This is a cry for mercy, I promise
My success would be the death of you
Low and behold,
You sold ya soul, there’s nothing left of you
Look in the mirror, ask yourself “who are you?”
If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?
Okay, I am back on the scene and for you sharp eyed thugs out there you know that is from “The Realest Killaz” by 2Pac and....ugh....50 Cent. However, I will tell you with a straight face that his verse in this song is the only work he has ever done that I liked. The reason is simple: if you are not comfortable with yourself, you can never truly be happy. It is that fucking simple.
Now as many of you know I am batshit crazy. You know what? I don’t give a fuck how any of you feel about it. You think I am a dick? Eat one, motherfucker. You think I am conceited and pretentious? You damn right I am and I have earned that right because I always embrace a chance to learn so I have garnered a lot of knowledge and life experience. Don’t get on my shit because your dumb ass doesn’t know who Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are. You think I am a nerd and you see that as being anti-social? Fuck you, prick. Just because I don’t spend my day banging skanks and drinking brews with the bros but actually think of ways to get my shit right doesn’t make me a nerd. It makes you a fuckwit and I hope you fucking die before you can procreate. Although, usually the stupid fuck like imprisoned rabbits during conjugal visits and make more children which means we have a shitload of rednecks and niggas (See: Idiocracy) and of course an assload of AIDS ridden Africans. Yes, I went there. If you aint ready for what I just said then stop reading now because this shit is going to get hardcore because I am through fucking around with people. I need a concealed weapons permit but I know I would become the Punisher or some shit because you gots to go.
With all that is good about me, I have accepted my faults. I know I am a fattie and I try to work on it. At the same time....I loves me some chicken. It is delicious and you know it. I should do better but I don’t and I recognize that shit. I chalk it up as a loss, charge it to the game and work on that shit when I can. I know I can be PERCIEVED as an asshole but one person’s “asshole” is another person’s “funniest nigga alive.” You think everyone thought Richard Pryor, George Carlin or Redd Foxx was funny? Hell no, they were band and called offensive and ruiners of the American youth. Yet, they didnt care. They did what they thought was funny and if you actually listened you learned some shit, too. Except for Redd Foxx....that nigga was just messed up in the head. He was funny as shit, though! Some of you have said I have problems with women which is false. I have problems with the women I KNOW AND HAVE DEALT WITH but I don’t lump them all as one group like some women do men (Or each other which is PRICELESS) as an attempt to create some skewed understanding of why your life is fucked up. Quit being a fucking tard and realize that people are different and even the most normal person will act different under varying stimuli. If he acts a little crazy because you don’t shut the fuck up and he acts a little crazy when you DO shut the fuck up then that nigga is really crazy and you need to go. Don’t collect $200 (Or child support which is SO SPECIAL because kids have no concept of that shit but hey, it aint my gig to judge) just leave and figure out what about you makes you drive people away or bring the dickwads. Oh, and same for men. I am living proof. I had my mom call me out on the fact I attract stupid bitches and crazy women because I will actually listen to them when I should be kicking them in the chest and running away (Her words, not mine. I tell you I would vote for her as President. Except for the fact she would have the “Shoot My Son On Sight” law) and I took myself to task and asked myself what makes this happen? If you don’t do that then you should shut the fuck up because if you don’t know you own problems you can’t judge anyone else. Nor should you, but I will touch on that later.
