What is up, peeps?! You know what today is, don’t you? The ladies do. Yeah, it is Second Christmas for the ladies today! Yaaaaay! Eh, go to hell ladies. Yeah, I’m bitter. So normally I have Doucheology up today but I will have that up either tomorrow or Friday because the brackets haven’t changed. I will have them up for printout this weekend and the voting will begin on Friday! More information on how the voting will occur will be up on Wednesday of next week.
So with no Doucheology, what am I going to do today? Well, seeing as today is the day of Saint Valentine’s hanging (after a little bit of Bro Rape by Saint Patrick and Saint Kwanzaa) I was going to do a Valentine’s Day rant. However, recent events have made that rather…hypocritical. Seeing as how my distain for women has dropped several points I guess a verbal barrage about women being the catalyst of all evil isn’t fair. Mainly because I like some of them. NOT ALL, just some. Like three women out of over 3 billion. So in a rare treat (seriously, I haven’t done this in about 5 months) I give the peeps an exclusive. A special…
WHAT CHACHI LIKES: VALENTINE’S DAY EDITION!!
SO contrary to popular belief, I actually love women. Actions and baggage, not so much but I don’t like my own actions and anyone that knows me understands that I have so much baggage it’s like I’m trippin with nowhere to unpack. However, several things about women make me smile. Makes me forget that they feast on my emotions like R. Kelly at a middle school playground.
Chachi Likes: Women That Can Drive A Manual Transmission
Okay, that sounds hella stupid. I understand that, but something about a woman that can drive a stick is rather attractive. Shows someone that is attentive and dedicated. As anyone that has drove stick knows, that shit aint easy. Shifting is no picnic and don’t even get me started on maneuvering around the idiots while still maintaining speed and control. Automatics are less about driving and more about…steering. You don’t do any-damn-thing. Automatics are the epitome of lazy, and I am a fat, lazy bastard so that is saying something. Oh, wow I totally missed the sexual connotation of ‘driving stick’. Eh, that is stupid anyway. Women that can drive manuals are hot. Shows control and we all know how I like to be told what to do by a woman. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….wow, that may be a reason I am so lonely right now.
Chachi Likes: Women Who Curse
Okay, let me clarify. I don’t mean potty mouths. I curse a hell of a lot, but I also have an extensive vocabulary so I don’t need to cuss all the time. When I am driving and someone cuts me off and the woman next to me cusses at that shitty driver…that’s hawt. I mean REAL HAWT. That is marriage potential right there. You know what else is hot? A woman that cusses and uses not-typical obscenities. A woman that calls a dumbass in line that can’t decide on a candy selection a ‘fucktard’ obviously listens to me say it or has read VGCats which either way equals great success. Oh, and a woman that cusses at someone that just cut her off and slips a gear to act like she is gonna ram them? She will get sexed up. RIGHT THERE. Real talk, peeps. That is so HAWT it hurts.
Chachi Likes: Women That Can’t Cook
Now I know I tell women to make me a sandwich all the time but in all actuality I prefer women that can’t cook without a George Foreman Grill. And they STILL fuck that up. Why? Because I can cook and rather well (Little known fact: I used to be a cook at the USAFA back in the day) and I like to do so. Nothing is cooler than cooking with a woman and me doing all the work. Especially any food that required baking (cakes, pastries, pies and of COURSE cookies) because the prep-work is rather fun. You know what is the best to make? Ice cream. Making that is so damn HAWT. I miss college. Anyway, a woman that struggles in a kitchen brings the Alpha Mom out of me. Hell, does that phrase make ANY FUCKING SENSE? Does to me and that’s what matters.
Chachi Likes: Women That DESPISE My Hobbies
Now some of you may think this is weird. I used to always want a woman that liked video games and anime. Then in college I met one and it was actually the worst thing that I could I have done. First off, she was better than me at fighting games. Ask Griff, I will KILL A MAN for beating me at Street Fighter Alpha II, so imagine what I wanted to do when I lost at Street Fighter Alpha II to a GIRL and I had Ken? Ike, thy name is Chachi. Something was odd to me about watching Full Metal Alchemist with a girl who could only talk about how cute Elric was (Zach, that is the true reason I hate FMA so damn much). I prefer a woman that when she sees I am watching Death Note she leaves the room. I know that sounds solitary but there are somethings I would expect to not want to do with your partner. So unless she wants to get ANNIHILATED in Madden or NCAA Football for the PS2 (Ask anyone who has played me, I run up the score like a madman because I have NO SPORTSMANSHIP WHATSOEVER in video game football) I would prefer a woman not want to have any parts of it. Just me.
Chachi Likes: Women That Like J-Pop
However, in contrast to the whole video game thing I like women that like J-pop. I don’t expect her to sing a long with every word (although I was taught the words to Kiseki and La-La-La Love Song by a girl. THAT IS HAWT BECAUSE BOA IS HAWT) but at least be open to new things. I cannot stand country music and that is a scientific fact. However, I learned to listen to (and kind of like) Sarah Evans in college because I was introduced to it by a woman. Same thing with John Mayer, Saving Jane, Namie Amuro and Dido (who I really thought was Sarah McLaughlan or whatever) and now they are some of my favorite artists. Fuck you, I like John Mayer you dicks. Quite simply, my music rotation since about 2001 has been J-Pop, Hip Hop, Boy Bands, and 80’s then Soul/R&B in that order. That aint going to change, either. So ladies, if you can’t dig ‘Baby, Don’t Cry’ by Namie Amuro then we aint ever going to work. Lastly…
Chachi Likes: Women Who Open The Door From The Inside
Let me clarify. I understand with the advances in technology that opening doors has become damn near obsolete. However, every time I don’t open a car door (or any door for that matter) for a woman my mother shows up and slaps the shit out of me whether you are on a date, dating or whatever. Literally, she did it this morning and we have badge doors in this bitch! So I always do that not because it is gentlemanly but because it is the RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO. Mainly because I hate getting smacked. Too old for that shit. With that being said, since doors unlock at the same time once you shut the door for a woman I find it quite cool when she opens it from the inside on the driver side. It makes me feel warm, one of the few times seeing as I am dead inside for the most part. It is Skid Row Bro, ladies. Also, it is just a really kind thing to do. Oh, and for no apparent reason I always believe I drive. I don’t know why, but I do. Oh, and never ask to drive my car unless you have driven a manual. Seriously, nothing grinds my gears more than a woman grinding gears in my car. Not the first time some jacked up shit happened in there but still.
Well, those are some of my many quirky likes when it comes to the ladies because I am a nutcase. Well, everyone enjoy the rest of the day and may you have a sexy time this evening! Because are I wont because no one loves me. *sigh* I know what will make me feel better. 80’s ROCK BALLAD TIME!!!
Betwixt? Now THAT is English for your ass! Stay up, peeps! Be back Friday (or tomorrow).
Chachi Out
