What is up peeps! We have now officially entered the dog days of summer with only “Hairspray” (Zac Efron is a hawtie batottie!), “The Simpsons” and “Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix” (Which I think I am going to see Wednesday night if anyone is interested in tagging along) coming out in July. Although everything is a downer after
“Transformers” and “Live Free or Die Hard” but still.
So I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I am getting old. My ten year high school reunion is coming up next year (that’s going to suck balls) and I really need to find a job that sends me to fucking Norway or something because I really don’t have the want or need to relive high school, albeit for one shitty night. The ONLY good thing about high school is that it ended for about six months or so because once I got into the workplace I realized that corporate America is just high school with company accepted smoke breaks and “workforce reductions”. It’s bad enough that I have to sit back and look at the fucktards that walk around with their headset on…when they aren’t on the phone (How fucking pretentious is that? I’m so on the go, I can’t leave my work at my desk! It doesn’t make you look cool, you look like a rejected member of O-Town, you assclown), but the last thing I need is to see the stereotypical high school a-holes grown up Milk ad style (big ups to those that remember the old school “when I get older” milk ads!) as I zone out to Abingdon Boys School (my only solace in the hellhole that is The Pack). Hell, the usual gang if idiots are still here:
Jocks: Fantasy Football Buffs
WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!! Ahh…priceless. Now I likes me some fantasy football but I don’t live vicariously through my picks or say “Dude, I played three years of JV football, I think I know that Randy Moss is going to have a breakout year! Oh, and these are the guys that are always WAAAAAY to into company outings. Spiking the volleyball on a little kid, spearing the guy in the wheelchair. You’ve seen them. Like Uncle Rico from “Napoleon Dynamite” without the personality.
Cheerleader: Dumb Pretty Girl.
You have seen her. Sure she is hot (Or as Zach would say “Best Buy Hot” meaning she is hot compared to her shrew-like competition) but she also as dumb as a box of flathead screwdrivers. Usually has big-boobs and blond but can’t speak without ending her sentances like a question and is obviously there because she has two Cambodian midgets in her shirt. That usually are bought by her boyfriend/fiancé that is in middle management and got her the job anyway. The sad part is that she (usually) is a nice person but has the depth of a Chipotle burrito bowl and is respected just as much. But she is pretty, so she gets away with murder. Sometimes literally.
Nerds: IT guys.
Yeah, I know I am almost there but the problem is…they haven’t changed. They still wear the same “Linux Inside” t-shirts and always talk about how much better open-source is and blah blah blah yakkity smackity. They don’t bathe and can only relate to other IT nerds, just like the D&D nerds in high school/college. What is worse is that I am most like them over anyone else so sadly we talk which brings my already low point total DOWN TO THE GROUND FLOOR.
Slutty Chicks: Still Slutty Chicks.
This is mean, but you know what I noticed? If a female is a slut in high school that does the “extra effort” to get that B+ instead of an F, she usually is the office slut that puts in a little “overtime” to get that job or that slight raise. Not that there is anything wrong with that (If I was hot enough and I had a female boss, I’d show a little bit of “company loyalty” if you know what I mean. And I mean sex) but it is what it is. Sooner or later, you can’t get any higher by lifting your skirt higher. Much like the cheerleader, they can sometimes be nice people (Hell, I knew two in college and they were awesome. Problem was that their English and Biology teachers thought they were “awesome” too) just not sure how to get ahead any other way. Like actually having knowledge and talent not related to cupping balls. Well you get in where you fit in. Heh, unintentional.
Bros: Bros.
I get mad a lot at work, but unless it is related to me not getting jobs for no reason (another rant altogether) I usually let things that bug me at work slide because the workplace can suck it dry. However, the influx of bros at work is really beginning to cause a problem. Mainly because now they are “brazenly bro.” You can’t se thugs wear do-rags, long chains and Timbs in corporate American locations but bros can flip their collars up, wear their sandals & shorts (which is SO business casual) and say “shaaaa!” to customers (no shit, I heard it in my two days at T-Mobile). I swear, if I have to hear another jeep blare “Ants Marching” (I really thought DMB was a stereotype. It’s fucking true) while bros go over and “bro out” while playing Frisbee golf which is the GAYEST GAME IN GAYVILLE, I will have to kill someone. Bros belong in frat houses and keggers, not the workplace.
Mean Girls/Plastics: Uh…I Guess A Bitch (Not a fan of the word).
