Well, it is about that time! It is time for why you come here every Friday!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Falling Out:
BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Peaked at #1 for Four Weeks)
NOOOOO! NOT BOA! Man, I don’t know how I am going to live. Well, let’s get started!
20. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #16)
It looks like the end for Ikimonogakari this week as they fall four spots to number twenty. Can they rebound with a new video soon?
19. Yuna Ito – Trust You (New Entry)
YES! YES YES! YES! YES YES! YES! Yuna Ito is back with a ballad and looking damn fine! If you hear this song and you don’t love it then there is no hope for your ass because she is fucking awesome and I LOVE HER. AND SHE IS BACK!
18. Abingdon Boys School - STRENGTH (Last Week #20)
ABS moves up two spots this week as they return to the world after a recent solo return from TM. Could we see a new album by the end of 2009? HELLS YEAH!
17. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #14)
Nana falls three spots this week as it looks like she is spending her last days on the Countdown. She had a great run for a first timer, though.
16. Young Jeezy featuring Nas – My President Is Black (Last Week #15)
Jeezy and Nas fall a spot this week as it looks like the Snowman has hit kind of a slump Countdown wise. Maybe he can make a comeback…
15. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #17)
BLEACH IS ROCKING YOUR FACE! This arc plays the manga perfectly and combine that with a kickass intro and my favorite opening since Home Made Kazoku’s in the second arc. I so love this song.
14. Kanye West – Heartless (Last Week #12)
Kanye falls two spots this week as he has a new video out with one Kid CuDi who has grown on me even more lately. Hip hop may truly be back.
13. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 10)
Aqua Timez falls this week but they HAVE A NEW FRICKING VIDEO! That is what I am talking about, people. Give me what I want and you shall be rewarded.
12. T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake – Dead and Gone (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
T.I. and J-Tim move up a huge six spots this week as T.I. looks for his fourth straight Top Ten video! J-Tim meanwhile hasn’t been in the Top Ten since 2006…with T.I. so it’s good to see things go full circle.
11. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #8)
Joe Inoue falls from the Top Ten after coming so close to the top spot. A new video is out and it is a ballad. I have been in a ballad mood lately.
10. BoA - Eien (Last Week #13)
We have entered the Top 10 and BoA is back! This time in Japanese to boot! Just got the single and I must say it is quite worth the listen. Especially with Crystal Kay and Verbal on it. Mmm…Crystal Kay. Me like.
9. YA-KYIM respects KOME KOME CLUB – Kimi Ga Iru Dake De (Last Week #6, Four Weeks at #1)
YA-KYIM falls another three spots this week after a dominant run on top. I wonder if the tribute single is all we will hear from them for a while? I hope not; I miss my baby boos already!
8. UVERworld – 99/100 Damashi no Tetsu (Last Week #11)
UVERworld is back in the Top Ten! The question is: can they end the streak? It has been over two years since their last number one video and they have been close more times then they care to remember. Is this the video to end the drought?
7. John Legend – Everybody Knows (Last Week #9)
John Legend moves up two spots this week in what is kind of a subtle move. He has been quiet with his latest album, not causing the huge splash of Once Again that just ruled all.
6. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #3. One Week at #1)
RSP falls from the Top Five for the first time in two months despite being at number one for only a week. That is a feat in itself. I also got the single for their new video and it is totally growing on me.
5. B.o.B. – I’ll Be In The Sky (Last Week #7)
We are in the Top Five as B.o.B. moves up! He is looking good right now and I have to say that “Don’t Break My Heart” is one of my favorite songs right now. I want that to be the next single. And put Andre 3000 and Jim Jones on the remix! MAKE IT HAPPEN!
4. NERD – Sooner or Later (Last Week #2)
NERD came so close last week but this week they fall from the runner up spot! It has been a slow run for Pharrell and Co as their last album didn’t dominate like I expected it to. However, they came close and there is still time. We are down to three!
3. Jesse McCartney – It’s Over (Last Week #4)
J-Mac is STILL shocking the world as he moves into the Top Three! This song has been out for a minute and he currently has a new video so this video may be in trouble. Until then, enjoy yourselves.
2. BACK-ON – flyaway (Last Week #5)
BACK-ON is one step away! The bump up a huge three spots this week and land just short of their first official number one video! Great stuff from these guys and I have to say I am liking this more than the UVERworld song…BARELY. But if they want #1, they have to wait a week!
1. YA-KYIM respects SEAMO - SA IKOU! (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
For the second straight week, YA-KYIM holds the number one spot. I believe that this group has been at number one for officially HALF of the current year of 2009. Now that is dominance! I am so about this song (Makes the drive to Denver ALMOST tolerable) and I will be PISSED if they disappear for a long time. Until that day, they are number one again!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can hold on to the top spot for a third week! Or can BACK-ON finally take the crown that has eluded them for three years? Or can Jesse McCartney pull another underdog upset and take the crown? See you in seven to find out!
Well, tomorrow it is supposed to rape the city of Denver in the evening with snow which is becoming common place so odds are there wont be an update until Sunday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friends: Making Me Do A Six Page Post Since...Today.
Alright people! It has been a while since I have done an Omnibus based off of the people. Mostly because…I hate the people. Today, I will give the people what they ask for…nay…what they DEMAND of the Passion of Chachi: half-assed answers to your dumb fucking questions. Yeah, you know you love it! So sit back and get ready for…
Passion of Chachi Omnibus Presents: The People’s Choice Part II: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Answer, not a god damn thing. Anyway, these are all questions based off of people asking me in real life that I either didn’t answer fully or didn’t answer at all. So, if you see a question and it looks like you asked it of me then odds are you did. And awaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!
Question #1: Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?/Why Don’t Nice Guys Exist?
You see, I COMBINE these questions because I want to illustrate the logical disconnect between men, women and FUCKING REALITY. You see, the concept of the “nice guy” was actually created by women to justify their dumb ass actions of dating men that fucked their sisters, lied to them as often as they greased their hair and treated them like overall crap. Rather than just saying “I picked an asshole because I was dumb as shit and should accept my dumbashittery” they place the blame on a “bad boy” and claim they can’t control their “emotions” because of them. When you lay it all down scientifically, it makes you sound dumb as shit, don’t it?
Now the “nice guy” phenomenon got started by dudes that were to chickenshit to actually approach women and do anything more than be their “platonic friend” in hopes she would see how great of a guy you were after realizing how poorly all the men she let invade her gullyhole were to her because she was just going after the wrong man. You would be the knight in shining armor to take her in after she had been used up like so many tissues after a screening of “Grave of the Fireflies” and you would live happily ever after. Not realizing you are just a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG WITHOUT THE BALLS TO BE A DOUCHEBAG BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. Combine women who refuse to accept they like being treated like shit and wanting what they deem unattainable and men that are too much of a pussy to confront them on that and tell them what kind of person they are and how they will treat them and instead just play the three point line hoping for a John Paxton moment…and you have why nice guys finish last and don’t exist. Write it down, fuckers:
Women are fucking stupid and nice guys are fucking lying pussies.
There you go. It is simple really:
Women CRAVE attention
Nice guys GIVE attention
Therefore, a woman doesn’t WANT a nice guy because he gives her the attention she craves.
WAIT you say? Well, women are like cats. They want attention, but what happens when you go to pet a cat? It doesn’t want to be petted. However, act like you don’t NOTICE that cat and what happens? IT DEMANDS YOUR TIME AND YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ITS PRESENCE:
Same with a woman. If you give her the attention she wants by either her dress, attitude or actions then she will most likely ignore you or not be interested in you because there is no challenge or desire. You automatically are interested in what she is giving. You see, as far as I am concerned all “nice guys” are just stalkers without the mad skills of espionage, deception and lock-picking (RESIDENT EVIL, FOOLS. LIVE IT). They put themselves in a role and kind of stay there in hopes of expecting a woman to see them for how they WANT to be seen on HER accord rather than letting her know how you SHOULD be seen on YOUR accord. Quite simply, nice guys expect women to show appreciation to them for being there for them when in essence…that makes you worse than a douchebag. OH, I SO WENT THERE. At least a douchebag is upfront with their douchebaggery. “Nice guys” expect women to fawn on them because they are the “anti-jerk” when actually you are a bigger jerk because that is the most out of control attitude when it comes to an ego since Dr. Doom’s speaking in the third person. Nice guys aren’t nice, they just aren’t overt douchebags and they think that equates “nice” but that is like someone who is a blatant racist and doesn’t call Asians “slant-eyed rice wine swillers to their face ISN’T A RACIST. You still are, you are just going about it in a less standoffish way which is worse than someone who is willing to go all out in their racism and wear a shirt that says “I Heart Honkeys” while singing “Good Old Boys” by Waylon Jennings and blogging about how Martin Luther King Jr. was a “rabble-rousing coon.” Now THAT’S racist.
Now I am not going to blame men for all of this because it shockingly isn’t all the man’s fault here. You see, women are fucking crazy. The Greeks knew it, the Carthaginians knew it, the Romans knew it, Ike Turner knew it and now you know it. Being crazy, women don’t know what they want or why they want it at any given time which is why a day like Valentine’s Day was created: to give their crazy asses focus. The folly with nice guys is that they made the mistake of listening to what a woman SAID (When will they learn! Women only speak in clicks and whistles and no one understands them!) rather than what they DID. They listened to women say they wanted a guy that listened to them and cared about their thoughts and just overall respected them. They took that and went “I can do that! If I do that I will get more Tang than a Chinese Triad member that loves orange drink!” So they changed their style to meet what women said…and were dead wrong. Women STILL went after douchebags, which were women’s ACTIONS. I can’t say they were lies, but I can say that for the age range you see this at (16-26 I will average) with the nice guy phenomenon vs. the douchebag phenomenon…douches win hands down because they may not be smart, but sometimes being dumb is the most effective strategy you can use when it comes to women because they are crazy.
I will end it like this in a way hopefully nice guys can understand and women can comprehend. Nice guys are like a Street Fighter 4 player that knows all the combos and strategies. They read the books and know all the juggles and strings and every move by heart. A douchebag…is a button masher. They just pick a character and wail away at the buttons until something happens that resembles a move. The don’t believe in blocking because they play Halo and Gears of War and health regenerates so they go all out. You ever seen a button masher against a person that knows all the moves? Not nescesarily a SKILLED player, but one that knows all the strategies? They usually win. Why? At the end of the day, the game is just six buttons and a joystick. Over thinking it just wastes time and leaves you vulnerable for a series of kicks to the face. How is THAT for kicking that knowledge?
As for women, the reason there are no nice guys left is the exact same reason why chivalry is dead: YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM ALL WITH YOUR CRAZINESS. You see, there is such thing as a “nice guy” but the problem is that a while back you probably dated him and treated him like shit for no reason. Or for a reason, who knows but the point is that the new nice guy is the jerk. You have met them. They usually don’t care about your presence and that pisses you off? They usually challenge you and prove you wrong on the things you say that nice guys say “you are so smart and/or funny!” to and douchebags just tell you how hot your tits look in that top. And that SO PISSES YOU OFF? Those were the guys that got pissed on in the late 90’s to mid 2000’s and decided they had enough. The guys you say are “rude” or “mean” or “insensitive” are the original nice guys back when it was NOT COOL to be the nice guy. Not nice to women, but nice to everyone in general…and they were considered gay. So now they don’t go to clubs and find women’s’ actions rather irritating so they just hang out with their friends and now all you are left with are borderline stalkers and fuckwit McGee’s and you complain why you can’t just find a nice guy. You broke them all, just like a kid that breaks all of their favorite toys for fun and realize all they have left are Go-Bots and Duplos. Hope you’re happy! And let’s keep this bus on track, shall we?
Question #2: Why Do People Expect Me To Be Married By Now? I Don’t NEED To Be Taken Care Of!
Well, people are stupid. That’s the cop out answer I gave you but let’s go a little more in depth. You see, I wager a large majority of people see love as something tangible. It has either a financial value or a material value to it. Love is based off what one person can provide and give first, then what they can give that is not quantifiable LATER. Now I may be wrong on this as a whole but I can only base this off of what I have seen and know of so take that into account. You see, I have yet to figure out how people can date for five years and then…just…stop. I mean what were you doing in those five years? Getting to know the person? Well, I don’t buy that excuse because there are people that get divorced over “irreconcilable differences” and I say to myself WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHILE YOU WERE DATING BECAUSE YOU SURE WEREN’T GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER?! I mean before you get married you should KNOW what things this person has going wrong with them and you should address that prior and decide if it is something that could cause your union to end. People DON’T do that or maybe they do and people just go batshit when they get married but if you get divorced because of something that isn’t an ass kicking or another person banging your mate then you didn’t do your job in the first place.
To answer the question, people expect you to be married because as The Joker said…it’s all part of the plan. Whether you think it’s God’s plan or whatever, the end goal of human beings has been ingrained in them since the beginning of time:
1. Grow up
2. Get Married
3. Have Babies
4. Die
That is pretty much it. As far as I am concerned, you have to actually GROW UP before you get married. Most people never pass that first part and some of you just skip to step three because you were stupid. You can hate if you want to but if you passed 7th grade health class and you still got pregnant and called it a surprise or a shock…you need to be put down like a feral dog. I’m sorry, but you cannot be allowed to be here anymore because you are a fucking moron. You know where babies come from and you took the risk so there is no being shocked. I think that is what it all boils down to and until recently I never thought about it like this.
I was watching The Amazing Athiest and he was talking about sacrifice when it came to working moms. Now I like The Amazing Atheist and agree with him and disagree with him but this was something that made me think. You see, people who are single are seen as selfish and not willing to sacrifice. They won’t settle down with one person and they won’t make more children so in essence they are going against the plan that makes them FREAKS. Really think about this, though. Who really sacrifices anymore? We as human being in the basic aspects try for figure out ways to mitigate sacrifice and work from the bottom rung. Look at a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Three parts: bread, peanut butter and jelly. Well we couldn’t put up with ALL THAT WORK so we made PBJ in one jar. Down to two steps. Then we said “FUCK THAT, I WANT IT NOW!” and we put the PBJ in a fucking premade pocket. How is THAT FOR SACRIFICE.
Now some of you will say that is petty and irrelevant. If you are then you are missing the big picture. Part of life is putting things together; building something if you will. You need a base and a foundation before you can build any house and that in my opinion is what growing up is. Finding yourself and who you are is the most important aspect of building a relationship because if you can’t help yourself, how can you help someone else? Most people will rush into a marriage without being fully aware of themselves just to get married and then they end up finding out about themselves (And the other person) in the process and realizing “maybe I rushed into this” when IF YOUWOULD HAVE DONE THE FUCKING RESEARCH YOU WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO RETHINK ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. Like I stated before, some go directly into step three and that is the dumbest shit ever (YES, I SAID IT) because if you don’t know yourself and you can’t help another person how can you RAISE another person? A lot can be said for learning on the fly but you can’t fuck up raising a kid. We have seen several times what messing up a childhood can do to a kid. Now I am not saying that knowing yourself and knowing your partner makes you a better parent because life is dynamic, but it sure does help to run the offense if you know what plays you can run and where your receivers will be on third down.
