Thursday, October 30, 2008

Man, Pedo Bear Approves....But The Law Doesn't.

Happy Halloween bitches! Before you go out and gorge on candy or get poisoning from alcohol, you gotta find out the best twenty videos in the world! So it is time for….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get started with another video by the hottest Korean walking the Earth today….

20. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (New Entry)

Rain is a bad boy and he is back! I must say I am all about this video right now, even more than I am about “Love Story” and that is my slow jam right there. Rain is back to dancing and while it isn’t as awesome dance-wise as “I’m Coming” it was still great. More Bi is best!
19. Game feat. Lil Wayne – My Life (Last Week #16)
Looks like Game is spending his last week on the Countdown this week after a great summer and fall. I wonder what he has up next.
18. T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (New Entry)

Yeah, you know it. The more TI we have on this planet the better off we will be. Also, big ups to TI for going out and voting before he gets sentenced. If a man that is about to go to jail can go out and vote, so can you! Arrogant punks.
17. Boa – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #19)
You know, I really just want a Korean version of this song. I mean I loves me some Boa but damn it the US version of the video sucks and the pacing of translation is not my cup of tea. But it is Boa so….GIMME MOAR!
16. Rain (Bi) – Love Story (Last Week #17)
Man, now that I know the lyrics to this song, this is going on the late night mix CD. This and “Move On” are two of his best songs yet.
15. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #13)
So um….I am not going to get a CRS album this year, am I? Yeah, I thought so….jackass.
14. Big Bang – Number 1 (Last Week #14)
Big Bang stands pat at number 14 this week as we move along. Why is this album all in English? Although I have to say, they sound very good. A hell of a lot better than Pretty Ricky, that’s for sure.
13. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #11)

FLOW falls two spots this week and I must say that I really am waiting for “Velonica” by Aqua Timez to become a single. I know it has nothing to do with FLOW but…I LOVE THAT SONG!
12. Fonzworth Bentley feat Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #9, Two Weeks at #1)
You know, Andre 3000 needs a new album. There, I said it.
11. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #12)
HAMC move up one spot this week, just outside the Top 10. I am totally going to miss these guys. Breaking up is hard to do. Especially the getting back of your stuff.
10. John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light (Last Week #6, One Week at #1)
We begin the Top 10 with John Legend and Andre Three Stacks. It has been a great return for John and his album just came out this week! Be sure to pick up “Revolver” from your local record audiotorium!
9. Yuna Ito – Miss You (Last Week #10)
The sexy fine Yuna Ito moves up a spot this week as I have to say….I want a new album from you. Right now. Also, what in the hell happened to May J? I miss my baby boo! Well, my other baby boo.
8. UVERworld – Koishikute (Last Week #4)

It looks like UVERworld’s streak of not being able to take over the top spot will continue. They fall from the Top Five and I wonder when their new album comes out. They usually have one out at about this time and I AM SO FRICKING READY FOR IT!
7. Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Last Week #7)
Miss Keys stands pat at number seven this week as we move on. You know, I am really beginning to feel that Jack White/Alicia Keys song. I didn’t think I would but it has a Stevie Wonder feel to it to me.
6. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #8)

Miss Koda moves up another two spots this week for her highest charting video since….I think “Juicy?” Wait, “Get Up And Move!” got to number six last year, never mind. Moving on!
5. Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Last Week #3)
After just pulling into the Top Three, the princess falls two spots this week! It has been a big year for Hyori, and I wonder what her next video will be. Hopefully, it will be hot.
4. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
NOOOOOO! After three big weeks at number one, Hearts Grow walls four big spots! They had one of the best runs of the last few months as they attempted to top Bennie K’s seven weeks which is going to be hella hard. Either way, we have a new number one and it is one of these last three videos!
3. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)

Kanye has just made the biggest move in Countdown history. Kanye moves a ridiculous TWELVE SPOTS this week into the Top Three! I care not what you say, I love this song and this video is different. Weird, but different. I am kind of excited to see what he does with “808’s & Heartbreak” because I like what I have heard so far.
2. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #2)

T.I. holds on to the runner up spot this week! With a new video debuting which gives him four videos in a three month span, T.I. is making a push for Artist of the Year. Although I still don’t know what a Shawty Lo is, this video is simple awesomeness. And the song is where it is at. However, with T.I. at number two, it means that he was passed over by our new number one!
1. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #5, One Week at #1)

The Wonder Girls are back! For the second time in the last three months, these young ladies take over the top spot! Hate all you want, their last two singles have been catchy as hell and the videos have been quite nice. Too bad they equal jailtime. That is a conundrum. Even still, they are back on top!

That is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if the Wonder Girls can make it two weeks at number one? Or will T.I. take back his crown for the second time this year? Or can Kanye continue his dominance and take over the top for a RECORD SIXTH number one video? See you in seven!

Well, Happy Halloween everybody! I am not a huge holiday guy (As a matter of fact, I hate them all for the most part) but if you celebrate it, knock yourself out. The Chachi Video Awards are this Sunday, so stay tuned on Sunday night for the winners! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

100,000 Strong And Growing.....

What is up, fishes! I know I said I would have a post yesterday but I wasn’t feeling so hot so I didn’t post so there. Yesterday was really kind of a bitch. Sad because a bitch IS one of my problems and yet I only have seven problems. So my bitch to problem ratio is rather high. I wish I was more like Jay-Z:

Except the whole stabbing people in the club thing. Anyway, I got back from the Obama rally this afternoon and I have to say that even though SOME OF YOUR HAPPY ASSES WERENT DOWN FOR THE CAUSE (Kimmy, I am looking squarely at you on this one) I have to say that is was an awesome event. I have to say that the 100,000 estimate is either dead on or lowballing it because downtown Denver was PACKED. I mean literally, you couldn’t move and I only got like a 15 second view of Barack Obama but I do have to say that being in the crowd was very interesting. I went to John Kerry rallies in 2004 and they were nothing like this in any way shape or form. Keep in mind we are talking about the fucking Tiki Head of Boredom here but still. The crowd up there was really awesome. It was a stark contrast to what I hear about the McCain rally last week. Them White folks were BUGGING OUT in Durango! Anyway, I will put the pictures up this week (I may put the video up on YouTube tomorrow but probably not. I mean there is enough coverage already) and I want to thank all the people I met up there. However, it is time for the recap!

Pick Yo President, Fool!
2008 Report:
Wrap Up of the Barack Obama Rally In Denver

Obama Brought The Speech, But Someone Also Brang The FUNK

Okay….someone let the homeless back in the building. Seriously, for a while it seemed like the episode of South park didn’t work:

But seriously, it was FUCKING RANK OUTSIDE! Imagine NDK (For the….two of you that went that read this fucking blog) and it’s funkitude in 2005. Then realize that it was twice the funk….and it was OUT-FUCKING-SIDE! I swear to God it was horrible. I finally escaped it the closer I got to Civic Central Park but man….whoa. It was R-O-U-G-H.

Even With A Black Candidate….I Was Still In The Minority. And It Was Awesome.

I have to say that this wasn’t a bad thing. I noticed after about 30 minutes that after talking to no less than 50 people that I saw NO BLACK PEOPLE. As a matter of fact, I didn’t talk to anyone of color until 10am (About an hour after I got there) which I am not saying is a bad thing. After talking to a lot of people, it was refreshing to see the fact that there were thugs standing right next to 50 year old white people and just talking. About change. You know, for a lot of you that means nothing but for one who has seen the “New South” in the 80’s and 90’s (and some of the 2000’s) this was big. Hell, as one who has to sit back and hear the “I’m not racist, I’m just can’t vote for a Black” (Yes, she said A BLACK) in 2004 I accidentally started a discussion about the DNC speech Barack made and said he has the demeanor and the views (My mom has told me about him for years so I knew his record already) to maybe be President. I was surprised how the most “tolerant” people all of a sudden got skittish about the IDEA of voting for a Black man. It was nice to just talk to these people and not once hear “He speaks so well!” or “He doesn’t have cornrows!” and I heard instead “He shares my values” and “He really understands and cares” (Not my words, people) which I am sorry, but that is fucking awesome to me. It just was, and it almost brought a tear to my eye. If you don’t get it then you never will.

I Want To Kill Kool And The Gang.

I swear on everything, if I have to hear “Celebration” one more time I will fucking kill them and Lionel Ritchie. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF HE WASN’T THEIR LEAD SINGER! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THAT SONG! There are some great Commodores or James Brown songs you can use, Obama! “Living In America” has your name on it and you just let it slide the hell by! You better get on that!

And lastly, what may have been the most awesome moment in history. I was crossing Broadway to take pictures of the crowd at the Capitol Building when I struck up a conversation with a Black man named Jamal (We spoke for a minute or two). We were just talking about where we were from and what brought us there when as we crossed the crosswalk, another Black man stepped on his shoe. Now…as you know….this is how 60% of “Nigga Moments” begin. All Black men know of these moments and if you have seen The Boondocks, White folks know about them too:

Now due to my viewing of nigga moments that have turned out horribly (Like….all of them I have ever seen in a club or party) I totally expected a fight and the ruining of a good event by someone getting their S-Dots smudged. Instead, I got this:

Man Crossing The Street: Oh, my bad bruh.
Jamal: That’s cool, man.
Man Crossing The Street: Thanks, bruh.

THAT WAS IT.

