What is up, peeps?! I am back again and I am beginning to think that it is going to take a minute to get back in the groove of blogging everyday. Back when I was unemployed (And working at Qwest, which was pretty much unemployment with all the drama in a nice, Downtown Denver setting) I was blogging every day and I must say while it made for good entertainment and an excellent release…I was a fricking train wreck. But at least it was an epic train wreck.
So I have a friend out there that is going through a really rough time right now and I feel kind of bad about it. He and I have been through a lot of crap together and have helped each other out through it because that’s what homies do. He was there for me during the crazy bitch and I was there for him during…well the other crazy bitch (If you know me, you know it’s a running theme) and all the things in between from lost jobs to horrible drunken nights and all the mind-blowing highs and soul-crushing lows in between. I have been told I give great advice but don’t actually follow it which is a conundrum but it makes for an interesting life full of sitcom material. So to said person, this is for you.
Sometimes The Painful Decision To Make Is The One That Heals The Most
Yes, sometimes I am fucking cosmic. Understand, sadly making the right decision for you is painful for someone else and many people involved. When it all falls down, Dr. Deuce says that you have to find yourself first and if you put others ahead of you before you are happy then you do all a disservice. Can it be painful? Yes. Can it turn lives asunder? Yes. However, leaving when the time is right gives everyone a chance to rebuild the broken pieces. Waiting too long leave such destruction that sometimes nothing can ever be repaired. It’s why to this day whenever a woman is holding a plate I think she is going to throw it at me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM SO SAD RIGHT NOW! I need something to cheer me up…
SE7EN IS BACK!!! First Rain, then 4Minute and now Se7en? 2010 is officially the greatest year ever! Anyway, I got that out of the way. Just wanted to let someone out there know to keep their head up. So now back to what you came here for: to be fucking offended.
GAYS ARE GETTING MARRIED! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!
So I have had a few blogs about gay marriage and I am all for if for nothing to piss off those fuckwits who believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. We let people in the South get married all the time and all they do is bring the median IQ down and the sales of Toby Keith up! Don’t even get me started on Black people. Mostly because Black men don’t marry Black women. BA-DUM-CHA! Anyway, I have not found one good reason why gays should not be allowed to be married. Except maybe the influx in Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” as the official wedding song of America but we were heading down that path anyway. I for one am against all marriage because I think of it like I think of a graduation for college. Much like college graduations are a celebration for other people to see “MY KID BE SMRT!” a wedding is to (personally) show other people how much they “love” each other. In this day and age where there are reality shows about people getting married for nothing more than TV time and a biscuit, I think the sanctity of marriage is and always has been bullshit so why not let everyone get in on the act? Besides, gay weddings would be like a Diddy party, Mardi Gras and an episode of Glee all wrapped into one! The first season of Glee, not that shitty ass second season. Madonna episode? EAT A DICK, FOX!
So today, because I really am trying to dodge as much work as possible (Yeah, Griff I’m back to my old ways. Black people don’t appreciate shit I know) I give you…
Chachi’s Top Five Reasons Gays Should Be Allowed To Be Married!
Reason #1: Greatest Receptions Ever!
Like I said, imagine the most awesome party you have ever been to EVER. Now imagine adding gay people, a DJ, spandex and a night full of The Weather Girl’s “It’s Raining Men”. That may be the most awesome night since Rick James went to jail. Only one group of people know how to party better than gay men and that is Ewoks:
Creepy little fuckers but man, they can FUCKING ROCK THE HOUSE! Now I know some of you will say that I am being stereotypical and that is because I am. That and you know I’m right. Besides, any excuse I can have to go out and dance to Cher and not be ridiculed is great by me. Fuck you, I like Cher.
Reason #2: It Pisses People Off
Nothing makes me happier than seeing people that hate gays upset. I mean you know how women get all weird around babies when they are wanting one? I get that same feeling when I hear a Fox News anchor bitch because gays want to exchange vows just like their bigoted asses. I am a firm believer in rights for all or rights for none because…
WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY CANT DO A GOD DAMN THING, YOU FUCKING COCKMONGERS?!
Yeah, I said it. What makes a gay marriage any worse than a loveless marriage or a marriage one member is getting the shit kicked out of them for not having dinner ready on time? Don’t say that its God’s will because it’s also God’s will that the 50 Cent still exists. I don’t see anyone blaming God for his sorry ass. Yeah, I said it.
The fact so many people use the words of fictional characters to tell people they can’t do anything is ridiculous at best. Why would God even CARE if gays got married? I am sure that a deity that is SUPPOSEDLY beyond our comprehension could care less if two ladies want to ruin their lives by spending it together. Eh, I’m bitter. Either way every time a same-sex couple is married, a Christians head explodes. WIN!
Reason #3: More Exciting Weddings
What was the most exciting thing to happen at a wedding in recent memory? This:
Now YES this is interesting but if the best thing to happen at a wedding in twenty years is a bunch of White people dancing to a song of maybe the most prolific beater of a woman since Ike Turner then maybe we need to switch it up.
Reason #4: Everyone Deserves A Chance To Be Unhappy
Now we all know that the marriage rate in the United States is pretty much like playing Street Fighter II Turbo on eight stars. You CAN win, but the odds are stacked WAAAAAAY against you, especially if you are playing against Guile. TWO SONIC BOOMS ON THE SCREEN AT ONCE?! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?! Anyway, let me calm down. I have yet to figure out why marriage is considered so sacred when so many fail miserably. Now you may say “I have been married to some person for 3,000 years and we love each other and that will never change and blahzay blah.” You are the exception and we are proud of you. Here is a nice warm I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! You are the exception, not the norm so you aren’t even part of this conversation so go be in love somewhere else, fucky. This blog is for the bitter people! Where all my bitter people at?! LOVE STINKS!
So back to the original issue. I am not saying all marriage is bad but I am saying that you shouldn’t say someone shouldn’t be allowed to have the chance to fail like opposite-sex marriages do. That’s just ignorant. Which brings me to my last point.
Reason #5: Marriage Isn’t About Religion, It’s About…What The Fuck IS Marriage About?
I have always stood behind the fact that Joe Millionaire killed the concept of marriage in my opinion. The fact that there are shows that are willing to pawn off the “sanctity” of marriage for a pop in ratings shows that marriage means jack shit to those who can do it and has nothing to do with religion unless you worship money which is the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about and I will address later in other blogs if the peeps would like. Marriage offers tax benefits and rights that straight people don’t want them queers and dykes to have…that’s the bottom line. You can say what you want but the bible states nothing of circumstance about gays NOT being allowed to marry and secondly…and prepare yourself for this one…
THE BIBLE IS A BOOK OF FICTION WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
I will let that settle for a second. You are basing the right of people being able to enjoy the rights that every straight person enjoys…over a book of anecdotes and poorly written fables. Now THAT is just plain wrong. That is coming from someone that enjoys the thought of panda fur suits lined with chinchilla fur. FUCK PANDAS. In the end, marriage is about love, not your religion. If you are willing to block people in love from showing that in the form of a marriage license and ceremony...then you are no better than a fucking Nazi. Congrats, douchebags.
So with all that said, I will just restate what I always state about the topic of gay marriage: who in the fuck are you to say who does or does not have the right to get married? For the most part I’m not concerned with the actual aspect of marriage (It’s all EVIL) but I am not for denying anyone of their rights at any point in time. That might shock some of you that think you know me…but you obviously don’t know me very well, then.
So that is all for today. Who knows what tomorrow brings (Hopefully soju and galbi but who knows, it’s only the middle of the week) but I do know this: I’m awesome and so are you. Remember that, peeps. Except for Little Billy in Roanoke. FUCK YOU BILLY AND YOUR CANCER!
Chachi Out
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
If Being Apart Makes The Heart Grow Fonder, You People Must Want To Love Me Down...
Alright, people. It has been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you. Without a dope blog to step to! THE CHACHI IS BACK! DOIN THE FRANKLIN IN THE 2010, SUCKAS! If you don’t know what the Franklin is, tune in because I will get into it more on later posts. I have been gone for about three months and man...whoa.
Anyway, how have you all been? Good? That’s nice to hear. I have been neglecting you all and I want to apologize. Except for little Billy in Roanoke. Fuck you, Billy I don’t give a shit if you do have cancer of the head. FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT! To the rest of you, it’s time to bring back what you have all missed over the last four months or so…THE PAIN!
WU-TANG! Good to be back, peeps. Now that pleasantries are out of the fucking way, it is time to get back to business. It has been a while since I have ranted and since I began following the teachings of the one I call Dr. Deuce. Now he doesn’t have one of those fancy smancy DOCTORATE or those “books” that people read but he has a Bachelors in Communications and a minor in Women’s Studies so he has been bestowed the title of doctor by a much higher authority. Now at first he seemed a bit crazy, mostly because he is but he told me to start meditating but drink more and now my anger and loathing has turned into apathy and wanton disregard for the feelings and wants of others. It is a great place to be…but you don’t get invited to many parties.
So I am officially writing TWO books. One is a collection of my blogs (“The Life and Times of Chachi: Blogs at the Speed of Rage” which I am on Chapter 8!) and the second is going to be called “Being The Best You That You Can Be” by Dr. Deuce McGillicuty. Yeah, the title is a work in progress. Here is a quick snippit! For the peeps, I spoil!
Rule #3: Putting Yourself First Isn’t Bad If It Is Used For Your Own Good
Now people always say that you have to look out for the emotional well being of others when you do what you do. Now the Deuce is all for making sure that everyone else is happy and has their moments but really…is it worth it at the expense of you? If you spend time helping others and making sure they are happy you will usually do it at the expense of your own self. Now you can sit back and say “NO DR. DEUCE YOU’RE WRONG!” and to that I will say…fuck you this is my book. Secondly I will ask you to perform a little exercise on yourself:
How Often Do You Feel Unappreciated By People You Consider Friends?
A. Never! My friends are down like Circuit City stocks in the late 2000’s!
B. Almost never. I have a few associates I ponder why I hang with but for the most part I have a stable and too live crew.
C. Sometimes. I feel like half my time is spent helping friends and the other half is spent bitching to other friends HOW MUCH I HELP MY OTHER FRIENDS!
D. Almost always. I have one person I trust and they are less a friend, more of a shrink to tell about the bullshit that happens from my other “friends”
E. I AM A DOORMAT!
Now if you are a D or an E you are definitely doing it fucking wrong. Your best friend HAS TO BE YOURSELF. If you can’t trust yourself to do what is best for you how can you fucking trust anyone to give a shit about what is best for you? Just like Foxy Brown stated in “Big Bad Mama” aint nobody gonna love you like you and if you don’t love yourself others won’t love you. The most important person in your life should be you. Yes, that includes if you have children. Those little bastards would kill you for a kidney for sustenance if the proper moment arose and don’t think they wouldn’t. Remember, behind the glowing eyes of a child’s smile is an evil that cannot be imagined.
Now back to my original point. The Doctor knows that it is hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself ABOUT yourself and what is wrong with you and taking to task how to fix it. We as people don’t like to fix things ourselves, it is why we outsource shit and use illegal labor to build our garages and handle our technical support. Doing things ourselves and fixing problems is trying and in some cases devastating to accept. However, it is like not taking care of a small anthill in a garden. You let it go because it’s small and isn’t really causing major problems but then more ants are born and the hill gets bigger and bigger until you have super ants with ray guns and crazy six-legged martial arts skills ransacking your rutabagas.
Now giant sized ant problems aside, I am sure you are asking what you can do to make sure that you make yourself happy first so you can make others happy. Well, the Doctor is glad you asked:
1. Love Yourself First: No one will love you if you don’t love yourself.
2. Find Those That Love Themselves: If you associate with those that hate themselves as much as you do, you have something in common but it doesn’t mean it is A GOOD THING.
3. Block And Tackle: The friends you should have, like Katt Williams once said, should block a lot of the drama and help you tackle your problems. If your friends are an obstacle to your happiness or block you from goals, drop them zeros and get with some heroes.
4. Talk To Yourself: Not just when there is no one to talk to. CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS, FOOL!
Hells yeah, kicking it old school! In all seriousness, you should take at least ten minutes a day to just talk to yourself. Have a chat with the most important person in your life, the one that can make the most changes to benefit you…and that is you. If you aren’t talking with yourself to see what is working and what isn’t then you are just going to keep on doing the same thing that hasn’t worked for you. And that’s just ignant.
Remember, Dr. Deuce’s advice is professional advice from a REAL DOCTOR. At least that’s what his degrees on the wall said. College University State is a real school, right? Anyway, I will post more from Dr. Deuce as I have more sessions. Until then, let me just say that it is good to be back. I missed the peeps and I appreciate the fans and all the emails you guys sent. It shows that someone was listening and gave me a reason to actually DO this blog. Either way…for better or for worse…THE KING IS BACK!