In the end, you are dead on. You don’t need to be taken care of and you don’t need to be married. People want that because they think that is what everyone SHOULD want. I can honestly say that I know that I may or may not want kids. Depends on what my partner (Once I get enough money to by young Sun Hee from the catalog. We are in love!) wants and we will discuss that. However, marriage isn’t for some people. Kids aren’t for some people. That is what makes us who we are: our individuality. You find someone that closely resembles what you want out of life once you find out what you want and then you make a life together. That is what makes you happy, so you do that. If your parents love you, as long as you are living your life to its fullest, they shouldn’t have a problem with that. If they do, the its kind of the James Van Der Beek moment of I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE:
You got to say it all Texas like, too. Complete the illusion. Home that helps.
Question #3: How Come No One Loves Me For Me?
Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. Shit aint gonna happen though.
Okay, I take that back. RARELY is that going to happen. That is kind of what love is: never having to say I didn’t mean to put it there. In all seriousness it is VERY RARE you will find someone that will love you for exactly how you are. People who say that are really just lying. Not in a bad way, they just love each other from what they KNOW about each other. If everyone knew everything about the person they were with, odds are they would never have dated or married them. That’s just life and it is normal. Have you ever bought a car and loved EVERYTHING about it? Have you ever had a job and loved EVERYTHING about it? You even had an experience with a stripper and loved EVERYTHING about it? NO, and that is okay! One thing about love is embracing the differences between you and your mate…as long as its…constitutional. Case in point: I love J-Pop and K-Pop. LOVE IT. I have withdrawals when I don’t watch some everyday. Hell, I don’t even know a lot of Japanese or Korean but I listen to it like Usher was singing it. Every woman (Save for one who…fuuuuuuuuuck, we won’t go into that right now) who I have been involved with HATED IT. I mean some of them got kind of pissy and indignant about it, too. If there is something in your life that you like and your partner doesn’t, that’s life. It is how you address your differences that determines the love that is there. Another case in point: back in college a girl I was dating LOVED Temptation Island. She just kept talking about it to the point it was like “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” but instead I thought:
If something interests her that much, I would like to know why”
Now I was young and stupid and know aware to the evil ways of women yet so I was open to this kind of thing. Later on I found out that nothing a woman does is worth doing ever (And the stuff I want to do she usually thinks is lame, illegal or “immoral”) but still. I sat back one day after class and we watched the show and you know what? I WAS FUCKING HOOKED. It was a great show and it was a great way to spend quality time (Again, I was young a stupid. Later I found out that women are the devil). However, she still hated EVERYTHING I did (Including Big Trouble In Little China which was kind of the deal breaker) but that is to be expected because what I like only like 12 people in the country like because I am kind of an odd duck. If I could find a girl that liked anime, pro wrestling, college football, musicals, vampire hunters, sock puppets, Bath and Body Works, applesauce, Zac Efron (HE IS SO DREAMY!), talking Milkshakes and of course disco I would be the happiest man alive. That shit aint gonna happen, nor do I want it to happen because odds are my head would explode from the awesomeness. That and I am sure I named off the traits of a gay man in Hartford which makes me want to cry. Not in the good way, in the bad way like after non-consensual anal sex. Wouldn’t it be a so much easier if I were a homosexual? Geez, I am kind of down on myself. Last one, people! Let’s make it count!
Question #4: Why Are You So Apathetic About Love All The Time?
It’s called a DEFENSE MECHANISM. You see, my goal is to take all the happiness I may feel out of a situation before it starts. It was like someone once told me:
“I live a life of total apathy. Yes, you miss out on the few ground-breaking and ecstatic highs, but you avoid the more plentiful earth-shattering and soul-crushing lows. It’s a fair trade I think.”
And how. I know it sounds like a bad way to look at things but let’s look at this logically here: a woman would have to be out of her fucking mind to think about dating me. I’m crazy in the head! Did you know that I am scared of dogs with floppy ears? Those fuckers are evil! How can you tell if a dog is listening to you if it’s ears aren’t up?! Odds are that little fucker is ignoring you! You cant tell if its surprised or anything! Just one day it gnaws your face off and the police ask you “well, didn’t you see his ears turn up?!” and all you can say is no!
Secondly, and most importantly I have learned that placing stock in people is the worst place to put it. You need to find a pet or an investment firm or some shit because putting emotional stock in another person is the easiest way to fuck your shit up. Then I need an emotional bailout from the Bank of Soju and Karaoke and the only person that was good for was Jinro. Someone will get that joke and if you do you are fucking AWESOME. I guess the biggest reason…wait, this is a monumental moment here. This needs a soundtrack:
FUCK YES. Okay, here is the answer to the eternal question: why am I such a fucking jerk. The reason is…I let it happen. You see, there comes a point when you have to hold yourself accountable for the shit that has happened to you. Women, please take note of that and quit yer bitchin about how men do you wrong when you put yourself right in that situation all the time. Just saying. I can sit back and say “FUCK YOU BITCH! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT I’M UNHAPPY!” but I don’t because:
1. I’m Not Unhappy: People take my humor and logic for anger and distrust. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I love women and think they are great. I don’t trust them or take anything they say at face value but I follow that rule with everyone. People suck, woman or man.
2. It’s My Own Fool Fault: It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. If you listen to it and believe it when you know it aint true, you are more at fault than the liar. Marinate on that.
3. I’m No Walk In The Park: Ask my friends whether I am easy to deal with. I know damn well I am a DIFFICULT person to get along with a lot of times so how can I be mad because a person was difficult to deal with as well. I was no victim; I was just as much of an asshole most of the time. Hard to believe, I will admit.
4. It’s Life: E-40 once said you gotta chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. The Bank of Chachi accepts those loans and pays them every month, plus principle.
In the end, this isn’t much of an answer but I don’t believe I am down on love as much as I try to use situational logic as often as possible. I notice not a lot of people do that (Like, none of you but I can’t complain because I have been there) but at the same time, I was once told that everyone believes what they are doing is logical but it usually is never rational. Just because you are in “love” doesn’t mean you suspend common sense. Maybe I rely on rational thought too often and that is why I seem so down. It is like the Tick said about sanity:
“And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit.”
Now that’s a quote to live your life by. If you want to follow the musings of a 7-foot tall invulnerable superhero that may or may not have eight legs. Which I DO.
Well, that is all for now. Countdown tomorrow! Four words…YUNA ITO IS BACK! Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Passion of Chachi Omnibus Presents: The People’s Choice Part II: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Answer, not a god damn thing. Anyway, these are all questions based off of people asking me in real life that I either didn’t answer fully or didn’t answer at all. So, if you see a question and it looks like you asked it of me then odds are you did. And awaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!
Question #1: Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?/Why Don’t Nice Guys Exist?
You see, I COMBINE these questions because I want to illustrate the logical disconnect between men, women and FUCKING REALITY. You see, the concept of the “nice guy” was actually created by women to justify their dumb ass actions of dating men that fucked their sisters, lied to them as often as they greased their hair and treated them like overall crap. Rather than just saying “I picked an asshole because I was dumb as shit and should accept my dumbashittery” they place the blame on a “bad boy” and claim they can’t control their “emotions” because of them. When you lay it all down scientifically, it makes you sound dumb as shit, don’t it?
Now the “nice guy” phenomenon got started by dudes that were to chickenshit to actually approach women and do anything more than be their “platonic friend” in hopes she would see how great of a guy you were after realizing how poorly all the men she let invade her gullyhole were to her because she was just going after the wrong man. You would be the knight in shining armor to take her in after she had been used up like so many tissues after a screening of “Grave of the Fireflies” and you would live happily ever after. Not realizing you are just a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG WITHOUT THE BALLS TO BE A DOUCHEBAG BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON. Combine women who refuse to accept they like being treated like shit and wanting what they deem unattainable and men that are too much of a pussy to confront them on that and tell them what kind of person they are and how they will treat them and instead just play the three point line hoping for a John Paxton moment…and you have why nice guys finish last and don’t exist. Write it down, fuckers:
Women are fucking stupid and nice guys are fucking lying pussies.
There you go. It is simple really:
Women CRAVE attention
Nice guys GIVE attention
Therefore, a woman doesn’t WANT a nice guy because he gives her the attention she craves.
WAIT you say? Well, women are like cats. They want attention, but what happens when you go to pet a cat? It doesn’t want to be petted. However, act like you don’t NOTICE that cat and what happens? IT DEMANDS YOUR TIME AND YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ITS PRESENCE:
Same with a woman. If you give her the attention she wants by either her dress, attitude or actions then she will most likely ignore you or not be interested in you because there is no challenge or desire. You automatically are interested in what she is giving. You see, as far as I am concerned all “nice guys” are just stalkers without the mad skills of espionage, deception and lock-picking (RESIDENT EVIL, FOOLS. LIVE IT). They put themselves in a role and kind of stay there in hopes of expecting a woman to see them for how they WANT to be seen on HER accord rather than letting her know how you SHOULD be seen on YOUR accord. Quite simply, nice guys expect women to show appreciation to them for being there for them when in essence…that makes you worse than a douchebag. OH, I SO WENT THERE. At least a douchebag is upfront with their douchebaggery. “Nice guys” expect women to fawn on them because they are the “anti-jerk” when actually you are a bigger jerk because that is the most out of control attitude when it comes to an ego since Dr. Doom’s speaking in the third person. Nice guys aren’t nice, they just aren’t overt douchebags and they think that equates “nice” but that is like someone who is a blatant racist and doesn’t call Asians “slant-eyed rice wine swillers to their face ISN’T A RACIST. You still are, you are just going about it in a less standoffish way which is worse than someone who is willing to go all out in their racism and wear a shirt that says “I Heart Honkeys” while singing “Good Old Boys” by Waylon Jennings and blogging about how Martin Luther King Jr. was a “rabble-rousing coon.” Now THAT’S racist.
Now I am not going to blame men for all of this because it shockingly isn’t all the man’s fault here. You see, women are fucking crazy. The Greeks knew it, the Carthaginians knew it, the Romans knew it, Ike Turner knew it and now you know it. Being crazy, women don’t know what they want or why they want it at any given time which is why a day like Valentine’s Day was created: to give their crazy asses focus. The folly with nice guys is that they made the mistake of listening to what a woman SAID (When will they learn! Women only speak in clicks and whistles and no one understands them!) rather than what they DID. They listened to women say they wanted a guy that listened to them and cared about their thoughts and just overall respected them. They took that and went “I can do that! If I do that I will get more Tang than a Chinese Triad member that loves orange drink!” So they changed their style to meet what women said…and were dead wrong. Women STILL went after douchebags, which were women’s ACTIONS. I can’t say they were lies, but I can say that for the age range you see this at (16-26 I will average) with the nice guy phenomenon vs. the douchebag phenomenon…douches win hands down because they may not be smart, but sometimes being dumb is the most effective strategy you can use when it comes to women because they are crazy.
I will end it like this in a way hopefully nice guys can understand and women can comprehend. Nice guys are like a Street Fighter 4 player that knows all the combos and strategies. They read the books and know all the juggles and strings and every move by heart. A douchebag…is a button masher. They just pick a character and wail away at the buttons until something happens that resembles a move. The don’t believe in blocking because they play Halo and Gears of War and health regenerates so they go all out. You ever seen a button masher against a person that knows all the moves? Not nescesarily a SKILLED player, but one that knows all the strategies? They usually win. Why? At the end of the day, the game is just six buttons and a joystick. Over thinking it just wastes time and leaves you vulnerable for a series of kicks to the face. How is THAT for kicking that knowledge?
As for women, the reason there are no nice guys left is the exact same reason why chivalry is dead: YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM ALL WITH YOUR CRAZINESS. You see, there is such thing as a “nice guy” but the problem is that a while back you probably dated him and treated him like shit for no reason. Or for a reason, who knows but the point is that the new nice guy is the jerk. You have met them. They usually don’t care about your presence and that pisses you off? They usually challenge you and prove you wrong on the things you say that nice guys say “you are so smart and/or funny!” to and douchebags just tell you how hot your tits look in that top. And that SO PISSES YOU OFF? Those were the guys that got pissed on in the late 90’s to mid 2000’s and decided they had enough. The guys you say are “rude” or “mean” or “insensitive” are the original nice guys back when it was NOT COOL to be the nice guy. Not nice to women, but nice to everyone in general…and they were considered gay. So now they don’t go to clubs and find women’s’ actions rather irritating so they just hang out with their friends and now all you are left with are borderline stalkers and fuckwit McGee’s and you complain why you can’t just find a nice guy. You broke them all, just like a kid that breaks all of their favorite toys for fun and realize all they have left are Go-Bots and Duplos. Hope you’re happy! And let’s keep this bus on track, shall we?
Question #2: Why Do People Expect Me To Be Married By Now? I Don’t NEED To Be Taken Care Of!
Well, people are stupid. That’s the cop out answer I gave you but let’s go a little more in depth. You see, I wager a large majority of people see love as something tangible. It has either a financial value or a material value to it. Love is based off what one person can provide and give first, then what they can give that is not quantifiable LATER. Now I may be wrong on this as a whole but I can only base this off of what I have seen and know of so take that into account. You see, I have yet to figure out how people can date for five years and then…just…stop. I mean what were you doing in those five years? Getting to know the person? Well, I don’t buy that excuse because there are people that get divorced over “irreconcilable differences” and I say to myself WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHILE YOU WERE DATING BECAUSE YOU SURE WEREN’T GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER?! I mean before you get married you should KNOW what things this person has going wrong with them and you should address that prior and decide if it is something that could cause your union to end. People DON’T do that or maybe they do and people just go batshit when they get married but if you get divorced because of something that isn’t an ass kicking or another person banging your mate then you didn’t do your job in the first place.
To answer the question, people expect you to be married because as The Joker said…it’s all part of the plan. Whether you think it’s God’s plan or whatever, the end goal of human beings has been ingrained in them since the beginning of time:
1. Grow up
2. Get Married
3. Have Babies
4. Die
That is pretty much it. As far as I am concerned, you have to actually GROW UP before you get married. Most people never pass that first part and some of you just skip to step three because you were stupid. You can hate if you want to but if you passed 7th grade health class and you still got pregnant and called it a surprise or a shock…you need to be put down like a feral dog. I’m sorry, but you cannot be allowed to be here anymore because you are a fucking moron. You know where babies come from and you took the risk so there is no being shocked. I think that is what it all boils down to and until recently I never thought about it like this.
I was watching The Amazing Athiest and he was talking about sacrifice when it came to working moms. Now I like The Amazing Atheist and agree with him and disagree with him but this was something that made me think. You see, people who are single are seen as selfish and not willing to sacrifice. They won’t settle down with one person and they won’t make more children so in essence they are going against the plan that makes them FREAKS. Really think about this, though. Who really sacrifices anymore? We as human being in the basic aspects try for figure out ways to mitigate sacrifice and work from the bottom rung. Look at a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Three parts: bread, peanut butter and jelly. Well we couldn’t put up with ALL THAT WORK so we made PBJ in one jar. Down to two steps. Then we said “FUCK THAT, I WANT IT NOW!” and we put the PBJ in a fucking premade pocket. How is THAT FOR SACRIFICE.
