Thursday, January 31, 2008
The Mega-Powers Unite (Hopefully)!
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Customer Service May Suck, Put Customers Swallow.
Customer service is dead. I am serious. The other night Zach and I went to Blondie’s to partake in scotch and martinis (Scotch, scotch, scotch. Scotchy in my belly) and the bartender was rather cool. That is becoming a rarity now days. My experience (from what I can remember after the fact) is that serving the customer has been done away with because quite simply people expect:
1. To be treated like shit or ignored
2. To be hassled to no fucking end
3. Routed to “Randy” who obviously is NOT NAMED RANDY AND NOT TAKING MY CALL FROM FUCKING ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA!
It is a sad statement, but in America we have come to expect shitty customer service. No matter where it is. At a restaurant, if the waiter/waitress can get my order right of no tomatoes I am happy enough to ignore the fact that they fucked up everything else because I barely expect then to be able to read. That sucks because everyone I know has worked in a restaurant, fast food or in the big box retail industry performing customer service (including yours truly) and I know how difficult and fucking annoying it is. However, I don’t blame the employees. I don’t blame the outsourced labor. I blame us as Americans.
Reason #1: The Customer Can Go To Fucking Hell.
Let’s think about this logically. How often have you gone to Best Buy, picked the brain of the person there for about two hours about a TV while they stand there respectfully (Sometimes) answer your repeated dumbass questions at length as you kick tires. Then, after all that annoying time of being a window shopping prick you say “Oh, I was just looking” and go home and buy the product online? That is douchebaggery at its finest.
Little known fact is that most employees at big box retailers are not on commission. They literally answer your dumb ass questions for $9.50 an hour while the company makes its millions if not BILLIONS while not giving their employees so much as a bonus or a reach-around. The people working at the majority of the places that we expect good customer service either work for a shitty hourly or a VERY SHITTY HOURLY with the hope of tips from a city of call-center workers and the military. Both make about the same and their brain capacity is about the same: dumb as shit and no tipping fuckers. Yet, bars make hand over fist and we see how most retailers are losing money because people can go online and not have to walk into a Circuit City and bask in the aura of failure, broken dreams and unfulfilled ambition. It is a massive cost savings and revenue generator for companies to pay employees as little as possible while maximizing their working potential. They tried that once and it worked like gangbusters. It was called slavery. But those days are over. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t want to pander to thankless fuckers that want to waste my time when I’m not getting paid and these people don’t care about me. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes when you skip on a tip or pester someone at CompUSA for a simple ass question just to go to their website. Although…they went out of business (for among other reasons) having shitty customer service. They also (reportedly) paid the least of any big box retailer and yet had one of the highest internet traffic for in-stock items. Coincidence?
Reason #2: Corporate American Sucks Sweaty Gojira Balls.
I touched on this earlier but the fact is that it is a cost savings for large conglomerates to either cut back on customer service or even outsource (Or my favorite “nearshore.” What kind of bullshit is that?!) is “supposedly” too big to pass up. Paying someone from a developing nation $5-$7 to do the job that an American would demand $13-$15 an hour for is a smart business move. Even still…THEYTOOKOURJERBS!!!:
I remember I yelled that when I had to train my replacement. Anyway, add in the cost of leasing a building and keeping it up and running (networks, IT, facilities, feeding the people, security, etc) and it LOGICALLY is a good idea to outsource because they can pass the savings onto the consumer. But think about it….has the price of shit gone down?! NO! They pocket that money and use it to buy coke to snort off the nipples of underage Taiwanese prostitutes! I mean, that isn’t a BAD IDEA but don’t sacrifice the customer service to do so! Think about it like this: how many of you have decided to not call tech support or get an extended warranty just so you could speak to someone you could understand over the phone? Be honest now.
Now I can say that I have worked with, trained and had customer service from outsourced people. They are not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. However, let’s be honest. The accent is thick and it is hard to understand and for you to be understood. Now as one who called Gateway and got someone from Alabama I can say I am no longer bothered by the accent because Alabama sucks ass. That being said, it is still a sign of poor service to discount the customer experience to save a buck The problem is that no matter how shitty people are treated here, they still come back for more. Mainly because there is nowhere left to go. Everyone outsources labor and the customers hate it. They could boycott and by from someplace else but everyone else is doing it too! So you have to grin and bear it for the most part.
Everything being said, the reason we are stuck in a world where the customer is a dick and therefore treated like shit is not going to change. People are still going to take advantage of lower wage employees to get lower prices while companies are going to cut costs whatever way they can to accommodate those prices. Therefore; you want cheap you will get cheap. And it kind of sucks but that is life, man:
That’s all. I had to get that out. One last thing:
You tell ME the difference.
Diddy Out. I spit that hot fire!
1. To be treated like shit or ignored
2. To be hassled to no fucking end
3. Routed to “Randy” who obviously is NOT NAMED RANDY AND NOT TAKING MY CALL FROM FUCKING ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA!
It is a sad statement, but in America we have come to expect shitty customer service. No matter where it is. At a restaurant, if the waiter/waitress can get my order right of no tomatoes I am happy enough to ignore the fact that they fucked up everything else because I barely expect then to be able to read. That sucks because everyone I know has worked in a restaurant, fast food or in the big box retail industry performing customer service (including yours truly) and I know how difficult and fucking annoying it is. However, I don’t blame the employees. I don’t blame the outsourced labor. I blame us as Americans.
Reason #1: The Customer Can Go To Fucking Hell.
Let’s think about this logically. How often have you gone to Best Buy, picked the brain of the person there for about two hours about a TV while they stand there respectfully (Sometimes) answer your repeated dumbass questions at length as you kick tires. Then, after all that annoying time of being a window shopping prick you say “Oh, I was just looking” and go home and buy the product online? That is douchebaggery at its finest.
Little known fact is that most employees at big box retailers are not on commission. They literally answer your dumb ass questions for $9.50 an hour while the company makes its millions if not BILLIONS while not giving their employees so much as a bonus or a reach-around. The people working at the majority of the places that we expect good customer service either work for a shitty hourly or a VERY SHITTY HOURLY with the hope of tips from a city of call-center workers and the military. Both make about the same and their brain capacity is about the same: dumb as shit and no tipping fuckers. Yet, bars make hand over fist and we see how most retailers are losing money because people can go online and not have to walk into a Circuit City and bask in the aura of failure, broken dreams and unfulfilled ambition. It is a massive cost savings and revenue generator for companies to pay employees as little as possible while maximizing their working potential. They tried that once and it worked like gangbusters. It was called slavery. But those days are over. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t want to pander to thankless fuckers that want to waste my time when I’m not getting paid and these people don’t care about me. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes when you skip on a tip or pester someone at CompUSA for a simple ass question just to go to their website. Although…they went out of business (for among other reasons) having shitty customer service. They also (reportedly) paid the least of any big box retailer and yet had one of the highest internet traffic for in-stock items. Coincidence?
Reason #2: Corporate American Sucks Sweaty Gojira Balls.
I touched on this earlier but the fact is that it is a cost savings for large conglomerates to either cut back on customer service or even outsource (Or my favorite “nearshore.” What kind of bullshit is that?!) is “supposedly” too big to pass up. Paying someone from a developing nation $5-$7 to do the job that an American would demand $13-$15 an hour for is a smart business move. Even still…THEYTOOKOURJERBS!!!:
I remember I yelled that when I had to train my replacement. Anyway, add in the cost of leasing a building and keeping it up and running (networks, IT, facilities, feeding the people, security, etc) and it LOGICALLY is a good idea to outsource because they can pass the savings onto the consumer. But think about it….has the price of shit gone down?! NO! They pocket that money and use it to buy coke to snort off the nipples of underage Taiwanese prostitutes! I mean, that isn’t a BAD IDEA but don’t sacrifice the customer service to do so! Think about it like this: how many of you have decided to not call tech support or get an extended warranty just so you could speak to someone you could understand over the phone? Be honest now.
Now I can say that I have worked with, trained and had customer service from outsourced people. They are not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. However, let’s be honest. The accent is thick and it is hard to understand and for you to be understood. Now as one who called Gateway and got someone from Alabama I can say I am no longer bothered by the accent because Alabama sucks ass. That being said, it is still a sign of poor service to discount the customer experience to save a buck The problem is that no matter how shitty people are treated here, they still come back for more. Mainly because there is nowhere left to go. Everyone outsources labor and the customers hate it. They could boycott and by from someplace else but everyone else is doing it too! So you have to grin and bear it for the most part.
Everything being said, the reason we are stuck in a world where the customer is a dick and therefore treated like shit is not going to change. People are still going to take advantage of lower wage employees to get lower prices while companies are going to cut costs whatever way they can to accommodate those prices. Therefore; you want cheap you will get cheap. And it kind of sucks but that is life, man:
That’s all. I had to get that out. One last thing:
You tell ME the difference.
Diddy Out. I spit that hot fire!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Crank Dat Obama Boy! Now I Mean YOOOOOOU!!!
So call me a queer (I already did, but you can join in) but I want to see "Definitely...Maybe." Man, something is majorly wrong with me:
I'm sorry, sometimes a chick flick can get to me. On the same note....women are stupid:
Let me get this straight. You are upset that a man that is only known for being the older brother of a lady banging, womanizing cheater that himself is long rumored for KILLING A WOMAN is supporting a Black candidate on a roll that is actually running on issues and not on the fact that her husband was President? What in the fuck is wrong with you?! It's TED FUCKING KENNEDY! Who gives a flying fuck if he supports Obama or not? I would prefer the Irish NOT support him (And especially Catholics because....well, they fucking suck) but hey, you cant win them all.
You know what? The highest turnout for female voters in the history of recorded American presidental elections were for John F. Kennedy and William Jefferson Clinton. When women were polled for their reason for picking the candidates, the majority of women said it was because they were attractive. I must say....Barack Obama would sexy up the White House. Not only that, he would get the White House CRUNK:
Work it out, work it out, work it out now! Vote ya'll! Get yo sexy ass in the voting booth!
I am so looking forward to the 2008 Presidential Smackdown:
Barack "Save The Drama Fo' Yo' Mama" Obama
vs.
John "I Brings The Pain To Yo Membrane" McCain
Watch for it because it's gonna be a slobberknocker!
Diddy Out. VOTE OR DIE!
I'm sorry, sometimes a chick flick can get to me. On the same note....women are stupid:
Let me get this straight. You are upset that a man that is only known for being the older brother of a lady banging, womanizing cheater that himself is long rumored for KILLING A WOMAN is supporting a Black candidate on a roll that is actually running on issues and not on the fact that her husband was President? What in the fuck is wrong with you?! It's TED FUCKING KENNEDY! Who gives a flying fuck if he supports Obama or not? I would prefer the Irish NOT support him (And especially Catholics because....well, they fucking suck) but hey, you cant win them all.
You know what? The highest turnout for female voters in the history of recorded American presidental elections were for John F. Kennedy and William Jefferson Clinton. When women were polled for their reason for picking the candidates, the majority of women said it was because they were attractive. I must say....Barack Obama would sexy up the White House. Not only that, he would get the White House CRUNK:
Work it out, work it out, work it out now! Vote ya'll! Get yo sexy ass in the voting booth!
I am so looking forward to the 2008 Presidential Smackdown:
Barack "Save The Drama Fo' Yo' Mama" Obama
vs.
John "I Brings The Pain To Yo Membrane" McCain
Watch for it because it's gonna be a slobberknocker!
Diddy Out. VOTE OR DIE!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
I Am All About A Woman's Rights. It's When You Catch Her With An Uppercut! Ka-pay-yow!
So, women should be shot in the face. I just saw this as I was checking my Yahoo email. Wow....women are the reason that women are treated like crap. Because they expect it. Especially this one:
"We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
Patricia: Not unless it gets out of hand. If there's just an argument, respect people's privacy.
Laura: If I were fighting with my boyfriend, I'd be already pissed off. There's chivalry and then there's delusions of being a knight in shining armor. Get lost.
We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm.
Katherine: If you know you don't stand a chance if you try to pull the guy off, then call the police. And let them know you're watching. Sometimes just the social pressure of knowing that somebody's looking at you or knowing that somebody's calling the police can help."
Yeah....from now on next time I see a woman getting yelled at and eventually hit (because yelling is the gateway domestic violence), I am joining the fuck in. This is fucking ridiculous. Remember when I said that chivalry wasn’t dead? Guess what? Chivalry isn’t ABOUT YOU, BITCHES! It is about doing what is the right thing. If someone holding a door open for you is creepy, then you NEED to be slapped because I am too much of a normal person to beat your ass on GP. Maybe if I did, I wouldn’t care about your fucking welfare and wouldn’t be so concerned by women’s answers in this shitty ass survey.
What I find REALLY disturbing is the one about the argument in public. If you ever have this question asked of you and you can recall an event or even have an opinion that is along the lines of “it’s our business” then get those “I ran into a door” lies ready because you will get your ass kicked on the fucking daily. I have stepped into an argument before and you know what? It wasn’t for HER! It was for him because he caught HER with another man at the mall and he went off. I told him to cool it out because no matter what, because our laws protect the stupid, and he would be at the fault. Now women would say I was wrong to do that and before I would say I was. Not anymore.
