Hey, ya’ll! I am back for and you know it! So I have been parusing the internet for the last few hours because I hate working and I have been looking up the summer blockbusters. So today, I bring to you a little something something to get you ready for the heat! So I give to you….
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Summer Movie Spectac-a-ganza!
How do you like that? Pretty damn bad ass, right? Anyway, I am only focusing on the GOOD movies so these films will not be previewed:
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Why?: Because Jesus always has been and always will be “teh suck.” That and I think those fucking kids should have been eaten by the lion in the first one. That would have ruled.
Sex In The City: The Movie
Why?: Because Horseface Parker and the Old Bitch Three had a shitty show and it will make a shitty movie. The only good movie based on a TV show was “The Simpsons Movie” and to a lesser extent, “Tiny Toons Summer Vacation.”
The Happening
Why?: It’s M Night Shyamalan. That in itself is enough to make me never want to see that shitfest.
Speed Racer
Why?: Because not even Bi can save this movie. Just looking at it makes me think of Wipeout for the original Playstation:
Great if you are playing a video game. Not for one of the original and trendsetting anime of all time.
There are some other suckier movies but I will not give them the time of day but you know who you are. Pretty much anything with Colin Farrell. So let’s get this bad boy started!
Iron Man
Release Date: May 2nd, 2008
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Terrance Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges
Why It Could Rule: First off, it has Robert Downey Jr. in it and he is a fucking hawtie and you know it. Secondly, it takes maybe the most marketable and movie ready character not named Green Lantern or Thor and gives it a pretty good polish. The armor design is the best I have ever seen (It puts Transformers to shame and I will admit that the Autobots and Decepticons were well done) and the animation of the suit itself looks excellent so far. Add in Iron Monger, who looks VERY imposing as a villain although The Mandarin would have been better (Always there for the sequel) and you have a very good set of ground work. The cast is chock full of great acting chops from Terrance Howard (Who will hopefully become War Machine in this or the sequel) and Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stone so just in terms of name it looks to have “Batman Begins” quality of acting. The plot seems feasible which is a stretch for a comic book movie but all of the events seem probable. All in all, it is a good framework for a comic book blockbuster.
Why It Could Suck: Iron Man is marketable in terms of a deep character (Tony Stark, the greatest drunk since Frank Sinatra) and an interesting set of tech that SCREAMS cross-promotion. However, Iron Man also has the least room for error when it comes to plot. This movie isn’t in the position of X-Men or Spiderman where you could mix camp with over the top action. When it all breaks down, the concept of Iron Man is like the concept of Batman except with better toys. At the core it is a man that wants to protect the people around him so they gather the abilities (Whether physically or technological) to do so and in the end become heroes. This movie has to have a spot on plot and correct pacing or it could fall into The Hulk trap of being long and non-linear. It could fall into the Spiderman 3 problem of being too much in the extremes (It was either over the top emo or borderline Benny Hill campiness) of the character of Tony Stark. Not only that, Iron Man has nowhere near the following that the other Marvel movies have had (But more so than Daredevil and Ghost Rider) so people are watching this solely on the armor and the performance of the characters so both have to be on point.
Overall Preview Grade: 8.5 Out of 10 Stars
(Iron Man has probably the least margin of error of all the blockbusters this summer, especially the bevy of comic book movies being released. It also has the largest upside because it can appeal to more markets than the rest of the movies being released. Aside from Wall-e, this could end up being the biggest movie of the summer or the biggest bomb. The margin is that slim.)
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Skull Crystal
Release Date: May 22nd, 2008
Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LeBeouf, Cate Blanchett
Why It Could Rule: It’s MOTHERFUCKING INDIANA JONES!! It has been over 15 years since the last movie was released and it was not a fitting end in my honest opinion. So Indy returns on another adventure and from what the trailers have shown not only has it kept the feel of the original it has taken very well to the sands of time. Harrison Ford looks like he started filming the next day after the last day of “The Last Crusade” and the CGI and sets look up to par with anything that has been released recently such as 10,000 BC or Beowulf. The movie has pulled in a very capable cast to go along with what seems to be a very adventurous film.
Why It Could Suck: You know, I think this movie could fall into the “Bad Boys II Trap.” That means that this movie could be SO over the top that it actually gets annoying to watch. We all remember how Will Smith and Martin Lawrence invaded Cuba. Let alone the international incident that would have caused, the last 20 minutes of that movie was so overdone that I kind of tuned out. This movie COULD do the exact same thing. Anything with George Lucas involved will have an element of suck that can’t be denied, as well. I am rather sick of Shia as well, but that is another post.