To a lot of you it would be expected to end that way. However, ask your Black friends how often niggas get rolled on for stepping on shoes (Or even worse, spilling a drink) and I guarantee you they have seen it happen. Hell, I bet some of your Black friends have even beat up a nigga for steppin on their J’s. But today, that didn’t happen. Today, they just let it slide. To some of you that is small, but to me that was big. I mean if a rally for Barack Obama can end a nigga moment….maybe he CAN change the world:

Big ups ya’self. Big ups ya’self everyone. I’ll be back with a rant this week at some point. Stay up, ya’ll.

Chachi Out

Friday, October 24, 2008

My Heart Is Growing....Just Like My Pants When I See Mandy Moore. OH!

What is up, people?! It is another cold ass Friday so you know what that means! It is time for the….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!!

We begin with arguably the best hip hop video of 2008 making what could be its last stop on the Countdown….

20. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #17, Three Weeks at #1)
Arguably the best hip hop song of the year looks to be spending its final week on the Countdown. Can you believe that The Snowman has pretty much dominated my airplay over the last 7 months or so? Gone pretty far for a guy who I wanted to kick in the nuts in 2005-2006.
19. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (New Entry)

HELLS YEAH! Boa is back, people! I must say, I am glad to see her back and with a US release no less! Problem is…the American video sucks. I mean REALLY SUCKS. But the Korean version of this video is awesome dance-wise and the song is very catchy. The broken English I could do without but thems the breaks. Makes me interested to see how Se7en’s album will sound.
18. Maroon 5 – Goodnight, Goodnight (Last Week #15)
Looks like a slow year finally ends for Maroon 5. This video didn’t pack the punch that “Makes Me Wonder” had last spring but at least they made it.
17. Rain (Bi) – Love Story (Last Week #20)
NEW RAIN VIDEO!! “Rainism” is out and I guarantee it will make its way on here. Until then, this video moves up three big spots this week. BTW, go get the album. It is well worth the time, peeps.
16. Game feat. Lil Wayne – My Life (Last Week #13)

The Game and Lil’ Wayne fall three spots this week as we move on. You know, I want to say congrats to Lil’ Wayne on his entry into fatherdom. A lot better than diving into niggerdom. I kid, congrats.
15. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #18)
Okay, give me the album right now. Seriously. I am not a fan of the vocorder but he makes it work (Sometimes) with the songs I have heard. AND WHERE IN THE HELL IS “GO HARD?!”
14. Big Bang – Number 1 (Last Week #16)

Big Bang moves up two spots this week as K-Pop makes its triumphant return in 2008. The album just came out, too. Go get it!
13. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #11)
CRS and Pusha-T fall from again this week as we move on to the end of the year and the Chachi Video Awards in November. A lot of nominations for these guys.
12. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #14)
HAMC are milking their final video for all it is worth as they move up a modest two spots this week. This sucks. I can’t believe they broke up!
11. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #9)
Just outside the Top Ten sits FLOW. They came so close a few weeks ago from taking the number one spot but fell just short. They will be back soon, though.
10. Yuna Ito – Miss You (Last Week #12)

We are in the Top Ten and it is my baby boo! Miss Ito moves into the Top 10 for the third time and the first time in over 10 months with her latest! It is more of a summertime video but its Yuna Ito so fuck off.
9. Fonzworth Bentley feat Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #7, Two Weeks at #1)
The Fonz and company fall another two spots this week as he picked up three Chachi’s Award nominations with this video. Maybe I should be Diddy’s manservant. There is a future in that!
8. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #10)

Mmm….just enjoy the video. Seriously, it is Kumi Koda. Just marvel.
7. Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Last Week #8)
Alicia Keys has a new video with that fuckwit Jack White from the White Stripes and all I can say is…it isn’t that bad. As a matter of fact, I kind of like it. I know, right?! Don’t get it twisted, I hate The White Stripes though. But I loves me some Alicia Keys.
6. John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light (Last Week #4, One Week at #1)
Mr. Legend is officially back, people! Even though he falls two spots this week, he has had a pretty big comeback and I SO WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN HIM AT THE FUCKING CONVENTION! That’s life, though.
5. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #6)

Well, the Wonder Girls move up a respectable spot this week as they return to the Top Five. Can I just say this song is catchy as hell. My MOM even likes this song and she knows barely more Korean than I do! Wonder Girls: Bridging The Gap.
4. UVERworld – Koishikute (Last Week #2)
After a week in the runner-up spot, UVERworld falls two spots this week and out of the Top Three. NEW VIDEO COMING SOON AND BOY DOES IT ROCK YOUR FACE! Yeah, they are back. We are down to three!
3. Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Last Week #5)

Well, Miss Hy-o-ri is back near the top! She moves up two spots this week as she tries to capture her first number one video. Can I just say….she is damn fine. Can I also say…SHE NEEDS TO EAT SOMETHING. Either way, love the video.
2. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #3)

The King is back once again! He has had three videos on the Countdown in the last two months and he has a video for “Live Your Life” coming out next week. Good thing he is doing all of this before he goes to jail. But with TI at number two, we have a reigning queen at number one!
1. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)

For the third week in a row, Hearts Grow tops the Countdown! Can I just say that I STILL love this video?! Even though it is damn near wintertime I still love its summery goodness. Also, Hearts Grown picked up a few Chachi Video Awards nods as well with this one. Could it be the best video of the year? Who knows but it is the biggest video of the week!

That is all for now! Tune in next week to see if Hearts Grow can make it a full month at number one! Or will TI get his second number one video of 2008? Or can Hyori Lee finally become the Queen of the Countdown? See you in seven to find out!

Well, I am off to see White people walk like zombies for a spell and then Sunday I am off to the Get Out And Vote Rally in Denver for Barack Obama WHO WILL BE THERE! Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You All Ready To Ride?! ROBBLE ROBBLE!!

Alright, people. Tomorrow afternoon in Denver, Hillary Clinton will be holding a rally at General's Park (In Aurora I believe, so get your bullet-proof vests. I KEED, I KEED!) at 3:30pm and Barack Obama will be holding a rally (reportedly) at Civic Center Park in Downtown Denver this Sunday. Let's try to make this a St. Louis-like event, people. I am going so if you want to ride get on the Freedom Train! Or my Saturn.....but it is American made! USA, BITCHES! Also, I will be doing the Caramelldansen:

It's infectious. If we get enough people to do it....IT WILL BE MADNESS!

Barring incident, the Freedom Train leave the CSP at 11am tomorrow and I will just hang out in Denver on Sunday if you want to join my drinking binge. I went to a John Kerry rally drunk once....it was the only way to get through it. ZING!

Countdown tomorrow and a follow-up rant on Saturday. Until then, stay up peeps.

And yes we can....

Chachi Out.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Your Parents Got Sprayed With Hoses....The Least You Could Do Is FAKE Like You Want To Vote.

Okay, first things first: I poppa freaks all the honeys. Damn, you Griff! Seriously, first things first. Be sure to get out and vote. Early voting has started in most states already and I went out and cast my vote for Will Smith this afternoon as Colorado just opened their early polling places. Then I was told I WASN’T voting for Will Smith and I was ACTUALLY voting for Barack Obama…which kind of pissed me off. I mean, you are telling me he DIDN’T write “Getting Jiggy With It?” Oh well, guess I voted for him so gimme some of that Barack!:

WHY ISN’T THAT SONG PLATINUM?!

Also, it seems that the poll people didn’t find my new “Caramellvoten” dance very funny. Although I did have two people end up doing the dance with me because they heard of the song. NERDS FOR OBAMA! There’s like five of us:

Yeah, I looked just as bad. It was like NDK without the knowing or popularity. By the way, did any of you know that Alan Keyes is running for President? Why aren’t Republicans supporting HIM over McCain? Oh, because he’s a NEE-GROW. That shit aint gonna fly. And with Sarah Palin as VP, there is no way White people are going to stand back and let a nigger tell a White woman what to do on the national stage. It is tolerable in porn and acceptable in hip hop videos but not in the White House! Yeah, my racism knows no bounds but truer words have never been spoken. Republicans would rather have an unwed, drunk, mother of six that used to turn tricks for Starbursts and smack than a Black man as their candidate. Yeah, I said it motherfuckers! EIGHT MILE! But I digress…

I need to say something....once again....that should be common knowledge. But after this discussion with a female friend I guess I need to tell you one more time...

WEAR SOME GOD DAMN UNDERWEAR!

This isn’t the FIRST time I have said this, but until women quit bitching about upskirts and men looking at their butt cracks I will continue to say it. You see, there is something I like to called “Freedom Vs. Reality Theory” that I really think you need to either grasp or continue to have your gully hole posted on the intarweb. You see, I wholly believe it should be your right to let your yeast trap aerate in the gentle breezes of the beautiful planet Earth. Unless it is unkempt like a potheads fish tank and reeks to high heaven that is, but even still it is kind of your right. Just gotta keep the cats at bay and you know why. However, let’s look at life LOGICALLY. The simple fact is that there are going to be people out there that are looking for opportunities to get pictures of gullyholes on film. Whether it be for prosperity, profit or pumping the purple piper (That shit was funny) they are out to capture visuals of it and by you not wearing drawers and wearing a skirt that would make a Japanese schoolgirl blush (Then wear it because I TOLD HER TO! YOU DISHONOR ME!) makes it a hell of a lot easier to accomplish that. Not wearing underwear isn’t vindicating. It is a fashion faux pau that very little good comes out of unless you are that dead set on getting laid and if that is the case then why in the fuck are you wearing clothes? Oh, and for further reference wearing dark undergarments under a white shirt is an invitation for being stared down. I don’t wear “I Fuck Crack Whitey Bitches” with a picture of Sarah Palin on it and it is the same thing in terms of attention. Understand that and you will be a lot better off.

