What is up, peeps! I told you I would be back, motherfuckers! Man, I have a total potty mouth. THAT’S why I don’t have any friends. So after having blogs pointed directly on a subject, I haven’t had the chance to just do a random blog about random crap like I used to do. Seeing as how I am angry at life in general (I get like that sometimes) it is about time that I calmed down and took a step back. So today, I am going to be a tad bit all over the place but follow me. To dee beech. BOYEEEE!
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: People Need To Stop With The Kobe Bryant Hatred.
Now as you all know, I have had a love hate relationship with Kobe. I have always felt that he is the best all-around player in the NBA and no one can debate that except for the fucktards that consider Steve Nash anything but an unkempt Canadian hippie. He is a better player than Dirk Nowistski (Although I am all about “Hard Work” Dirk) and as far as Tim Duncan goes, I believe that he is now to Tony Parker to what Shaq was to Kobe during the 3-peat: someone great but a lot better with someone to draw the double teams. Yet, Kobe Bryant has no MVP awards. NONE. The man has been the most DOMINANT player in the NBA for the last 4 seasons and all he has to show for it is looking at Dirk and Steve and their pasty white asses win MVP awards for being great with very good teams. Name someone else on the Lakers right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I didn’t think so. The Suns have Amare Stoudamire (OVERRATED) and the “Big Retard” Shaq while Dirk has had a stream of players come in and out of Dallas since Mark Cuban actually spends MONEY on people to put around his starts. Kobe has been EXCELLENT on a sub-par team and yet no one will give him his proper due as the Most Valuable Player award even though he is the most valuable player on his team. Take Kobe from the Lakers and you have MAYBE a 40 win team, and that is being generous when you think about how lights-out the Western Conference has been in 2008. He had the best season on (Arguably) the second best team in the NBA behind the Celtics and MAYBE the Pistons who have quietly put together a good year once again. Past indiscretions aside, the man has been the best player in the NBA for years and this year was no different. Quit hating, he and I have both hit the pinnacle: butt sex with a White woman. ZING! I kid, I kid. Not giving Kobe the MVP this year is a major injustice. Watch it go to fucking Nash. Canadian hippie fuck.
Random Thought #2: The Shocker Is No Longer Shocking.
Zach mentioned this to me the other day and I TOTALLY AGREE on this one, home skillet. The shocker itself is a stupid idea anyway because my experience with butt play has not been good and I would only wish it on my worst enemy. Even then, I would feel a LITTLE bad about it. “Two in the pink and one in the stink” may be the stupidest fucking phrase since “who let the dogs out” and that was DUMB AS HELL. The concept that a pinkies worth of insertion into an anus is that “badass” or even “taboo” is ridiculous. It is more of an annoyance than anything else IMHO and as people we really need to let this go. Especially bros who think that this is something that should be yelled at all times like it’s a Nelly song (More on that fucker later) in 2002. If you like the shocker as a dude you are gay. Period. If you are a woman and you like the shocker then congratulations: you are faking the funk as a whore. Pornstars take WAY more than a pinkie up their assholes and they get paid a lot more for it than you do. Much like the donkey punch and the dirty sanchez, let the damn shocker go.
Random Thought #3: Rap Is The New Disco.
Okay, Black men. If you listen to any rap not by Lupe Fiasco, Talib Kweli, Outkast, Kanye West or Mos Def you are officially gay:
This is coming from a man that is excited to work about going to see “Avenue Q” this summer. Seriously, all the album covers have half-naked Black men looking longingly at you to buy their CD so they can buy some more jewelry and clothes. Let’s do the math:
· Oversized shirts look a lot like dresses
· Gaudy, obnoxious and tacky jewelry (Hoop earrings = diamond studs)
· A crew of no less than 5 other Black dudes in close proximity
· Refusing to wear shirts and/or pants
· Overblown and uber-flashy (Not to mention sexually ambiguous) dance moves (Soulja Boy and Fabo, I am looking right at you)
· Meticulously perfected hair
· Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize! (I am a victim of this but I am not THAT BAD)
· More shoes than they know what to do with (ERR FERCE WONS!!!)
· Lame ass phrases (WE DA BEST! BOSS! I’M SO HOOD!
For those of you hip-hop heads that think rap doesn’t suck, you have to look at that and ask yourself just how “hood” are you with the fashion sense of a young Versace or Liberace? Hip hop is the gayest music out there and what even FUNNIER is how macho it claims to be. I remember when Beans (Beanie Sigel to the non-State Property fans, of which I used to be) made all those comments about “hipster rappers” like Kanye, Lupe Fiasco and Pharrell being gay? And yet as much as I dig his style sometimes, isn’t he the one rapping about his jewelry all the time? Just because you have guns doesn’t make you straight. Hell, I believe that owners of guns have a little bit of cock envy but that is just me. Oh, and going to jail doesn’t make you a man. It makes you LESS of a man because you are a blood clot on society and most importantly, we all know what they make you do in the big house: toss the salad:
Damn….I guess T.I. and Prodigy will be rapping about cheese in a different way when they get out. BURN! I kid, I kid. T.I. is awesome. Seriously though, you niggas gay.
That is all for now. One last thing though: Colorado Springs is a fucking whore. Mother nature pisses on this place like we are a 14 year old school girl to her R. Kelly. Why is it snowing in April? That is bullshit! Eh, it is what it is. I am out for now. I will try to be up tomorrow but if not, I will definitely be up on Friday and Sunday. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out.
