Cuz I STAYS Droppin' Knowledge!

WHOO-HOO! THREE DAY WEEKEND! What is up peeps?! Pretty action packed first third of the weekend, an afternoon-special like middle and a rather relaxed ending so far. I mean, I can’t be ballin’ 24/7. That is just damn near impossible. I’m not Diddy!

So as you know, I went to see Wicked last week after TWO FUCKING YEARS of ditching the idea due to being poor or getting shitty ass tickets and all I can say is that I was NOT DISAPPOINTED! It was everything I ever dreamed of and more! Seeing as how I haven’t read the book in a few years and my iPod got wiped (because Apple sucks it dry) so my Wicked playlist got lost I was up on the story and was able to still sing along with three songs (All I can say is that I hope a certain someone wasn’t annoyed by my mouthing along to ‘Popular’) and it was a good adaptation (Zach pointed out something I totally missed but hey, reading is NOT ballin’).

So this has to be said: Glenda the Good Witch is HAWT:

I mean god damn I am not a fan of blonds but…I would so LOVE that. Keep in mind we were in box seats and I could see down her gowns (Cleavage at a 75 degree angle? It’s BOOB-TASTIC! They weren't even big either. They were oh so right...) so it was all visual glory. Give me a woman that can sing AND dance and you have my future wife. We could have our arguments in song! How bad ass would that be?! So if you are out there, Christina DeCicco I want to tell you how I feel. Because tonight, baby…I WANNA GET FREAKY WITH YOOOOOOOOOOU!!!

Hells yeah. If you get the chance, go see Wicked. It is great stuff! So now it is time for what is the third most anticipated movie on this blog (behind Spiderman 3 and Transformers) of 2007. Last years ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ was awesome if not riot inducing because of the ending and on Friday came the end of the trilogy. So I give you a Sunday Edition of…

MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!!

This Weeks Movie: Pirates of the Caribeean: At World’s End!

Okay, there were good and bad about this movie….

GOOD:

The Action: My god, if you thought Spiderman 3 and 300 were action packed those movies moved like fucking ‘Contact’ compared to Pirates 3. I can honestly say that this movie is the most ACTION PACKED film ever. From the opening sequence with Chow Yung Fat (Is there a movie where he ISN’T a bad ass? My fucking god the man RULES) to the pirate ship battles (Shades of Pirates! And Skies of Arcadia, fools! If you don’t know, fucking play them because they rock) to the non-stop running the film was a mile a minute. There were a shit load of minutes (more on that later) but the dead spots were minimal unlike Spiderman 3 and the action was fast paced unlike 300.

Johnny Depp: SNOOGLES! Although he wasn’t in the movie for the first 1/5th of the running time, when he DID come in it was awesome. Won’t ruin it, but I will just say that his introduction is the exact same as a lot of my dreams. Just Depp by the ship full! He actually carried the movie because Orlando Bloom is only believable as an elf and Keira Knightley is only believable as an 11 year old boy. Them kissing must send Michael Jackson over the fucking edge (more on that later as well) because their parts were a drag. Luckily it became the Jack Sparrow Show after his arrival because Johnny Depp was as aloof as ever. This performance was better than ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ and on par with ‘Black Pearl’. Oh, and did I mention that Johnny Depp is hot? If I didn’t….he’s hot.

The Effects: $300 MILLION DOLLARS WELL SPENT! This movie is what MC Chris meant when he said ‘epic in scope’ about God of War. Everything about this movie screamed over-the-top from Calypso, to the whirlpool scene to the opening Singapore battle. Pirates was a visual masterpiece. Spiderman had crisper fights and 300 had more epic battles but Pirates was the happy medium. The swashbuckling was well choreographed and the sheer presence of Davy Jones looked like he was real rather than a mish-mash of CGI and animatronics. The movie itself visually was impressive and well worth the watch based on that alone.

HOWEVER…there is some bad news…

BAD:

The Length: Holy fucking shit. 2 hours and 47 minutes was a LONG TIME. Now I will admit that it passed rather quickly, but the time was excessive. 20 minutes could have been cut from this film because although there was a lot of action, there was a bit TOO MUCH action. Even though scenes really didn’t drag and the dead spots were comedic it doesn’t fix the fact that this movie tried to be Lord of the Rings (and that is a can of worms I don’t have time to rant about right now). The only good thing about the length being so long was that it gave more time for action and plot development. Which brings me to my next problem…

The Plot: Okay, I know Spiderman 3 had three conflicts at one time and jumped back and forth but at the end of the day it was linear in scope from beginning to end and nothing was left hanging except for the Sandman and he sucks and was a plot device so it wasn’t that big a deal. As for Pirates 3…

WHAT IN THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!

