First off, I am all for going slow when it is snowing. Safety first and all that nonsense. However, if you decide to go slow, in the left lane, you open yourself up to a Muscle Buster into the concrete. For those unfamiliar with Japanese wrestling, this is the Muscle Buster, as performed by the Walking Murder Machine, Samoa Joe.
As Cyborg would say: BOO-YAH! FEEL THE PAIN, PUNK ASS DRIVERS!! Be safe, but in the safe lane. Don't hold up the road for those of us speeding and listening to Driver's High. As a matter of fact, I am going to go back to my college paper and say that if driving were more like Mario Kart, the world would be a better place. Now I give you:
Chachi's Rules of the Mario Kart Road!
1. Ramps that can only be cleared by going the speed limit. Between those ramps? Pipe Monsters. The big ones, not those baby ones from the first three Marios. Swallow your car whole like Gina Lynn. Kids, don't look that up. Dudes, she's a champ. Check her out.
2. Randomly placed chain chomps. C'mon, that would kick ten parts of ass. And much like in the jungle and zombie movies, the slow one gets eaten.
3. Automatic Blue Turtle Shells to cars forced to slowdown more than 10mph within 3 seconds. The rewards those that want to win. I hate slowing down because the Stevie Nicks litening freak in front of me is cruising. This is the great equalizer.
4. Power Ups for Aggressive Driving. Like style points in Need For Speed, you get mushrooms, 'naner peels and turtle shells by offensive driving (passing, drifting, etc.). This rewards getting the hell out of my way. Also, you get power ups for hopping through corners. Griff taught me that trick, big ups.
5. Invincibilty Stars! When you get the star and hit a jump, it goes all Burnout style and you clear MEGA distance. I'm talking 20 miles. Also, when you hit a car while invincible, you get their power ups and gas. Those gas prices are creeping up again.
Those are just a few of what a Mario Kart world would offer us. We can only dream.
You know what I really hate? When you like a song on an album that isnt a single, but once it is released they play it to the point that you want to rip out your brain through your eardrums. That is the case with Ne-Yo's so sick. I won't lie, I have had the song for about 3 months after downloading it (although for some reason it had Jin on it) and I was like 'Wow, this is a pretty good song.' Then the video came out for it and I was like 'Wow, this is a pointless ass video.' I was able to get past that because it's easy to avoid MTV. Now the song is everywhere. Seriously it was in a Robitussin commercial. Okay, I'm exaggerating but you get the idea. Is it the purpose of EVERYONE in music to make you tired of an artist as quick as possible? It must be, because now I could live another day never hearing that song again. Which is a shame, because it is ne of the few R&B songs that doesn't suck complete ass. Pied Pisser of R&Pee and Avant, I am looking at your sorry asses. If it wasn't for John Legend and Jill Scott, R&B would be dead.
Speaking of John Legend, I must say I am glad he won the Best New Artist Grammy. I know the Grammys don't mean much (Hell, I have one for Best Hip-Hop/Folk/Dance Sung Collaboration with Vocals from short lived Con-Phun-Tation Project in 1997) but it was good to see him win kudos for a GREAT, GREAT, GREAT album. And since the radio doesn't play good music, I never got tired of his songs. If anyone has the Ordinary People track with the orchestra ending, let me know.
I love that damn song.
So I talk a lot about J-pop singers on this blog, and I completely spaced on a duo I really dig. Emyli and Yoshika were on a song with M-Flo called Dopamine that I put up a while back, and this song wasnt labeled correctly so I didnt know she sang it. I feel like such a tool. Anyway, this song kicks ass and I would like to share it with the peeps. Expand your horizons, peeps.
For what it's worth, M-Flo is not too bad lyrically. Unlike Seamo. Imagine Lil Jon, but add about 5 inches in height, lose the dreads and turn him Japanese. Yep, that bad. At least he's trying so I gotta give him a C- for effort. Speaking of effort and C- level rappers, what in the hell happened to Ja Rule? Am I the only one concerned about the whereabouts of Ja? WHERE'S JA?! Not gonna lie to you, I kinda miss Ja Rizzo. Look me in the eye and look at Rizzo the rat and tell me there is no resemblance:
Where would I be without yoooooooooooooooooouu! It's cheddaaaaaa! Okay, okay those are jokes a lot of you won't get. Carry on, Ja. Carry on.
Well, that is all for now. Tune in tomorrow, because I have another idea for greatness. Foreshadowing, peeps. You know you love it. Oh, here is the La La Love Song remix with Soul'd Out. It's on the website, but this is a lot better quality.
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Oh yeah that's the stuff. Well, I will be back tomorrow, peeps. Don't forget, freedom isn't free. Support Vida Guerra.
Now THAT is how you end a post. Chachi out.
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