What is up, peeps?! I am back and I am saddened because due to the fuckery of Sony (I OWN ALL THREE PLAYSTATIONS! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!) I pulled a certian someone off the Countdown with much sadness because I love her SO MUCH!
:(
With that, there is MUCH MOVEMENT in the Top 30 including a record SIX new entries, a record breaking move and a new number one!
30. BIG BANG - Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #25, One Week at #1)
29. Taegoon - Betrayed (New Entry)
28. JAYED - Everybody (New Entry)
27. YA-KYIM - HAPPY FACE (Last Week #21)
26. SWEET BLACK feat. MAKI GOTO & BIGGA RAIJI - Queen Bee (New Entry)
25. HAM T.T. Dance (New Entry)
24. Tsuji Shion - M/elody (Last Week #20)
23. A.I. Story (New Entry)
22. Jasmine - Sad To Say (Last Week #18)
21. Ikimonogakari - YELL (New Entry)
20. Mihimaru GT - Unlock (Last Week #29)
19. UVERworld - GO-ON (Last Week #16, Two Weeks at #1)
18. (f)x - Lachata (Last Week #22)
17. G-Dragon - Breathe (Last Week #27)
16. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #12)
15. Inoue Joe - GO!! (Last Week #14)
14. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #19)
13. Ayuse Kozue - Dont Let You Down (Last Week #17)
12. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #10)
11. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #7, One Week at #1)
10. Super Junior - Super Girl (Last Week #13)
9. Base Ball Bear - Stairway Generation (Last Week #6)
8. 4Minute - Musik (Last Week #11)
7. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #2)
6. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #9)
5. Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra (Last Week #4)
4. Epik High - Wannabe (Last Week #23) [Biggest Mover]
3. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
2. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #5)
1. Miho Fukuhara - LET IT OUT (Last Week #3, One Week at #1)
Okay, first off with YUI dropping TWO videos out we got some new stuff from Goto Maki, Ikimonogakari (Their fourth video to chart this year! That is tied with YA-KYIM for the most I believe!), Mihimaru GT and the return of AI for the first time since March of 2007! Taegoon, HAM and Jay'ed also make debuts this week.
EPIK HIGH moves a record NINETEEN SPOTS THIS WEEK, which was going to happen even without the situation which breaks the record set by Super Junior last week. Also, Inoue Joe holds on for his 13th week on the Countdown, giving him the fourth longest reign of the year behind:
Tsuji Shion - Sky Chord (27 WEEKS!)
Inoue Joe - Closer (20 weeks)
RSP x Bubble Gum Brothers - La La La Love Song (16 weeks)
Yep, he is on there TWICE. Also, we have a new number one this week as Miho Fukahara takes the top spot in the biggest upset since LM.C knocked off 2NE1 this summer. Totally in love with that song (And oddly enough, FMA: Brotherhood which is kind of kicking ass right now). Much respect to Abingdon Boys School who was able to hold off UVERworld, G-Dragon, Brown Eyed Girls AND Drunken Tiger in their three weeks on top.
Well, I will see you all in seven! Make sure to look at the nominees for the 3rd Annual Chachi Music Video Awards!
Chachi Out
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Kicking It Old School...Because I Ain't Cool Enough To Be New School.
Okay, I am bummed out and tired as shit so I am reposting a blog from about a year ago that I re-edited then from about six months prior. It was one of the first blogs Copper read and I feel bad because it was one of the blogs that GOT ME A FAN BASE and then I got all emo and stopped updating because I decided not to compromise, not even in the face of armageddon.
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
I. LOVE. WATCHMEN. Anyway, I decided to repost this after seeing the "Booty Bump" commercial while I was making breakfast (At like...10am...) and I realized that the only difference between that and grills in the mid-2000's for Black men is...about 100 dollars or so. I thought this post was HILARIOUS then and even funnier now since a lot of it proved to be true even though the original point of this post was just a standard rant about something isolated that I created a humorous generalization about. It's a skill that few understand. Anyway, here we go.
So yesterday Zach and I had a very insightful conversation about that bimbo game that was made in England (Brits…like sober Japanese people) and we were talking about how women always claim to be “exploited” and “portrayed unfairly” when LITERALLY half the time these images are either being created or perpetuated by women themselves. How many times have women claimed that they are made to live up to an naturally unattainable version of beauty that is created and reinforced by men yet women THEMSELVES are creating fashion lines that cut off the circulation to their legs and creating bras that lift and separate to the point that your breasts need a tourniquet? What really irks me is the fact that the rational that women give that “well, at least it is a woman making the money rather than a man!” Wow, that is some niggerish logic right there.
Wait a minute…EUREKA! It is all making sense! The constant double standards! The total lack of logic about their views of equality! Feigned individuality and independence which is actually a cloak for total conformity! The love of fat white women! The love of gaudy jewelry! The horrible, HORRIBLE fashion sense! It is official!
Women are the new Black.
It’s true, IT IS SO TRUE! So today, I have YET ANOTHER RANT and it is something that just hit me so bare with my progression as this is all coming off top of head. So today, I give the peeps…
Passion of Chachi Presents: Chachi’s Five Reasons Why!
Today’s Topic: Five Reasons Why….Women Are The New Black.
Yeah…I am totally losing readers with this one.
Reason #1: Women Are The New Black Because….They Exploit Themselves.
Where to start, where to START? Remember all those 1970’s blaxiplotiation movies? They were created because of the lack of roles for Black actors in movies and the roles that WERE available were roles of pimp, drug dealer and other ne’er-do-wells. So Blacks created movies themselves that gave them new roles….of pimps, drug dealers and other ne’er-do-wells. Yes they were being put in less than flattering roles, but dammit they were getting the money and not the white man!
Now let’s look at women. Women were only cast in roles if they were pleasing to the eye, docile or demure, a total bulldike or if they fit the role of angry/ugly shrew woman or slut. Then women didn’t want these roles and wanted to be cast in roles that showed the full spectrum of the female experience. So women made their own shows and got their own networks (Lifetime, Oxygen, The WB/UPN or the CW for not just women but Black women, too) to make shows and create roles for all women. Yet…when you think of the show that all women love the most it is “Sex In The City.” Who are the characters in that show? A woman that is pleasing to the eye, a docile character that SO wants to fall in love and get married, a total bulldike and an angry (and old) slut. So…what was the difference between before and after? Just because the book the show is based on was written by a woman it makes it okay? Bullcrap. The fact is, just like the reason Blacks were (and in some cases are) exploited is that they did it themselves. Same for women.
Think I am wrong? Look at all the women with sex tapes out there. Now women want to blame the man for these videos and their mass distribution but think about it. The women have to AGREE to have the video distributed before it gets into mass production. Now I know the internet can screw with that but that is the unknown. What we do know is that these videos are rarely on HIDDEN cameras and the women are aware of every second of video. So when it hits the internet or the streets, they KNOW with past issues with this that it is not only probable, it is inevitable that the video was going to be seen and that they also can make a hefty sum from it. So in essence, they are no better than porn stars. Actually, they are NOT better than porn stars because porn stars are professionals. They are like baseball players: they start in the minor leagues (gonzo) until they make it to the show (Vivid, Wicked). The fact is that when there is money or the chance for stardom involved, women are no better than anyone else. Which leads me to my next reason.
Reason #2: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Themselves.
Gone are the days of Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One telling Black people to read a damn book and get a real damn job. The Civil Rights Movement is long gone and quite simply Black people got an inch and wanted to become a ruler. Which is fine it you use that rule to change the status quo but when you traded in that ruler for spinning rims and a giant necklace that says “Stack Dat Cheese” you really negate what so many Blacks took ass-whoopins’, dog bites and fire hoses for. They fought for your right to get into a prestigious college and apply and compete for a job that you couldn’t even get into the building to apply for. Not for your stupid ass to put $15,000 rims on a $5,000 car. So THAT is what my grandparents marched for?! For you to put four TV screens in a FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME?! GOD DAMMIT! The simple fact is that despite all the work that was done in the 60’s and 70’s to help give Blacks some respectability (And Ronald Reagan’s evil ass... )
Did that dead honkey cracka just say NEGRO?! FUCK YOU. Anyway, it has been undone with the crap done in the last 10 years or so by Nelly, 50 Cent and Nick Cannon. FUCK I TOTALLY BLOCKED THAT SHIT OUT. WHO SAYS NEGRO?! EVEN IN THE FUCKING 80'S?! Oh, and to divert a little, someone had the nerve to say that "Well, that was just the era that he was from" to which I say "well, beating women for breathing and having children work in mines was from that era but you wouldnt put up with THAT shit now would you?" because that is a fucking cop out. Ugh, I need a fucking drink.
Now let’s look at woman. A long time ago, women weren’t allowed to vote. It was a better, simpler time (I kid, I kid! Women's suffering is awesome! Oh, I mean...sufferage?). However, women wanted their voices to be heard and they stepped out of the kitchen and marched and protested for their rights. From that point on, women were bitching (And I mean that in the most respectful way possible) their way to equality. From entering toe workplace to Title IX, women fought long and hard to get to a playing field where they could compete fairly against men. So how are they thanked for all the hard work they put blazing a path for women to be seen as equals? My Sweet Sixteen?! Okay, so you have the right to vote and play sports just like men. You can apply for any job and yet you decide that your goal as a teenager is to be a spoiled little rich whore?
I mean if you don’t respect the fact that others paved the way for you to achieve more than be eye candy or a housewife then you should never…EVER complain about the perception of women. Now some women want to be a housewife and that is fine. I believe that someone needs to raise kids before they get to the age I have to use my tax dollars pay for their ass being in prison for because mommy and daddy didn’t love the little fuck enough. As for women being happy as eye candy. Well, I know a lot of people say if you got it flaunt it. Just like Black men “ball till they fall” because they can’t take the money with them, that is a logical sentiment and I can understand that. However, if you ARE going to decide to use your body to get what you want whether it be money, free drinks or attention remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Women (and several Black celebs) believe in the credo “all the power with no responsibility” because it seems that they want to be catty and petty about other women and be able to judge others freely but when people question them they are “insulting their freedom as a woman.” I have to call bullshit on that. Your freedom as a woman doesn’t mean wantonly freejacking with your clothes off all over the club like your name is Mick Jagger but when someone takes a picture you have been “violated.” If you use the freedom of getting drunk and acting stupid in front of a group of guys, you have to understand and accept the responsibility of the fact that the video of your asshatery will end up on “Girls Gone Wild.” Just like I know that I have the freedom to wear all red to look fashionable, but I understand and accept the responsibility that some random niggas may not appreciate me all up in they hood in the wrong colors. Fair? Not really. Reality. You got that right. Until you respect yourself enough to wear some clothes, no one will.
Reason #3: Women Are The New Black Because….They Don’t Respect Each Other.
This rolls right back into reason number two. You know how the big thing in the 1990’s was “stop black on black crime?” Did it ever really stop? I mean honestly, Black people spend more time hating other Black people than they ever do hating the White man. I will be the first to admit that. Not only that, Black people not only not respect themselves or each other but they try as hard as they can to make sure other Blacks don’t succeed. Hip Hop beefs, anyone? Hell, look at how many Black women don’t like Barack Obama. They would rather vote for a Black man with a WHITE WIFE than a Black man with a BLACK WIFE. For the slow, that is a joke on how niggas would always say that Bill Clinton was the first Black president. If you missed that, I’m sorry but I keeps it funny. The Haterade that flows in the Black community is enough to hydrate all of Africa (Although all the electrolytes would give them the energy to keep fucking and spreading AIDS so maybe that isn’t the best idea) and is only outdone by one section of people.
WOMEN
I have never met a pettier, snider, conniving and pure hateful and mean set of people in my life….except Koreans. And Korean women….you may as well just stop and get your stuff and leave because they are crazy. I kid, they are great sometimes. I have never seen a group of people that hate each other more than women. And for no good reason, either! I dated a girl in college that DESPISED her best friend because she thought she was a whore. Now what was even more funny is that this was after we started talking again after she cheated (Yeah, I am kind of a punk) and I thought to myself “Her promiscuity aside…you are a cheater. Wouldn’t that default make you a bigger whore?” Now I never asked that question because I wasn’t as ballsy then as I am now but where is the logic in that? A woman that has cheated on her boyfriend thinks a woman that has had multiple sexual partners but not “boyfriends” is a whore. Is that just semantics or plain stupidity?
