Oh boy! A double header!!

Alrighty, peeps. I would like to get to the second half of Chachi's Top 20 Ladies, but first I must get something off my chest. I forgot to rant about this yesterday and this morning (mainly because I was fricking tired) but meter maids can officially lick my taint. I am sick and tired of getting parking tickets at the most asinine times. The first one I got was last year when I went to Rumbay (ooohhhh, the fucking fun!) at 9:45pm and I received a ticket. AT 9:45 PM! How in the hell does that happen? It was a 25 dollar ticket at a time I had no idea they gave them! Then yesterday at lunch I got one in the middle of the afternoon (around 12:30). ON A SATURDAY. First off, why would you charge to park in a second-rate (hell, third rate) city on a weekend? Dicks. To make it even worse, I got there at about 11:45 and there was 40 minutes in the meter. I was shocked someone paid on a weekend and left it at that. That means the officer WAITED by my car until the meter ran out. Catch rapist or a terrorist, asshat. Just fucking stupid.

Anyway, back to the Top 20. We have entered the Top 10, which means that I think all these women are beautiful. Now you will notice some omissions. Here are some that are not (and will not) ever be on any list of mine:

Eva Longoria
Angelina Jolie
Charlize Theron
Jennifer Lopez (P. Diddy AND Ben Affleck? Aw, hell naw!)
Anyone else that Maxim, AskMen or FHM had in their Top 100

Why? Because being attractive and being beautiful (IMHO) are two different things. Being attractive is one thing, usually visual. Some people have an attractive personality or attitude, but being attractive is a singe trait. To me, being beautiful is a combination of several traits that make up a perfect person. Like I have stated before, I have never met any of these women so I don't know them enough to judge their character or say 'that's wife material' (except #1. I'd marry that woman HELLA QUICK). With that being said I do believe, from what I have seen from them in all points that they are great people (and not too shabby, either) and deserve my respect. And to be stack ranked like the BCS Rankings. Anyway, back to the countdown. We start at number ten with a no-brainer.

#10 Halle Berry

Now this is the biggest AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH moment in the history of the world. It doesn't matter where she is at on this little post, she is the ultimate. Even when she played a crack head in Jungle Fever, she was still beautiful. I also think her performance in Losing Isiah was a VERY underrated performance, and sure as HELL better than Monster's Ball. If was a fucking shame Halle had to show her jubblies and Denzel had to just show the hell out to get Oscars. Disturbing. Even still, she made Gothika worth watching. GOTHIKA. She was even sexy in Catwoman (which I have seen 8 minutes. The worst 8 minutes of my life), and we know how hard that would be. All in all, this is a given because I don't care what anyone says, Halle is just an all-round beauty and SEEMS to be a nice person. I mean who HASNT committed a hit and run? Oh, and she had the sense to leave Eric Benet. I will NEVER understand that brainfart. Anyway, she's awesome. Next is someone I debated for a while putting above Halle. Next we have...

# 9 Jessica Biel

You know, Jessica Biel has always been very attractive in my eyes. Even more so than some of the other actresses in her era (Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen, Kirsten Dunst, etc), but what I really dig about her is...you guessed it. Her eyes are stunning. Not as deep as Nelly Furtado but still, they are just great. Secondly, she is suprisingly funny. Not Tina Fey funny but quick on her toes. That to me is hella sexy. A woman that can ad lib or come up with a joke/comeback at the drop of a dime makes for great conversation. I have always said that you can have an intelligent conversation with a significant other, you are in some deep trouble. She seems like a good talker and I likes that. Like I said, I am a weird dude. Combine that with...well she is hot, and you have a very beautiful lady that I would like to take for a nice walk and maybe to a coffee shop. Yeah, I'm a geek. Now, time for the shocker.

#8 Jackie Guerrido

You know what. I just want you to watch this:

I will be the first to tell you: I like that boo-twah. Jackie Guerrido has a BOOOOOO-TWAAAH. I don't believe in objectifying women (although, in its purist form, isn't ranking them objectifying them? The more you know...) but C'MON! Jackie is damn fine! To top it off, she speaks SPANISH, the language of 'hell yeah'! Every evening is a good evening when Jackie is giving the weather. Man, this is getting intense. Next we have...