When I had my women’s studies classes in college and was in AWARE Senior year, domestic violence always struck a nerve with me because two women I was involved with in a time when I actually gave a fuck about trying to converse with the opposite sex we previously involved with crazy men. I mean burn their clothes and slash their tires crazy. Hell, I even got in two fights over women with crazy woman-beaters that I DIDN’T EVEN WANNA FIGHT! Ask Griff about that shit, he will tell you about his life for a copy of Mario Kart via emulator. Zach, even you have a story about it. I marched against domestic violence twice and yet all women I know have some skewed sense of masculinity that mistakes chivalry with anger toward other men. Me stepping in front of a woman to stop a man, again, IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about him and his asshatery of making men look bad by kicking your stupid ass. They you say shit like “knight in shining armor syndrome” when we couldn’t give a rats ass about you in that aspect. Shit like this from women just make me realize that you still live by the credo I created a few years ago and since it aint going to end I will just repeated.
Women are completely two faced and want it both ways for everything. Not even the good way like Jasmine Byrne does it. For women that claim to be about “lady power” and being “independent women” you seem to have that mistaken with being a fucktard. I wonder how many of you consider yourself feminists? I will tell you how many.
NONE!
Shockingly, now I have respect for feminists after all these years. They stand by their convictions and it is hard to find a man for it. Most women straddle the edge like a whore with ADD fucking Snoopy and not able to decide which side of the roof to dismount. They want to be taken care of, but don’t want to be told in any way shape or form what to do (which is fine). They want to be respected for their opinions and logic but never want to be questioned of GOD FORBID proven wrong. Quite simply, its like I always say:
"All the power with none of the responsibility."
Congratulations. You officially fucked over what woman’s suffrage was all about. I hope you are happy with your skewed view of life. Much like mine but at least I admit I’m a fucking headcase. You know, I get emails all day during work about how men are stupid and cause all the wars and only think with their wangs and blah blah blah yakkity smackity. Yet, for every 5 of those you see none that men make for women. You know why? Because we RUN SHIT. Every day women exist is another day that the Japanese figure out ways to replace you. Once they make sexbots, there will be no need for women. Now, for the greatest rhetor of our time…Ali G:
Aahhh, twas all in good fun. You know I love you, ladies.
Try feminism! It’s hot, sexy, lady LSG’ing lady love! Wait….it’s NOT?!
Diddy Out. B.I.G. FOREVER!
"We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
Patricia: Not unless it gets out of hand. If there's just an argument, respect people's privacy.
Laura: If I were fighting with my boyfriend, I'd be already pissed off. There's chivalry and then there's delusions of being a knight in shining armor. Get lost.
We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm.
Katherine: If you know you don't stand a chance if you try to pull the guy off, then call the police. And let them know you're watching. Sometimes just the social pressure of knowing that somebody's looking at you or knowing that somebody's calling the police can help."
Yeah....from now on next time I see a woman getting yelled at and eventually hit (because yelling is the gateway domestic violence), I am joining the fuck in. This is fucking ridiculous. Remember when I said that chivalry wasn’t dead? Guess what? Chivalry isn’t ABOUT YOU, BITCHES! It is about doing what is the right thing. If someone holding a door open for you is creepy, then you NEED to be slapped because I am too much of a normal person to beat your ass on GP. Maybe if I did, I wouldn’t care about your fucking welfare and wouldn’t be so concerned by women’s answers in this shitty ass survey.
What I find REALLY disturbing is the one about the argument in public. If you ever have this question asked of you and you can recall an event or even have an opinion that is along the lines of “it’s our business” then get those “I ran into a door” lies ready because you will get your ass kicked on the fucking daily. I have stepped into an argument before and you know what? It wasn’t for HER! It was for him because he caught HER with another man at the mall and he went off. I told him to cool it out because no matter what, because our laws protect the stupid, and he would be at the fault. Now women would say I was wrong to do that and before I would say I was. Not anymore.
When I had my women’s studies classes in college and was in AWARE Senior year, domestic violence always struck a nerve with me because two women I was involved with in a time when I actually gave a fuck about trying to converse with the opposite sex we previously involved with crazy men. I mean burn their clothes and slash their tires crazy. Hell, I even got in two fights over women with crazy woman-beaters that I DIDN’T EVEN WANNA FIGHT! Ask Griff about that shit, he will tell you about his life for a copy of Mario Kart via emulator. Zach, even you have a story about it. I marched against domestic violence twice and yet all women I know have some skewed sense of masculinity that mistakes chivalry with anger toward other men. Me stepping in front of a woman to stop a man, again, IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about him and his asshatery of making men look bad by kicking your stupid ass. They you say shit like “knight in shining armor syndrome” when we couldn’t give a rats ass about you in that aspect. Shit like this from women just make me realize that you still live by the credo I created a few years ago and since it aint going to end I will just repeated.
Women are completely two faced and want it both ways for everything. Not even the good way like Jasmine Byrne does it. For women that claim to be about “lady power” and being “independent women” you seem to have that mistaken with being a fucktard. I wonder how many of you consider yourself feminists? I will tell you how many.
NONE!
Shockingly, now I have respect for feminists after all these years. They stand by their convictions and it is hard to find a man for it. Most women straddle the edge like a whore with ADD fucking Snoopy and not able to decide which side of the roof to dismount. They want to be taken care of, but don’t want to be told in any way shape or form what to do (which is fine). They want to be respected for their opinions and logic but never want to be questioned of GOD FORBID proven wrong. Quite simply, its like I always say:
"All the power with none of the responsibility."
Congratulations. You officially fucked over what woman’s suffrage was all about. I hope you are happy with your skewed view of life. Much like mine but at least I admit I’m a fucking headcase. You know, I get emails all day during work about how men are stupid and cause all the wars and only think with their wangs and blah blah blah yakkity smackity. Yet, for every 5 of those you see none that men make for women. You know why? Because we RUN SHIT. Every day women exist is another day that the Japanese figure out ways to replace you. Once they make sexbots, there will be no need for women. Now, for the greatest rhetor of our time…Ali G:
Aahhh, twas all in good fun. You know I love you, ladies.
Try feminism! It’s hot, sexy, lady LSG’ing lady love! Wait….it’s NOT?!
Diddy Out. B.I.G. FOREVER!
A Hip Hop You Dont Stop!
What is up, bitches?! It is another lazy Sunday and I am doing a little bit of laundry and cleaning before I go out and run a few errands. I may run to Denver for some new cologne (Acqua Di Gio just feels a little too bro for me now that they sell it at Macy’s. I don’t want to give off the scent) but I may wait until next weekend for that.
With that being said, last night I went to Black Pegusus’s (Black Pegusi? Black Pegusese?) record release party to watch Teq perform and needless to say, it was okay. It was nice to see a good Cutting Crew sample (80’s ROCK BITCHES!) and a shout out to Animaniacs (Which no one GOT which made me want to kill some people) from his set. However, whoever went on after him and before Black P really personified suck in the flesh form. It was like Soulja Boy formed and as each clone came out they became gradually stupider until they became White and Puerto Rican. Shit went downhill from there.
So much like children and their own meals & channels, this whole phenomenon with making songs “for the ladies” and then proceed into “Bitch Show Yo Panties And Drop It” has become really fucking stating to make me want to kill their parents. What is even worse is that women do that shit which is why I will never EVER vote for a female president. Two Long Islands at a White House dinner and she is getting tag teamed by Kofi Annan and Muhmammayomammajhad….Belladonna style. At least with Obama, he may go straight thug and knock the fuck out of Hugo Chavez for stepping on his “Bathing Apes”.
From now on, with every dumb action people should lose their rights. For every mullet, white men should lose the right to bear arms. Every time a woman shakes her booty meat (Sorry, Zach but that shit is too funny to no use) she should lose her right to vote for an election. For every day a Black man wears grillz, one day in the field picking that cotton. Oh, and Mexicans….no more leaning like a cholo. It’s stupid and it’s stupid.
For every Mexican that does that, one of you that are legal gets sent back to Mexico. Harsh punishments but it’s the only way the stupid learn.
So back to the show. I have decided to help out hip hop and hip hop fans this week with a few rules to having fun and making good music. After last night….I realized that sometimes hip hop can be awesome while other times it makes me want to piss on their dogs. So now, to make hip hop better and help you have an enjoyable time at your next hip hop show, here are…
Diddy’s Rules For Good Hip Hoppity Fun!
Rule #1: Quit Telling The Crowd What To Do.
Listen, if I want to put my motherfucking hands up, I WILL PUT MY MOTHERFUCKING HANDS UP! I will do it when I am goddamned ready, fuckface! Also, maybe I don’t want to make noise? Maybe I want to hear the goddamn song! Let me enjoy the concert fucking, asshat! I don’t need your demands every two seconds!
Rule #2: Women, Stop Dressing Like Whores.
Seriously.
If you don’t want dudes harassing you, dress like you got some damn sense. It’s that fucking simple. Also, there is no fucking need to shake your ass in my face when I am sitting down. You think it’s sexy, I think it’s fucking rude. Speaking of dancing…
Rule #3: If You Can’t Dance….Don’t.
Trust me, it saves a lot of problems. Grinding on a man’s junk isn’t dancing just as much as the Soulja Boy isn’t dancing. It keeps you from having to get groped on and it keeps niggas from shooting you because you smudged their Pumas:
Man….that kind of says it all. If they had cornbread at hip hop shows, violence would drop by about 75%. Cornbread is good ass eatin.
Rule #4: Never Say Fuck The Police.
Come on….I mean really. Do you WANT to get your ass kicked on GP? As long as you are white and loved the Police Academy movies the police are here to protect and serve. If you aren’t…FOLLOW THE FUCKING LAW! The fact is that if a police officer wanted to whoop your ass, he or she would just do so no matter what. So don’t give them a reason to! That way if they DO beat your ass for doing nothing you can collect a fat ass check.
Rule #5: Nigga Is Okay….In Context.
Okay, first off I am cutting down on my usage of the word nigga. I only say it when reciting rap lyrics or talking to Griff, but that is because we boys and we Black so we can do that. White people need to let it the fuck go. I mean seriously, you shouldn’t want to say the fucking word anyway. I mean at what point do you need to say it anyway? It’s not like white people are always in situations where you need to use the word any-damn-way. How could you use it?
• “Damn, it’s hotter than a nigga outside!”
• “Man, that touchdown was nigga-tastic!”
• “You tried the gourmet cheese? It’s nigga-licious!”
• “ I just got back from the doctor, man. I got nigga-simplex-titis Black.”
• “Nigga, you gay.”
Now unless you are actually IN situations like that (which you never will be) you shouldn’t need to use the word anyway. Just because Blacks use it doesn’t mean you can, should or want to. So shut the fuck up, life is nigga-riffic! That being said, Black people….nigga is not the new “Smurf.” That is all. Stop using it unless you are singing “Don’t Trust Them New Niggas Over There.”
Those are just few rules to live by to make your next hip hop show experience a great one! Oh, and one last things. It is time for my annual tradition of bringing words back! So real quick, I give to you:
Diddy’s Vernacalistics of 2008!
Alrighty, here we go!
Instead of Shawty, Bitch, Ho, etc: Roni
SHE’S MY ONLY LOOOOOOVE! Ah, Bobby Brown. Nothing says love like a Bobby Brown song…and some crack. Seriously, this was a word that never got a run in the 80’s because it was an era dominated by light skins and you know how I feel about them cats. Now, I’m bringing it back. So fellas, you know a lady that makes you feel special inside and you want to tell her how you feel, you don’t call her shawty or ladyparts. You call that girl a roni. The sexy, sexy treat.
Instead of Cut, Fuck, Bang, etc: L.S.G.
I can name two woman (and sadly only two because most of the other women I know are either taken upset me to the point of shaking them like a crying baby) I want to go L.S.G. on. But WHOM! That is the mystery! It’s not Kimmy, she made her intentions very clear after my third abortion. Abortsia? Abortions? Aborteri? Either way, I find saying L.S.G. a lot better than saying fuck. Then when people say “What’s L.S.G.?” you can say “Because I want to be all over that body like Gerald LeVert on a pork chop.” Okay, that is fucked up because he is dead but still. That is almost as good as “I got a hedgehog in my pocket” when I met Ron Jeremy. I so should have told him that!
More coming soon! Also, I need to get running on Douchebrawl! I am a week late already, so I will have it up next Sunday. I promise! Until then, stay up peeps!
Diddy Out. (Thought I told you that I wouldn’t stop!)
With that being said, last night I went to Black Pegusus’s (Black Pegusi? Black Pegusese?) record release party to watch Teq perform and needless to say, it was okay. It was nice to see a good Cutting Crew sample (80’s ROCK BITCHES!) and a shout out to Animaniacs (Which no one GOT which made me want to kill some people) from his set. However, whoever went on after him and before Black P really personified suck in the flesh form. It was like Soulja Boy formed and as each clone came out they became gradually stupider until they became White and Puerto Rican. Shit went downhill from there.
So much like children and their own meals & channels, this whole phenomenon with making songs “for the ladies” and then proceed into “Bitch Show Yo Panties And Drop It” has become really fucking stating to make me want to kill their parents. What is even worse is that women do that shit which is why I will never EVER vote for a female president. Two Long Islands at a White House dinner and she is getting tag teamed by Kofi Annan and Muhmammayomammajhad….Belladonna style. At least with Obama, he may go straight thug and knock the fuck out of Hugo Chavez for stepping on his “Bathing Apes”.
From now on, with every dumb action people should lose their rights. For every mullet, white men should lose the right to bear arms. Every time a woman shakes her booty meat (Sorry, Zach but that shit is too funny to no use) she should lose her right to vote for an election. For every day a Black man wears grillz, one day in the field picking that cotton. Oh, and Mexicans….no more leaning like a cholo. It’s stupid and it’s stupid.
For every Mexican that does that, one of you that are legal gets sent back to Mexico. Harsh punishments but it’s the only way the stupid learn.