You see, a friend of mine told me that women are perpetually unhappy. They HAVE to have something to hate (God…just like Black people. I AM GOOD!) because women don’t have this little thing called “logic.” Now they know OF logic, but the usage of it is foreign much like the usage of emotions are new territory for about 90% of men unless it is anger, horny or angorny (or the emotion that drives bukkake and the rest of the Japanese porn industry). So women have to be mad about something for the attention and the creation of drama. Since men try to avoid drama at all costs and just invest in jewelry/flowers/gifts to steer that train of illogical woman emotional treachery down another track (I meet it head on like Bruce Banner. HULK SMASH YOUR ILLOGICAL STUPIDITY WITH BRAIN POWER!) the only way women can unleash their misplaced unhappiness is other women. Much like niggas place their anger about being lazy shit on other niggas. Hence….a nigga moment. Therefore, women’s main nemesis is other women because they are the only ones that will go down the ratholes they go. Not only that, they are the only ones that understand their illogical thought processes…just like niggas. Man, this is GOLD.
Reason #4: Women Are The New Black Because….Only They Get Each Other.
At the end of the day, women claim to be complex creatures. The truth is, you are not. Women are simple to read and simple to understand because just think of the most logical thing to do and they will think the EXACT OPPOSITE. That thought process literally has helped me understand women at about an 88% clip. Sad but true. Zach can attest to this point because he has taken Women’s Studies classes as much as I have. However, I actually had to interact with them outside of class in several events and projects because I was part of the women’s awareness group at school. After listening to them, I learned that women have to hang out with other women because they don’t make any real sense….except to other women. That is why they hate each other so much because they know no one else really understands them but they are by nature an unhappy breed so they end up at each others throats more often than not. Just like Black men in the streets. They know no one thinks that selling drugs is a legitimate form of work except for others in the streets…but they gotta make that cheddar, too.
Guys, you ever sit back and listen to two women talk about something and you wonder how two people can both have such an illogical view on the same subject that isn’t based on any rational thought whatsoever? Because women thrive on conformity. They need to be in a pack in order to be appreciated or need to be the center of attention in order to feel needed. That is why women travel in packs and when one breaks off after a guy is talking to her they all wander around like wolves that lost the alpha male. They NEED each other. At the same time, they are thinking of ways to off that bitch so that someone else can take lead position. See: “Mean Girls.” Even though women will always call men dogs and whatnot, it is obvious that women are more in need of the group support than men are. They are in need of affirmation of decisions (usually bad) and they will only get that from women or dudes that want to hit it. As one who has given up on sex as a whole (too many…or too few bad experiences, I guess) I have no real reason to care what a woman thinks of me so if they ask me something about anything I will let them know no matter whether it hurts their feelings or not. Now that alienates me from a lot of people but I have a great corps of peeps that I am down to ride for. Now some women are okay with hearing the truth because no matter what, a woman is going to do what they want to anyway because they run under the “I am a woman, so I can!” ideal that results in so many bad things happening. When those things happen, I stop and say “did you need to be in that situation?” For a woman, the situation doesn’t matter; all they care about is the end result. That is an insane process of rationality (It is like the Underpants Gnome Theory) which women pretty much THRIVE ON. In parallel, Black people live on the “Wish Theory” as in “I wish a nigga would” as Cedric the Entertainer so eloquently put it. Since I don’t live by that concept, I rarely get along with Black people. Since I believe that rational thought trumps baseless emotional processes (“I can cheat because its my right and all men cheat” which sounds eerily like “I am Black so I can be racist because all White people are racist” because both make no fucking sense unless you are full of estrogen or high…which women and niggas are both respectively) the only person that will understand a woman’s jacked up point of view is a woman. Or a nigga. It’s why they date. Black women….now you know. And YOUR WELCOME!
Reason #5: Women Are The New Black Because….Both Are Fashion Misfits.
Man, you have no idea how true this is. Two words: Soulja Boy. The man looks like HR Puffenstuff ate him, threw him up and then coughed up some extra bile to make his ugly ass glasses. As a matter of fact, go to the mall. Right now. The Black mall, not the white one. Then, just look at the fashions of Black males and any female. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
You back? What did you see? A bunch of color clashing mouthbreathers with ugly sunglasses and tacky coats. Now I will admit I have some big sunglasses but I don’t look like Bono mated with a retarded muppet. Have you seen how women dress now days? They look like a stripper with poor color selection. You don’t think that is enough for me to say that women are just like niggas? Well, lets break it down like this. Both niggas and bitches love:
1. Sunglasses: I will admit, I like sunglasses. I have A LOT of them...but I have an addiction and you should respect my problem. Either way, you have seen the music videos and you have been to the mall or the club. Women and Black men have sunglasses that would make Liberace look straight. I'm talking Robert Downey Jr. straight.
2. Regular Glasses: Now I believe that women wear them not because they need them (You ever seen them drive?) but because they think that glasses make them look smarter and cancel out all the whore in them. Wow, the whoriest women I knew wore glasses. Better to see the wang with, I guess. Oh, and niggas love glasses because it makes them look credible as a rapper or a defendant. Or both. Gangstas don’t wear glasses!
3. Long shirts: The only difference is that thugs wear long white shirts as shirts. Women wear them like they are clothing. Just so you know, a long shirt isn’t a skirt; it is just a long shirt. Put on some fucking pants. And dont you fucking DARE wear a belt with that shit. It looks dumb.
4. Shoes: Once again, I am all about this. I am a shoe whore but I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!But niggas don’t have any functional shoes. You cant wear S-Dots or G-Unit sneakers to work. And if you can, get a real fucking job. As for women: if your shoes hurt your feet; don’t wear them. That simple. You may think those heels are cute, but they really say “swallowing is extra!” They are called hooker boots and stripper heels for a reason. You don’t want to be known as one, don’t wear them. When I wore all red I was thought to be a Blood even though I wasn’t. Same fucking thing. All because niggas are stupid, I couldn't wear a Falcons jersey.
5. Belts: Niggas wear belt buckles that have an LED scroll. Women wear belts that don’t hold up their pants. Both non-purpose, both non-functional, both fucking stupid.
6. Jewelry: Don’t even GET me started. Do the words “bling bling” ring a bell? At least niggas get on the grind for their money. Dealing drugs, making repetitive rap beats, catching touchdowns. They work for it. Women expect that shit to be given to them. Wow, I guess niggas got a one up on the ladies.
7. Tattoos: Oy vey. Ladies….a tattoo on the small of the back is not original. No matter what the art, I don’t give a fuck if you dug up Di Vinci, reanimated him and held a gun to his head while he recreated the Sistine Chapel on your waistline. Its not original, you are a conformist. Just admit it and stop lying to yourself and acting like you are “sooooo unique.” Lying hussy. Same for niggas. Getting tattoos on your stomach aren’t sexy and they aren’t “street.” They are fucking stupid and look stupid, too. Spend the money from that tattoo and buy some books. SOURCE MAGAZINE AINT A BOOK!
Oh, I am SO NOT DONE WITH TATTOOS! This is a big point of contention with me, not because people get them. If you want to mutilate your body, be my guest. My irritation is how women and niggas act like it is such a form of individuality and self expression. Um…it isn’t. It is a branding of conformity. You want to be an individual, staple a ferret to your head. You want to follow with the crowd? Get a tattoo. Also, of you get (Or have) any of the following tattoos:
• A butterfly (ESPECIALLY ON A DUDE. That reeks of gay, and I have seen six dudes kissing five dudes. Ladies….just no. Seriously…just no)
• Picture of a relative (Dead or alive. Your tattoo aint bringing them back from the dead. If it did, it would be shot in the head because then they would be a zombie and they eat brains. Congrats, you are infecting people with the T-Virus because of your memoriam)
• Any religious symbols or icons (I am sure when Jesus was nailed to the plank, he was saying “Man, I hope some ignorant ass niggas and women insecure in their whoredom get tattoos of me! On their lower back!” See, when you think about that, it doesn’t make the crucifix on your spine seem like such a logical decision on how to remember the third greatest fictional character of all time. Logic, peeps. It’s spreading.
• Kanji or characters (Listen here and listen good. The Japanese don’t get the word “death” or “life” tattoos on their asscrack in English. Please give them the same courtesy. I love the Asian culture as much as the next anime & J-Pop fan but I don’t have “BANKAI” tattooed on me for a reason. It’s plain stupid.
• Roses/Tribal (If people have these and they JUST GOT THEM I believe you should have legal right to actually staple barbed wire or thorns into their arms. It would hurt about the same and hopefully you would catch a blood infection and die. Because you would deserve it for getting a tattoo that was only cool in the late 90’s by brain-dead Marines and strippers.
• Your Own Design: I Touched on this earlier. It is NOT your design; it has been done by someone on this planet of SIX BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE! Unless you get a tattoo of:
A pirate riding on a winged grizzly bear that is breathing fire while said pirate is having sex with three geishas with gummi bears for nipples and the bear is attacking a five headed Hydra being rode by Roy Orbison high on smack and holding a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 while tossing off a drunken transvestite dressed as the Statue of Liberty singing “Lost In Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson while Debbie Gibson is actually there giving some rimwork to said transvestite all in Wembley Stadium with fireworks and Foreigner playing in the background on a sea of tapioca pudding
…you don’t have an original design. And I am sure someone has THAT, which would actually be pretty bad ass.
In closing, women have taken on all the traits of niggas just like bros have taken on all the traits of the insecurites of women. In the end, there is one thing that women, niggas and bros all love: Lil Jon:
I will admit….I will miss him when he is in prison. Overall women and niggas are the same people. It is why interracial dating is on the rise. You gotta love who loves you, and since they all have the same faults it is a match made in heaven. Now that they have found love, what are they gonna do? With it? HEAVY D, FOOL!
Anyway, I am about to head to bed because tomorrow I have to get up earlier. Ugh.
Oh, and I am NOT optimistic about R. Kelly being put in the jail. If they JUST got Roman Polanski...R. Kelly may be 80 when they finally take him down. At that point, he will be pissing on people because he can't hold it in. Oy vey.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Say What You Will About Bobby Brown, At Least He Only Peed In A Cop Car.
Alright, I guess I am back again. It has been about a week and the hangover from NDK is over (Got my ticket for next year and looking at going to Anime Nebraskon if anyone is interested) and I have finally gotten my bearings back…for more bullshit.
WHY IN THE FUCK ISN’T R.KELLY IN JAIL?! THAT NIGGA IS STILL MAKING MUSIC!
With Keri Hilson of all people. Now any woman that will work with R. Kelly AND Chris Brown has something wrong with her on all points but that is my personal opinion and this is my blog so if you don’t like it you can eat a dick and find something else on the web. Now I am not trying to JUSTIFY what anyone has done as a crime. Let’s look at this logically. R. Kelly peed on someone. Yes, Michael Vick punished dogs that lost their fight (Although I would say to you that if we killed the losers of sports more often, we would get a better product but I digress) and Plaxico Burress went to jail FOR SHOOTING HIS OWN DUMB ASS IN THE LEG FOR TWO GOD DAMN YEARS (A blog on that in a few days, actually. It is one reason I am boycotting New York because that is some dipshittery right there) but R. Kelly is documented ON TAPE in the ANNALS OF TIME PISSING ON SOMEONE! Even if that girl was a minor, that aint my concern. My concern is that a grown ass man peed on someone. What is wrong with your head that makes you pee on someone, on camera, that is underage and then have the nerve to say that it wasn’t you. It sure as hell wasn’t Avant, nigga!
He don’t even look like R. Kelly! Now I know Black people have some sort of issue with admitting the guilt of their “heroes” and I will agree. I defend Mike Vick from the logical aspect that once you pay a debt to society that you should have the right to ATTEMPT (I repeat to all you animal fags, ATTEMPT) to go back to work without people who think they are above reproach complain about his actions which in the grand scheme of things effect you in no way whatsoever. Yeah, I said it. I also sympathized with Rick James because…cocaine is a hell of a drug. Same with Ol’ Dirty Bastard. One love to Dirt Dog…
Kanye, THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT! Now I am sure if you have read this blog that my hatred of all things goes in line like this:
1. Jesus (He knows why)
2. Black People (If niggas read, they would know why. But since you don’t IT IS BECAUSE YOU DON’T READ! And didn’t support “Reading Rainbow.” LEVAR BURTON IS BLIND, YOU ASSHOLES)
3. Bros (Faux-hawk = you are gay. If you have one, wore one or are thinking of getting one you are gayer that a dick-sucking train at Kanye West’s house)
4. Conservatives (You cling to guns and religion because you can no longer cling to your cousin. Damn laws can’t stop my West Virginia lovin!)