Man, I LOVE THAT FRICKING SONG. And now it pleases me to say once again with feeling…
Chachi Out.
(I so missed that!)
Anyway, how have you all been? Good? That’s nice to hear. I have been neglecting you all and I want to apologize. Except for little Billy in Roanoke. Fuck you, Billy I don’t give a shit if you do have cancer of the head. FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT! To the rest of you, it’s time to bring back what you have all missed over the last four months or so…THE PAIN!
WU-TANG! Good to be back, peeps. Now that pleasantries are out of the fucking way, it is time to get back to business. It has been a while since I have ranted and since I began following the teachings of the one I call Dr. Deuce. Now he doesn’t have one of those fancy smancy DOCTORATE or those “books” that people read but he has a Bachelors in Communications and a minor in Women’s Studies so he has been bestowed the title of doctor by a much higher authority. Now at first he seemed a bit crazy, mostly because he is but he told me to start meditating but drink more and now my anger and loathing has turned into apathy and wanton disregard for the feelings and wants of others. It is a great place to be…but you don’t get invited to many parties.
So I am officially writing TWO books. One is a collection of my blogs (“The Life and Times of Chachi: Blogs at the Speed of Rage” which I am on Chapter 8!) and the second is going to be called “Being The Best You That You Can Be” by Dr. Deuce McGillicuty. Yeah, the title is a work in progress. Here is a quick snippit! For the peeps, I spoil!
Rule #3: Putting Yourself First Isn’t Bad If It Is Used For Your Own Good
Now people always say that you have to look out for the emotional well being of others when you do what you do. Now the Deuce is all for making sure that everyone else is happy and has their moments but really…is it worth it at the expense of you? If you spend time helping others and making sure they are happy you will usually do it at the expense of your own self. Now you can sit back and say “NO DR. DEUCE YOU’RE WRONG!” and to that I will say…fuck you this is my book. Secondly I will ask you to perform a little exercise on yourself:
How Often Do You Feel Unappreciated By People You Consider Friends?
A. Never! My friends are down like Circuit City stocks in the late 2000’s!
B. Almost never. I have a few associates I ponder why I hang with but for the most part I have a stable and too live crew.
C. Sometimes. I feel like half my time is spent helping friends and the other half is spent bitching to other friends HOW MUCH I HELP MY OTHER FRIENDS!
D. Almost always. I have one person I trust and they are less a friend, more of a shrink to tell about the bullshit that happens from my other “friends”
E. I AM A DOORMAT!
Now if you are a D or an E you are definitely doing it fucking wrong. Your best friend HAS TO BE YOURSELF. If you can’t trust yourself to do what is best for you how can you fucking trust anyone to give a shit about what is best for you? Just like Foxy Brown stated in “Big Bad Mama” aint nobody gonna love you like you and if you don’t love yourself others won’t love you. The most important person in your life should be you. Yes, that includes if you have children. Those little bastards would kill you for a kidney for sustenance if the proper moment arose and don’t think they wouldn’t. Remember, behind the glowing eyes of a child’s smile is an evil that cannot be imagined.
Now back to my original point. The Doctor knows that it is hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself ABOUT yourself and what is wrong with you and taking to task how to fix it. We as people don’t like to fix things ourselves, it is why we outsource shit and use illegal labor to build our garages and handle our technical support. Doing things ourselves and fixing problems is trying and in some cases devastating to accept. However, it is like not taking care of a small anthill in a garden. You let it go because it’s small and isn’t really causing major problems but then more ants are born and the hill gets bigger and bigger until you have super ants with ray guns and crazy six-legged martial arts skills ransacking your rutabagas.
Now giant sized ant problems aside, I am sure you are asking what you can do to make sure that you make yourself happy first so you can make others happy. Well, the Doctor is glad you asked:
1. Love Yourself First: No one will love you if you don’t love yourself.
2. Find Those That Love Themselves: If you associate with those that hate themselves as much as you do, you have something in common but it doesn’t mean it is A GOOD THING.
3. Block And Tackle: The friends you should have, like Katt Williams once said, should block a lot of the drama and help you tackle your problems. If your friends are an obstacle to your happiness or block you from goals, drop them zeros and get with some heroes.
4. Talk To Yourself: Not just when there is no one to talk to. CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS, FOOL!
Hells yeah, kicking it old school! In all seriousness, you should take at least ten minutes a day to just talk to yourself. Have a chat with the most important person in your life, the one that can make the most changes to benefit you…and that is you. If you aren’t talking with yourself to see what is working and what isn’t then you are just going to keep on doing the same thing that hasn’t worked for you. And that’s just ignant.
Remember, Dr. Deuce’s advice is professional advice from a REAL DOCTOR. At least that’s what his degrees on the wall said. College University State is a real school, right? Anyway, I will post more from Dr. Deuce as I have more sessions. Until then, let me just say that it is good to be back. I missed the peeps and I appreciate the fans and all the emails you guys sent. It shows that someone was listening and gave me a reason to actually DO this blog. Either way…for better or for worse…THE KING IS BACK!
Man, I LOVE THAT FRICKING SONG. And now it pleases me to say once again with feeling…
Chachi Out.
(I so missed that!)
Monday, May 17, 2010
It's 2PM, Do You Know Where Your Awesome Is?
Been a while! Over a damn month, I admit. Reason being is that I have a new job! Can I get a hells yeah?! Well, I will blog later on this week but here is the latest Countdown:
2PM holds on yet again. I will be back soon, peeps!
Chachi's BACK! Bitches.
2PM holds on yet again. I will be back soon, peeps!
Chachi's BACK! Bitches.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
In The Future, The Past Is Happening...To THEM.
It’s your lucky day, fuckers! I am back with a new blog…kind of. You see, a discussion was had recently about sexual partners and their importance in the now when it comes to a relationship or building a relationship. Now first off, this was posted almost two years ago on the blog because I was happier then and it was well before the pressures of the world crushed my spirit. Or not, I kind of zone in and out. Either way, I have always felt that it was a moot point but at the same time I like to vent and release and this was one of the last blogs I had before hitting up 50 hour work weeks and being too tired to drop the knowledge on the peeps. So, this is one of my many previous installments of…
Chachi Presents: Question of the Day!
Today’s Question: When It Comes (Heh, comes) To Sexual Partners, How Many Is Too Many?
You know, I always felt the best way to answer this is with a personal story. Back in 2002 when women were still stupid enough to date me, my girlfriend in college asked me that same question in reference to a conversation her friends and I had earlier that night. A number was tossed around and when I was asked if that was too many I stated
“For a twenty year old? I don’t know, but seeing as that means you would have had to fuck someone once a month for the last three years to attain such a dumbass goal…I would have to rethink what I did with my day…”
Now it was met with laughter by my girlfriend’s brother but no one else (Sadly, all females) found that line to be funny. Like, at all. So later that evening, she asked me what I would think if that number was pretty close to her number of partners and I told her “What would you expect me to think? I can’t change it so I’m cool with it by default.” Needless to say, she did NOT like that answer and I can understand why. You see, a woman’s sexual history means nothing to you as a friend until you end up dating her. Even if you DO end up dating you can’t have a problem with the NUMBER as much as you can have a problem with WHO is in those numbers. Case in point if she has a child or a crazy ex-boyfriend that doesn’t want to let go (Or even better, a crazy BOYFRIEND she neglected to TELL YOU ABOUT). Knowing those numbers would be a really nice thing because I’m sure that SHE would expect the same common courtesy.
Now the question posed was about how many is too many. Now we can think up arbitrary numbers all day long but the simple fact is this: if sex is that important to you that you have to do it repeatedly then by all means knock yourself out. It is your body and totally your right to have as much sex with as many people as often as you want whether you are a male or female. However, you have to remember a few important factors:
Factor #1: Whether The Number Is High Or Not…Isn’t Up To You So Shut The Fuck Up About It
There is an old adage that people choose what the stats mean at the end of the day, not the athletes. When you look at Barry Bonds homerun total, you will either say he was the greatest home run hitter of all time or his stats are the proof of what performance-enhancing drugs can do to the sanctity of the game. Some people even break his numbers down and split them between the Pittsburg Pirates years and the San Francisco Giants years to mark when the controversy began. THIS is why the numbers aren’t up to you. They are open to interpretation and analysis if you put them out there and you know what? Tough shit. Your sexual partner numbers will be viewed differently by different people so when you bring it out in the open you will get many different views on whether it is high or low. Oddly enough, if the number is less than the woman in question being told the number she is so not a whore. However, if it is within the margin for Whore Error (+/-2 fucks) it varies. Anything over and she is SO A SLUT! Not my words, theirs.
Factor #2: With A Man It ISN’T DIFFERENT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
No matter what I say about any number a woman gives it is usually followed by “If I was a man it wouldn’t matter!” to which I say…shut the fuck up. You see, the reason it is different for a man when it comes to sexual partners is literally how they view it. A lot of men out their rank the number of women they bang (Do the cool kids still say “bang?” Just checking) as a badge of honor. You see, I look at wearing sexual escapades as a badge of honor almost like bragging about how much you go for it on 4th down in football. Sure, sometimes you get a first down but more often than not you turnover on downs. That is casual sex: turning it over on 4th down. At that point the other team has the ball and you have nothing really to show for it except a stat saying you WENT FOR IT ON FOURTH DOWN! So if you are proud of those number then that is cool because some would think that going for it on fourth down means that you have experience which women will admit they like. However ladies, in football if you are going for it on fourth down a lot, you really aren’t doing so well on first or second down, are you? On third down your ass REALLY SUCKS. In essence, I mean just because you have the experience on running plays and going on drives doesn’t mean those plays are any good or if they even work.
Now, let’s tie this all together. A man with multiple sexual partners is up to the SAME JUDGEMENT as a woman is. Problem is that women don’t really care. Face it, you don’t. You are more concerned about YOURSELF than the other persons which is cool. But understand that most men got past the “Man, that dude gets all the fly honeys!” (Is “fly honey” still cool? How about “roni?”) when it came to sex at like…17. Bros and niggas still keep that mentality until they die but that’s how they roll. Ask your average dude about a guy that fucks any woman that will give it up and we will honestly tell you that he is just as much a whore as a woman that does the same thing and probably even more so because he had to pay for the tang whether indirectly or not so he may as well have just got to Colfax and got him some there. Half the price and no need to worry about the “So what are we?” question that men hate so much. See, asshole! I just saved you $50 in Long Island’s and Cosmo’s! Long story short is that it IS the same for men when it comes to sexual partners but women don’t hold their feet to the fire about whoring it out like YOU HOLD OTHER WOMEN’S FEET TO THE FIRE ABOUT IT! Seriously, no one ever blames the dude for cheating; they call the woman a whore for “fucking their man” to which I say congrats…you’re a jackass. THAT is why women are like niggas: they can’t get along with each other over the simplest shit.
Factor #3: It Is Called Self-Esteem and Self-Control. Use Them. Oh, And Shut The Fuck Up About It (Sorry, got a theme here I gotta run with)
Now I am going to make a pretty broad assumption and say that every time, excluding rape of course, that when sex is had that it is your own choice. I’ve done some whacky things drunk but I know at the end of the day I DECIDED TO DRINK AND WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME IS MY FAULT because I chose to take a substance that can alter my ability to rationally make decisions. With all that being said, you as a woman lay on your back and you as a man whip out your wang to have this awkward little thing we call sex. No one makes you do it and it honestly takes two people saying “let’s get freaky!” to work. So you make the choice to do so and you really can’t get all upset about it after the fact because YOU DID IT! If you KNOW that people may judge you for having sex with enough partners to fill up a Menudo reunion special then you have three choices:
1. Don’t tell anyone: Honestly, it is no one’s business any-damn-way. If you are afraid people will judge your past then keep it to yourself until the time is right. There are some people that will judge you whether the number is two, twenty or fifty so just keep your fool mouth shut.
2. Don’t give a fuck: I mean seriously, why should it even matter? You fucked the defensive secondary of the Jacksonville Jaguars? So what? You did it and did it well so don’t be ashamed! Like I said, people are going to judge you for who you are (Or aren’t) and what you did (Or didn’t) regardless so if you are cool with your past (LOL, OR CURRENT AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) then have a fuck and a smile and quit yer bitchin.
3. Cry about it: No one made you do what you did and you can’t really take it back. I mean you can be born again but in the end Jesus don’t love them hoes. You saw what he did to Mary Magdalene. Told that bitch to get to stepping after he hit that. Seriously, if you have a past in which you have seen a lot of dicks then own up to it. Don’t make excuses or say things like you wish you hadn’t because that just makes you look stupid. The hardest critic of your past is you (Hell, I’m living proof) so once YOU get over it, fuck the world if they can’t adjust. Gotta love the words of Tupac Shakur.
