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Sunday, February 24, 2008
For Once, I Didn't Want To Be Right.
So…it looks like I was right.
So after five years of saying it, a woman finally validates it in print. USA! USA! USA! I don’t want to be right about this but if I know about anything, it’s about jerks because women can be them to. If I love anything….it’s the merry go round of a bad woman:
Sing it Keith! 1990 all up in this bitch!
I digress. Women like jerks for two reasons:
1. The initial attention. I mean, if Ike caught Tina with an uppercut to the gut in that first scene of “What’s Love Got To Do With It” I am sure their first date would have been a LITTLE bit different. Jerks will lie and do anything to build up your confidence in hopes of getting your guard down and WHAM! Spike to the skull called a mentally abusive relationship. I have seen it and had it done to me. I tell you, it sucks ass. Yes, there are women jerks too.
2. The seeking of validation. This is also called the “daddy issue” which is another rant altogether but I will touch on here. Nolan and I had this discussion yesterday (working retail, you gotta love it) about how prostitutes have been scientifically shown to be able to have sex with multiple partners because they feel they have an emotional attachment to all their “johns.” So in essence (follow me here because this is where it gets rather deep) when a woman has multiple partners or dates multiple jerks (Yet isn’t a “whore” because they only fuck INDIRECTLY for money) they develop an emotional attachment to said person via sex rather than…actually getting to know the person. I mean that shit is difficult to do, actually TALKING TO PEOPLE AND FINDING OUT THE KIND OF PERSON THEY ARE. While sober, I mean. Men (all three of you that read this) do you ever talk to a woman that you may meet in a club or bar (Bad move already!) and wonder how she can breathe and walk at the same time? You listen to them talk and their social knowledge doesn’t rise above reality TV and Gilmore Girls (Or if they are over 30, Desperate Housewives or Sex In The City)? Congratulations, you have met the woman that woman.
I had this argument in my Women’s Studies classes all the time and everyone would get upset until I proved that they were one of those women. And then we would never speak again. There is a large segment of women out there (I have to go with 35%-40%) that believe that sex equals love. That validates how escorts can do what they do. It also validates women that give it up a lot to no avail. Just because you have sex with a man doesn’t me he loves you. Transition time!
Now on the OTHER hand, now it is time for the men. Men are idiots for the most part and women are REALLY STUPID by giving them way too much credit. Think about it, if men had an emotional attachment to sex as much as women, how could so many of them pay for it and go back to their wives at the end of the night? Men are emotionally inept for the most part which is why jerks are so appealing because like bros they are the norm. A man completely vapid and devoid of any social or emotional charm (But is able to recite rap lyrics or a Jack Johnson song) is a lot easier to attain because he isn’t going to ask you a lot of questions about you because most ladies looking to find a man in a club are EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP ANYWAY. Men know that and that is why they go and invest in buying you drinks. You think he is interested in YOU while he is interested in what being INSIDE OF YOU. Yes, you heard me. I am giving NEITHER SEX credit because both of us are fucking stupid and dont understand each other and that is why we don’t get along.
In the end, the “spell of the jerk” is just them telling you what you want to hear for long enough to get in your pants. At that point, YOU want to start a relationship while HE gets too deep in the game and doesn’t want to seem like a dick completely to your friends. Not because cares, but because he may (OR HAS) want to fuck your hotter, even more emotionally broken friend. So then either he cheats on you and you leave (Or in most cases stay which once again…another rant altogether. Yeah, I’ve been there) or he leaves because he “needs his space” which means he wants to fill another woman space if you know what I mean. And I think you do: coitus. Then you whine to your friends (Or to me which gets annoying because usually I have told you what to do about twelve times before and you didn’t FUCKING DO IT or you are interrupting precious Devil may Cry 4 time) about how “You couldn’t believe you stayed so long!” and “I can’t believe he did this to me! I gave him everything!” when at the end of the day you knew what you were getting into from the start. You can say you didn’t know (Trust me, I know the symptoms because I had them) but at the end of the day, the majority of men are not hard to read. If they are, they are usually single because men that are hard to read means that a woman actually has to work at a conversation or an interaction and why strike up a good conversation when you could just give up the yak because juicy gets the jerks crazy:
To wrap it up in a nutshell, women want jerks because jerks are emotionally inept which means they don’t have to work to build a relationship until AFTER they are together. That is slamming down the outside of a house and then building a frame from the inside. It could work but more often than not, the house ends up falling on top of you and the damage to your head is so severe that you can never build a house correctly again. This breeds insane behavior because at THAT point you try to start relationships the same way with the same type of guys and then it NEVER works because you expect this time to be different and it never is. *Sigh* I am really telling all of this to myself. DRU HILL, HELP ME SING IT!
Everything I say to you I mean about me! – Master Shake
Tis’ all in good fun.
Diddy Out.
So after five years of saying it, a woman finally validates it in print. USA! USA! USA! I don’t want to be right about this but if I know about anything, it’s about jerks because women can be them to. If I love anything….it’s the merry go round of a bad woman:
Sing it Keith! 1990 all up in this bitch!
