up your Guitar Hero controller…and shove it up your ass. Now to you fuckers that consider “Rock Band” and Guitar Hero” expertise makes you a gamer…you are right in theory. Playing a game in an avid manner does make you a “gamer” but you are a gamer in the same sense that Nelly is a “rapper.” Yes, you do it but what you do isn’t necessarily helpful and it doesn’t make you skilled at any OTHER games so you are really just a “Rock Band Playa” which makes you a “FUCKING FAG-FUCK DOUCHEBAG” if you think you are a “real gamer.” Although there is a mod for Electric Six’s “Gay Bar” which raises it a few levels:
Nothing better than a gay bar. You see, I hate people who cling to the old ways of being in your mother’s basement with Chee-tos and Mountain Dew playing Unreal or Counter Strike for hours on end is the only way to be a “true gamer” but I can and will tell you that they bring up a valid point. For the longest time, people looked down on gamers because they felt we were social rejects because we didn’t want to toss around the pigskin or engage in the homosexual gropefest and dry-humping spectacular that is MMA and UFC. Yes, I called it gay and that is cool just call it what it is. It isn’t manly; it’s foreplay. Anyway, I can’t blame the wannabe superstars on their bastardization of gaming because in the end it is DEVELOPERS that make these games because average games (Which is what Guitar Hero and Rock Band are. There is very little that is new and/or skillful about it and you fucking know it. Play a real instrument, jackass) that sell a shitload to the game-playing deficient are more profitable than GREAT GAMES that only real game players buy because they are fucking hard or require the time and attention to actually play it for several hours. Except Ninja Gaiden. That game is just rape on a disc.
Now I am not going to sit here and say that those games don’t have their place. I have partaken in Rock Band once or twice but I do not consider those people that throw a party, get drunk and attempt to play Foo Fighters “Everlong” on Medium or whatever gamers. I don’t, if you don’t agree take your ass somewhere else. The internetz is vast. I don’t want those players lumped in with people that took the time out to find the magic sword in Zelda or defeat all the Weapons in the Final Fantasy series (EAT A DICK, OMEGA WEAPON!) and can recite the Konami code by heart. We are a different breed. We aren’t necessarily better than you but we are NOT you so stay the HELL OUT OF MY GAME STORES YOU HIPSTER, DOUCHEBAG, COLLER POPPING, FRISBEE GOLF PLAYING, DRUNKEN FUCKFACED COCKMONGERS.
Number Three: Hipster Douchebag Fashions
Okay, I know a lot of you are going to be offended by what I am going to say so I am going to put this in terms even the most brain-dead of you can comprehend. THIS IS NOT FUCKING FASHION:
God, the only think keeping Colin Farrell alive is "In Bruges" because he needs to fucking go. Anyway, this scarf is not for some douche or some bitch who thinks it’s a sweet fashion statement. If I wore a shirt that showed a bloody picture of the King of the Jews (Jebus for those of you that didn’t know he went by that) with a line on it stating “I Wasn’t Supposed To Be In Today!” I figure Christians would be offended. I look at it the same way. Now a lot of you don’t like Muslims and that is fine. They don’t like you and I don’t like you either. I make Jew jokes all the time but at the end of the day there is a line. I don’t really CARE about the line but I try not to cross it unless I truly mean to. To wear clothes as fashion that first of aren’t meant to be worn as fashion is dumb. To wear something that is an important symbol to a religion is just asinine. I look at people who wear the keffiyeh like it is a fucking studded belt as idiots because it just isn’t all that cool looking. You really just look like a douche. If you think it is fashion then…well…that’s cool. You look like a god damn tool though. With that being said I also need to let these same douchebags know that CHE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FUCKING PEICE OF CLOTHING:
Now on Friday I saw a fucker in a studded belt, tight black pants, a green Che shirt and a keffiyeh and all I could think was “I have to kill this person. If I don’t, he will FUCKING BREED!” Now to each their own when it comes to pretty much everything but man that combination is wrong on so many fucking levels that if you don’t understand why then you need to just go to Canada RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. For what reason is his face on a bikini and baby clothes?! I mean…GOD DAMN IT I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH. We have to vote for a president out of these fuckers! Either way, this shit needs to stop.
Number 4: Twilight
I’ve never read one of the books, never seen the movie and I don’t even know what the point of it is. All I know is that the vampires twinkle in it. That is the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard. That’s pretty much it. The shit needs to stop.
Number 5: White People That STILL Feel The Need To Bitch About Not Being Able To Be Racist
You know, I love how we get one Black president and White people think that its catarok and hell week all wrapped up into one in this bitch. America was already going into freefall before he came in. There is no easy fix so shut the fuck up. I didn’t see anyone bitching when shit wasn’t working before. Anyway, I was reading up on Asher Roth because I wanted to buy his album but never got around to it. There was this big uproar about him referring to “nappy headed hoes” on his Twitter and as soon as I heard it all I could say was “Aw hell” because I knew shit was about to hit the fan.
Now in my honest opinion…and some of you will be shocked…but Black people need to shut the fuck up about shit sometimes. Is it really that big of a deal? The phrase is already in our lexicon and vernacular so to be up in arms about it when it is used in context not really dealing with anything is crying wolf. It was a dipshit thing to say on Asher’s part but at the end of the day…maybe he WAS chillin with women of the night that didn’t maintain their hairstyle in a socially acceptable manner. Which equals a nappy headed hoe. You ever thought of THAT?
With that being said it is time for White people to understand something. I reiterate this AT LEAST once a month and you never listen. The simple fact is that at what point should that word even be in your arsenal of used words in a day anyway? I have only heard one person mention nappy heads on TV EVER and that was Martin! The fact that he was even using the word puts him at fault because who even says that? When I hang with my Jewish friends I don’t call them my “Jesus Killing Heebs” or my Mexican friends my “River Crossing Vatos” because that is just fucking dumb. And I am as offensive and indifferent to the feelings of others as anyone…probably moreso. No reason to say it just like there is no real reason to ever say ANY RACIAL OR ETHNIC SLUR. Unless you are talking about the swarthy ass Turks.
But my original point was about White people that STILL BITCH about the fact they can’t say nigger or spic or wop or Aiken. The first question is why? Because Blacks say nigger you should be able to? What kind of logic is that? The argument that it is your word anyway? Well, good luck with that. No one should say it ever but you have the right to say whatever the fuck you want to. Just be prepared that some people are not going to happy with your choice of words. I know people don’t like my choice of words but I stand by them. It is why I watch what the fuck I say! Even if I DO say something that will offend people I have accepted that I will be taken to task for it by someone that feels I am out of line and am prepared to deal with the consequences. White people are like women in that way that they want all the power to say what they want with none of the responsibility of being offensive and hurting others. Congratulations, you are no better than the niggers you hate so much because that is what they do. Yeah, I said it. In the end, quit your bitching and say it if you want to. Just be ready to have the foot broken off in your ass for saying something you didn’t need to say in the first god damn place.
I am out. It is late as hell and I am sick as shit. May not be back up for a few days, so there will definitely be some repeats. I will TRY (READ, PEOPLE! TRY!) to put up an Omnibus for Monday. I am tired so I may just sleep for tomorrow and rest up seeing as how I have to be up at 5am everyfuckingmorning to drive across the state. Oh, and NO I don't have cancer. It was a joke, of you never saw the episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Frylock got cancer then it doesnt make sense. And with that I say good night.
Chachi Out