So, quite simply what is the answer? How many is too many? I look at it the same as I look at alcohol: you should know your limits and if you don’t know your limits you will eventually get burned. Now I don’t necessarily mean by an STD (But it could happen) but what I mean is that if at some point you realize that “Man, I’m fucking to either fill a void or gain some personal satisfaction that could be achieved with a less self-esteem breaking hobby” then what you are doing isn’t for you. Now I am not against sex. I mean I am actually all for it because if I ever want to get to Japan I got to be ready to do some godless, eerie shit…I’ve seen the movies. Yet I say that with the understanding that you must be comfortable with what you do. If you are, more power to you. If not then you need to think about how you not only view sex but the people you are having sex with. You know my motto when it comes to this kind of stuff:
Be Safe, Be Cool, Be You
Real simple, but hard for a lot of people to do. In closing, what number of sexual partners is too many?
Your age
(MINUS)
The age you started having sex
(DIVIDE)
12 for the months in a year
(PLUS)
4 for each Bowl Game and/or New Years Bowl game your college has been to (WHILE YOU WERE THERE! If you never went to college or finished this doesn’t apply to you. Yeah, the numbers are skewed but it isn’t only based on skill, it is based off opportunity and there were many a frat party in college)
(PLUS)
5 if you have had sex with any rapper or rock star (Trust me, you don’t have to say but you fucked the crew, too. This goes for males and females)
(PLUS)
10 if you have ever shook hands with Prince (Because….yeah, that man’s bankai is sex)
(TIMES)
1.5 to factor in your BCS Ranking (Be sure to add in the Harris Poll as well. The computers take in strength of fuck schedule into account)
(PLUS)
Your age divided by 2
(MINUS)
3 for each individual pity fuck. Yeah, there is a punishment for playing against weaker opponents on your schedule. However, they count as an ADD toward your total.
Now take your total and subtract it from your actual number count of partners and you have and presto, fools…
Your ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index)
If you are above the number you ended up with, you are officially a whore. Male or female. That system doesn’t make sense? Good, that is exactly how I feel about the question of how many sexual partners is too many because to ask it doesn’t make sense. Is it too many to you? Too many to me? Too many to that guy? Too many to Gene Simmons or Madonna? It really doesn’t matter. If it is a source of concern for you then maybe you shouldn’t have been pounding those daiquiris’ last night!
I hope you all learned something because I didn’t. Maybe some Boddington’s and Chimay will help. While I do that, you look at the Countdown:
I loves me some Epik High. Well, that’s all for now. I will try to be up later this week before I see Bo Burnham this weekend in Denver. If anyone is down to go, let me know because the more the merrier. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi Presents: Question of the Day!
Today’s Question: When It Comes (Heh, comes) To Sexual Partners, How Many Is Too Many?
You know, I always felt the best way to answer this is with a personal story. Back in 2002 when women were still stupid enough to date me, my girlfriend in college asked me that same question in reference to a conversation her friends and I had earlier that night. A number was tossed around and when I was asked if that was too many I stated
“For a twenty year old? I don’t know, but seeing as that means you would have had to fuck someone once a month for the last three years to attain such a dumbass goal…I would have to rethink what I did with my day…”
Now it was met with laughter by my girlfriend’s brother but no one else (Sadly, all females) found that line to be funny. Like, at all. So later that evening, she asked me what I would think if that number was pretty close to her number of partners and I told her “What would you expect me to think? I can’t change it so I’m cool with it by default.” Needless to say, she did NOT like that answer and I can understand why. You see, a woman’s sexual history means nothing to you as a friend until you end up dating her. Even if you DO end up dating you can’t have a problem with the NUMBER as much as you can have a problem with WHO is in those numbers. Case in point if she has a child or a crazy ex-boyfriend that doesn’t want to let go (Or even better, a crazy BOYFRIEND she neglected to TELL YOU ABOUT). Knowing those numbers would be a really nice thing because I’m sure that SHE would expect the same common courtesy.
Now the question posed was about how many is too many. Now we can think up arbitrary numbers all day long but the simple fact is this: if sex is that important to you that you have to do it repeatedly then by all means knock yourself out. It is your body and totally your right to have as much sex with as many people as often as you want whether you are a male or female. However, you have to remember a few important factors:
Factor #1: Whether The Number Is High Or Not…Isn’t Up To You So Shut The Fuck Up About It
There is an old adage that people choose what the stats mean at the end of the day, not the athletes. When you look at Barry Bonds homerun total, you will either say he was the greatest home run hitter of all time or his stats are the proof of what performance-enhancing drugs can do to the sanctity of the game. Some people even break his numbers down and split them between the Pittsburg Pirates years and the San Francisco Giants years to mark when the controversy began. THIS is why the numbers aren’t up to you. They are open to interpretation and analysis if you put them out there and you know what? Tough shit. Your sexual partner numbers will be viewed differently by different people so when you bring it out in the open you will get many different views on whether it is high or low. Oddly enough, if the number is less than the woman in question being told the number she is so not a whore. However, if it is within the margin for Whore Error (+/-2 fucks) it varies. Anything over and she is SO A SLUT! Not my words, theirs.
Factor #2: With A Man It ISN’T DIFFERENT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
No matter what I say about any number a woman gives it is usually followed by “If I was a man it wouldn’t matter!” to which I say…shut the fuck up. You see, the reason it is different for a man when it comes to sexual partners is literally how they view it. A lot of men out their rank the number of women they bang (Do the cool kids still say “bang?” Just checking) as a badge of honor. You see, I look at wearing sexual escapades as a badge of honor almost like bragging about how much you go for it on 4th down in football. Sure, sometimes you get a first down but more often than not you turnover on downs. That is casual sex: turning it over on 4th down. At that point the other team has the ball and you have nothing really to show for it except a stat saying you WENT FOR IT ON FOURTH DOWN! So if you are proud of those number then that is cool because some would think that going for it on fourth down means that you have experience which women will admit they like. However ladies, in football if you are going for it on fourth down a lot, you really aren’t doing so well on first or second down, are you? On third down your ass REALLY SUCKS. In essence, I mean just because you have the experience on running plays and going on drives doesn’t mean those plays are any good or if they even work.
Now, let’s tie this all together. A man with multiple sexual partners is up to the SAME JUDGEMENT as a woman is. Problem is that women don’t really care. Face it, you don’t. You are more concerned about YOURSELF than the other persons which is cool. But understand that most men got past the “Man, that dude gets all the fly honeys!” (Is “fly honey” still cool? How about “roni?”) when it came to sex at like…17. Bros and niggas still keep that mentality until they die but that’s how they roll. Ask your average dude about a guy that fucks any woman that will give it up and we will honestly tell you that he is just as much a whore as a woman that does the same thing and probably even more so because he had to pay for the tang whether indirectly or not so he may as well have just got to Colfax and got him some there. Half the price and no need to worry about the “So what are we?” question that men hate so much. See, asshole! I just saved you $50 in Long Island’s and Cosmo’s! Long story short is that it IS the same for men when it comes to sexual partners but women don’t hold their feet to the fire about whoring it out like YOU HOLD OTHER WOMEN’S FEET TO THE FIRE ABOUT IT! Seriously, no one ever blames the dude for cheating; they call the woman a whore for “fucking their man” to which I say congrats…you’re a jackass. THAT is why women are like niggas: they can’t get along with each other over the simplest shit.
Factor #3: It Is Called Self-Esteem and Self-Control. Use Them. Oh, And Shut The Fuck Up About It (Sorry, got a theme here I gotta run with)
Now I am going to make a pretty broad assumption and say that every time, excluding rape of course, that when sex is had that it is your own choice. I’ve done some whacky things drunk but I know at the end of the day I DECIDED TO DRINK AND WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME IS MY FAULT because I chose to take a substance that can alter my ability to rationally make decisions. With all that being said, you as a woman lay on your back and you as a man whip out your wang to have this awkward little thing we call sex. No one makes you do it and it honestly takes two people saying “let’s get freaky!” to work. So you make the choice to do so and you really can’t get all upset about it after the fact because YOU DID IT! If you KNOW that people may judge you for having sex with enough partners to fill up a Menudo reunion special then you have three choices:
1. Don’t tell anyone: Honestly, it is no one’s business any-damn-way. If you are afraid people will judge your past then keep it to yourself until the time is right. There are some people that will judge you whether the number is two, twenty or fifty so just keep your fool mouth shut.
2. Don’t give a fuck: I mean seriously, why should it even matter? You fucked the defensive secondary of the Jacksonville Jaguars? So what? You did it and did it well so don’t be ashamed! Like I said, people are going to judge you for who you are (Or aren’t) and what you did (Or didn’t) regardless so if you are cool with your past (LOL, OR CURRENT AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) then have a fuck and a smile and quit yer bitchin.
3. Cry about it: No one made you do what you did and you can’t really take it back. I mean you can be born again but in the end Jesus don’t love them hoes. You saw what he did to Mary Magdalene. Told that bitch to get to stepping after he hit that. Seriously, if you have a past in which you have seen a lot of dicks then own up to it. Don’t make excuses or say things like you wish you hadn’t because that just makes you look stupid. The hardest critic of your past is you (Hell, I’m living proof) so once YOU get over it, fuck the world if they can’t adjust. Gotta love the words of Tupac Shakur.
So, quite simply what is the answer? How many is too many? I look at it the same as I look at alcohol: you should know your limits and if you don’t know your limits you will eventually get burned. Now I don’t necessarily mean by an STD (But it could happen) but what I mean is that if at some point you realize that “Man, I’m fucking to either fill a void or gain some personal satisfaction that could be achieved with a less self-esteem breaking hobby” then what you are doing isn’t for you. Now I am not against sex. I mean I am actually all for it because if I ever want to get to Japan I got to be ready to do some godless, eerie shit…I’ve seen the movies. Yet I say that with the understanding that you must be comfortable with what you do. If you are, more power to you. If not then you need to think about how you not only view sex but the people you are having sex with. You know my motto when it comes to this kind of stuff:
Be Safe, Be Cool, Be You
Real simple, but hard for a lot of people to do. In closing, what number of sexual partners is too many?
Your age
(MINUS)
The age you started having sex
(DIVIDE)
12 for the months in a year
(PLUS)
4 for each Bowl Game and/or New Years Bowl game your college has been to (WHILE YOU WERE THERE! If you never went to college or finished this doesn’t apply to you. Yeah, the numbers are skewed but it isn’t only based on skill, it is based off opportunity and there were many a frat party in college)
(PLUS)
5 if you have had sex with any rapper or rock star (Trust me, you don’t have to say but you fucked the crew, too. This goes for males and females)
(PLUS)
10 if you have ever shook hands with Prince (Because….yeah, that man’s bankai is sex)
(TIMES)
1.5 to factor in your BCS Ranking (Be sure to add in the Harris Poll as well. The computers take in strength of fuck schedule into account)
(PLUS)
Your age divided by 2
(MINUS)
3 for each individual pity fuck. Yeah, there is a punishment for playing against weaker opponents on your schedule. However, they count as an ADD toward your total.
Now take your total and subtract it from your actual number count of partners and you have and presto, fools…
Your ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index)
If you are above the number you ended up with, you are officially a whore. Male or female. That system doesn’t make sense? Good, that is exactly how I feel about the question of how many sexual partners is too many because to ask it doesn’t make sense. Is it too many to you? Too many to me? Too many to that guy? Too many to Gene Simmons or Madonna? It really doesn’t matter. If it is a source of concern for you then maybe you shouldn’t have been pounding those daiquiris’ last night!
I hope you all learned something because I didn’t. Maybe some Boddington’s and Chimay will help. While I do that, you look at the Countdown:
I loves me some Epik High. Well, that’s all for now. I will try to be up later this week before I see Bo Burnham this weekend in Denver. If anyone is down to go, let me know because the more the merrier. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sometimes I Wish Black Dynamite Would Use His Kung Fu On Lady GaGa...But Hitting Women Aint Cool.
So last Friday some of you know I had to say goodbye to my closest friend in Shaolin. Yes, he was my dog. Now I am not one of those people that thought of my dog as a “member of the family” because if a member of my family ate cat poop and was afraid of vacuums I would have disowned them long ago. Shaolin was like a roommate that didn’t really pay rent. He was one that listened to all my stories about women that did me wrong, women I did wrong and everything in between. All he asked for was an occasional belly rub and a turkey leg bone at Thanksgiving. Oh, and some whiskey every now and then but he was a terrier which made him either Scottish or Irish. Either way, he hated the Welsh. And the Turks. He was 17 years old which is well past the life expectancy of his breed so I cannot complain much. We had good times, bad times and times that he had to bail me out of jail which is hard for a dog to do because of breed profiling but he did it. He was literally my dawg and he will be missed. This one is for my homie:
I’m sure he has no idea what they are saying but it’s not about the words. It’s about the words. Or something.
