It Takes Two To Tango...

Okay, it is time. 64 people entered the arena one month ago in hopes of being the Champion of Douchebrawl. You, the believers of the Chachi and the punisher of the asshat voted to see who would be the winner. We have gone from 64 participants down to four. Tonight, two people will fail in their conquest for ultimate infamy. They will have had a grand journey, and should be commended for such. Even still, they are assholes and should be treated as such. However, two of these people will go on to the final challenge they will battle for the ultimate in celebrity prizes. They will go toe-to-toe, doucheo-y-doucheo for the title of Douchebrawl Champion. They will go down in history with the names of Tom Cruise and Heather Graham as the greatest of all the douches. Tonight…I give you the Douchebrawl Championship participants! First, the updated brackets:

Now, the results!

Douchebrawl Championship Semi-Final:

George Lucas Acting Region Winner (1) Mel Gibson 55.56%
Vs.
50 Cent Musician Region Winner (3) Eminem 44.44%

One step away! Mel Gibson continues his Tom Cruise-like run to the Douchebrawl Championship! In a true douche fashion, Mel comes back to take the win from Eminem. Slim Shady had an excellent run, including pulling the upset over Bono (Thanks, DEMOCRACY!) to make it to the Douchebrawl Final Four but ran into a re-douchenated Mel after the Apocalypto fiasco. By the way, the movie sucked so the argument from the Mayans should focus on its being shitty rather than the violence. I’m just saying. With that being said, that just builds on to Mel’s legacy of being a fucking punk. However, I want to say how proud I am of Eminem in making it this far. I mean, what has he done over the last year? Nothing that I know of except The Re-Up, and since it already had Fiddy on it I was SO not getting involved in that ear-rape of an album. Even still, he was able to topple Bono and Diddy, both who were active this year with shitty music (Bono making a song for the New Orleans Saints when he isn’t a fucking American and Diddy just LIVING is annoying in definition). Great job Marshall, but not enough to defeat the King of Crazy.Now, time for the second finalist…

Douchebrawl Championship Semi-Final:

Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region Winner (6) Lindsay Lohan 66.67%
Vs,
Andy Dick Fucktard Region Winner (1) Kevin Federline 33.33%

Once again, K-Fed fails to beat a woman for a trip to the Douchebrawl Championship. Maybe he should hang out with Ike Turner more often. ZING! It seems firecrotch is making her first trip to the Douchebrawl Championship! After her vagina baring week (well, not like it is news, her gullyhole got out of rehab before she did) I guess people figured that she was more of an idiot than K-Fuck. I can agree, he has been rather quiet since the Super Bowl ad and he is actually looking like the SANE ONE after Britney’s Martin Lawrence breakdown sans pistol. K-Fed has officially become the Duke University of Douchebrawl, never able to win the big one but at least makes it to the big one. Unlike Bono, who TOTALLY Peyton Manning this year. HA! Only funny part of last night’s SNL. Also, for the second straight year, the finalist of the Trollop Whore Region will be in the finals. I think next year I will switch things up a little bit. Lindsay also makes it this far after a lackluster Second Round defeat to Madonna of all people. This year she came back with a vengeance beating all three top seeds (Britney, Paris and Tara) and K-Fed to boot. Congrats, Lindsay!

So the finals have been set. We are down to two. After next Sunday, one person will go home the runner-up, second place after a hard fought run to immortality. However, the winner next Sunday will go down in history with the name Tom Cruise as a winner of Douchebrawl. Who will it be?! The Finals are set, and here is the match-up:

Douchebrawl 2007 Championship

George Lucas Acting Region Winner (1) Mel Gibson
Vs.
Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region Winner (6) Lindsay Lohan

This is it! The Grandest Battle on the Second Grandest Stage of Them All! Who will win the 2nd Annual Tom Cruise Douchebrawl? Only you can choose! The polls are now up and ready for you to cast your ballot! Make your voice heard! Until Friday, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.