Well, first things first. Time for the Douche of the Week! Now one guy had a lock on this honor as of Friday, but luckily I didn't update it then because someone else deserved this A HELL OF A LOT MORE than him. Meanwhile, there was another idiot that I wanted to award Douche of the Week to but I figure there are multiple more times for this dipshit to win this so I passed for now. Here we are, the runners up for Douche of the Week!
#3 Ben Roethlisberger
Tragic fact that he almost died aside (did you see that pool of blood where his his head reportedly landed? Hachi-machi!), the man is a dipshit. I will always feel that if you ride a motorcycle without a helmet that you are helping the natural order of things. The fact that your ass ill likely die really helps out those of us smart enough to wear helmets or just not ride period. I remember him talking about how he is 'oh, so safe' and didn't wear a helmet because he was such a great rider. PISS OFF. Do you think his dumb ass would refuse to wear a helmet on the field? Hell no (because I think it's a rule, for one) because that is fucking stupid. Running into a linebacker is not a dangerous or deadly as being tossed off a motorcycle going 45MPH. I don't have any science to back that statement up, but it doesn't matter. Both are dangerous and both require protection. Thanks, Ben. You just made your state proud, you backward fucker. Oh, and about being saved by the grace of god: fuck him too. If he is willing to save dipshits like you and Kellen Winslow but let John Ritter die then god is an asshat.
#2 Britney Spears
Yeah, she will be on this list A-FUCKING-LOT. Aside from the fact that she has been reduced to a baby factory (albeit wealthy baby factory) to the most worthless human being in the history of the world, she seems to be lacking standard skills for a mother (which is a touchy subject for me because I try to never judge people's parenting skills because I am not one. Yet, I feel like she is one more dumb ass move from having that kid taken away) and has a husband that just doesn't fucking get how to not be a fucktard, Britney is still a fucking idiot. Now that she is 'reportedly' going to head to Namibia to birth the second 'Spawn of Stupid' (which is being debated about on the validity of the claim) I can officially say that she deserves to be up here. First off, be original. With Brad Pitt and Angelina Whorelie (yeah, a friend of mine pointed out she is a huge ass hypocrite and I have to agree with her about it) going to another country to escape the paparazzi because...well Brad was a fucking tool and Angelina is insane (Cambodian immigrants? Bitch, please! Humanitarian or not, like Carlos Mencia said there are good old American orphans than need homes you uppity bitch! We are at fucking war, TRAITOR!). Britney is (supposedly) going to Namibia because quite simply with wild animals, insane heat and lack of child labor laws until 2007 she won't look like an utter and complete dipshit as a parent. I really wanted to give her the first Douche of the Week award, even if the Namibia shit was false because she should have beat Heather Graham in Douchebrawl. I know its up to the peeps, but I really don't see Heather Graham being worse than Britney. Anyway, after a week like that, someone REALLY had to be a Douche to top that. So who is the first Douche of the Week?
#1 Jack Black
So, I went to see Nacho Libre this weekend. And...um...I wanted to punch a kitten. Dead in the face. That was the only way I could get that movie out of my mind. I should have known when I saw the movie poster:
That I was in for a shitty experience. This movie had only ONE funny scene, and it involved and ugly Latino (btw, Jared Hess must hate Mexicans because every one in this movie was borderline retarded. That was NOT COOL. That and he is a member of Church of Latter Day Saints which makes him a tard and worthy of a beatdown), a buttery corn cob and an orifice. Yeah, and the shit wasn't even that funny. You know what? Jack Black isn't really all that funny either. I mean he's funnier than Carrot Top but so is sodomy. The guy had one good movie (School of Rock had it's moments and Saving Silverman was BAD ASS, mainly because of Steve Zahn and the military dude) and riding that bitch 'till the wheels fall off. He wasn't even on the radar until this shitfest, and sadly it's the #2 movie in America. Which proves that we NEED the electoral college because Donald Duck or Spongebob Squarepants would be President right now if people really voted. In closing, Jack Black, you are the first Douche of the Week for 2006! Congratulations and I want my $9.50 back, you fucker.
Now, for pointless fun. This has nothing to do with anything. It's just funny as hell.
I can't wait for season three of Drawn Together. People who hate that show don't know funny. Especially the Ling-Ling getting surgery episode. Oh, and the lost episode when they were erasing racist cartoons? Fucking SWEET.
Okay, I never thought I would say this. I prayed for the day it would happen and now that it has I am just getting irritated with it.
ENOUGH WITH THE ATL!!
Being a native of Georgia, I was happy to see Atlanta make it big with Lil Jon, Outkast, Goodie Mobb and Ludacris all becoming stars. Now...it's just getting redundant. All the songs sound the same, which has ALWAYS been a problem and now artists are beginning to overlap. Why in the fuck is Sean Paul from the Youngbloodz in three songs?! He SUCKS IT HARD compared to other MC's from Georgia. To top it off, those three songs sound like the SAME FUCKING SONG! I mean Jeebus! All of these things need to go:
Snapping (Fucking stupid now. I was down for it in the beginning, now it just looks like spastic fits)
Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It (Yeah, liked the song hated the dance. It's not really a dance as much as its a survival technique on a capsizing vessel)
Anything Lil' Jon Has Said. EVER (It's over. It was over when Dave Chappelle PARODIED IT, assholes. The next person that says 'crunk' gets slapped across the face with a T.I. CD)
That Dumb Ass Motorcycle Dance (Not sure who invented it or why, but let it the fuck go. It may be the most asinine dance since 'Da Dip'. Well, maybe not because that dance was FUCKING SHIT)
USHER IS NOT A GENRE OF MUSIC!!! God dammit if have to tell your fool asses one more time. Sammie, Chris Brown, Mario (that guy fell off the face of the planet AGAIN) Lloyd (Him too. I liked Southside) and Ne-Yo really are the same guy. It's like Usher has created dopplegangers of himself with less talent to tide people over until they miss him and he comes to save us from their crapitude. Well I am not falling for it, Usher. I am on to your little game and IT WILL NOT WORK! I see through you like your sincerity. You are officially on THE LIST, Usher. Your evil must be stopped!
Grillz I know that they are not really an Atlanta thing, but I hate those shits. You know, people may question my 'Niggaploma' because I was raised in the suburbs and am thoroughly against ignorance (which is now about 70% of what being Black is all about) but the thought that there are people willing to put metal in their mouth on purpose for the sake of fashion shows that maybe we haven't come as far as we thought as a people. If not wanting to be weighed down with enough metal to be beaten by Homeland Security at DIA (because I am waiting for the day that some Black dude gets his shit kicked in because he has a Grill on by the crack airport security) makes me a punk then fuck it. I will be the punk without a glove up my ass and a billy club around my neck. Besides, like Stephen Colbert says: I didn't sell out to America, America bought in to the Chachi.
Man, now I am all pissed off. So, about my statement Usher not being a genre of music. Se7en seems to have figured it out. If you mix enough styles, you get one that is so convoluted that people just stop trying to create one for you. Besides, Se7en kicks ass.
You know, it's a shame that he looks like a hippie now. He's going through that Justin Timberlake 'jew-fro' thing he had going on for about 4 months. Hopefully he will grow out of it because he looks like he needs a Vietnam to thin out his ranks if you know what I mean. Get a haircut, hippie!
Well, I gotta enjoy the rest of my weekend because this next week is gonna be a bitch. Ya'll stay up and I will try to have better updates during the week for you guys.
Chachi out.