Now some of you will say that is petty and irrelevant. If you are then you are missing the big picture. Part of life is putting things together; building something if you will. You need a base and a foundation before you can build any house and that in my opinion is what growing up is. Finding yourself and who you are is the most important aspect of building a relationship because if you can’t help yourself, how can you help someone else? Most people will rush into a marriage without being fully aware of themselves just to get married and then they end up finding out about themselves (And the other person) in the process and realizing “maybe I rushed into this” when IF YOUWOULD HAVE DONE THE FUCKING RESEARCH YOU WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO RETHINK ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. Like I stated before, some go directly into step three and that is the dumbest shit ever (YES, I SAID IT) because if you don’t know yourself and you can’t help another person how can you RAISE another person? A lot can be said for learning on the fly but you can’t fuck up raising a kid. We have seen several times what messing up a childhood can do to a kid. Now I am not saying that knowing yourself and knowing your partner makes you a better parent because life is dynamic, but it sure does help to run the offense if you know what plays you can run and where your receivers will be on third down.
In the end, you are dead on. You don’t need to be taken care of and you don’t need to be married. People want that because they think that is what everyone SHOULD want. I can honestly say that I know that I may or may not want kids. Depends on what my partner (Once I get enough money to by young Sun Hee from the catalog. We are in love!) wants and we will discuss that. However, marriage isn’t for some people. Kids aren’t for some people. That is what makes us who we are: our individuality. You find someone that closely resembles what you want out of life once you find out what you want and then you make a life together. That is what makes you happy, so you do that. If your parents love you, as long as you are living your life to its fullest, they shouldn’t have a problem with that. If they do, the its kind of the James Van Der Beek moment of I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE:
You got to say it all Texas like, too. Complete the illusion. Home that helps.
Question #3: How Come No One Loves Me For Me?
Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. Shit aint gonna happen though.
Okay, I take that back. RARELY is that going to happen. That is kind of what love is: never having to say I didn’t mean to put it there. In all seriousness it is VERY RARE you will find someone that will love you for exactly how you are. People who say that are really just lying. Not in a bad way, they just love each other from what they KNOW about each other. If everyone knew everything about the person they were with, odds are they would never have dated or married them. That’s just life and it is normal. Have you ever bought a car and loved EVERYTHING about it? Have you ever had a job and loved EVERYTHING about it? You even had an experience with a stripper and loved EVERYTHING about it? NO, and that is okay! One thing about love is embracing the differences between you and your mate…as long as its…constitutional. Case in point: I love J-Pop and K-Pop. LOVE IT. I have withdrawals when I don’t watch some everyday. Hell, I don’t even know a lot of Japanese or Korean but I listen to it like Usher was singing it. Every woman (Save for one who…fuuuuuuuuuck, we won’t go into that right now) who I have been involved with HATED IT. I mean some of them got kind of pissy and indignant about it, too. If there is something in your life that you like and your partner doesn’t, that’s life. It is how you address your differences that determines the love that is there. Another case in point: back in college a girl I was dating LOVED Temptation Island. She just kept talking about it to the point it was like “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” but instead I thought:
If something interests her that much, I would like to know why”
Now I was young and stupid and know aware to the evil ways of women yet so I was open to this kind of thing. Later on I found out that nothing a woman does is worth doing ever (And the stuff I want to do she usually thinks is lame, illegal or “immoral”) but still. I sat back one day after class and we watched the show and you know what? I WAS FUCKING HOOKED. It was a great show and it was a great way to spend quality time (Again, I was young a stupid. Later I found out that women are the devil). However, she still hated EVERYTHING I did (Including Big Trouble In Little China which was kind of the deal breaker) but that is to be expected because what I like only like 12 people in the country like because I am kind of an odd duck. If I could find a girl that liked anime, pro wrestling, college football, musicals, vampire hunters, sock puppets, Bath and Body Works, applesauce, Zac Efron (HE IS SO DREAMY!), talking Milkshakes and of course disco I would be the happiest man alive. That shit aint gonna happen, nor do I want it to happen because odds are my head would explode from the awesomeness. That and I am sure I named off the traits of a gay man in Hartford which makes me want to cry. Not in the good way, in the bad way like after non-consensual anal sex. Wouldn’t it be a so much easier if I were a homosexual? Geez, I am kind of down on myself. Last one, people! Let’s make it count!
Question #4: Why Are You So Apathetic About Love All The Time?
It’s called a DEFENSE MECHANISM. You see, my goal is to take all the happiness I may feel out of a situation before it starts. It was like someone once told me:
“I live a life of total apathy. Yes, you miss out on the few ground-breaking and ecstatic highs, but you avoid the more plentiful earth-shattering and soul-crushing lows. It’s a fair trade I think.”
And how. I know it sounds like a bad way to look at things but let’s look at this logically here: a woman would have to be out of her fucking mind to think about dating me. I’m crazy in the head! Did you know that I am scared of dogs with floppy ears? Those fuckers are evil! How can you tell if a dog is listening to you if it’s ears aren’t up?! Odds are that little fucker is ignoring you! You cant tell if its surprised or anything! Just one day it gnaws your face off and the police ask you “well, didn’t you see his ears turn up?!” and all you can say is no!
Secondly, and most importantly I have learned that placing stock in people is the worst place to put it. You need to find a pet or an investment firm or some shit because putting emotional stock in another person is the easiest way to fuck your shit up. Then I need an emotional bailout from the Bank of Soju and Karaoke and the only person that was good for was Jinro. Someone will get that joke and if you do you are fucking AWESOME. I guess the biggest reason…wait, this is a monumental moment here. This needs a soundtrack:
FUCK YES. Okay, here is the answer to the eternal question: why am I such a fucking jerk. The reason is…I let it happen. You see, there comes a point when you have to hold yourself accountable for the shit that has happened to you. Women, please take note of that and quit yer bitchin about how men do you wrong when you put yourself right in that situation all the time. Just saying. I can sit back and say “FUCK YOU BITCH! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT I’M UNHAPPY!” but I don’t because:
1. I’m Not Unhappy: People take my humor and logic for anger and distrust. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I love women and think they are great. I don’t trust them or take anything they say at face value but I follow that rule with everyone. People suck, woman or man.
2. It’s My Own Fool Fault: It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. If you listen to it and believe it when you know it aint true, you are more at fault than the liar. Marinate on that.
3. I’m No Walk In The Park: Ask my friends whether I am easy to deal with. I know damn well I am a DIFFICULT person to get along with a lot of times so how can I be mad because a person was difficult to deal with as well. I was no victim; I was just as much of an asshole most of the time. Hard to believe, I will admit.
4. It’s Life: E-40 once said you gotta chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. The Bank of Chachi accepts those loans and pays them every month, plus principle.
In the end, this isn’t much of an answer but I don’t believe I am down on love as much as I try to use situational logic as often as possible. I notice not a lot of people do that (Like, none of you but I can’t complain because I have been there) but at the same time, I was once told that everyone believes what they are doing is logical but it usually is never rational. Just because you are in “love” doesn’t mean you suspend common sense. Maybe I rely on rational thought too often and that is why I seem so down. It is like the Tick said about sanity:
“And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit.”
Now that’s a quote to live your life by. If you want to follow the musings of a 7-foot tall invulnerable superhero that may or may not have eight legs. Which I DO.
Well, that is all for now. Countdown tomorrow! Four words…YUNA ITO IS BACK! Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Avril Lavigne: Ending My Witty Post Titles Since...Today.
Alright, first off I need to say this. I think I may have just had enough of working. You know what else? It once again has to do with poo gas. When I quit my job before returning to my nemesis I really wasn’t ready to quit and I didn’t want to take the The Pack job because I had been smacked around two previous times and had no Grammys or Oscar nods to show for it. I was talking to a co-worker of mine about whether or not I was going to quit and we got in the elevator and a…well, she was part wildebeest and part Wampa…got into the elevator. As we talked we noticed there was a Grand Funk Railroad coming from this beast-tron that could have warped adamantium. When we got off the elevator and got in cars to get ready to go she asked if I was going to quit. The funk turned me completely around and I swore I would never come back. I came to work the next morning and something else happened (Involving an inbred cousin fucker but that is another story) and I decided that I had just about enough of that shit. LITERALLY.
Fast forward to February 24th, 2009. Since November 17th of last year I have been getting up between the hours of 4:45am and 5:30am to either take a bus for two hours or drive for an hour (Almost at 70,000 miles and I got my car brand new on Independence Day of 2005. That is BULLCRAP! But it is my own fault) to go to a job that barely pays me more than a job in Colorado Springs once you factor in transit, cost of parking (although the $2 lot works wonders if you don’t mind panhandlers and crackheads) and of course the White people but with nary a job in the CSP that makes you feel like getting a college degree makes you uppity and was a waste of time because the pay of the collective is the same for the good of the Borg. Needless to say, I am fricking annoyed by it but it was my choice and I am willing to live with it because all this shit goes away in May so I can put up with this crap for two more months. Or can I?
This morning, after a long ass bus ride next to a woman that smelled of baby powder and baby shit I showed up to work and my pet peeve occurred: White people began talking to me. Now I don’t give a fuck how much you LOVE YOUR COFFEE but I don’t. I drink coffee only when hanging out with Kasey or…that is about fucking it. Coffee is nasty and I don’t care how you dress that shit up, it is still ass brewed by the GOD DAMN CUP. Just because you have five cups before 8am doesn’t mean that I have and it SURE AS FUCK doesn’t mean that you can come to me after a two hour bus ride and four hours of sleep bouncing around like the Ice Age squirrel and asking me questions like “How are you?!” and “How was your weekend, big guy!” The simple answer is that I am at work which means I am not face down in a gutter next to a passed out stripper which means my weekend wasn’t that good and most importantly what I do is not your fucking business. I don’t CARE if you are interested in small talk. I don’t LIKE small talk. My weekend is my business and secondly I don’t care about anyone else’s weekend but because they ask you, in return you MUST listen to them because that’s the rules of workplace bullshit conversation. There is nothing wrong about not giving a shit about your co-workers. I think that it is best because it removes awkward situations later on. Man, irony…thy name is Chachi.
So anyway after sort of doing my own job I went to the bathroom and when I walked in…there was a stank of epic funkportions. I mean the grand scale of this smell was that of a non-consensual raping of the olfactory senses. I thought my ears were going to bleed and that is no lie. IT WAS 8:45 IN THE MORNING! I understand that some people hate pooping at home because they don’t want to mess up their OWN toilet but come the hell on. I really did not need that and now I am on the verge of tipping over a desk, turning on some Quiet Riot and screaming “I’M A LEAD FARMER, MOTHERFUCKER!” which would be…well, awesome. God…I really need to break free:
Aahh, Queen. If you don’t like Queen then you don’t know music.
So on a completely other note, can someone explain to me the phenomenon of women getting those ugly ass boots (Uggs I believe…which is supposed to be ironic but is actually damn stupid) and proceeding to tuck the pants legs in the boots? I mean…what? There was only ONE person that wore their pant legs in their boots that I can even remember and was over the age of nine and that was Napoleon Dynamite:
Yeah…no. Maybe I am out of touch with the times and don’t know what the kids think are the “bee’s knees” but I have been known to do a number on a few cats and know what is “funky fresh.” And ugly shoes aren’t it.
Lastly, this is going to be a separate post at some point once I let a calmer head prevail and write it from an objective point of view but there are three words that I throughally despise. Coming from a male or a female (Mostly female because…well, they aren’t people) these three words, sometimes one word and a contraction, are the most irritating and pointless words in the English language that when combined create the biggest indecisive cop-out since the time that MLB All-Star Game ended in a tie. No phrase garners more anger from me unless you toss in “you go girl” which someone from work used during a meeting and I wanted to beat her with her own ovaries but that is a process that requires a lot more work than I initially thought. The ovaries are kind of tucked away up there, near the duodenum. That phrase is…
IT’S COMPLICATED
This phrase is usually uttered to explain one of a few things:
1. An excuse for a situation you don’t want to accept is either your fault or a bad idea. This usually comes about by telling the lie of “it’s not my fault” when it so is because if you are doing anything that you have to say “it’s not my fault” at any point then there is a 81% chance it IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT…Bitch.
2. A phrase used to explain something you should have explained a long time ago but were too chickenshit to tackle and now it has come to a head and you are now forced to give a reason…and you fall back on it…Bitch.
3. A way to buy time after a really, REALLY bad choice or action when you really just don’t want to say “I am sorry and I fucked up” and you instead say “It’s so hard to explain! You don’t understand how I feel!” which is code for “Maybe I can confuse and lie my way out of this shit” which is just an asshole move all around…Bitch. Oh, and…Dick. Takes two people to lie to lie: one to lie and one to swallow.
4. Math. In everyone’s defense, math is hard and it sucks. It’s why the Jews and the Asians were brought over on the Mayistada Maria Flowertanic, right? Now that was a kick ass boat:
And just like me, it will be making another run. I will try to be back up tomorrow before the Countdown. Until then, peace out ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Fast forward to February 24th, 2009. Since November 17th of last year I have been getting up between the hours of 4:45am and 5:30am to either take a bus for two hours or drive for an hour (Almost at 70,000 miles and I got my car brand new on Independence Day of 2005. That is BULLCRAP! But it is my own fault) to go to a job that barely pays me more than a job in Colorado Springs once you factor in transit, cost of parking (although the $2 lot works wonders if you don’t mind panhandlers and crackheads) and of course the White people but with nary a job in the CSP that makes you feel like getting a college degree makes you uppity and was a waste of time because the pay of the collective is the same for the good of the Borg. Needless to say, I am fricking annoyed by it but it was my choice and I am willing to live with it because all this shit goes away in May so I can put up with this crap for two more months. Or can I?
This morning, after a long ass bus ride next to a woman that smelled of baby powder and baby shit I showed up to work and my pet peeve occurred: White people began talking to me. Now I don’t give a fuck how much you LOVE YOUR COFFEE but I don’t. I drink coffee only when hanging out with Kasey or…that is about fucking it. Coffee is nasty and I don’t care how you dress that shit up, it is still ass brewed by the GOD DAMN CUP. Just because you have five cups before 8am doesn’t mean that I have and it SURE AS FUCK doesn’t mean that you can come to me after a two hour bus ride and four hours of sleep bouncing around like the Ice Age squirrel and asking me questions like “How are you?!” and “How was your weekend, big guy!” The simple answer is that I am at work which means I am not face down in a gutter next to a passed out stripper which means my weekend wasn’t that good and most importantly what I do is not your fucking business. I don’t CARE if you are interested in small talk. I don’t LIKE small talk. My weekend is my business and secondly I don’t care about anyone else’s weekend but because they ask you, in return you MUST listen to them because that’s the rules of workplace bullshit conversation. There is nothing wrong about not giving a shit about your co-workers. I think that it is best because it removes awkward situations later on. Man, irony…thy name is Chachi.