Lastly, Chris Matthews is awesome:

Bill Maher has his moments, too. "Religioulus" was awesome. Go see it! I'll be back Friday, maybe Thursday. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out

Monday, October 20, 2008

Damn, DAMN, DAMN JAMES!!!!

Damn it, another icon of Black cinema has passed away. Rudy Ray Moore passed on Sunday night. For those of you jive turkey motherfuckers that DON'T know who he is, he was the baddest motherfucker ever and his naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame was DOLEMITE:


Now that's big pimpin.

Rest in peace, Rudy Ray.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Suck My News, Fool!

What is up, peeps! It is a lazy Sunday and since the Atlanta Falcons have a bye I really have nothing going on today. So, I guess I will do something I haven’t done in about a year. Time for a news wrap-up, peeps!

Chachi’s News Week Wrap-up!

First off, I want to start off with my big story of the news week!

Biggest Story: Colin FINALLY Gives The Finger To The Fucktards!

You know what, leave it to Colin Powell to drop the bomb on racist, fringe-conservative, ignorant Republicans out there in a metaphoric sense. They are focusing on the wrong thing and Colin called them on it and said what I have been saying for YEARS about this quasi-racist sentiment of linking radical Muslims with Blacks. Barack Obama is a Christian and I don’t care but Colin laid it out for you dimwitted fucks better than anyone has this year:

SO THE FUCK WHAT IF HE IS A MUSLIM?

I mean seriously. This schism that the Republican party is trying to create by paining people that support Obama as “un-American” is honestly the most un-American thing you can do (Or the most American thing you can do if you consider that this country has been about since it…well, BEGAN. Remember the Indians? Yeah, me neither). People believe different than you, does that make them unpatriotic? I think the need for guns has passed, but I am not against the Second Amendment. Does that make me a fucking terrorist? I think abortions should be legal for all no matter what the issue because at the end of the day it isn’t the government’s decision what people do with their bodies. Does that make me a supporter of blowing up federal buildings? Hell no. This attempting to break up America into two parts has been something I have been against for about a decade now and it came back with the whole 2000 election fiasco and the “Red State/Blue State” bullshit that has made it okay to be a racist, bigot, sexist or my all-time favorite religious nutball. Seriously, people need to take their “religion” and their “values” out of my political process because you are fucking doing it wrong. There is a very high probability that we will have our first Halfrican-American president on November 4th and the more you sow the seeds of hate, prejudice and fuckery the sweeter it will be when he wins. Although Colin Powell pretty much hitched his trolley car to the winning bullet train, it was still a big announcement solely because of what he said about the attacks. He shot them down with more eloquence and conviction than anyone so far. He literally said “SO THE FUCK WHAT” about everything and said “Is that really an issue to you? I mean really? Are you that fucking petty?” which is what I have been saying for about eight months now. That’ll do, Colin. That’ll do.

Story That Pissed Me Off The Most: FUCK THE BOSTON RED SOX!

Okay, I have said for years that baseball is either fixed or just hates me because there is no need for Boston to be everywhere at all points in times. Now it was okay when the Celtics won the NBA Championship because the team is all-Black and something about an all-Black team in Boston winning a CHAMPIONSHIP while making millions of dollars off of White people I find comical. Don’t know why, but it makes me feel special, mainly because I fucking hate Boston and the Irish can eat a dick after they drink their whiskey and beat their wife. Not even in that order all the time. But being a sports fan I understand the love fans have for their team. However, Boston Red Sox fans need to shut the fuck up. I mean REALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP. Outside of Boston no one likes your team and outside of Boston and Chicago (Another city full of unfulfilled ambition) no one gives a fuck about baseball anymore. It isn’t your fault, it is the fault of steroids and the blind eye all of us turned to it. Either way, I am sick of hearing about “Tha Sawks” and their grammar-challenged fans. Baseball sucks and so do you.

Well, that is all for now. Cutting this news update short because I am hella sleepy.I will try to be back up Tuesday with a new post (Maybe tomorrow, depends on how I am feeling) but until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Women's Suffrage: Bad For America? I Say....Maybe?

Because women dont need the right to choose! Choosing what is good for your body is MAN'S WORK:

Vote McCain/Palin in 2008: Because it is uter-US, not uter-YOU.

No, seriously. Vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden in 2008. Your uterus depends on it.

Chachi Out.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Kids: They Always Need A Beating. Trust Me....I Am An Expert.

Okay....are you shitting me?

You know, I am REALLY getting sick and tired of the coddling of America. You wonder why other countries are running laps around your children in education? This is reason number one right here: not breaking a foot off in a kids ass for breathing. Listen to this bullshit:

"It really is a form of abuse," said Ken Merrell, head of the Department for Special Education and Clinical Sciences at the University of Oregon. "It's going to do nothing to change the behavior. You're using it as an isolation booth."

No....abuse is giving a child a Stone Cold Stunner for not knowing the main export of Burkina Faso (Which for reference is AIDS). Leaving a child alone is a pointless endeavor because that time could be used to whoop some sense into the little fucker. Full rant about this on Sunday, I am out to see the greatest comedy ever told that is also the greatest tradgedy ever told..."W"

Review tomorrow after BOB MOTHERFUCKING SAGET!

He's the illest motherfucka in a cardigan sweater. Peace out until then.

Who Am I Kidding.....RAIN IS HERE!

What is up, people! It is another Friday and you know what that means. MAX PAYNE, BITCHES! But before I mark the hell out over that movie, it is time for what you came here for. It is time for the….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Well, we start off with…..hell I will just say it: RAIN IS NO LONGER COMING, HE IS HERE!

20. Rain (Bi) – Love Story (New Entry)

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! After a damn near THREE YEAR HIATUS of pissing me off and making C- movies….THE KING HAS RETURNED! Sorry, TIP. This video makes….three parts of no sense but who cares? IT’S RAIN! I am also digging the preview for “Rainism” because I have been listening to that song non-stop since I got the album. Don’t ask how I got it, just go get it! Rain is back!
19. Bennie K feat SOFFet – Music Traveler (Last Week #16)
After a pretty average run it looks like Bennie K is spending their final week on the Countdown with this one. Oh, and I told you they would be all over the Chachi Awards.
18. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (New Entry)

Okay, let me just say this right here and now: I love this song. This video is on the weird side but most good ones are. Kanye has been all over 2008 and with the video for “Go Hard” coming soon….all I can say is hells yeah. Kanye can be a douche but the music is clean!
17. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
So here comes the underdog! Young Jeezy has quietly had a great 2008 with “The Recession” being one of my favorite albums and this being one of my favorite videos. He has come a long way since “And Then What” which was one of the stupidest songs ever.
16. Big Bang – Number 1 (Last Week #19)
The Bang is booming! Big Bang moves up three spots this week as I anxiously await their Japanese album…in all English. Does anyone else feel a bit perturbed by this? Japanese people don’t speak English as their native language! I’ve heard them!
15. Maroon 5 – Goodnight, Goodnight (Last Week #12)

Looks like the return of Maroon 5 has been short lived. They fall three spots this week as I think it is time for a new album. Gimmie what I want!
14. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #17)
Hiroko and the crew move up three spots this week as we move along. I cant believe they broke up! Man, this is fricking clownshoes!
13. Game feat. Lil Wayne – My Life (Last Week #10)
Game and Weezy fall from the Top 10 this week as Game has quietly had a big year this year. As for Lil Wayne….I fucking hate “Lollipop.” Worst…song….ever.
12. Yuna Ito – Miss You (Last Week #13)

Mmmm, Miss Ito I have missed you. I am so hoping she does another live Christmas special because her rendition of “All I Want For Christmas” is so damn awesome that it makes me want to give her the nog. I know bitches don’t deserve the nog but Yuna Ito AINT NO BITCH! I’LL KILL YOU!
11. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #8)
CRS falls out of the Top 10 this week after a great year for all of its individual members. Anyone hearing these rumors about The Neptunes breaking up? I mean….Pharrell and Chad were like the Black/Asian Hall & Oates! You’re still the one! Or something….
10. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #15, Co-Biggest Mover)
Kumi Koda is back! With her sexy, sexy self. For the first time in almost two years, Kumi Koda is back in the Top 10 after a few lackluster videos. My original baby boo has my heart once again. I love you, too! Not in the creepy stalker way…
9. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #6)

After a great return, FLOW fall three spots this week after being held from the number one spot by Fonzworth Bentley. You know, with two Naruto theme under their belt, can I just say that a FLOW Bleach opening would be KICK ASS. Speaking of Bleach, more on that later!
8. Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Last Week #9)
Miss Keys moves up a spot this week as she stakes a claim for Artist of the Year. Three Top Ten videos is a great case if I say so myself. Any reason why they play that stupid ass “Single Ladies” or whatever song by Beyonce as a ladies anthem but I never hear this song considered one? It’s why women will never advance. Take note from Black people! Not ALL Black people, though.
7. Fonzworth Bentley feat Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #5, Two Weeks at #1)
Fonsworth Bentley falls from the Top Five this week after a very good run. You know, I am wondering what his album is going to sound like. If it is anything like this and that song from that Gap commercial (Which was AWESOME! He and Robin Thicke had the best ones so far!) then I am hella excited.
6. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #11, Co-Biggest Mover)