Overall Preview Grade: 8 Out of 10 Stars
(This movie is probably the safest bet of all the summer blockbusters not part of the Chronicles of Narnia ump-tilogy. This movie will be a hit based on nostalgia alone but there is a really high chance for an overblown sequel in the vein of…all three of the last Star Wars films. Don’t put it past George Lucas to put an Ewok or two in here)
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Release Date: June 6th, 2008
Starring: Adam Sandler….yeah, I don’t like where this is heading.
Why It Could Rule: Well, after Big Daddy I am willing to give Adam Sandler a CHANCE in comedies starring only him. I have learned to not do that, but this looks like it could be funnier than usual. In no way the funniest movie of the summer but by golly it will be the most original. It is your standard not to overpowering but good for an off-week between blockbusters comedy.
Why It Could Suck: Did you SEE the trailer? This is like Soul Plane for Jews. Or something, I don’t know anymore. It just doesn’t look “summer funny” like Superbad or 40 Year Old Virgin. Hell, it isn’t even Bruce Almighty funny. It looks to be a good mid-day viewing but I am not paying full price for a half-assed comedy.
Overall Preview Grade: 6 Out of 10 Stars
(This is in no way going to be great but it isn’t going to be HORRIBLE. However with a summer of no less that 5 legitimate blockbusters this doesn’t look like it has what it takes to compete with the others. Maybe the fourth best comedy of the summer….MAYBE)
The Incredible Hulk
Release Date: June 13th, 2008
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth
Why It Could Rule: Just by the fact that Ang Lee isn’t on the same continent makes it automatically better. This version of the Hulk is actually based off the TV show which means that it puts it in a different category altogether. Rather than the tragic and misunderstood monster, HULK SMASH! But feel emotion. The Hulk actually looks more streamlined and The Abomination is a formidable foe, albeit not as cool as Iron Monger. The cast is….interesting as Edward Norton to me seems more a fit for Reed Richards than Bruce Banner but that is just me. The plot seems to be more of a fit than the Ang Lee one and from the trailers it looks like an awesome chase film. Like The Hulk meets The Bourne Trilogy.
Why It Could Suck: The Hulk is still fresh in my mind as one of the most BORING comic book movies ever. I mean seriously, it was bad. Aside from the impressive visuals (Which have been blown away tenfold since in other movies) there was no redeeming quality about that movie. With that being said, it is very easy to fuck up a Hulk movie because every second he ISNT smashing something is a wasted second as far as I am concerned. Revamping the origin (I believe) isn’t a good move because they could have kept the ending and just began the chase from there giving prime time to wreck shop. By reinventing the origin they kill a lot of action and that will tune off a lot of people. Also, I really don’t think Liv Tyler should be allowed to be in movies. At all.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(Now this could go up to about a 9 depending on how well they can redo the origin and incorporate that into an action packed movie but I don’t see it getting any higher unless it completely blows the doors off the theater with its awesomeness. This movie has to work HARD to wash the taste of the first one out as well as compete with three better comic book movies IMHO)
Get Smart
Release Date: June 20th, 2008
Starring: Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson
Why It Could Rule: There is a lot of summertime action power here in The Rock and Steve Carrell. Steve has proven that he can be funny with the worst material (Evan Almighty) but he hasn’t really been in a comedic action role. Luckily he has The Rock to bail him out who is a master at this kind of thing. Although it is a remake (WHICH I HATE) it still has Anne Hathaway and her fine self in the movie so it has its perks already.
Why It Could Suck: You know, it just doesn’t look all that funny. It is supposed to be action packed and I hope it is because Get Smart by itself doesn’t stand alone as a movie. Even with the star power it has, I don’t see this movie being up there with some of the other films coming out.
Overall Preview Grade: 7 Out of 10 Stars
(This is a movie that will be a good break after The Incredible Hulk but in the end will get lost in the shuffle. Remakes are always hard to make good and this will be no exception. That and I am still pissed about Bewitched)
Wanted
Release Date: June 27th, 2008
Starring: James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Common
Why It Could Rule: This movie is based off a little know comic by the same name which gives it a leg up on the competition because no one is MENTIONING IT. I believe that is what killed some of the awesomeness that was Sin City because it was hyped as a graphic novel and that type of storytelling needs to be worked into a movie in a way that the normals can get. This is being hyped like a Bourne meets Mission Impossible movie which will help out a lot. The strongest part of this movie is the cast. Aside from the mis-casting of Angelina Jolie as the main female (She was Black in the comic) all the characters fit their roles perfectly. The plot is (For the most part) lifted straight from the comic which RULED and was built for the big screen, rather than taking characters and building a plot for the masses.