#6 Mandy Moore

Okay, this is where the names get either unfamiliar or receive a 'bwaaaaah?' Let me first say this. Mandy Moore has a gorgeous smile. Just goddamn perfect. It is weird because I am not a fan of the Barbie doll, 'pop tart' (not my words) look but she pulls it off. I have only heard a few of her songs (I will admit, I like Crush and I Want To Be With You from Center Stage, which didn't completely suck it hard) but I am SO a fan of her acting. If you have not seen Saved! or American Dreamz, you are missing out on to of the best comedic performances in a long time, especially Saved! which sticks it to Christians. We all know how much I love to see that. What is really cool is that she is naturally funny (you can tell when she does Mad TV, which isn't funny at ALL) and seems to be a genuinely nice person. Just so nice you want to wrap her up and give her to yourself like Master Shake did with the mail order bride. Quite simply, Mandy Moore is just wonderful. Sigh, I'm all a flutter.

Time for a commercial break!

CROSS-FIY-AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Yeah!

Well, back to our show.

#5 Vida Guerra

Okay, you knew she was coming it was just a matter of when. There is nothing to explain. NOTHING. It's Vida. I have a real issue with her being reportedly as dumb as a brick, but that has yet to be verified. If it is true, that moves her down A LOT because she already has Chalice tattoo and enhanced jubblies and those are usually no no's for me (especially having a tattoo near your hoo-hah. That is ground zero). However, in true Duece fashion, she has a boo-twah. Frr the Duece that trumps a lot of stuff. For the Chachi, that means jack shit if she is a fucking mouth-breather. Either way, she is up here and she stays for now. Besides....look at that. Just...YES. Okay, I have a LOT of explaining to do with this one.

#4 BoA

Okay, first off she is 19 years old so leave those thoughts at the door. Second off, she is the only person other than Sowelu that makes me say kawaii without wanting to beat myself a la Silas in The Da Vinci Code. the weird think is much like Sowelu, I heard her voice before I saw her and I only saw her by accident. Anime fans know of the theme for Serial Experiments Lain (which I have still yet to see after the first 12 minutes of the first episode. I gotta get on that) Duvet was recorded by a group named Boa:

That song kicks ass. Anyway, I began looking for 'Boa' on LimeWire and ended up with BoA (Kwon) songs. They sounded nothing like the group but they had a pop feel to it and that was back during my anti-rap phase so I stuck with it. Then I actually saw her and yes I thought she was beautiful. She could sing, dance and speak four languages (Korean, Japanese, English and Chinese dialects). Dude, that is a geeks DREAM right there. Then I found La La Love Song with Soul'd Out and it was fricking over. It was full fledged smittenness (not a word, I know). I am honestly indifferent with the way people think about her (Griff, I am looking at you) she is beautiful and talented. Oh, and she can WORK a skirt.

Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. She is awesome. Down to three, peeps!

#3 Bennie K (Cico & Yuki)

Aw, hells yeah! Cico and Yuki make me want to become a Mormon! Not really, but these two ladies are teh awesome. Talented, beautiful and most importantly humble. After reading the translation of the Bennie K Show DVD, they are really down to earth about being (arguably) the biggest group in Japan right now. I'm talking bigger than Funkytown, peeps. FUNKYTOWN. That's real big. Yuki has a great voice (check out the live PV's posted from YouTube and her voice is just as impeccable on stage as it is on CD and Cico's rapping (not really GREAT, but still better than the majority of female rappers out now) meshes well to create a wonderful mix. Also add in the fact that they are very attractive young ladies (Especially Yuki. My god) and you have...well my Oasis. Yuki and Cico share number 3 and they share my heart. Wow, that is fucking cheesy. Eh, who cares. That's Bennie-frickin-K.

And then, there were two. And this is gonna be a shocker. Here we go, peeps.

#2 Shakira

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Before you flip out, I love Shakira. I love her voice and her music as a whole. She is a beautiful woman and she is FRICKING COLOMBIAN. You couldn't beat that if you wanted to. Even more than that, Shakira is an artist and she is bloody great songwriter to boot. Especially Estoy Aqui, one of my favorite songs of all time. And yet, there is something else about her...I can't quite put my finger on it...

Wow, that puts a stamp on it. Well, we are down to #1. Who is it? Well, here is Chachi's Most Beautiful Lady!

#1 Kate Winslet

Okay, why does Kate Winslet top Shakira? Well, first off she made Titanic watchable. That in itself shows that she is a team player because that movie was BAAAAAAAAAA-AD. Also, she looks so...real. Kate Winslet looks like a real woman, whether made up for a movie or in paparazzi photos. Just a natural looking beauty that really radiates. Also, she has a killer voice:

Congratulations, Kate. That concludes the Top 20. I'll do more random stuff every now and again when I have time. Oh, look at the bottom of the screen. I have some UVERworld and BoA for streaming. Take a listen, they kick the ass. Today's posts were pretty long, so I may not post tomorrow. Or I may. You gotta stay tuned! Must See Chachi, peeps. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Update: Do Americans butcher Japanese songs just to piss me off? I used to love Ike Ike. Until they translated into English.

