What's up, peeps? It is a cold ass Sunday night and I am still working on the Omnibus for the New Year. I will have it up by next Sunday night. This weekend I have just been bummed. Shitty weather, the Falcons lost and I have come to the realization that I havent really accomplished much at the old age of 28. Sure, I hit that Combo Breaker that one time in Killer Instinct 2 but as bad ass as that was, not much else has been done by me. It is of my own accord, mind you but not much has been accomplished nonetheless.
I never wanted to be that person that believed in the Johnny Paycheck idea of "you work sixteen hours and what do you get?" theory but at the same time it seems that is what I have put myself in. Sure in some jobs I had a lot of fun with Copper (Many a time. Like I said, dude. I am David Lee Roth to The Pack's Van Halen) and The Q was one job I surely miss but at the same time...I didn't wake up one day and say "Hot damn it, I want to do sales! That will get me mad bitches!" As we all know, bitches love money no matter how you get it. It is why they date drug dealers and take several years of abuse because they have a roof over thair head and cable. Sounds like she would be a fucking dumbass but in this economy I completely understand it now.
I jest on that but at the same time I am really vexxed about a lot of shit. One of my New Year's Resolution's was to cut back on my drinking and I have already done that (One Vesper?! What am I, a pussy?!) but what exactly will that accomplish? People always say that they want to quit smoking or quit drinking for their health but at the same fucking time you could die from a bear rape and people wouldnt care if you were a chain smoker or an alcoholic. Death dont care if you like the soju. Death only cares if youa re willing to give it the opportunity to fuck your shit up.
I guess I am saying it is time to do what makes you happy. It hit me the other day when I was talking to a total stranger at the karaoke bar when people were talking about resolutions and he flat out said that he won't do them because quite simply:
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
Think about it. With perfection being a flawed concept at it's core, why do people strive for it? How can you constantly work for your "happiness" when you have no idea who you are? If you dont know who you are or even what you want that will create the perfect you...how can you even be happy? How can you even TRY to be a perfect Christian if you have no idea the basic groundworkings of the words? How can you be the perfect husband or wife to your spouse or parent to your children if not only were YOUR PARENTS NOT PERFECT BUT YOU ARENT EVEN A GOOD ENOUGH YOU TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE?!?! IS THIS SINKING IN?!
Yeah, I had a good old fashioned gut check a few days ago. You see, I always knew that reaching for perfection should never be the goal but attempting to complete what makes you happy before attempting anything else. But man, I put that shit to the side for the logical aspect of paying bills and going to work like a good little cog. It got me to where I am at now which is a lot better off then I thought I would be after some of the dumb shit I have done but even still, I am no vampire hunting rock star ninja pirate. Which is what I really want to be but I know that will never happen because ninjas hate rock. It's a conundrum.
I want to close this with a weird ass story. So it was last year after I had an interview for a company that will remain nameless that flew me out for a round of interviews. If you know me, it's the one where they didn't know that my Anglo sounding name belonged to a Negro and long shoty short when I got home I already had an email saying I didnt get the job from one side and a heart-felt apology from the hiring manager about what we were under the assuption was a pure lock. Long story short, after I found that out I went to a rousing game of "Three Man" at Copper's when I decided that whiskey, soju, PBR and then some sake and Kirin at Ichiban's with Zach was a good idea. Which it was, until I went home a laid down after the debacle. When I went to bed, Tupac:Resurrection was on (Which is one of my favorite movies of all time because the words of Tupac Shakur are the epitome of duality which in my opinion is the foundation of the human being) and as I watched it I drank some more soju (Yes, back then I had a stash) and finally just passed out. Then I had a dream where I was sitting on the deck out back looking out and nothing was there. Nothing. And I was just staring, in the same suit I had my interview in. At that point I just sat there when Tupac walked next to me. Yes, THAT Tupac. Then, one of the most vivid and downright ODD dialogs I ever had in a dream occured:
Tupac: What are you looking at?
Me: Nothing. Nothing is there.
Tupac: Only you can change that, you know.
(Awkward silence. I look back and the backyard and all the other stuff is there. I turn around and he is gone)
Me: Oooooooookkaay. I think I am dreaming.
Tupac's Voice: Life is hard. You will keep getting knocked down. You know why?
Me: ....uh....because I am a dumbass?
(Awkard silence)
Tupac's Voice: No....because getting knocked down shows you are a trying. If you never try, you never get knocked down because you never fight.
Me: That's deep, nigga.
Tupac's Voice: Shut up. Remember that. It aint about getting knocked down. It aint even about getting back up. It is about what you do when you get up. Because just getting up is part of your instinct...learning is how you grow.
Me: .....Damn, nigga. THAT'S DEEP.
Tupac's Voice: NIGGA SHUT UP! You are dreaming right now. Don't forget what I told you. No body ever learns by giving up.
(At this point, Talib Kweli's "The Blast" begins to play)
Me: Wow....thanks...
Tupac's Voice: Now turn that fucking TV off, nigga.......
I then wake up....and Talib Kweli's "The Blast" is playing on VH1 Soul rather fucking loudly. I am sitting up (Still in my interview clothes, mind you) in front of my computer and guess what is in Windows Media Player? Tupac:Resurrection. So as I was typing this, I got sick of ESPN (No one cares about the greatest game ever played, assholes. I will ruin the ending for you: Giants in overtime...jackass) so I turned the channel to VH1 Soul. Guess what was on? Tupac: Resurrection. Yeah, cosmic like a motherfucker. Oh, and guess what I am about to play? Some Talib Kweli:
Sometimes, life isnt priceless and it isnt a game. Sometimes...life is just life. Quite simply, that is all life can be. All you can do is live and learn as you do it. MESSAGE!!!!!!
Live, Laugh, Learn & Love
(KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL! Don't worry, I will be back to ranting next time. I promise!)