Now if you address the problem and you can’t fix it, there is nothing wrong with that. Contrary to what shrinks and dickweed talk show hosts want you to believe, there is nothing wrong with a little bit of dysfunctionality. It gives you character and actually gives you a little better outlook on shit. I listen to Griff and Zach about women because they have dealt with some crazy bitches, just like me. I aint going to take advice on women from a nigga that got married out of college because he knocked his girlfriend up and has been miserable ever since on some subjects. He may be able to give me sound advice on some things but not everything! You see, being dysfunctional is only bad if it is all you know and will accept. If you are used to having your ass kicked by a man (Or a woman...long story. I was scared!) that is actually okay. As long as you KNOW it is dysfunctional and make an attempt to stay away from that dynamic. Now if you are CONSTANTLY with a different man that is kicking your ass on the daily (Or hourly which is a championship beater and I tip my hat) then you really need to not fucking date LET ALONE MARRY. A man only kicks your ass because you let him get away with it. Seriously, a man knows that LOOKING AT A WOMAN THE WRONG WAY CAN LEAD TO JAIL TIME. Or ending up like Emmitt Till but that may have been too far....naaaaaah. I keeps it real, real offensive. So if a man hits you the first time and you do nothing, there is a problem with you and a bigger problem with him but at that point it’s like not calling a borderline hard foul in the NBA as a flagrant foul. You can’t let three or four hard checks in the lane go and then all of a sudden call a flagrant on a breakaway over the back foul. I mean you CAN but the repercussions are a lot greater (Public scrutiny, suspension, being dissed by Shaq in a battle “rap”) than if you had called everything how it was. If you can’t understand that analogy then you deserve to get hit. Now some will say that “No woman ever deserves to get hit” and I disagree but you should just NEVER DO IT. Everyone deserves to get a foot broken off in their ass; you should just never do it to a woman. I need to put that on a t-shirt.
So I am sure that you are wondering what the hell this post is even about. Well, I am too because I just started typing after a few drinks and my six minutes of drunkenness has worn off because I and a fattie. However, I want to touch back on the initial quote from that 2Pac song I have at the top:
If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?
Simple line and a rather deep quote. Almost doesn’t belong in Fiddy’s vernacular but here we are. Now if you don’t know what makes you “you” then how can you except to be with anyone else and be happy? I know who I am, and that is how I KNOW that I can never be with anyone else and be happy....unless it’s Mandy Moore:
Oh, Mandy. Restraining orders can’t keep me from you! Well, they CAN but you get the idea. The simple fact is no one gives a fuck about you. Hell, no one gives a fuck about anyone. Oh, it’s nice to pretend we care about what is going on in Darfur or that we know where it is (It’s just south of Detroit, right?) but at the end of the day the majority people are selfish. Much like I said about being shallow, there is nothing wrong with being selfish. It can alienate you and keep you from helping or meeting people but at the end, some of the greatest advances in people were created in selfishness:
• The Cotton Gin: Lazy Negros didn’t want to spend all day in the field. That was fine, more time to beat them! Can’t beat them while they work, it lowers productivity. I’m...so never going to get married after this.
• Slam Dunk Competition: You think any of us would give a fuck about a Dee Brown, Spud Webb or Dominique Wilkins? Fuck no. None of us do NOW, but for like 8 minutes, they were glorious dunking darkies. Hey, they should change the name of the Seattle Supersonics to the Oklahoma City Dunking Darkies! Man, I need to stop!
• Breast Implants: The female version of getting a BMW. You think it makes up for all your faults and gives you self esteem but in the end it just makes you look like a moron. But it’s all about you and that is all that matters!
• Masturbation: The ultimate in self-gratification. Initially, they were going to call “self-gratification” masturbation but it felt too good to have such a generic meaning.
• Mormonism: Or as I call it “Christianity: The Quest For More Cash Money” because they are all about that fetti. We all hate on them, but they are getting rich off of God. And isnt that what he is there for? How many of you pray to God for money or help with bills? They said “fuck that shit” and did it their damn selves. Can’t hate on that, but the Wolven wouldn’t have that shit.
• The Keytar: The ultimate in not just selfishness, but in ego-tripping. You know that the keyboard player wanted the cockgobbling groupie love the guitarist got so some lonely fuck created the keytar to capture some of that 80’s hairsprayed Jersey girl tang. I guess it worked....
• Breaking Up The Band: Paul Simon, Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Sting, Beyonce, Busta Rhymes and of course George Michael all said “fuck the band, I want that cash money!” and went solo. We are all better people for it. I guess, I personally only like George Michael and Paul Simon. You can call me Al, too! We are soulmates! Please someone get that reference.....