Oh, before I get into the Countdown I just need to let this be known: Lady Gaga fucking sucks. I could care less how many fans she has; even Hitler had a fucking fan base. At least he made the trains run on time, all Lady Gaga makes me do is wish for the old days of Madonna, David Bowie and Prince. Real gender bending trendsetters that actually had some social and lyrical relevance. I mean YES Prince gave us Darling Nikki but he also gave us Purple Rain and Sign ‘O’ The Times:
Lady Gaga is pointless tripe that plays off being a “gay icon” when actuality she has very little lyrical prowess and has above average production which makes people listen because I don’t think ANYONE listens to lyrics anymore. Oh, and about the gay icon bullshit?
Elton John = GAY ICON
Melissa Etheridge = GAY ICON
Freddie Mercury = ULTIMATE GAY ICON
George Michael = GAY ICON
Little Richard = WHOOOOOOOOO GAY ICON, BITCH!
LADY GAGA = NOT A FUCKING GAY ICON
Now I am one that believes you actually have to either be something or fight for the rights of something to be considered an icon of it. I consider Eminem to be a hip hop icon because of what he has done for hip hop despite the complaints of his style and content (Which I agree with but Public Enemy wasn’t about playing Red Rover either, people). Even though some people don’t consider him a hip hop icon because he isn’t Black, that does not and SHOULD NOT take away from his accomplishments and what he has done. Same for Madonna being a “gay icon” because I feel that she has done more for the gay community than others whether it be actually fighting for causes or supporting homosexual artists. Oh, and she actually has SOME (Not a lot!) of musical talent. More than Miss Gaga does, anyway. Lady Gaga plays to a market of “liberated” women that think that being “edgy” means being a fuckwit. Much like 50 Cent played the “ignorant nigga and suburban youths that WANT to be ignorant nigga” card, Gaga has played the fuckwit card and much like instant deaths in God of War III they suck ass but are a fact of life so you gotta just play through until you kick someone’s ass in the 4th person. Or something like that, I’m hella tired right now. Either way, Lady Gaga sucks and for all you people that say “well she has more fans than you!” always remember that just because you have popularity doesn’t mean you deserve it.
Lastly, I spaced on putting the Countdown up last week so here is this weeks:
30. Tohoshinki – Break Out!! (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1)
29. 2AM – I Did Wrong (New Entry)
28. SCANDAL – Shukan Sentimental (Last Week #21)
27. Yuya Matsuhita – Trust Me (New Entry)
26. AZU – For You (Last Week #18)
25. T-ara – I’m Really Hurt (New Entry)
24. TRAX – Let You Go (Last Week #19)
23. Hyunah – Change (Last Week #16)
22. F.Cuz – No One (Last Week #29)
21. Do As Infinity – Kimi ga Inai Mirai (Last Week #11)
20. Girl’s Generation – Run Devil Run (New Entry)
19. SeeYa, Davichi & T-ara - Wonder Woman (Last Week #14)
18. L Class – Please Don’t Go (Last Week #24)
17. Untouchable feat Narsha – Live In Your Heart (Last Week #13)
16. C.N. Blue – I’m A Loner (Last Week #9, One Week at #1)
15. AI feat. Namie Amuro – Fake (New Entry)
14. F(x) feat, MIC – Lollipop (Last Week #7)
13. 8eight - Availability Period (Last Week #26)
12. Girls’ Generation – Oh! (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
11. 2AM – Can’t Let You Go (Last Week #6)
10. ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION – Solanin (Last Week #17)
9. BEAST - Shock (Last Week #15)
8. HALCALI – Endless Night (Last Week #2)
7. BACK-ON feat. Mini – One Step! (Last Week #12)
6. Kim Jong Kook – Can’t Forget (Last Week #5)
5. Epik High – Run (Last Week #20)
4. T-Ara – I Go Crazy Because Of You (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Hanbunko (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
2. KARA – Lupin (Last Week #3)
1. 2NE1 – Try To Copy Me (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
New number one! I love me some 2NE1.
Well, I will be back up later on this week. Need to post more, if for NOTHING than my on sanity because I am going crazy over here with all the asshatery going on in 2010. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
I’m sure he has no idea what they are saying but it’s not about the words. It’s about the words. Or something.
Oh, before I get into the Countdown I just need to let this be known: Lady Gaga fucking sucks. I could care less how many fans she has; even Hitler had a fucking fan base. At least he made the trains run on time, all Lady Gaga makes me do is wish for the old days of Madonna, David Bowie and Prince. Real gender bending trendsetters that actually had some social and lyrical relevance. I mean YES Prince gave us Darling Nikki but he also gave us Purple Rain and Sign ‘O’ The Times:
Lady Gaga is pointless tripe that plays off being a “gay icon” when actuality she has very little lyrical prowess and has above average production which makes people listen because I don’t think ANYONE listens to lyrics anymore. Oh, and about the gay icon bullshit?
Elton John = GAY ICON
Melissa Etheridge = GAY ICON
Freddie Mercury = ULTIMATE GAY ICON
George Michael = GAY ICON
Little Richard = WHOOOOOOOOO GAY ICON, BITCH!
LADY GAGA = NOT A FUCKING GAY ICON
Now I am one that believes you actually have to either be something or fight for the rights of something to be considered an icon of it. I consider Eminem to be a hip hop icon because of what he has done for hip hop despite the complaints of his style and content (Which I agree with but Public Enemy wasn’t about playing Red Rover either, people). Even though some people don’t consider him a hip hop icon because he isn’t Black, that does not and SHOULD NOT take away from his accomplishments and what he has done. Same for Madonna being a “gay icon” because I feel that she has done more for the gay community than others whether it be actually fighting for causes or supporting homosexual artists. Oh, and she actually has SOME (Not a lot!) of musical talent. More than Miss Gaga does, anyway. Lady Gaga plays to a market of “liberated” women that think that being “edgy” means being a fuckwit. Much like 50 Cent played the “ignorant nigga and suburban youths that WANT to be ignorant nigga” card, Gaga has played the fuckwit card and much like instant deaths in God of War III they suck ass but are a fact of life so you gotta just play through until you kick someone’s ass in the 4th person. Or something like that, I’m hella tired right now. Either way, Lady Gaga sucks and for all you people that say “well she has more fans than you!” always remember that just because you have popularity doesn’t mean you deserve it.
Lastly, I spaced on putting the Countdown up last week so here is this weeks:
30. Tohoshinki – Break Out!! (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1)
29. 2AM – I Did Wrong (New Entry)
28. SCANDAL – Shukan Sentimental (Last Week #21)
27. Yuya Matsuhita – Trust Me (New Entry)
26. AZU – For You (Last Week #18)
25. T-ara – I’m Really Hurt (New Entry)
24. TRAX – Let You Go (Last Week #19)
23. Hyunah – Change (Last Week #16)
22. F.Cuz – No One (Last Week #29)
21. Do As Infinity – Kimi ga Inai Mirai (Last Week #11)
20. Girl’s Generation – Run Devil Run (New Entry)
19. SeeYa, Davichi & T-ara - Wonder Woman (Last Week #14)
18. L Class – Please Don’t Go (Last Week #24)
17. Untouchable feat Narsha – Live In Your Heart (Last Week #13)
16. C.N. Blue – I’m A Loner (Last Week #9, One Week at #1)
15. AI feat. Namie Amuro – Fake (New Entry)
14. F(x) feat, MIC – Lollipop (Last Week #7)
13. 8eight - Availability Period (Last Week #26)
12. Girls’ Generation – Oh! (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1)
11. 2AM – Can’t Let You Go (Last Week #6)
10. ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION – Solanin (Last Week #17)
9. BEAST - Shock (Last Week #15)
8. HALCALI – Endless Night (Last Week #2)
7. BACK-ON feat. Mini – One Step! (Last Week #12)
6. Kim Jong Kook – Can’t Forget (Last Week #5)
5. Epik High – Run (Last Week #20)
4. T-Ara – I Go Crazy Because Of You (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Hanbunko (Last Week #1, One Week at #1)
2. KARA – Lupin (Last Week #3)
1. 2NE1 – Try To Copy Me (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
New number one! I love me some 2NE1.
Well, I will be back up later on this week. Need to post more, if for NOTHING than my on sanity because I am going crazy over here with all the asshatery going on in 2010. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
If You Miss Wasabi, You Better Be Dead or In Jail! And If Yu Are In Jail...BREAK OUT!!!
What is up, peeps? Well, Anime Wasabi is coming up on Friday and I still need to grab some spirits (PARTY TIME!) but aside from that I am set and ready. With that said…February SUCKED ASS. Hated that shit so fucking much and it made me miserable. Them’s the breaks though and to all involved parties you can EAT A MOTHERFUCKING DICK. Yeah, I said it. March is already looking better so let’s get started!
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
Preach it, Jermaine. Preach it…and yes I know he is dead.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak. I kid, I kid! I’m okay…
Trust me
Oh, one last thing. Here is last weeks Countdown!
Man, it will be four years this August that I have been doing this. Good times. Anyway, I wont be back up until probably Sunday or Monday due to Wasabi. If anyone is down to party to the Chef, come on down! There is always a party in the Chateau De Chef! See you all on Friday and until then, stay up!
Chachi Out
So I got into a conversation about women’s fashion yesterday which is what drove my post last night and a conversation continued with the same person about a conversation we had last week about women and their lack of logic. Now what I have never understood is that no matter how wrong about a subject a woman will be, plausible deniability becomes their big weapon. I mean, how can you sit back and deny logic at all junctures and points because it fits you. I mean I want to say I am a 2XL but that shit aint gonna happen, people. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I had not too long ago with a female friend which almost ended our friendship with the stupidity of her response.
The discussion got whether the number of sexual partners counted in the grand scheme of things when it comes to a relationship. First off, by posing this question to me I let her know that she is relinquishing all her rights and privileges when it comes to being protected by my responses because like a tiger, I am a real motherfucker. The realest motherfucker in the zoo! She made the mistake of saying she was fine with it but I know that isn’t the case but still you go into the tiger cage you may get mauled.
So women sit back and say that their sexual past SHOULDN’T matter but the simple fact is just like a man’s sexual history…it DOES matter. To a logical extent, mind you. The fact is the past is the past and you can’t change it no matter how much you lie about it to yourself. You know who I am talking about. Admit you spread like Smuckers and you will be a lot happier than blaming every man that you say “used you” because you were too stupid to realize they were lying. Yes, I said it and I am sick of the delusion. The people that make the sexual partner issue an issue for the most part is women. Now women will say that it is men that ask but usually it is because they heard from someone that you decided to perform the Love Train on the 1987 San Francisco 49ers defensive front seven. Yes, the Love Train is a move and MAN is it awesome. Takes a talented woman to do that, but I digress.
I always will say that LOGICALLY sexual past is a point to discuss because you kind of need to know who you are going to be laying down with from the safety standpoint. You see, when a friend of mine stated that men she wasn’t dating that she had sex with (Read: One night stands and other acts of random sexual stupidity) didn’t “count” to which I wanted to laugh until I realized she REALLY BELIEVED THAT SHIT. Ladies, understand something loud and clear: STD’S DON’T CARE IF HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND OR NOT. The fact you run by that logic is the exact same as a man thinking that sex with a prostitute doesn’t count because money is involved and he didn’t love her (He loves you! Mostly because you don’t fuck other men for money…or do you?) but you sure as hell wouldn’t stand for that shit. Same concept, although a man that sexes up a prostitute is a pure genius because you have to pay for it in some way shape or form anyway so why pay the restaurant? Get right down to the bizness.
Everyone COUNTS. Does it matter? Not necessarily unless you are a walking candidate for the SuperAIDS. And I will say it right now: if the number is over 30 then yes, that is too many. I already posted the ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index) and I am saying right now that if you are fucking that many people then you need to find a hobby that doesn’t risk pregnancy or emotional emptiness. Name one prostitute that isn’t dead inside or has a daddy issue. Or has a vagina like a NASCAR tire.
Now someone once told me that thirty was a low number. Okay, 30 is a low number if we are talking about home runs in a season during the fucking steroid era. Not when we talk about sexual encounters. I mean, I don’t even have 10 friends so the thought of being entered (or entering for that matter) thirty people seems kind of not…normal? Mostly because about 30% if not higher you will never see again unless you see them at a bar/club or have that always fun moment of not bleeding from your vagina on time. Then…it’s his fault. No one knows why, but it is. Personally sex still scares me as my experience with it has been painful and trauma inducing but there is also a logic factor in all of this. Think about it like this:
Depending on whom you believe (Religious fuckwits, scientific fuckwits or the great people at Planned Parenthood. It’s how I find all of my dates because I knows they fuckin!) the ratios of people with STD’s (Now this is all STD’s ranging from groinal scabs to Mecha-AIDS which has the HIV Zord and everything) in the age range of 24-32 ranges from 5:1 (Just for genital herpes to which I can’t say I agree or disagree) to 27:1 (Combining all STD’s together which skews the numbers a great deal) in the United States. Now these numbers like I said are skewed but look at the GENERIC ODDS. If you have 30 partners, the odds of you having an STD (Even using a condom according to Jesus because if he can’t get no tang, NO ONE GETS NO TANG!) can be up to 90%! Now I believe that this is bullshit on a string but…what reason do you have fucking more than 30 people in the first place?