5. R. KELLY (Okay, I like the “Ignition” remix because it is scandal proof but…HE IS NOT A TARGET! That child’s FACE was a target)
6. Christians/Catholics…fuck it, all of people that read a book with a fake ass deity that made shit from Play-Doh and a bottle of tequila
7. 50 Cent (He falls because I aint even seen his gorilla looking ass in like a year)
8. Turks (Swarthy bastards! Like Persians in hammerpants!)
9. Liberals (I hate hippies, so fucking much)
10. Women (Remember when I said being a woman was the new nigger? You are now at the back of the bus. DAMN, I KEEPS IT OFFENSIVE. Wow…that was NOT COOL)
So with all that said, my anger with R. Kelly really isn’t pointed at him because he didn’t pee on me (Now Keith Sweat on the other hand…) per se, but he did pee on the law and basic common sense. Now every persons defense of this nasty ass man is that is if…
Now that is a logical argument. I don’t see piss very often that isn’t coming from me, but if I saw it you best believe I am getting out of the stream and I am swinging on someone. The common sense aspect of this argument is…
WHY IN THE FUCK IS HE PEEING ON SOMEONE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!
Seriously, I am as open as the next person. However, if you engage in water sports, furrism (Is that how they say it? Who cares, furries shouldn’t be reading this anyway, they should be fucking each other in their hoppy bunny suits) or interspecies erotica (Sans collies, because they are the Angelina Jolie of the animal kingdom) then there is something wrong with your brain piece. Each their own, but that shit is gross. Ask anyone that saw my porn collection in the mid-2000’s, I was one freak of a dude but even I can’t condone another grown person pissing on a minor and say that shit is okay. Now two consenting adults peeing on each other…I’m cool with that. It’s not the first idea I would have for a good time but I also fantasize about a five-way with Kristen Chenoweth, Hyori Lee, Zac Efron and Princess Peach in a vat of applesauce so…what do I know?
Mmmm…can you imagine that with the Eff in a big tub of Mott’s Apple-Cinnamon applesauce? I can…and that shit is HOT. Anyway, back on the deviant (IRONY, it is priceless). At the end of the day, it’s the blatant denial of the fact that he doesn’t have a problem with young women that is shocking. I mean I like a loli as much as the next woodland animal but I would never pee on one. We all know about the Aaliyah situation (Rest her soul, I need me a resolution) and have heard rumors about others and he just acts like that shit is normal. Having young friends CAN be normal but…I think that peeing on them crosses a line of SOME SORT. Not sure which line, but it’s there.
Sorry, I just heard an R. Kelly song on the radio and I just felt like as bad as people have treated Chris Brown despite the fact Rihanna has a dome-piece that could kill a tyrannosaurs rex like Bonk from “Bonk’s Adventure” so odds are he was defending himself because she found the meat power-up…he never peed on her. I think, and if she did SHE IS GROWN AND KNOWS TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. Children are stupid and slow; it’s why they have their own zones and we have to drive slow in them. So we need to protect them from R. Kelly because piss comes faster than a car ever will.
And with that…I think I just jumped the shark. Almost 800 posts, I thought it would take a hell of a lot longer. Well, that is all for now. Countdown on Friday and maybe a post on Sunday depending on whether or not I go to D-Town or not. Until then, stay up.
AND NO PISSING ON MINORS!
Chachi Out
WHY IN THE FUCK ISN’T R.KELLY IN JAIL?! THAT NIGGA IS STILL MAKING MUSIC!
With Keri Hilson of all people. Now any woman that will work with R. Kelly AND Chris Brown has something wrong with her on all points but that is my personal opinion and this is my blog so if you don’t like it you can eat a dick and find something else on the web. Now I am not trying to JUSTIFY what anyone has done as a crime. Let’s look at this logically. R. Kelly peed on someone. Yes, Michael Vick punished dogs that lost their fight (Although I would say to you that if we killed the losers of sports more often, we would get a better product but I digress) and Plaxico Burress went to jail FOR SHOOTING HIS OWN DUMB ASS IN THE LEG FOR TWO GOD DAMN YEARS (A blog on that in a few days, actually. It is one reason I am boycotting New York because that is some dipshittery right there) but R. Kelly is documented ON TAPE in the ANNALS OF TIME PISSING ON SOMEONE! Even if that girl was a minor, that aint my concern. My concern is that a grown ass man peed on someone. What is wrong with your head that makes you pee on someone, on camera, that is underage and then have the nerve to say that it wasn’t you. It sure as hell wasn’t Avant, nigga!
He don’t even look like R. Kelly! Now I know Black people have some sort of issue with admitting the guilt of their “heroes” and I will agree. I defend Mike Vick from the logical aspect that once you pay a debt to society that you should have the right to ATTEMPT (I repeat to all you animal fags, ATTEMPT) to go back to work without people who think they are above reproach complain about his actions which in the grand scheme of things effect you in no way whatsoever. Yeah, I said it. I also sympathized with Rick James because…cocaine is a hell of a drug. Same with Ol’ Dirty Bastard. One love to Dirt Dog…
Kanye, THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT! Now I am sure if you have read this blog that my hatred of all things goes in line like this:
1. Jesus (He knows why)
2. Black People (If niggas read, they would know why. But since you don’t IT IS BECAUSE YOU DON’T READ! And didn’t support “Reading Rainbow.” LEVAR BURTON IS BLIND, YOU ASSHOLES)
3. Bros (Faux-hawk = you are gay. If you have one, wore one or are thinking of getting one you are gayer that a dick-sucking train at Kanye West’s house)
4. Conservatives (You cling to guns and religion because you can no longer cling to your cousin. Damn laws can’t stop my West Virginia lovin!)
5. R. KELLY (Okay, I like the “Ignition” remix because it is scandal proof but…HE IS NOT A TARGET! That child’s FACE was a target)
6. Christians/Catholics…fuck it, all of people that read a book with a fake ass deity that made shit from Play-Doh and a bottle of tequila
7. 50 Cent (He falls because I aint even seen his gorilla looking ass in like a year)
8. Turks (Swarthy bastards! Like Persians in hammerpants!)
9. Liberals (I hate hippies, so fucking much)
10. Women (Remember when I said being a woman was the new nigger? You are now at the back of the bus. DAMN, I KEEPS IT OFFENSIVE. Wow…that was NOT COOL)
So with all that said, my anger with R. Kelly really isn’t pointed at him because he didn’t pee on me (Now Keith Sweat on the other hand…) per se, but he did pee on the law and basic common sense. Now every persons defense of this nasty ass man is that is if…
Now that is a logical argument. I don’t see piss very often that isn’t coming from me, but if I saw it you best believe I am getting out of the stream and I am swinging on someone. The common sense aspect of this argument is…
WHY IN THE FUCK IS HE PEEING ON SOMEONE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!
Seriously, I am as open as the next person. However, if you engage in water sports, furrism (Is that how they say it? Who cares, furries shouldn’t be reading this anyway, they should be fucking each other in their hoppy bunny suits) or interspecies erotica (Sans collies, because they are the Angelina Jolie of the animal kingdom) then there is something wrong with your brain piece. Each their own, but that shit is gross. Ask anyone that saw my porn collection in the mid-2000’s, I was one freak of a dude but even I can’t condone another grown person pissing on a minor and say that shit is okay. Now two consenting adults peeing on each other…I’m cool with that. It’s not the first idea I would have for a good time but I also fantasize about a five-way with Kristen Chenoweth, Hyori Lee, Zac Efron and Princess Peach in a vat of applesauce so…what do I know?
Mmmm…can you imagine that with the Eff in a big tub of Mott’s Apple-Cinnamon applesauce? I can…and that shit is HOT. Anyway, back on the deviant (IRONY, it is priceless). At the end of the day, it’s the blatant denial of the fact that he doesn’t have a problem with young women that is shocking. I mean I like a loli as much as the next woodland animal but I would never pee on one. We all know about the Aaliyah situation (Rest her soul, I need me a resolution) and have heard rumors about others and he just acts like that shit is normal. Having young friends CAN be normal but…I think that peeing on them crosses a line of SOME SORT. Not sure which line, but it’s there.
Sorry, I just heard an R. Kelly song on the radio and I just felt like as bad as people have treated Chris Brown despite the fact Rihanna has a dome-piece that could kill a tyrannosaurs rex like Bonk from “Bonk’s Adventure” so odds are he was defending himself because she found the meat power-up…he never peed on her. I think, and if she did SHE IS GROWN AND KNOWS TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. Children are stupid and slow; it’s why they have their own zones and we have to drive slow in them. So we need to protect them from R. Kelly because piss comes faster than a car ever will.
And with that…I think I just jumped the shark. Almost 800 posts, I thought it would take a hell of a lot longer. Well, that is all for now. Countdown on Friday and maybe a post on Sunday depending on whether or not I go to D-Town or not. Until then, stay up.
AND NO PISSING ON MINORS!
Chachi Out
Monday, September 14, 2009
Much Like She, Life Is Like The Wind.
Aw shit, I am back again! It has been almost a month since I last blogged and quite simply, I promise the gaps won’t be nearly as long as that anymore. However, I am going to honestly say that I am not going to be updating once a day like I was during the Spring. Blogging is harder than it looks…well, blogging without being a mouthy Twitter is harder than it looks.
Quick updates: I just got back from NDK 2009 and I am fricking exhausted. From the soju and the suffering bastards on Friday (Which I don’t remember a lot of after about…8pm. If anyone knows or if anyone is pregnant, you may just want to drop me a line. I’m just saying. Either way, fun was had and odds are this is the last time I will be Chef for the whole convention. Stop crying, children! Chef may return but I want to try something new for next year’s NDK (PRE-REG, FOOL!) so after Anime Wasabi of 2010, Chef will be officially retired. Or will he…? We’ll see, children!
Anyway, enough of the formalities. Now it is time for some people to shut the fuck up. Mostly, people who are upset at the Kanye West incident at the VMA’s yesterday or something. First off, there are some things YOU need to hold yourself to task on:
1. Why In The Fuck Where You Watching The VMA’s?: Let’s be honest here; the last video I saw on MTV was either Backstreet Boys or N’SYNC. Because boy bands were the last time people gave a shit about a music video on MTV. Honestly, there is a major reason why the Countdown has gone from being about 70/30 J-Pop & K-Pop/American music to 100% Asian. The medium of music video is DEAD and the fact that MTV acts like they still play them is utter and complete bullshit. Besides, don’t they have another shitty reality show to play?
2. It’s Kanye West, What Where You Expecting?: Now I for one am a fan of about…20-25% of Kanye’s work. Mostly just “808’s & Heartbreak” and of course the FUCKING AWESOME “Us Placers”:
But for the most part, the dude has gone nuts. So why did you expect anything less from a crazy person? Remember the Patton Oswalt joke about America being the retarded trustfund child fucking up the rest of the world with are special ed demands? America…Kanye is your parallel. Which also means you are a closet homosexual. Yeah, I said it.
3. It Is All Bullshit Anyway: Now some will say that it is her award and it was rude to interrupt her speech and you won’t get an argument from me because I could care less about either one unless Kanye decided to Chris Brown her. Let’s look at this…I mean REALLY look at this. I decided to go to MediaTakeOut (Or as I so affectionately call it, “The Nigger News” and if anyone can remember who I got that from you get a free Shasta) and see the winner list and I say to myself..
“In this day and age, if you believe that any awards show that gives anything but a punch to the cunt to Lady GaGa or Katy Perry is reputable then you need to be eliminated. You are fucking up the gene pool.”
Winning an MTV Award is like winning the award for being the smartest person from West Virginia; you are still dumber than a drunken ferret.
Long story short, you knew this shit was bound to happen and it occurred someplace where I am shocked people gave a shit. I guess it was the most important thing that happened last night because I didn’t even know (Or care) it was on until I realized I was missing America’s Best Dance Crew. Long story short, Kanye West is nuts and a douche. We all knew that, so why in the fuck are people shocked about this shit? If anything, I am more upset he had the nerve to wear that gay-ass vest and said that Beyonce deserved that award. A solitary shot of three women dancing isn’t a music video, it’s just cheap editing. “Single Ladies” ranks up there with DJ Taz’s “That’s Right” as the worst video and song EVER. Don’t believe me? Go watch it and tell me it doesn’t suck. I’ll wait.
