Hey, ya’ll! I just wanted to let you know that sake rules. Seriously, that shit is great, If you don’t like it (And you know who you are, and yes you are a woman and NO you cannot handle its awesomeness) then you are a punk ass bitch. Yeah, I said it. I keeps it real! WU-TANG!
So with that being said…congrats to Beth for graduating! Now you get to fall into the line that is the real world and society! My advice; get your doctorate, girl. Avoid the real world as long as you can and by that time we will finally be overrun with Mexicans so you can change your name to Rosa and fit in. I kid, I kid. Graduation is an important part of your life (I have been through two and a half. PARTY TIME!) and so you will be able to put the money you earn in a paycheck into the global pot that we call taxes and social security. That neither one of us will get so be prepared to be pissed off about that shit when it runs out. But I digress…
One quick point to make here: stupid people need to really not be around. I mean what I say is funny, hands down. Unless I am making the obligatory Jew joke (And who doesn’t? DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!) everything I say is grounded in humor and not meant just to shock. So why are people so shocked when I make:
• The collie jokes (Inter-species erotica = funny when done tastefully. Or not, I can’t remember which one so I do both)
• The Black jokes (Guess what? I AM BLACK, FUCKERS! I AM ALLOWED TO MAKE THEM!)
• The retard jokes (They aren’t funny, but their actions are.. You laughed at Corky and don’t say that you didn’t you lying sack of shit)
• Calling women stupid (Have I ever been proven wrong? Minus the women being vampires thing. They ARE succubi so I was HALF right and that counted for GW Bush so it counts for me. I only go after what is true and when I go after them it IS FUCKING TRUE)
• Calling men stupid (I hate how I am thought of as “gay” because I hate men. Consider me gay because I like Cher, you close-minded fuckers. Its why men will always be fucktards that deserve to die in horrible mishaps. No sympathy for a man who does bungie jumping or attempting to binge drink. That is fucking stupid)
• Pedophilia jokes (The shit is funny as long as you keep it tasteful. I mean, come on here. Joles about Hinoi Team are funny because they are Japanese and you know why. If you don’t…you don’t read this often enough and that is your own fucking fault. As long as you don’t pee on them because that shit is gross)
…people get all pissy? Now if I said these things to be mean then I would completely understand the stares and the gasps. But seriously, when did people get such a fucking bug up their ass about what is funny? These are the same people that find Dane Cook hilarious and thought “Scrubs” was pretentious. It is a damn shame that Americans have the attention spans of drunk cats because they miss out on so much funny shit and focus on the irrelevant and harp on the awesome to the point that I had to be forced to realize that all the greatest shows of my youth were from north of the border (You Can’t Do That On Television, Undergrads, Degrassi Junior High) and that partially makes me want to cry. We as Americans have become uptight, pussy-footing, whiney little pussies and if my great- uncle wasn’t too crazy to function because of the Korean War and Vietnam (Someone has to explain to me the truth of that because I don’t see that as being….possible) he would tell you to quit being such candyasses. I mean…if he wasn’t nuts and all. Now he just drinks Crown Royal and has the occasional fpashback in the living room involving flipping over a table and yelling something about steaks because all he says is “Flank right!!!” Crazy as shit but that man is great for a war story. Aaaaaaand that is why no one in my family loves me.
With all that said, I am off to get some food. With all that is open being Taco Bell and…McDonald’s….I may just go to the store and buy something and cook it. I want to LIVE through this three day weekend. I will be back up tomorrow with a less alcohol induced, come-down town. Needless to say, I had a hell of a lot of fun today and I am out for more. You only die once and I don’t want to die by getting stuck in the fucking tub like a fat ass. That is one way that even the awesomeness that is me can never live down. Tomorrow’s blog will be better. I promise! Until then....off to Albertacos!!!
Chachi Out!
