What is up, people?! It is Monday and I am back on the scene and all I have to say is that damn it…I need a new bed. My back is fucking killing me every morning and sleeping is now something I avoid unless I sleep on the couch. Still trying to find one that isn’t massive for when I hit the road because I really don’t want to move shit. Streamline my items and whatnot.
Well, it has been a while since I just kicked back and talked about me a little bit, rather than rant and rave like I usually do. Mostly that is because my life rarely has any interesting points to it (SIKE, NIGGA! My life is in a constant state of layoffs and flux!) and those points that ARE interesting either include a woman screwing me over or someone (Usually a woman, nigga or bro) pissing me off to no end. However, I must sit back and look at something that makes me happy. So, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME it is time to bring back a quick installment of…
WHAT CHACHI LIKES!
Chachi Likes…..Porn.
Now as many of you know, I do partake in the viewing of the carnal arts every now and again. Like right “now” and then “again” when I recharge. HI-YO! Yet, whenever I mention the fact I watch porn to anyone that isn’t one of my five main friends (You know who you are and who you AREN’T) they get all high and mighty like I am the bad one. First off, despite what people say all the time about porn being unhealthy…is it any unhealthier than anything else? Honestly, every friend I have minus two is either single and watching porn (In some cases….right now), divorced or mentally broken to the point that they have to constantly make mistakes to learn anything even though they know that what they are doing is troublesome to them mentally, physically and of course “emotionally” which is a fucking crock but women seem to think that emotional logic exists…..albeit the biggest oxymoron since “sober Irishman.” I think the real issue with porn is the negative connotation given to watching and performing in it. Which is funny because everyone is having more sex than me…which is none:
Now the fact that I watch porn shocks more people than my views on pretty much everything which is both shocking and yet interesting because I have some pretty fucked up views according to a lot of my friends, mainly of the female persuasion. Which is funny, because not only do females feel the need to always talk about their sex, I am sure that the majority of you have either:
· A tape of you fucking someone which is BEYOND ME because odds are you are not being paid for it and it wasn’t worth the humiliation of fucking a dude who works at the Carmike 10 or Olive Garden on a distributable medium.
· A really torrid sexual tale involving either another female and a male…or another male and a male. By the way, this is the ultimate in hypocrisy because Jasmine Byrne may take it in all holes on film but she gets paid for it. And almost makes it tolerable to watch to boot.
· Have a list of men you have had sex with about as long as the list of men that have been in Menudo. Hell, some of the women I know may have fucked a member of Menudo, and not one of the cool ones we remember like Ricky Martin or Cheech Marin.
· Left you panties at a man’s house. I find that funny because pornstars usually don’t WEAR panties as that leaves evidence of whoredom. Wow, porn stars are GENIUSES!
And yet not only do they find the fact that men watch porn disgusting they have the FUCKING GALL to call the performers in the movies whores. Well, first off that is just jealousy right there. The fact is that you are hating because no one wants to pay to see you have sex on film when they can buy you a few drinks and lie to you for a few hours in your time of dick need and do it for usually a lot less. Porn is expensive nowadays, it’s why I use the P2P. Sorry, but I am on a porn budget here.
Now I always hear from my female friends that porn stars are exploited in these movies and that is wrong. Well, the flawed logic in that is that women believe that exploitation is only definable in their minds so that is bullshit. Think about it, if you have casual sex because you WANT to you are being empowered and vindicated. However, if at any point that man is using YOU solely for sex then you are being exploited. Not now, Chairman Mao because that isn’t how it works. The fact is that porn is a job, just like anything else. No one complains about how athletes are exploited for their athletic prowess and decides to boycott sport. They are paid handsomely to do something most people do for free anyway, right so they shouldn’t complain and you shouldn’t feel sorry for them right? It is the exact same for porn stars. Therefore ladies, your argument about exploitation is bullshit, you are just mad because you didn’t do it first and you get a lot less taxable income when YOU do it. Don’t worry, it is a normal feeling. It is called “hatin.” I used to hate on Diddy until I realized he was ballin:
Now I strive to be as ballin as he is Cambodian breast milk and all.
Okay, for the dudes that say “Oh, I don’t watch porn” all I have to say is…
YOU LYING SACK OF MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
You aint got to lie to kick it, assclown. Watching porn is actually a natural progression of sexual curiosity, male or female. What bugs me about this is that dudes only say they DON’T watch porn when women are around. Now seriously, ladies. I will say a good chunk of men (An 80% clip minus me because I could care less about what you think about me. It’s how I am, hate it or love it) lie to you at all points and junctures to get at your glory muffin. So do you HONESTLY believe that shit? Where do you think they got the idea for anal from, boy scouts? No, they got it from their priest and now they want payback on SOMEONE! Or they got it from porn. Unless you are Mormon or just have had no access to the internet, DVD, VHS or Beta in the last FORTY FUCKING YEARS if you are a male you have seen porn. And even though you may not enjoy it (There is some porn that just makes me say the “nay no” but more on that later) you have seen it so stop lying. Just like everyone else, you learned about the money shot from Peter North so quit faking the funk….or the spunk. Ow, my eye!