You back? Told you it sucked and sadly it was better than that trifling ass Beyonce song. MTV sucks, Kanye West is a douche, Beyonce is an average at best…whatever she is and Talor Swift…I don’t really know much about her so…she’s better than Miley Cyrus. Again, not saying much. Where in the hell was BoA in that category, anyway?!:
Now THAT’S how you make a video, ladies. Start of by being Korean, learning to dance, looking good soaking wet and getting Keith Sweat’s nephew to make you a track. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On a serious note, as I was writing this I found out that Patrick Swayze passed away after over a year of fighting with cancer. Cancer is an asshole. As most of you know, I have pretty much patterned my life around three movies:
1. Big Trouble In Little China
2. Grosse Point Blank (POPCORN!)
3. Dirty Dancing
I also follow the words of Pootie Tang, but I just can’t always understand him. It is a damn shame that he is gone because there are few movies he did that I didn’t like. I mean come on, HE WAS IN FUCKING ROAD HOUSE! Let us not forget about “Ghost” with all of his pasty white hotness. I mean, if you are in to that kind of thing.
Patrick Swayze will forever be missed, and we can only hope that the dreamy Hugh Jackman WILL FINALLY STEP HIS GAME UP AND FILL THE VOID IN OUR HEARTS FOR A RUGGED MAN WITH A HEART OF PURE GOLD!
That is all for now. I will try to be up Friday for the Countdown. I didn’t post it on the blog last week due to NDK and the Hilton’s internet connection being SHIT. So here is the Countdown for last week:
30. (f)x - Lachata (New Entry)
29. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
28. Dream - Perfect Girls (Last Week #30)
27. 4Minute – Musik (New Entry)
26. YUI – It’s All Too Much (New Entry)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #28)
24. DNT – Crazily Pretty (Last Week #20)
23. Ayuse Kozue – Don’t Let You Down (Last Week #25)
22. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #19)
21. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR - Good Bye (Last Week #22)
20. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #16, One Week at #1)
19. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #15)
18. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #24)
17. Gackt – The Next Decade (Last Week #17)
16. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
15. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #18)
14. JAY’ED – Cry For You (Last Week #12)
13. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #21) [Biggest Mover]
12. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #7)
11. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #14)
10. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #6)
9. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #10)
8. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #11)
7. Miho Fukuhara – LET IT OUT (Last Week #9)
6. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #4)
5. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (Last Week #8)
4. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
3. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
2. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #3)
1. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Yes, Abingdon Boys School is back at #1 for the first time since 2007! Anyway, I will be up again soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Quick updates: I just got back from NDK 2009 and I am fricking exhausted. From the soju and the suffering bastards on Friday (Which I don’t remember a lot of after about…8pm. If anyone knows or if anyone is pregnant, you may just want to drop me a line. I’m just saying. Either way, fun was had and odds are this is the last time I will be Chef for the whole convention. Stop crying, children! Chef may return but I want to try something new for next year’s NDK (PRE-REG, FOOL!) so after Anime Wasabi of 2010, Chef will be officially retired. Or will he…? We’ll see, children!
Anyway, enough of the formalities. Now it is time for some people to shut the fuck up. Mostly, people who are upset at the Kanye West incident at the VMA’s yesterday or something. First off, there are some things YOU need to hold yourself to task on:
1. Why In The Fuck Where You Watching The VMA’s?: Let’s be honest here; the last video I saw on MTV was either Backstreet Boys or N’SYNC. Because boy bands were the last time people gave a shit about a music video on MTV. Honestly, there is a major reason why the Countdown has gone from being about 70/30 J-Pop & K-Pop/American music to 100% Asian. The medium of music video is DEAD and the fact that MTV acts like they still play them is utter and complete bullshit. Besides, don’t they have another shitty reality show to play?
2. It’s Kanye West, What Where You Expecting?: Now I for one am a fan of about…20-25% of Kanye’s work. Mostly just “808’s & Heartbreak” and of course the FUCKING AWESOME “Us Placers”:
But for the most part, the dude has gone nuts. So why did you expect anything less from a crazy person? Remember the Patton Oswalt joke about America being the retarded trustfund child fucking up the rest of the world with are special ed demands? America…Kanye is your parallel. Which also means you are a closet homosexual. Yeah, I said it.
3. It Is All Bullshit Anyway: Now some will say that it is her award and it was rude to interrupt her speech and you won’t get an argument from me because I could care less about either one unless Kanye decided to Chris Brown her. Let’s look at this…I mean REALLY look at this. I decided to go to MediaTakeOut (Or as I so affectionately call it, “The Nigger News” and if anyone can remember who I got that from you get a free Shasta) and see the winner list and I say to myself..
“In this day and age, if you believe that any awards show that gives anything but a punch to the cunt to Lady GaGa or Katy Perry is reputable then you need to be eliminated. You are fucking up the gene pool.”
Winning an MTV Award is like winning the award for being the smartest person from West Virginia; you are still dumber than a drunken ferret.
Long story short, you knew this shit was bound to happen and it occurred someplace where I am shocked people gave a shit. I guess it was the most important thing that happened last night because I didn’t even know (Or care) it was on until I realized I was missing America’s Best Dance Crew. Long story short, Kanye West is nuts and a douche. We all knew that, so why in the fuck are people shocked about this shit? If anything, I am more upset he had the nerve to wear that gay-ass vest and said that Beyonce deserved that award. A solitary shot of three women dancing isn’t a music video, it’s just cheap editing. “Single Ladies” ranks up there with DJ Taz’s “That’s Right” as the worst video and song EVER. Don’t believe me? Go watch it and tell me it doesn’t suck. I’ll wait.
You back? Told you it sucked and sadly it was better than that trifling ass Beyonce song. MTV sucks, Kanye West is a douche, Beyonce is an average at best…whatever she is and Talor Swift…I don’t really know much about her so…she’s better than Miley Cyrus. Again, not saying much. Where in the hell was BoA in that category, anyway?!:
Now THAT’S how you make a video, ladies. Start of by being Korean, learning to dance, looking good soaking wet and getting Keith Sweat’s nephew to make you a track. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On a serious note, as I was writing this I found out that Patrick Swayze passed away after over a year of fighting with cancer. Cancer is an asshole. As most of you know, I have pretty much patterned my life around three movies:
1. Big Trouble In Little China
2. Grosse Point Blank (POPCORN!)
3. Dirty Dancing
I also follow the words of Pootie Tang, but I just can’t always understand him. It is a damn shame that he is gone because there are few movies he did that I didn’t like. I mean come on, HE WAS IN FUCKING ROAD HOUSE! Let us not forget about “Ghost” with all of his pasty white hotness. I mean, if you are in to that kind of thing.
Patrick Swayze will forever be missed, and we can only hope that the dreamy Hugh Jackman WILL FINALLY STEP HIS GAME UP AND FILL THE VOID IN OUR HEARTS FOR A RUGGED MAN WITH A HEART OF PURE GOLD!
That is all for now. I will try to be up Friday for the Countdown. I didn’t post it on the blog last week due to NDK and the Hilton’s internet connection being SHIT. So here is the Countdown for last week:
30. (f)x - Lachata (New Entry)
29. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #23, Two Weeks at #1) [Plunge of the Week]
28. Dream - Perfect Girls (Last Week #30)
27. 4Minute – Musik (New Entry)
26. YUI – It’s All Too Much (New Entry)
25. Brave Brothers feat. Son Dam Bi & Lee Min Woo - Invisible (Last Week #28)
24. DNT – Crazily Pretty (Last Week #20)
23. Ayuse Kozue – Don’t Let You Down (Last Week #25)
22. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #19)
21. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR - Good Bye (Last Week #22)
20. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #16, One Week at #1)
19. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #15)
18. Jewelry - Vari2ty (Last Week #24)
17. Gackt – The Next Decade (Last Week #17)
16. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
15. Crystal Kay feat. KANAME - After Love ~First Boyfriend~ (Last Week #18)
14. JAY’ED – Cry For You (Last Week #12)
13. Stereopony - Smilife (Last Week #21) [Biggest Mover]
12. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #7)
11. SCANDAL - BEAUTeen!! (Last Week #14)
10. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #6)
9. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #10)
8. G-DRAGON - Heartbreaker (Last Week #11)
7. Miho Fukuhara – LET IT OUT (Last Week #9)
6. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #4)
5. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (Last Week #8)
4. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
3. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #5)
2. Drunken Tiger - Monster (Last Week #3)
1. Abingdon Boys School - Kimi no Uta (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Yes, Abingdon Boys School is back at #1 for the first time since 2007! Anyway, I will be up again soon. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, August 24, 2009
Meat & Me...Wow, That Sounds Really Gay. Gayer Than I Usually Do, Anyway.
What’s up, peeps?! I am back after two weeks or so because last week was kind of meh once again. I will say this though; it’s good to be back.
So last week I decided to try something. After being told I was too fat to use the Wii and my subsequent call with Nintendo which pretty much went:
Me: Your system is broken. Wii Fit says I am too fat to get fit. Should I just give up?
Nintendo: No, it’s just that our Fit Board® has a weight limit to it. However, once you get down to the Wii Fit’s targeted weight you are free and able to use the Wii Fit and all of its features in your fitness regimine!
Me: So…I have to lose weight to be able to use the Wii Fit…so I can lose weight.
Nintendo: Um…
Me: If I had found a way to lose the weight to get on the Wii Fit board, why would I use the Wii Fit AFTER THAT?
Nintendo: Um…
Me: Yeah, I’ll just wait for Metroid from Team Ninja.
Nintendo: Met-what-now?
(I hang up)
Now that is pretty much how it went. If Nintendo gave a shit and had a complaint line because they are too busy fucking schoolgirls on a pile of casual fan and housewife money, I mean. With that being said, Nintendo can eat a dick from now on. Until Metroid from Team Ninja:
Damn you, Team Ninja. Damn you.
So enough on my hatred of those jerkasses. Last week I decided to try a little something. I made a little bet with myself that I couldn’t give up meat for a full month. I first off never realized how easy meat-eaters have it. It is almost like being White; no matter where you go everything is great for you. Like Louis CK said:
Being a meat-eater is the same way. You can go to any restaurant and they have something that you want. Everything kicks ass for you. However, if you want to get something WITHOUT meat…you are kind of fucked. Especially if you don’t want to be one of those tree hugging, patchouli oil wearing, sun dress wearing, dreadlock having, Prius driving douchebag hippie fucks that eat all organic bullshit and think they are better off for it because “I am lean AND saving the planet!” to which I say that I will rape you with a fucking tube steak. Ass to mouth, fucker. Ass to mouth. Wow, I worked in “ass to mouth” in a blog for the fifth time this year. Dare I say…RECORD! Wait, I worked that in 17 times last year. IN DECEMBER. I need to get on the ball.
So I am on day three (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and I realized one thing in a major way: if you are going to give up meat, don’t get meat substitutes because they are not the same. Now some of you may be all like “Hey, there are some great meat alternatives that taste great!” but to that I say whoop-dee-fucking doo. That and I tried a black bean burger patty and my god…that shit was nasty. For the most part, I have no want of meat aside from the fact that it is EVERYFUCKINGWHERE! That shit is in Fruit Loops! The colors are green, yellow, blue, orange and fucking pork! I digress, though. I don’t really miss it very much, although it has only been three days so there hasn’t been much to miss. The real test is going to Korean barbeque or the karaoke bar and not having any galbi or bulgogi. That…is going to be FUCKING ROUGH. Either way it hasn’t been bad so far and giving up meat for a while gives me an excuse to eat the FUCK out of pears and I love them shits. Theys delicious. And applesauce:
I got that applesauce, bitch! So I will keep you abreast of how things go. You know, I need a kickass name for this event. I will call it…
Chachi’s 30 Days Without Meat!
Well, minus Nan Desu Kan. I have NO IDEA what will happen there because I am going to try my best to make photos the only way I remember that weekend. SLUMBER PAR-TAY! Just kidding, there is no meat in a suffering bastard or soju. BOO-YAH! News at 11, or soon. I’ll be back up later this week. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and get ready for the party of the year on September 12th. IT WILL ROCK YOUR FACE!!! Invites coming soon.
Chachi Out
So last week I decided to try something. After being told I was too fat to use the Wii and my subsequent call with Nintendo which pretty much went:
Me: Your system is broken. Wii Fit says I am too fat to get fit. Should I just give up?
