What is up, peeps! It is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning and I just came back in to drop some knowledge on ya’ll! First off, as many of you know (and fewer of you care) I went to see “Kickin It Old Skool” on Friday (by myself because my life is ‘teh suck’) and on Saturday because it ruled that much. Now, it is so time for a funky fresh edition of…
MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD: Pop N Lock Edition!
This Week: Kickin’ It Old Skool!
So for those of you that don’t know, this movie is about a break dancing 12-year old that during a competition he performs a move to humiliate his nemesis on the dancefloor and….busts his head, ending up in a coma for 20 years. He then wakes up in a world where hip-hop is no longer about the hippin and the hoppin, it is about the cars with rims and ladies not wearing any clothes.
First off, the whole opening segment kicks the ass with toys from Transformers, He-Man, Indian In The Cupboard (FUCK YES! THAT BOOK RULED!), Micro Machines from Galoob, MicroNaughts and of course the mightily crappy Go-Bots. That in itself was worth the trip. The biggest hilarity of this movie is the absurd possibility of the plot. For all its outlandishness…it was totally possible for a group of 32-year old men to reform a hip-hop dance crew and achieve their dreams of being professional break-dancers. I mean, if I had enough heart and soul to go out and quit my job and achieve my dreams, A2B would never have broken up and we would be singing ballads to hot Argentinian chicks rather than me reviewing this movie. Deep stuff.
This movie…was hilarious. There were jokes on the n-word, child abduction (it is funny in context, trust me) and man-boob grabbing. The performance of Michael Rosenbaum was fucking laugh out loud hilarious. From the pointless showing of his chest (?) to the subtle side comments (nothing like a well placed BURN!) he played the perfect villain to Jamie Kennedy. Maria Menudos was HAWT in this, albeit she did the worst acting job of the bunch. Well, it was okay but her first scene in the movie was laughable. I’m talking ‘MY FATHER DIDN’T STRUT’ laughable from Harry Potter. However, looking at that smile kind of negates shitty acting.
The real star of this movie is Cole. Who is Cole, you ask? Well, Cole was the leader of the Iced Cole Crew played by Jesse Brown. As a member of The Groove Crew, he taught America how to dance in DJ Dizzy's Dance Hizzy. In this movie, he STAYS straight serving fools! From his funky fresh dance moves to his HILARIOUS performance as Cole (You can dance in a video game….but can you dance in the streets?) actually stole the show for me. Trust me, if you don’t laugh at his spoof on Wade from “You Got Served” then you don’t know funny.
Speaking of ‘You Got Served’ this movie actually wasn’t bad as a parody in the dance department. Everyone has some skill, even the Funky Fresh Boys who are older and more out of shape than I am. Even the ‘krumpers’ (which I CANNOT STAND, its just Black people moshing) had some skill. Albeit it is not a serious movie, it does add a little having a true dance battle. Oh, and any training montage in a dancing movie is a welcome addition. Oh, and REO SPEEDWAGON, FOOLS! WHAT!!
All in all, the movie was good but it wasn’t without its faults. The humor was hit or miss, there are a few small plot holes (only two for the most part) and it actually ran a little long for a movie of this type. Overall, a fun time if you were in to break-dancing or the 80’s but be forewarned that it is not for kids (a lot of man ass and questionable word choices) and the non-nostalgia jokes are few and far between. Oh, and there is no Bob Saget, which loses half a star. Adding everything up, Kickin It Old Skool gets….
7.5 Out of 10 Stars!!!
(Funny stuff, funky fresh dancing, but hit or miss humor. Oh, but did I mention that Maria Menudos has a smile that could tame a ranging bear? Yeah, not a fan of the skinniness but I loves her smile Shanice style. Good movie if you are down for the b-boy stance. Peeps REPRESENT!)
Oh, and I have statement to make. Downtown Colorado Springs can eat it. First off, every club sucks. It is like a makeshift downtown Denver, and that aint saying much because downtown Denver sucks and is filled with too many White people. Colorado Springs is the exact same way, except for 50 Cent (who hasn’t even had new fucking work in a year or so) and more bros. Oh, and ladies: you DRESS UP to go to a club, not UNDRESS to go to a club. Wear some fucking clothes, have some damn class. I like every man is interested in the female anatomy. Just not in public during an Akon song.
Oh, and another thing that pissed me off. I went to Blondie’s (whatever in the fuck THAT is) with Zach and as we came in, the door douche asked for me to tuck my shirt in. I was cool with that, albeit a club in a shithole like Colorado Springs shouldn’t have a dress code anyway but rules are rules. He also after a pause asks Zach to do the same thing. As I am walking through this club and seeing the ugly…UGLY people of the CSP I notice something: NO ONE ELSE HAS THEIR SHIRT TUCKED IN. No one. Not nary a person. Hell, there was a white guy in a WIFE BEATER AND AN UNBUTTONED SHIRT WITH TATTOOS yet this fucker is concerned with my shirt being untucked. Fuck that shit.
Now I am no Polo Hilfiger-Jordache model but I believe I dress rather well. Tan dress shirt, pressed blue jeans with tan leather shoes to me is SOMEWHAT fashionable. Yet, there were people dressed like migrant workers there. Oh, and their shirts were untucked too. I don’t like to say it was racist (More than likely that was the case with only one other Black person in the club PERIOD. And his shirt was tucked in) but I will say it was fucking clownshoes. If your dress code is tucked in shirts, that is fine. Just say so. I have no problem with that. But if you ask ME to tuck in my shirt in an establishment full of white males that are either dressed a lot worse than I or have their shirts out that is bullshit. Utter and complete bullshit. If he just wanted to say I had a weapon, pat me down. If I wasn’t dressed correctly for a club (which I was, overdressed compared to 40% of the male clientele) he should have said so. Instead, Blondie’s just lost a patron. Fuck downtown Colorado Springs, fuck it in its stupid ear.
God, this is just beginning to piss me off. My life is hitting shitty levels of fall of 2006 when I got laid off or winter 2003 when my life completely went to shit (Get me drunk enough and I will SO tell you about it, just be prepared to feel an assault of obscenities like you have never heard before), albeit my own damn fault. Eh, it is just a rough patch. It is a good time for the revolution to come back; I can focus my anger to something constructive. Don’t worry, the Chachi will get it together at some point. There are people who are hurting worse than I am and this is dedicated to them:
Feel better, kiddo. Until the Chachi returns, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
