The Passion of Chachi: Handle with care

Monday, February 27, 2006

Handle with care

Morning, peeps. It's another Monday morning and man, do I hate Mondays. Not as bad seeing as I don't have to work though. So, how is everyone? Doing okay, peeps? Want a soda? SOOOODA?

So Z asked me why Madea is the number one movie this weekend with 30 million dollars. Keep this in mind: Ray, Walk the Line, Crash and Munich all did about half of that in their first weeks of release. All were better movies. Why did they not succeed and the shitfest that was Madea did? Americans are stupid. Really, a lot Americans of all races, genders and religions are dipshits. Movies like Madea, When A Stranger Calls and any movie with Heath Ledger do well because they play on the stupidest of citizens:

Blacks (I don't wanna hear shit from ya'll. Remember Swatch watches and Malcolm X caps? We EARNED his distincion)
Teenagers (well, from 12-17. See MTV and you will know how stupid they can be. I swear they will watch anything. The reason Party of Five kept coming back and the WB hasnt been destroyed. See Blacks for UPN)
Religious Asshats (From The Passion to Chronicals of Narnia, these people go to see any movie with anything about Jesus en masse. As one who couldn't give a fuck about the guy, I like my Jesus and my movies as far away from each other as possible)

So lets add these factors up:

Famous black actors/actresses? Check. Well, about as famous as you can get without hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. And no one wants to do that. So you you have the Black audience. Dumb ass teen factor? Check. Now this one is touchy because they are targeting BLACK teens. But think about it. Who is blacker than a black teen? A WHITE teen. And what is cool to blacks becomes cool to whites at some point. So it all flows together like your oil and your gas. Ah, MC Hammer. So you have a small segment of the teen audience. Lastly, pointless discussions and links to Big J? Check and check. Tyler Perry is a devout Christian (a big reason I'm not a fan of his work, aside from the fact it sucks) and puts his love of the Baptist church in (from what I can tell) all of his works. So there is always a link to the worlds most famous carpenter, so he has a segment of the religious group. So that is three checks, and those three checks equal about 30 million dollars. I try to help.

Now, I am going to touch on something here. Some of you may be offended, but at this point if you are still reading after the shit I have talked about than this won't matter. We all have heard about Jason McElwain, a trainer for the Greece Athena basketball team that got a chance to play in a games final minutes. He went on to go all Kobe on the opponent and got 20 points in the final 3:41 of the game.

Great story about the trimph of a kid with a serious ailment that got live out his dream. I am not going to rant on that. Something needs to be said about the sportsmanship aspect, though.

History lesson. Steve Spurrier is one of the most despised coaches in sports history. A legend in Flordia Gator football, he led them to 6 SEC championshhps and a national title in 12 years. In his wake there, he left several humiliated teams and pissed off coaches. He was known for running up the scoreboard on opponents, not just to impress the polls but to embarras the opponent. People have said for years he lacks sportsmanship. I however beileve you play till the game is over (Randy Moss, anyone), and your pride means jackshit if you give up and the team scores all over you. You get what you deserve if you quit.

Now back to the game. First off, Greece Athena won 79-43. That is 36 points. That is by all definitions a blow out. When Jason came in, the opponent was ALREADY down by 20 points with 4 plus to go. In the final four minutes, Jason went 6-10 from 3-point range and according to ESPN 7-13 from the floor. Thirteen shots in 4 minutes? That seems to be a little excessive, even for an event like this. Putting him in was awesome, and when I heard that part I was happy for him. As a matter of fact, I was all for him taking a shot. When I found out he missed, I was all for giving him another one. When he his that shot, in the eyes of sportsmanship (in my opinion, just an opinion) I would have instructed him to play the game, not hurl up shots. Getting into a game is more than just scoring. It's about boxing out, passing, screens and the give and go. Yes, I know no one has played defense in the NBA since 1997, that's no reason to not learn the basics. Quite simply, the game was over. You run out the clock and celebrate. No one is taking the feelings of the opponent in to account here.

Now Grizzle asked me 'why didnt they just d him up?' Um...you can't 'd-up' a kid with autisem, I don't even think it is LEGAL. No school will EVER sign you for blocking a shot from a 'special' player. The opponent really had no choice in the matter but to let him score. And that is jacked up. If they would have tried the whole 'foul to put him on the line so we can get the ball quicker' the coach would have been called insensitve. No one calls the coach of Greece Athena insensitve about letting a player shoot more shots in 4 minutes than anyone else shot in the whole game (I'm guessing on that one, havent been able to find a box score). I'm just saying.

Myself, I thought the story was great....until I saw the score. That just has to hurt is all I am saying.

Oh, and lastly Nick Lachey was the second fiddle in his marriage, now he's second fiddle in his own FAMILY. Congratulations to Drew for winning Dancing With The Stars. You are now the most popular Lachey. Like being the most popular Baldwin, I guess.

Also, NEW SOUL'D OUT, FOOL! Well not new, but new to the blog. Urbs Communication for the peeps:

Even mo' Diggy-MO. I have never heard of this song, actually. Good stuff though:

Oh, and I'm really liking Lacey Chabert. Too right. You know, Party of Five had Lacey Chabert AND Jennifer Love Hewitt and STILL got cancelled. THREE TIMES. That's more than enough clevage to save a crappier show.