So it looks like the Wonder Girls are dead set on me ending up in jail. I mean seriously, why do they keep making videos that kick ass like this?! It aint right! I say it aint! This is a tad bit catchier than “So Hot” and SooBin….yes. All I have to say is yes.
5. Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Last Week #7)
We begin the Top Five with a familiar face! Hyori Lee is back at the top after a quick break from “U-Go-Girl” as we move on. Can I just say that she really….really needs to eat something? I mean I know that some people in Korea think that thin is in but a lil’ thick is how I wants my chick! Yeah, I’m awesome ladies. Holla at your boy and other stereotypical Black phrases!
4. John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
After breaking the streak and returning to the top, John Legend and Andre 3000 fall two spots this week. Can I just say I am looking forward to “Evolver” a little more than “Once Again?” John, knock this album out of the park, son! We are down to three!
3. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #4)

Well, the King is officially back. This is officially my favorite song out there because it is just one of those songs that makes you say “piss off” to all the haters. Too bad he will be gone for a year for being a dipshit but thems the breaks. I hope he learned something from all this.
2. UVERworld – Koishikute (Last Week #3)

UVERworld is one step away! The boys move up to the runner up spot this week as I await their new video for “Hakanakumo Towano Kanashi” from the Gundam 00 Second Season. As kick ass as that song is….HAVE YOU HEAR “VELONICA” FROM AQUA TIMEZ?! The new opening for Bleach is so kick ass it hurts! Remember “ALONES?” EVEN BETTER. Yeah, I went there. Until that video comes and rocks my face, we have a returning champ at number one!
1. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)

Hearts Grow makes it two big weeks at number one as they hope to dominate October! This song is officially a ringtone (Aside from Caramelledansen) and I must say….people don’t dig it. But since people are worthless I’m not bothered by it. This video and song are awesome and if you don’t like it you suck it dry.

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if Hearts Grow can make it three weeks in a row! Or can UVERworld FINALLY end the almost two year streak and take over the top spot for the first time since November of 2006? Or will TI take his throne for the second time in 2008? See you in seven to find out!

Go see “Max Payne” tonight! I am also going to see “W” this afternoon so that should be good. Great laughs had by all! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Aqua Timez: Rocking My World Since 2006

FINALLY Bleach is done with that mind-numbingly bad traitor captain arc (Been there, done that, done BETTER because Aizen is a DICK) and back to the arc from the manga. Now that the anime is safely behind the manga (SPOILER ALERT! Urahra gets a DeLorean because they go BACK TO THE FUTURE!) and about two arcs back, we get to see the most kick-ass part of the storyline in animated form. Also, AQUA TIMEZ IS BACK!

I guess UVERworld was predisposed making the kick ass Gundam 00 opening:

However if anyone got their second opening theme for Bleach, if it couldn’t be UVERworld is should be Aqua Timez. Here is hoping that either UVERworld or Yui is next!
So a few things I need to go over before I go:

1. How in the fuck did people beat Mega Man games for the Nintendo? I downloaded Mega Man 9 off of XBOX Live and even though it took me back to a simpler time….HOW IN THE FUCK DID I EVER BEAT ONE OF THOSE GAMES?! That shit was hard for no reason! Man, kids nowadays have no idea what hardcore gaming is. Go back and get yourself some R-Type, Gradius or Bar & The Space Mutants if you think you are bad ass. Now THAT was gaming! Also, it was back when controllers could take a beating. Simon Belmont wasn’t killing Dracula with a whip; that was a motherfucking Nintendo controller!

2. GO FALCONS! They have a bye this week but after two close games against two really good teams (Green Bay AT LAMBEAU and the Chicago Bears in a game that I swore the Wolven had forsaken me but once again he delivered) things are looking up. At least they will be equal to their win total last year, which is about three more games than I thought they would win. People say that Atlanta doesn’t support their sports teams which to a certain extent is true but I for one have stood by the Atlanta Falcons during their multiple….and by multiple I mean all but three….horrendous seasons and aside from maybe the Arizona Cardinals, no fans in the NFL have been more maligned than Falcons fans. Get behind your team, Atlanta! Although whoever started the “Matti Ice” nickname for Matt Ryan needs to be raped. Dumbest nickname ever.

3. Keith Olbermann….I know we usually don’t see eye to eye on most things but you are DEAD ON about the flames of racism being stoked by McCain and Palin:

I have been saying this for a few weeks now because the simple fact is this: if Barack Obama was a terrorist or a threat, he wouldn’t be a Senator, let alone a Senator running for President of the United Fucking States of America. I don’t care if you are a POW and I don’t care if you have been in the Senate for 24 or so years and a I REALLY don’t give a fuck about how much you “deserve” to be president because of what you have done. Your rallies ARE invoking the ghosts of Americas ugly racist past. When you have my grandparents, who LIVED THROUGH those horrible events in the South that Lewis speaks of and KNOWS what that evil and hate looks at because they looked that evil in the eye and voted anyway you know you have done something FUCKED UP. I have always respected you and your record and let you get away with a lot of shit because of what we agreed on in the past (Hell, I was going to vote for you at one point. AND I’M BLACK) but your response to YOUR supporters and the rhetoric that YOU are insinuating that your voters should look at rather than this issues is disgusting. DIS-GUST-ING.

To have the audacity to say that you hear the same racial/ethnic epithets and bigoted bile at Barack Obama rallies that we have heard at yours is ridiculous, bordering on lying your ass off. Even if you have, that is the voice of the people being morons and intolerant. At no point has Barack Obama made that part of his campaign strategy, at least from what I have seen and heard. Your campaign is quite simply using what makes him “different from us” as a point of debate among people. Guess what? At its core that IS HATE MONGERING. Now I say a lot of things for humor and a lot of things to get a rise out of people (Especially women and Blacks. Turks and Irish deserve it, though) but at the end of the day I believe that prejudice and racism are both reprehensible. Shocking coming from me, I admit. As one who has Muslim, Mormon, Catholic, Irish (Ugh…), Jewish, JEHOVAH’S WITNESS (Whoa…I may be a bit TOO tolerant),gay, lesbian and even Christian friends I am understanding of all people, even if we don’t agree.

The fact that YOU have had to stop people from spreading lies about your opponent is either poor damage control because you don’t believe what your own campaign is pushing or what your constituents believe in or once again a bold face lie to America because you believe it or you are trying to save face. Understand this: no one on the planet deserves ANYTHING. If you want it, you have to fight for it and if you don’t want to fight fair that is quite alright. But call it what it is, sir. You are slowly stirring a pot of racism that has been brewing since Barack Obama first got into this race; much like sexism was brewing when Hillary got in the race. However, Obama never used the “women should be in the kitchen, not in the White House” attack that honestly would have been douchetastic (NEW WORD!) and reeking of awesomeness and hilarity at the same time. He focused on what he would do for the country and Hillary did the same, but did go into the “woman power” bullshit which….totally cost her my vote. Long story short, John McCain IS stoking ingrained, racist views in some people out there and HE SHOULD be taken to task for it. Now if people are just SAYING that stuff, that is one thing. However, he and Palin are encouraging the “kill him” and “bomb Obama” comments by their words and not shutting these wackjobs up when they spout off. America is free, but if you yell “fire” in a crowded theater or in this case “TERRORIST” in front of some really stupid White people (Or to be fair, “nigger” at a 50 Cent concert although they might think you are singing along to “In Da Club” so you may get away with it) you should be held accountable. To not is….well….Un-American. Or totally American if you believe in Manifest Destiny and all. Either way, John McCain has officially made the list. Take a seat behind Dane Cook….jackass.

Well, off the soapbox for now. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Chachi Video Awards: Three Years And Running!

It is about that time! After delays upon delays for extenuating circumstances (Mainly my laziness) I have finally given the peeps what they are looking for! So after a long wait, it is time for the…

Chachi Video Awards Nominee Special!

After the success of the last two years it is time for year three which will be bigger and better than the last two combined! Begin the hyperbole! Let’s get started with the category for the most visually intensive videos…

Breakthrough Video of the Year

Seamo feat Ayuze Kozue – Honey
Usher – Moving Mountains
T-Pain feat. Lil Wayne – I Can’t Believe It
Namie Amuro – New Look
Asian Kung Fu Generation – After Dark
Gnarles Barkley – Run
Crystal Kay – Shining
Linkin Park – Leave Out All The Rest


Yeah, you see a T-Pain video in there. Suprisingly I liked that video a lot and the song was tolerable. Nice to see AKFG nominated for a video after the success of “After Dark” in 2007 but the big leader has to be Gnarles Barkley. That video was quite interesting and Justin Timberlake didn’t even fuck it up for me. Next, we have a category I really didn’t want to have but I put it in because….someone needs to tell these people they fucking suck….

