Konichiwa, bitches! It is Tuesday all up in this mug and I’m just glad it is not Monday because Mondays kind of piss me off. Beginning of the work week, end of the weekend. Just an overall downer. Anyway, it is Tuesday and today will kick the ass!
So Britney has a sex tape. Can I get an ew? Maybe in 2001 I would have been interested, but not now. If I wanted to see trailer trash sex...I wouldnt want to too fucking bad. So this dude says he was the inspiration for Borat. Well, too fucking bad. Besides, he is from Turkey. I have never been, but I am sure it sucks. Werent they going to give us monkeys trained to defuse mines for the Iraq war? Tres LAME. Screw Turkey.
So today, I have a beef. That beef is with the myth of being a MAN. You know, I will be the first to say that many have questioned my manliness over the years and I am cool with that. I hate tools, love Broadway (except for Cats, which SUCKS), think that bodily noises are not always funny, love 80’s pop music (Donna Summers, fool! WHAT!) , DESPISE Fight Club (fuck you, I hate that movie) and think that Pamela Anderson is in no way shape or form attractive. Add that in with my weird infactuation with Gackt and I can see why people would wonder. However, my likes don’t make me ‘queer’ or ‘gay’ because at the end of the day, I know I am straight. However, there is this ‘straight man’ myth that needs to be nipped in the bud. So today, I give to you….
CHACHI’S MYTH BUSTERS!!
Today, I will address some myths that are ingrained into the American people about what is straight and not. Pretty much, these are things that are assumed that all men like and you don’t like these things then you are a batty boy. Let’s begin with the most annoying myth…
Myth #1:All Men Love Lesbians. This one is a tad bit iffy. I know where this came from, and the idea is quite nice. Ladies are pretty and smell nice (for the most part on both counts). Following the ‘Pirate Theory’ if one is awesome then TWO must be FUCKING MIND BLOWING. Although that makes sense on one hand, let’s really think about it. I was in the Women’s Advocacy group in college and it had its share of lesbians. Like half the club. I must say, I met them and became friends with them and they look NOTHING like the lesbians you see in porn. NOTHING. Real lesbians for the most part have no interest in men. Aside from infatuation (which I can gladly say I have been a part of. Niiiiice) they could care less about a wang. So what is the assumed love with men and lesbians? It is not REAL lesbians men want. It’s the drunk girls in the club that will kiss eachother or dance like morons to get a free drink. SAD. Those chicks aren’t lesbians, they are just stupid. Men don’t want real lesbians, they just want two hot chicks going at it. Which in my opinion is cool for them, but what does that do for me? It’s like baking two of your favorite cakes and mashing them together….only to NOT EAT THEM. Now two women with me…not a turn on either because I can’t stand being around one for 10 minutes without saying something they don’t get or offending them with a dead puppy joke. However, for the sake of this myth, it is false in how it is worded. Men don’t want lesbians that munch carpet, they want drunk sluts that munch carpet. Big difference.
Men Love Lesbians Myth: FALSE (Men love stupid chicks, not lesbians. They are smart enough to avoid drunk men, which makes them geniuses)
Myth #2: Men Don’t Dance. Well, ain’t this some crap. Real men dance. WELL. Now I am no Se7en or Usher, but I can hold my own. However, it seems that there is a backlash about dancing these days. And rightfully so. Mainly because dancing has turned into fucking Caligula with a techno soundtrack. Seriously, people don’t dance they dry hump. Secondly, since dancing involves movement and in a club with 200+ drunk people (at least!) movement is almost impossible which means that you can only move front, back, and side-to-side. Combine that with the fact that women only know what they have seen in music videos and strip clubs, which mainly involve gyrating and dropping it like it is hot. Add that in with the fact that men don’t know how to dance so all they do is grab and thrust and you have the worlds’ biggest fully clothed gang bang. Since grinding leads to happy time and sometimes that happy time is alcohol induced, bad things end up happening. So some men just avoid the dancing altogether just to not get a charge. Which is fine. That being said, when I went to NDK, anime nerds were dancing to Afro Gunso. ANIME NERDS WERE DANCING!! Most are men, you do the math. Even still, I can’t argue with facts. Go to the club and look. Most men are just swaying with a dring looking at women dance with each other. Nuff said.
Men Don’t Dance Myth: TRUE (Men dance, its just some think they are too cool. Or don’t want to go to jail.)
Myth #3: Men Don’t Cry. BULLSHIT. I will be the first to admit, I have cried. Hell, in the last 12 months. When I got laid off, I had the ‘I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE!!’ cry where I just started flipping out and threatening to destroy the world. But I got it out, let it go, and moved on with my life. I also cried when Mufasa died in The Lion King AND when the Atlanta Falcons beat the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC Championship Game. So it happens. The problem lies when men cry about:
Women
I have cried about a woman before. Not recently because I have become totally jaded and quite simply expect a woman to treat me like shit so I’m always pleasantly surprised when she DOESN’T cheat on me. Jebus, I am really a sad specimen. Anyway, what did crying about a woman get me? Nothing. The problem is that men cry about women all the time. I don’t mean vent, that is different. I can take when a female friend VENTS about men. However when she CRIES about a man, or when a man cries about a woman it triggers a reflex in me. That reflex is to SLAP THE HOLY SHIT OUT OF THEM. Men cry about women more than they will admit and more than women think. It gets annoying, especially when you have done it first hand and see others do it.
Men Don’t Cry Myth: FALSE (Men do cry, just about the wrong things)
Myth #4: Men Are Smarter Than Women. Man, this one is a GOOD one. I will say this right up front and will argue this until the day I die. Both men and women are equally stupid and equally intelligent. You know why? Because if you place a girl with boys her whole life she will think like a boy because that is her environment. Same thing with a man, place him with a group of women and he will take on the same styles and trails. People can do scientific studies (or women can just fucking CLAIM which is amusing) saying that one sex is smarter all day long. For the most part, studies have shown if you take the gender bias and surroundings out of learning, men and women are equal in terms of intelligence (the last 3 studies according to CNN show that men have a 4 point lead but when you factor in margin of error its almost 50/50). So where does the ‘men being smarter’ idea come from? It is because women don’t agree with logic and at the end of the day since men created the intelligence structure (and it IS based on logic) that by default makes men smarter. I have said this many times. Women will follow a logical path to an answer and then not accept that answer because it is not what the ‘feel’ is right. I know this because I have helped women come to a logical answer for a problem and then they did what they wanted to do and it ended up being wrong. Then they say ‘I knew that wouldn’t work’ and their in lies the problem. With how intelligence is based, which is logical subjects (math, sciences, English,) rather than philosophical (ethics, psychology, etc.) it puts a skew on that number because women are plenty smart. It is all about how the metrics are set up.
Men Are Smarter Than Women Myth: TRUE (Via default. He who makes the laws is always right. Sucks, but true)
Well, I hope that helped dispel (or prove) some of the myths about men. Or not. Anyway, I will be back Friday for the new Top 20 Countdown! Maybe even before that, stay tuned! Stay up, peeps.
AND DONT FORGET TO VOTE!! Because odds are I am not. Voting is for losers. Just kidding, use your voice and stuff.
Live, Laugh and Love.