So back to the show. I have decided to help out hip hop and hip hop fans this week with a few rules to having fun and making good music. After last night….I realized that sometimes hip hop can be awesome while other times it makes me want to piss on their dogs. So now, to make hip hop better and help you have an enjoyable time at your next hip hop show, here are…
Diddy’s Rules For Good Hip Hoppity Fun!
Rule #1: Quit Telling The Crowd What To Do.
Listen, if I want to put my motherfucking hands up, I WILL PUT MY MOTHERFUCKING HANDS UP! I will do it when I am goddamned ready, fuckface! Also, maybe I don’t want to make noise? Maybe I want to hear the goddamn song! Let me enjoy the concert fucking, asshat! I don’t need your demands every two seconds!
Rule #2: Women, Stop Dressing Like Whores.
Seriously.
If you don’t want dudes harassing you, dress like you got some damn sense. It’s that fucking simple. Also, there is no fucking need to shake your ass in my face when I am sitting down. You think it’s sexy, I think it’s fucking rude. Speaking of dancing…
Rule #3: If You Can’t Dance….Don’t.
Trust me, it saves a lot of problems. Grinding on a man’s junk isn’t dancing just as much as the Soulja Boy isn’t dancing. It keeps you from having to get groped on and it keeps niggas from shooting you because you smudged their Pumas:
Man….that kind of says it all. If they had cornbread at hip hop shows, violence would drop by about 75%. Cornbread is good ass eatin.
Rule #4: Never Say Fuck The Police.
Come on….I mean really. Do you WANT to get your ass kicked on GP? As long as you are white and loved the Police Academy movies the police are here to protect and serve. If you aren’t…FOLLOW THE FUCKING LAW! The fact is that if a police officer wanted to whoop your ass, he or she would just do so no matter what. So don’t give them a reason to! That way if they DO beat your ass for doing nothing you can collect a fat ass check.
Rule #5: Nigga Is Okay….In Context.
Okay, first off I am cutting down on my usage of the word nigga. I only say it when reciting rap lyrics or talking to Griff, but that is because we boys and we Black so we can do that. White people need to let it the fuck go. I mean seriously, you shouldn’t want to say the fucking word anyway. I mean at what point do you need to say it anyway? It’s not like white people are always in situations where you need to use the word any-damn-way. How could you use it?
• “Damn, it’s hotter than a nigga outside!”
• “Man, that touchdown was nigga-tastic!”
• “You tried the gourmet cheese? It’s nigga-licious!”
• “ I just got back from the doctor, man. I got nigga-simplex-titis Black.”
• “Nigga, you gay.”
Now unless you are actually IN situations like that (which you never will be) you shouldn’t need to use the word anyway. Just because Blacks use it doesn’t mean you can, should or want to. So shut the fuck up, life is nigga-riffic! That being said, Black people….nigga is not the new “Smurf.” That is all. Stop using it unless you are singing “Don’t Trust Them New Niggas Over There.”
Those are just few rules to live by to make your next hip hop show experience a great one! Oh, and one last things. It is time for my annual tradition of bringing words back! So real quick, I give to you:
Diddy’s Vernacalistics of 2008!
Alrighty, here we go!
Instead of Shawty, Bitch, Ho, etc: Roni
SHE’S MY ONLY LOOOOOOVE! Ah, Bobby Brown. Nothing says love like a Bobby Brown song…and some crack. Seriously, this was a word that never got a run in the 80’s because it was an era dominated by light skins and you know how I feel about them cats. Now, I’m bringing it back. So fellas, you know a lady that makes you feel special inside and you want to tell her how you feel, you don’t call her shawty or ladyparts. You call that girl a roni. The sexy, sexy treat.
Instead of Cut, Fuck, Bang, etc: L.S.G.
I can name two woman (and sadly only two because most of the other women I know are either taken upset me to the point of shaking them like a crying baby) I want to go L.S.G. on. But WHOM! That is the mystery! It’s not Kimmy, she made her intentions very clear after my third abortion. Abortsia? Abortions? Aborteri? Either way, I find saying L.S.G. a lot better than saying fuck. Then when people say “What’s L.S.G.?” you can say “Because I want to be all over that body like Gerald LeVert on a pork chop.” Okay, that is fucked up because he is dead but still. That is almost as good as “I got a hedgehog in my pocket” when I met Ron Jeremy. I so should have told him that!
More coming soon! Also, I need to get running on Douchebrawl! I am a week late already, so I will have it up next Sunday. I promise! Until then, stay up peeps!
Diddy Out. (Thought I told you that I wouldn’t stop!)
Friday, January 25, 2008
She's Baaaaack!
Alright people, it is about that time! It’s time for the….
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Yeah, I am keeping the name the same for now. It’s a staple. We begin with a new video from a former number one group!
20. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (New Entry)
YES! MY GOD YES! Hiroko….I think I love you. Seriously, we should go out for coffee sometime. She looks SO DAMN FINE in this video that I can’t say anything else. Mihimaru is fricking back!
19. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #17)
Well, the ride is over. After a run in the Top 10, One Republic looks to be spending their final week on the Countdown. Quite a run, but just fell short of greatness.
18. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #16)
Well, looks like we may not have to wait too long for some more TI. As I stated last week, he is currently working on an album and it looks to be out this spring, at the latest summer. Shocking for a guy going to the pen.
17. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #19)
Well, I’ll be damns. Bow Wow and Omarion actually are moving up this week. Shocking, mainly because this video doesn’t irritate the hell out of me. Even more shocking is that Omarion STILL HAS NOT MADE A VIDEO FOR MAN UP WITH BI!! I’m still bitter.
16. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #14)
Another band taking a huge tumble this week. Paramore continues to move down with no new video in sight. Man, I needs me some more Hayley!
15. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #18)
So um….May J is in this video. In a kimono. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?!
14. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #11)
So I just saw the new AKFG video and I must say….these dudes are really funny looking. Great music but man, they are NOT N*SYNC. Few are, but man they REALLY ARENT N*SYNC.
13. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #15)
So The World moves up another two spots this week as they keep pace with John Legend and Nelly Furtado. It is good to see them back because there was a long stretch where they just weren’t kicking out the jams like they did in 2006. Maybe their fourth album will kick even more ass.
12. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #12)
NLT stands pat this week just outside the Top 10. Their album comes out next month, I hope it’s more Backstreet than Color Me Badd. You know what I mean.
11. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #13)
Nelly Furtado is one step away from her fifth Top 10 Video! Despite the fact she only has one number one video on the Countdown, she has built up quite a track record if you ask me. Oh, and I still need the “Loose Live” DVD. Late birthday present?
10. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #7, Six Weeks at #1)
We are in the Top 10 and it was over two long months ago that NaNa entered the Top 10 for the first time. She stayed there until right now including a six week run at the top spot. I am SO WAITING for an album from NaNa.
9. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #10)
Mmmmm….gimme some of that owelu. She moves up a spot this week as she continues so sexy up my Countdown. Is she coming out with an album soon?
8. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #5)
ABS falls three spots this week after peaking at number 5 for two weeks. Rumor is that TM is going back into the studio for (WAIT FOR IT) another TM Revolution album. HELL YES!! THAT’S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!
7. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #9)
John Legend is back and this video is the first I have seen of his in heavy rotation since “Ordinary People”. The video is very good and actually supports a cause. As you know…I am not about causes. But for John, I will break that rule.
6. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After finally taking the top spot, May J. falls three more spots and out of the Top 5. All I can say is….damn, she is fine. We are down to five!
5. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #8)
HaMC finally climb into the Top 5! After a long career, they bring their newest video into the upper echelon. I am upset this wasn’t on the greatest hits album, but I will get over it. This video makes up for any bitterness I had.
4. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #6)
Well, hell has frozen over. Snoop Dogg has climbed into the Top Five. I wont lie…I like this video. The song is late night greatness and maybe I don’t want to see Snoop mauled by bears. Wait….”Soul Plane.” Fuck that, he’s gotta go!
3. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #4)
The Child, The Rebel and the Soldier have moved into the Top three after only six weeks! As many of you know, I am all about this song and if you don’t know, now you do. Not only that, the video is actually pretty damn good to boot. Can they end the ladies night that has dominated the Countdown recently?
2. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
After only one week on top, Alicia Keys relinquishes the top spot! It is a little disappointing after the run that “No One” had but…that video was WAY HOTTER. I love Alicia in this video, but women crying set off my panic button. We are down to one!
1. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
And in a shocker, NaNa pulls her second number one video of this short 2008! I was just watching this video the other day (in between my learning of bokgo because that is BAD ASS) and needless to say, I loves me some NaNa. Congrats to NaNa for going two-for-two!
That is all for now! Tune in next week to see if NaNa can make it two weeks in a row! Or will Alicia Keys take the top again? Or will CRS share the throne? Tune in next week and find out!
I’ll be back this weekend at some point. Until then, stay up peeps.
Diddy Out. Take that, take that, take that.
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Yeah, I am keeping the name the same for now. It’s a staple. We begin with a new video from a former number one group!
20. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (New Entry)
YES! MY GOD YES! Hiroko….I think I love you. Seriously, we should go out for coffee sometime. She looks SO DAMN FINE in this video that I can’t say anything else. Mihimaru is fricking back!
19. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #17)
Well, the ride is over. After a run in the Top 10, One Republic looks to be spending their final week on the Countdown. Quite a run, but just fell short of greatness.
18. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #16)
Well, looks like we may not have to wait too long for some more TI. As I stated last week, he is currently working on an album and it looks to be out this spring, at the latest summer. Shocking for a guy going to the pen.
17. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #19)
Well, I’ll be damns. Bow Wow and Omarion actually are moving up this week. Shocking, mainly because this video doesn’t irritate the hell out of me. Even more shocking is that Omarion STILL HAS NOT MADE A VIDEO FOR MAN UP WITH BI!! I’m still bitter.
16. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #14)
Another band taking a huge tumble this week. Paramore continues to move down with no new video in sight. Man, I needs me some more Hayley!
15. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #18)
So um….May J is in this video. In a kimono. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?!
14. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #11)
So I just saw the new AKFG video and I must say….these dudes are really funny looking. Great music but man, they are NOT N*SYNC. Few are, but man they REALLY ARENT N*SYNC.
13. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #15)
So The World moves up another two spots this week as they keep pace with John Legend and Nelly Furtado. It is good to see them back because there was a long stretch where they just weren’t kicking out the jams like they did in 2006. Maybe their fourth album will kick even more ass.
12. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #12)
NLT stands pat this week just outside the Top 10. Their album comes out next month, I hope it’s more Backstreet than Color Me Badd. You know what I mean.
11. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #13)
Nelly Furtado is one step away from her fifth Top 10 Video! Despite the fact she only has one number one video on the Countdown, she has built up quite a track record if you ask me. Oh, and I still need the “Loose Live” DVD. Late birthday present?
10. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #7, Six Weeks at #1)
We are in the Top 10 and it was over two long months ago that NaNa entered the Top 10 for the first time. She stayed there until right now including a six week run at the top spot. I am SO WAITING for an album from NaNa.
9. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #10)
Mmmmm….gimme some of that owelu. She moves up a spot this week as she continues so sexy up my Countdown. Is she coming out with an album soon?
8. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #5)
ABS falls three spots this week after peaking at number 5 for two weeks. Rumor is that TM is going back into the studio for (WAIT FOR IT) another TM Revolution album. HELL YES!! THAT’S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!
7. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #9)
John Legend is back and this video is the first I have seen of his in heavy rotation since “Ordinary People”. The video is very good and actually supports a cause. As you know…I am not about causes. But for John, I will break that rule.
6. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After finally taking the top spot, May J. falls three more spots and out of the Top 5. All I can say is….damn, she is fine. We are down to five!
5. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #8)
HaMC finally climb into the Top 5! After a long career, they bring their newest video into the upper echelon. I am upset this wasn’t on the greatest hits album, but I will get over it. This video makes up for any bitterness I had.
4. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #6)
Well, hell has frozen over. Snoop Dogg has climbed into the Top Five. I wont lie…I like this video. The song is late night greatness and maybe I don’t want to see Snoop mauled by bears. Wait….”Soul Plane.” Fuck that, he’s gotta go!
3. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #4)
The Child, The Rebel and the Soldier have moved into the Top three after only six weeks! As many of you know, I am all about this song and if you don’t know, now you do. Not only that, the video is actually pretty damn good to boot. Can they end the ladies night that has dominated the Countdown recently?
2. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
After only one week on top, Alicia Keys relinquishes the top spot! It is a little disappointing after the run that “No One” had but…that video was WAY HOTTER. I love Alicia in this video, but women crying set off my panic button. We are down to one!
1. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
And in a shocker, NaNa pulls her second number one video of this short 2008! I was just watching this video the other day (in between my learning of bokgo because that is BAD ASS) and needless to say, I loves me some NaNa. Congrats to NaNa for going two-for-two!
That is all for now! Tune in next week to see if NaNa can make it two weeks in a row! Or will Alicia Keys take the top again? Or will CRS share the throne? Tune in next week and find out!
I’ll be back this weekend at some point. Until then, stay up peeps.