So anyway after sort of doing my own job I went to the bathroom and when I walked in…there was a stank of epic funkportions. I mean the grand scale of this smell was that of a non-consensual raping of the olfactory senses. I thought my ears were going to bleed and that is no lie. IT WAS 8:45 IN THE MORNING! I understand that some people hate pooping at home because they don’t want to mess up their OWN toilet but come the hell on. I really did not need that and now I am on the verge of tipping over a desk, turning on some Quiet Riot and screaming “I’M A LEAD FARMER, MOTHERFUCKER!” which would be…well, awesome. God…I really need to break free:
Aahh, Queen. If you don’t like Queen then you don’t know music.
So on a completely other note, can someone explain to me the phenomenon of women getting those ugly ass boots (Uggs I believe…which is supposed to be ironic but is actually damn stupid) and proceeding to tuck the pants legs in the boots? I mean…what? There was only ONE person that wore their pant legs in their boots that I can even remember and was over the age of nine and that was Napoleon Dynamite:
Yeah…no. Maybe I am out of touch with the times and don’t know what the kids think are the “bee’s knees” but I have been known to do a number on a few cats and know what is “funky fresh.” And ugly shoes aren’t it.
Lastly, this is going to be a separate post at some point once I let a calmer head prevail and write it from an objective point of view but there are three words that I throughally despise. Coming from a male or a female (Mostly female because…well, they aren’t people) these three words, sometimes one word and a contraction, are the most irritating and pointless words in the English language that when combined create the biggest indecisive cop-out since the time that MLB All-Star Game ended in a tie. No phrase garners more anger from me unless you toss in “you go girl” which someone from work used during a meeting and I wanted to beat her with her own ovaries but that is a process that requires a lot more work than I initially thought. The ovaries are kind of tucked away up there, near the duodenum. That phrase is…
IT’S COMPLICATED
This phrase is usually uttered to explain one of a few things:
1. An excuse for a situation you don’t want to accept is either your fault or a bad idea. This usually comes about by telling the lie of “it’s not my fault” when it so is because if you are doing anything that you have to say “it’s not my fault” at any point then there is a 81% chance it IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT…Bitch.
2. A phrase used to explain something you should have explained a long time ago but were too chickenshit to tackle and now it has come to a head and you are now forced to give a reason…and you fall back on it…Bitch.
3. A way to buy time after a really, REALLY bad choice or action when you really just don’t want to say “I am sorry and I fucked up” and you instead say “It’s so hard to explain! You don’t understand how I feel!” which is code for “Maybe I can confuse and lie my way out of this shit” which is just an asshole move all around…Bitch. Oh, and…Dick. Takes two people to lie to lie: one to lie and one to swallow.
4. Math. In everyone’s defense, math is hard and it sucks. It’s why the Jews and the Asians were brought over on the Mayistada Maria Flowertanic, right? Now that was a kick ass boat:
And just like me, it will be making another run. I will try to be back up tomorrow before the Countdown. Until then, peace out ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A-A-A Hip Hop And You Don't Stop! Or Care...
Okay, there is something that has to be said right here and right now.
Black people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU WON JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
White people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU LOST JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Asian people: Stay cool. You have been all calm during this time of racial dipshittery and I appreciate your zen-like calm. It’s why I hang out with you guys. Aside from the being punched in the nose thing which was all good.
Latin people: Um…yeah. How are things going? Haven’t heard from you in a while since Rebelde broke up. I’m sad, too. Feel free to speak the hell up, you know?!
I had to get that out because people are acting like fucktards about what is going on as a nation and I have to just tell people that maybe shutting the fuck up and doing what the hell you do is the best strategy. Just saying; you don’t like it when people critique YOUR job when you just started doing it (Either good or bad) so don’t do it to someone else especially on a grander scale. Quit being morons.
So a few things before I head in for the night:
One To Grow On #1: Schoolgirls Learning Their ABC’s…and ATM.
So I had a pretty interesting conversation last week while at work because I don’t get paid enough to do so (Kind of funny how that works) and I was asked a question that I had been asked before but never really cared to answer:
“What is it with men wanting women to dress like schoolgirls?”
First off, this conversation started from how much I despise Catholics and she went to a Catholic school and has the outfit still so do the math. What was odd is that I may be the minority in saying that women dressing up in any kind of “wannabe-loli” get up doesn’t really do much for me…and I’m lonely has hell. As far as I am concerned the whole kick of the “pigtails” and the “cheerleader” bullshit are just dudes that don’t have the balls to look Chris Hansen in the eyes and say “we’re not gonna take it!”
I can only speak for myself when I say that I don’t want some woman my age (Or older…ugh) dressing up like a schoolgirl. I want a SCHOOLGIRL DRESSING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL. Since the Party Van and the masses of this punkass country in general frown on F2T (Five to ten, check out the post) action, the only thing one can do if they really want to have a schoolgirl and not a woman trying to relive her glory(hole) days: go to Japan. Yeah, I said it. Japan knows that a woman’s value drops exponentially after the age of 14 so they hits’em young and they hits’em ROUGH. I mean damn, even I feel bad for some of these women but at the end of the day, bukkake is kind of like going into a Compton club wearing all red: things can end up really bad, or REALLY BAD. You know damn well if you are the only woman in a sea of men in Japan that you are going to get covered in baby batter or you are Cher performing at a USO show:
What can I say, gay men love Cher and the Navy is totally gay.
One To Grow On #2: Hip Hop Beef Is Stupid And No One Cares Anymore
About beef OR hip hop. You know why Lil’ Wayne is making a rock album and Kanye West channeled Roger Troutman, David Bowie and Night Ranger (Check the nigga mullet! Or the nullet as I call it!) for their last albums? One was to be different, two was to get more white women (And isn’t that what we all want, fellas? Amirite?) but three was because hip hop is dead. Every time two rappers have beef they are taking the corpse, pulling down its pants and Jodie Fostering it. Yes, I said Jodie Fostering it. If the reputation of hip hop hasn’t suffered enough from being known as materialistic (Which is true), misogynistic (Which is true but no more than some other forms of music but rap is an easy target because a lot of words rhyme with “bitch” and “hoe”) and violent (Which is also true but so is everything. Have you heard Bruce Springsteen? He’s beefing with Tom Petty now!) but now we have random and talentless asshats running around talking ridiculous because they think it will sell records. You know what, fucktards? NIGGAS DON’T BUY RECORDS! They have internet in the hood now, jerkass! Besides, anyone dumb enough to actually BUY a 50 Cent, Rick Ross, Bow Wow, Soulja Boy or Saigon record needs their ass whooped any-fucking-way. Yes, I left out Joe Buddens because I like Joey and no one buys a Joe Buddens CD anyway.
I think that rap beef should have consequences. I know it sounds messed up, but I think that if you decide to start up a rap beef then one of you has to branded with a big “JA” for Ja Rule (Or jerkass) on their forehead. That means first off that you can’t half-ass a beef. See Dr. Dre/Jermaine Dupri. Secondly, it means that you better be sure as hell you can win the thing and just don’t talk trash to get a name for yourself because no one remembers you (See: Eminem/Canibus). Rappers, much like a puppy that won’t stop pissing on the carpet, needs some tough love. Some of that thuggin’ love:
Anyway…
One To Grow On #3: People Are No Better Than PETA…And PETA Can Lick My Balls
Okay, I am shocked to see that people are still talking about the Chris Brown/Rihanna “Rumble in the Gallardo” like it means something. It was an issue between two dumbass people that ended in a way that most dumbass situations end: jokes for me. My issue isn’t with the act (Which wasn’t cool. I mean, I personally blame Lamborghini for not making a larger area for the front seats. Had they rented a Hummer or a Saturn Aura, she may have whooped his ass. I’m just saying), it is with the response of people. Just like PETA, people only care when PRETTY PEOPLE get their ass kicked.
Where was the uproar when Bobby Brown was kicking Whitney’s ass for taking the last rock? Where was the outrage when Britney was breaking chairs over Kevin Federline’s head? Why did no one call for an arrest when Lionel Ritchie’s ex-wife was kicking his ass all over a Motel 6?! I will tell you why: they all look like they were beat with an ugly stick with a nail in it. Since Rihanna is supposedly pretty (I think her head reminds me of the alien in “Kill All Humans” and she sounds like two possum fucking, but that is just me) everyone is all like “NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!” I honestly think that if you are going to get mad because Chris Brown knocked Rihanna upside her head…and face…for changing the station from Rick Astley then you have to get mad at Bobby Brown for going upside Whitney’s head for eating the last of the Rice Krispies. Crackheads love them some Rice Krispies.
That is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow. If not…I will be back when I fucking get back. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Black people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU WON JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
White people: Just because Obama won doesn’t mean YOU LOST JACK SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Asian people: Stay cool. You have been all calm during this time of racial dipshittery and I appreciate your zen-like calm. It’s why I hang out with you guys. Aside from the being punched in the nose thing which was all good.
Latin people: Um…yeah. How are things going? Haven’t heard from you in a while since Rebelde broke up. I’m sad, too. Feel free to speak the hell up, you know?!
I had to get that out because people are acting like fucktards about what is going on as a nation and I have to just tell people that maybe shutting the fuck up and doing what the hell you do is the best strategy. Just saying; you don’t like it when people critique YOUR job when you just started doing it (Either good or bad) so don’t do it to someone else especially on a grander scale. Quit being morons.
So a few things before I head in for the night:
One To Grow On #1: Schoolgirls Learning Their ABC’s…and ATM.
So I had a pretty interesting conversation last week while at work because I don’t get paid enough to do so (Kind of funny how that works) and I was asked a question that I had been asked before but never really cared to answer:
“What is it with men wanting women to dress like schoolgirls?”
First off, this conversation started from how much I despise Catholics and she went to a Catholic school and has the outfit still so do the math. What was odd is that I may be the minority in saying that women dressing up in any kind of “wannabe-loli” get up doesn’t really do much for me…and I’m lonely has hell. As far as I am concerned the whole kick of the “pigtails” and the “cheerleader” bullshit are just dudes that don’t have the balls to look Chris Hansen in the eyes and say “we’re not gonna take it!”
I can only speak for myself when I say that I don’t want some woman my age (Or older…ugh) dressing up like a schoolgirl. I want a SCHOOLGIRL DRESSING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL. Since the Party Van and the masses of this punkass country in general frown on F2T (Five to ten, check out the post) action, the only thing one can do if they really want to have a schoolgirl and not a woman trying to relive her glory(hole) days: go to Japan. Yeah, I said it. Japan knows that a woman’s value drops exponentially after the age of 14 so they hits’em young and they hits’em ROUGH. I mean damn, even I feel bad for some of these women but at the end of the day, bukkake is kind of like going into a Compton club wearing all red: things can end up really bad, or REALLY BAD. You know damn well if you are the only woman in a sea of men in Japan that you are going to get covered in baby batter or you are Cher performing at a USO show:
What can I say, gay men love Cher and the Navy is totally gay.
One To Grow On #2: Hip Hop Beef Is Stupid And No One Cares Anymore
About beef OR hip hop. You know why Lil’ Wayne is making a rock album and Kanye West channeled Roger Troutman, David Bowie and Night Ranger (Check the nigga mullet! Or the nullet as I call it!) for their last albums? One was to be different, two was to get more white women (And isn’t that what we all want, fellas? Amirite?) but three was because hip hop is dead. Every time two rappers have beef they are taking the corpse, pulling down its pants and Jodie Fostering it. Yes, I said Jodie Fostering it. If the reputation of hip hop hasn’t suffered enough from being known as materialistic (Which is true), misogynistic (Which is true but no more than some other forms of music but rap is an easy target because a lot of words rhyme with “bitch” and “hoe”) and violent (Which is also true but so is everything. Have you heard Bruce Springsteen? He’s beefing with Tom Petty now!) but now we have random and talentless asshats running around talking ridiculous because they think it will sell records. You know what, fucktards? NIGGAS DON’T BUY RECORDS! They have internet in the hood now, jerkass! Besides, anyone dumb enough to actually BUY a 50 Cent, Rick Ross, Bow Wow, Soulja Boy or Saigon record needs their ass whooped any-fucking-way. Yes, I left out Joe Buddens because I like Joey and no one buys a Joe Buddens CD anyway.
I think that rap beef should have consequences. I know it sounds messed up, but I think that if you decide to start up a rap beef then one of you has to branded with a big “JA” for Ja Rule (Or jerkass) on their forehead. That means first off that you can’t half-ass a beef. See Dr. Dre/Jermaine Dupri. Secondly, it means that you better be sure as hell you can win the thing and just don’t talk trash to get a name for yourself because no one remembers you (See: Eminem/Canibus). Rappers, much like a puppy that won’t stop pissing on the carpet, needs some tough love. Some of that thuggin’ love:
Anyway…
One To Grow On #3: People Are No Better Than PETA…And PETA Can Lick My Balls
Okay, I am shocked to see that people are still talking about the Chris Brown/Rihanna “Rumble in the Gallardo” like it means something. It was an issue between two dumbass people that ended in a way that most dumbass situations end: jokes for me. My issue isn’t with the act (Which wasn’t cool. I mean, I personally blame Lamborghini for not making a larger area for the front seats. Had they rented a Hummer or a Saturn Aura, she may have whooped his ass. I’m just saying), it is with the response of people. Just like PETA, people only care when PRETTY PEOPLE get their ass kicked.
Where was the uproar when Bobby Brown was kicking Whitney’s ass for taking the last rock? Where was the outrage when Britney was breaking chairs over Kevin Federline’s head? Why did no one call for an arrest when Lionel Ritchie’s ex-wife was kicking his ass all over a Motel 6?! I will tell you why: they all look like they were beat with an ugly stick with a nail in it. Since Rihanna is supposedly pretty (I think her head reminds me of the alien in “Kill All Humans” and she sounds like two possum fucking, but that is just me) everyone is all like “NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!” I honestly think that if you are going to get mad because Chris Brown knocked Rihanna upside her head…and face…for changing the station from Rick Astley then you have to get mad at Bobby Brown for going upside Whitney’s head for eating the last of the Rice Krispies. Crackheads love them some Rice Krispies.
That is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow. If not…I will be back when I fucking get back. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tyler Perry: YOU ARE NO ROBERT TOWNSEND!
Okay, there is some shit I need to take you as people to task for right here and right now:
WHY IN THE FUCK IS “MADEA GOES TO JAIL” THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA?!
I told you; when you watch a Tyler Perry movie an angel gets non-consensually raped! Congratulations, there is a angel right now getting sodomized because you had to see a shitty ass preview of “Big Momma’s House 3: Big Momma Breaks Out” which was going to be a CLASSIC! You know damn well that there can only be one successful Black actor at a time! When Terrance Howard gets work, you never hear from Will Smith! The more work we let Tyler Perry have the less time we have to see Hustle and Flow 2: Mo Hustle, Mo Flow! Damn, I am surprised that hasn’t happened yet.