Now this is odds are where my detachment with reality begins and I go off into my happy land while others go into Dipshitville IMHO. I see no reason to have fucked enough people to create a starting lineup on offense and defense of every major and NON-MAJOR sport. Except for Red Rover, of course. That is just me but I think there are better things to do with your time and you don’t need to take your clothes off to have a good one:
Preach it, Jermaine. Preach it…and yes I know he is dead.
So long story short to answer her question (I think she reads the blog but if not, I needed material so this will do) the number of sexual partners is IMPORTANT, but it shouldn’t be an ISSUE. Disclosure is always good between couples but at the same time you can’t get upset because the other person isn’t a fan of the number. That is just life sometimes. However, if you are looking to do more with this person than take their money and put stuff in their butt (Both parties fall under this one because…bitches be wanting to do some crazy stuff in the bedroom. Am I right, fellas?! Women be shoppin!) then your past needs to be told but not analyzed much like a background check for an employee at work. I mean you wouldn’t want a pederast working with the Boy’s Club just like ladies wouldn’t want their man that had a three-way with Paris Hilton and Magic Johnson. How is THAT for a parallel? Fuck you, fucky I had a rough day today.
Well, I hope that entertained and offended. If not, I really don’t care so fuck off. I am going to grab some soju and hopefully forget that my life is a series of “gotcha nigga!” moments and soul-crushing heartbreak. I kid, I kid! I’m okay…
Trust me
Oh, one last thing. Here is last weeks Countdown!
Man, it will be four years this August that I have been doing this. Good times. Anyway, I wont be back up until probably Sunday or Monday due to Wasabi. If anyone is down to party to the Chef, come on down! There is always a party in the Chateau De Chef! See you all on Friday and until then, stay up!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Fighting In The Club? See: Arguing On The Internet. Just Makes You Retarded.
Alright, people. I have one question and one question only to ask…
When do you become too old to fight in the fucking club?
Seriously? Grown ass men fighting in the club because someone had an old ass Kangol on? I mean I think that it should be worn by RUN DMC and Jam Master Jay only but still that aint a reason to beat up on someone! Okay I know that aint the reason that everybody leveled up their Chris Brown materia and went berserk on this guy (Always gotta keep it nerd) but seriously; at what point is fighting in the club justified? Hell, at what point is fighting justified? I have always said that violence is wrong no matter who you are and who you are fighting (Yes, that goes for women two and that is a completely different blog and if you don’t know my stance on that then read the archives. I will make it easy: if you don’t want to get hit, don’t hit anyone) because there is only ONE REASON to ever fight.
Reason #1: The Glory of Love
You can always fight for love but remember you must SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY! It is also acceptable to fight to stand out above the crowd but if you are seeing it eye to eye then you shouldn’t have to.
Now I understand that sometimes you may think it is prudent to fight in the club. Someone may disrespect you or your lady-friend for instance. Or even worse, someone could step on your Stacy Adams! Or Stetsons for all you people that go to Cowboys or wherever and good for you. Either way, when you fight in the club you ruin the night for everyone else (Sans the free entertainment that comes from your dipshittery) and you just end up looking like a fuckwit. Yeah, I said it. If you have an issue with someone, take it outside and let everyone else enjoy their rum and cokes or whatever the kids are drinking nowdays. Just stop it, because you fuck things up for everyone else. Just like the damn A-bomb.
Well, I just had to get that out. Sick of the douchery. Oh, and to the six people that asked here is the Countdown for last week:
Again, it would serve you better to go to the YouTube page but people are creatures of habit so there. Also, I am considering doing Douchebrawl again. I didn’t do it for 2009 and I really fricking missed it. I let the web domain lapse on the website name but the old web page still exists so I may bring it back this Spring. Anyway, I am out for now. Stay up and I will be back this weekend.
Chachi Out
When do you become too old to fight in the fucking club?
Seriously? Grown ass men fighting in the club because someone had an old ass Kangol on? I mean I think that it should be worn by RUN DMC and Jam Master Jay only but still that aint a reason to beat up on someone! Okay I know that aint the reason that everybody leveled up their Chris Brown materia and went berserk on this guy (Always gotta keep it nerd) but seriously; at what point is fighting in the club justified? Hell, at what point is fighting justified? I have always said that violence is wrong no matter who you are and who you are fighting (Yes, that goes for women two and that is a completely different blog and if you don’t know my stance on that then read the archives. I will make it easy: if you don’t want to get hit, don’t hit anyone) because there is only ONE REASON to ever fight.
Reason #1: The Glory of Love
You can always fight for love but remember you must SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY! It is also acceptable to fight to stand out above the crowd but if you are seeing it eye to eye then you shouldn’t have to.
Now I understand that sometimes you may think it is prudent to fight in the club. Someone may disrespect you or your lady-friend for instance. Or even worse, someone could step on your Stacy Adams! Or Stetsons for all you people that go to Cowboys or wherever and good for you. Either way, when you fight in the club you ruin the night for everyone else (Sans the free entertainment that comes from your dipshittery) and you just end up looking like a fuckwit. Yeah, I said it. If you have an issue with someone, take it outside and let everyone else enjoy their rum and cokes or whatever the kids are drinking nowdays. Just stop it, because you fuck things up for everyone else. Just like the damn A-bomb.
Well, I just had to get that out. Sick of the douchery. Oh, and to the six people that asked here is the Countdown for last week:
Again, it would serve you better to go to the YouTube page but people are creatures of habit so there. Also, I am considering doing Douchebrawl again. I didn’t do it for 2009 and I really fricking missed it. I let the web domain lapse on the website name but the old web page still exists so I may bring it back this Spring. Anyway, I am out for now. Stay up and I will be back this weekend.
Chachi Out
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I Miss Morris Day and The Time. Really, That's The Title. They All Can't Be Gems.
What is up, peeps?! First off, I have to say that nothing fixes up a shitty week like SHOPPING!
Say what you will and call it what you want, I have to look faboo. So the other day I mentioned that R&B has all but died. Actually, I said that about 10 years ago when R.Kelly was to busy pissing on minors and getting his ass kicked by Ron Isley’s goons (Plies could take a lesson from him on how to do goonery correct) to do anything and we were innindated with Destiny’s Child and all that other stuff. Now I have always said that music is in the ear of the listener but…
Trey Songz = Marvin Gaye?! NO
Beyonce = Aretha Franklin?! NO! (Well, not now because she looks like she ate Patti LaBelle AND Anita Baker. I thought she ate Sade, too but she just released a new album and I am glad to see her back!)
I swear, R&B has gone from the social commentary of the 60’s and the sexy soul of the70’s and 80’s to…I am not sure what to call it now. On another note, does anyone remember the Hey Love commercials?:
*Sigh* I miss BET. BRING BACK GENERATIONS! I actually sat back and watched BET Friday afternoon because…well I aint got a job no more and in the words of Uncle Ruckus all I can do is either rap, sell drugs or rap about selling drugs. My mixtape will be out soon. Anyway, I was watching 106 & Park…which in itself was a bad idea…and I realized that R&B is pretty much just lazy rappers. It’s like…Ja Rule after too much Hennessy. As for females in R&B, just be glad Sade is back because if “Single Ladies” is supposed to be in the same vein as “RESPECT” and “I’m Every Woman” then something is wrong with everything. Maybe it is because my CD collection was relegated to what my parents listened to which was remastered versions of R&B they USED to listen to when they were my age. Maybe it was because I got tired of listening to shirtless dudes singing dumb ass love songs all the damn time. At some point, I just kind of gave up on R&B. As one that grew up on Video Soul it is kind of a sad statement. I mean even when the jheri curl took over and being in an R&B group became a legitimate fire hazard we still had good stuff to listen to. Even Troop had Mamacita!
They don’t even make them like THAT anymore! I’d rather hear Al B. Sure over anything that Jeremiah dude has to sing! How is Al B doing, anyway? Beside the point. I am just very sad that music has made a turn from the Kajagoogoo to the shitty. If you don’t get that train of logic, ask the Copper.
Lastly, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi vÉ™,-vÉ‘ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what everyone should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that's cold. And knowing is half the battle. The other half….regret. With that being said here is this weeks Countdown!
Kim Jong Kook IS THE FUCKING MAN. Well, I will be back up soon. Just began to look at some of my old blogs and man…that stuff was messed up. I may repost them for nostalgia. Until then, stay up. And happy Valentine's Day, f****r!
Say what you will and call it what you want, I have to look faboo. So the other day I mentioned that R&B has all but died. Actually, I said that about 10 years ago when R.Kelly was to busy pissing on minors and getting his ass kicked by Ron Isley’s goons (Plies could take a lesson from him on how to do goonery correct) to do anything and we were innindated with Destiny’s Child and all that other stuff. Now I have always said that music is in the ear of the listener but…
Trey Songz = Marvin Gaye?! NO
Beyonce = Aretha Franklin?! NO! (Well, not now because she looks like she ate Patti LaBelle AND Anita Baker. I thought she ate Sade, too but she just released a new album and I am glad to see her back!)
I swear, R&B has gone from the social commentary of the 60’s and the sexy soul of the70’s and 80’s to…I am not sure what to call it now. On another note, does anyone remember the Hey Love commercials?:
*Sigh* I miss BET. BRING BACK GENERATIONS! I actually sat back and watched BET Friday afternoon because…well I aint got a job no more and in the words of Uncle Ruckus all I can do is either rap, sell drugs or rap about selling drugs. My mixtape will be out soon. Anyway, I was watching 106 & Park…which in itself was a bad idea…and I realized that R&B is pretty much just lazy rappers. It’s like…Ja Rule after too much Hennessy. As for females in R&B, just be glad Sade is back because if “Single Ladies” is supposed to be in the same vein as “RESPECT” and “I’m Every Woman” then something is wrong with everything. Maybe it is because my CD collection was relegated to what my parents listened to which was remastered versions of R&B they USED to listen to when they were my age. Maybe it was because I got tired of listening to shirtless dudes singing dumb ass love songs all the damn time. At some point, I just kind of gave up on R&B. As one that grew up on Video Soul it is kind of a sad statement. I mean even when the jheri curl took over and being in an R&B group became a legitimate fire hazard we still had good stuff to listen to. Even Troop had Mamacita!
They don’t even make them like THAT anymore! I’d rather hear Al B. Sure over anything that Jeremiah dude has to sing! How is Al B doing, anyway? Beside the point. I am just very sad that music has made a turn from the Kajagoogoo to the shitty. If you don’t get that train of logic, ask the Copper.
Lastly, there needs to be a definition lesson for all the ladies out there:
Diva – ˈdi vÉ™,-vÉ‘ [dee-vuh, -vah] a distinguished female singer; prima donna.
We good on that? Got it down? Okay, now for the next word:
Hustler - –noun
1. an enterprising person determined to succeed; go-getter.
2. Slang. a person who employs fraudulent or unscrupulous methods to obtain money; swindler.
3. Informal. an expert gambler or game player who seeks out challengers, esp. unsuspecting amateur ones, in order to win money from them: He earned his living as a pool hustler.
4. Slang. a prostitute.
5. a person who hustles.
Okay, did you read that? Now, are they in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM SIMILAR? No? Well, then we are now in agreement of what everyone should have already fucking known:
DIVA ISN’T A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLER…UNLESS SHE IS A PROSTITUTE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that's cold. And knowing is half the battle. The other half….regret. With that being said here is this weeks Countdown!
Kim Jong Kook IS THE FUCKING MAN. Well, I will be back up soon. Just began to look at some of my old blogs and man…that stuff was messed up. I may repost them for nostalgia. Until then, stay up. And happy Valentine's Day, f****r!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My Ode To Soju. At Least It Respects Me!
What is up, peeps? Pretty good day today as things are looking up and hopefully I will be rocking the box the week after Anime Wasabi. BTW, of anyone would like to be Kyle let me know. I am short on the children! Wait...I may just have to take a seat over there.
Anyway, today I want to give a shout out to the thing that has helped me the most in the last few years. Of everyone out there, you get down to the heart of me...and give me the courage to sing Beat Crusaders in public. Yes...I get loose. So, here is my ode to soju, in haiku form:
My Ode to Soju
Soju, my green pal.
