I am back, bitches!! It is time for another installment of….
Random Thoughts
I Still Hate Mac Commercials
Yeah, these are still pissing me off. I am curious about how much Apple spends on these ads because at the end of the day the only people that buy Macs are:
• People that use its software (Garage Band and all the other gay shit)
• Mouth breathers (You know who you are)
• Yearbook (Yeah, I can understand why but still. I was SO LAME!)
• Pretentious cockmongers that think having a Mac is tres cool because it is the computer of Euro fags and celeb fuckwits everywhere.
If you don’t fall into one of these categories and you own a Mac then you are just a believer in hype or a hippie ass college student. You know, I don’t really have an issue with the Mac as much as I despise Mac users. I mean you can literally tell a Mac user because they all look like this:
See, odds are this asshole claims to be “green” and all about the planet and giving up “material goods” but has a Mac, a Prius (Which is American for FAGMONATRON!), an iPod and all the other things that pretentious, hippie douches own to show how much of a free spirit they are. The fact is that if you have a Mac because you think it is hip then you are a fuckwit. End of story.
I Love Money! And I Am Ashamed….
So “I Love Money” may just be the worst show on TV that I really have to watch. I mean it pretty much proves everything I have been saying about women (and men, for that matter) for years when it comes to money and attention: everyone’s got a price:
I love how women will either defend their actions of dumbing down American TV or just say they aren’t like them. Well, if Black people have to claim 50 Cent then women have to claim attention whores. Thems the rules and it is why you will never be president.
Dane Cook Really Isn’t All That Fucking Funny
You know, I have never really understood the whole love with Dane Cook because I never really found his jokes funny. Without funny jokes, his stand up routine is like the San Diego Chargers of last year with Hillary Duff at quarterback tried and true system screwed up by a lack of talent and execution at the most important point: delivery. Dane Cook takes really average jokes and makes them average….but animated. Over animated. I am talking “One Piece” over animated:
What makes it even worse is that people repeat his jokes ad nauseum worse than the Chappelle Show jokes but the Chappelle Show was funny. Dane Cook jokes are like DMX raps: only any good when he says them because the delivery is so jacked. However, Dane Cook’s delivery sucks teh balls and he is NO DMX. AYO, MOTHERFUCKER!!
Women’s Rights…..Eh, Why Not? They Can't Seem To Dodge Them....(BURN!)
So can I just say that I am really…..really getting tired of people bitching and placing bullshit religious meaning to shit like abortion and marriage? Fuck the Bible, it shouldn’t be a relevant text about shit IN THE GOD DAMNED FUTURE. Catholics are out of date and so is the word of that book. Seriously, who gives a fuck when life begins? As far as I am concerned life begins when that little shit can be a valuable member of society. And since kids are little demon spawn until they hit old enough to be beaten (Which I say is as soon as they say their first words but that is FROWNED UPON by shitheads and fucktards alike) a child means jack shit to me. Therefore, if a woman wants to have a mass of wasted talent ripped from her uterus like the pride of Michigan alumni right now (You lost to fucking MORMONS!) I am totally cool with that. It aint my body and I aint fuck you so knock yourself out. Baby removals for all! Seriously, I don’t care if you think it is wrong or you think God doesn’t approve (Have you READ the Bible? He doesn’t approve of shit except him being a dick) the simple fact is that it isn’t your choice to make so shut the fuck up. Making it illegal means you are going to have more scenes like Dirty Dancing or Sarah Palin’s dumb ass covering up for her knocked up daughter because she wouldn’t just let her leave that baby in the fucking wilderness. Two words for you, Sarah…Jungle Book. Mowgli turned out just fine!
Singing and dancing and such. That would be AWESOME. Now you have a bastard baby with Downs Syndrome when you could have had a kick ass dancing baby that got down with jungle animals. I am SO voting for Obama. That man is the Simba of the Democratic Party.
IN THE CIRRRRRRCLLLLLLLEEEEE…..THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE YEAH!
No Elton John in the Republican Party. They hate the gays. Speaking of gays, who REALLY gives a fuck if they get married. If someone can give me a reason that homosexicals shouldn’t be married without using the line “It’s a sin in the bible” or “It’s an aberration” then I will still not give a fuck but at least I will TRY to respect you. Two dudes get married, why do you care? I don’t care when two ugly redneck people get married. Hell, it’s just as fucking bad! What is even worse is they can reproduce while gays (Who are scientifically smarter than straights. Their minds aren’t preoccupied with the things straight people think about) cannot! So you would rather have dipshits get married that can’t even fill out a marriage certificate without a fucking template but you won’t let a boyfriend and boyfriend (or the less sassy girlfriend and girlfriend) enjoy the world of marriage? You are a fucktard if you say yes. Remember, Britney and K-Fed were legally allowed to marry while Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi were not (For a while, anyway. Boston is FAB-YOU-LOUS!) and that is right in the eyes of God? Well I hate to break it to you but Jesus was gay. There, I said it. Speaking of Jesus…
Stop Saying “Jesus Take The Wheel”
Seriously, Jesus can’t drive with his hands and feet in the condition they are in LET ALONE TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL.
And on that note, I am sure I offended SOMEONE so my job is done. Enjoy your Labor Day weekend and in 17 days I EXPECT GIFTS, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Chachi Out.