I digress. Women like jerks for two reasons:
1. The initial attention. I mean, if Ike caught Tina with an uppercut to the gut in that first scene of “What’s Love Got To Do With It” I am sure their first date would have been a LITTLE bit different. Jerks will lie and do anything to build up your confidence in hopes of getting your guard down and WHAM! Spike to the skull called a mentally abusive relationship. I have seen it and had it done to me. I tell you, it sucks ass. Yes, there are women jerks too.
2. The seeking of validation. This is also called the “daddy issue” which is another rant altogether but I will touch on here. Nolan and I had this discussion yesterday (working retail, you gotta love it) about how prostitutes have been scientifically shown to be able to have sex with multiple partners because they feel they have an emotional attachment to all their “johns.” So in essence (follow me here because this is where it gets rather deep) when a woman has multiple partners or dates multiple jerks (Yet isn’t a “whore” because they only fuck INDIRECTLY for money) they develop an emotional attachment to said person via sex rather than…actually getting to know the person. I mean that shit is difficult to do, actually TALKING TO PEOPLE AND FINDING OUT THE KIND OF PERSON THEY ARE. While sober, I mean. Men (all three of you that read this) do you ever talk to a woman that you may meet in a club or bar (Bad move already!) and wonder how she can breathe and walk at the same time? You listen to them talk and their social knowledge doesn’t rise above reality TV and Gilmore Girls (Or if they are over 30, Desperate Housewives or Sex In The City)? Congratulations, you have met the woman that woman.
I had this argument in my Women’s Studies classes all the time and everyone would get upset until I proved that they were one of those women. And then we would never speak again. There is a large segment of women out there (I have to go with 35%-40%) that believe that sex equals love. That validates how escorts can do what they do. It also validates women that give it up a lot to no avail. Just because you have sex with a man doesn’t me he loves you. Transition time!
Now on the OTHER hand, now it is time for the men. Men are idiots for the most part and women are REALLY STUPID by giving them way too much credit. Think about it, if men had an emotional attachment to sex as much as women, how could so many of them pay for it and go back to their wives at the end of the night? Men are emotionally inept for the most part which is why jerks are so appealing because like bros they are the norm. A man completely vapid and devoid of any social or emotional charm (But is able to recite rap lyrics or a Jack Johnson song) is a lot easier to attain because he isn’t going to ask you a lot of questions about you because most ladies looking to find a man in a club are EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP ANYWAY. Men know that and that is why they go and invest in buying you drinks. You think he is interested in YOU while he is interested in what being INSIDE OF YOU. Yes, you heard me. I am giving NEITHER SEX credit because both of us are fucking stupid and dont understand each other and that is why we don’t get along.
In the end, the “spell of the jerk” is just them telling you what you want to hear for long enough to get in your pants. At that point, YOU want to start a relationship while HE gets too deep in the game and doesn’t want to seem like a dick completely to your friends. Not because cares, but because he may (OR HAS) want to fuck your hotter, even more emotionally broken friend. So then either he cheats on you and you leave (Or in most cases stay which once again…another rant altogether. Yeah, I’ve been there) or he leaves because he “needs his space” which means he wants to fill another woman space if you know what I mean. And I think you do: coitus. Then you whine to your friends (Or to me which gets annoying because usually I have told you what to do about twelve times before and you didn’t FUCKING DO IT or you are interrupting precious Devil may Cry 4 time) about how “You couldn’t believe you stayed so long!” and “I can’t believe he did this to me! I gave him everything!” when at the end of the day you knew what you were getting into from the start. You can say you didn’t know (Trust me, I know the symptoms because I had them) but at the end of the day, the majority of men are not hard to read. If they are, they are usually single because men that are hard to read means that a woman actually has to work at a conversation or an interaction and why strike up a good conversation when you could just give up the yak because juicy gets the jerks crazy:
To wrap it up in a nutshell, women want jerks because jerks are emotionally inept which means they don’t have to work to build a relationship until AFTER they are together. That is slamming down the outside of a house and then building a frame from the inside. It could work but more often than not, the house ends up falling on top of you and the damage to your head is so severe that you can never build a house correctly again. This breeds insane behavior because at THAT point you try to start relationships the same way with the same type of guys and then it NEVER works because you expect this time to be different and it never is. *Sigh* I am really telling all of this to myself. DRU HILL, HELP ME SING IT!
Everything I say to you I mean about me! – Master Shake
Tis’ all in good fun.
Diddy Out.
Well, At Least The Trains Run On Time.
Okay, I have had e-fucking-nough. It is time for me to lay down the fucking law to you fuckers. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKING CITY. Not just this city, the entire country but I have to handle one issue at a time. The idiots, bros, whores and fucktards have ran this city long enough and now they need to be told what is wrong and shot in the fucking balls so they can’t reproduce. I am FINISHED PLAYING. Niggas get slapped for breathing from this day forward.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in access is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the indigence that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes!Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Diddy Out.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in access is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the indigence that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes!Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Diddy Out.
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