Why It Could Suck: A movie about a hitman has a lot of bad points. Mainly the “hero” is a murderer and people frown upon that. Secondly, the action looks a tad bit Matrix-y and that doesn’t fit the comic book and may give a wannabe Neo feel to the movie. Also, the film has been hyped but nowhere near its competition which will put it at a disagvantage. Angelina Jolie’s jubblies are not enough to sell a movie. See: Beowulf.
Overall Preview Grade: 7.5 Out of 10 Stars
(This could end up being a sleeper hit but for the most part it looks to be an average action movie. I don’t see this pulling a Live Free or Die Hard and just rocking my face off but it should be a good watch. Overall, it looks like it will be above average but I could be wrong)
Hellboy II AKA Hellboy & The Golden Army
Release Date: July 11th, 2008
Starring: Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair
Why It Could Rule: Now I am a bit biased because I liked the original Hellboy but after seeing the trailer for this movie before The Forbidden Kingdom I can say flat out that this will be the most visually stimulating movie of 2008. HANDS DOWN. Guillermo Del Toro has helped in creating a visual world that fits what Hellboy would actually be in. The plot is straight from the books (I believe) and the atmosphere seems to match that. My god, it looks BEAUTIFUL. The scenery goes from majestic to downright creepy and it fits to a tee. I felt that the first Hellboy was out of its element and looks kind of hokey although I like the plot and it actually had some good character development. Overall, I believe that the atmosphere and the douche of a villain (We are talking at Sephiroth levels here) make this a sure hit…hopefully.
Why It Could Suck: The first Hellboy did WELL, but not as well as the comic book movies before it. I personally feel the criticisms were unfair but true. The movie was out of its element as it tried to integrate a full fantasy world into a real life setting and in some cases it worked very well (plot-wise) but in others it did not (Visually, it looked out of place). Some will find the locals and backdrops very Pan’s Labyrinth-like and that movie itself was an acquired taste as well. Quite simple, Hellboy 2 isn’t a mass market comic book movie and that will hurt it.
Overall Preview Grade: 9 Out of 10 Stars
(I am aiming high with this movie but I believe that this grade will be well worth it. I think this will be the best movie of the summer overall in terms of visuals, plot, action and substance but I fell most people will either be scared or turned off but the characters which are the standard hot fare that the summer brings. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!)
The Dark Knight
Release Date: July 18th, 2008
Starring: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman (You know what, let’s just give this movie 15 stars and call it a year)
Why It WILL Rule: Did you see the cast? Read it again….I’ll wait. You see that? This movie is badass on the actors alone. Heath Ledger has The Joker NAILED in the trailers while we get to look more into the Batman mythos in this film. The addition of Twoface (MAYBE) in Aaron Eckhart as a villain follows in the Batman vein and means that this will be fucking awesome. The tech has stepped it up big time while the retelling of The Joker origin is enough by itself to see this movie. As great as Batman Begins was, this movie will blow that out of the water.
How It COULD Suck: Expectations of this movie are high. VERY HIGH. After Superman Returns (Which I liked….when I was awake) did blow fans away like Batman Begins did, The Dark Knight is the measuring stick on whether a JLA movie will be made because that is the only place left to go. People are not obly expecting a great comic book movie but a great movie in general and that is hard praise to live up to. This could either be The Empire Strikes Back where it redefines the genre as a whole or it could be The Matrix Reloaded and be a disappointment to us all. Just not me.
Overall Preview Grade: 10 Out of 10 Stars
(Yes, you knew that was coming. But in all honesty there is almost NO WAY this movie could be bad if you have even the slightest care about Batman or movies in general. From the look and feel of Gotham to the performances of the actors so far to even the plot itself. This movie has the pieces to be the best movie of not only 2008, but the best sequel EVER. Yes, I went there)
There are some more movies to cover like Wall-e (Which I think will be the biggest movie of the summer because of its rating), Hancock, Pineapple Express, X-Files 2 and Meet Dave and I will go over them probably next week if not next Sunday before the release of IRON MAN! Got, that movie is going to rule. This summer I will be at your local movie house pretty much every Friday and Denver every Saturday at a Rockies game. It will be summertime…in the CSP:
Heh, I kicks it old school. I will try to be back in the middle of the week (Wednesday or Thursday before the Countdown) with a new post. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
