Well, I am back! Decided to keep the party going and give you the wild and crazy sixties of…
101 Things That Piss Me Off!
Here we go with 69-60…
69. Kurt Cobain: Okay, you all know I am a firm believer in to each their own. If you think that a minimally talented, mush mouthed, incoherent, drug addicted pointless songwriter is the voice of your generation and one of the best artists of all time then that is quite alright. You would be a fucking dumbass, though. I never thought Kurt Cobain was that good NOR that talented. He was a change of pace from the 80’s hair bands and people latched on to him like he was the next fucking Jimi Hendrix. He wasn’t even the next Bobby Jimmy & The Critters:
Heh, that song makes me smile. On the other hand, Kurt Cobain fans make me want to Cobain them. Too soon? Naaah.
68. Mode 7: You Nintendo fans remember this bullshit. “Whoa! I can turn the screen 360 degrees! GREATEST ADVANCEMENT IN CONSOLE GAMING EVER!” Fuck you, Nintendo fans. Mode 7 was just simple technique of texture mapping that allows rotation and scaling. You can do the shit in PowerPoint. Besides, nothing compares to BLAST PROCESSING!
Sega does what Ninten-don’t, mofos! GENESIS 4 LIFE!
67. SMART Cars: I hate those little fuckers. If the Prius made me want to kill the owner, the Smart car makes me want to rape their cat in front of them. Then kill them. Then eat a breakfast burrito. I like those. But mostly kill them.
66. BET: Man…no. Remember back when BET not only played videos, but GOOD videos? Whatever happened to LeVert?! What about some Troop or Anita Baker?! Now I have to hear about some trifling ass niggas talking about “Booty Doo” and “Whooty” and I say niggas fuck up everything. There, I said it. Remember “Generations”?! BRING BACK VIDEO SOUL! Or Rachel on Caribbean Rhythms. Damn, she was fine. Lordhavmercy!
65. Flirty Girl Fitness: Okay, let me get this straight. Women want to dance like a stripper but not be called one? Really? See, this is why women never get anywhere. Your simple asses are self-defeating. I swear, niggas and women need to have a convention and talk about their stupidity because that makes no sense. At what point is marketing dancing like a stripper but not being one seen as fucking sane? It’s like if I started the “Hood Life Workout Plan” and had you get skinny by running from the police and smacking up women for not having “yo money” and not admitting that it’s the stupidest idea since wildebeest flavored lion cage cleaner outfits. God, I hate women.
64. Stopping to shoot in the Resident Evil Series: Not as much as I hate this bullshit. If zombies are coming at your ass at what point do you stop? “ONOZ, ZAWBEEZ! I NEED 2 PWN DEM BUTT FURST I MUST STAWP AND FYRE! NOZ BITING! EPIC ZAWBEEZ FAIL!” Yeah, that’s what it sounds like I’m sure. This series has been out for at least 10 plus years and Capcom hasn’t gotten it through their thick ass skulls that it is more effective to MOVE when zombies are coming at you? What the flying fuck?! I guess it is to be expected from a company that couldn’t count to fucking FOUR for years. Asshats.
63. Virgin Mary: Riiiight. It’s one of the catalysts for my hatred of Christians. Just admit that Joseph knocked that bitch up. OR more than likely she was fucking around and she said “I wasn’t cheating! It’s…um…GOD’S BABY!” Now God can’t fight the allegations or even take a paternity test because I am sure back then they didn’t have the pissing strip yet. So she got off scot free for being a skank. Yep, if you are Christian and you are offended I have done my job. She wasn’t a virgin and Jesus wasn’t the son or lamb or veal of God. Just a mouthy Jew with improbable, impeccable hygiene despite the horrible conditions of early Jerusalem. More on HIM later. Oh yeah, you know Jesus is getting his. BUT WHEN?!
62. Ron Artest: Now don’t get me wrong. I loves me a good basketball fight because for the most part they are overpaid queers (Tell me Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant aren’t taking it to the hole…ON EACH OTHER! I’m naughty!) that slap at each other until the refs break it up like 6 year old girls before they find out that nails are weapons and that rules are for breaking. Ron Artest fucked all that up by actually FIGHTING SOMEONE. A fan no less. Now I believe it was Stephen Jackson who clocked the shit out of that one dude (Which was well deserved. Stay off the court) but it was Ron Artest and his Mastery of Niggerdom that made the NBA what it is today: Black dudes in suits NOT going to court. Unless you are Kobe. I TOLD YOU he tried to put it in that White girls’ butt! He likes that shit!
61. Furrs Cafeteria: My god, that place was disgusting. I went twice and both times I felt like I was gnawing on mushy paste disguised as food. I mean had they never heard of salt or pepper?! I know it was the elderly version of hanging out at The Icon (Remember that hellhole, CSPeeps?) or Rumbay’s (Ugh…I just threw up) but some of us go to enjoy a meal. Not soylent green shaped to look like meatloaf. Wait a minute…IT’S PEOPLE! That explains a lot because people suck.
60. Japanese porn: I don’t get how a country that has tentacle rape candy stores mosaics out the good parts of porn. I mean come the fuck on! I love me some Aoi Sora but how can I get to KNOW her if I can’t SEE her. Or inside of her, as the case may be in this statement. That’s how you see her personality, perverts! Either way, I mean there are a LOT worse things coming out of Japan, most involving enough sperm to impregnate Mothra and yet the vag is blurred out? Man, Japan loses a lot of points on that one. Could be for the best, though. Some of those women look like they have OJ Simpson from Naked Gun between their legs. Go watch the flashback scene and it will make sense. I’ll wait. See? HILARIOUS!
Well, I am out for now. Maybe a re-post tomorrow and then the Countdown on Friday (I still have to work on it. Takes shorter now that I have gotten a handle on the software). I am staying in Denver to see “The Hangover” but anyone down for “Land of the Lost” on Saturday let me know. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