You are there when I am sad,
And you never judge.
*Sigh* you are a good friend, Jinro. A good friend. See you all later, I will rant soon.
Chachi Out.
Anyway, today I want to give a shout out to the thing that has helped me the most in the last few years. Of everyone out there, you get down to the heart of me...and give me the courage to sing Beat Crusaders in public. Yes...I get loose. So, here is my ode to soju, in haiku form:
My Ode to Soju
Soju, my green pal.
You are there when I am sad,
And you never judge.
*Sigh* you are a good friend, Jinro. A good friend. See you all later, I will rant soon.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
I Deserve Better Than This! I Am A Doctor, Dammit!
Alright, what is up peeps? (WELCOME BACK TO THE BLOGOSPHERE, K-MONEY!) It has been a full two months since I have blogged because…well I wanted to keep my nose clean for work and it got me no-fucking-where because at the end of the day people are survivalists. Now some say that you should look for the best in people but those are the people that wake up in a tub filled with ice and one of their kidneys being sold to the Tijuana black market for bail money. I learned that from a doctor.
So now that I am back on the job market for having initiative and pretty much saying “well…you have no idea what the fuck you are doing so I am going to do this myself and eat a dick if you don’t like it” I feel okay in the long run because it WAS NOT GOING TO END WELL ANYWAY. It is like dating a woman for five months that you know her family hates you and you have nothing in common but her kids love you and you love her kids. Leaving would be awkward but you know it is the right thing to do but at the same time you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because…well, you are a pussy. PUSSY!
Maybe I should go into the ice sales business. I once sold ice to a Jew. And you KNOW they look for a bargain. ZING! Yep…I am back to offending the masses. It is what I do best. So since I haven’t been blogging in a while, I missed out on a lot of shit to rant on. I missed ranting on the death of Michael Jackson and how much…I didn’t really care. Tragic it was, but at the end of the day I cared less about Michael after I found out he DIDN’T have sex with children. At least being a pedo would explain the Webster weirdness. Also, I left the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation alone for the most part because he threw enough lefts for the both of us. And rights. YES! With those things passed on, I came back to blog just in time because something is coming up that has been a thorn in my side for a few years now (about three) and I usually get all pissy about it but not this year. Of course I speak about…
VALENTINE’S DAY
Now let me preface this first by saying…it would be smart for you to stop reading. I mean you in the global sense because some of the shit you are about to read in unintelligible, unpalatable and surprisingly enough not yet drunk ramblings. But I have a bottle of soju left and nowhere to go so this could get real good.
Now my experience with Valentine’s Day has been rather “meh” because women don’t love me (or don’t understand, depends on how the wind blows that day) and I am unlovable which makes for the perfect traits of someone that will stand outside your window with a boombox recreating the immortal scene from “Say Anything”. Then I remember that 100 feet is 100 feet and the police could give a FUCK about trying to live in a moment. They were never in LOVE! Or unrequited love in this case! Either way, I haven’t been one to sit back and say that “love sucks!” or “I don’t need to be in a relationship on Valentine’s day to validate myself!” during the stupid ass day because for the most part I feel that way everyday. You see, Valentine’s Day isn’t about love. It is about pageantry. What is really wrong with that? Some people feel that they have to partake in such things to show their signifigant other that they love them and they want the world to know. Is that so bad? I mean I still say fuck off because I could care less about you or your relationship but if two people need to show they love each other by celebrating a day that is the second most worthless holiday behind Easter (Dead Jesus = chocolate bunnies and eggs. Nothing says the death and resurrection of the King of the Jews like Hershey’s and breakfast items) for the world to see then who are those in the single community to give a shit? I have never been one that cares about Valentine’s Day but the fact that every single person in America bitches about what a sham it is kind of runs thin. If you need a DAY to validate your love rather than reinforce it then you are doing it wrong. However, if you see Valentine’s Day as a day to complain about the whole institution of love and marriage as a whole like some hippie bitching about the “corporate machine” then you are REALLY doing it wrong. Valentine’s Day are like every other holiday: an avenue for people to make more money. Accept it for what it is and enjoy yourself. So everyone have fun this Valentine’s Day. Celebrate it the way our forefathers did: by raping a slave. Oh come on! That’s fucking funny!
It’s good to be back. Oh, for those five of you here for the Countdown, here it is.
Man, it has been a while since I have posted this on the blog. Yes, I like K-Pop and J-Pop. Want to fight about it? A note, if you HAVE been coming here expecting it you would be best to go to the YouTube channel. From this point on, I will be blogging on here exclusively until I have a reason to stop. SO with that said, I will be back later this week (Odds are Sunday) with a rant about something that has been pissing me off for about 10 years: what in the fuck happened to R&B?! Robin Thicke is the best R&B singer out right now. Yes, the son of the Seaver patriarch is the best in the game right now. Anyway, I will be back soon. If you want a rant about something let me know. I am taking requests again as long as it isn’t about Sarah Palin or Final Fantasy XIII. Don’t ask. Stay up, peeps.
It’s good to be back. Chachi out.
So now that I am back on the job market for having initiative and pretty much saying “well…you have no idea what the fuck you are doing so I am going to do this myself and eat a dick if you don’t like it” I feel okay in the long run because it WAS NOT GOING TO END WELL ANYWAY. It is like dating a woman for five months that you know her family hates you and you have nothing in common but her kids love you and you love her kids. Leaving would be awkward but you know it is the right thing to do but at the same time you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because…well, you are a pussy. PUSSY!
Maybe I should go into the ice sales business. I once sold ice to a Jew. And you KNOW they look for a bargain. ZING! Yep…I am back to offending the masses. It is what I do best. So since I haven’t been blogging in a while, I missed out on a lot of shit to rant on. I missed ranting on the death of Michael Jackson and how much…I didn’t really care. Tragic it was, but at the end of the day I cared less about Michael after I found out he DIDN’T have sex with children. At least being a pedo would explain the Webster weirdness. Also, I left the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation alone for the most part because he threw enough lefts for the both of us. And rights. YES! With those things passed on, I came back to blog just in time because something is coming up that has been a thorn in my side for a few years now (about three) and I usually get all pissy about it but not this year. Of course I speak about…
VALENTINE’S DAY
Now let me preface this first by saying…it would be smart for you to stop reading. I mean you in the global sense because some of the shit you are about to read in unintelligible, unpalatable and surprisingly enough not yet drunk ramblings. But I have a bottle of soju left and nowhere to go so this could get real good.
Now my experience with Valentine’s Day has been rather “meh” because women don’t love me (or don’t understand, depends on how the wind blows that day) and I am unlovable which makes for the perfect traits of someone that will stand outside your window with a boombox recreating the immortal scene from “Say Anything”. Then I remember that 100 feet is 100 feet and the police could give a FUCK about trying to live in a moment. They were never in LOVE! Or unrequited love in this case! Either way, I haven’t been one to sit back and say that “love sucks!” or “I don’t need to be in a relationship on Valentine’s day to validate myself!” during the stupid ass day because for the most part I feel that way everyday. You see, Valentine’s Day isn’t about love. It is about pageantry. What is really wrong with that? Some people feel that they have to partake in such things to show their signifigant other that they love them and they want the world to know. Is that so bad? I mean I still say fuck off because I could care less about you or your relationship but if two people need to show they love each other by celebrating a day that is the second most worthless holiday behind Easter (Dead Jesus = chocolate bunnies and eggs. Nothing says the death and resurrection of the King of the Jews like Hershey’s and breakfast items) for the world to see then who are those in the single community to give a shit? I have never been one that cares about Valentine’s Day but the fact that every single person in America bitches about what a sham it is kind of runs thin. If you need a DAY to validate your love rather than reinforce it then you are doing it wrong. However, if you see Valentine’s Day as a day to complain about the whole institution of love and marriage as a whole like some hippie bitching about the “corporate machine” then you are REALLY doing it wrong. Valentine’s Day are like every other holiday: an avenue for people to make more money. Accept it for what it is and enjoy yourself. So everyone have fun this Valentine’s Day. Celebrate it the way our forefathers did: by raping a slave. Oh come on! That’s fucking funny!
It’s good to be back. Oh, for those five of you here for the Countdown, here it is.
Man, it has been a while since I have posted this on the blog. Yes, I like K-Pop and J-Pop. Want to fight about it? A note, if you HAVE been coming here expecting it you would be best to go to the YouTube channel. From this point on, I will be blogging on here exclusively until I have a reason to stop. SO with that said, I will be back later this week (Odds are Sunday) with a rant about something that has been pissing me off for about 10 years: what in the fuck happened to R&B?! Robin Thicke is the best R&B singer out right now. Yes, the son of the Seaver patriarch is the best in the game right now. Anyway, I will be back soon. If you want a rant about something let me know. I am taking requests again as long as it isn’t about Sarah Palin or Final Fantasy XIII. Don’t ask. Stay up, peeps.
It’s good to be back. Chachi out.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Christmas: The Celebration of Reindeer Slavery and Necromancy of Snowmen.
What is up, peeps?! It has been almost a month since my last post and that is because work is kicking my ass a bit and the fact that soju and I have gotten re-aquainted. You never judge me and that's why I love you so.
Well, it has been a while since I have posted the Countdown so let me give you the updated version:
Tae Yang is on top this week. I will have my 4th Chachi's Year End Extravaganza coming up on New Year's Eve on the blog and it will go all Christmas week on YouTube barring my account getting blocked.
So I havent ranted in a while but this is something that has be said and I am only going to say this once: I don't vare about Christmas. Stop asking, I am completely indifferent about it. If you are into then knock yourself out. But know that I could care less about Jesus's birth, reindeer, snowmen or that fat fuck Santa Claus. I don't mind the "holiday spirit" as long as it isnt bullshit and you understand that Jesus would have died of frostbite had he been born in a manger in December. And he was a Jew, so he was celebrating Channukah. Eight crazy nights is better than one birthday with "White Christmas" playing all damn day. Although I LOVE that song and play. Good times.
Anyway, happy holidays or whatever to you all and prepare also for the Year End Omnibus. Questions are accepted. Until then, stay up and get ready...Chachi is back.
CHACHI! (Say it like Gucci Mane says "Gucci!" and it makes sense.
Well, it has been a while since I have posted the Countdown so let me give you the updated version:
Tae Yang is on top this week. I will have my 4th Chachi's Year End Extravaganza coming up on New Year's Eve on the blog and it will go all Christmas week on YouTube barring my account getting blocked.
So I havent ranted in a while but this is something that has be said and I am only going to say this once: I don't vare about Christmas. Stop asking, I am completely indifferent about it. If you are into then knock yourself out. But know that I could care less about Jesus's birth, reindeer, snowmen or that fat fuck Santa Claus. I don't mind the "holiday spirit" as long as it isnt bullshit and you understand that Jesus would have died of frostbite had he been born in a manger in December. And he was a Jew, so he was celebrating Channukah. Eight crazy nights is better than one birthday with "White Christmas" playing all damn day. Although I LOVE that song and play. Good times.
Anyway, happy holidays or whatever to you all and prepare also for the Year End Omnibus. Questions are accepted. Until then, stay up and get ready...Chachi is back.
CHACHI! (Say it like Gucci Mane says "Gucci!" and it makes sense.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Much Like Washed Up Boxers, Trophy Wives And 30 Year Old Porn Stars...I Came Back For The Money.
What is up, people?! It has been a while since I have posted on the blog (Almost a month, I believe) but that streak ends RIGHT NOW! I am back on the scene with a pocket full of lean (If you remember what happened to me in April of this year then you know why I need it and man it is working wonders while I get rid of this thing AGAIN) and it is time to give the peeps an update on my wellbeing and whereabouts! So I give you the first ever…
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
CHACHI STATUS REPORT!!
Brought to you by Ginjo Soju:
Yes, I love me some Hyori Lee. Well, let’s have an update on a few things:
I’m Moving On Up!
If you haven’t heard, I am now back among the gainfully employed. It isn’t the ultimate dream job of a Zombie Vampire Hunter but few things are and that is a hard field to get into if you don’t look good in leather pants. Which I have been told several times I do not. I have to say I am enjoying my new job a lot, especially the fact that my team is a rag-tag group of misfits in the vein of The A-Team minus the kick-ass van. That thing is hard to find, though. Good times so far, hopefully more to come and even more hopefully a Christmas party in which I can pull off some karaoke.
Wicked Was….Well, Wicked.
I mean that in the best way possible. It was AWESOME this year (Depending on how you look at it)! I got better seats this time because we were at the top of the orchestra section but in 2007 I was able to look down Glinda’s dress for the whole show so…I kind of consider it a push IMHO. I have to say this, very few things never get old. “Defying Gravity” is one of them. The other? The Humpty Dance:
If anyone has video of Zach and I karaoking to the Humpty Dance at NDK 2008…I NEED THAT SHIT! Either way, I had a fun time with a fun lady (Sushi Han is THE SHIT, SON!) and it made up for a really chaotic year of douchery, asshatery and new friends that helped me not snap about it. I’m up to seven!