Nintendo: No, it’s just that our Fit Board® has a weight limit to it. However, once you get down to the Wii Fit’s targeted weight you are free and able to use the Wii Fit and all of its features in your fitness regimine!
Me: So…I have to lose weight to be able to use the Wii Fit…so I can lose weight.
Nintendo: Um…
Me: If I had found a way to lose the weight to get on the Wii Fit board, why would I use the Wii Fit AFTER THAT?
Nintendo: Um…
Me: Yeah, I’ll just wait for Metroid from Team Ninja.
Nintendo: Met-what-now?
(I hang up)
Now that is pretty much how it went. If Nintendo gave a shit and had a complaint line because they are too busy fucking schoolgirls on a pile of casual fan and housewife money, I mean. With that being said, Nintendo can eat a dick from now on. Until Metroid from Team Ninja:
Damn you, Team Ninja. Damn you.
So enough on my hatred of those jerkasses. Last week I decided to try a little something. I made a little bet with myself that I couldn’t give up meat for a full month. I first off never realized how easy meat-eaters have it. It is almost like being White; no matter where you go everything is great for you. Like Louis CK said:
Being a meat-eater is the same way. You can go to any restaurant and they have something that you want. Everything kicks ass for you. However, if you want to get something WITHOUT meat…you are kind of fucked. Especially if you don’t want to be one of those tree hugging, patchouli oil wearing, sun dress wearing, dreadlock having, Prius driving douchebag hippie fucks that eat all organic bullshit and think they are better off for it because “I am lean AND saving the planet!” to which I say that I will rape you with a fucking tube steak. Ass to mouth, fucker. Ass to mouth. Wow, I worked in “ass to mouth” in a blog for the fifth time this year. Dare I say…RECORD! Wait, I worked that in 17 times last year. IN DECEMBER. I need to get on the ball.
So I am on day three (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and I realized one thing in a major way: if you are going to give up meat, don’t get meat substitutes because they are not the same. Now some of you may be all like “Hey, there are some great meat alternatives that taste great!” but to that I say whoop-dee-fucking doo. That and I tried a black bean burger patty and my god…that shit was nasty. For the most part, I have no want of meat aside from the fact that it is EVERYFUCKINGWHERE! That shit is in Fruit Loops! The colors are green, yellow, blue, orange and fucking pork! I digress, though. I don’t really miss it very much, although it has only been three days so there hasn’t been much to miss. The real test is going to Korean barbeque or the karaoke bar and not having any galbi or bulgogi. That…is going to be FUCKING ROUGH. Either way it hasn’t been bad so far and giving up meat for a while gives me an excuse to eat the FUCK out of pears and I love them shits. Theys delicious. And applesauce:
I got that applesauce, bitch! So I will keep you abreast of how things go. You know, I need a kickass name for this event. I will call it…
Chachi’s 30 Days Without Meat!
Well, minus Nan Desu Kan. I have NO IDEA what will happen there because I am going to try my best to make photos the only way I remember that weekend. SLUMBER PAR-TAY! Just kidding, there is no meat in a suffering bastard or soju. BOO-YAH! News at 11, or soon. I’ll be back up later this week. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and get ready for the party of the year on September 12th. IT WILL ROCK YOUR FACE!!! Invites coming soon.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Even I Have My Secrets. Like I Use Secret Deodorant. It's Strong Enough For Me Too!
What is up, peeps?! Yes, I am back for the third straight day for the first time since April. Don’t getting used to that shit, though. So today, I thought I would try something a little bit different and level with the peeps. I am pretty open about myself and the only real guard I have up is one of rage and scathing humor because my self-esteem and pride were taken in small pieces by several women over the last 5 years or so. Rarely do I let the peeps in and see…the real me. Reason being is that inside me lies a evil that is yet to be unleashed on this world…and applesauce. I loves the applesauce. That and it is easy to have SOME kind of seperation from the persona that is Chachi and the man that is me. However, sometimes I do break the “4th Wall” and let you in to see a little bit about who I am and what makes me they way I am. There are some things I keep hidden from the world, only known by a select few people and animals. Today, I have decided to let you in and show you a little more about what makes me tick. Show you some of the things that I keep personal or hidden from you all for a myriad of reasons. Today, I break that wall down and let you know a few of…
Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!
Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”
Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…
Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee
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Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…
Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads
Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:
• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)
• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)
Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.
More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Guilty Pleasures!
Guilty Pleasure #1: Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”
Okay, a little known fact about me is that I have a thing for Avril Lavigne. I don’t know what it is, I think it is the whole “Hot Topic Punk Chic” look she has going on but man…I wants me some of that. Not only that, this song is catchy as hell. Yes, I have done this song at karaoke and NO I didn’t change the words because I awesome like that. And ambiguous, but not by design. More by default because women irritate me and men disgust me. Except for a certain man…
Guilty Pleasure #2: Byung Hun Lee
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Whether you know him as Storm Shadow from the AWESOME Gi-Joe: Rise of Cobra or you know him as The Bad from EVEN MORE AWESOME The Good, The Bad, The Weird I just call him the hottest thing to come out of Korea since Park Jung Ah from Jewelry (More on her sexyfine self later). If you saw GI Joe, and when he took his shirt off when fighting Snake Eyes in their climactic battle, if you didn’t hear Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” play in the background then male or female YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING! The man is perfection in its Asian form and if you haven’t seen his work, do so. If you are a female you will (OR BETTER!) swoon and if you are a man you can do like me and envy his awesomeness. Speaking of awesomeness…
Guilty Pleasure #3: 80’s Power Ballads
Fuck you, I am from the suburbs and you know it. As one that spent the late 80’s and early 90’s overseas, all we got was:
• George Michael (YES!)
• Queen (FUCK YES!!)
• Genesis (Uh…okay?)
• Erasure (Eh, kind of indifferent)
• SNAP (If I have to hear “Rhythm Is A Dancer” one more time, I am going to smother a baby with a kitten!)
• Army Of Lovers (Rather underrated in my opinion)
• Annie Lennox/Eurythmics (Never had anything against her or the band. Although she didn’t do a great version of “Under Pressure” at the Queen tribute show but David Bowie saved it)
• David Bowie (He always was a trend setter…)
• Michael Jackson (Especially in Germany. Only the Hoff was bigger in the land of derr weiner)
• Hair bands (Shocking to me, too)
Seriously, that was it. It didn’t matter the hair band, either. If they had a power ballad, you heard it 24/7 and after a while, you began to like them. From Firehouse’s “Love Of A Lifetime” to Queensryche’s “Siment Lucidity” they got major video and airplay and with Yo! MTV raps coming on at 11pm on a Sunday I didn’t have much of a choice. Looking in retrospect, if I had to choose between Poison or Candyman, give me a rose with all the thorns in the world. Candyman SUCKED.
More later, I am in the mood for some K-Dramas. Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU?! Good, That's Nice To Hear :)
My Blogger peeps have been bugging me about putting the new Countdown up and I totally spaced on it last Friday (So you three MySpace readers get a treat, I guess). I have been posting them on YouTube but I promised I would start posting it on the Passion again a few weeks ago, so here we are...I spoil you.
Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!
30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]
To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!
The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!
AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi's Top 30 Video Countdown!
30. 2ne1 - Fire (Last Week #26, Four Weeks at #1)
29. DNT – Crazily Pretty (New Entry)
28. Stereopony - Seishun Ni Sono Namida Ga Hitsuyou Da! (Last Week #21)
27. Base Ball Bear – Stairway Generation (New Entry)
26. Kumi Koda – Lick Me (Last Week #16) [Plunge of the Week]
25. ORANGE RANGE - Hitomi no Saki ni (Last Week #18)
24. NICO TOUCHES THE WALLS – Hologram (Last Week #30)
23. 4 Minute – Hot Issue (Last Week #14)
22. Drunken Tiger - Monster (New Entry)
21. Brown Eyed Girls – Abracadabra (Last Week #28)
20. Minwoo – Minovation (Last Week #20)
19. FLOW – NUTS BANG!!! (Last Week #12)
18. BoA – Energetic (Last Week #23)
17. UVERworld – GO-ON (Last Week #27) [Biggest Mover]
16. SCANDAL - Shojo S (Last Week #10)
15. YA-KYIM – HAPPY FACE (Last Week #25)
14. Inoue Joe – GO!! (Last Week #19)
13. Mihimaru GT - Torokechau Dandy (Last Week #17)
12. Madcon - Beggin (Last Week #6)
11. Jasmine – Sad To Say (Last Week #15)
10. Ikimonogakari – Hotaru No Hikari (Last Week #11)
9. Chae Yeon - Shake (Last Week #4)
8. Tsuji Shion – M/elody (Last Week #13)
7. BIG BANG – Gara Gara Go! (Last Week #9)
6. School Food Punishment - Butterfly Swimmer (Last Week #5)
5. Seamo – My Answer (Last Week #8)
4. YA-KYIM - Tabun Kitto (Last Week #2, Two Weeks at #1)
3. 2NE1 – I Don’t Care (Last Week #7)
2. Mr. Hudson featuring Kanye West - Supernova (Last Week #3)
1. SNSD (Girls Generation) – Tell Me Your Wish (Genie) [Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1]
To give an update (I didnt post it last week) Girls Generation knocked YA-KYIM from the top spot and holds it for another week! Mr. Hudson and Kanye West hold the runner up spot while 2NE1 is looking to get their second number one video of the year as they hold the number three spot. UVERworld IS FUCKING BACK and Drunken Tiger makes his way on the Countdown for the first time!
The new Countdown will be up Wednesday night/Thursday morning depending on how the schedule changes tomorrow. Until then, stay up and check the new YouTube channel! I will post the AnimeWasabi and NDK 2008 videos up there soon, too!
AND QUIT YOUR BITCHING! I WILL PUT THE COUNTDOWNS UP ON THE BLOG EVERY SATURDAY...since you are to lazy to save the fricking channel on YouTube, you know I baby you all too much. Anyway, stay up.
Chachi Out
Alcohol: The Great Stupifier
Okay, this is somewhat of a repeat from 2008, solely because I need to get back into the groove of writing posts. If you have never blogged everyday (Which I did in 2008) it is actually like another job. Only in this job I can completely kick it old school every now and then. Some of this is new, most of it is old and it is ALL OFFENSIVE. You know you love it and you love me. Now suck it up, mutha!
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.
Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!
Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:
• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)
However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.
Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.
Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!
Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!
Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!
It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Random Thought #1: It Isn’t Me, It’s You.
So I got a call from a friend of mine about a situation a while back where he told a woman no when she was drunk and felt it necessary to try to give up the goods. Now I had to explain to him that there was nothing wrong with not feeling anything during the moment because you feel nothing for the person but at the same time I was kind of pissed off. Not at him but at the fact that we as people have downgraded ourselves to simpletons and fuckwits to the point that people see themselves as nothing more than a step above simians. Now in all points of eveolution that is true but someone told me this weekend that all men are made to do is:
• Fuck
• Sleep
• Shit
• Eat
Now I am not sure if he meant in that EXACT order but that is pretty much the gist of it. Now I understand that at our core as human beings we are animals and there are natural, if not primal instincts we all have. Yes, sex is one of them but it gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a real simple question: is that all I am?
Seriously, how can women demand respect when at the drop of a keg they are willing to fuck whoever will take it? Don’t dare say it is a right because it is also my right to cornhole a drunk woman that hits on me like the NYPD to an African immigrant but at the same time that shit could be seen as..um…what’t that word….oh, RAPE. Now people get all touchy when I talk about this subject and I don’t care anymore. If a woman is going to get drunk and thrown herself at someone then at no point should she allowed to complain about not being respected. To do that shows you HAVE no respect for yourself and because someone respects you enough to NOT take advantage of you (Or himself as to not end up with the herp or SyphilAIDS) it isn’t because you aren’t “pretty enough” or because “we don’t like you” it is because you are in no position to make a rational decision and if you are making a rational decision to drunkenly have sex with someone you don’t know then maybe there are some men that don’t want to be a part of that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a drunk chick, people. I wonder when in the hell that became the norm. Hell, I wonder when it became a bad thing to NOT fuck a drunk chick. I have yet to understand why men are shocked when you don’t sex up a woman that has more alcohol in her than a Russian whore (Hearing shit like, “Dude, she was so drunk that she couldn’t stand and she was all over you! I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t fuck her!” is more disgusting than disheartening) because I figured men had more dignity then to wait until a woman was too drunk to function before doing the dirty deed with her.