Diddy Out. Take that, take that, take that.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Kill Dat (Soulja Boy)
Okay….this is bullshit. You know, I put up with “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)” because it was novel and I really needed to get the horrible taste of the “Cha Cha Slide” out of my head. I was okay with “Put The Heizman (On Dat Hoe)” because…well that shit is funny. But now we have so many “crank dats” I don’t know whether to masturbate or get a fucking Model T:
What the fuck. WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK?! MOTHERFUCKER FUCKY FUCK SHIT!! THIS is why hip hop is dead and the corpse is being ass-fucked more than Belladonna during Hanukkah. Eight ass-reaming nights. These shitfucks are just ruining an artform that was one of the most original with their shitty dances and their trifiling ass lyrics. God….someone needs to severely injure these fuckers. So from this point on, anyone doing the:
Crank Dat (Insert Here):
• Soulja Boy
• Batman
• Aquaman
• Spongebob
• Homeless Man
• Spiderman
• Hebrew Man
• Green Lantern
• Vishnu
• Jesus (I just made that up but…that sounds like it would rule)
• Ruth Bader Ginsberg
• Santa Claus
Will be shot in the fucking face. Diddy decrees it. If you have a gun and you see them doing the “Crank Dat” with less than three people, you are allow to bust a cap in their dumb ass.
It shall come to fucking pass. I’m through fucking around over here. I never thought I would say this but....I miss the Tootsie Roll:
Yo, I should make a new dance step! It aint the butterfly its the Diddy Roll! I like the sound of that shit, son!
Diddy Out. Bad Boy!
What the fuck. WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK?! MOTHERFUCKER FUCKY FUCK SHIT!! THIS is why hip hop is dead and the corpse is being ass-fucked more than Belladonna during Hanukkah. Eight ass-reaming nights. These shitfucks are just ruining an artform that was one of the most original with their shitty dances and their trifiling ass lyrics. God….someone needs to severely injure these fuckers. So from this point on, anyone doing the:
Crank Dat (Insert Here):
• Soulja Boy
• Batman
• Aquaman
• Spongebob
• Homeless Man
• Spiderman
• Hebrew Man
• Green Lantern
• Vishnu
• Jesus (I just made that up but…that sounds like it would rule)
• Ruth Bader Ginsberg
• Santa Claus
Will be shot in the fucking face. Diddy decrees it. If you have a gun and you see them doing the “Crank Dat” with less than three people, you are allow to bust a cap in their dumb ass.
It shall come to fucking pass. I’m through fucking around over here. I never thought I would say this but....I miss the Tootsie Roll:
Yo, I should make a new dance step! It aint the butterfly its the Diddy Roll! I like the sound of that shit, son!
Diddy Out. Bad Boy!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
It's Diddy-rific!
What’s up my sniggys?! I am back to annnouce some big news. Probably the biggest news you will hear all year. Diddy has changed his name….yet again. He now wants to be known as Sean John. Why? No one is really sure, but Diddy is ballin so he can do whatever the fuck he wants. My bad, SEAN JOHN is ballin and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. He could call himself “eatin a fucking butthole”….ALL THE SAME! Should out to the Ol’ Dirty Bastard. One love, Big Baby Jesus.
But I digress. My announcement wasn’t that. My announcement is this. From this day forth, on January 23rd, 2008 I officially decree that my name will now and forever be….
DIDDY
Yes, I called it. One, two, three…DIBS! There, it is officially mine. Now that Sean John is Sean John, I will now (Or until Sean John becomes the symbol for the Euro because he is THAT BALLIN and I can become “Sean John”)be Diddy until further notice. From today, these are the only names I will accept to be referred as:
1. Diddy (Keep it Simple….and Sexy)
2. Dub Diddy
3. Diddy T.
4. D.D.Y. (If you are into the whole brevity thing)
5. Mr. Diddy T.
6. Duke of Diddyvania
7. T. Diddy
8. Big Deuce Diddy
9. Diddy Did It
10. Big Baby Diddy (Because Diddy was and always will be bigger than Jesus)
11. Yddid (Diddy backwards. Say it three times and I do the Harlem Shake!)
12. Didderellie
13. Deuce Diddy
14. His Diddyness
15. Diddy Do Right
16. Diddy Tell’em (TAKE THAT, SOULJA BOY!)
17. Diddyspeare
18. Double Stack Diddy
19. 3D or Trey D (Deuce Diddy Dollars. Yep, just thought of that)
And of course, Diddy Christ Superstar. C’mon! That’s fucking PIMP, DUDE! Either way, from now on Diddy is in the house. Nuff said. The Passion of Diddy will be back. Stay up, peeps.
Diddy Out.
Uh huh, yeah. Take that, take that, take that.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
A True Knight's Tale Ends (Okay...It's A Work In Progress...)
What is up, peeps? It’s a weird day for me as I found out at work that Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (Holy shit! I didn’t know that was his real name! Makes sense, though) had died today. News reports notwithstanding (I am hearing that the cause of death was an overdose of sleeping pills but that is unfounded) it is still rather sad. The guy was about a year older than me and he is already dead; that is still sobering to me seeing as how I am not yet 30 but I am damn near getting there.
What is even more humbling is that for a long time I really did not like Heath Ledger. Hell, last summer I wanted to form a lynch mob when I found out he was going to be the Joker in “The Dark Knight” because if his work in Brokeback Mountain. The former caused me to coin the term “The Brokeback Theory” which meant I didn’t have to see a movie to know it sucked ass. You know what? For the three days or so I worked at Comcast I DID see Brokeback Mountain and it DID suck ass. Literally and figuratively, albeit the literal ass-sucking is merely implied but you know it happened. They were gay and it’s what they do. Then there was A Knights Tale which….well that will be the last time I ever mention that movie on this blog ever because it sucked that bad. I mean, it was a musical but they all can’t be The Producers.
With all that being said, a lot of my ire directed at Heath Ledger was solely for humor purposes. I really liked “10 Things I Hate About You” and I vaguely remember him in “Monster’s Ball” (Sorry, but Halle’s titty balls kind of stole the show for me). I remember Zach and I seeing “The Brothers Grimm” (Remember that one?) opening night and saying “That wasn’t BAD, but it wasn’t GOOD” which isn’t a ringing endorsement but he DID carry MATT DAY-MAHN. “A Knight’s Tale” wasn’t COMPELETELY horrible and I was one of the first if not THE FIRST to apologize for all my heated words about him playing The Joker in the new Batman film.
The trailer totally rocked my box as I was blown away by just the few scenes he had in it.
As one who may be The Joker’s biggest fan, I was really skeptical about his ability to play the Alan Moore’s “The Killing Joke” style of Joker due to his psychotic and morbid style. If you never heard of it, FUCKING READ IT because it is bad ass and tragic at the same time. Shapes the Batman mythos, too. However, after seeing the trailer and the makeup combined with his (IMHO) dead on mannerisms I thought that maybe no one else COULD have played him. I was shocked how well he came off in the little that was released.
All that being said, death is a vital part of the life cycle. It is all part of the duplicitous edge that we walk. Second time I got to use that today. It is sad to see someone so young go in a shocking way. I look forward to seeing “The Dark Knight” and I look forward even more to his performance. For many, he will be missed. On another note, I am sure “Casanova” sucked.
Just kidding, just kidding. It’s what I do. In all seriousness…..
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger
April 4th 1979 – January 22nd 2008
Rest In Peace
This is for you, Heath.
Chachi Out
What is even more humbling is that for a long time I really did not like Heath Ledger. Hell, last summer I wanted to form a lynch mob when I found out he was going to be the Joker in “The Dark Knight” because if his work in Brokeback Mountain. The former caused me to coin the term “The Brokeback Theory” which meant I didn’t have to see a movie to know it sucked ass. You know what? For the three days or so I worked at Comcast I DID see Brokeback Mountain and it DID suck ass. Literally and figuratively, albeit the literal ass-sucking is merely implied but you know it happened. They were gay and it’s what they do. Then there was A Knights Tale which….well that will be the last time I ever mention that movie on this blog ever because it sucked that bad. I mean, it was a musical but they all can’t be The Producers.
With all that being said, a lot of my ire directed at Heath Ledger was solely for humor purposes. I really liked “10 Things I Hate About You” and I vaguely remember him in “Monster’s Ball” (Sorry, but Halle’s titty balls kind of stole the show for me). I remember Zach and I seeing “The Brothers Grimm” (Remember that one?) opening night and saying “That wasn’t BAD, but it wasn’t GOOD” which isn’t a ringing endorsement but he DID carry MATT DAY-MAHN. “A Knight’s Tale” wasn’t COMPELETELY horrible and I was one of the first if not THE FIRST to apologize for all my heated words about him playing The Joker in the new Batman film.
The trailer totally rocked my box as I was blown away by just the few scenes he had in it.
As one who may be The Joker’s biggest fan, I was really skeptical about his ability to play the Alan Moore’s “The Killing Joke” style of Joker due to his psychotic and morbid style. If you never heard of it, FUCKING READ IT because it is bad ass and tragic at the same time. Shapes the Batman mythos, too. However, after seeing the trailer and the makeup combined with his (IMHO) dead on mannerisms I thought that maybe no one else COULD have played him. I was shocked how well he came off in the little that was released.
All that being said, death is a vital part of the life cycle. It is all part of the duplicitous edge that we walk. Second time I got to use that today. It is sad to see someone so young go in a shocking way. I look forward to seeing “The Dark Knight” and I look forward even more to his performance. For many, he will be missed. On another note, I am sure “Casanova” sucked.
Just kidding, just kidding. It’s what I do. In all seriousness…..
Heathcliff Andrew Ledger
April 4th 1979 – January 22nd 2008
Rest In Peace
This is for you, Heath.
Chachi Out
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Most Important Vote You Will Ever Make. EVER.
Good morning, peeps! On this day where we are to remember the greatness of a man’s dream for peace and equality, I pose to you arguably the greatest question of all time.
WHO IS MORE AWESOME?
Benny Lava
Or
Techno Viking
Whoa, now THAT would be a dance battle for the ages. However….I have to go with Benny Lava. Let’s see anyone else pull off that Technicolor blazer look. Well, I am about to go out and brave the elements. Hopefully fix my work laptop, too. Busy day. Stay up peeps!
VOTE OR DIE, MOTHERF****R!
WHO IS MORE AWESOME?
Benny Lava
Or
Techno Viking
Whoa, now THAT would be a dance battle for the ages. However….I have to go with Benny Lava. Let’s see anyone else pull off that Technicolor blazer look. Well, I am about to go out and brave the elements. Hopefully fix my work laptop, too. Busy day. Stay up peeps!
VOTE OR DIE, MOTHERF****R!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Down With The King. And Big Baby Jesus.
Yay, thank Dr. Martin Luther-the-so-called-King for a free day off! Hopefully we will have a Rosa Parks Day soon! You know, people aren’t going to be happy with this statement but how come our most revered people were just rabble rousers? Martin Luther King got the insane notion that Blacks and Whites should be treated equal as human beings. The White man deserves better! Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat and give it up to a just as tired white woman. What the hell?! The back of the bus is safer any-damn-way! People shouldn’t be rewarded for being lazy! Congratulations, Rosa Parks. You just cemented the welfare mentality. Don’t even get me started on the women and the damn Suffrage Movement. Voting is a privilege, not a right. A right that no one should have except for the white man in all his infinite wisdom. Electoral college? Primaries? Just more big words my Negro brain can’t possible comprehend. Leave the hard things to the White man and everything will be alright. It worked for the last two elections, right? Am I right?
FUCK NO! Geez, people take a fucking joke. Either way, today is the day we celebrate the dream of one Martin Luther King. Which I believe was for little white girls and little black boys to be able to run hand and hand in the park of freedom. Then have hardcore sex that could be purchased in DVD for $39.95 in a piece of great series cinema called “Chasing The Black Ones”. Nothing says freedom like a 3 on 1 gangbang to Belladonna or Ashley Blue. With that in mind, today I give you something that I haven’t done before. I will give you my own vision of America. A land where Blacks, Whites, Latinos and Asians live in harmony. And then proceed to break that harmony in a good old fashioned gangbang. The fact is that the greatest thing to come (literally) from the dream of Martin Luther King has been a new world of pornography. Therefore, I believe his speech should have been called…
I HAVE A (WET) DREAM!
I have a dream that two black men, one white man, a white girl, an Asian girl and maybe two or three Puerto Rican girls can engage in hot, hot loving on camera for the enjoyment of ALL AMERICANS! And maybe one day we can all watch “Chica Boom” or “Miso Horny” together as a united nation of races! All believing that the awesomeness of a Jasmine Byrne anal scene (Which brings a tear to my eye even more than seeing the flag wave during the Star Spangled Banner, but mainly because that must HURT LIKE EIGHT BITCHES IN A BITCH BOAT) can bring us together for freedom and the pursuit of happiness! Watching great films like “Big Wet Asses” will show Americans that all men are created equal….except for Mandingo because he could crush a Le Sabre with that thing. It’s like a black crowbar being used as a phallus. Either way, Martin Luther King’s dream was for all people in America to be united as one people, one race, all loving each other. And nothing has more races loving each other than porn. So look to porn to see all that is good in America! One day, we will ALL LIVE IN HARMONY like they do in porn, on all fours yelling…
NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!
Yeah, that don’t fly in porn. It’s in her face like bass!
So in all seriousness, the MLK holiday is a day to take a look at the state of race in America, remember his dream and remember that MAN, THAT DIDN’T WORK OUT AS PLANNED:
This is like the third time I have posted this and even being well over two years old…this rant reigns true more than anything I have ever said. Black people suck, White people suck even more and Asians….are ignored. But don’t worry, I am down for my Oriental brothers and sisters. Far East Side, stand up!
Yeah….that pushes whatever Asian-American movement that was happening here back to the fucking railroad. ZING! What is sad is that Malcolm and Martin were the ying and the yang and they created a balance in not only Black people, but all people that showed that shit was fucked up and needed to be changed and force wasn’t needed but a stern kick in the pants was. Marching didn’t work and threatening to break a boot off in whitey’s ass didn’t (Although who HASN’T wanted to break a foot off in whitey’s ass? I know white people that want to do that) work but a healthy mixture of protest and action is what creates change. With Blacks too happy with whips & chains and whites all too happy to sell them the state of race relations sucks balls and may as well be back at square one. It is sad, but true.
