Damn James Blount!

Morning, peeps! First things first, thank you for voting in Douchebrawl this round! After the lackluster turnout for the Suckass Sixteen (maybe it’s the name…) I am glad to see the peeps back in FORCE to put Mel Gibson in the Finals. Just KIDDING! Be sure to tell your friends, I want the Final Four to be bigger than the Bryan Adams comeback tour!

So today I want to try something new. I rant every now and then (a lot less than before but still) but one thing I rarely do is give commentary. I leave that to others, mainly because my commentary turns into an angry diatribe (kind of redundant, eh?) anyway. However, sometimes there are things that I just want to take a second and say a little something on. So today, I have the first installment of…

How Chachi Feels About:

Being Shallow

Now as many of you know, I’m a nerd. Total dweeb. One thing that I do as a nerd is look at Ctrl+Alt+Del every morning before I get going at work. It is good stuff, almost has replaced Penny Arcade as my favorite (No one can top the Merch Christmas). As a storyline driven web comic, I have liked a lot of the arcs like the Mac Panthers arc. He has a current arc where Lucas decides to get back on the dating scene and joins a Match.com like dating site. Zeke (an X-Box robot) sets him up on a date behind his back with a heavier woman. The arc basically shows how Lucas is not attracted to her but still goes out with her. Come to find out she ISN’T overweight, just wearing a fat suit and she is actually skinny. He has a good time and the end.

Tim Buckley (not like I know him so I won’t act like I do) gave an explanation this morning about why he portrayed Lucas the way he did after some e-mails from upset people. This made me think. What is wrong with being shallow anyway?

Okay, as a fat, black jerk I can honestly say that I have no reason to be shallow. Hell, I already have three strikes against me and two strikes in the second inning (being sexually ambiguous and nerd count against me, too). Yet, I think being ‘shallow’ is confused with having certain standards, right or wrong. Case in point: I don’t like skinny women. Hell, I don’t like skinny people in general. Call it jealousy, call it a preference but if I had my choice I would not date a skinny woman no matter what my size because I don’t find that initially attractive. Does that make me shallow? In terms of the way the word is used now, yes it does. Does that mean I won’t talk to that person if I like her personality? Hell no. Will that curb my physical attraction to her? Hells no because if you love someone solely based on how they look, good luck with that.

On the flip side, I also understand that I am not the ideal for most women. I’ve been told by women that they don’t find fat guys attractive. Can’t blame them for that at all. Who would I be to judge them when I do the exact same thing (albeit reversed)? It may hurt, it may suck and it may mean they miss out on the 100% Grade-A Mancake but it is their fucking choice. I have been told by one girl in particular (Who was Mormon. Bad move on MY PART) that she liked me but didn’t date black men. I was surprisingly okay with that. You know why? Because I don’t date black women, or they don’t date me spin that how you want. That was her choice and although I didn’t like it I (sadly) respected it. Even weirder was when we DID date and I met her dad when I picked her up and all he could do was stare and sloooooowly close the door in confusion. Is that shallow? No, that is a choice. I know this all too well because for a long time I wasn’t en vogue not because of my weight but because I was TOO DARK when light-skins were hot (Fuck Christopher Williams). Griff can tell you, that shit HURTS. Was it fair? No, and I will stick by that to this day because I am a SEXY SHADE OF MOCHA! I accepted it as a choice they made and to each their own.

So quite simply is being ‘shallow’ a bad thing? Well, yes and no. Just like anything there are pros and cons to being choosy. If the military took anyone and everyone that enlisted because they were desperate the drunk, ugly sorority girl at a frat party we would be….you know that joke is too easy. If you aren’t attracted to women with tattoos (Especially at the small of the back. REAL ORIGINAL) because you think that shows a personality of being weak and easily influenced then that is your choice. If you think that a guy that watches cartoons isn’t your type because it means they never grew up and shows immaturity, it is quite alright. The simple fact is that we are by nature ‘shallow’. Looks matter and that is the bottom line.

However, with people being like snowflakes being ‘shallow’ really limits you. If everyone looked alike and had the same ideal of beauty, it would be…well creepy. I don’t like all of the same traits Rick likes in a woman (we’ve been over this) but several overlap. I am not a fan big boobs (especially fake ones. CREEPY), for the most part he digs ‘em like Sugar Smacks. He isn’t about the illegal shift in the backfield but I am all about that 5-yard penalty. Yet, we both aren’t fans of tattoos or smokers. That still gives a wide spectrum of women out there that we find attractive. That being said, once you get past that, there is a very important factor that outweighs that: personality.

Now that is when being shallow can truly fuck you over. I for one am the exception to this rule because if you don’t like the cover of this book you sure as HELL aint going to like the story. If I hear another person say ‘he was cute but he was such a jerk!’ or ‘she was hot but man she was a bitch’ I will rip your lower mandible out and use it as a fucking cup holder. This is when I use the word shallow. Not to describe a person, but their PERSONALITY. A shallow personality is one that is devoid of any depth or originality. A pretty woman that has no sense of humor is not sexy. She may be a physical specimen but for the most part, you can’t have sex all day. At some point you have to talk about SOMETHING and when you do, if she or he is shallow it is going to SUCK. Since the majority (okay, all) of my time is spent NOT having sex the ability to relate and have fun with someone is key. Having a great personality actually should (and for me does) make up for not fitting into my ‘ideal’. Is it the same for everyone? No, some people have a box and if you don’t fit in that box then it is on to the next girl/guy. Again, there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind; people don’t like to be in boxes. They keep on escaping, and then you have to use the cattle prod…let’s just say it’s not worth it.

So back to the original point: how does the Chachi feel about being shallow? It is a part of being human. Everyone has their preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind, it is an INDIVIDUAL preference. With the rise of Maxim, Cosmo, Spike TV and Sex in the City (dumbest fucking show EVER) people are really falling into this ‘ideal beauty’ that is portrayed and if that is your thing then do it to it. No matter how ‘unbiased’ you are, you have preset ideas of what is attractive to you. So don’t get pissy when someone else’s are different from yours or aren’t you. If someone doesn’t find a trait about you attractive, odds are you weren’t right for that person anyway. If you were, then they just missed out on the greatest thing to happen since all-natural applesauce. At least that’s the lie I tell myself to get to sleep without crying. Just kidding, everyone is beautiful. Nothing wrong with being ‘shallow’ but you could be missing out.

Phew, glad I got that out. I will be back tomorrow with the Top 20 Video Countdown I think Nolan, Zach, Nick and I are going to D&B’s for a ZOMBIE KILLING PARTEEEEEY! I will try to get pictures of the excursion for viewing. And hopefully no 13 year old will hit on me this time. Oy…that was awkward. Until Friday, here is something for the male demographic. New Kumi Koda live! Get the penicillin, because I would so hit that.

Holy crap, has she been eating?! She no longer looks like she is about to blow away! Alright, alright, alright! Be sure to vote in Douchebrawl, polls close Sunday night and the Final Four begins!!

Chachi Out