What is even MORE shocking is how women respond to the rejection of the drunken pitching woo of “You are so funny!” and “I am so drunk!” as they attempt to suck the antidote for drunken whore from your throat (Whoa….that was an awkward six moments. Been a weird life over in Chachi-land for the last year and a half). Now ladies, let’s use some logic here. Some drunk dude begins slobbering all over your ear and saying you are “The hottest thing since Heather Locklear” while attempting to dry-humping you from behind but really can’t because he is too drunk to stand up straight all while reeking of Jagerbombs and Axe body spray. Now ladies, if this sounds like your ideal night of sexy-time then you need to get tested for AIDS and whore because you are fucking disgusting. For the women that find this disgusting and rather unromanitic then…now you know how it feels. Just because you are female doesn’t mean that everyone wants you at all times and no matter how you approach a man that he wants to have sex with you. Now that sounds like a novel concept but not everyone is out to fuck you and if you are drunk and pretty much raping me then there is NO WAY IN HELL SOMEONE SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU. I mean seriously, if a man drunkenly approached you the way I have been drunkenly approached then you would NOT want to entertain the thought of anything but mace in the face for that person. Yet, I am expected to just want to go at it because you are drunk enough to create the brain synapse to bust your legs akimbo and say in the most unattractively inebriated voice to fuck you. Call me gay, say I am being judgmental or even better say that I have no place to turn down a woman because I am ugly. Well I DO have the place to make a judgment call when I think something isn’t right or uncomfortable for me just like women DON’T do when they drink themselves into whoredom. In other words: just because you put it out there doesn’t mean someone has to take it. No matter what dumb bitches and douchebag dudes say you made the right choice, money. You know who you are, don’t let the morons question you. You told her no and you didn’t get a disease or a crazy bitch calling you all the time. You win, she loses. As Hillary Clinton is proving, women hate that shit.
Random Thought #2: Don’t Be An Individual…It Gets You Nowhere
You know, I have noticed how men in this country are kind of put into few categories of manlieness. There are a couple of boxes out there that if you don’t fit into, you usually are either ignored or seen a s a freak. If you aren’t a:
1. Bro: You know who and what they are. I won’t even take the time out to explain. Just watch:
A bro is self explanatory after that. If you don’t get it either you are one and/or you are fucking one. And you are a worthless shit and worthy of death.
2. Guidos: You have seen them. I thought they stayed only in Jersey, Boston and other shitholes in the East Coast (I’m down with that Westside….or the FAR EAST COAST! ASIA STAND UP!). If you aren’t familiar…
Man….they are worse than bros. Mainly because they are fucking swarthy.
3. Thugs: Now let’s not get it twisted here. Thugs and niggas are one in the same because there are White niggas, too. I know I sound like a Klansmen but I am a racist White man at heart. These dudes always dress like they are filming a Shawty Lo video because…niggas are fucking stupid and can’t separate real life from fantasy. That’s why niggas don’t have jobs (Ironic…I have become what I hate!) Which confuses me why they have women that pay for everything but hey, from my experience women aren’t the brightest bulbs in the marquee, either. Man…I am so jaded.
4. Hipster: My god, I hate hipsters. They are the worst of the bunch mostly for the fact that being one is the only legit alternative to the other three if you want to be something noticeable. This means getting a mid-range European sports car, getting an iPod and joining Greenpeace.
FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, PUSSIES! It means drinking Starbucks, getting faux-Goodwill clothes (But spending $220 for them because even though you don’t care about fashion you CARE ABOUT FUCKING FASHION) and just love White jazz and indie-folk rock which is the exact same fucking thing.
Now if you don’t fall under that category you are like mixed people and Asians in the Census: OTHER. Man, I hate being “other” (As most of you know I have fully embraced Asian because ain’t a 50 Cent in sight. Asians don’t put up with niggatry) because then you usually have to explain what you like and why you like it and I don’t have the time or the fucking wherewithal to explain why I like manga, J-pop, Scrubs and Lupe Fiasco. If you are identified with a sub-group you automatically have an identity that people can latch on to because if I have learned anything about people in this country it is that doing research is well below them because they fake not having time with being lazy asshats. Now coming from a fattie this is an odd statement but at the same time I know my problem and AT LEAST make attempts to remedy it. People now cannot grasp the concept of people not fitting into a small box so that they can figure you out quickly and without having to get to know you at all. It is what makes America suck ass. My statement is validated by this simple statement:
"I am not for the war."
This automatically triggers in people two responses: either I am against the troops or for terrorism. Now seeing as that is the most asinine way to interpret my stance that is LITERALLY how people respond when I say that. Just like either you love America or hate it, either you are part of the in crowd or you are not. Think I am wrong? Think my comparison is not fair? Well, it is sadly true. People are stupid and believe spin like Jews. Driedel….spinning….Jews? Fuck you, Jew jokes are hilarious. It’s okay when I make fuck of niggas, women and bros but I poke a little fun at the Jews and you are like “Nooooo?” Eat my balls, evildoer.
When you add it all up, the only true individuals are shockingly….the emo kids. Follow me on this one. With the norms pretty much set up, emo is already outside of the norm. They are conformists but not to the socially accepted sub-groups so for all intents and purposes they are being individuals by breaking out of the norm. Now we all know that emo kids are the ultimate in conformity but since they actually are conformists they are conforming AGAINST the social norm which in the end makes them….non-conforming conformists. Which means that they ARE individuals…in a non-individual way. So kids, I guess the only way for us to be individuals is to conform to the way of the emo. Go get your teddy bears and notepads, hole yourself up in your closests, write poetry about pain & suffering and pull out those My Chemical Romance and Starlight Ray CD’s…it’s time to lean like an emo:
I am going to write a song about how my dad doesn’t love me.
Random Thought #3: You Like Boobies. NOW YOU’RE A MAN!
Now I have ranted about this a few times but now I am really just getting annoyed with this. Now there are some things that SCIENTIFICALLY make you a man:
• Male testes
• The lack of ability to create milk, except in high stress situations. In some cases, you may lactate from your pants.
• Uneven number of ribs. (Women was made from a rib, but they sure can’t cook’em! ZING!)
However, my question is since when did it happen that you are only considered a STRAIGHT man if you engage in things that are homoerotic and compensating for shortcomings? I mean, actually HAVING gay sex makes you gay but damn near jizzing to the dry-humping and sweaty grinding of UFC fights makes you an uber-man? Weren’t these the same chuckleheads complaining about the blue wang in Watchmen? A FUCKING MOVIE?! There is something else about the “Rise of the Uber-Man” that is pissing me off and that is the obsession with breasts.
Okay first off, I don’t really think that judging a woman is FAIR because I don’t like being judged any more than they do but humans are a worthless lot that wants their Pop Tarts in seven fucking seconds so getting to know someone based off a personality and whether they are batshit crazy takes a backseat to DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES! My statement is simple: not being obsessed with breasts on a woman doesn’t make you gay. Being obsessed with breasts on a man, and then subsequently pounding him in the ass MAKES YOU GAY.
Now I bring this up because I have to discuss this with dudes all the time about how I think it is shallow to judge women in such a fashion. You should judge them by DAT ASS!
Even Kim Jong Ill gots to bite dat lip!
Yeah, boy! Yes, I like the backyard. The only Black thing about me (Stereotypes, fool!) is my love of it. Anyway, I get really confused about the obsession with breasts by men because the majority of them don’t even like real ones. I mean, if breasts are completely even then odds are they were bought. Which is fine, if you like fake jubblies then that is cool but it doesn’t make you manly. It means you like balls. Which is what fake boobs pretty much look like. Liking balls is gay. Therefore, if you like fake breasts you are gay. I just proved it with science. IN YO FACE, FAGGY!
It’s good to be back on the scene! I will try to be back up tomorrow with something but if I do not, you know what to do. Stay up.
Chachi Out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Wang, Much Like The Internet...Is A Series Of Sperm Coated Tubes.
So I wanted to talk about something that I spoke about this weekend while getting my soju and galbi on. To take a step back, I saw about three minutes of “Megan Wants A Millionaire” and something I always knew was cemented and reinforced:
WOMEN ARE SELFISH
Now aint a damn thing wrong with that. It is like the way I feel about being shallow. You CAN be shallow but know that you can never complain about being unhappy if you are going to exclude people because of how they look. Now when I mentioned this show to a female friend she AUTOMATICALLY got on the defensive and pretty much put “women like that” on the fringe which to me is total bullshit but I am just a man that is scared of Bolivians so who am I to disagree, right? Really though, it really brought up a question about what it means to not only be shallow, but to be selfish.
Now the discussion got onto vasectomies versus the tying of tubes and something very interesting came about that had just hit me. Now in places I have worked and with people I have hung out with, the majority of the time I end up hanging with older women because…well, I only like college football and despise most other male oriented entertainment which pretty much puts me as a queer to other men. Which I could care less about anyway seeing as how organized sports is just acceptable homoerotic behavior as far as I am concerned. Yep, I went there. Anyway, I guess I am the male version of Oprah because people open up to me with their feelings like I get paid for it and give a shit (Usually I do, but sometimes I just want to gouge your eyes out) and always talked about personal aspects that I just kind of sat back and listened to. One that came up was the “I don’t want any more kids” discussion to which I would say “either tie your tubes or take it on the chin” which I thought was hilarious but as usual was met with the standard pointless femdom. They always said “well how come the man can’t get HIS tubes tied?!”
Well, ladies you need to understand something. When a building is condemned, do block it off from the general populace? Or do you cut off the highway LEADING TO THE BUILDING? Exactly, you block off the building. If you cut the power off, do you shut off the breaker to the building or do you cut off the power to the whole county? Exactly. Now first off, I don’t think anyone should tie their tubes ever because it is killing ants with a sledgehammer. You don’t want kids? Keep sperm from out of your fucking vagina. It isn’t FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! STOP FUCKING! OR FUCK SMARTER! OR SWALLOW! If you need to burn the crops and salt the Earth to stop something that you know how it occurs then you aren’t smart enough to be having sex.
Secondly, an important thought was brought up to me which I found on one end hilarious but on the other end painfully telling about how selfish the aspect of tying tubes is. For a man it takes about eight years for severed tubes to reconnect (Give or take, I’m no cockologist) which means that the troops are no longer marching for two Olympic years. Most marriages last between 5.7 and 7.1 years (Depending on the publications. Most Christian publications stated 10-12 years which is bullshit and liberal sites stated 2-4 years which I think is dead on but I have to be fair) which means that lets say they “decide” to have the man snip his tunnel two years in. That means if they get divorced in two years that she is free to get knocked up by some other motherfucker while he is shooting empty like a slip-n-slide with no people for the next few years. So quite simply, this is why I believe women want men to get vasectomies rather than them getting their tubes tied:
It’s not that they don’t want ANY more kids; they just don’t want to have any more of YOUR kids.
Science, peeps. I drops it. Call me Dr. Chachi. Hope you had a good laugh because I sure as hell did. I will be back another day.
Chachi Out
WOMEN ARE SELFISH
Now aint a damn thing wrong with that. It is like the way I feel about being shallow. You CAN be shallow but know that you can never complain about being unhappy if you are going to exclude people because of how they look. Now when I mentioned this show to a female friend she AUTOMATICALLY got on the defensive and pretty much put “women like that” on the fringe which to me is total bullshit but I am just a man that is scared of Bolivians so who am I to disagree, right? Really though, it really brought up a question about what it means to not only be shallow, but to be selfish.
Now the discussion got onto vasectomies versus the tying of tubes and something very interesting came about that had just hit me. Now in places I have worked and with people I have hung out with, the majority of the time I end up hanging with older women because…well, I only like college football and despise most other male oriented entertainment which pretty much puts me as a queer to other men. Which I could care less about anyway seeing as how organized sports is just acceptable homoerotic behavior as far as I am concerned. Yep, I went there. Anyway, I guess I am the male version of Oprah because people open up to me with their feelings like I get paid for it and give a shit (Usually I do, but sometimes I just want to gouge your eyes out) and always talked about personal aspects that I just kind of sat back and listened to. One that came up was the “I don’t want any more kids” discussion to which I would say “either tie your tubes or take it on the chin” which I thought was hilarious but as usual was met with the standard pointless femdom. They always said “well how come the man can’t get HIS tubes tied?!”