Worst Video of the Year

G-Unit – Rider Pt. 2
Nana Tanimura – Jungle Dance
LL Cool J. feat. The Dream – Baby
Bi (Rain) – Any Dream
Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – Lollipop
Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl
Nelly feat. Fergie – Party People
Leah Dizon - Vanilla


Leah Dizon and G-Unit are back! I hated those videos and don’t even get me started on my distain for that Katy Perry song. Just ass on wax. Now the surprise is Rain but man….that video made NO SENSE. Even his hotness couldn’t save it. But don’t discount the suck of Lil Wayne on the ironically titled “Lollipop” because that was a shitty video and an even shittier song. Way to live up to the hype. Next is arguably the category with the most fall off from last year….

Best Pop Video of the Year

Colbie Calliat - Realize
NLT – He Said, She Said
Paramore – That’s What You Get
James Morrison – You Give Me Something
Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands
RBD – Inalcanzable
New Kids On The Block – Summertime
Lady GaGa – Just Dance


After the battle last year (Maroon 5, Nelly Furtado, RBD) this year’s nominees for Best Pop Video show how poor a year that pop music had. This looks like Paramore’s to lose but they are more rock than pop so look out for the returning NKOTB and RBD to make some moves. Next, we have arguably the toughest category this year….

Best J-Pop Video of the Year

Yui – Laugh Away
Hearts Grow – Sora
YA-KYIM – Super Looper
Namie Amuro – New Look
Bennie K – Monochrome
Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F.
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
NaNa – Show Girl

Man, this was a kick ass year for J-Pop! All but one (Yui, who had a rough year) of these videos hit number one in 2008 or late 2007 which shows that it may have been the dominant musical medium on the Countdown this year. YA-KYIM looks to be the front-runner in this category but TK & Misia had the longest stay on the Countdown in 2008 while Hearts Grow have been burning it up in the later months. And then there is Bennie K…seven weeks on top with one of my favorite videos and songs ever. EVER! This will be good! Now, we have the return of my favorite type of music…

Best K-Pop Video of the Year

Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
SHINee – Replay
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Tae Yang – Prayer
Uhm Jung Hwa – D.I.S.C.O.
Big Bang – Haru Haru
Girls Generation (SNSD) – Kissing You
Jewelry – Everyone SHHH!


Yes, K-Pop has returned! With only Rain putting in work all of 2007, K-Pop ruled in 2008! Hyori Lee made a triumphant comeback while Wonder Girls proved they could be up there with the best of them. A surprise could be Uhm Jung Hwa with “D.I.S.C.O.” which may be the most danceable song of the year. Big Bang was their same old self and SHINee really shocked the hell out of me with ”Replay” because it was quite catchy. Now for the rockingest category to ever rock the rock….

Best J-Rock Video of the Year

FLOW – WORLD END
L’Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN
Nightmare – Lost In Blue
BACK-ON – Sands Of Time
KELUN – CHU-BURA
Maximum The Hormon – Tsume Tsume Tsume
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
Stance Punks – I Want To Be


Pretty stiff competition! KELUN, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR and FLOW seem to be the front runners but don’t count out The Arc. With no Aqua Timez in their way, they could be able to take this category for the first time this year. Look out for Stance Punks, too. That song made “Soul Eater” tolerable. Now we have the first of two big returns….

Best R&B Video of the Year

Tae Yang – Look At Me
NaNa – Show Girl
John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light
Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love In This Club
Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F.
Robin Thicke – Magic


R&B IS BACK! We have another rematch as Alicia Keys and John Legend are both nominated with two of the biggest videos of 2008! However, there could be a shocker as Toshinbou Kobuta and Foxxi MisQ both took the top this year and are serious threats. And then there was the return of Usher! Let’s not count out the returning Robin Thicke OR the dominance that NaNa showed in January and February. Tight race once again! Now it is time to get your boogie on….

Best Dance Video of the Year

Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Chris Brown – Forever
NaNa – Show Girl
Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F.
Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love In This Club
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Tae Yang - Prayer
May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha


Very interesting category this year with no Rain or J-Tim. However, I have to say that this looks like the Wonder Girls category to lose. I mean, just put in “so hot dance” in YouTube and you will see what I mean. Usher and Chris Brown have a shot but not a very good one. Damn it, those girls are going to be the death of me. Now, let us have more rock….

Best Rock Video of the Year

Asian Kung Fu Generation – After Dark
Paramore – That’s What You Get
Kelun – CHU-BURA
L`Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
BACK-ON – Sands Of Time
UVERworld – Roots
Abingdon Boys School – BLADE CHORD


Yeesh, seems like the J-Rock category all over again. J-Rock was the only REAL rock in 2008 but Paramore did make a break out this year. They seem to be the frontrunners but HAMC’s breakup could put them as a winner as a last hurrah. KELUN has a claim to stake in this as well so this looks to be hotly contested! Now, HIP HOP IS BACK….

Best Hip-Hop Video of the Year

Kanye West feat Chris Martin – Homecoming
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
T.I. – No Matter What
Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction
Game feat Keisha Cole – Game’s Pain
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell Williams) feat Thom Yorke – Us Placers
Lil’ Wayne feat Static Major - Lollipop
Fonzworth Bentley feat Kanye West & Andre 3000 – Everybody (Don’t Stop)


Okay, so there is a lot of Kanye here (four nominations) but say what you will about him the man can deliver when it counts. This may be the most difficult category to choose this year because all of these songs showed how hip hop has returned on both coasts and all styles. CRS looks to be the frontrunner but don’t count out Young Jeezy. As far as I am concerned….as shocking as it sounds….Young Jeezy created a classic with “Put On”. Now we are onto the anime….

Best Video from An Anime

Asian Kung Fu Generation – After Dark (Bleach)
Hearts Grow – Sora (Tetsuwan Birdy Decode)
TM Revolution – Resonance (Soul Eater)
ON/OFF - Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi (Vampire Knight)
Megumi Hayashibara – Plenty of Grit (Slayers Revolutions)
Ikimono-Gakari – Blue Bird (Naruto: Shippuuden)
UVERworld – Geikido (D. Gray Man)
FLOW – WORLD END (Code Geass R2)


Oooohhhhhh, interesting year! Ikimono-Gakari and Hearts Grow look to be on top of this but ON/OFF had caught my attention, especially with everyone’s love of Vampire Knight. With all that said….TM REVOLUTION IS BACK, BITCHES! Yeah, this will be good. Now, it is time for the best team award….

Best Group Video of the Year

Kelun – CHU-BURA
Paramore – That’s What You Get
YA-KYIM – Super Looper
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell Williams) feat Thom Yorke – Us Placers
Wonder Girls – So Hot
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
Bennie K – Monochrome
Hearts Grow – Sora


Well, this looks to be hard to choose as well. All these videos went to number one and make up almost HALF of the 52 weeks of the year with these 8 videos. Domination at its finest. All have a rightful claim but with seven weeks on top, Bennie K looks to be the leader right now. Don’t count out CRS, though. Now it is time for the fellas to get their due….

Best Male Video of the Year

Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love In This Club
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
Kanye West feat Chris Martin – Homecoming
Game feat Keisha Cole – Game’s Pain
John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light
Fonzworth Bentley feat Kanye West & Andre 3000 – Everybody (Don’t Stop)
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
T.I. – No Matter What


John Legend vs. TI? Usher vs. Fonzworth Bentley? Game vs. Young Jeezy?! Hell yeah, this is a category for your ass! Toshinobu looks to actually have the upper hand in this one due to how long his run was but every video on here has a chance to take this one. This was the year of the man….about fucking time. This time, ladies DIDN’T go first but here they are….

Best Female Video of the Year

Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands
Alicia Keyes – Like You’ll Never See Me Again
May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha
Yui – Laugh Away
NaNa – Showgirl
Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Erykah Badu - Honey
Yui – Namidairo


It was a rough year for the ladies after last year’s dominance (Nelly Furtado, Yui, Namie Amuro, NaNa and Alicia Keys all took up over 2/3rds of the chart time at number one) but they still had a great year on the Countdown. It looks like a tough category again but I will have to say that NaNa looks to have this one by a SLIM margin. Alicia Keys and May J both can lay claim to the award as well but we will have to see. Now it is time for the grand finale….

Best Video of the Year

Bennie K – Monochrome
CRS (Kanye West, Pharrell Williams & Lupe Fiasco) feat Thom York – Us Placers
NaNa – Movin On
Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love In This Club
YA-KYIM – Super Looper
Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West – Put On
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Paramore – That’s What You Get


Now on the top level, it looks like Bennie K has this on lockdown. However, just because UGK won last year because they had the most weeks on top doesn’t mean Bennie K can. There is a lot tougher competition this year as CRS, Usher, YA-KYIM and Young Jeezy all had more dominant runs. Wonder Girls totally broke through this year while Paramore finally cemented their names with great rock bands to chart. The dark horse is NaNa who barely missed out on last year’s video of the year award but with six weeks on top, she is hard to ignore. Damn, this is gonna be tough!

Well, the nominees are set and ready to go! There will be some pre-show awards to be given the morning of my final decision and just like last year the peeps are encouraged to give their input! The Chachi Video Awards will be given out on Sunday, November 2nd and I hope to see you all there! Until then, stay up!

Chachi Out!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Dead Have Risen! And The Are Voting Republican!

Okay, I am back up again. It is bedtime (Seeing as how I have been getting to sleep at 2am despite having to be in Denver by 8am everyday this week) so there are a few things I need to get off my chest and then I am out.

