Guess who's back?! The kid is back on the scene in the gangsta lean! Or some other shit that rhymes. Sorry I have been gone so long; I have been in this mindrape of a job for the last few days. I dont mince wordsm, play no games and I take no shorts. It is what it is and I dont have to like it. A change gon come though, hook or by crook.
I am SO SICK AND TIRED OF MADDEN! I hadnt bought one since 2002 and I figured “Hell its been six years, lets give it a whirl!” Well I did and all I can say is…I know I played this before. When it was called NCAA 08. The gameplay is the exact same, minus the option which REALLY doesn’t work in this (Trust me, I fucking tried) and a LOT fewer teams to choose from. The graphics arent all that special and there is very little in terms of presentation. You would figure with all the money EA paid for exclusive rights to the NFL they would make a better fucking product.
Now I don’t know if the game isnt FINISHED or if my game is just glitched up but something is MAJORLY WRONG WITH MY FUCKING GAMEPLAY. Fumbles that were caused by hitting the ground werent overturned. Blatant, and I mean BLANTANT pass interference wasn’t called. I mean tackling the reciever while they are in the air kind of interference. What is even stupider is the amount of fumbles. Now in NCAA it was understandable (Freshmen fumbled constantly and seniors did but in the right circumstances) because they are in college. Underthrown balls always happen off the back foot in college and overthrows are common place, especially on blown routes. The amount of fumbles and underthrown balls in Madden is mind-boggling. I mean even Peyton “Horseface” Manning underthrew balls BADLY and often as the computer to boot.
The worse part of it all is the “WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” moments. I call it that because that’s what I have to yell every two plays or so. Not about small stuff, either. I mean offensive linemen turning around at the snap of the ball and running BEHIND YOU. I mean running backs blocking when they are supposed to go out for a pass. I’m talking about the football going THROUGH THE FUCKING RECIEVER. Or my favorite, calling for a block and the blocker runs to block someone FIFTEEN YARDS DOWNFIELD while you get the shit creamed out of you and eventually fumble like a pansy. Oh, and I have never seen a chop block work in this game. Even with the Broncos and we know how they like to redwood people. And when they miss…your quarterback/running back is gonna get RAPED, “The Accused” style. Which is more often than not.
What pisses me off the most is I got the Xbox 360 version (which was $60) and it looks no better than NFL 2K5…for the original X-Box. Well, that is an exaggeration but it isnt all the good. Hell, NCAA 08 looked better, played smoother (the running game is NON EXISTENT in this game, even with the Falcons, Broncos and Steelers) and the frustration was justified due to the fact they are college players. The NFL is full of god damned pros! They should be better than this! There is no excuse for offensive linemen running away from defenders or the CONSTANT gang tackling. No matter what you do, one man cannot take you down. Even with Warrick Dunn, it would take three dudes to get him on the ground which makes NO SENSE. The game is unbalanced in weird ways and just…ugh it isnt fun to play. Maybe against other people but against the computer its just glitches and bullshit. It may have been rushed or I may be out of the swing of things but it is hard to enjoy a game when your players are playing for the other damn team. Fuck Madden in his fat ass head. Stick with NCAA 08. Oh, and why does no one give a fuck at the end of games? I won a game 50-44 in overtime on a 80 yard run by Warrick Dunn and I got nothing. No boos, no cheers. In NCAA at least the animated crowd goes nuts and the players spaz out. I mean give me some damn incentive. Hey, just like my real life. On that note…
PAY ME OR MOVE ME, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!
Did I say that out loud? You damn right I did. Eat my ass, you know who you are you cheap fucksticks. Playing with my money is like paying with my emotions. That’s real talk.
So rather than play Madden (and end up punching a hole in the wall) I am downloading the BioShock demo and playing Stranglehold as soon as I finish this. Maybe a little Tomb Raider, that game doesn’t piss me off as much.
Oh, one last thing…Jessica Alba still has herpes. Serves you right, bitch! I lovedededed you! And you leave me?! YOU LEAVE ME?! That’s what you get for skipping out on all the STD free lovin over here. Now you aint NEVER getting none of the Deuce because after the “Yellow Rice Incidents” I aint toying around with herpes of any kind again. Know what I mean, Richard? If I have it, you have it too! Just kidding, Ricky’s good people. Just keep him away from your deer.
Well, that is all for now. I had to piss on Madden because I was just TOTALLY pissed about how nothing was working. I will be back Friday and have a review of “Superbad” hopefully on Saturday or Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Oh, and Ingrid Coronado es MUY BUENO!
Hell yeah.
Chachi Out.