Yeah, I went there. You can ask Kimmy about me and the first thing they will say is “asshole” and to that I have to say…yeah. However, I know that life is not a battlefield. Love; most definitely. But you cannot be pissed off all the damn time (I’m in the 75% range now. I have mellowed out a lot). I never understand how anyone at a workplace can say “I am better than you” when you are doing the EXACT SAME JOB. You aren’t better than anyone, you are their fucking peer. For no apparent reason, there is some workplace cattiness with women that causes them to become totally evil to each other. Just like in high school when rumors were spread about a girl just because a clique didn’t like her. You know what ladies? The shit doesn’t change and I don’t know why. Rumors still fly, except when you get older it gets worse because money and careers are involved. I don’t start rumors about bros, I just ignore them or diss them to their face (Like Nolan, Zach and I did in the elevator at D&B on Saturday. They got bro served, but not in the way they wanted). I swear, high school really never ends because women were the exact same in high school if I remember correctly (and college to a certain extent).
Preppy Rich Boys: The OC Crew.
Now these guys are an interesting breed. At first glance, they look like the evolution of bros. However, bros can’t reproduce with all the raping going on so that’s not possible. These guys are the ones that their dads are executives for the company (Or so TOTALLY own a dealership and will hook you up) and got them in at a middle level early. They ride that train to upper-lower-upper-middle management (The dream of anyone at a corporation) and all of a sudden are the second coming of George Clooney. Remember that dude in high school whose parents bought them a car while they were sophomores and they totally threw the biggest party of the summer than you weren’t invited to? Well he grew up, OC style. Now the fucktard is your supervisor because he skimmed through three management books and his parents hooked him up. Not complaining because a large percentage of people are in their job because of a hook-up. Even still, the OC Crew should not be allowed in the workplace.
And then you have the “Cogs” as I call them. If you don’t fit into one of these, you are in the grand scheme of things a cog. In high school, B students make the school work. They keep the test scores from being to low as the jocks and stupid people bring them down (Their grades also counteract the nerds high scores) and keep attendance up by showing up about 85% percent of the time. Without them, the school would go haywire because they are the pieces that make it a well oiled machine, even though the school never runs to their liking. Just like in the workplace. Employees that show up and do their job, only taking two weeks (or less in my case) of vacation and keeping the ship running make the workplace work. Not middle-management (Who do nothing but just get on the deck and say “Shits going fine!”), not the nerds (Who usually make more because “nearshored” nerds are more cost efficient), not the sluts or pretty people. Not even the bitches or bros, although they do make good lunchtime fun and afterwork drinking fodder. It is the people that no one pays attention to because they aren’t total a-holes. They have the personality and the leadership skills which means they are held down because if there is one thing that places with a predefined structure (high school, corporate workplace, Wal-Mart) HATE it is real leadership and personality. Much like intelligence is kryptonite for religion, true leadership destroys predefined structure because it is usually broken. That is that.
I am trying to find a good tennis video game. I have been playing Namco’s Smash Court Pro Tournament 2 for the PS2 because I haven’t really heard anything about Top Spin 2 or Virtua Tennis 3 for the X-Box360 (Although I played VT3 at Dave & Buster’s on Saturday and I still rock the box. Want to pick that up but I gots to save up). Smash Court 3 is out for the PSP, but I aint buying that thing for one game. I have no idea why I like tennis games so much, I guess it is the Pong in me. For anyone out there that plays any game like this (Where it is you against the computer, usually in sports, racing or fighting), why is there always ONE PLAYER/TEAM/FIGHTER you can’t beat without breaking a controller? In NCAA 2007 it was the Florida Gators (Understandable, I was Georgia so it fits). In the Tekken series, it was Ling Xiaoyu:
I DESPISE that her. In Smash Court Tennis 2, it is Kim Clijisters. I can defeat Serena Williams, Jennifer Capriati (Who used to be my nemesis) and Justine Henin with no problem. But when it comes to Kim, I just CANNOT WIN! It isn’t fair! I have won three straight Grand Slam titles and I can’t beat her?! Not just tourneys, GRAND SLAMS. Three straight Australian Opens, French Opens Wimbledon’s and three US Opens, not including the three I have won this year minus the US Open in which I CANT BEAT KIM CLIJISTERS IN THE QUARTERFINALS!
As a matter of fact, I have a record of 318-24 over seven years in the game (44-4 a year average, not too shabby IMHO). Keep in mind I have been undefeated the last three seasons, but of my 24 losses do you know how many are to Kim? Seven. Exactly one third of my losses are to her. Keep in mind that Capriati beat me I think nine times but that was in my first two years and I didn’t have a plan past “GO GET EM!” Even still, she constantly pushes to the brink of anger like no one else. She doesn’t do anything specifically well aside from…piss me off. She doesn’t overpower me, she doesn’t outrun me and she can’t serve for shit. So why is she the ONLY PLAYER that can handle the barrage that is my created character?! Don’t even get me started on Roger Federer. That dude shoved his racquet up my characters ass in the French Open final yesterday. I mean all the way up, his lungs say “Prince” and his kidneys say “Nike.” Yeah…he wedged his foot in there, too.
Well, it is time for lunch. I will try to be back this week at some point; odds are to rant about the Playstation 3’s price drop. About six months too late, mind you. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out.