Those that say “Well it’s better than it USED TO BE” are obviously from the South (In which I must say I am proud your inbred ass can work the interweb. Nice to see you took time away from shooting squirrels and inappropriately touching your daughter to visit. Take a load off and crank up some Georgia Satellites!) or really miss the point of things like….the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. But hey, to each their own. And Black people, whoooooo you fuckers aren’t getting off so easy. Maybe people wouldn’t look at us like we were fucktards if SO MANY OF US WEREN’T FUCKTARDS. Take your grills, chains and Chrysler 300’s back and get a goddamn real fucking job. A pimp, drug dealer or rapper isn’t a real job. Oh, and playing a sport aint a job. It is an overpaid hobby. Thank you for putting more stock in 50 Cent and Jay-Z than Obama. Seriously, thank you for fucking it up for the rest of us. God damn n-words.
The dream is dead, people. Unless someone wants to take the ball and run with it, we are pretty much relegated to seeing Diddy as a social leader and the closest Blacks will get to the White House is when the NBA champions visit. Hey, it’s not all bad. At least we can hope for a Kid ‘n’ Play reunion:
Rather see THAT than a Wu-Tang Clan reunion. Without Dirty….it ain’t right.
Big ups to MLK. And to theODB. That will be the first and last time you probably ever hear those two names in the same shout out from anyone. Enjoy it. Be back on Friday, enjoy the day off if you got it.
Chachi Out.
FUCK NO! Geez, people take a fucking joke. Either way, today is the day we celebrate the dream of one Martin Luther King. Which I believe was for little white girls and little black boys to be able to run hand and hand in the park of freedom. Then have hardcore sex that could be purchased in DVD for $39.95 in a piece of great series cinema called “Chasing The Black Ones”. Nothing says freedom like a 3 on 1 gangbang to Belladonna or Ashley Blue. With that in mind, today I give you something that I haven’t done before. I will give you my own vision of America. A land where Blacks, Whites, Latinos and Asians live in harmony. And then proceed to break that harmony in a good old fashioned gangbang. The fact is that the greatest thing to come (literally) from the dream of Martin Luther King has been a new world of pornography. Therefore, I believe his speech should have been called…
I HAVE A (WET) DREAM!
I have a dream that two black men, one white man, a white girl, an Asian girl and maybe two or three Puerto Rican girls can engage in hot, hot loving on camera for the enjoyment of ALL AMERICANS! And maybe one day we can all watch “Chica Boom” or “Miso Horny” together as a united nation of races! All believing that the awesomeness of a Jasmine Byrne anal scene (Which brings a tear to my eye even more than seeing the flag wave during the Star Spangled Banner, but mainly because that must HURT LIKE EIGHT BITCHES IN A BITCH BOAT) can bring us together for freedom and the pursuit of happiness! Watching great films like “Big Wet Asses” will show Americans that all men are created equal….except for Mandingo because he could crush a Le Sabre with that thing. It’s like a black crowbar being used as a phallus. Either way, Martin Luther King’s dream was for all people in America to be united as one people, one race, all loving each other. And nothing has more races loving each other than porn. So look to porn to see all that is good in America! One day, we will ALL LIVE IN HARMONY like they do in porn, on all fours yelling…
NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!
Yeah, that don’t fly in porn. It’s in her face like bass!
So in all seriousness, the MLK holiday is a day to take a look at the state of race in America, remember his dream and remember that MAN, THAT DIDN’T WORK OUT AS PLANNED:
This is like the third time I have posted this and even being well over two years old…this rant reigns true more than anything I have ever said. Black people suck, White people suck even more and Asians….are ignored. But don’t worry, I am down for my Oriental brothers and sisters. Far East Side, stand up!
Yeah….that pushes whatever Asian-American movement that was happening here back to the fucking railroad. ZING! What is sad is that Malcolm and Martin were the ying and the yang and they created a balance in not only Black people, but all people that showed that shit was fucked up and needed to be changed and force wasn’t needed but a stern kick in the pants was. Marching didn’t work and threatening to break a boot off in whitey’s ass didn’t (Although who HASN’T wanted to break a foot off in whitey’s ass? I know white people that want to do that) work but a healthy mixture of protest and action is what creates change. With Blacks too happy with whips & chains and whites all too happy to sell them the state of race relations sucks balls and may as well be back at square one. It is sad, but true.
Those that say “Well it’s better than it USED TO BE” are obviously from the South (In which I must say I am proud your inbred ass can work the interweb. Nice to see you took time away from shooting squirrels and inappropriately touching your daughter to visit. Take a load off and crank up some Georgia Satellites!) or really miss the point of things like….the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. But hey, to each their own. And Black people, whoooooo you fuckers aren’t getting off so easy. Maybe people wouldn’t look at us like we were fucktards if SO MANY OF US WEREN’T FUCKTARDS. Take your grills, chains and Chrysler 300’s back and get a goddamn real fucking job. A pimp, drug dealer or rapper isn’t a real job. Oh, and playing a sport aint a job. It is an overpaid hobby. Thank you for putting more stock in 50 Cent and Jay-Z than Obama. Seriously, thank you for fucking it up for the rest of us. God damn n-words.
The dream is dead, people. Unless someone wants to take the ball and run with it, we are pretty much relegated to seeing Diddy as a social leader and the closest Blacks will get to the White House is when the NBA champions visit. Hey, it’s not all bad. At least we can hope for a Kid ‘n’ Play reunion:
Rather see THAT than a Wu-Tang Clan reunion. Without Dirty….it ain’t right.
Big ups to MLK. And to theODB. That will be the first and last time you probably ever hear those two names in the same shout out from anyone. Enjoy it. Be back on Friday, enjoy the day off if you got it.
Chachi Out.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
It's Raining Ninja. GAY NINJA.
My god…how fucking gay is Naruto? I mean literally, he is the gayest gay that ever gayed a gay in Gaytown. They just got to episode 133 (or the episode where one of the most bad-ass battles in anime history takes place):
And the dubbing once again turns this moment from a tragic battle in which a friend (Sasuke) is lost to the side of evil dispite all efforts of his best friend (Naruto The Gay-ja) into the most disturbing two episode yaoi-fest since Saved By The Bell where Slater did his uber-queer dance:
Whoa….that was just godless. Back to my point, way to bastardize and destroy what little awesomeness Naruto brought to the small screen. Seeing as how the show is literally HALF FUCKING FILLER the least the dub team could do is put their all into this one. I shudder to see what they do with Bleach when Ichigo faces off with Grimmjaw. It will be like Brokeback Mountain all up it that bitch. I wish I could quit you, Ichigo! Ugh, I hate dubbing. I honestly believe that the ratings on Cartoon Network would be higher if they just played the fucking fan-subbed versions of shows (Bleach, Death Note, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, the inevitable comings of Darker Than Black and Devil May Cry) rather than the half-assed and sometimes downright HORRIBLE dubbed versions from Canada (What the fuck?! CANADA?! Might as well have Indians do it!). Before you start saying “They are trying their best!” just remember if these people had dubbed YOUR favorite shows and/or movies and they sounded this bad, you would be just as pissed off.
One last thing…X Japan:
That is all. Rock your faces off, peeps.
Chachi Out.
And the dubbing once again turns this moment from a tragic battle in which a friend (Sasuke) is lost to the side of evil dispite all efforts of his best friend (Naruto The Gay-ja) into the most disturbing two episode yaoi-fest since Saved By The Bell where Slater did his uber-queer dance:
Whoa….that was just godless. Back to my point, way to bastardize and destroy what little awesomeness Naruto brought to the small screen. Seeing as how the show is literally HALF FUCKING FILLER the least the dub team could do is put their all into this one. I shudder to see what they do with Bleach when Ichigo faces off with Grimmjaw. It will be like Brokeback Mountain all up it that bitch. I wish I could quit you, Ichigo! Ugh, I hate dubbing. I honestly believe that the ratings on Cartoon Network would be higher if they just played the fucking fan-subbed versions of shows (Bleach, Death Note, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, the inevitable comings of Darker Than Black and Devil May Cry) rather than the half-assed and sometimes downright HORRIBLE dubbed versions from Canada (What the fuck?! CANADA?! Might as well have Indians do it!). Before you start saying “They are trying their best!” just remember if these people had dubbed YOUR favorite shows and/or movies and they sounded this bad, you would be just as pissed off.
One last thing…X Japan:
That is all. Rock your faces off, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Cold As Ice!
You know what time it is! It’s time for the…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start with a mainstay on their way out!
20. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #17)
New Mihimaru GT! Ballad style! Sadly, this video is on its way out after not making the Top 5. Let’s see if they can rebound!
19. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (New Entry)
Yes….I am shocked too. Yet, I have been listening to this song everyday for the last three weeks or so and the video doesn’t make me change the channel. Omarion has been on the Countdown before with “Ice box” and I guess he will have to carry Bow Wow because I am not a fan. Really a bit TI-ish for me.
18. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #20)
Mmmm….May J. That is all.
17. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #15)
So these guys have literally fallen off the map in 2008. I mean I don’t see them ANYWHERE after seeing them EVERYWHERE three months ago. A tad bit shocking.
16. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #12)
So I guess this may be the end of TI for a while. Supposedly he is using his house arrest time to pull a 2Pac and work on some new material. Interesting….”Me Against The World 2”?
15. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #18)
Wow, The World snuck an album on me. You know what pisses me off? Every song that wasn’t released as a video KICKS ASS! I mean it is leaps and bounds above BUGRIGHT. What in the fuck happened there?! We now have a front-runner for the 2008 Chachi for Album of the Year!
14. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #10)
Paramore continues their fall down the Countdown. Still waiting for some new stuff…
13. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #16)
So um….I love you, Nelly. Your live DVD is my only reason for living right now because I have given up on women altogether. *sigh* 2008 is starting up pretty crappy.
12. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #14)
NLT slowly moves toward the Top 10, moving up two spots this week.
11. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #8)
NEW AKFG!!! Coming soon, bitches! Also, Bleach no longer sucks! Wow, 2008 is looking up….yet I am a nerd because that is my crowning achievement so far.
10. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #11)
Mmm, tastes GOOOOOOOD! The Top 10 just got sexier! Sowelu hits the upper half for the first time since topping the chart with EXILE and DOBERMAN INC last fall! Can she join the current ladies party at number one?
9. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #13)
John Legend officially has his FIFTH TOP TEN VIDEO! Now UVERworld isn’t far behind with “Roots” but right now, John Legend is the official King of the Countdown. Great video, btw.
8. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #9)
HaMC moves up a little bit this week as they attempt to bring a little more rock to the Countdown. So, they had the Best of collection but are they giving us a new album soon?
7. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #4, Six Weeks at #1)
After ruling the Countdown since November, NaNa is making a quick descent down the chart as she falls from the Top 5 for the first time since OCTOBER. Now that is a dominant run. Can her newest video have the same success?
6. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #7)
Yes, Snoop Dogg is moving toward the top and I am beginning to really not hate this guy anymore. This almost makes up for Doggy Fizzle Tele-vizzle. ALMOST.
5. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #5)
ABS holds tight at number five this week as they seem to have stalled. Will this be their first video not to make the Top Three?
4. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #6)
Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell creep into the Top Five, giving Kanye his fourth video to reach this high. Lupe is up here for the first time and Pharrell is officially enjoying the ride. It is a pretty good gig. So for the third straight week, the Top Three are the same people….but in what order?
3. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After FINALLY capturing the top spot, May J falls two spots to number three. She got the crown and albeit short, not many artists can say they topped this chart. Congratulations, May J. With your fine behind.
2. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #3)
NaNa is once again one step away from number one! She moves up to the runner up spot and she is looking for her second number one video in the short New Year. Now THAT is a good run if I say so myself. Well, we have a new number one video…
1. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Alicia is back on top! After dominating the chart for 5 weeks last year, Alicia grabs the top spot once again with this mini-movie. This song is officially my favorite song not by Lupe Fiasco and the video is awesome. Now it is official as Alicia has her second number one video. Congrats!
That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Alicia can hold on for a second week? Or will NaNa capture the top spot yet again and officially throw in her name as Queen of the Countdown? Or will Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell take the top spot and be the first males at number one since UGK? Tune in next week to find out!
Well, I am out. I need to change clothes and brave the shitty ass elements and head downtown. I will try to be back on Monday for a true rant. Strap yourselves in….it’s gonna be messed up. Stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We start with a mainstay on their way out!
20. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #17)
New Mihimaru GT! Ballad style! Sadly, this video is on its way out after not making the Top 5. Let’s see if they can rebound!
19. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (New Entry)
Yes….I am shocked too. Yet, I have been listening to this song everyday for the last three weeks or so and the video doesn’t make me change the channel. Omarion has been on the Countdown before with “Ice box” and I guess he will have to carry Bow Wow because I am not a fan. Really a bit TI-ish for me.
18. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #20)
Mmmm….May J. That is all.
17. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #15)
So these guys have literally fallen off the map in 2008. I mean I don’t see them ANYWHERE after seeing them EVERYWHERE three months ago. A tad bit shocking.
16. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #12)
So I guess this may be the end of TI for a while. Supposedly he is using his house arrest time to pull a 2Pac and work on some new material. Interesting….”Me Against The World 2”?
15. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #18)
Wow, The World snuck an album on me. You know what pisses me off? Every song that wasn’t released as a video KICKS ASS! I mean it is leaps and bounds above BUGRIGHT. What in the fuck happened there?! We now have a front-runner for the 2008 Chachi for Album of the Year!
14. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #10)
Paramore continues their fall down the Countdown. Still waiting for some new stuff…
13. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #16)
So um….I love you, Nelly. Your live DVD is my only reason for living right now because I have given up on women altogether. *sigh* 2008 is starting up pretty crappy.
12. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #14)
NLT slowly moves toward the Top 10, moving up two spots this week.
11. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #8)
NEW AKFG!!! Coming soon, bitches! Also, Bleach no longer sucks! Wow, 2008 is looking up….yet I am a nerd because that is my crowning achievement so far.
10. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #11)
Mmm, tastes GOOOOOOOD! The Top 10 just got sexier! Sowelu hits the upper half for the first time since topping the chart with EXILE and DOBERMAN INC last fall! Can she join the current ladies party at number one?
9. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #13)
John Legend officially has his FIFTH TOP TEN VIDEO! Now UVERworld isn’t far behind with “Roots” but right now, John Legend is the official King of the Countdown. Great video, btw.
8. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #9)
HaMC moves up a little bit this week as they attempt to bring a little more rock to the Countdown. So, they had the Best of collection but are they giving us a new album soon?
7. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #4, Six Weeks at #1)
After ruling the Countdown since November, NaNa is making a quick descent down the chart as she falls from the Top 5 for the first time since OCTOBER. Now that is a dominant run. Can her newest video have the same success?
6. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #7)
Yes, Snoop Dogg is moving toward the top and I am beginning to really not hate this guy anymore. This almost makes up for Doggy Fizzle Tele-vizzle. ALMOST.
5. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #5)
ABS holds tight at number five this week as they seem to have stalled. Will this be their first video not to make the Top Three?
4. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #6)
Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell creep into the Top Five, giving Kanye his fourth video to reach this high. Lupe is up here for the first time and Pharrell is officially enjoying the ride. It is a pretty good gig. So for the third straight week, the Top Three are the same people….but in what order?
3. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After FINALLY capturing the top spot, May J falls two spots to number three. She got the crown and albeit short, not many artists can say they topped this chart. Congratulations, May J. With your fine behind.
2. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #3)
NaNa is once again one step away from number one! She moves up to the runner up spot and she is looking for her second number one video in the short New Year. Now THAT is a good run if I say so myself. Well, we have a new number one video…
1. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Alicia is back on top! After dominating the chart for 5 weeks last year, Alicia grabs the top spot once again with this mini-movie. This song is officially my favorite song not by Lupe Fiasco and the video is awesome. Now it is official as Alicia has her second number one video. Congrats!
That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Alicia can hold on for a second week? Or will NaNa capture the top spot yet again and officially throw in her name as Queen of the Countdown? Or will Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell take the top spot and be the first males at number one since UGK? Tune in next week to find out!
Well, I am out. I need to change clothes and brave the shitty ass elements and head downtown. I will try to be back on Monday for a true rant. Strap yourselves in….it’s gonna be messed up. Stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Give Me Your Best Shot. I Can Take It.
Okay, how in the fuck could you have never seen "Big Trouble In Little China?!" I had some team building event after work (which meant free vodka and wine at the company's expense so you know I was all about that shit) and we played the "if you could only have two albums & two movies on an island, what would they be" and of course my albums were:
1. Prince - Purple Rain Soundtrack (Game.....Blouses)
2. Bryan Adams - Waking Up The Neighbours
Fuck yeah. And of COURSE the movies were:
1. The Big Lebowski (The Chinaman is not the issue!)
2. Big Trouble In Little China
Greatest movie segment EVER, bitches. If you dont like this movie, you suck balls. End of discussion. Needless to say, only one person had ever seen the fucking movie. Keep in mind that everyone was over the age of 40 in the discussion except for me so you kind of have to expect it from that audience but as Zach said, THE MOVIE IS 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD! Better than "Terms of Endearment" for fucks sake.
And the Beatles suck, ESPECIALLY JOHN LENNON. Many people agree with me on this (mainly anyone that isnt atonal & high born after 1975) and they will always be far behind The Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin and all the Jacksons sans Tito and Jermaine's greasy ass. It was a 12 on 1 arguement and they could only name one song that was coherant and (actually good) Paul fucking wrote it ("Hey Jude" which is marginally better than "I Got My Mind Set On You" I must admit). We all know.....Paul is the least sucky of the bunch but he still sucks it dry. Did you SEE the Super Bowl? If it aint Prince it aint right. Let's go crazy, bitches!
Countdown may be late. Let this be known....NEW #1 VIDEO!!!
Chachi Out
1. Prince - Purple Rain Soundtrack (Game.....Blouses)
2. Bryan Adams - Waking Up The Neighbours
Fuck yeah. And of COURSE the movies were:
1. The Big Lebowski (The Chinaman is not the issue!)
2. Big Trouble In Little China
Greatest movie segment EVER, bitches. If you dont like this movie, you suck balls. End of discussion. Needless to say, only one person had ever seen the fucking movie. Keep in mind that everyone was over the age of 40 in the discussion except for me so you kind of have to expect it from that audience but as Zach said, THE MOVIE IS 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD! Better than "Terms of Endearment" for fucks sake.
And the Beatles suck, ESPECIALLY JOHN LENNON. Many people agree with me on this (mainly anyone that isnt atonal & high born after 1975) and they will always be far behind The Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin and all the Jacksons sans Tito and Jermaine's greasy ass. It was a 12 on 1 arguement and they could only name one song that was coherant and (actually good) Paul fucking wrote it ("Hey Jude" which is marginally better than "I Got My Mind Set On You" I must admit). We all know.....Paul is the least sucky of the bunch but he still sucks it dry. Did you SEE the Super Bowl? If it aint Prince it aint right. Let's go crazy, bitches!
Countdown may be late. Let this be known....NEW #1 VIDEO!!!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
VOTE OR DIE PART DEUX!!!
John "Crazy Ol' McCoot" McCain didnt back down on his feelings that the Conferderate flag doesnt need to be on the South Carolina courthouse:
I'm not a "Republican" (Right now it looks like Obama for me, but I have something against voting for a light skinned brotha) but I do NOT like the South and much like women and Blacks I believe their votes should not count. Suprisingly, they have enough brain cells to figure out those new-fangled machines so I have to contend with their Red-state dumb-fuckitry. Either way, it's nice to see a candidate that doesnt waffle or flip-flop. Remember, in the 2K8....
VOTE OR DIE, MOTHER F****R! MOTHER F****R, VOTE OR DIE!
Vote, bitches.
I'm not a "Republican" (Right now it looks like Obama for me, but I have something against voting for a light skinned brotha) but I do NOT like the South and much like women and Blacks I believe their votes should not count. Suprisingly, they have enough brain cells to figure out those new-fangled machines so I have to contend with their Red-state dumb-fuckitry. Either way, it's nice to see a candidate that doesnt waffle or flip-flop. Remember, in the 2K8....
VOTE OR DIE, MOTHER F****R! MOTHER F****R, VOTE OR DIE!
Vote, bitches.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Pixelated Insanity!
I have ranted about this topic no less than three times and every time I think that people have finally realized that video games are a fucking medium and should be monitored by parents/kids not being idiots and not developers (although sometimes they can be dumbasses)...I hear about this shit.
First off: sex isn’t new. I saw the Mass Effect sex scene. Parental discretion not advised because it IS FUCKING POLYGONS AND RENDERED GRAPHICS. If you whip it out or click the button over this than no warning is going to help your stupid ass:
You know what? I have seen worse on prime time TV. No shit, have you seen CSI or Law & Order? From violence to language to sexuality I have seen a lot worse on TV that is in easier access to kids than video games. Secondly....and most importantly....XBOX360 GAMES ARE $60 FUCKING DOLLARS! Where are the kids getting this money? Parents. If parents aren’t going to take the extra 5 seconds to ask "what's this $60 bucks for" then you don’t deserve to be fucking parents and when your kids end up shooting someone because of GTA4 then you should go to jail, not them. Hell, when I was younger I couldn’t get $5 without the third degree. For $60 I had to give my left foot as collateral! I aint lying, ask Griff!
You know....people have been bitching about violence and sex in video games since fucking Ms. Pac-Man (She deepthroats like a fucking champ) and every time everybody stands around yelling "robble robble robble" until people realize that you have to pay to get this shit or you have to pirate it and either way if your kids get it then the result is because of one thing if kids get “offensive” video games: bad parenting. I am a believer in rights but I also believe that developers have a responsibility to make GOOD games, not righteous games. At the end of the day, there are several kinds of gamers and that means there should be several types of games. Sadly, there is a market for Manhunt 2, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be made because it isn’t for everyone. Now the slippery slope folk will say that this logic leads to “NAMBLA’S Boy Fighter 2: Teenage Turbo Handjob Edition” but you know what? That will never be made by a developer because:
• It’s illegal (AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!)
• This game would odds are run off the fucking Way of the Warrior engine.
That would totally suck balls. You know what; I’m not EVEN GOING TO MAKE THE FUCKING JOKE. Even I have my limits. Long story short, complaining about sex in video games is like complaining about Jesus in Southern schools: as long as there are fucktards, it aint going nowhere. Get Jesus out of schools and government and MAYBE gamers will think about not supporting titties in video games. Fuck Jesus, he doesn’t belong in video games unless he is dying or going all Kratos on mother fuckers. Now God of War with Jesus having crucifixes chained to his hands? THAT is a game I will happily spend EIGHTY BUCKS for. Until then, I like my video games with great graphics, an awesome story, thumb-blistering action and more jubblies than I can shake a Wii at. Yes, that means the controller and not a penis.
Kevin McCullough needs to worry about the real problem: evolving piñatas.
Now THAT is godless, evil and eerie shit. I’ll be back on Friday, maybe before. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
First off: sex isn’t new. I saw the Mass Effect sex scene. Parental discretion not advised because it IS FUCKING POLYGONS AND RENDERED GRAPHICS. If you whip it out or click the button over this than no warning is going to help your stupid ass:
You know what? I have seen worse on prime time TV. No shit, have you seen CSI or Law & Order? From violence to language to sexuality I have seen a lot worse on TV that is in easier access to kids than video games. Secondly....and most importantly....XBOX360 GAMES ARE $60 FUCKING DOLLARS! Where are the kids getting this money? Parents. If parents aren’t going to take the extra 5 seconds to ask "what's this $60 bucks for" then you don’t deserve to be fucking parents and when your kids end up shooting someone because of GTA4 then you should go to jail, not them. Hell, when I was younger I couldn’t get $5 without the third degree. For $60 I had to give my left foot as collateral! I aint lying, ask Griff!
You know....people have been bitching about violence and sex in video games since fucking Ms. Pac-Man (She deepthroats like a fucking champ) and every time everybody stands around yelling "robble robble robble" until people realize that you have to pay to get this shit or you have to pirate it and either way if your kids get it then the result is because of one thing if kids get “offensive” video games: bad parenting. I am a believer in rights but I also believe that developers have a responsibility to make GOOD games, not righteous games. At the end of the day, there are several kinds of gamers and that means there should be several types of games. Sadly, there is a market for Manhunt 2, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be made because it isn’t for everyone. Now the slippery slope folk will say that this logic leads to “NAMBLA’S Boy Fighter 2: Teenage Turbo Handjob Edition” but you know what? That will never be made by a developer because:
• It’s illegal (AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!)
• This game would odds are run off the fucking Way of the Warrior engine.
That would totally suck balls. You know what; I’m not EVEN GOING TO MAKE THE FUCKING JOKE. Even I have my limits. Long story short, complaining about sex in video games is like complaining about Jesus in Southern schools: as long as there are fucktards, it aint going nowhere. Get Jesus out of schools and government and MAYBE gamers will think about not supporting titties in video games. Fuck Jesus, he doesn’t belong in video games unless he is dying or going all Kratos on mother fuckers. Now God of War with Jesus having crucifixes chained to his hands? THAT is a game I will happily spend EIGHTY BUCKS for. Until then, I like my video games with great graphics, an awesome story, thumb-blistering action and more jubblies than I can shake a Wii at. Yes, that means the controller and not a penis.
Kevin McCullough needs to worry about the real problem: evolving piñatas.
Now THAT is godless, evil and eerie shit. I’ll be back on Friday, maybe before. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, January 13, 2008
If You Smell What The President.....Is Cookin'
Everyone join me in rooting for the Whales Vagina Chargers next week as they take on "Mo Bitches" Brady and the New England Patriots next Sunday! Also, a hand for Eli Manning striking a blow for the handi-capable! Because he is fucking retarded. "Duaaaaaahhhh, we won game! My brother is Peyton! I made boom-boom in pants!" Normally a win for Farve is a win for Mississippi but if I had to choose....
Go Packers.
Only the second time in history I have ever said that. Wait, Eli WENT TO MISSISSIPPI! Shit, I lose no matter WHO WINS! Oh, cruel irony!
Also….I miss The Rock:
My fucking god. That man is still my idol. If I was half as badass as The Brahma Bull, I would be knee deep in poontang right now. I’m saying it right now:
THE ROCK FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008!
Go Packers.
Only the second time in history I have ever said that. Wait, Eli WENT TO MISSISSIPPI! Shit, I lose no matter WHO WINS! Oh, cruel irony!
Also….I miss The Rock:
My fucking god. That man is still my idol. If I was half as badass as The Brahma Bull, I would be knee deep in poontang right now. I’m saying it right now:
THE ROCK FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008!
Name ONE COUNTRY that would fuck with us if The Rock were president? I didn't think so. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Passion of Chachi....Brought To You By Tuaca and Blue Moon.