Well, ladies you need to understand something. When a building is condemned, do block it off from the general populace? Or do you cut off the highway LEADING TO THE BUILDING? Exactly, you block off the building. If you cut the power off, do you shut off the breaker to the building or do you cut off the power to the whole county? Exactly. Now first off, I don’t think anyone should tie their tubes ever because it is killing ants with a sledgehammer. You don’t want kids? Keep sperm from out of your fucking vagina. It isn’t FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! STOP FUCKING! OR FUCK SMARTER! OR SWALLOW! If you need to burn the crops and salt the Earth to stop something that you know how it occurs then you aren’t smart enough to be having sex.
Secondly, an important thought was brought up to me which I found on one end hilarious but on the other end painfully telling about how selfish the aspect of tying tubes is. For a man it takes about eight years for severed tubes to reconnect (Give or take, I’m no cockologist) which means that the troops are no longer marching for two Olympic years. Most marriages last between 5.7 and 7.1 years (Depending on the publications. Most Christian publications stated 10-12 years which is bullshit and liberal sites stated 2-4 years which I think is dead on but I have to be fair) which means that lets say they “decide” to have the man snip his tunnel two years in. That means if they get divorced in two years that she is free to get knocked up by some other motherfucker while he is shooting empty like a slip-n-slide with no people for the next few years. So quite simply, this is why I believe women want men to get vasectomies rather than them getting their tubes tied:
It’s not that they don’t want ANY more kids; they just don’t want to have any more of YOUR kids.
Science, peeps. I drops it. Call me Dr. Chachi. Hope you had a good laugh because I sure as hell did. I will be back another day.
Chachi Out
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Black On Black Crime: The Name Of A Gay Pornographic Movie Just WAITING TO HAPPEN.
Hey peeps. I am back with something to say. First off, YES I know this is the first time I have blogged twice in a week in a while. It happens. Anyway, something happened today that validated a previous blog in when I stated (And I am paraphrasing here) that rap will never be what it once was do the the random acts of niggatry. I keep hoping to get proved wrong…but then asshatery like THIS happens:
For those of you that don’t know, it seems that Joe Buddens (The guy that did the song…from…um…oh yeah the last dance battle in “You Got Served”) dissed Method Man (The guy from “How High” and…”Red and Meth.” Shocked that shit got cancelled) by saying he was better than him. All of a sudden the whole Wu-Tang Clan, who suck without the crazy glue that is Ol’ Dirty Bastard, got all in his ass about claiming that. To which I say so the fuck what? Arent all the members of the Wu in their god damn thirties? I think that is when someone dissing you should roll off your back because YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING MAN! Yet, a few days ago someone decided it was a good idea to go all Michael Jackson’s “Bad” on Mr. Jumpoff and confront him at a festival and then one of them hauled off and hit him in the eye for some dumbass reason. Now that you are all caught up, I have a question for you. At what point do people decide what is a dumb ass idea? The whole concept of hip-hop beef is asinine to me but even more retarded is the thought process that acting like a fucking moron is actually LOOKED HIGHLY UPON BY PEOPLE. Especially Black people in which ignorance is bliss, but more on that later. When is it okay to bring a gang of people to confront ONE PERSON because he “dissed” your GROWN ASS FRIEND? I mean seriously? Is this shit needed? At what point does one just say “Chaaaa, you know what? I just got dissed by the modern day Rob Base. I’m good” rather than act like a 13 year old schoolgirl and spout off with a “OH NO YOU DI-ENT!” and slap their hands at eachother like Friday Night Sissy Fights (Chappelle reference? Anyone?) because they arent smart enough to just get a case of the Phukits? It’s why hip hop is fucking dead. I am just waiting for the “Hambone Comin” remix of Death of Autotune. And while I am talking about his trifiling ass, since when was Jay-Z an authority on anything musical? That nigga uses more samples than clinic and is going to state when a musical trend is over? You know, I’m not even upset at the autotune factor as much as I am upset at the statement about rap becoming “soft” which is something that I have been battling with for a long time. This is a problem that is all over rap now, and it has started a trend that I really am not a fan of:
Homophobia
Now that is a word that I don’t WANT to use. However I have just noticed in the conversations I have had recently with Black people on message boards and forums that there is a level of homophobia in the Black community that needs to be addressed and it is very heavy in the hip hop community:
Now as a straight male that…has “festive tendencies” I must say that the “how ya doin” and “suspect” comments about Blacks that the community things are gay ends up being closed-minded and overall bigoted. Now I am not saying that Black people and gays should join hands and sing “I Will Survive” at every rally but at least act like you understand that there is a plight and it isnt to be ridiculed or ostricized. Yeah, I went there. With all the shit that Black people have gone through, you are some of the most intolerant motherfuckers I have ever met. The only thing seperating Blacks and White conservatives are Confederate flags. Anyone remember the Prop 9 fiasco? Now I understand if you have your beliefs about gay marriage no matter what your race, age or religion. I am saying this, and I don’t care who you are and how well you know me. This is the truth about you, no matter who you are:
If you are against gay marriage, you are intolerant and bigoted. The fact you have the UNMITIGATED NERVE to tell someone that cannot (OR SHOULD NOT) get married to someone they love makes you the kind of person that wouldn’t give a stroller to a teen mother in need (Thanks for the awesome line, Kasey!) and I despise you more than I despise the Turks.
If Jesus was such a loving Jew, he would want ANYONE to pursue their happiness as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Two homosexual people together doesn’t hurt you any more than it hurts Black people that rappers sing. See the parallel? It’s there.
Oh, and for the people saying that marriage is a religious institution and the word of “God” determines what marriage is. Let’s do this: take all the LEGAL AND FINANCIAL BENEFITS from married people. THEN we will see where the skewers meet the meat, as Master Shake would say. Oh, and for those of you that say it says that laying with a man or woman if you are of the same sex is wrong in the Bible I have a few things for you to think about from your “book”:
1. There was a talking bush in the bible
2. A snake talked in there too, I believe
3. Fundamentally says that all humans are inbred because they were born from two people. All races came from those same people, too.
4. Murder happened every 10 minutes. Which is a sin I believe. More so than two chicks scissoring on their honeymoon, that’s for damn sure.
5. A multi-headed dragon. What the fuck is this, Final Fantasy VII? At least it made more fucking sense than the bible and FINAL FANTASY VII MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! Oh, and the movie of Sephiroth was better than the movie for Jesus no matter how many religious fuckbags lined up to see it. People say Transformers 2 and Scary Movie in droves, doesn’t make them any good.
6. Jesus was a Jew.
7. Jesus was a NAPPY HEADED Jew.
8. Jesus loved a bargain. It was why he was such a successful carpenter.
9. I’m pretty sure Judas was queer. You saw how he looked at Jesus. He wanted some divinity if you know what I mean. And I mean “teh gay savior sex.”
Offended yet? Good, that is how I feel about intolerance. Now I say a lot of shit on this blog that reeks of intolerance but at the end of the day, those that know me understand that I am actually one of the (shockingly) most liberal people you will meet. Why? Because who the fuck am I to tell someone who or where they can marry? Who am I to tell someone when or not to bring a child into this world. I think some people SHOULDN’T have children but to each their own. As long as we can make it a law, do what you want as long as it aint gonna hurt nobody:
Kid-N-Play were OBVIOUSLY GAY. Didn’t hurt nobody, though. I mean unless you messed up the Kick Step which was a concussion and a torn ACL waiting to happen. Anyway, it was a round-a-bout blog but the overall message is…um…knowing is half the battle?
YO JOE! GO SEE GI JOE RIGHT NOW!!!! That’s pretty much it. I will blog later on this week about something or another. Until then, stay up and quit being douchebags.
Chachi Out
For those of you that don’t know, it seems that Joe Buddens (The guy that did the song…from…um…oh yeah the last dance battle in “You Got Served”) dissed Method Man (The guy from “How High” and…”Red and Meth.” Shocked that shit got cancelled) by saying he was better than him. All of a sudden the whole Wu-Tang Clan, who suck without the crazy glue that is Ol’ Dirty Bastard, got all in his ass about claiming that. To which I say so the fuck what? Arent all the members of the Wu in their god damn thirties? I think that is when someone dissing you should roll off your back because YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MOTHERFUCKING MAN! Yet, a few days ago someone decided it was a good idea to go all Michael Jackson’s “Bad” on Mr. Jumpoff and confront him at a festival and then one of them hauled off and hit him in the eye for some dumbass reason. Now that you are all caught up, I have a question for you. At what point do people decide what is a dumb ass idea? The whole concept of hip-hop beef is asinine to me but even more retarded is the thought process that acting like a fucking moron is actually LOOKED HIGHLY UPON BY PEOPLE. Especially Black people in which ignorance is bliss, but more on that later. When is it okay to bring a gang of people to confront ONE PERSON because he “dissed” your GROWN ASS FRIEND? I mean seriously? Is this shit needed? At what point does one just say “Chaaaa, you know what? I just got dissed by the modern day Rob Base. I’m good” rather than act like a 13 year old schoolgirl and spout off with a “OH NO YOU DI-ENT!” and slap their hands at eachother like Friday Night Sissy Fights (Chappelle reference? Anyone?) because they arent smart enough to just get a case of the Phukits? It’s why hip hop is fucking dead. I am just waiting for the “Hambone Comin” remix of Death of Autotune. And while I am talking about his trifiling ass, since when was Jay-Z an authority on anything musical? That nigga uses more samples than clinic and is going to state when a musical trend is over? You know, I’m not even upset at the autotune factor as much as I am upset at the statement about rap becoming “soft” which is something that I have been battling with for a long time. This is a problem that is all over rap now, and it has started a trend that I really am not a fan of:
Homophobia
Now that is a word that I don’t WANT to use. However I have just noticed in the conversations I have had recently with Black people on message boards and forums that there is a level of homophobia in the Black community that needs to be addressed and it is very heavy in the hip hop community:
Now as a straight male that…has “festive tendencies” I must say that the “how ya doin” and “suspect” comments about Blacks that the community things are gay ends up being closed-minded and overall bigoted. Now I am not saying that Black people and gays should join hands and sing “I Will Survive” at every rally but at least act like you understand that there is a plight and it isnt to be ridiculed or ostricized. Yeah, I went there. With all the shit that Black people have gone through, you are some of the most intolerant motherfuckers I have ever met. The only thing seperating Blacks and White conservatives are Confederate flags. Anyone remember the Prop 9 fiasco? Now I understand if you have your beliefs about gay marriage no matter what your race, age or religion. I am saying this, and I don’t care who you are and how well you know me. This is the truth about you, no matter who you are:
If you are against gay marriage, you are intolerant and bigoted. The fact you have the UNMITIGATED NERVE to tell someone that cannot (OR SHOULD NOT) get married to someone they love makes you the kind of person that wouldn’t give a stroller to a teen mother in need (Thanks for the awesome line, Kasey!) and I despise you more than I despise the Turks.
If Jesus was such a loving Jew, he would want ANYONE to pursue their happiness as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else. Two homosexual people together doesn’t hurt you any more than it hurts Black people that rappers sing. See the parallel? It’s there.
Oh, and for the people saying that marriage is a religious institution and the word of “God” determines what marriage is. Let’s do this: take all the LEGAL AND FINANCIAL BENEFITS from married people. THEN we will see where the skewers meet the meat, as Master Shake would say. Oh, and for those of you that say it says that laying with a man or woman if you are of the same sex is wrong in the Bible I have a few things for you to think about from your “book”:
1. There was a talking bush in the bible
2. A snake talked in there too, I believe
3. Fundamentally says that all humans are inbred because they were born from two people. All races came from those same people, too.
4. Murder happened every 10 minutes. Which is a sin I believe. More so than two chicks scissoring on their honeymoon, that’s for damn sure.
5. A multi-headed dragon. What the fuck is this, Final Fantasy VII? At least it made more fucking sense than the bible and FINAL FANTASY VII MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! Oh, and the movie of Sephiroth was better than the movie for Jesus no matter how many religious fuckbags lined up to see it. People say Transformers 2 and Scary Movie in droves, doesn’t make them any good.
6. Jesus was a Jew.
7. Jesus was a NAPPY HEADED Jew.
8. Jesus loved a bargain. It was why he was such a successful carpenter.
9. I’m pretty sure Judas was queer. You saw how he looked at Jesus. He wanted some divinity if you know what I mean. And I mean “teh gay savior sex.”