Magic night, mini skirt, pretty girl?! What the fuck, man?! How dare you butcher a Para Para classic, you asshats! Man. Some things just need to be left alone.

Oh, and Nick Cannon is endorsing Boost Mobile. I guess the prophecy was right, I do have to eliminate him. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!

Get Ready, This One Is A Doozy.

What is up, peeps? Good morning to all! Finally got over four hours of sleep in one day...I got four and A HALF! I'm a regular damn Rip Van Winkle. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I know I wasn't for a while. But things are all good and I hope the blog will show it.

First off, to my two readers in Japan: Konichiwa! To my one reader in Austrailia: Goodday, mate! To my one reader in the Netherlands...um...hey, whats up? To everyone else, thanks for visiting. This blog is for the people, and you keep me doing it. It sucked balls to be doing this and have no one reading. I was in a hella groove in late-Feb and March. Feel free to take a look, especially at the Confederate Flag, female leads in cinema and Common Sense (probably my favorite) rants. And let's not forget Douchbrawl 2006! I want to thank everyone for voting for that, btw.

So I am boycotting Sprite again. It was bad enough that they took it upon themselves to use that racist ass Thirst doll (much like the PSP squirrels, just a really fucking ignorant campaign) which made me want to go Michael Douglas in Falling Down on the whole Coca Cola Corp. Now they have these stupid ass Apex Twin/Tool creepy video feel commercials that make no sense. As a captive audience in the theater yesterday (btw, The Break Up was not AS BAD as the critics made it out to be) I stat through one of these mindrape commercials and I must say that I will NEVER buy a Sprite again. You know, I can honestly say that very rarely has a commercial ever swayed me TO buy anything, but they quite often sway me to NOT buy something. I think that is how people are; as long as your product is good and you don't do something completely asinine in a commercial to piss off the consumer, they will buy your product. Advertisers need to take note on that little gem of advice.

With that said, I think I'm gonna start the Top 20 today! What can I say, I'm a giver. Okay, for the readers that look at this instead of working (and you know who you are) I will try to keep the pictures as clean as possible. No need for a Diversity issue because people can't accept a beautiful woman. Also, a disclaimer:

This is in no way shape or form meant to degrade, objectify or belittle women. This is just a list of women that I find attractive and I am putting them up here in an order that is actually rather open. Aside from the #1, they are all winners in my book. Some of these women you may have heard of, some (well, the majority) you may not. I find them to be beautiful, talented and all around nice people. Which is why Jessica Alba ain't on here. Get caught ONE time trying to mail yourself to her and she gets all wigged out. Geez. Let's get started at #20:

#20 Aishwarya Rai

Not gonna lie, I STILL know very little about her. The only body of work I know her from is Bride and Prejudice, and Jane Austen SUCKS. That's right I said it. The movie itself was rather 'bleh' but her acting was okay. I won't lie, I had no idea what the rest of her looked like for about two years (a friend of mine in college had her face as his wallpaper and I didnt know her name) because those eyes...wow. I love eyes. Beautiful eyes can trump out the fact you keyed my car because you were totally drunk and couldnt stand up to put the key in the door. Ooohh, did I say that out loud? Anyway, she is a very stunning woman and has maybe the more striking eyes I have ever see. Nope, someone else on here does. You gotta stay tuned! Next up, at #19 is...

#19 Tina Fey

Alright, I am sick of explaining this one. There is very little on this planet that is sexier than a socially concious and funny woman. A sense of humor, whether it be generic or topical is very appealing to me. I mean if you are a funny lady, you have my heart unless you do something like LITERALLY rip out my liver and eat it. Even still, if you make a good joke out of it it could still work. I think that Tina is very funny and has a presence of beauty that is different from a lot of other women in comedy. I won't lie to you, I thought she was damn fine in Mean Girls. I will stand by that and strike you down with my anger and love for her if you disagree. Next on the list is someone that you know of if you read the blog. A great singer and an all-round great lady.

#18 Sowelu

For the non-readers, Sowelu is a Japanese singer that has done many of my favorite songs (I Will and Dear Friend for starters). For starters, and the first thing I noticed was her voice. Not seeing her untill late 2004, I fell in love with that voice hella quick back when I was downloading Full Metal Alchemist (where I first heard I Will) when I finally saw the PV for it, all I could say was WOW. I will tell you something. CHECK OUT THAT SMILE.

