Sunday, April 12, 2009

What Do Jesus and Uncle Ben Parker Have In Common? NEITHER IS COMING BACK, MOFOS! ZING!

You know you LOL'D at that blog title. If you didnt...it aint gonna get no better. So you may want to leave now. I hear the Hannah Montana movie is out; go see that shit instead.

What is up, peeps! After another rather average weekend it is time to begin another work week but until then, I need to tell people something. No one gives a fuck about Easter except Catholics and furries. Seriously, if you believe in the story of Magical Jesus’s Crucifix Emporium you are a moron (Yeah, I said it) and if you are into the whole Easter Bunny thing then you are a furry and deserve nothing less than FUCKING DEATH. Yeah, I said that too. The fact that people believe the story of Jesus and creationism (Oh, and his eventual Hulk Hogan-like comeback agains the forces of the…Sith?) but cannot accept that he was a Jew which is actually logical and tangible I have to say…your religion is bullshit as a truth. If you ubelieve that it is a kick-ass story full of intrigue and utter contridictions then that is good. But if you celebrate this day because you think the shit actually happened…no. Just no. Stop telling me the story like it makes sense, either.

This goes to all of you religions, too. None of your religions are right so it over it and get over yourselfs. There is nothing wrong with not fucking knowing so STOP MAKING SHIT UP. If you are a Christian, Catholic or whatever and you are offended then you are a fucktard because what I say shouldn’t matter because the word of the Bible is paramount and my insulting of it means nothing because my actions will make it so that I will never know the kingdom of heaven so my words should be moot to you. Besides, if heaven is full of zombies, children hepped up on candy and furries then I say you take your heaven and shove it up your ass. I BID THE GOOD DAY…MOTHERFUCKA! Got to keep it real.

So my distain for your bullshit book and asinine beliefs aside, if you believe in Special J then have fun this Easter and be sure to watch some Korean action movies! It’s what I do on Easter. You color eggs, eat candy, fast and praise the teachings and well deserved death of a mouthy Jew. I watch “The Good, The Bad, The Weird” so it all evens out:

Hells yeah. Byung-Hun Lee > Jesus H. Christ. Yeah, I said it. He is fucking hot and you so know it. I will try to be back up on Monday or Tuesday with something. Until then, stay up and Happy Zombie Jew Day! You know, if I actually had readers people may have been pissed off by this. Since I don’t, I can say what I want! The Wolven bless America!

Chachi Out