So selfishness actually helps out everyone. Understand another thing, just because there is nothing WRONG with it doesn’t mean you should BE selfish. Knowing what you want isn’t being selfish just like knowing what you are attracted to isn’t being shallow. However, if you are willing to sabotage yourself and others because you are unhappy, that is being selfish. Well, let me take that back. That is being a FUCKTARD. Dumb shit like that gives selfish people a bad name. If what you WANT is destructive to yourself or others because that in itself is selfish. If you are okay with your actions then like I have always said you have to be you. At the end of the day, you can’t continually be selfish about your actions and expect good things to happen to you. Hitler was pretty fucking selfish and he died of a gunshot wound to the head in a bunker like a punk bitch. Kind of like Light in “Death Note”:
FUCKED UP. I was expecting him to just go apeshit and start writing down everyone he ever knew or something. Anyway, like I was saying. Being selfish is quite alright, as long as you are okay about where you will end up. If you aren’t happy where you end up then stop being selfish. Gawd, what is so difficult about that? For such an advanced and revered society, we sure do have a lot of simple problems that we can’t seem to fucking fix. You think the Sudanese worry about “I wish I could just find a guy and keep him without fucking it up because I am born to undo myself like the pants of Korean whore during shore leave?” No, because they speak in clicks and beeps. Man....I am never going to find a wife at this rate.
Okay, back to what I believe is the whole point of this quasi-rant (Wait, at four pages this is officially a sleep-deprived diatribe). Everything in your life is based around how you feel about yourself. I learned that after high school after trying to fit in and be what I was not (Griff, remember the braids? Man...I was not the fashion icon I am now) that sometimes being yourself means understanding that you are not perfect. But you know what? Perfection is pointless. Seriously, once you achieve perfection all you can do is start over. What makes us human is the fact that we strive to be the best we can be. Which is all God in all his (Or her for you people who think that God could actually be a woman....but it would explain why the Bible makes no sense and bounces around like a freshman girl at a kegger. ZING!) imperfections asks of you. We are a work in progress, people. I quite a dude that has become arguably my second favorite captain in Bleach after this dialog:
“In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion. Regardless of those who utter the contrary. This is the reality.....the common man seeks it out. They aspire to achieve it, as if it were some tangible thing. But...the fact of the matter is, perfection is a hollow shell....it is devoid of any substance. I spit on perfection. Perfection after all, implies that you’ve reached the summit....no trial and error....no ability to conceptualize. An omniscient being would have no need for such superfluous things.
Am I making myself clear?
For those people who dabble in the sciences such as ourselves, perfection would render us obsolete. Many magnificent things have been and will continue to come into existence and yet, everyone last one of them will fall short of perfection’s finish line. Our function as men of science relies on their many shortcomings. Then....and only then can we apply the fruits of our labor. To put it simply... as soon as you began spouting that nonsense about being an immaculate being...your fate was sealed.”
Wordy? Yes but Bleach usually is. And once again, anime serves the real life like “Breakin.” People are selfish, shallow, petty, prejudiced beings and most of this is gathered over time. However, it is how you take yourself to task on your imperfections that makes you who you are. To constantly be a habitual line stepper (I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH! Rest in peace, you Black mother fucker!) about the same shit isn’t striving for perfection, it is accommodating imperfection which is even unhealthier. Ask yourself, “Who are you” and until you can answer that question and are okay with the answer you give you have to work at it. Working at it for YEARS (You know who you are) isn’t progress. That is like saying that OJ is still trying to find the killers of those two White people he killed. You are lying to yourself and you are lying to America. It may be okay for a President, but it aint okay for you. DOUBLE BURN! I AM THE BURN MASTER!
Well, that is all for now. I will be back up tomorrow at some point for some reason that is unbeknownst to me right now. I am considering doing a full rant about abortion, but I am sure my readership will drop. To like...two. You all know my stance but it couldn't hurt to voice it loudly and proudly. Also, stay tuned as my 600th post on Blogger is coming up and I am probably doing another Omnibus (Straight up, not specialized) and if I get enough questions I MAY do a Reader's Choice Omnibus! All six readers out there, send your questions and I will answer them as frankly and offensively as possible. You know how I do. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
