Merry Christmas, peeps! I have a special Christmas post for you guys, mainly because it is too cold to be outside just yet. Fuck that shit, 9 degrees can eat my ass twice on Wednesday. So another Christmas has come and gifts were exchanged and once again no one gave a shit about Jesus or his fake ass birthday. With that being said, I have an idea for all you Christians out there. An idea that I pitched a few years ago in college during my Philosophy of Religion class that was met with boos and hisses because the CSP loves their Jebus. Why don’t you dumbasses…
MOVE CHRISTMAS TO A NEW DAY?!
Think about it. The only thing Christ-like about Christmas are the carols. And all the good ones are about Santa or the season. “Santa Claus is Coming To Town?” No Jesus in that. “Jingle Bell Rock?” All about how much the season rocks but no King of the Jews in that (more on THAT SHIT later). “Last Christmas?!” Proves that George Michael is bigger than Jesus. There, I said it. The simple fact is that no one cares about Jesus anymore during Christmas time. I don’t give a fuck about him on Easter or St. Patrick’s Day either but on his own supposed birthday he shouldn’t take a back seat to a fat felon in a gay red suit that abuses reindeer and sodomizes elves (Because Ms. Claus aint down with the butt-sex) and only works one day a year. He’s no better than the Groundhog!
So here is my idea: the third Sunday of December. Every year, the third Sunday in December can be used to celebrate Jesus’ fake ass birthday. We can sing carols of his life and (sweet) death and have that dumb ass Charlie Brown Christmas special (Yes, I hate that one. I really do) and see those shitty movies about how people thing the Christmas season has ANYTHING to do with Jesus. The season is about giving gifts and drinking eggnog spiked with rum and/or bourbon and/or whiskey and/or Tuaca (which I am totally hitting up when I get paid). If anything, celebrating the birth of a dude that died because he was a pussy really casts a downer on the season. I am just saying. So give Jesus his own day and let Santa keep December 25th. I’m sorry Big J, you lost this round.
Well, I want to wish everyone a happy holiday this year. Now it is time to prepare for the mind-numbing action that will be New Year’s Eve. I will try to be back up on Thursday with a rant as I prepare for the New Years Resolution post, the Top 100 Music Videos of 2007 and the Year End Omnibus. I will try to knock those out this week so I can rest in January. Until then, stay up peeps. I leave you with EXILE. J-pop + Christmas + funky fresh dance moves = CHRISTMAS RULES!
I want some fucking Christmas cake, dammit!
Chachi Out and Merry Christmas!