Lastly, I have to touch on these people that say that porn is deviant and leads to watching “deviant porn” and even rape/sexual violence. Well, first off this whole concept of porn is between to consenting adults. Let me repeat for you religious fucktards and dumb ass bitches:
TWO….CONSENTING…..ADULTS!!!
Or three….or four. Or the starting line-up of the 1987 Washington Redskins but the point is this. If it is anything else aside from consenting adults it is usually a crime:
· Sex with a male or female minor? CRIME. Nambla and Catholics, I am looking at you. Japan, you’re cool.
· Sex with an animal? CRIME. Although….collies are kind of hot. I KID, GAWD! Take a joke!
· Sex with people in animal costumes? SHOULD BE A CRIME! Fucking furries piss me off. Nasty mother fuckers. An eight-way ass-to-mouth is fine between consenting adults but you people are wrong and you FUCKING KNOW IT!
Bottom line is that if you watch bukkake and say “man, this isn’t fucked up enough for me” then you need to be shot. In the face….or better yet, you need to be in a bukkake and find out how fucked up it is from the other end. That will keep you from moving to the hardcore stuff. Like watching “Requiem For A Dream” if you want to use heroin. If people watch porn and look for a more exteme fix there are fetish sites that while may seem “deviant” to you are good and legal so piss-off. I personally this BDSM is fucking stupid but I know people that are down for it and if you are that is your thing then by all means do it within the eyes of the law and get your rocks soft:
Just please keep the whips and chains away from me. I don’t like hip hop. ZING!
As for the rape defense, you already know how I feel about that. If you don’t then first of WHERE IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, UNDER A ROCK?! How can you consider yourself a reader and even worse how can you consider yourself my friend….I am crushed. Anyway, I will preface this by saying that I have never been raped (Although like Carl, I thought it was funny until I saw Handbanana) and I don’t act like I know what it feels like or comprehend the mental ramifications it has on the victim, female or male. But at its core, I believe (Again...I believe) rape is a crime of violence, not necessarily a crime of sex (I have always looked at rape like a robbery or an assault, not as a sexual crime. It should be treated as such much like how I feel about hate crime but again, it us just my opinion). It is about overpowering the victim’s choice of saying no by force and the act itself is a sexual act. It is much like the debate of video game violence: everyone responds to stimuli differently. If a woman says no, I understand that no means no and I stop. (Can I just say that sentiment isn’t returned by women? It has happened to me three times now and I am no Robert Downey Jr. but I have the right to say know if I feel uncomfortable and yet when I do she flips the fuck out because I am not "allowed to" say no. Just an observation) but someone else may just have to take the pussy like PePe Le Pew because he needs it. Just like with video games one person may play GTA IV for five hours and then go out and have a nice calm sushi and sake dinner with the Hoag and Michelle. Another person might play for ten minutes and decide it is okay to beat the fuck out of a hooker with a baseball bat and steal a tank. You never know. Therefore, to say that porn is a stimulus for sexual violence or rape in men is the same as saying that eating bad taco meat is a stimulus for rape as well. It COULD happen with anything, to say it is MORE LIKELY is purely spectulation because depending on your focus group you could get people like myself and my friends that have watched porn and turned away more sex than gotten (God…I am so fucking sad) or someone that like Jermaine Dupri if he buys you a drink and you drink it up…your going home with him. And you is his girlfriend:
Love that song.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with porn but I will admit there is something wrong with some of the people that watch it and make it (Max Hardcore….ugh. Not a fan in any way shape or form. Then there is GGG….). Just like with alcohol, recreational drugs, gambling and kitten tossing there will be people that cannot function without it and take it to an extreme or form a dependency. Everything is fine in moderation and porn is no exception. Last I heard, porn has never caused a war or caused a genocide so it is doing alright. The only thing porn does is make you run out of Kleenex faster and up your spend in lotion. At this altitude, you can’t have enough lotion so porn actually helps! My skin is soft all the time now! In closing, porn is awesome. It doesn’t judge you and quite simply….is the most American thing ever. With all the teenage pregnancies, abortias (Abortios? Aborti?) divorces due to infidelity and the plethora of sex toys women use (And men like that nasty ass Fleshlight) you would figure people wouldn’t be such candyasses about the money shot. Besides, most of ya’ll swallow or take it in the eye for free so quit yer bitchin’ and judgin’. Join the porn party!
Heh, that was fun. Well, it’s about time for bed. I will try to be back on Wednesday night but if not I will definitely be back on Friday for the Countdown and Sunday for my review of the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