There were no less than SEVEN plot twists and SIX betrayals in this movie and that is a low ball because after a while I stopped fucking caring and just waited for Jack Sparrow to be funny again and see shit blow up. Seriously, the plot was ALL OVER THE PLACE and not in a good way. I’m not going to sit here and say it is hard to get past that but it explains the length of the movie and was a DAMN GOOD REASON TO CUT IT SHORT BY THIRTY MINUTES! First off, any dialog about Keira’s plot twists could have been removed because it was pointless and could have easily been written out if for nothing else to give Chow some more screen time. It was obvious they tried to fit as much as they could in to this movie and all of that wasn’t even needed. Even though I kept up with the plot twists, a plot twist is like ice cream. If you keep on having them, they lose their appeal. By the time the fifth one happened I no longer cared and it turned me off from the plot. May not be the same for others but I just got annoyed by the ‘What a twist!’ feel of the movie.

The Little Boy Love Story: I could have done without Will Turner and Elizabeth whatever-the-fuck-her-name-was. Keira is not a convincing heroine and as for Orlando Bloom he needs to just fucking stop trying to be Johnny Depp. Their love story is tacked on for one and for two pirates don’t fall in love, they plunder the booty! In more ways than one, if you catch my drift. The only pirate love story was ‘Pirates of Penzance’ and that is more of a loose interpretation of pirate love. If there was EVER a more unconvincing pirate than Orlando Bloom, I’d like to see one. There were other story lines (Davy Jones/Calypso, Jack Sparrow and his father) that could have taken up the 25+ minutes their shitty ass story took up. Besides, you know Jack Sparrow totally wrecked that.

Okay, long story short this movie is a true summer blockbuster. True to form, it is heavy on action and adventure but is surprisingly heavy on plot. Sometimes less is more in the plot department for movies like this but it doesn’t take away from the viewing experience. It’s long and action packed, and if you let the action override the time you would take trying to decipher the plot then you will truly enjoy yourself. If not, you will still like it but nowhere near as much. So because of all these factors, I give this movie…

8 out of 10 Stars!!
(A fun, big budget summer movie. Long like the LOTR and Harry Potter but sadly with the plot ideas of the last two Matrix movies and The Hulk. Luckily, the plot doesn’t drag the overall film near as much as they did. Check it out if you have a free 2 days or so.)

Ladies and gentlemen…I give you the downfall of two sets of people. First, teenage girls:

What in the fuck? A movie based on a toy?! Before you run your mouth about Transformers, that toy has a legend to it and is part of nostalgia for more people than whatever in the fuck Bratz are. Secondly, Transformers gave us ‘You Got The Touch’ by Rick Derringer while the Bratz have given us nothing but the Dumbening of Teenage Girls and the rise of internet speak in the real world. LAWL! OH EM GEE! EN BEE DEE! How about Dee Oh Ay?! Because you r-tards need to die. Yes, I know I said a form of ‘leet speak’ but at least it stays within the community and for the most part isn’t mass marketed. We like our basements and comic book/gamer shops. The makers of this movie obviously wanted to make ‘Mean Girls 2’ but couldn’t get Lindsay Lohan off the white horse long enough to read the fucking script. This movie sucks and if you are a female and you watch it congratulations, you are well on your way to being the next Paris Hilton. Enjoy jail and herpes. The next part of the downfall of society is ‘Lip Gloss’:

Okay, I have ranted on this before because young girls should not want any attention to their fucking mouths. Lip gloss is for…shit I don’t know is it like Chap-Stick? Then USE FUCKING CHAP-STICK! Men aren’t looking at your lips, they are either looking at your tits or like me they aren’t looking at you at all because you are wearing fucking lip gloss and YOU ARE TRYING TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR LIPS AND I AINT FALLING FOR THAT SHIT! That aint my issue at this point in time.

Shucking and jiving! SHUCKING AND JIVING! God-tittyfucking-dammit-Christ-of-all-that-is-fucking-holy! Black people….just stop. I can’t stand this shit. Might as well just shackle myself and take the first fucking bus to Alabama and start picking cotton. It’s times like this where I really believe that deep down, Black people WANT to be caricatures because if you didn’t this shit wouldn’t exist. God, if Obama doesn’t win, Blacks will be back in the fields by 2009. I guarantee it. I can’t be no slave, Silky!

Well, now that I have gotten it out of my system that is all for now. If you look to the side (left on MySpace, right on Blogger) you will see the Countdown play list is updated and SHOULD be running. If not let me know because I spent all day trying to fix that shit. I will be back up at some point this week because I am sure something will piss me off. If not, I will be back on Friday for sure. Until then, stay up peeps and enjoy Monday if you have it off!

Chachi Out!