Offended yet? Good, that is how I feel about intolerance. Now I say a lot of shit on this blog that reeks of intolerance but at the end of the day, those that know me understand that I am actually one of the (shockingly) most liberal people you will meet. Why? Because who the fuck am I to tell someone who or where they can marry? Who am I to tell someone when or not to bring a child into this world. I think some people SHOULDN’T have children but to each their own. As long as we can make it a law, do what you want as long as it aint gonna hurt nobody:
Kid-N-Play were OBVIOUSLY GAY. Didn’t hurt nobody, though. I mean unless you messed up the Kick Step which was a concussion and a torn ACL waiting to happen. Anyway, it was a round-a-bout blog but the overall message is…um…knowing is half the battle?
YO JOE! GO SEE GI JOE RIGHT NOW!!!! That’s pretty much it. I will blog later on this week about something or another. Until then, stay up and quit being douchebags.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
You Know...I Really Don't Like TMZ.
Guess who is back in the MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE?! With a new blog for your motherfucking mouth! Yes, I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A MONTH SINCE AN UPDATE! First off, shut the fuck up. I am going through a mid-life crisis, you cockmongers. Now I know you say “You’re 28, you are no where near a mid-life crisis” and I tell you that you have a lot of fucking nerve and seeing as how I plan on being dead at 33 like Jesus (Give or take, depending on who you ask and who gives a shit) I am well overdue for a freakout. Things are better now; things are opening up and I have my “either this shit works or I am choosing the escape option FFVII style” plan set as well. In other words…I am fucking back:
Love that song. So with that being said, with it being a month or so since I updated a lot of shit has gone down. Aside from the MJ dying thing which I got over once I realized I didn’t know him and I own all the music from him I care about, there hasn’t been much to bitch about in July, mostly because I was too busy trying to get things back in order after the mindfuck that was the last five days of June. By the way, you know you are when I say this and if you read it I am shocked but I could still care less: EAT A DICK. If I wasn’t such a fan of Heathcliff I would fuck your cat and force you to watch. Or your bastardized creation of a dog.
Anyway, July was a slow news month for me and then…August hit. It is only three five days into the month and already the world has sunken into a level of dipshittery that even I can’t stop the anger about. Let’s get started shall we with the first ever…
Chachi’s Shit That Don’t Make Right Good Sense!
Can A Nigga Eat?
So I for one was glad to see Mike Vick get out of jail. I feel his punishment was too severe for the crimes committed but it is the law and that was the punishment. You can say what you will about my views and I will say to you: eat a dick. So he gets out of jail and people have the all out NERVE to say “he should be banned from football!” to which I say…really? Understand something here; I love dogs. I have had the same dog since Kool and the Gang was running around (Not really, but Shaolin is one old dog) and I would never make him fight other dogs for money because I know he would lose. He aint the toughest dog out there. The simple fact is that Mike Vick was just a small business owner that happened to break several laws and statues in the state of Virginia in regards to taking underpriviledged and disenfranchised dogs off the street and putting them in an environment that they could earn college credit by…killing eachother. Isn’t that the American dream? That and being the greatest professional wrestler of all time?
Okay, that’s just me. Either way, he fucked up. LEGALLY. Fuck your morals and your beliefs on animal rights because they don’t mean shit to me. He broke the law, he was punished and his debt to society has been paid. THE END. It should be up to the discretion of the NFL, the players union and the Pound Puppies on whether Vick should play again. The only thing PETA should be allowed to do is die because I hate them with a passion. I with sodomize a baby seal if it makes one member cry and those are drastic measures but I don’t like fuckwits.
The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that people ignore all the shit others have done but focus on Vick like he has done something worse than others. The Hall of Fame is full of wife beaters, child piledrivers, racists and even murders and no one says shit. Didn’t Ray Lewis stab a nigga DURING SUPER BOWL WEEKEND and he was named Super Bowl MVP? Didn’t Kobe Bryant have butt sex with a White woman (Every man’s dream, don’t you dare lie. It’s great!) and he got away with it? Weren’t Brett Farve and John Daly admitted alcoholics that nearly pissed away their careers? These were things that had NOTHING to do with the game. There wasn’t nary a dog on the field during those Atlanta Falcons games. What happened to those dogs…to me PERSONALLY…wasn’t tragic or wrong. It was illegal and he went to jail for it. That should be it, his time has been served, let this man live his life and leave the decision of whether he plays up to the league.
Women + Technology = NO
You know…I don’t even know what to think anymore. How can we vote for a woman president if they don’t understand THE BASICS? Now if you have ever read ANYTHING I have blogged then you know how I feel about women and technology. I am a firm believer in that if someone violates your privacy by taking pictures of you without your knowledge then that is messed up and you have all reason to be upset. However if you take naked pictures OF YOURSELF on a medium that is easily hacked and then get upset or in an uproar about when they are leaked…well you are on your own, buddy. This proves the Zebra Theory to a fact. Let’s takethis theory to Vanessa Hudgens
A few years ago (Hell, it may have been last year) she got caught in an issue about nude photos of her that were all over the interweb. Now no one knows how they got there, but they did. And everyone was all about the violation of her privacy. To a degree I have to agree but there comes a point where one has to say “You know…people out there have gotten my pictures once so maybe I SHOULD STOP DOING THIS!” Now every female says “It should be my right to take pictures of whatever I want on my phone and not have to worry about it being hacked!” and to that I say if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon. The facts are that people DO hack cell phones and even worse if you send them to your boyfriend and you break up…what the fuck where you thinking in the first place? Seriously? Naked pictures? You really expect them not to go anywhere? Gawd, you must be fucking dense.
Chris Brown and Rihanna….You Know What? Fuck It.
I am so sick of this crap. Not those two, they are just dumb kids doing dumb things. It’s with the people saying “How can she be so stupid?!” and calling Chris Brown a monster. First off, Chris Brown is about as tough as Snagglepuss and twice as queer. Secondly, and follow me on this one because I am going to move fast on this, it is Rihanna’s fault anyway. Now before you all sit back and say “OMG! You support domestic violence?!” I first must say I support punching people in the grill piece that act a fucking fool. Now with THAT being said I am not talking about the supposed ass-whoopin Rihanna got. I am talking about the fact that she could end this bullshit quickly by saying either she is or isn’t interested. By doing that, she creates closure on the subject so everyone can move on to lusting over Megan Fox or whatever. Instead, all she does is leave the door open and does random weirdness like she wants him back. Which is fine, but do understand that people are going to call you a dumbass for trying to stay with him even though he have you the Chris Brown Stunner:
Oddly enough, I am sure this is exactly how it went down. Minus the kick ass music, odds are “Kiss, Kiss” was playing. Either way, both are doing this for the publicity and forgetting the fact that women everywhere are learning that it is okay to go back to a man that kicks your ass in public as long as he can dance. See: Bobby Brown and James Brown. And Chris Brown? What is up with dudes with the last name Brown smacking up on women? I may have just created science, fool!
Well, it’s good to be back. I will drop something else soon. Until then…keep it real.
Chachi Out
Love that song. So with that being said, with it being a month or so since I updated a lot of shit has gone down. Aside from the MJ dying thing which I got over once I realized I didn’t know him and I own all the music from him I care about, there hasn’t been much to bitch about in July, mostly because I was too busy trying to get things back in order after the mindfuck that was the last five days of June. By the way, you know you are when I say this and if you read it I am shocked but I could still care less: EAT A DICK. If I wasn’t such a fan of Heathcliff I would fuck your cat and force you to watch. Or your bastardized creation of a dog.
Anyway, July was a slow news month for me and then…August hit. It is only three five days into the month and already the world has sunken into a level of dipshittery that even I can’t stop the anger about. Let’s get started shall we with the first ever…
Chachi’s Shit That Don’t Make Right Good Sense!
Can A Nigga Eat?
So I for one was glad to see Mike Vick get out of jail. I feel his punishment was too severe for the crimes committed but it is the law and that was the punishment. You can say what you will about my views and I will say to you: eat a dick. So he gets out of jail and people have the all out NERVE to say “he should be banned from football!” to which I say…really? Understand something here; I love dogs. I have had the same dog since Kool and the Gang was running around (Not really, but Shaolin is one old dog) and I would never make him fight other dogs for money because I know he would lose. He aint the toughest dog out there. The simple fact is that Mike Vick was just a small business owner that happened to break several laws and statues in the state of Virginia in regards to taking underpriviledged and disenfranchised dogs off the street and putting them in an environment that they could earn college credit by…killing eachother. Isn’t that the American dream? That and being the greatest professional wrestler of all time?
Okay, that’s just me. Either way, he fucked up. LEGALLY. Fuck your morals and your beliefs on animal rights because they don’t mean shit to me. He broke the law, he was punished and his debt to society has been paid. THE END. It should be up to the discretion of the NFL, the players union and the Pound Puppies on whether Vick should play again. The only thing PETA should be allowed to do is die because I hate them with a passion. I with sodomize a baby seal if it makes one member cry and those are drastic measures but I don’t like fuckwits.
The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that people ignore all the shit others have done but focus on Vick like he has done something worse than others. The Hall of Fame is full of wife beaters, child piledrivers, racists and even murders and no one says shit. Didn’t Ray Lewis stab a nigga DURING SUPER BOWL WEEKEND and he was named Super Bowl MVP? Didn’t Kobe Bryant have butt sex with a White woman (Every man’s dream, don’t you dare lie. It’s great!) and he got away with it? Weren’t Brett Farve and John Daly admitted alcoholics that nearly pissed away their careers? These were things that had NOTHING to do with the game. There wasn’t nary a dog on the field during those Atlanta Falcons games. What happened to those dogs…to me PERSONALLY…wasn’t tragic or wrong. It was illegal and he went to jail for it. That should be it, his time has been served, let this man live his life and leave the decision of whether he plays up to the league.
Women + Technology = NO
You know…I don’t even know what to think anymore. How can we vote for a woman president if they don’t understand THE BASICS? Now if you have ever read ANYTHING I have blogged then you know how I feel about women and technology. I am a firm believer in that if someone violates your privacy by taking pictures of you without your knowledge then that is messed up and you have all reason to be upset. However if you take naked pictures OF YOURSELF on a medium that is easily hacked and then get upset or in an uproar about when they are leaked…well you are on your own, buddy. This proves the Zebra Theory to a fact. Let’s takethis theory to Vanessa Hudgens
A few years ago (Hell, it may have been last year) she got caught in an issue about nude photos of her that were all over the interweb. Now no one knows how they got there, but they did. And everyone was all about the violation of her privacy. To a degree I have to agree but there comes a point where one has to say “You know…people out there have gotten my pictures once so maybe I SHOULD STOP DOING THIS!” Now every female says “It should be my right to take pictures of whatever I want on my phone and not have to worry about it being hacked!” and to that I say if I had wheels, I’d be a wagon. The facts are that people DO hack cell phones and even worse if you send them to your boyfriend and you break up…what the fuck where you thinking in the first place? Seriously? Naked pictures? You really expect them not to go anywhere? Gawd, you must be fucking dense.
Chris Brown and Rihanna….You Know What? Fuck It.
I am so sick of this crap. Not those two, they are just dumb kids doing dumb things. It’s with the people saying “How can she be so stupid?!” and calling Chris Brown a monster. First off, Chris Brown is about as tough as Snagglepuss and twice as queer. Secondly, and follow me on this one because I am going to move fast on this, it is Rihanna’s fault anyway. Now before you all sit back and say “OMG! You support domestic violence?!” I first must say I support punching people in the grill piece that act a fucking fool. Now with THAT being said I am not talking about the supposed ass-whoopin Rihanna got. I am talking about the fact that she could end this bullshit quickly by saying either she is or isn’t interested. By doing that, she creates closure on the subject so everyone can move on to lusting over Megan Fox or whatever. Instead, all she does is leave the door open and does random weirdness like she wants him back. Which is fine, but do understand that people are going to call you a dumbass for trying to stay with him even though he have you the Chris Brown Stunner:
Oddly enough, I am sure this is exactly how it went down. Minus the kick ass music, odds are “Kiss, Kiss” was playing. Either way, both are doing this for the publicity and forgetting the fact that women everywhere are learning that it is okay to go back to a man that kicks your ass in public as long as he can dance. See: Bobby Brown and James Brown. And Chris Brown? What is up with dudes with the last name Brown smacking up on women? I may have just created science, fool!
Well, it’s good to be back. I will drop something else soon. Until then…keep it real.
Chachi Out
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