What is up, peeps! I am back on a Saturday morning, mainly because I am still sick as hell but I am getting a little bit better. I still feel like T-Pain looks, though. That nigga UGH-LAY! So yesterday for the seven minutes that I watch ESPN (I avoid that network like the plague once college football is over) I saw on PTI that next season they are renaming Jacob Field in Cleveland (where the Indians play if you cared which I know I didn’t) to Progressive Field. Progressive Field?! THE INSURANCE COMPANY?! God….this is why I am beginning to hate sports.
Now this trend has been going on for decades so it’s not like the naming of stadiums after random corporations is new. However, after a while it gets fucking stupid. Remember Candlestick Park? The home of the 4-time Super Bowl Champion San Francisco 49ers? The home of “The Catch”?:
Yeah, THAT catch. Well, it is no longer Candlestick Park. Now it’s Monster Field. MONSTER FIELD?! After the overpriced TV cables? WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANY?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Way to kill nostalgia, fuckers. Remember Mile High Stadium? Where the upper-deck used to sway due to rowdy fans (and shoddy workmanship. Guess there weren’t any Mexicans in front of the Home Depot) and the shape of the stadium felt like a pit to opponents? Well, say hello to Invesco Field….at Mile High. Now I couldn’t give a rats ass about the Broncos (Well, not the Broncos as much as John Elway. He can fucking die a slow death via bear rape for all I care. He will always be behind Joe Montana and Tom “Mo’ Bitches” Brady IMHO) but when people got upset about the name change, I could feel the anger. I mean is ruining a traditional name worth the 3 million a year that you get from the company that you name your stadium after? Hell, charge an extra dollar for hotdogs and bear and you will at a minimum double that number. I pay out the ass for sporting events anyway. I can honestly say that if I was a Bronco fan, I could have coughed up the extra dollar for something else if it meant I could keep the original stadium name. Call me a old coot if you want, I still prefer my NES over my Xbox360 so I am all about keeping it old school.
I understand from a business perspective the need for corporate sponsorship. It gives finances to the teams that allows for stadium upgrades, facilities for players, merchandise and other crap I could not care about because I go to game for the experience and not for the swag. The fact is that corporate sponsorship has taken over sports and it has gotten to be fucking annoying:
• Of the 31 NFL stadiums, only 13 are NOT named after a corporate sponsor. That number is 14 if you count Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, but it used to be ALLTEL stadium and they are currently looking for a sponsor. Chee-tos Field, anyone?
• Of the 30 NBA arenas, only 4 are NOT named by a corporate sponsor.
• Of the 30 MLB fields, only 11 are NOT named after a corporate sponsor. The Yankees and Twins are in the process of building new stadiums and they are shopping around the naming rights.
• Of the 30 NHL teams, only 3 are NOT named by a corporate sponsor. However, hockey is “teh suck” so it doesn’t really matter. ZING!
It’s not just pro teams, either. The Louisville Cardinals play in Papa John’s Stadium (at Cardinal Field or some shit like that). I understand that Papa John’s is headquartered out of Louisville. But….it’s a third rate pizza chain! It’s like naming it Arby’s Arena or Shasta Stadium. Which is coming, I guarantee it. Come on people! Is money that damn important?!
The fact is that most (if not all) fans don’t care about the corporate branding of their stadiums. I luckily am a fan of a football team that hasn’t sold the stadium naming rights, but the first time I hear it called “Home Depot Dome” or hear Lambeau Field called “”Aunt Jemima Field at Lambeau” I may have to start shooting people. And I don’t want that. Although Aunt Jemima is some bomb as syrup. I prefer Uncle Jemima’s Mash Liquor, though:
All in all, I am just really sick of corporate advertising. Unless someone wants to sponsor the Passion of Chachi. What can I say? I’s a whore. I’ll be back next week with the first Doucheology! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out.
Now this trend has been going on for decades so it’s not like the naming of stadiums after random corporations is new. However, after a while it gets fucking stupid. Remember Candlestick Park? The home of the 4-time Super Bowl Champion San Francisco 49ers? The home of “The Catch”?:
Yeah, THAT catch. Well, it is no longer Candlestick Park. Now it’s Monster Field. MONSTER FIELD?! After the overpriced TV cables? WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANY?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Way to kill nostalgia, fuckers. Remember Mile High Stadium? Where the upper-deck used to sway due to rowdy fans (and shoddy workmanship. Guess there weren’t any Mexicans in front of the Home Depot) and the shape of the stadium felt like a pit to opponents? Well, say hello to Invesco Field….at Mile High. Now I couldn’t give a rats ass about the Broncos (Well, not the Broncos as much as John Elway. He can fucking die a slow death via bear rape for all I care. He will always be behind Joe Montana and Tom “Mo’ Bitches” Brady IMHO) but when people got upset about the name change, I could feel the anger. I mean is ruining a traditional name worth the 3 million a year that you get from the company that you name your stadium after? Hell, charge an extra dollar for hotdogs and bear and you will at a minimum double that number. I pay out the ass for sporting events anyway. I can honestly say that if I was a Bronco fan, I could have coughed up the extra dollar for something else if it meant I could keep the original stadium name. Call me a old coot if you want, I still prefer my NES over my Xbox360 so I am all about keeping it old school.
I understand from a business perspective the need for corporate sponsorship. It gives finances to the teams that allows for stadium upgrades, facilities for players, merchandise and other crap I could not care about because I go to game for the experience and not for the swag. The fact is that corporate sponsorship has taken over sports and it has gotten to be fucking annoying:
• Of the 31 NFL stadiums, only 13 are NOT named after a corporate sponsor. That number is 14 if you count Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, but it used to be ALLTEL stadium and they are currently looking for a sponsor. Chee-tos Field, anyone?
• Of the 30 NBA arenas, only 4 are NOT named by a corporate sponsor.
• Of the 30 MLB fields, only 11 are NOT named after a corporate sponsor. The Yankees and Twins are in the process of building new stadiums and they are shopping around the naming rights.
• Of the 30 NHL teams, only 3 are NOT named by a corporate sponsor. However, hockey is “teh suck” so it doesn’t really matter. ZING!
It’s not just pro teams, either. The Louisville Cardinals play in Papa John’s Stadium (at Cardinal Field or some shit like that). I understand that Papa John’s is headquartered out of Louisville. But….it’s a third rate pizza chain! It’s like naming it Arby’s Arena or Shasta Stadium. Which is coming, I guarantee it. Come on people! Is money that damn important?!
The fact is that most (if not all) fans don’t care about the corporate branding of their stadiums. I luckily am a fan of a football team that hasn’t sold the stadium naming rights, but the first time I hear it called “Home Depot Dome” or hear Lambeau Field called “”Aunt Jemima Field at Lambeau” I may have to start shooting people. And I don’t want that. Although Aunt Jemima is some bomb as syrup. I prefer Uncle Jemima’s Mash Liquor, though:
All in all, I am just really sick of corporate advertising. Unless someone wants to sponsor the Passion of Chachi. What can I say? I’s a whore. I’ll be back next week with the first Doucheology! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out.
Friday, January 11, 2008
What In The Fuck Were They Thinking?!
This is old, but all I have to say is this is the most fucked up toy since the "Jodie Foster's Accused Playset" with working pinball machine:
Let's get something straight, people. Bukkake DOES NOT BELONG ON THE FUCKING PLAYGROUND.
Oh and a blog coming soon. Probably tomorrow or Sunday. Stay tuned, bitches.
Let's get something straight, people. Bukkake DOES NOT BELONG ON THE FUCKING PLAYGROUND.
Oh and a blog coming soon. Probably tomorrow or Sunday. Stay tuned, bitches.
Long Live The Queen!
What is up, peeps! I am sick as hell right now so I will get into this quickly so I can lay the hell down. Its time for the…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a video from a first timer but it is featuring a Countdown veteran!
20. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (New Entry)
Zeebra makes it to the Countdown for the first time! Initially I didn’t like this video because it felt like the world’s longest Snickers commercial. However, I love the beat (albeit a sample) and May J. is my baby boo. What can I say, I loves me some May J.
19. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #16)
It seems Miss Ito is spending her last days on the Countdown. Not necessarily the best way to begin 2008 but here is hoping for (FINALLY) a new album from her at some point this year to get my fix.
18. UVERworld - Roots (New Entry)
FUCK YES! FUCK YES! FUCK YES!! UVERworld is finally back with a song to kick your ass into gear! After the lackluster “Ukiyo Crossing” it is good to see them go back to just rawking my face completely off. Welcome back, guys!
17. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #14)
I am still waiting for some new Mihimaru as they fall another three spots this week. They have a new single coming out this month so I shouldn’t have to wait long. Unless they pull a Namie. Then I will have to kill someone.
16. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #19)
Well, I would have to say that Nelly Furtado can lay claim to “Queen of the Countdown” with her current track record. I also just saw the “Loose” tour video and dammit I wish I could see her live. So damn fine, I swear.
15. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #12)
One Republic looks to not want to stay on the Countdown with no video for “Stop And Stare” in sight so far. Well, I guess thems the breaks.
14. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #15)
Boy bands in the house! NLT moves up one spot this week as they slowly make their way up the Countdown. Man, I never thought I would say this but I miss 1999. Boy bands were bad ass, no matter what people say about them. SoulDecision, bitches!
13. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #17)
You know what? It feels like old times. We got UVERworld, Nelly Furtado and John Legend on the Countdown at the same time for the first time in more than a year. They pretty much created the Countdown, so its good to see them all back.
12. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #8)
Speaking of Countdown mainstays, TI falls four spots this week and out of the Top 10. It is kind of a shame that he is under house arrest but that is what you get for being a dumbass. Here is to getting his life back in order.
11. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #13)
Yum-tastic! Sowelu moves up two spots and is one spot away from her second Top 10 video! I wonder if she has an album coming out soon. If she does, I will be all over that bad boy. Onto the Top 10!
10. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #7)
We begin with Paramore who looks to have fallen short of reaching the top as they fall three spots this week. This is kind of a shock but the videos above this one are all a little better. Maybe Hayley will have something new for me soon.
9. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #11)
Heck yes! HAMC are moving up this week! It’s nice to see them laying off the ballads. I mean, I liked “Dreams” but I really prefer them when they are playing stuff like “Pride”. Now THAT is a fucking song.
8. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #5)
Asian Kung Fu Generation continues their surprising fall from the top this week. Being the first Bleach opening theme to not take the top spot is a little of a shocker but that doesn’t take away from the video itself. Oh, and I am getting sick of fake fucking torrents. If you tried to watch the Bleach Movie 2 torrent you will know what I mean. Disgusting.
7. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #9)
Snoop is making moves! I am just as shocked as you, but the Doggfather moves up two spots this week. Never did I think that Snoop Dogg would ever be this high on the Countdown. Then again, I never figured that he would make a video that didn’t suck either. First time for everything.
6. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #10)
So I have been listening to this song and watching this video non-stop over the last three weeks. Needless to say, it is that addictive. Lupe is underrated, Kanye kicks ass when he isn’t being political and Pharrell….just kind of stands there. In the end, it all works. Maybe kids ARENT evil.
5. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #6)
TM and the posse are back where they belong! ABS gets their third Top 5 video and they are definitely looking for more. What is even more awesome is their album came out like a month ago so they are putting in WORK. Now for the shocker….
4. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Six Weeks at #1)
After a month and a half at the top….NaNa finally relinquishes the throne! It has been an awesome run since she dethroned Alicia Keys last year and she had been comfortably on top ever since. However, all things come to an end so NaNa falls three places to number four. That means we have a new number one!
3. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #4)
Surprisingly enough, we have more NaNa! Her latest video looks to continue the success as “Showgirl” moves up a spot to the Top Three. This marks the third straight week that NaNa has made up 40% of the Top Five. That is quite a feat if I say so myself. Hot video, great dancing and damn….NaNa is fine. We are down to two!
2. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #3)
Well look who it is! Alicia Keys makes her bid for a second number one video after the dominance that was “No One”. She had a huge year last year and this year is starting off just as good. Even still, she falls just short from the top this week. So who is the first new number one in over a month?
1.May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
HELLS YES! May J. gets her first number one video! After a pretty long journey she finally takes the top spot. Rightfully so, too. Have you SEEN THIS VIDEO?! My god it is fucking hawt! It is more than deserving of the number one spot and it is there for this week. Congratulations to May J!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if May J. can hold on to the number one spot for another week. Or can Alicia Keys reclaim her throne? Or will NaNa bounce back and have her second number one in three weeks? Find out next week!
Until then, I am out. Man, I feel like crap. I will be back this weekend with another rant hopefully.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a video from a first timer but it is featuring a Countdown veteran!
20. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (New Entry)
Zeebra makes it to the Countdown for the first time! Initially I didn’t like this video because it felt like the world’s longest Snickers commercial. However, I love the beat (albeit a sample) and May J. is my baby boo. What can I say, I loves me some May J.
19. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #16)
It seems Miss Ito is spending her last days on the Countdown. Not necessarily the best way to begin 2008 but here is hoping for (FINALLY) a new album from her at some point this year to get my fix.
18. UVERworld - Roots (New Entry)
FUCK YES! FUCK YES! FUCK YES!! UVERworld is finally back with a song to kick your ass into gear! After the lackluster “Ukiyo Crossing” it is good to see them go back to just rawking my face completely off. Welcome back, guys!
17. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #14)
I am still waiting for some new Mihimaru as they fall another three spots this week. They have a new single coming out this month so I shouldn’t have to wait long. Unless they pull a Namie. Then I will have to kill someone.
16. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #19)
Well, I would have to say that Nelly Furtado can lay claim to “Queen of the Countdown” with her current track record. I also just saw the “Loose” tour video and dammit I wish I could see her live. So damn fine, I swear.
15. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #12)
One Republic looks to not want to stay on the Countdown with no video for “Stop And Stare” in sight so far. Well, I guess thems the breaks.
14. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #15)
Boy bands in the house! NLT moves up one spot this week as they slowly make their way up the Countdown. Man, I never thought I would say this but I miss 1999. Boy bands were bad ass, no matter what people say about them. SoulDecision, bitches!
13. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #17)
You know what? It feels like old times. We got UVERworld, Nelly Furtado and John Legend on the Countdown at the same time for the first time in more than a year. They pretty much created the Countdown, so its good to see them all back.
12. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #8)
Speaking of Countdown mainstays, TI falls four spots this week and out of the Top 10. It is kind of a shame that he is under house arrest but that is what you get for being a dumbass. Here is to getting his life back in order.
11. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #13)
Yum-tastic! Sowelu moves up two spots and is one spot away from her second Top 10 video! I wonder if she has an album coming out soon. If she does, I will be all over that bad boy. Onto the Top 10!
10. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #7)
We begin with Paramore who looks to have fallen short of reaching the top as they fall three spots this week. This is kind of a shock but the videos above this one are all a little better. Maybe Hayley will have something new for me soon.
9. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #11)
Heck yes! HAMC are moving up this week! It’s nice to see them laying off the ballads. I mean, I liked “Dreams” but I really prefer them when they are playing stuff like “Pride”. Now THAT is a fucking song.
8. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #5)
Asian Kung Fu Generation continues their surprising fall from the top this week. Being the first Bleach opening theme to not take the top spot is a little of a shocker but that doesn’t take away from the video itself. Oh, and I am getting sick of fake fucking torrents. If you tried to watch the Bleach Movie 2 torrent you will know what I mean. Disgusting.
7. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #9)
Snoop is making moves! I am just as shocked as you, but the Doggfather moves up two spots this week. Never did I think that Snoop Dogg would ever be this high on the Countdown. Then again, I never figured that he would make a video that didn’t suck either. First time for everything.
6. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #10)
So I have been listening to this song and watching this video non-stop over the last three weeks. Needless to say, it is that addictive. Lupe is underrated, Kanye kicks ass when he isn’t being political and Pharrell….just kind of stands there. In the end, it all works. Maybe kids ARENT evil.
5. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #6)
TM and the posse are back where they belong! ABS gets their third Top 5 video and they are definitely looking for more. What is even more awesome is their album came out like a month ago so they are putting in WORK. Now for the shocker….
4. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Six Weeks at #1)
After a month and a half at the top….NaNa finally relinquishes the throne! It has been an awesome run since she dethroned Alicia Keys last year and she had been comfortably on top ever since. However, all things come to an end so NaNa falls three places to number four. That means we have a new number one!
3. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #4)
Surprisingly enough, we have more NaNa! Her latest video looks to continue the success as “Showgirl” moves up a spot to the Top Three. This marks the third straight week that NaNa has made up 40% of the Top Five. That is quite a feat if I say so myself. Hot video, great dancing and damn….NaNa is fine. We are down to two!
2. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #3)
Well look who it is! Alicia Keys makes her bid for a second number one video after the dominance that was “No One”. She had a huge year last year and this year is starting off just as good. Even still, she falls just short from the top this week. So who is the first new number one in over a month?
1.May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
HELLS YES! May J. gets her first number one video! After a pretty long journey she finally takes the top spot. Rightfully so, too. Have you SEEN THIS VIDEO?! My god it is fucking hawt! It is more than deserving of the number one spot and it is there for this week. Congratulations to May J!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if May J. can hold on to the number one spot for another week. Or can Alicia Keys reclaim her throne? Or will NaNa bounce back and have her second number one in three weeks? Find out next week!
Until then, I am out. Man, I feel like crap. I will be back this weekend with another rant hopefully.
Chachi Out
Friday, January 04, 2008
It's Ladies Night.....Again! Free Drinks!
No time to waste, I am late enough as is! I may be pregnant! You know what it’s time for…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
It is the first Countdown of the new year but we have an old video at number twenty!
20. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #16)
Looks like it’s the end of the road for this video. It hit number two last year for two weeks and has been falling ever since. They currently have another video on here, let’s see if it can duplicate the success.
19. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (New Entry)
Hmm…John Legend is back and now Nelly Furtado has returned! It’s like 2006 all over again! It’s interesting because I was figuring “What I Wanted” would be the next single bur here we are with this song which I ALSO LOVE. Not much she can do to anger me, I must say. Even still, this is a very cool vid.
18. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #15, Five Weeks at #1)
Well, it was an awesome run but it looks to be over for another star. The fine Alicia Keys falls another three spots this week. The second biggest video of 2007 without a doubt will be on the 2008 Countdown
17. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #20)
John moves up a modest (for John, anyway) three spots this week. Don’t look now, but he has tied Yui with five videos on the Countdown! Can he break the record for most number one videos and get his fourth? Stay tuned to find out!
16. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #12)
Yuna falls four big spots this week and there hasn’t been any word of a new album coming so needless to say I am a bit torqued about that. I’m just saying, I loves her.
15. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #18)
Theys movin! NLT is moving up this week as they attempt to be the first boy band to make the Top 10! That is a shocker seeing how much I like boy bands but thems the breaks.
14. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #10)
Where is the new video?! GIMME NOW!
13. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #14)
Sowelu moves up one spot this week as she tries to follow up the success of “24 Karats” and pull the number one spot down. There is some old staples and new competition on the chart so we will see if she can do it. She is hot enough.
12. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #7, Plunge of the Week)
One Republic falls out of the Top Ten as they fall the most spots this week. Still nothing new from them as of yet, though.
11. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #13)
In HAMC’s first foray into the Countdown they are making some big moves as they are knocking on the door of the upper half. Can they bring some rock to the Top 10? We are into the upper echelon!
10. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
The biggest mover in a long time! The combined might of Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell move up a huge seven spots to land in the Top 10. That gives Kanye the record of five Top 10 videos, breaking Yui’s record! Could 2008 be just as big for Kanye as 2007? Can Lupe be the breakout star of the year? Can Pharrell stand there and say stuff? Yes!
9. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #11)
Dammit! Damn you, Snoop! I love this song so fricking much! Not gonna hold back, this video is damn good. It looks like Snoop did something that didn’t piss me off. Good work, Calvin.
8. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #6)
TI falls another two spots this week as it looks like his drought from the top spot continues. No word yet on much of anything from him as he looks to be under house arrest for a long….long time.
7. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #9)
Two more spots this week for Paramore as they move closer to the Top Five. Can Hayley lead the guys past the runner up post? It’s gonna be hard because from this point on we are dealing with some really stiff competition.
6. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #8)
Now this is a familiar sight. ABS has moved closer to the top this week as they attempt to get their third video in the Top 5. I am hella excited for the next bit of work from Abingdon Boys School but some new TM Revolution would be a nice change of pace. We are left with five!
5. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #2)
After holding on to the runner up position for two straight weeks, AKFG falls three big spots. This was still an impressive showing by a classing j-rock group that deserves to be up here. Sadly, like Orange Range they came up short.
4. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #5)
NaNa makes a short move this week, moving up one spot this week. I am beginning to like this video a TAD BIT more than “Movin On” because….damn, she is fine. The dancing is a lot better in the original but something about the showgirl outfit…damn. We are left with three!
3. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #4)
Alicia moves into the Top Three! We were beginning to miss you baby. This video has finally grown on me to the point that I stop what I am doing to watch it. Most videos don’t do that because I download them all but….damn. She is looking good.
2. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #3)
Once again, May J. moves up to number two! She was here last year around this time with “Here We Go” but failed to knock off Yui. This video is damn hot and May is damn fine (I even got a certain someone to agree). Will that and saucy dancing be enough to pull down the top spot? It wasn’t this week….
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Six Weeks at #1)
….As the Queen is still here! NaNa holds on to the top spot for a SIXTH STRAIGHT WEEK! The first number one of 2008 is the same as the last one of 2007. This puts her ahead of Alicia Keys and Shakira for the longest reigning number one for a female and one week behind UGK & Outkast for the longest no-retroed! Not like it’s a surprise, this is one of the best! Congrats on the record!
That is all for now! I am out to cool off a bit because I am pissed the hell off. Tune in next week to see if NaNa can hold on to the top for the seventh consecutive week! Don’t forget, UGK did it with a break, not all in a row. Or will May J finally get her elusive number one video? Or will Alicia prove that she is the Queen of the Countdown with her second number one? It was almost an all ladies Top 5 this week, can they keep it up? See you next Friday, a lot earlier.
Chachi Out!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
It is the first Countdown of the new year but we have an old video at number twenty!
20. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #16)
Looks like it’s the end of the road for this video. It hit number two last year for two weeks and has been falling ever since. They currently have another video on here, let’s see if it can duplicate the success.
19. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (New Entry)
Hmm…John Legend is back and now Nelly Furtado has returned! It’s like 2006 all over again! It’s interesting because I was figuring “What I Wanted” would be the next single bur here we are with this song which I ALSO LOVE. Not much she can do to anger me, I must say. Even still, this is a very cool vid.
18. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #15, Five Weeks at #1)
Well, it was an awesome run but it looks to be over for another star. The fine Alicia Keys falls another three spots this week. The second biggest video of 2007 without a doubt will be on the 2008 Countdown
17. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #20)
John moves up a modest (for John, anyway) three spots this week. Don’t look now, but he has tied Yui with five videos on the Countdown! Can he break the record for most number one videos and get his fourth? Stay tuned to find out!
16. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #12)
Yuna falls four big spots this week and there hasn’t been any word of a new album coming so needless to say I am a bit torqued about that. I’m just saying, I loves her.
15. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #18)
Theys movin! NLT is moving up this week as they attempt to be the first boy band to make the Top 10! That is a shocker seeing how much I like boy bands but thems the breaks.
14. Mihimaru GT – I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY (Last Week #10)
Where is the new video?! GIMME NOW!
13. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #14)
Sowelu moves up one spot this week as she tries to follow up the success of “24 Karats” and pull the number one spot down. There is some old staples and new competition on the chart so we will see if she can do it. She is hot enough.
12. One Republic feat. Timbaland – Apologize (Last Week #7, Plunge of the Week)
One Republic falls out of the Top Ten as they fall the most spots this week. Still nothing new from them as of yet, though.
11. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #13)
In HAMC’s first foray into the Countdown they are making some big moves as they are knocking on the door of the upper half. Can they bring some rock to the Top 10? We are into the upper echelon!
10. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)
The biggest mover in a long time! The combined might of Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell move up a huge seven spots to land in the Top 10. That gives Kanye the record of five Top 10 videos, breaking Yui’s record! Could 2008 be just as big for Kanye as 2007? Can Lupe be the breakout star of the year? Can Pharrell stand there and say stuff? Yes!
9. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #11)
Dammit! Damn you, Snoop! I love this song so fricking much! Not gonna hold back, this video is damn good. It looks like Snoop did something that didn’t piss me off. Good work, Calvin.
8. TI feat. AlfaMega & Busta Rhymes - Hurt (Last Week #6)
TI falls another two spots this week as it looks like his drought from the top spot continues. No word yet on much of anything from him as he looks to be under house arrest for a long….long time.
7. Paramore – CrushCrushCrush (Last Week #9)
Two more spots this week for Paramore as they move closer to the Top Five. Can Hayley lead the guys past the runner up post? It’s gonna be hard because from this point on we are dealing with some really stiff competition.
6. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #8)
Now this is a familiar sight. ABS has moved closer to the top this week as they attempt to get their third video in the Top 5. I am hella excited for the next bit of work from Abingdon Boys School but some new TM Revolution would be a nice change of pace. We are left with five!
5. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #2)
After holding on to the runner up position for two straight weeks, AKFG falls three big spots. This was still an impressive showing by a classing j-rock group that deserves to be up here. Sadly, like Orange Range they came up short.
4. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #5)
NaNa makes a short move this week, moving up one spot this week. I am beginning to like this video a TAD BIT more than “Movin On” because….damn, she is fine. The dancing is a lot better in the original but something about the showgirl outfit…damn. We are left with three!
3. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #4)
Alicia moves into the Top Three! We were beginning to miss you baby. This video has finally grown on me to the point that I stop what I am doing to watch it. Most videos don’t do that because I download them all but….damn. She is looking good.
2. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #3)
Once again, May J. moves up to number two! She was here last year around this time with “Here We Go” but failed to knock off Yui. This video is damn hot and May is damn fine (I even got a certain someone to agree). Will that and saucy dancing be enough to pull down the top spot? It wasn’t this week….
1. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #1, Six Weeks at #1)
….As the Queen is still here! NaNa holds on to the top spot for a SIXTH STRAIGHT WEEK! The first number one of 2008 is the same as the last one of 2007. This puts her ahead of Alicia Keys and Shakira for the longest reigning number one for a female and one week behind UGK & Outkast for the longest no-retroed! Not like it’s a surprise, this is one of the best! Congrats on the record!
That is all for now! I am out to cool off a bit because I am pissed the hell off. Tune in next week to see if NaNa can hold on to the top for the seventh consecutive week! Don’t forget, UGK did it with a break, not all in a row. Or will May J finally get her elusive number one video? Or will Alicia prove that she is the Queen of the Countdown with her second number one? It was almost an all ladies Top 5 this week, can they keep it up? See you next Friday, a lot earlier.
Chachi Out!
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