Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Best Offense...Is To Be Offensive.

What is up, peeps? ANOTHER mid-week update! What can I say, I am a giver. Seeing as how UVERworld’s album has been pushed back and Mike Vick like bong water (AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!) this has been a rather rough fucking week. More so for some OTHER people, but all I can say to that is that people are stupid as shit.

Which brings me to why I am dropping the knowledge to the peeps today. I have to hurry because Scrubs is on in a few minutes (HOLY SHIT, IT’S A MUSICAL! Oh, I am so gay) but I had to speak because something has been brought to my attention. So for the second day in a row, I bring to you a Passion of Chachi staple. Today I give you….

Learnin With Master Chief Captain Chachi!!

What Exactly Is Offensive?

This is an age old question that has been debated by scholars and fucktards in the workplace since…well women’s lib (short for library or liberation or some other word that begins with ‘lib’). And we all know they use THAT to the fullest. Having one speaker of the house does not trump Paris Hilton like having Barack Obama doesn’t make up for the half a decade of Nelly and Lil Jon for blacks (Holy shit, Nelly has been around for six years. I should have handled his ass already. Yeah, I made a threat. Bring it; I am helping out America by offing that fool). Are black jokes offensive? Are jokes about gays and transgender hurtful? Do sexist jokes create an awkward workplace? Yes. There is something that needs to be said to that.

SO THE FUCK WHAT?!

The world is an offensive place. GET OVER IT. I get offended whenever I look at MTV or the news. I get pissed when I hear newscasters use ‘bling’ in a fucking newscast like it is a real goddamned word. I get PISSED every time Kevin Federline takes a breath when Jam Master Jay is fucking dead. I have had ENOUGH of people try to turn the workplace into some fucking Utopia when the world itself is rather fucked up. You looked at the news lately? Life aint all snapdragons and lollypops. By trying to please everyone you please nobody. I mean a simple answer is to punish or change the accuser.

As someone who was in several clubs that endorsed ‘Ethnic and Gender Diversity’ in college as well as being a minority AND sexually ambiguous (I love ladies, just not the insanity and self-personality change that comes with them) I believe I have the credentials to speak on this. The idea that someone should be given sensitivity training, punished or convinced that their comments are offensive is counter-intuitive. Look it up, I’ll wait. The simple fact is that diversity cannot be forced. Well it CAN be but it is not effective. By forcing someone to abide by a rule of what SOME PEOPLE think is offensive is not fair and just fucking stupid. Who is to say that certain just because someone doesn’t like midgets that a midget should be able to claim harassment? I have a huge problem with the Turks (IT’S CONSTANTINOPLE, YOU FUCKERS!) so I stay away from them. It is that simple. It doesn’t create a weird environment for me to stay away from someone or something I cannot stand. If you don’t like soccer, you turn the channel. If you are offended by a certain video game, you don’t buy it. If a certain song offends you, change the fucking station. It is that damn simple.

Now some people will say that they should be safe from persecution at work. That is true. What is the easiest way to escape persecution? Get away from the persecutors. Slaves did it, the Jews did it (kinda), Tina Turner did it and so can you. You saw What’s Love Got To Do With It! Did Tina run and tell on Ike? Yes and no one believed her or cared because Tina couldn’t run from Ike! So what did she do? She decided to MAN UP and whoop on some Ike in a limo. I’m not saying that the offended should whoop on their oppressor in a limo but...that would be cool. To close this point, you should be safe at work without question. However, there comes a time when common sense must prevail. Either nip it in the bud or just let that shit go.

The fact people say that they are offended by something is one thing. I understand how words or actions can make people feel uncomfortable. However, at the same time there are things that make ME feel uncomfortable all the time and you know what I do? I ask the person not to do or say what is bothering me; I don’t make it out to be the next Roe vs. Wade (Wade in six rounds via TKO if I’m not mistaken). Besides, with some of the things I have said on this blog (white people are fucking lame, rape can be funny, Blacks are ignorant, women don’t deserve to vote, Japanese are perverts, Irish are drunkards, Catholics selective memory having assholes, etcetera) you know it takes a lot to offend me anyway but I am in the minority. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It’s funny because I’m black! It’s a double joke! Eh, screw it.

Besides, funny jokes are offensive. They just are! I’m not just talking about racial, gender or ethnic jokes! Jokes about underage girls? Funny! Jokes about midgets? Hilarious! Jokes about the Irish? Fuck, I would wager at LEAST 30% of the funny jokes are about the Irish! Then come the Blacks, then the gays, then Jesus. Jesus jokes are the funniest of all! Check this:

What did Jesus say when they when they were taking him off the cross?

Feet first! FEET FIRST!

That shit is FUNNY!

Even better, check this out:



Now I will admit, the first time I saw this I was offended. For like three seconds dude to the shock of it. Until I realized. It is an Asian family of indescribable origin (a term I COINED, thank you very much!) saying NI-GGA over and over again instead of…whatever Asian families of indescribable origin say. Those crazy Asians! Fun for the whole family! If your family rules, I mean.

In closing, I would like to quote of all people…Ah’nuld.

'Don’t be a party poopa!'

By taking all the fun out of the workplace, you know what you are left with? 7th Heaven. And aside from the uber-hot Jessica Biel, name one thing funny or good about that show. Nothing. Please don’t make the world like 7th Heaven. It should be more like Venture Brothers. The wrap up is that what is offensive is different for each person. If you were to punish everyone that said or did something that offended someone, the only person left unpunished would be…maybe Mandy Moore, everyone loves her. Oh, but I would punish HER if you get my drift! Oh, I think you do.

Well, that is all for now. Except for one thing. Call me crazy but Ugly Betty….

I’d hit that. Cue the squirrels!

See, that’s hella offensive, but funny as hell. Get over it, America. Funny is funny. Stay up, peeps and I will be back tomorrow for the Countdown and Sunday for The Chachi Awards!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

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