I would fight a bear covered in honey for that woman. That smile is just so...warm and inviting. Not sexually, you assholes. Like genuinely kind and inviting. Just damn sexy. Combine that with her eyes and the fact she is like 5'2" in heels (KAWAII!! Shit, now I have to kill myself) and she is damn near perfect. I have heard (and poorly translated) interviews and she just sounds like such a sweetheart. Man, I'm getting misty eyed. Talk amoungst yourselves....here is number 17....

#17 Adriana Lima

Um....yeah. Watch this. Not safe for work at all. It will melt your computer.

Nuff Said. Next!

#16 Winona Ryder

Okay, this came out of left field. Very few people know that I have a soft spot in my heart for Winona. Ever since Edward Scissorhands and Mermaids (yes, I watched Mermaids and I loved it. Fuck you if you can't adjust) I have been like 'Wooooooooooow' about the former Miss Depp. She kind of has an elf thing going, which i guess appeals to the geek in me. Also, the whole shoplifting thing was awesome. Just like women and their dumbass 'bad boy complex' I have a bad girl complex. I will be the first to admit, she needs a damn tan. Aside from that, she is beautiful in my eyes. Next is no suprise to anyone, except maybe the position.

#15 Natalie Portman

Mmmmm....Padme. I love Natalie Portman. I don't know what it is, I cannot explain it. Something about her makes me smile, just like kittens do. Yet, as you read yesterday, she is dating (supposedly) Jake Gylldenhall. And I just cannot deal with that. That cost her about 10 spots, literally. Sometimes I can be hella petty. Next!

#14 Nelly Furtado

YES. The most beautiful eyes on the PLANET (aside Cillian Murphy. Yes, CILLIAN MURPHY. Creepy eyes but my GOD if I was a chick I would SO HIT THAT) belong to this woman. I remember the day I heard I'm Like Bird and hating it. I mean really just couldn't stand it. After a while (and a certain woman playing it every FUCKING DAY FIVE TIMES A DAY) the song grew on me and I bought the album from the campus store. All I could say was WOW. Just RADIANT. Yep, I am a walking thesaurus when it comes to eye descriptions, I love them. Anyway, ever since I have been a fan of the music and a fan of her period. She has a natural (and like Jessica Alba, racially ambigous) look to her that is just awesome. And FTW, her voice is awesome. Next on the list...

#13 Scarlett Johansen

Okay, this is where the list gets weird. You see, I find Scarlett very attractive (WELL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!) but at the same time, I have heard reports that she is an utter and complete bitch, which is a BIG NO NO for me. However, I have heard reports that she is a totally kick-ass chick so I am not sure on which way to go with that one. All of that aside, you saw the Golden Globes. The girl is damn fine. The whole raspy voice thing works in her favor, too. Only bad thing about her is she is blonde (I fucking can't stand blondes, ask my why and I will tell you with a few drinks in me) and she is kind of a mouth-breather. Think Napolean Dynamite. Even still, she is hella hot and on here. Tsugi!

#12 Christina Milian

Okay, I have learned from experience that you can't hold the past against a woman. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to yourself because you could be missing out on a good thing because of your prejudices. Now, with that being said.....

NICK CANNON HIT DAT!!

I'm sorry, I know I don't like to hold the past of a woman against them. But Nick Cannon? Man, FUCK NICK CANNON! That nigga ain't even funny! *Sigh* Even still, discounting that Christina is actually a very smart young lady (she told reportedly Ja Rule and 50 Cent to fuck off so she isnt a complete nitwit) and if interviews are any indication (and anyone who has done an interview knows that they could be utter and complete bullshit) she is actually very funny and down to earth. Now that phrase is tossed around a lot. Here is how I define it: not being Paris Hilton. Get it? Got It? Good. Next!

#11 Kumi Koda

Okay, I figured she would be higher too. Anyone that reads this knows that Kumi Koda and I need to be together like PB&J. That woman is on POINT. This is probably the ONLY time (and it bugs me to say it) that I can say that even if she had NO redeeming qualities whatsoever I would still date this woman. She could sell puppies to the black market and I would still want to be with this woman. She is that damn fine. I honestly can say that no other woman on the planet has that effect on me. Hell, LOOK AT HER!

Hell, listen to her! Check out Meaning Of Peace and Love. That song rules. Anyway, we have made the Top Ten, peeps! I will be the first to admit. What you see may shock and suprise you. Keep in mind that these are MY OWN PERSONAL OPINIONS. These are women that I find special in their own way. I am going to give the peeps a break because this post has been hellishly long. So get some juice, run around outside and enjoy the day. I will be back with the rest of the Top 20 either this evening or tomorrow night. Stay tuned! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi out.