Alright, people. I have had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT. If you don’t know what I am talking about, I will tell you. Who decides that the cool phrases are to say? I made the mistake of going to Mediatakeout and Bossip (Which are NEVER good ideas) and every other phrase is a set of words that make sounds with no meaning. Just a bunch of clicks and whistles. But it isn’t just there! Everywhere people are using words that I guess I am just not hip to care about but they sound so damn STUPID! So, not to sound like Grandpa Simpson but these are words that I never want to hear again. But first, let me tell you about the time I took the ferry to Ogdenville, which is what we called Shelbyville at the time….
1. Bust-It-Baby: Okay, I already commented on this once but what in the hell does this mean? In or out of context it doesn’t mean anything! You might as well run around in a yellow suit flailing your arms in the air and call yourself Bananaman because that’s what you are doing! This is one of those terms I guess was started by rappers and we all know about their literal eloquence. I mean, when I think of masterful vernacular…I think of Lil Jon:
I just love that video! Cooking and making that cootchie twitch? Now that edumacational!
2. No Homo: Okay, let me get this straight: people who wear oversized shirts, several thousand dollars worth of jewelry, hang around with a crew of big Black men, always talk about their cocks and accessorize down to their FUCKING SHOELACES have the nerve to use a phrase like “no homo?” Let me break it to you, simple like: NIGGA, YOU GAY! If you say no homo, then you are a homo. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but there is something very wrong with saying you aren’t gay when you dress like Liberace. Let’s face it: Rappers are gayer than Elton John fucking the corpse of Versace with George Michael filming it. Now THAT’S GAY.
3. Swag: Um…no. Seriously, no. Shut the fuck up. Especially Jim Jones. You ain’t even Black! You and Fabolous both need to quit that shit. Caribbean motherfuckers need to take your asses back to the islands!
4. Bromance: Okay…no. Anyone that EVER uses that term needs to be shot in the face. The facts show that one in every four bros is tragically and drunkenly raped. And yet you mock them by creating such a flippant term?! That is disrespecting the victim! All they wanted to do was listen to Dave Matthews Band and instead they were bent over a ping-pong table and plowed in the backfield like a Pittsburg Steelers blitz! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! UNDE R THE TABLE AND DREAMING! ROBBLE ROBBLE!!
5. Ice Grill/Mean Mug: These phrases were cool in like….1996. Now they are just fucking sad. If you are pissed off because someone is staring at you then you need to go down a few steps in evolution. “That person is questioning my dominance by staring at me?! THIS IS FOR SPARTA, NIGGA!” Yeah, that makes perfect sense, dickweed. If you get mad over someone “mean mugging” you then we should send you to Mike Vick’s house. He knows what to do with your de-evolved ass. Yes, dog-fighting jokes are funny now. The Pope approved them yesterday on the Catholic Weekly Conference Call!
6. Jonas Brothers: I know they aren’t a phrase but I hate these little bastards. HANSON DID IT FIRST AND DID IT BETTER! GO AWAY! Hell, even The DiFranco Family were better than you guys!
O_O
Okay…you are better than The DiFranco Family. I still want you to go away, though.
Well, I am out for now. Kind of sleepy since these people STILL HAVE NOT FUCKING MOVED so I have to drive. Oh, and one last thing. If I give a rats ass about you, kind of give me a heads up about what you want for Christmas if anything. I stop being in a festive mood around the 20th so hit me before then with a hint of you want anything. If you don’t, all you are getting is a FAL-CUNT PAWNCH!!
Now THAT’S comedy. Peace, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
