The Boise Are Back.

What is up peeps?! I am back on a rather dull Sunday to recap an….interesting week. As most of you know, I had to take a four day trip to Boise for work and needless to say I was a tad bit shocked with what I found. Some good, some bad.

Pros: Alcohol Is Cheap.

And I mean REAL CHEAP. My bill for the THREE nights there was the exact same is it was for the Friday night before I left at PF Chang’s. THREE KNIGHTS OF HEAVY ASS DRINKING COST LESS THAN ONE NIGHT IN THIS HELL HOLE. That is fucking stupid. With more people to acquire revenue from, you would figure that the cost of alcohol here would be cheaper since they charge a cover to boot. That is just irritating. I have said it before and I will say it again: The only think that keeps me from being an alcoholic is the cost.

Cons: Wow….I REALLY Don’t Like Lynard Skynard.

FUCK LYNARD SKYNARD! FUCK THEM! Seriously, they fucking suck and White people that love them only love their cousins more. I understand that redneck bars have their place (Just not in America because you fucktards lost the war) and quite simply I don’t belong there. However…yelling “hee-haw” doesn’t make anything better.

Pros: IT’S RAINING MEN!

So on the first night I was there, some co-workers and I partook in the nightlife that was Boise. After some rather interesting developments (Waking up everyone from Boise to Idaho Falls with our yelling, peeing in a bush, peeing on a building, hitting on lesbians) we decided to end our night at a bar/club called “The Balcony.” After going in and scoping we thought it would be a nice place had it not been a Tuesday at about midnight. Then…we realized something. This bar was full of dudes. Then, to top it all off, the bartender called me “sexy.” Now, I know that Asians dig me and all but that was just weird. Because he looked like that dude from MadTV except with muscles:

Nice guy and all but I wasn’t ready for that. However, I went back on Wednesday night when the group and I separated and it wasn’t all that bad! A whole lot of Cher (Which I thought was a stereotype but here I stand corrected) and guys dancing a little too close but aside from that it was hella fun. Felt bad for taking the drinks they bought me, though. Also, it seems that men think cologne smells nice while women think it is pretentious. Who knew?

Cons: Um….Isn’t This Widefield?

So while the majority of my time was spent downtown Boise, there were times we had to bite the bullet and actually train. And that drive to BFE Idaho just made me think…is this Highway 87? Literally, it was like going to that big ass rocking chair before you get to Fountain. Also, the town literally looks like someone took the CSP, cut the mountains down a third, took away 90% of the black people and 100% of the Mexicans (They were THERE I am sure but I didn’t see nary a one. Even the COOKS AND LABORORS were white!) and put it in an even worse state. I was also in a small section of the city but still.

Pros: Bikini Bull Riding

If I have to explain why that is awesome….then there is something wrong with you. Not only that, the bartenders wore chaps and panties. I mean, that is kind of a recipe for business. Although their bartending skills left a lot to be desired and they boobs were faker than their personalities (I mean seriously, bartenders now are just strippers that watched “Cocktail” three times. Saaaaaaad) but overall….dude BIKINI BULL RIDING! I’m all for respecting women (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You know, I’m alright!) but man, that is good stuff.

Overall, Boise wasn’t great. It was a nice breath of fresh air from Colorado Springs but at the end of the day its luster would wear off. There really isn’t much to the area and it seems a little bit too sleepy for my tastes. Despite that, I saw two police officers the whole trip and didn’t see a single homeless person or bro the whole time. Which by default makes it the greatest city ever. It is a great place to live as you can fly to Seattle (or even drive for a three day weekend) and it’s out of the way from the hustle abd bustle of city life. However, to visit means you have no real business there EXCEPT business and it wears thin after a few days. In all serious, it wasn’t bad I just couldn’t live there unless I was TOTALLY ballin and wanted to live somewhere that looked like the city in Napoleon Dynamite:

I couldn’t find the Rex-Kwon-Do Dojo, BTW. Overall, it’s like they said in “Suburban Commando”. It’s a nice place to live, but I wouldn’t want to visit. Yes, I just gave a “Suburban Commando” reference.

So that is all for now. The Second Round of Douchebrawl will end at 8pm MST tonight and the results will be up shortly afterward. Also, my next post will be based off of the summer movie blockbusters seeing as how my raging orgasm last night at “10,000 BC” during the “Iron Man” trailer woke the ghost of Captain America. Until then, I am going to run the streets for a bit. Peace out, peeps.

Diddy Out.