I STILL Hate Douchebags.
Yes, Copper they were in hiding for a while but for some reason they seem to be making a comeback. It was a good five months or so when Baglash occurred and they were exiled back to the Jersey Shore and their frat houses for a while but something VERY FUCKING WRONG has happened and now they are getting their own shows and even becoming more of a celebri-douche than before. Have you seen the cast of Tool Academy? Now I am ashamed to admit I watched an episode or two, mostly because of my hatred of the women THAT STAYED WITH THEM but to each their own when it comes to affairs of a created reality as I am living proof. One thing I noticed is that all the people on that show were in some way shape or form some kind of douche. Whether it was a Black-Douche, Bro-Douche, Redneck-Douche or Guido-Douche (THE WORST OF ALL THE DOUCHES!) they were all obviously fuckwits and yet for some reason…they are captivating for people. Not just women, but network execs that think we as Americans give a shit about the exploits of a douche. I mean I do when they ruin a good time at the bar due to their homophobic-based bravado and violence. Remember: If you SAY “no homo” then you ARE a homo. It’s science, deal with it and quit being such a asshat by starting a fight that oddly enough ends up being a bastardized MMA fight which is homoeroticism at its finest unless you are a professional. Needless to say, douchebags STILL piss me off and that will not change until they all die of hair gel poisoning or we blow up the Jersey Shore. YEAH, I SAID IT.
I Think…I Have Gotten Too Old For Video Games.
So aside from Final Fantasy XIII, God of War III and Adventures of Lolo: Battle For Egg Island (Okay, the last one I made up but you KNOW IT WOULD KICK ASS) I am not excited for any video game coming out in the next year or so. I couldn’t give a shit about Call of Duty (Oddly enough, so many people are against war but are sure as hell more than willing to battle on the intarweb) or Halo and aside from Uncharted 2 (Which I gave up for a while because I got one of those job things that so often cut into my gaming time again) I haven’t even really played a video game aside from Little Big Planet (Which got real old real quick for me. I am sorry, but side-scrollers were better in the 90’s) and Blaze Blue which gave me an ass-kicking something proper like. I even caught myself using the line “Back in my day, games were really GAMES! None of this fake guitar and drums bullshit!” and I realized I had become one of them. The old people that pine for the old days when people had live bands and dancing involved a line and Don Cornelius:
I have officially become one of those people. I miss the days of two buttons, saving the princess. Blast processing and gloves that moved cars…kinda. That movie lied to us all. It was a beautiful lie, though. A beautiful lie.
Oh, I haven’t updated the Countdown on the blog in about a month because of my YouTube Channel but here is the latest one for those of you that are still watching. All three of you.
BTW, I am rocking it in HD now on the Tu-Ube! Well, I am back for now and it is good to be here. I will have more updates, I promise. The Omnibus is returning so if you have questions you want answered, lay them on me. Until the next post, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hip Hop And You Don't Stop!
What is up peeps?! Next week is the big event, the Chachi Music Video Awards! I will have the link up for previous winners on my Passion of Chachi blog from 2007 and 2008 (And 2006 if I can find the original post). Until then, we have a new Top 30 and A NEW NUMBER ONE!
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
30. G-Dragon - Butterfly (New Entry)
29. Otsuka Ai x SU from RIP SLYME - aisu x time (New Entry)
28. HAM - T.T. Dance (Last Week #21)
27. LM.C GHOST+HEART (New Entry)
26. Ikimonogakari - YELL (Last Week #18)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
24. UW - Kanashimi wa Kitto (New Entry)
23. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #16)
22. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #10) [Plunge of the Week]
21. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1)
20. Tae Yang Where You At? (Last Week #25)
19. JASMINE - NO MORE (Last Week #29)
18. FT Island - Raining (Last Week #24)
17. SCANDAL - Yumemiru Tsubasa (Last Week #20)
16. Shinee - Ring Ding Dong (Last Week #26)
15. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #7)
14. 4Tomorrow - Tomorrow (Last Week #22)
13. Taegoon - Betrayed (Last Week #13)
12. JAYED - Everybody (Last Week #15)
11. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #11)
10. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #5)
9. School Food Punishment - Sea-Through Communication (Last Week #12)
8. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #2)
7. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (Last Week #9)
6. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #6)
5. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
4. Spontania feat. AZU - Onaji Sora Mitsumeteru Anata ni (Last Week #8)
3. Stereopony - Tsukiakari no Michishirube (Last Week #17) [Biggest Mover]
2. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #4)
1. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
After looking like their run was over, Epik High bounces back to knock Miho Fukuhara from the top! It's the first Korean video to hit #1 since 2NE1's "I Dont Care" and the first hip hop video to make it since T.I. and Rihianna in 2008! Super Junior bounces up to the runner up spot while Stereopony hopes to finally get over the Hearts Grow/Paramore/Game hump and finally get a number one video after two failed attempts as they rocket up fourteen huge spots! Jewelry and G-Dragon both fall from the Top Five this week while Ayuse Kozue hangs on after almost three months on the Countdown!
SHINee, 4Tomorrow and JASMINE all make big moves this week as we also welcome debuts from G-Dragon (His third video of 2009), Ai Otsuka (For the first time!), LM.C and welcome back THE WORLD! After breaking their almost three year drought of not having a #1 video, can they make it two in a row?
So next week the Chachi Music Awards MAY be pushed back. I am working again (FINALLY, W00T!) so it may be pushed until the 9th of November but the peeps will know by next weeks Countdown whether it will be moving. Also, I set up a new channel which will have the nominees (To not get blocked again) and will have the countdown's as well so bookmark it (LoChachi2)!
See you all in seven to see if Epik High can make it two weeks in a row!
Chachi Out
Monday, October 19, 2009
Twilight Is Fucking Gay. This Post Has Nothing To Do With That...I Just Felt It Needed Repeating.
Hey peeps. Omnibus is pushed back for a bit because I lost motivation during the Falcons/Bears game on Sunday night. Kind of had one of those mindrapes where I realized that opening a vein is not my thing but the anal assault that is life never gives you a reach-around. Reality isn't much for cuddling or asking "is it good to you" when it is giving it to you in the ass. So now is the first in the ONLY FUCKING INSTALLMENT of...
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Emo Haiku Minute!
What is it all for?
Why live life to the fullest?
You die with nothing.
Okay...I got that out now. I'm better. Aaaaaaaaand I am going to watch some Full Metal Alchemist. If anyone understands me, its Ed. Peace out for now. Oh, and here is the Countdown for this week:
Stay up.
Chachi Out
Friday, October 16, 2009
I Swear...By The Power Of The Moon, I WILL DEFEAT YOU! Wow, That Is Pretty Damn Gay Right There.
So total is a bitch on wheels. To Broomfield, to here, to Denver, to here. And tomorrow is going to be even ROUGHER due to the Air Force game and MC Chris to which I aint gonna complain. However, I had a few free minutes and it was pointed out to me that I said I was going to post one of my best gay marriage and abortion rants when I realized after searching I haven't DONE an abortion rant which shocked the shit out of me. So with that being said, I have posted a random post from 2008 (Literally random to fill space. Just call me Bleach and Naruto because its Filler Time! It...was funny when I thought of it. Due to the filler, I will actually DO an abortion question for the Omnibus, which I should have finished by Monday night I think. Gives me the weekend to recoup from the douchery of this whole week of driving and interviewing. Never compromise, peeps. NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER! Anyway, here is some old school madness from March of 2008.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
So I was talking to some people at the comic book store about the blog (I have four readers! W00t!) and they mentioned about how I have been updating more often lately. At the pace I am going I will have about 260 updates for 2008, more than 2006 (when I was on a roll) and last year when I had a really bad down period in the summer. With that, they noticed that I repeat topics a lot. My rants are mainly on bros, women and Black people recently in comparison to some of the great rants I had in 2006. Well, updating a blog and keeping it fresh is a lot more difficult than people think. It’s why TV shows have 13 episode seasons. To update everyday with new material gets hard to do after two years; that is just the nature of humor and commentary. With that being said, I am going to try something new today. Depending on the response I may do this more often (Like the Top 20 Video Countdown, Chachi’s Omnibus and Captain Master Chief Chachi Goes Hollywood) but right now I want to give you the first installment of a new part of the Passion of Chachi family:
Chachi’s Deep Thoughts!
Deep Thought #1: Women Seem To No Longer Be….Human?
Joe and I had an interesting discussion last night at Fox & Hound (aka, the worst restaurant in the Springs) about all the aids women have to make themselves look better. It was interesting because after I came to the realization that fake breasts look good with clothes on but horrible with clothes off (and I asked why women get them and I have yet to get an answer that isn’t counter-intuitive) I wondered why women augment themselves when they say they are independent and non-conformist. Yet…all tattoos they have are in the same spot. I went there. The simple fact is that there are several products/procedures that are out there that are used to make women feel (or perceive to feel) more beautiful:
• Jeans that lift and shape their butt (Normally I would like this but its a LIE!)
• Bras that lift, separate, accost and give concussion blasters to breasts (I kid)
• Every astringent, cleanser, pore filler and cosmetic available
• Hair dye (Which I believe is the dumbest shit ever. Sorry ladies)
• Fake lips, eye lashes, contacts and personalities (BURN!)
• Fake breasts, butt implants, lip injections, etc. (*Sigh*, what ever happend to nature?)
With all of that, there is no reason that women should complain about their beauty. Now initially that may sound like I am saying women have no excuse to be ugly and I don’t believe that to be true because no woman is ugly. They are all beautiful on the inside, and I have been there. In their houses to find out where they work so I can wait for them until they get off and follow them home. That’s a date, and don’t judge me. Think about it, what do MEN have to make them look better?
• Cars (Which I have one but a Saturn screams economy, not ballin)
• Money (To which I am nowhere near ballin enough to counteract my ugly)
• Steroids (And I don’t want to look like Barry Bonds. The man has a head like a grizzly)
And that is IT. Hell, the fashion and cosmetic industry LITERALLY make 90% of their revenue from women. Although men usually PAY for it (Destiny’s Child, anyone?) the fact that so much emphasis is put on how females look is no long a man’s fault. It is about supply and demand. Women decide they aren’t pretty enough so then they want items to make them socially prettier. Is it wrong to create a product to help with that insecurity? Hell no! It’s what makes America great! I don’t even see why they complain about it because women can be a different person every day with all the products out for them to change their appearance to be “more attractive.” Women have SO MANY FACTORS in their corner that they can use to almost create a whole new person a la “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”:
Seriously, that is what it has been reduced to. From now on, women need a disclaimer on them and a nutritional value that says what percentage is fake and what is real. Yes….I went there. I have yet to understand why women go through the torture of wearing clothes that don’t fit and undergoing procedures to modify their bodies so they can either impress men or…impress men. It all falls back to that. Yet, I always say if someone doesn’t like you for how you are then that is their choice and changing yourself to fit into a social norm of beauty is self-defeating because beauty is in acceptance of yourself. Think about THAT ONE for a second.
Deep Thought #2: Canadian Stampede…GREATEST PPV EVER. And Wrestling Will Never Get That Good.
I know none of you are wrestling fans and I really don’t give a fuck. Canadian Stampede was one of the few PPV’s I have seen live on PPV (Along with Wrestlemania X-7 which is a CLOSE second. And I mean CLOSE second) and man was it HOT. The Canadians may not be very cool (Aside from Bryan Adams of course) but they know how to be a hot wrestling crowd. Every match on the card was either fucking awesome (The Great Sasuke vs. TAKA), very good (Triple H vs. Mankind), very watchable (Vader vs. Undertaker) or arguably the greatest tag team match of all time (the main event). I was (and still am) a HUGE Bret Hart mark (yeah, I said mark) and I was all over the opening of the main event. The match was executed very well and the crowd made the match for me. Just e-fucking-lectric. It’s a tragedy that four of the ten participants (Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Brian Pillman and Hawk) are no longer with us:
You know what? I want John Cena to take a look at this video and see the ring presence of Bret Hart. Learn it and shut the fuck up. You will never be as good as anyone in this ring, sans Ken Shamrock. He sucked. Oh, and dare I say the figure four leg lock on the ring post may be one of the best spots in wrestling? It’s about showmanship, people. I mean I can’t COMPLETELY blame Cena. I mean who is his competition face-wise? Hulk Hogan had The Ultimate Warrior. Bret Hart had Shawn (ugh) Michaels. Steve Austin had The Rock. In wrestling, every number one needs a 1A. Who is that now? Batista? I don’t think people connected with him the same after his pectoral tear…the second one I mean. The Undertaker is on his way out and Shawn Michaels sure as well better be because he is more broken physically than the psyche of a freshman sorority girl after the first kegger of the school year. Vince will NEVER (And I mean NEVER) push CM Punk no matter how talented we all think he is so ROH fans need to just stop. Vince will push Snitsky over him…and has. I have said it once and I will say it again: you are only as good as your competition. Cena’s competition is either old, over exposed or he has already BEATEN (Like with the Edge situation. He could be the next Randy Savage if the WWE weren’t such tools) so you have booked him into a corner where no one believes that his opponent has a chance to beat him in any way shape or form unless he is Triple H. *Sigh* I miss the good old days:
I miss the attitude. Now it is just CRAP-itude.