In all seriousness, I have never seen a Tyler Perry movie but I am totally using the Brokeback Mountain Theory. All I know is that man dresses like a woman more than Nipsey Russell and Bugs Bunny COMBINED and they did it a lot better. I know I am the first to say “to each their own” but between Tyler Perry and the whole Twilight bullshit I am losing faith in everything. Then, to piss me off even more I THINK I heard a new U2 song a few minutes ago. Now it could have been Coldplay; they both suck and piss me off about the same. You know, Coldplay doesn’t show up as a misspelled word in Microsoft Office programs but fuckstick does. WHAT IN THE HELL?! Oddly enough, douchebaggery and asshatery show up as misspelled but fuckwit and awesomeness don’t. Does Word get accustomed to the words you type? It’s fucking learning, dude!
Also, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi vÉ™,-vÉ‘ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what women should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE.
And you aren’t prostitutes, are you ladies? Alrighty then. Here is some math for you then:
Webster > Beyonce
Webster ownz your face.
Holy shit, it was Coldplay. However, there is a new U2 video which means I am declaring war on Ireland until they take those limey fuckers back and lock them up for sucking since “Where The Streets Have No Name” or face my wrath. You heard me, TAKE BACK YOUR SHITTY ASS BAND! NOW!
That is all for now, I will be back on Tuesday (Hopefully, depends on how I am feeling) but one last thing. Charlie Wilson: STOP IT. No more albums. You have been working with Snoop since I was in HIGH SCHOOL and I still don’t care. No one else does either. Let The Gap Band be what we remember you for, to a lesser extent yelling “OOHH WEE!” in Signs with Snoop and J-Tim. Don’t be remembered for “Snoop’s Upside Yo Head.”
UPDATE: HEATH LEDGER WON BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR FOR “THE DARK KNIGHT!” Hells to the yes! I have come a long way from creating a mob to get him kicked off the cast to actually being blown away by his performance. Best pick in a long while. Well, I am gone for now.
Chachi Out
WHY IN THE FUCK IS “MADEA GOES TO JAIL” THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA?!
I told you; when you watch a Tyler Perry movie an angel gets non-consensually raped! Congratulations, there is a angel right now getting sodomized because you had to see a shitty ass preview of “Big Momma’s House 3: Big Momma Breaks Out” which was going to be a CLASSIC! You know damn well that there can only be one successful Black actor at a time! When Terrance Howard gets work, you never hear from Will Smith! The more work we let Tyler Perry have the less time we have to see Hustle and Flow 2: Mo Hustle, Mo Flow! Damn, I am surprised that hasn’t happened yet.
In all seriousness, I have never seen a Tyler Perry movie but I am totally using the Brokeback Mountain Theory. All I know is that man dresses like a woman more than Nipsey Russell and Bugs Bunny COMBINED and they did it a lot better. I know I am the first to say “to each their own” but between Tyler Perry and the whole Twilight bullshit I am losing faith in everything. Then, to piss me off even more I THINK I heard a new U2 song a few minutes ago. Now it could have been Coldplay; they both suck and piss me off about the same. You know, Coldplay doesn’t show up as a misspelled word in Microsoft Office programs but fuckstick does. WHAT IN THE HELL?! Oddly enough, douchebaggery and asshatery show up as misspelled but fuckwit and awesomeness don’t. Does Word get accustomed to the words you type? It’s fucking learning, dude!
Also, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi vÉ™,-vÉ‘ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what women should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE.
And you aren’t prostitutes, are you ladies? Alrighty then. Here is some math for you then:
Webster > Beyonce
Webster ownz your face.
Holy shit, it was Coldplay. However, there is a new U2 video which means I am declaring war on Ireland until they take those limey fuckers back and lock them up for sucking since “Where The Streets Have No Name” or face my wrath. You heard me, TAKE BACK YOUR SHITTY ASS BAND! NOW!
That is all for now, I will be back on Tuesday (Hopefully, depends on how I am feeling) but one last thing. Charlie Wilson: STOP IT. No more albums. You have been working with Snoop since I was in HIGH SCHOOL and I still don’t care. No one else does either. Let The Gap Band be what we remember you for, to a lesser extent yelling “OOHH WEE!” in Signs with Snoop and J-Tim. Don’t be remembered for “Snoop’s Upside Yo Head.”
UPDATE: HEATH LEDGER WON BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR FOR “THE DARK KNIGHT!” Hells to the yes! I have come a long way from creating a mob to get him kicked off the cast to actually being blown away by his performance. Best pick in a long while. Well, I am gone for now.
Chachi Out
Sunday, February 22, 2009
When I Die, Please Someone Play David Bowie For Me? Magic Dance Is Preferred...
What is up, everybody. Pretty much time for a weekly wrap up but quite simply it was kind of one of total frustration that ended with a realization that enough is enough and it is time for a chance. Yes, I flipped out last week and had what some people would call a Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” moment. I am dead serious; had I had access to a baseball bat and a copy of “Real Motherfuckers” by Lil Jon today would be a different story:
Now THAT is an angry fucking song. However, I digress. You see, this year I did something that I hadn’t done in about a year and a half. I actually followed my own advice. You see, for some reason because I had consistently either fucked up my own life or had things so fucking out-of-this-world happen to me (Having your job split like the legs of a schoolgirl in Japan into three jobs and outsourced three times in one week? Really? To three fucking continents? REALLY?! FUCKING REALLY?! MOTHERFUCKING CUNT SWABS!) it seemed that people looked to me to help me with their problems. Which was odd as hell because I am a damn wreck but I began to notice that what I was telling others was actually working for them and yet I would not do those same things myself. Call it grasping to what was familiar, call it being stubborn but it ended up in me being pissed off about everything because nothing was working for you. If you read the blog you know about some of it and if you know me you know about a little bit more (Most of my life is on the web so…not much I can do to hide shit but it makes for good reading, doesn’t it?) and you know that I am have toned down a lot in terms of anger over the last six months and have slowly slid into a realm of complete contentment into everything that happens which I thought was good but in the end is even worse that being angry all the time because when you are content with where you are, you have no drive to go where you want to be.
So over the last few months I have had some real soul searching (And in some cases enlightening to the point of WHY IN THE FUCK DID I NOT DO THIS EARLIER?!) conversations with Young Copper, K-Money and The Grizzle which have actually made me look at things the way I tell other people to look at them and it actually has been fucking working. Well, until Wednesday when the chocolate rain of shitting on the hard work I did to create change in my life came down like a Tay Zonday concert at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Yes, I am a wordsmith. However, that is life and how you handle it shows your character and determines your level of sanity when it comes to complications. I would have to say that as of right now, I am handling the asininity of the things that come my way (Taking a 35% pay cut just to not say I am unemployed, driving halfway across the state to work someplace that pays me the exact same as a graduate from a shithole like DeVry, coming to the realization that a woman will never love me for me if I keep telling her what is wrong with her) as well adjusted as the next person who has no pride, self-esteem or desire to live past 30. I kid, I kid.
However, I believe that what makes you is the understanding and the overcoming of your failures because the ideal of striving for perfection is a concept flawed in its execution because the attainment of perfection equals the end in the pursuit. Which means you fucking die because there is nothing else to do that will help you learn a god damn thing. Think of it like achieving level 99 in Final Fantasy VII and how easy it is to kill everything which means all you have to do is defeat the One Winged Angel…then all you see is the endless look of stars because you have attained the level of immortality:
THAT IS SOME MATRIX SHIT RIGHT THERE, SON! Or I could be in need of a drink; I have cut back A LOT lately which has made me a lot less fun but more coherent and observant…which makes me remember WHY I DRANK SO MUCH SOJU IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE REALITY SUCKS ASS.
So what has made me so calm and rather accepting with the concept of making it happen? Well, though my conversations with the people I identify with most (You know who you are) I have learned that there are some things I have told people to follow that I have not done myself and it was about time to embrace those theories. So, I give you…
The Chachi West Logical Work-Out Plan!
Work out your mind, bitches!
Exercise #1: Understand That Sometimes It Is Them…Not You. So Fuck Them.
You see, this was something I had to tell people a lot because I have interviewed a lot. I mean A LOT. I mean if interviews were fucking I would make Madonna and Gene Simmons look like Jordin Sparks. I am a fucking WHORE, whether I am working or not. You see, a manager once told me that interviews are a great tool to learn how to effectively communicate for the job you want because there is no better practice than actually performing. Mock interviews are fucking bullshit because you never know what will happen until you DO IT. They will never always be the same but the more experience you have the better you can use a previous experience to approach a situation you think it may work for. Win or lose, you put it out there and there is no shame in defeat if you performed to the best of your ability and left it all out there. Yes, it is cliché and rather “well, no shit” but most people never grasp that and take not getting a job personally.
Now for a long time I had a real good interview to job ratio up until about August of 2008. I was literally 5 for 5. Now three of those were for the same damn company which became real-life Ike and Tina story except fewer Grammys. But we had some hits…mainly to my face for not singing the track right:
Ike Strikes Back - The best free videos are right here
THAT BE THE PROBLEM IS! Also, this isn’t counting the many jobs I worked at for like three weeks and quit because I didn’t like the color scheme of the office. Which I did quite often but hey, I do what I need to do. When people go in for an interview and don’t get the job, they get hurt about the fact that they were not chosen for the position. I have had to do HR functions (One of the downsides of being a contractor: you are the company bitch) and there are a lot of times when you get called in for an interview and you have no chance in hell of getting the job. You may be the token interview (As a darkie…you can tell) or just someone because they need to fill three slots and you know damn well you are under qualified (Been there too). Either way, you can’t take it personally if you did all you can do. If you explain your skills and what makes you a fit and answer all of their questions effectively and efficiently and you STILL don’t even get to go down the Soul Train line of getting a “fuck yo ass, we found someone else!” email or call then you know what?
IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT
Now this was something I struggled with. You don’t want to sound like a rape victim and saying “I showed up drunk at a frat party dressed like a schoolgirl and started dry-humping the offensive line of the football team with no panties on while singing Adina Howard’s “Freak Like Me” and wearing a button that said “Blow Jobs Make For A Strong Economy” but they had NO RIGHT!” but you have accept that sometimes you are not a fit. Whether it is that you are not qualified or they had someone else in mine. What you have to remember is that they could give a rats ass about you or your situation. It is like being upset over a woman or man that dumped you (Boy…do I know THAT SHIT WELL) and not realizing SHE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE THEY DUMPED YOU! They are too busy fucking who they dumped to care about your feelings so you should just chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game and move on to find a fit elsewhere. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be and the sooner you accept that the easier it is to accept rejection when you give it your all and you happen to fail. Now if you half-ass it and fail you have no one to blame for your it except your own dumb ass. You know who you are and I so hate you. It takes a while because it is almost an instinct to be hurt when you are rejected but in the end it isn’t about you, it is about them. It is their loss they didn’t hire you and the one that does is going to get a kick ass employee (Or get a kick-ass partner, however you want to slice it)
Exercise #2: Change Yourself For The Better, Not Just For The Sense of Change. That Shit Is Dumb.
Now this is one that people really seem to just take to the wayside of dipshittery. Now I went on a kick where “I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT NO MORE!” and gave myself a timeline for a rather important decision. However, this wasn’t a spur of the moment move as much as it was a move that kept getting deferred (Or I kept talking myself out of, depending on the when and where) and I finally just said unless something major happens to make me happy where I am at, I need a timeline to get my ass in gear. Nothing wrong with that IMHO but others may look at it another way and I respect that. Still, eat a dick because I am right and you are nothing because this is my fucking blog and if you don’t like it go read www.jesussaves.org or some shit because you are in the wrong place. However, if you are going to follow this plan you need to understand that change for the sake of change is not really good change. Think about the Power Rangers for a second here:
Did they REALLY need to go into fucking space? Or back in time? OR USE FUCKING MAGING?! NO but they did it to do it and the show suffered for it. Wizard Rangers…what bullshit. Think of your life the same way. Changing for the sake of change is like changing hair color because you want to or because you are a woman and indecisive (LE ZING!). Sure it looks good for the time being for the occasion or situation at hand but changing hair color is a harsh process on your hair and scalp. After a while, your hair begins to die out and the quality of the job gets worse and worse until your hair falls out and you have nothing left. See, sometimes I can be magic. In other words, change SHOULD be for a reason to advance who you are or what you want to be. Change can be something sudden or something that takes a while to develop over time but it should be thought out and should be for the best.
Exercise #3: No One Is Going To Love You For You. Nor Should They If You Don't Love Your-Own-Damn-Self.
You see, this is something that I have never understood. How can people ask to be and get all pissy when people don’t love them “for them?” Hell, I would say 70% of the people out there don’t LOVE THEMSELVES! Not in the GOOD way that requires an Asa Akira video and a total lack of self-respect, but in the bad way in which they always complain about no one loving them for who they are because they are “misunderstood” or “outside of the box.” Bros, chads, niggas and dumb bitches are firmly entrenched the box of being a fucktard and they are happier than a retard with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.Why? Because they know they are a fucktard and are happy with it! It hit me last year (Shit, it may have been 2007) when I realized that bros don’t care that I think they are assholes with no fashion sense. They are knee-deep in women that kind of don’t care about that because they have mastered the art of stroking their self-esteem (Man, I am so awesome when I am right!). You think niggas care about the fact they are making normal Black people look bad for being overall undereducated fuckers? NO! THEY ARE STACKING THOSE CHIPS AND COUNTING THOSE KEYS, NIGGA! They get bitches by the pound! You think dumb bitches CARE about the fact they will fuck anything that moves after three Long Island Iced Teas? NO! They are already dead inside so they might as well be happy by filling that void with dicks, free drinks and the occasional night where they can say how stupid they were because plausible deniability is reality to fuckwit! Do you see what I am getting at here?
All You Can Be Is You, So Be The Best You That You Can and Want To Be.
They are happy and content with who they are and they live their life accordingly. This used to piss me off but when I was posed the question “Is it us that is stupid or is it them?” I used to think it was them until the day at NDK when the Peanut Butter Jelly Time Banana had two chicks on his arm and we questioned how that made sense and someone stated “If dressing in a banana suit got two chicks on MY arms I would do it! He is doing SOMETHING RIGHT!” That is kind of when I began to think the problem is on both sides. Fucktards should not be the way they are but in the end if you aren’t being you to the best of YOUR ability how in the FUCK CAN YOU COMMENT ON THEM. I have been focusing on what I need to do to get where I want to be and how I will get there. How can I want to be with someone else when I don’t know me (Yes…there is a someone that I want to be with and shockingly it is NOT ZAC EFRON! OOOOHHHH, THE DRAMA!!) enough? What kind of service will I be to them if I am of not of service to my own ideas yet? That right there was a tough pill to swallow but I did and boy was I HIGH for a while. Yet, by doing that you confront a lot of things about yourself that you either held back or ignored and it is a great help. Work it out!