Pissed Off Point #1: Yeah, I Want A Margarita, Not Your Panties. Thaaaaaaaaanks….Dumb Bitch.

Okay, I would like to think that I don’t just exude “Can I Get Some!” whenever I speak to females. I mean, I treat them with more respect than I treat the Irish (If you are a female and Irish, you are getting slapped. You are used to it anyway. ZING! I kid, I kid) which is pretty well by my standards. However, it has seemed over the last I would say three years or so (Pretty much once I hit 25) that whenever I am talking about anything….EVER….with a female she has to bring up her boyfriend/husband/significant other. Which is cool, if it is IN CONTEXT. I used the title for this post because a few days ago when I went out to lunch with a friend of mine (Well, KIND OF FRIEND. She is more like a non-enemy), this is how the conversation went:

Waitress: Welcome to On The Border! Can I start you two off with a drink?
Friend: Oh, I’m not sure. Will, you pick.
Me: Yeah….two Borderitas (Is that REALLY THE FUCKING NAME?!) with a shot of Grand Mariner should do it.
Waitress: Cool, my boyfriend LOVES those!


O_o

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Now if it was because I was with a female I will let that slide. We aren’t dating (Yeah, I’m sure her husband would kill me since we have been down since the Wu-Tang Clan was protecting their necks) but that could be misconstrued so I can understand that but it really isn’t in context and even though I am not against it, for some it could be inappropriate. Like when I went to see “White Christmas” last year. That was interesting seeing as how I AM NOT R-FUCKING-KELLY! It wasn’t like that but it was to be expected no matter how much it pissed us off. That’s life.

However, this happens all the time. I mean just at random. It has happened to me at (In the last two months):

1. Borders
2. Barnes & Nobel
3. Verizon Wireless Store
4. Hot Topic (Which means he was emo which is worthy of killing)
5. AI
6. Entertainmart
7. THE LIQUOR STORE! (I wants my soju, not your insight. Although the cucumber and soju advice was DY-NO-MITE!)


Now these are all random ass places and yet it is happening more often than not. Now I understand if situations may make them nervous and they blurt things out. Hell, I have been a victim of that as well (Ask any woman I have ever took out anywhere. I am kind of an uber-spazz) but I mean it is starting to hurt my feelings now. I mean do I just come off as that much of a douche? I mean I know I can come off as a condescending asshole (To which I say I have had some of the same friends for 10 years plus and none of them say I am condescending so the problem is with you, bitches. You bitches know who you are) but if you do then you are a dumb bitch that doesn’t get my humor or you are a dude that thinks I am smarty-art-nigga because I AM smarter than you and I say the exact same thing to you that Juelz Santana says: don’t watch me, watch TV.

Not sure what that means, but that is one helluva track. Anyway, long story short is knowing about your boyfriend is fine, but not when I want to know about the pros and cons of a Roth IRA. I don’t care if he has one, I am all about my money anyway.

Pissed Off Point #2: How Can Two Jews Raping Harrison Ford NOT Be Funny?

Is George Lucas Jewish? I think so….either way, I saw the season premiere of South Park on Wednesday and first off all I have to say is EPIC! The Cartman vs. the Chinese b-Story was kind of weak but let’s face it: if you liked “Indiana Jones & The Fucked Up Alien Bullshit Dome Piece” then you are in denial. You are blaming yourself for what happened but you didn’t ask for it. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg stole something from you. They violated you in your most personal of places: your childhood. Yes, I said it the day I went to see the movie in the theater (Although I was pretty sake boozed up for the first 10 minutes or so. Remember that, Hoag…because I kind of don’t) and I am saying it now after you have all seen the evidence in poorly animate form. All the people that saw Indiana Jones 4 had their childhoods raped. Yes, raped.

Now I used to think rape was funny. I laughed about Bro Rape just like all of you:

Or at least laughed if you knew funny. Now, rape isn’t as funny now. I loved Indiana Jones! He shot Arabs and melted Nazis! You don’t get any more bad ass than that! But we all sat back and let our childhood memories of one of the greatest action stars not named Jack Burton get cornholed by The Great Movie Sodomizers.” They were arrested on the show, but in the real world these men need to pay for their crimes! Rape is neither fair nor glamorous. It can be funny, but not when performed on an icon on a pinball machine. Before you say “Why was it okay for Jodie Foster but not for Harrison Ford” understand that Harrison Ford was ALSO president and has a Millineum Falcon in his garage (He got to keep that in the settlement) while Jodie Foster is an actress and an overrated one at that.

Well, enough for now. Chachi Video Awards Special Sunday Night (LATE Sunday night) so until then, stay tuned!

Chachi Out.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I REALLY Am Kind Of A Doormat. My Cat Shrink Was Right...

What is up, ya’ll! It is Friday and although my week (See: YEAR!) sucked it is all right because I am back for the peeps with a brand new listing of the biggest videos in the galaxy! Nay….the UBER-GALAXY. Here is the….

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown

We begin with the King of the South…. moving south.

20. T.I. – Whatever You Like (Last Week #17)
We begin with the King of the South who is the king of the Billboard charts! Number one album, bitches! Who says the king fell off?! I do because your video falls three spots this week. Get it together!
19. Big Bang – Number 1 (New Entry)
Hell yeah! Big Bang is BACK! After some solo albums the group is back and giving us an all Japanese album which means I know like….three more words than their Korean albums! Yet….it is going to be all in English. Even better for me! This video is kind of Pretty Ricky-ish but Pretty Ricky SUCKS while Big Bang does not. The end.
18. Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl (Last Week #15)
More K-Pop for your ass! Miss Hyori falls three big spots this week as we prepare for the Chachi Video Awards Nomination Special and she does have a few for this video. But how many?
17. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #20)
*Sigh* I am still broken up that HAMC has broken up. Word is that Soul’d Out has broken up, too! Diggy Mo is doing his solo thing (Check the new ending for Soul Eater. Pretty bad ass!) and this may be the worst year ever for me. At least I have this video.
16. Bennie K feat SOFFet – Music Traveler (Last Week #13)
Two new videos for Bennie K? Wow, too bad they are releasing ANOTHER BEST OF ALBUM. I mean you have a lot of hits but come on. I WANT NEW STUFF!
15. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #18)
Yeah….Kumi Koda is hot. Did you see the A-Nation performance? Yeah….Kumi Koda is DAMN HOT.
14. Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On (Last Week #11, Three Weeks at #1)
New Kanye! Say what you will about his ego and his overall asshatery, the man can make a song like no other. Almost makes the vocoder tolerable. You listening, T-Pain?!
13. Yuna Ito – Miss You (Last Week #14)
Yeah, Miss Ito is moving up this week albeit just one spot. She knows I love her so it aint no thang. Want to hear something more peppy next time, though.
12. Maroon 5 – Goodnight, Goodnight (Last Week #10)
Maroon 5 falls from the Top Ten this week and I kind of have to ask the question: how come they weren’t everywhere with this album? I mean I liked it just as much as “Songs About Jane” and it didn’t have the annoying late 90’s alt rock feel to it. Yeah, I hated “Closing Time” I don’t care if it WAS closing time.
11. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
Yeah, at some point I am going to go to jail for putting them on here. The Wonder Girls are moving up this week, this time a huge five spots. I am really digging the remix, especially the rap. Mmmm, if only Yubin was three or four years older. Damn you, father time!
10. Game feat. Lil Wayne – My Life (Last Week #7)
Looks like the year of Game is coming to an end as this video falls three spots. Can I just say that I really want to see him work with DJ Quik? You’re Black, he’s Black! Make it happen!
9. Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Last Week #12)
My baby boo is back! Well, number three of my eight baby boos but still. This is one of the few “grrl power” songs I can stand out there because….well it is Alicia Keys. Women don’t listen to this but they will listen to Katy Perry. What the hell, man?!
8. NERD feat Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha-T – Everybody Nose (Remix) (Last Week #6)
So can I just say that unless CRS gives me an album by the end of 2008, I am totally going to start punting puppies. I will do it. I did it until Usher gave me an album and I will do it to them. Save the puppies!
7. Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Last Week #9)
The Princess is moving on up! Can I just say that seeing her live performances….I am a tad bit underwhelmed. I mean watching her compared to Boa (WHO HAS A NEW ENGLISH SINGLE! GET IT!) or even Wonder Girls makes her look hella boring. She is hella fine though, so it makes up for it. Yeah, I said it.
6. FLOW – WORLD END (Last Week #4)
FLOW falls two spots this week as we begin to get into the big time near the top. They have had a pretty good year but are usually overshadowed by other J-Rock groups (Aqua Timez, UVERworld, L’Arc~en~ciel, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR) with higher profiles. Speaking of high profile, where in the hell is Orange Range?! Just wondering.
5. Fonzworth Bentley feat Andre 3000 & Kanye West – Everybody [Don’t Stop] (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
Fonzworth Bentley falls from the runner up spot this week as move along. Can he follow up the awesomeness of this video with another one? If it has Andre 3000 in it….yes. The man is my idol.
4. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #8)
Could this be the year of TIP? Yes, Lil’ Wayne had the huge numbers but “Lollipop” got on everyone’s nerves aside from Tootsie and I can say TI is better at putting an album together. That and he OWNS Shawty Lo on this song. I mean….damn, son. Yo ass got thervved. We are down to three!
3. UVERworld – Koishikute (Last Week #5)
For the first time in over A YEAR, UVERworld is back in the Top Three! I have really liked their last three videos (Just Break The Limit, Gekidou and this one) and it is boding well for their next album.
2. John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
After only one week at number one, John Legend and Andre Three Stacks fall back to the runner-up spot! I guess it is because a new video is (supposedly) on its way and I have been listening to this song forever and I played it out myself. Thems the breaks sometimes. Well, with John Legend at number two….we have a new number one!
1. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
It is about time! First was Foxxi MisQ, then came Game, then Paramore and now Hearts Grow breaks the streak! They get their first number on video and in rather short order to boot! Well deserved because this song is playing for me non-stop and once I get my phone back (See Thursday’s post) this will be the new ringtone….since I LOST THEM ALL. Either way, congratulations!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Hearts Grow can make it two weeks on top? Or will John Legend take back his throne? Or can UVERworld break the wall down and FINALLY return to the top? Tune in next week to find out!