Deep Thought #3: God Hates Colorado
Seriously. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of the fucking pot holes here. I mean some of them aren’t even holes anymore; they are damn ditches. Just traveling to get my oil changed I thought I broke my fucking shocks (Luckily nothing was wrong) from two huge ass potholes on Chelton. FUUUUUUUCK!
Deep Though #4: Teenagers Are Stupid And Don’t Need To Be Pandered To.
Now you all know what I feel about children. We don’t give them enough credit, but at the end of the day they are STILL children which means that they are less than people. Teenagers….are even worse. I mean aside from “The N” which has a few good shows from my childhood (Daria, Saved By The Bell, the original DeGrassi for a while) for the most part, the “teenification” of American TV, music and cinema is fucking up all the good stuff. There are no more cartoons out there. Remember when we were teenagers? The cartoons were intelligent yet funny:
• Animaniacs
• Tazmania
• The Tick (w00t, motherfuckers!)
• Pinky and The Brain
• Daria
• Freakazoid
• Gargoyles
• Darkwing Duck
Hell, even later in life (late teens, early twenties) we had Undergrads, Clone High and Invader Zim! Now name ONE good cartoon not called “Class of 3000?” All the shows are shitty teen shows like all the crap on the Disney Channel. They are all live action crap that acts like life can be resolved through working together and being yourself. BULLSHIT. Kids, the only way you can make it through school without being a fucking pussy and shooting up your classmates (Too soon?) is to find people like you and hold onto them because they are all that will help you maintain your sanity in the shitstorm that is high school. Remember that in the real world as well. College is a different story because your mentality changes when you are paying for class. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Hannah Montana as being the least bit vindicating, enlightening or entertaining. Same goes for every live action show (which to my defense I haven’t seen them all so I am typecasting but I am sure I am right. Brokeback Theory and all) on TV right now for teens. In comparison, remember OUR live action teen shows?
• Saved By The Bell
• Californina Dreams
• USA High
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
• Swans Crossing (GREATEST. KIDS SOAP. EVER)
• Hangtime
• And of course…Big Bad Beetle Borgs!
I don’t care what you say, Beetle Borgs forever! With that being said, the days of waking up on a Saturday morning to great shows until noon are over. It’s why most kids sleep in on Saturdays! There is nothing to get you revved up to go outside and play anymore! Even worse are these shows that are the live action shows that are “for kids” yet all they do is rip off from a “very special episode” of Blossom and add some mild cursing to it. And worse acting. If you ever wondered why kids are so maladjusted these days, take a look at these shows and just listen to them for a second when you are in the mall looking at shoes or something. They are fucking ridiculous. Parents can’t relate because what they absorb is so asinine that I am surprised that they done bump headlong into walls like Chris Redfield in the original Resident Evil as you try to avoid a zombie in the heat of the moment. We need to fix this and fix this now. At some point….we will have to vote for one of these fuckers.
Deep Thought #5: You Like NASCAR? Congrats, You Are Barely Smarter Than A Cat.
I was at the comic book store yesterday. I just found out that “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” comes on after NASCAR. Now that is just fucking IRONIC. Okay, let me explain something right here and now, boy. I am not an athletic guy by any means. But I can say this from a logic standpoint: NASCAR isn’t a sport. It’s engineering. A car is created and matched up against OTHER CARS. You really don’t even need a person to have a NASCAR race, all you need is a few do-until or do-while loops (Like…four MAX. Programmers understand what I mean) and you could have robots run the damn race. It is boring and it is stupid. If you like NASCAR you are barely above the mental acumen of a drugged cat. You know why? That was the only time Nala watched NASCAR because she is a FUCKING CAT AND SHE KNOWS NASCAR IS FUCKING STUPID!! I defend a lot of things I like but at the end of the day I can understand that not everyone sees the redeeming qualities in musicals, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Derrickcomedy like I do. But I can honestly say that there is nothing redeeming about NASCAR. It is borderline racist (Say Blacks are invited if you will, but any place where they fly the Confederate flag over the American one and think the General Lee is more important than Kitt is a place where they fuck their cousins and I don’t want to be at because I know you don’t want me there) and the only real excitement is watching high speed traffic drive in a circle in hopes of a crash and a death. I have seen that; it was called I-25 during the Cosmix construction. NASCAR takes as much skill as it does to drive drunk and I don’t care if it is the most watched “sport” in America. Porn is the biggest selling medium on the internet and I don’t see your Jesus letting you support that. But why should you when you could always get your cousin drunk and see her naked. Better than I am getting right now, but I prefer to keep my sex out of the family. Thaaaaaaaaanks.
Just something from the old school. Well, I have to run BACK to Denver so I will be back up Sunday before the Falcons/Bears game. GO FALCONS, BITCHES! I hope, anyway. Until then, I’ll be around:
Rappin 4-Tay in the house, fools!
Diddy Out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
People Against Gay Marriage Obviously Haven't Seen "Newlyweds" or "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire"...
Okay, over the last few months I have been ranting a lot about two issues: gay marriage and abortion. Mostly because people think it is okay to keep fags from being in wedded bliss and keeping women from rightfully killing their own babies BEFORE they can drown them in a car and blame it on a Black guy (Yes, I went there and YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC so enough with the feigned shock of the shit I say. Get a fucking grip, pussies. PUSSIES!) but still, they are one of the few subjects I have any fervor about in terms of their defense. In retrospect of that, I am posting one of my favorite blogs on both subjects because I feel that awesomeness exudes from this blog like hot from Zac Efron and you can learn something. If you learn nothing from me, it's that I am more than willing to go to Chino to get my point across. Or not, I dunno. Prison seems fun in the Jermaine Jackson video:
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
See! Jail aint so bad, they have dancing AND pop ups! Any-fucking-way, enjoy this repeat and I will have one up on abortion tomorrow or Thursday. Then I will do another Omnibus this weekend about the subject (Or any other subjects you want me to rant about) so feel free to leave a comment if you want something ranted on. It will be my last Omnibus until the 2009 Year End Extravaganzaa so get them ready! Anyway, here we go from November of 2008 after the Prop 8 fuckery:
In California, Proposition 8, or the banning and the (In some cases) nullification of all gay marriages, passed with full-on homophobic flying colors. Of the RAINBOW! Heh, I had to do it. Now let me explain something to you if you haven’t been reading the blog and don’t know: I am all for equal rights for the gay community that those of us in the straight community hold dear. Not because for a while everyone thought I was gay (And then in college when half my friends were gay, which oddly enough was my happiest time. I was festively straight!) but I understand that all people in this country, no matter what their differences of the “norm” deserve all the rights given. Except Turks & Irish, and they know why. So previously gay marriages were “passed” in California which in its essence pissed me the fuck off. There are no “Black marriages” or “White marriages” or “Jew marriages”. Okay, there ARE Jew weddings but they are a wacky people and you get my damn point. There shouldn’t be a separate term for the weddings of gays because they are FUCKING WEDDINGS. PERIOD. Now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the Bible says about marriage (Or the Quran or the Torah or any other fucking book you dipshits read. Especially the Book of Mormon…more on you fucksticks later) about it being between a man and a woman because all books of worship are flawed in their delivery and bullshit in their entirety. It stopped being a religious institution when the government began to give rights to people that were married just because they were married. It has always been my opinion that people aren’t against gay marriage for the title, more for the benefits.
“Those gays can adopt kids and make more gays?! Milky white baby Jesus doesn’t approve! I don’t want them there gays with the same rights and benefits from my job at the plant that I get for marrying my wife! Bitch, shut up and get in that there kitchen!”
Now you can call this stereotyping but I don’t like people that think that gays don’t deserve the same rights as you just because they actually LOVE their gay-ass partner rather than got married because they knocked some bitch up and stayed together for the Jebus. You are a fucking prick and you are defeating what America is. Well, it is kind of based on the premise that persecution based on a certain aspect of your being is wrong (That specific aspect being the fucking of ones cousin. You see, the Pilgrims were pretty much Shelbyvilleians. Watch the episode, it makes sense) and the freedom to be accepted for who you are is something to fight for. Yet, we as Americans seem to think that all people deserve the right to have all the freedoms…as long as it doesn’t include that guy. Or in this case, that GAY.
So since marriage is no longer a religious institution in the logical aspect because people get married on beaches and at comic book conventions so you can toss that bullshit right out the motherfucking window, what is the big fucking deal? You think homosexuality is immoral? You know what I think is immoral? Perse-fucking-cution and unabashed discrimination (Unless once again, it’s the Irish or Turks. And they know why!) and people in California think it is quite alright to make it so that gays can’t get married. That seems to be discrimination to me. I may be wrong, but I know fuck well I am not. Also, let’s just say as a matter of argument that marriage is STILL a religious institution. You think there aren’t gay Christians or Muslims? You trying to tell me they shouldn’t be married? It says NO WHERE in the bible that two men or two women shouldn’t be married. You can pull that bullshit and mistranslated line about “laying with another man as a sin” but does that say that those men can’t be married? NO. It just says they are living in sin and let’s be fucking honest here: there are straight people out there in loveless and abusive relationships that are for either money or power and as far as I am concerned that is living in fucking sin so suck my balls, religious fuckwits. Read up on James Dobson sometime and his bullshit “roles are clearly defined in the Bible” crap. Ladies, get in the kitchen!
Now my message to the religious fuckwits. Understand what I say now with clarity and full disclosure because I don’t want to be misunderstood. The Mormon Church, for funding a hate based and completely false attack on the gay community based on your bullshit book from your bullshit prophet and his bullshit meeting with a bullshit Mormon Jesus, can go to hell. You follow teachings from bigots and pedophiles, but what could I expect from people that think that Jesus was White, the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, Indians were Jews, being Black is a sin (It sucks sometimes, but it ain’t no sin) and of course that enchanted undergarments that protect against witches and bullets. But not against the gays! They have evil powers that get you to take your magical undergarments on and be tempted in your nether-regions by the gay! Or something of that manner, I kind of gave up after the undergarments fiasco in the book.
Lastly, I want to talk to you idiots (Barack Obama, I am looking squarely at your big eared ass. Oh, and John McCain and his old ass too for good measure) about the idea that “civil unions are just as good!” First off, no they aren’t. If they are, I would like to ask all of my married friends to go out, annul your marriage and get a civil union. Go on, I’ll wait. I will just watch some KARA to pass the time:
Mmm...I want to make babies with Nicole, I tell you what. You back? What, you didn’t get one? I THOUGHT SO. You didn’t get one because they are bullshit. Here is a simple way to look at it:
MARRIAGE DOES NOT EQUAL CIVIL UNION
You know, I was watching The Rachel Maddow Show (I am so in love with her) and an analyst said something that I spoke of in college and even as recently as a few weeks ago when I went out for drinks with a friend of mine with a gay friend. I didn’t think anyone felt this way about it but I believe that the simplest way to explain the difference between “civil union” for homosexuals and “marriages” for heterosexuals (Which people will never say but that is the douchery and hypocrisy of homophobes) is like “Whites Only” and “Coloreds Only” water fountains. Oh, not the same you say? Well, quite simply to create an alternative just to create a separate place or term that is different from the norm is “separate but equal” all over again. The conditions in Coloreds Only bathrooms and hotels were horrendous and the concept of civil unions a “separate” form of marriage but “equal” to marriage without carrying it in title is quite simply…separate…but…equal. So for you Black people that voted for Prop 8, you are ushering in Jim Crow for gays. Yes, that is a tad of exaggeration but so was the idea of bringing people over from another country to do all the work they didn’t want to do. Wait…
At the end of the day, it isn’t “gay marriage”. It is just “marriage” and this is coming from someone that believes all marriage is wrong. Banning the marriage of homosexual couples is intolerance at its finest. It’s religious intolerance, sexual intolerance and most importantly it is just plain hypocritical. Would Jesus really approve of such actions? Probably not, he would be too busy whining about his hands and feet. OH NO I DIDN’T! Yeah, I did.
Damn, she was right. I am a dick. But, at least I know not to keep people from ruining their lives by getting married no matter what their sex is. I will be back soon, peeps.
Chachi Out
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