Now back to the initial statement of no one loving you for you. People have asked me what I mean because I am really against changing for the sake of change and I am kind of against changing who you are for a person. Now negative aspects I can understand but just changing things that make you who you are to appease someone else isn’t healthy IMHO. YC and I had this conversation on Friday and our consensus is that changing yourself should be based on where you want to be. For a long time I was the misunderstood guy with a heart of gold…that got shit on pretty much at every turn. So you know what? I decided that was not going to work for me if I wanted to keep my sanity and from going TOTALLY EMO. So I decided to change a little bit of my mindset of what I thought about myself and kind of told everyone to fuck off. Not in the way of alienation but in the way of there are things about me that I feel help make me who I am and a better person and if that is something about me that you don’t like…tough shit. It whittles down my options in life (Relationships and job opportunities) but I have learned that sometimes narrowing things down is the best way to go. The blanket approach may work in a lot of cases but in finding what you REALLY WANT…you end up worse for wear a lot of times when you spread your wants thin. Just saying.
So I am just letting you know that this in itself isn’t a paradigm shift. I still despise people for the most part and think douchery is an act punishable by non-consensual anal rape (More on that during my next post. Nothing says love like a little sodomy!) by a furry. At the same time, I have come to grips that people are going to be how they are no matter what. You can’t make someone love you no matter how much you care, you can’t make a job hire you no matter how qualified you are and you can’t beat Street Fighter 4 no matter how many combos you master. I mean seriously; AM I THIS OUT OF PRACTICE?! You just have to work on you. Man, I wish I knew all of this at 22. I would have saved a lot of bullshit, I tell you what. David Bowie, take us home with a ditty:
LOVE. THAT. SONG. Yeah, Black people like David Bowie. I am dead serious about the title of this post, too. If I don't hear some David Bowie at my funeral I am haunting ALL OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I am not playing about this one. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Now THAT is an angry fucking song. However, I digress. You see, this year I did something that I hadn’t done in about a year and a half. I actually followed my own advice. You see, for some reason because I had consistently either fucked up my own life or had things so fucking out-of-this-world happen to me (Having your job split like the legs of a schoolgirl in Japan into three jobs and outsourced three times in one week? Really? To three fucking continents? REALLY?! FUCKING REALLY?! MOTHERFUCKING CUNT SWABS!) it seemed that people looked to me to help me with their problems. Which was odd as hell because I am a damn wreck but I began to notice that what I was telling others was actually working for them and yet I would not do those same things myself. Call it grasping to what was familiar, call it being stubborn but it ended up in me being pissed off about everything because nothing was working for you. If you read the blog you know about some of it and if you know me you know about a little bit more (Most of my life is on the web so…not much I can do to hide shit but it makes for good reading, doesn’t it?) and you know that I am have toned down a lot in terms of anger over the last six months and have slowly slid into a realm of complete contentment into everything that happens which I thought was good but in the end is even worse that being angry all the time because when you are content with where you are, you have no drive to go where you want to be.
So over the last few months I have had some real soul searching (And in some cases enlightening to the point of WHY IN THE FUCK DID I NOT DO THIS EARLIER?!) conversations with Young Copper, K-Money and The Grizzle which have actually made me look at things the way I tell other people to look at them and it actually has been fucking working. Well, until Wednesday when the chocolate rain of shitting on the hard work I did to create change in my life came down like a Tay Zonday concert at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Yes, I am a wordsmith. However, that is life and how you handle it shows your character and determines your level of sanity when it comes to complications. I would have to say that as of right now, I am handling the asininity of the things that come my way (Taking a 35% pay cut just to not say I am unemployed, driving halfway across the state to work someplace that pays me the exact same as a graduate from a shithole like DeVry, coming to the realization that a woman will never love me for me if I keep telling her what is wrong with her) as well adjusted as the next person who has no pride, self-esteem or desire to live past 30. I kid, I kid.
However, I believe that what makes you is the understanding and the overcoming of your failures because the ideal of striving for perfection is a concept flawed in its execution because the attainment of perfection equals the end in the pursuit. Which means you fucking die because there is nothing else to do that will help you learn a god damn thing. Think of it like achieving level 99 in Final Fantasy VII and how easy it is to kill everything which means all you have to do is defeat the One Winged Angel…then all you see is the endless look of stars because you have attained the level of immortality:
THAT IS SOME MATRIX SHIT RIGHT THERE, SON! Or I could be in need of a drink; I have cut back A LOT lately which has made me a lot less fun but more coherent and observant…which makes me remember WHY I DRANK SO MUCH SOJU IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE REALITY SUCKS ASS.
So what has made me so calm and rather accepting with the concept of making it happen? Well, though my conversations with the people I identify with most (You know who you are) I have learned that there are some things I have told people to follow that I have not done myself and it was about time to embrace those theories. So, I give you…
The Chachi West Logical Work-Out Plan!
Work out your mind, bitches!
Exercise #1: Understand That Sometimes It Is Them…Not You. So Fuck Them.
You see, this was something I had to tell people a lot because I have interviewed a lot. I mean A LOT. I mean if interviews were fucking I would make Madonna and Gene Simmons look like Jordin Sparks. I am a fucking WHORE, whether I am working or not. You see, a manager once told me that interviews are a great tool to learn how to effectively communicate for the job you want because there is no better practice than actually performing. Mock interviews are fucking bullshit because you never know what will happen until you DO IT. They will never always be the same but the more experience you have the better you can use a previous experience to approach a situation you think it may work for. Win or lose, you put it out there and there is no shame in defeat if you performed to the best of your ability and left it all out there. Yes, it is cliché and rather “well, no shit” but most people never grasp that and take not getting a job personally.
Now for a long time I had a real good interview to job ratio up until about August of 2008. I was literally 5 for 5. Now three of those were for the same damn company which became real-life Ike and Tina story except fewer Grammys. But we had some hits…mainly to my face for not singing the track right:
Ike Strikes Back - The best free videos are right here
THAT BE THE PROBLEM IS! Also, this isn’t counting the many jobs I worked at for like three weeks and quit because I didn’t like the color scheme of the office. Which I did quite often but hey, I do what I need to do. When people go in for an interview and don’t get the job, they get hurt about the fact that they were not chosen for the position. I have had to do HR functions (One of the downsides of being a contractor: you are the company bitch) and there are a lot of times when you get called in for an interview and you have no chance in hell of getting the job. You may be the token interview (As a darkie…you can tell) or just someone because they need to fill three slots and you know damn well you are under qualified (Been there too). Either way, you can’t take it personally if you did all you can do. If you explain your skills and what makes you a fit and answer all of their questions effectively and efficiently and you STILL don’t even get to go down the Soul Train line of getting a “fuck yo ass, we found someone else!” email or call then you know what?
IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT
Now this was something I struggled with. You don’t want to sound like a rape victim and saying “I showed up drunk at a frat party dressed like a schoolgirl and started dry-humping the offensive line of the football team with no panties on while singing Adina Howard’s “Freak Like Me” and wearing a button that said “Blow Jobs Make For A Strong Economy” but they had NO RIGHT!” but you have accept that sometimes you are not a fit. Whether it is that you are not qualified or they had someone else in mine. What you have to remember is that they could give a rats ass about you or your situation. It is like being upset over a woman or man that dumped you (Boy…do I know THAT SHIT WELL) and not realizing SHE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE THEY DUMPED YOU! They are too busy fucking who they dumped to care about your feelings so you should just chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game and move on to find a fit elsewhere. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be and the sooner you accept that the easier it is to accept rejection when you give it your all and you happen to fail. Now if you half-ass it and fail you have no one to blame for your it except your own dumb ass. You know who you are and I so hate you. It takes a while because it is almost an instinct to be hurt when you are rejected but in the end it isn’t about you, it is about them. It is their loss they didn’t hire you and the one that does is going to get a kick ass employee (Or get a kick-ass partner, however you want to slice it)
Exercise #2: Change Yourself For The Better, Not Just For The Sense of Change. That Shit Is Dumb.
Now this is one that people really seem to just take to the wayside of dipshittery. Now I went on a kick where “I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT NO MORE!” and gave myself a timeline for a rather important decision. However, this wasn’t a spur of the moment move as much as it was a move that kept getting deferred (Or I kept talking myself out of, depending on the when and where) and I finally just said unless something major happens to make me happy where I am at, I need a timeline to get my ass in gear. Nothing wrong with that IMHO but others may look at it another way and I respect that. Still, eat a dick because I am right and you are nothing because this is my fucking blog and if you don’t like it go read www.jesussaves.org or some shit because you are in the wrong place. However, if you are going to follow this plan you need to understand that change for the sake of change is not really good change. Think about the Power Rangers for a second here:
Did they REALLY need to go into fucking space? Or back in time? OR USE FUCKING MAGING?! NO but they did it to do it and the show suffered for it. Wizard Rangers…what bullshit. Think of your life the same way. Changing for the sake of change is like changing hair color because you want to or because you are a woman and indecisive (LE ZING!). Sure it looks good for the time being for the occasion or situation at hand but changing hair color is a harsh process on your hair and scalp. After a while, your hair begins to die out and the quality of the job gets worse and worse until your hair falls out and you have nothing left. See, sometimes I can be magic. In other words, change SHOULD be for a reason to advance who you are or what you want to be. Change can be something sudden or something that takes a while to develop over time but it should be thought out and should be for the best.
Exercise #3: No One Is Going To Love You For You. Nor Should They If You Don't Love Your-Own-Damn-Self.
You see, this is something that I have never understood. How can people ask to be and get all pissy when people don’t love them “for them?” Hell, I would say 70% of the people out there don’t LOVE THEMSELVES! Not in the GOOD way that requires an Asa Akira video and a total lack of self-respect, but in the bad way in which they always complain about no one loving them for who they are because they are “misunderstood” or “outside of the box.” Bros, chads, niggas and dumb bitches are firmly entrenched the box of being a fucktard and they are happier than a retard with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.Why? Because they know they are a fucktard and are happy with it! It hit me last year (Shit, it may have been 2007) when I realized that bros don’t care that I think they are assholes with no fashion sense. They are knee-deep in women that kind of don’t care about that because they have mastered the art of stroking their self-esteem (Man, I am so awesome when I am right!). You think niggas care about the fact they are making normal Black people look bad for being overall undereducated fuckers? NO! THEY ARE STACKING THOSE CHIPS AND COUNTING THOSE KEYS, NIGGA! They get bitches by the pound! You think dumb bitches CARE about the fact they will fuck anything that moves after three Long Island Iced Teas? NO! They are already dead inside so they might as well be happy by filling that void with dicks, free drinks and the occasional night where they can say how stupid they were because plausible deniability is reality to fuckwit! Do you see what I am getting at here?
All You Can Be Is You, So Be The Best You That You Can and Want To Be.
They are happy and content with who they are and they live their life accordingly. This used to piss me off but when I was posed the question “Is it us that is stupid or is it them?” I used to think it was them until the day at NDK when the Peanut Butter Jelly Time Banana had two chicks on his arm and we questioned how that made sense and someone stated “If dressing in a banana suit got two chicks on MY arms I would do it! He is doing SOMETHING RIGHT!” That is kind of when I began to think the problem is on both sides. Fucktards should not be the way they are but in the end if you aren’t being you to the best of YOUR ability how in the FUCK CAN YOU COMMENT ON THEM. I have been focusing on what I need to do to get where I want to be and how I will get there. How can I want to be with someone else when I don’t know me (Yes…there is a someone that I want to be with and shockingly it is NOT ZAC EFRON! OOOOHHHH, THE DRAMA!!) enough? What kind of service will I be to them if I am of not of service to my own ideas yet? That right there was a tough pill to swallow but I did and boy was I HIGH for a while. Yet, by doing that you confront a lot of things about yourself that you either held back or ignored and it is a great help. Work it out!
Now back to the initial statement of no one loving you for you. People have asked me what I mean because I am really against changing for the sake of change and I am kind of against changing who you are for a person. Now negative aspects I can understand but just changing things that make you who you are to appease someone else isn’t healthy IMHO. YC and I had this conversation on Friday and our consensus is that changing yourself should be based on where you want to be. For a long time I was the misunderstood guy with a heart of gold…that got shit on pretty much at every turn. So you know what? I decided that was not going to work for me if I wanted to keep my sanity and from going TOTALLY EMO. So I decided to change a little bit of my mindset of what I thought about myself and kind of told everyone to fuck off. Not in the way of alienation but in the way of there are things about me that I feel help make me who I am and a better person and if that is something about me that you don’t like…tough shit. It whittles down my options in life (Relationships and job opportunities) but I have learned that sometimes narrowing things down is the best way to go. The blanket approach may work in a lot of cases but in finding what you REALLY WANT…you end up worse for wear a lot of times when you spread your wants thin. Just saying.
So I am just letting you know that this in itself isn’t a paradigm shift. I still despise people for the most part and think douchery is an act punishable by non-consensual anal rape (More on that during my next post. Nothing says love like a little sodomy!) by a furry. At the same time, I have come to grips that people are going to be how they are no matter what. You can’t make someone love you no matter how much you care, you can’t make a job hire you no matter how qualified you are and you can’t beat Street Fighter 4 no matter how many combos you master. I mean seriously; AM I THIS OUT OF PRACTICE?! You just have to work on you. Man, I wish I knew all of this at 22. I would have saved a lot of bullshit, I tell you what. David Bowie, take us home with a ditty:
LOVE. THAT. SONG. Yeah, Black people like David Bowie. I am dead serious about the title of this post, too. If I don't hear some David Bowie at my funeral I am haunting ALL OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I am not playing about this one. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Friday, February 20, 2009
Man, YA-KYIM Has Transcended Awesome...
It is about that time! Five straight days of posts is hard work but you know I just did it! We end it with the Friday staple!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Rough week for me but even rougher for these artists on Falling Out:
Paramore – Decode (Peaked at #3)
Game featuring Ne-Yo – Camera Phone (Peaked at #13)
Both Game and Paramore were former number one artists but failed to recapture the success. This week we begin with the RETURN OF THE GREATEST BAND SINCE BOSTON!!!
20. Abingdon Boys School - STRENGTH (New Entry)
TM Revolution brings ABS back to the Top 20! After over a year of hiatus, they return with the closing theme to Soul Eater which I have to say HELLS YES! The video is simple and oddly enough reminds me of the Beetlejuice suit but still…IT IS TM REVOLUTION! FTW!
19. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #16, Four Weeks at #1)
BoA falls a big three spots this week as it looks like she is spending her last week in the Top 20 after a dominant 2009 and end of 2008. Man…I need her English album now.
18. T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake – Dead and Gone (New Entry)
The second debut this week is from a man I won’t be seeing for a while. But he brought back J-Tim with him to boot! This is one of my favorite songs on the Paper Trail album and the video is a little more low key than his last few but it is a perfect parallel for the going to jail aspect. Good stuff!
17. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #20)
Shion moves up this week with her first time out. You know, the filler aspect of the new Bleach arc totally works with the look into the past. Nothing to do with this video but I likes my Bleach.
16. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #14)
Two more spots they fall as Ikimonogakari continues their downward spiral. I don’t see anything new coming from them in a while either. NOOOOO!
15. Young Jeezy featuring Nas – My President Is Black (Last Week #13)
Jeezy and Nas fall two big spots this week as it looks like Jeezy will fail to hit the Top 10 yet again. After a pretty good run he has been held back two straight times. Nas on the other hand has never been up there. For shame because I am a Nas fan.
14. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #12)
Nana falls two spots this week as we move on. Man, I still dig this song something fierce. And she is a cutie patootie! With Yuna Ito back though…she has to move down on the list some.
13. BoA - Eien (Last Week #15)
My baby boo is moving up! I am wonder if this song is part of a Japanese language album because if so…damn it I’m gonna be all over YesAsia.
12. Kanye West – Heartless (Last Week #10)
NEW KANYE! AND IT IS GOOD KANYE! Digitally pixilated but still. NEW KANYE!
11. UVERworld – 99/100 Damashi no Tetsu (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
THE WORLD HAS A NEW ALBUM! I am going to say this…right now. Everyone else making albums in 2009 should sit down because it is over. UVERworld is back and they are rocking your damn face into your ass. Because of that, they move up a massive seven spots this week. HELLS AND YES!
10. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 8)
We are into the Top 10 and it looks like Aqua Timez are on their way out. It was a good comeback as they were so close to the top only to be thwarted by the juggernaught that is YA-KYIM but everyone else has, too.
9. John Legend – Everybody Knows (Last Week #11)
John Legend is back, people! I have officially made this my new favorite R&B video not made by Ciara (I am feeling that video, BTW) and I have to say that it is good to see him step from behind the piano.
8. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #5)
Joe Inoue falls out of the Top Five this week. They have a new video and single so that does take away the sting some, though. That and why isn’t Naruto being subbed anymore? I mean I haven’t watched it in like 20 episodes but still! I liked it being there for me to not download! I kid, I kid I miss it.
7. B.o.B. – I’ll Be In The Sky (Last Week #9)
B.o.B. is slowly but surely moving up the Countdown as he hops up two spots this week. You know…I think he may be a Chappelle. Look at him and tell me you don’t think “Piss On You Remix!”
6. YA-KYIM respects KOME KOME CLUB – Kimi Ga Iru Dake De (Last Week #2, Four Weeks at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
After ruling the Countdown for a full month, YA-KYIM not only lost the top spot two weeks ago but they fall from the Top Five this week! Can they rebound? Let’s find out!
5. BACK-ON – flyaway (Last Week #7)
BACK-ON is higher than they have been in THREE YEARS as they are back in the Top Five! Can they reclaim the success of Chain? I know this; I am pissed I gotta wait another year for a new album from these guys.
4. Jesse McCartney – It’s Over (Last Week #6)
J-Mac is one step away from the Top Three! He moves up two more spots as he looks to bring pop back to the Countdown from the male side. New video out but I am still all about this one. But with that said…we are down to three!
3. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #1. One Week at #1)
After a long journey and a week at the top, RSP and BGB falls two spots to the bronze medal position! RSP has a new video out though and BGB…well no one really knows what they do because they are too awesome.
2. NERD – Sooner or Later (Last Week #4)
Pharrell has silently moved back to the runner up spot! NERD has move up two spots and look to capture the top spot for the first time ever. Skateboard P was on top with CRS but can he do it with his original group? If so it will have to be next week because we have a new number one video!
1. YA-KYIM respects SEAMO - SA IKOU! (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
For the second time of 2009, YA-KYIM captures the crown! After about two months of steady climbing they have their second number one video of the year. Do we have a new dynasty on our hands? They already have more number one videos than Bennie K and Wonder Girls so…we may have new queens! Congrats!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can make it two weeks in a row back at the top! Or will NERD finally capture the crown? Or can RSP rebound and make it a second non-consecutive weeks? See you in seven!
Well, odds are it is Denver after work tonight and I believe downtown on Saturday so don’t expect to see me this weekend. You may, but it won’t be likely. A revelation of a week this week but it worked out for the best as I knuckled up about stuff but still. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Rough week for me but even rougher for these artists on Falling Out:
Paramore – Decode (Peaked at #3)
Game featuring Ne-Yo – Camera Phone (Peaked at #13)
Both Game and Paramore were former number one artists but failed to recapture the success. This week we begin with the RETURN OF THE GREATEST BAND SINCE BOSTON!!!
20. Abingdon Boys School - STRENGTH (New Entry)
TM Revolution brings ABS back to the Top 20! After over a year of hiatus, they return with the closing theme to Soul Eater which I have to say HELLS YES! The video is simple and oddly enough reminds me of the Beetlejuice suit but still…IT IS TM REVOLUTION! FTW!
19. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #16, Four Weeks at #1)
BoA falls a big three spots this week as it looks like she is spending her last week in the Top 20 after a dominant 2009 and end of 2008. Man…I need her English album now.
18. T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake – Dead and Gone (New Entry)
The second debut this week is from a man I won’t be seeing for a while. But he brought back J-Tim with him to boot! This is one of my favorite songs on the Paper Trail album and the video is a little more low key than his last few but it is a perfect parallel for the going to jail aspect. Good stuff!
17. Shion Tsuji – Sky Chord ~Otona ni Naru Kimi he~ (Last Week #20)
Shion moves up this week with her first time out. You know, the filler aspect of the new Bleach arc totally works with the look into the past. Nothing to do with this video but I likes my Bleach.
16. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #14)
Two more spots they fall as Ikimonogakari continues their downward spiral. I don’t see anything new coming from them in a while either. NOOOOO!
15. Young Jeezy featuring Nas – My President Is Black (Last Week #13)
Jeezy and Nas fall two big spots this week as it looks like Jeezy will fail to hit the Top 10 yet again. After a pretty good run he has been held back two straight times. Nas on the other hand has never been up there. For shame because I am a Nas fan.
14. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #12)
Nana falls two spots this week as we move on. Man, I still dig this song something fierce. And she is a cutie patootie! With Yuna Ito back though…she has to move down on the list some.
13. BoA - Eien (Last Week #15)
My baby boo is moving up! I am wonder if this song is part of a Japanese language album because if so…damn it I’m gonna be all over YesAsia.
12. Kanye West – Heartless (Last Week #10)
NEW KANYE! AND IT IS GOOD KANYE! Digitally pixilated but still. NEW KANYE!
11. UVERworld – 99/100 Damashi no Tetsu (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
THE WORLD HAS A NEW ALBUM! I am going to say this…right now. Everyone else making albums in 2009 should sit down because it is over. UVERworld is back and they are rocking your damn face into your ass. Because of that, they move up a massive seven spots this week. HELLS AND YES!
10. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 8)
We are into the Top 10 and it looks like Aqua Timez are on their way out. It was a good comeback as they were so close to the top only to be thwarted by the juggernaught that is YA-KYIM but everyone else has, too.
9. John Legend – Everybody Knows (Last Week #11)
John Legend is back, people! I have officially made this my new favorite R&B video not made by Ciara (I am feeling that video, BTW) and I have to say that it is good to see him step from behind the piano.
8. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #5)
Joe Inoue falls out of the Top Five this week. They have a new video and single so that does take away the sting some, though. That and why isn’t Naruto being subbed anymore? I mean I haven’t watched it in like 20 episodes but still! I liked it being there for me to not download! I kid, I kid I miss it.
7. B.o.B. – I’ll Be In The Sky (Last Week #9)
B.o.B. is slowly but surely moving up the Countdown as he hops up two spots this week. You know…I think he may be a Chappelle. Look at him and tell me you don’t think “Piss On You Remix!”
6. YA-KYIM respects KOME KOME CLUB – Kimi Ga Iru Dake De (Last Week #2, Four Weeks at #1)[Plunge of the Week]
After ruling the Countdown for a full month, YA-KYIM not only lost the top spot two weeks ago but they fall from the Top Five this week! Can they rebound? Let’s find out!
5. BACK-ON – flyaway (Last Week #7)
BACK-ON is higher than they have been in THREE YEARS as they are back in the Top Five! Can they reclaim the success of Chain? I know this; I am pissed I gotta wait another year for a new album from these guys.
4. Jesse McCartney – It’s Over (Last Week #6)
J-Mac is one step away from the Top Three! He moves up two more spots as he looks to bring pop back to the Countdown from the male side. New video out but I am still all about this one. But with that said…we are down to three!
3. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #1. One Week at #1)
After a long journey and a week at the top, RSP and BGB falls two spots to the bronze medal position! RSP has a new video out though and BGB…well no one really knows what they do because they are too awesome.
2. NERD – Sooner or Later (Last Week #4)
Pharrell has silently moved back to the runner up spot! NERD has move up two spots and look to capture the top spot for the first time ever. Skateboard P was on top with CRS but can he do it with his original group? If so it will have to be next week because we have a new number one video!
1. YA-KYIM respects SEAMO - SA IKOU! (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
For the second time of 2009, YA-KYIM captures the crown! After about two months of steady climbing they have their second number one video of the year. Do we have a new dynasty on our hands? They already have more number one videos than Bennie K and Wonder Girls so…we may have new queens! Congrats!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if YA-KYIM can make it two weeks in a row back at the top! Or will NERD finally capture the crown? Or can RSP rebound and make it a second non-consecutive weeks? See you in seven!
Well, odds are it is Denver after work tonight and I believe downtown on Saturday so don’t expect to see me this weekend. You may, but it won’t be likely. A revelation of a week this week but it worked out for the best as I knuckled up about stuff but still. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Well, I Have Had Just About Enough Of This Bullshit...
Hey, ya’ll! First things first. I’M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!:
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I got that out of my system. Needless to say, I am rather pissed off but life is life. Gotta take what it gives you sometimes. I will say this though: May 1st I am out of this bitch. Set in stone; I have had enough of this shit. Every day I am here past that date a puppy gets hit with EL BRAINBUSTA:
News at 11.
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
I know I pointed out that it is ironic that Jermaine Stewart died of AIDS but…DAMN THAT SHIT IS IRONIC.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak.
Okay, I’m over it now. May 1st can’t come soon enough. Until then, stay up and I will be back up with the Countdown tomorrow. Holy shit…new UVERworld! My sadness is fucking over! TIME TO ROCK OUT!
Chachi Out
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I got that out of my system. Needless to say, I am rather pissed off but life is life. Gotta take what it gives you sometimes. I will say this though: May 1st I am out of this bitch. Set in stone; I have had enough of this shit. Every day I am here past that date a puppy gets hit with EL BRAINBUSTA:
News at 11.
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
I know I pointed out that it is ironic that Jermaine Stewart died of AIDS but…DAMN THAT SHIT IS IRONIC.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak.
Okay, I’m over it now. May 1st can’t come soon enough. Until then, stay up and I will be back up with the Countdown tomorrow. Holy shit…new UVERworld! My sadness is fucking over! TIME TO ROCK OUT!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Broadway: Making People Question My Sexuality Since "Pirates of Penzance"...
Okay, I am back once again. Three posts in three days for the first time in a long time, mostly because I took today off to handle some things. However, I need to put some things out there about some points of contention or interest for me:
To People I Ever Work With: It is none…and I mean NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHAT I DO WITH MY FUCKING DAY OFF. I don’t ask where YOU GO because nine times out of ten I couldn’t give a shit. It is your damn life, not mine and I don’t care what you do with it. People at a job act like taking a day off means you are pissed off and looking for someplace else like going on a vacation to find another mate. However, we arent fucking married so stay out of my business. Pay me and you don’t have to worry about whether I am looking somewhere else. Food for fucking thought. As far as I am concerned, working takes away from my day off time and NOT the other way around. All these days working are cutting into my gaming and fapping.
So what I DID do with my day off is play the Resident Evil 5 demo for the X-Box 360. All I have to say is…WHY IN THE FUCK CAN’T MOVE AND SHOOT AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME?! I mean is Leon so paralyzed by fear after being chased by zombies and giant miscellaneous multi-legged creatures that he still can’t move backward while shooting? Hell, name ONE GAME where you can’t move while shooting and we accept it except for the Resident Evil series? I mean when I think of shooting zombies I would have to stay stationary, too. If I wanted to get eaten like an all lesbian gangbang. Man…I am on my game this week.
On another note, I want to quickly talk about something to the ladies out there. I know that you all think that you look fabulous because…no one has the guts to tell you that you don’t. However, women need to understand that just because you wear it doesn’t make it hot. Now I must be in the minority of males that actually believes that dressing in a manner that doesn’t include sandals, baggy jeans, a Chris Brown (IT IS SO STILL FUNNY!), any sort of trucker hat, a shirt with the collar up or hair gel (Which screams well past queer) is preferred. So I know that my opinion doesn’t matter to you women and odds are you don’t read my blog because you can’t read so this isn’t for you anyway. It has to be said that there are a large percentage of women that can’t dress themselves. They are kind of like children being able to choose their wardrobe for the first time without a parents guiding eye for matching color schemes.
GREEN SHIRT! RED PANTS! ORANGE SOCKS! MY LITTLE PONY SHOES! IT IS LIKE CHRISTMAS AT HASBRO’S HOUSE AT HALLOWEEN!
I know that may SEEM like an exaggeration but have you seen what women consider “fashionable” now days?:
First off…no. No one is rolling up the newspaper and whacking women on the nose and saying “NO! THAT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD! BAD WOMAN! BAD!” because that is what needs to happen. Black people did it to thugs (For the most part. I mean we let them have their bad fashion but we just don’t let them in anywhere dressed like a damn fool) and now women need to curb the behavior of their lesser fashion-inclined sisteren (Like brethren but not). I need to place this task on you because:
1. They Don’t Listen To Me: My experience has taught me that no matter how right I am when telling someone, especially women about what they are doing incorrectly they literally do the exact opposite of the logical decision. I believe it is out of spite because after the fact they are all upset about it but at the same time I just don’t have the wherewithal to do it.
2. Men Won’t Say Anything: You see; men are like dogs in one way and one way only. They can be driven by only primal thought when it comes to women because they care not about what is on the outside. They care about what is on the inside and it is usually pink…or brown if you are some kind of SICK FREAK. Like an dog will forget that there is a leash around its neck when it runs back and forth to chase a car, a dumb man (About 80% of the population of men with about 5%-7% being gay which leaves the men that WILL say something in a very grand minority) will ignore the fact that a woman looks like a whore that was vomited by HR Puffenstuff on an wild trip because if he says she looks good, women are not bright enough to see though that ruse of say what you want to get you to give it up. Ladies…it isn’t science. It’s called lying. For as skilled as you THINK you are at it you figure you would see though them more often.
3. No One Was There To Teach Them: You see, I got my fashion sense from Carlton Banks and Miami Vice. I think I turned out alright, solely for the fact that a lot of those kick ass suits and sweaters aren’t in my size. Who did women have teaching them about fashion during their formative years? The Bratz:
Yeah…no. I think my work here is done.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am no Versace, if for nothing that I am straight and not dead. But I think I have a pretty good fashion sense (I went through my pink phase and my jersey phase prior so I have had my fashion misfit moments. And then there was the shag haircut and the S-Curl…man, I was fly!) enough to at least know that there are a lot of women out there that cant dress. What is even WORSE is that I sit back and critique women (And mens) clothing like some cake eating friend of Dorothy. Seeing as how a lot of you thought I was gay…and you all can go to fucking hell and die…if knowing that a belt is used for a function of holding up pants AND a transition of the outfit (AND SHOULD MATCH EITHER THE SHOES OR SOCKS AT LEAST! GOD I HATE WOMEN!) then give me a pink umbrella crank up the Weather Girls because the forecast says it is about to be wet…BECAUSE IT’S MANDAMONIUM:
Pfft, liking “It’s Raining Men” doesn’t make you gay. Liking “In The Navy” makes you gay, boy! And I hate that song! Now if you excuse me, I have to hope and dream that by next week I will hear the good news that will have me maybe…just maybe…defying gravity:
Totally straight, peeps. Totally straight.