Well, I am out. Kind of pissed, I pick up my phone today and search for new carriers tomorrow. Fuck Verizon in their stupid heads. Stay up, ya’ll.

Chachi Out

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Fuck You, Fuck Your Network And FUCK YO COUCH, VERIZON!!!

What is up, people? I am back for the second straight day and all I can say is GO OBAMA! That is all. First off, I am going to have the Chachi Video Awards Nominee Special this Sunday. Before you start yer bitching it is already done but I have a busy ass day tomorrow and the Countdown is on Friday and Saturday I am probably going to drink myself into a coma because I hate my life but so do most of you so you can join me if you like. We can have a “Drink Ourselves Until We Can’t See Shapes Anymore” Pity Party! It will be great!

So a few months ago (Or days ago….it doesn’t matter. None of this matters, Fryman) I had a rant up about how stupid women were the new niggas. Well, while talking to a certain female who dispises everything about me in all way shapes and forms but we have to co-exist because…well if I kill her my best friend will be rather pissed at me I brought up that point (Although not as blatant) and she was surprisingly…..agreeable about it. Now when I have conversations or even “debates” (Which with women become arguments but that is another post altogether) with friends, especially women, my goal isn’t to “win” or be “right” as much as understand the other person in comparison to my view and see how I feel about it. So when I say that females are the new niggas I don’t say that because I am RIGHT I say it because of the observations I have made and the actions they commit it is TRUE. I think that after being my friend for 7 years now (Holy shit….she has lasted a lot longer than all my other friends for the most part) she finally understands that when I say something it is usually true. Rarely right, but I aint in my right mind….I’m crazy in the head.

Been a shitty ass day and it is about time to let it out because if I don’t, someone is going to get fucking hurt and hurt in a way that is going to required a search party to find all their fucking body parts. Yeah, I have anger issues.

FUCK VERIZON

Okay, every year or so I have a post about how much I hate Verizon. Every few months they fuck me over (Charging me for text messaging on my plan when the service wasn’t activated, Not implementing my corporate discount for five months, not telling me in any way shape or form that software has updated and looking at me like I should know that shit via osmosis) and yet I continue to go back to them, mainly because…..well, I don’t know why. Their network sucks (It will work in the middle of Kansas but not in my fucking house) and their service leaves a lot to be desired. Today was one of those moments where I realized that when I finally snap…they are getting it first. First off, my battery has not been holding a charge for about a month or so. Literally, it will work for seven minutes and then have a low battery when it SAYS it was fully charged. The phone will just shut off on general purpose and my favorite…it won’t ring. Like, at all. I will just look and have six text messages and five voicemails…from two days ago. Yeah, no shit. With all that suckery I take that bullshit because I have too much other shit going on (Like trying to avoid sucking dick for manga money behind Borders) to go in and raise hell. So today I stopped by a Verizon kiosk at Circuit City (Another place that will feel the wrath if I go all “Falling Down” on motherfuckers) to see about upgrading my phone and the rep (Who was nice but seemed to want to talk about her boyfriend the whole time which is funny because I wasn’t hitting on her as much as I wanted A MOTHERFUCKING PHONE!) stated that I could but I would have to pay full price for a phone. I asked when my trade in date was when I get a discount on a new phone and she said November. That’s next fucking month. About 39 or so days away from today, and I am unable to get a discount on a new phone to replace a phone that doesn’t work. That is shittier customer service than a female penitentiary. At least there, the rapes come with three hots and a cot. Cell phone companies overcharge you as often as they can and as long as your phone somewhat works and you get your Katy Perry or Plies ringtone/ringback you take the anal violation like Ashley Blue. Well, she gets PAID VERY WELL TO TAKE SODOMY. I pay $100+ a month (Yeah, I have a data package that I can’t use half the time because the Colorado Springs service sucks the ass) and I still take it in two holes every month…and pay a bill. So after some cordial discussion (I wasn’t in pure pissed off mode yet) she said that she has the LG XV9800 (The eNV or as I call it the “Clam Fucker”) and it was doing the same thing until she got a software upgrade. I asked if she could do it there and she said no because Circuit City is just a reseller of Verizon and doesn’t have the capability.

Now about this bullshit: if I go to a dentist that is an offshoot of a larger dentist, I don’t want him to tell me “Oh, I only work on incisors. Molar work needs to go to the main branch because I’m just a dentist reseller.” That is….just….fucking stupid.

Back to my story. So I go over to the local Verizon picture show and tell them my problem. This is where things get a bit….um….what the fuck-ish? So the guy takes my phone, takes the battery out and spins it in a circle and says “Oh, this battery is dead.” What the fuck, is this “The Cell Battery Whisperer?” So I take his word for it and buy a new battery. While I am doing that, someone else is looking up my software version and tells me I need an upgrade because the latest software for the phone is Version 4. I was on Version 1. Now I don’t know if I am supposed to proactively get software updates for my phone to KEEP IT WORKING but I was never told to so I didn’t. If it is that imperative that if I don’t get an upgrade that my phone becomes a mini-hydrogen bomb then I should be told that. Either what, it was what it was and I left it there to have the software upgraded while I did what I had to do.

I return two hours later to ask about my phone and I wait. And wait. For about 10 minutes….with no one in the store. I finally ask someone and they tell me that the software fried the phone. Yes, FRIED THE PHONE. It wouldn’t boot up at all. Now I wanted to question it but I am under the firm belief that you trust the experts. So I asked if they could give me a replacement but….they only had a display model. So they fried my phone and didn’t have any replacement there that meant I was either phoneless or stuck with a bright orange display model. I was about to freak but there was a child there and when I get mad the first thing I attack is at knee level so that was a bad idea. I asked if I could just get a replacement from a store in the Springs (This was in Aurora, BTW. East Denver for those not here) because it was closer to me and not in another fucking COUNTY but they said I could not because it goes against inventory or something. At this point, my head was dealing with the voice of the Wolven telling me to sacrifice the first person with the letter “B” in their name so I just accepted that since I had to go back up to Denver the next day anyway but then I realized something. The phone was orange…..my new battery is silver….WHAT THE FUCK?! Now I know the last thing I should be concerned about is the COLOR of my battery in comparison to my phone but come the fuck on! SHITFUCKCUNTMCCAINASSRAPE!

Okay, I am stuck with a mismatched phone that isn’t mine that I have to replace and has to have everything transferred back on (Oh, did I mention they almost shipped off my 4GB memory card with the bad phone? Customer service, my ass!) to make whole again? Do you know how long it took me to get all those ringtones on there?! How will I know if Copper is calling me if it doesn’t play the Danger Mouse theme?!


How will I know if it is Nicole if “Rebelde” doesn’t play?!

I won’t ever know who is calling me! I DON’T KNOW NUMBERS, I KNOW RINGTONES! In all seriousness, I would figure I would have better service than this. I mean I pay my bill on time and I rarely call for problems because I am rather savvy about wireless (I used to sell it and know about the network….no matter how shitty it is) and yet I get screwed over quite often. Now I know I pretty much let it happen and take the blame for that completely but I have been a Verizon customer since 1999. Before that, I had AirTouch but they got bought out. I have gone through 8 phones in my 10 years or so and you know how many failed? SEVEN. SEVEN PHONES HAVE FAILED! Now that is a manufacturer problem but my issue hasn’t been the phone, it has been the service to the problem. I have had three of those phones fail while IN THEIR CARE either trying to install software or fix other issues. Now one would say “Hey, they fix the problem so everything is fine like cherry wine” but why are these things always happening? I mean seriously, is this normal? It can’t be! Needless to say, I am sick of this shit.

So to go along with my stance on Blondies, Circuit City and Macaroni Grill I am officially boycotting Verizon Wireless. Once my contract is up, I am going with someone else. This is total bullshit and I am not going to take it….ANYMORE!!

At least until they say they are sorry and buy me some flowers. They still love me! Man…Copper was right. I AM a battered wife.

Well, that is all for now. Countdown tomorrow and I will try to update Saturday or something. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Bringin Back That Old New York Rap! Wait....I Don't Even LIKE New York!

What is up, people?! I am back on the scene with a pocket full of….lint. FUUUUUCK ME. But that’s the way life is if you want to get what you want sometimes. So another Hip Hop Honors has come and gone and there are a few artists that I am pissed off about not being inducted yet. I mean I am no hip hop connoisseur (Although I HAVE beaten Def Jam: Vendetta, Def Jam: Fight for New York AND Def Jam: Icon which makes me more old school than nickel water and mayonnaise sammiches) but I do know a thing or two about some of bringing back that old school rap. So today I bring to you a little bit of that gangsta shit. I give to you….