I will try to be back up tomorrow. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
To People I Ever Work With: It is none…and I mean NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHAT I DO WITH MY FUCKING DAY OFF. I don’t ask where YOU GO because nine times out of ten I couldn’t give a shit. It is your damn life, not mine and I don’t care what you do with it. People at a job act like taking a day off means you are pissed off and looking for someplace else like going on a vacation to find another mate. However, we arent fucking married so stay out of my business. Pay me and you don’t have to worry about whether I am looking somewhere else. Food for fucking thought. As far as I am concerned, working takes away from my day off time and NOT the other way around. All these days working are cutting into my gaming and fapping.
So what I DID do with my day off is play the Resident Evil 5 demo for the X-Box 360. All I have to say is…WHY IN THE FUCK CAN’T MOVE AND SHOOT AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME?! I mean is Leon so paralyzed by fear after being chased by zombies and giant miscellaneous multi-legged creatures that he still can’t move backward while shooting? Hell, name ONE GAME where you can’t move while shooting and we accept it except for the Resident Evil series? I mean when I think of shooting zombies I would have to stay stationary, too. If I wanted to get eaten like an all lesbian gangbang. Man…I am on my game this week.
On another note, I want to quickly talk about something to the ladies out there. I know that you all think that you look fabulous because…no one has the guts to tell you that you don’t. However, women need to understand that just because you wear it doesn’t make it hot. Now I must be in the minority of males that actually believes that dressing in a manner that doesn’t include sandals, baggy jeans, a Chris Brown (IT IS SO STILL FUNNY!), any sort of trucker hat, a shirt with the collar up or hair gel (Which screams well past queer) is preferred. So I know that my opinion doesn’t matter to you women and odds are you don’t read my blog because you can’t read so this isn’t for you anyway. It has to be said that there are a large percentage of women that can’t dress themselves. They are kind of like children being able to choose their wardrobe for the first time without a parents guiding eye for matching color schemes.
GREEN SHIRT! RED PANTS! ORANGE SOCKS! MY LITTLE PONY SHOES! IT IS LIKE CHRISTMAS AT HASBRO’S HOUSE AT HALLOWEEN!
I know that may SEEM like an exaggeration but have you seen what women consider “fashionable” now days?:
First off…no. No one is rolling up the newspaper and whacking women on the nose and saying “NO! THAT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD! BAD WOMAN! BAD!” because that is what needs to happen. Black people did it to thugs (For the most part. I mean we let them have their bad fashion but we just don’t let them in anywhere dressed like a damn fool) and now women need to curb the behavior of their lesser fashion-inclined sisteren (Like brethren but not). I need to place this task on you because:
1. They Don’t Listen To Me: My experience has taught me that no matter how right I am when telling someone, especially women about what they are doing incorrectly they literally do the exact opposite of the logical decision. I believe it is out of spite because after the fact they are all upset about it but at the same time I just don’t have the wherewithal to do it.
2. Men Won’t Say Anything: You see; men are like dogs in one way and one way only. They can be driven by only primal thought when it comes to women because they care not about what is on the outside. They care about what is on the inside and it is usually pink…or brown if you are some kind of SICK FREAK. Like an dog will forget that there is a leash around its neck when it runs back and forth to chase a car, a dumb man (About 80% of the population of men with about 5%-7% being gay which leaves the men that WILL say something in a very grand minority) will ignore the fact that a woman looks like a whore that was vomited by HR Puffenstuff on an wild trip because if he says she looks good, women are not bright enough to see though that ruse of say what you want to get you to give it up. Ladies…it isn’t science. It’s called lying. For as skilled as you THINK you are at it you figure you would see though them more often.
3. No One Was There To Teach Them: You see, I got my fashion sense from Carlton Banks and Miami Vice. I think I turned out alright, solely for the fact that a lot of those kick ass suits and sweaters aren’t in my size. Who did women have teaching them about fashion during their formative years? The Bratz:
Yeah…no. I think my work here is done.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am no Versace, if for nothing that I am straight and not dead. But I think I have a pretty good fashion sense (I went through my pink phase and my jersey phase prior so I have had my fashion misfit moments. And then there was the shag haircut and the S-Curl…man, I was fly!) enough to at least know that there are a lot of women out there that cant dress. What is even WORSE is that I sit back and critique women (And mens) clothing like some cake eating friend of Dorothy. Seeing as how a lot of you thought I was gay…and you all can go to fucking hell and die…if knowing that a belt is used for a function of holding up pants AND a transition of the outfit (AND SHOULD MATCH EITHER THE SHOES OR SOCKS AT LEAST! GOD I HATE WOMEN!) then give me a pink umbrella crank up the Weather Girls because the forecast says it is about to be wet…BECAUSE IT’S MANDAMONIUM:
Pfft, liking “It’s Raining Men” doesn’t make you gay. Liking “In The Navy” makes you gay, boy! And I hate that song! Now if you excuse me, I have to hope and dream that by next week I will hear the good news that will have me maybe…just maybe…defying gravity:
Totally straight, peeps. Totally straight.
I will try to be back up tomorrow. Until then, stay up.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
You Know, At This Rate I Am Never Going To Settle Down With A Nice Jewish Doctor...
What is up, peeps?! I am back once again because I think I am going to update the blog more often than once a week. Due to the fact I have to drive across the fucking state to go to work (Underpaid, I might add) which equals a 10 hour day MINIMUM once again, My time to update cuts into sleeping. However, I am going to make a more concerted effort to make sure I update content more than on just Fridays and special events. YOU’RE WELCOME.
So yesterday I made a joke using the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation as the punch line. Now first off, using the phrase “punch line” with that whole fiasco is hilarious. It is like using Sonny Bono’s death as a metaphor for paying attention to shit. Is it offensive? Hell yes but is it funny? Yes, and comedy is the best medicine, especially when you have just gotten your but whooped by the Double Mint gum guy. It’s like getting smacked up by Joey McIntyre, but with better dance moves. Joey was straight so he couldn’t dance like Jordan. ZING! I kid, I kid. Jordan loves the pussy.
But I don’t understand how just because I make light of the situation makes me an advocate for beating women. Anyone that thinks that of me are two things:
1. Is wrong as hell…
2. …but at the same time is dead on.
You see, if you read this blog at any point and time in the past you know that I have always said that domestic violence is wrong no matter WHAT SEX YOU ARE. However, it gets to the point like Katt Williams said about the tiger attacking Siegfried or Roy (The festive one, not the butch one). None of us know what when on when they weren’t in the public eye but I do have to say this about a man that will bust your lip: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A MAN THAT WILL BUST YOUR LIP. If you have a tiger, you know that at some point, whether you EXPECT IT or not, that tiger will go tiger because it is a tiger and at the end of the day it is a wild animal no matter how “friendly” and “non-mauling of my face-like” you think it has become. The same happens with a beater. You can tell if a man is going to punch you in your cakehole for asking what a 2-3 zone is…or getting mad about having jump-offs. I mean…yeah that is pretty jacked up. I’ve been there and when I found out I was quite the pissy. I couldn’t believe The Efron would do that to me! It doesn’t matter if he (Or she…) is nice most of the time but just has a “temper” because you know at some point that “temper” is going to end up with a Killer Instinct 2 ULTRA C-C-C-C-COMBOOOOOO to your face. If Rihanna had been reading GamePro and got some Combo Breakers, we wouldn’t even be worried about this:
For reference, Rihanna:
• Quick breaks Medium
• Medium breaks Fierce
• Fierce breaks Quick
It sounds daunting now but in the heat of battle, you will know what to do. Now show him your moves!
On another note, can someone explain to me why R. Kelly peed on a child and got no jail time. Hell, I believe he got some Grammy Awards. Now some would say that domestic violence is worse than sexual relations with and peeing on a child and I must say that you are kind of comparing Bubsy 3D with Wrath of the Black Manta in terms of horribleness. But the fact that both R. Kelly and Chris Brown have broken a law to a certain extent (With Chris Brown we aren’t legally sure until a hearing but we all know what R. Kelly did. I SEENT IT!) and neither one is in jail is kind of disheartening. Yet Lil Kim went to jail for NOT SNITCHING and Mike Vick is in jail for getting dogs off the street and putting them in an environment where they could learn a trade and do something with themselves. You know, he was almost like the NFL version of Edward James Almos or Michelle Pfeiffer by helping underprivileged youths. For dogs…with a little bit of “Bloodsport” tossed in there for good measure:
FIGHT TO SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!! KUMITE! KUMITE! KUMITE! On another note, can someone find me a movie where Bolo Young actually WINS a tournament? I mean seriously, the dude should be like fucking Goldberg of martial arts films. Anyway I just think it is interesting that T.I. is going to jail for buying guns (Which he was going to also use to keep underprivileged youths out of trouble!) but Chris Brown still has his rights…lefts…and uppercuts to take solace in. Man, I am AWESOME this week! AND IT’S ONLY TUESDAY!
Okay, a lot of that was funny…well, ALL OF IT WAS FUNNY bit it still was not cool. We all know that abuse is a horrible thing (Unless it is against the Irish or the Turks…or Irish-Turks in which you actually get a tax write off) against anyone and we also know that people deserve due process and to have their story heard. Remember the Duke Lacrosse team? Yeah, me neither. Oh, and the rules don’t count for White people because you are White. Deal with it, no one likes you. Have happiness in owning all the shit in this country and quit bitching because your pasty ass can’t say “nigger.” You shouldn’t have a reason to say it any-fucking-way. Man, I am kind of offensive this week. I’m sorry; it must be the Girl Scout cookies. Oh, one last thing: it was brought to my attention that I have offended all races, creeds, genders and religions except for one set of people. And to you, I say this:
FUCK YOU, DENMARK.
YOU OTTER RAPING, YELLOW SNOW EATING, DRUGGED UP MOOSE-FUCKERS.
I think that is everyone. If not, let me know because I really want to be fair in my distain for everyone TO everyone. Goodnight, everybody! I will be back up Wednesday.
Chachi Out.
So yesterday I made a joke using the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation as the punch line. Now first off, using the phrase “punch line” with that whole fiasco is hilarious. It is like using Sonny Bono’s death as a metaphor for paying attention to shit. Is it offensive? Hell yes but is it funny? Yes, and comedy is the best medicine, especially when you have just gotten your but whooped by the Double Mint gum guy. It’s like getting smacked up by Joey McIntyre, but with better dance moves. Joey was straight so he couldn’t dance like Jordan. ZING! I kid, I kid. Jordan loves the pussy.
But I don’t understand how just because I make light of the situation makes me an advocate for beating women. Anyone that thinks that of me are two things:
1. Is wrong as hell…
2. …but at the same time is dead on.
You see, if you read this blog at any point and time in the past you know that I have always said that domestic violence is wrong no matter WHAT SEX YOU ARE. However, it gets to the point like Katt Williams said about the tiger attacking Siegfried or Roy (The festive one, not the butch one). None of us know what when on when they weren’t in the public eye but I do have to say this about a man that will bust your lip: YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A MAN THAT WILL BUST YOUR LIP. If you have a tiger, you know that at some point, whether you EXPECT IT or not, that tiger will go tiger because it is a tiger and at the end of the day it is a wild animal no matter how “friendly” and “non-mauling of my face-like” you think it has become. The same happens with a beater. You can tell if a man is going to punch you in your cakehole for asking what a 2-3 zone is…or getting mad about having jump-offs. I mean…yeah that is pretty jacked up. I’ve been there and when I found out I was quite the pissy. I couldn’t believe The Efron would do that to me! It doesn’t matter if he (Or she…) is nice most of the time but just has a “temper” because you know at some point that “temper” is going to end up with a Killer Instinct 2 ULTRA C-C-C-C-COMBOOOOOO to your face. If Rihanna had been reading GamePro and got some Combo Breakers, we wouldn’t even be worried about this:
For reference, Rihanna:
• Quick breaks Medium
• Medium breaks Fierce
• Fierce breaks Quick
It sounds daunting now but in the heat of battle, you will know what to do. Now show him your moves!
On another note, can someone explain to me why R. Kelly peed on a child and got no jail time. Hell, I believe he got some Grammy Awards. Now some would say that domestic violence is worse than sexual relations with and peeing on a child and I must say that you are kind of comparing Bubsy 3D with Wrath of the Black Manta in terms of horribleness. But the fact that both R. Kelly and Chris Brown have broken a law to a certain extent (With Chris Brown we aren’t legally sure until a hearing but we all know what R. Kelly did. I SEENT IT!) and neither one is in jail is kind of disheartening. Yet Lil Kim went to jail for NOT SNITCHING and Mike Vick is in jail for getting dogs off the street and putting them in an environment where they could learn a trade and do something with themselves. You know, he was almost like the NFL version of Edward James Almos or Michelle Pfeiffer by helping underprivileged youths. For dogs…with a little bit of “Bloodsport” tossed in there for good measure:
FIGHT TO SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!! KUMITE! KUMITE! KUMITE! On another note, can someone find me a movie where Bolo Young actually WINS a tournament? I mean seriously, the dude should be like fucking Goldberg of martial arts films. Anyway I just think it is interesting that T.I. is going to jail for buying guns (Which he was going to also use to keep underprivileged youths out of trouble!) but Chris Brown still has his rights…lefts…and uppercuts to take solace in. Man, I am AWESOME this week! AND IT’S ONLY TUESDAY!
Okay, a lot of that was funny…well, ALL OF IT WAS FUNNY bit it still was not cool. We all know that abuse is a horrible thing (Unless it is against the Irish or the Turks…or Irish-Turks in which you actually get a tax write off) against anyone and we also know that people deserve due process and to have their story heard. Remember the Duke Lacrosse team? Yeah, me neither. Oh, and the rules don’t count for White people because you are White. Deal with it, no one likes you. Have happiness in owning all the shit in this country and quit bitching because your pasty ass can’t say “nigger.” You shouldn’t have a reason to say it any-fucking-way. Man, I am kind of offensive this week. I’m sorry; it must be the Girl Scout cookies. Oh, one last thing: it was brought to my attention that I have offended all races, creeds, genders and religions except for one set of people. And to you, I say this:
FUCK YOU, DENMARK.
YOU OTTER RAPING, YELLOW SNOW EATING, DRUGGED UP MOOSE-FUCKERS.
I think that is everyone. If not, let me know because I really want to be fair in my distain for everyone TO everyone. Goodnight, everybody! I will be back up Wednesday.
Chachi Out.
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