Chachi’s Hip Hop Honors 2009 Honorees!

Honoree #1: DJ Quik

First off, the fact that he is NOT in the Hip Hop Honors, albeit not a standard “hall of fame” is infuriating. When you think West Coast rap you SHOULD think of five people:

1. NWA (This includes Dr. Dre, Easy-E, Ice Cube and MC Ren)
2. Snoop Dogg
3. Too $hort
4. Cypress Hill
5. DJ Quik

Honestly, as far as I am concerned it isn’t even in that fucking order. DJ Quik is actually who introduced me to West Coast rap because I thought NWA…what’s that word….oh yeah. SUCKED. Seriously, I was all about De La Soul, Tribe Called Quest and Fresh Prince (More on him later. STOP HATIN!) back then and felt NWA lacked talent. Yeah, motherfucker I said it and I STILL HATE THEM. They were no Geto Boys. YEAH, I SAID THAT SHIT TOO! Record sales and controversy don’t equal being good but that is another rant for another time. DJ Quik never really had the mega-popularity of the other West Coast rappers (Although I own all his albums) mostly because he wasn’t rapping about ALL the gangsta ridiculousness. Now he did the gangsta rap thing but his love for Roger Troutman before everyone sampled his music and effectively raped his vocorders’ musical corpse (T-Pain & Kanye….I am looking at your Black asses) is really what drew me to his music. His style of old school smooth R&B was more of an East Coast style (See: Pete Rock & CL Smooth….more on them later) and yet he still dropped that lowrider, summertime jam music that I still roll with to this day. You TELL ME that “Summer Breeze” and the bomb music when driving on a summer evening with a straight face and I will face-fuck your cat. I’ll do it.

What really makes DJ Quik (IMHO) one of the Top Ten ever is his lyricism. He has been underrated for damn near 20 years as not just a West Coast rapper but a rapper in general. Remember the intro to “Rhythm-A-Lism” and how fucking AWESOME that was? He had the same laid back flow as other Cali rappers but he could rip it if need be which is something that we cannot say for other rappers out now. Also, can I just say that Quik’s Grooves are some of the best instrumentals EVER? Add all of that together and you have one of the most influential rappers and producers ever. Shame he isn’t in yet and a bigger shame that some people don’t know who his if. If you do, big ups and if you don’t BUY A FUCKING ALBUM RIGHT NOW.

Honoree #2: Kid ‘N’ Play

Go ahead, get your laugh on. I’ll wait, you ignorant motherfuckers. You done? Okay, now that you are done making a shit out of yourself do you realize that before Ice Cube, before John Singleton (On a major forum), before 50 Cent there was Kid ‘N’ Play making movies. Good movies at that. Well, House Party and House Party 2 were good (PAJAMA JAMMY JAM, BITCHES!) but I will admit that Class Act and House Party 3 left a lot to be desired….like being good. Not only did they make movies they had some really good albums and YES they were a bit happy and un-thug but think about it: what makes hip hop great is it’s variety. Kid ‘N’ Play gave us not only a different sound but they revolutionized fashion even though it was for the tacky. I mean, who DIDN’T have a high top fade? I mean I didn’t but that was because my hair would just lay down (I got that good hair, got some Indian in me). They had some classic songs and along with Salt N Pepa and EU (DOIN DA BUTT!) introduced “go-go” to hip hop, a movement that I wish would come back because that shit is dance-worthy. They were one of the first hip hop duos and really changed how rappers viewed making movies as part of their business ventures. They had to put up with a lot of shit over it and kind of paved the way for that 50 Cent movie (You know, King Kong. ZING!) but in the end they really did a lot for hip hop and gave us a lot of great songs and the GREATEST DANCE SEQUENCES OF ALL TIME!

Hell, House Party ALONE is worth the honor. Speaking of movies…

Honoree #3: The Last Dragon

They have honored movies before and with the death of Julius Curry (Sho-Nuff) earlier this year this movie would have been a great fit. Now first off, I am going to say this right here and now. There are a few movies that all Black people…male and female….have seen and if you haven’t they you ain’t BLACK!

1. Hollywood Shuffle (In my opinion, Robert Townsend’s best work. Hoecakes!)
2. The Mack (The scene with Richard Pryor and the dynamite in his mouth haunted me until I was 15)
3. Soul Man (Five words: Harvard, There Is No Substitute!)
4. I’m Gon Git You Sucka (Everybody needs theme music….)
5. The Last Dragon (WHO’S THE MASTER!)

If you are Black and you haven’t seen those movies, you are TEH SUCK! The Last Dragon had everything from action to comedy to romance to Vanity. Back when she was hot and freaky. The movie also had the greatest song ever in El Debarge’s “Rhythm of the Night” back when he and Kenny Loggins were battling for the most songs on a soundtrack (SHORT CIRCUIT, FOOL!). Hell, Sho’Nuff is one of the most quoted yet under-recognized characters of the 80’s! Yes, I put him up there with Lo Pan. YEAH, I SAID IT! Overall, this movie was one of the biggest movies in hip hop’s history even if people don’t want to admit it.

Honoree # 4: Pete Rock

Okay, now a lot of hip hop heads may say that he doesn’t have a big enough body of work to be able to achieve this honor. Guess what…you are a fuckwit. Pete Rock has been producing artists FOR YEARS and has given us some of the best beats that either you never heard or you fucking slept on. Sometimes, being consistent is better than being flashy (Pharrell, I am so looking at you) and Pete Rock has always given the world some awesome production. If you don’t consider “They Remince Over You (T.R.O.Y.)” one of the best songs ever then there is no hope for hip hop and no hope for the future. This is one of those honors that is going to be scoffed on by many (Why aint Ja Rule in there? WHERE’S JA?!) but at the end of the day, Pete Rock is an innovator and one of the best producers of all time. Just behind DJ Quik.

Honoree #5: Master P & The No Limit Soldiers

*Sigh* I REALLY didn’t want to do this. But even I had to admit….I still have those ugly ass Master P, Mystikal, Mia X and Silkk Da Shocker albums with the art that looks shooped. Say what you will about some Master P and odds are I will say the same. I know that he was lyrically as good as Rappin Ronnie. I know that his catchphrase was fucking annoying. And yet….we all know it and you can lie to yourself all you want you all said it. You know it….

UUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! NA NA NA NA!!
None of us want to admit it but we were all bout it, bout it. We all miss our homies. We were all No Limit Soldiers and someone out there still has that dumb ass doll. Master P brought back the huge medallion that has become an object of niggardom and thuggery in the years since. The man had movies (Which all sucked), clothing (Which as 80% ugly as shit) and toys (Which surprisingly sucked, too) in a day and time when rappers were happy just being ignorant little shits that had no redeeming quality aside from the fact they could move 500,000 units. Master P was a businessman and entered into ventures that have shaped hip hop to this day. Remember how he had his group manage Ricky Williams into Miami? Remember how he marketed (Pimped?) his son as the next young rap star? Remember how he made us give a fuck who Mr. Magic and Kane & Abel were? The man was a genius and changed hip hop as we know it forever. For better or worse, but still. Na na na na!

Honoree #6: DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince/Fresh Prince of Bel Air/Will Smith

To all of you “hip hop purists”…..FUCK YOU AND STOP HATIN! Say what you will about Will Smith or even DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince the group….but you KNOW you were all about The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. You know it, I know it, your momma knows it and smooth skinned baby Jesus knows it. From the beginning with Parents Just Don’t Understand and Nightmare On My Street, Will Smith has been part of hip hop since the beginning. You can hate on Summertime all you fucking want to but that song was the mad notes and you know it. Oh, and all of you rappers acting (DMX, I am looking at you….while you are looking at crack. ZING!) now owe this man a debt of fucking gratitude. I remember all my friends calling Will Smith a sellout because he was acting instead of rapping and now all rappers are acting. Hell, if you are Rick Ross you are acting like a drug dealer and if you are Plies you are ACTING LIKE A FUCKING RAPPER. He had one of the greatest shows on TV that had the luxury of being like “Homeboys In Outerspace” but instead tackled all races issues (Racism, broken families, drugs) and still had time to make me laugh. Then there was the “Big Willie Style” era in which you know FUCKING WELL you were “Getting’ Jiggy With It” with the rest of us. We could have done without “Willenium” but everyone has their “In My Lifetime Vol I” so I can let that slide. In the end, I personally believe that Will Smith should have been inducted the second year but that’s just me. This busted logic that the only hip hop is hip hop where people aint smiling needs to stop. You should be thanking “hip-pop” artists for taking your shit and allowing artists like NWA, Wu-Tang Clan and Too $hort to even be on the radio. Think about THAT.

Well, those are MY nominees for 2009. And dammit, if DJ Quik isn’t in there, I am kidnapping Flavor Flav. Have Flavor of Love without him, VH1! I FUCKING DARE YOU! Until next time….THE CHACHI VIDEO AWARDS NOMINEE SPECIAL!! I hope to have it up Thursday and will announce the date of the show then as well. Stay up, peeps. And a hip hop you don’t stop!

Wow….DC Talk. That was special.

Chachi Out