Well, it has been another year and another successful 52 weeks. But we now have the final Countdown of 2008 so sit back and see the final listing for the biggest videos on Earth with…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown
Let’s begin with Falling Out:
T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Peaked at #2)
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Peaked at #6)
HAMC’s swan song makes me sad as we end the year and as for T.I. I guess he will be gone for a year as well for other reasons. Let’s get the Countdown started with the return of the shooting stars of 2008!
20. YA-KYIM respects KOME KOME CLUB – Kimi Ga Iru Dake De (New Entry)
Hells yes! YA-KYIM is back with a mini-album of covers/remakes and this may be the best of the bunch! I was familiar with the Kome Kome Club but this song was one I had never really heard to a big extent due to my language barrier. I have to say, I love this song now. And these ladies are fine as hell.
19. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #16, One Week at #1)
The Wonder Girls are STILL hanging on to the Countdown this week! They don’t look to have a new video out before the end of the year, which is a shame.
18. Game feat Ne-Yo – Camera Phone (New Entry)
Looks like the Game is back! This time he brings along Ne-Yo whose irritation factor has dropped of significantly over the last few months. This initially wasn’t one of my favorite songs on the album but it has really grown on me.
17. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #14, Two Weeks at #1)
Kanye is still holding on with his first video from 808’s and Heartbreak. He has arguably had the biggest year of any artist not named Lil Wayne and we will have to see if that equals awards.
16. Kanye West – Heartless (Last Week #19)
Mo Kanye, Mo Problems! His latest video jumps up three spots this week as we move on. Here is hoping he does a video for “Amazing” or “Coldest Winter” because those are my favorite songs on the album.
15. Young Jeezy – Crazy World (Last Week #12)
The Snowman falleth! He falls three spots this week as we end the year. Can he get his latest video out by next week?
14. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #17)
Joe Inoue moves up this week as they look to start off 2009 with a bang! Their Naruto opening is looking to become the third to make it to the Top Three.
13. David Cook – Light On (Last Week #15)
Yeah, I like David Cook. Sue me. With rock being relegated to the return of AC/DC. Guns ‘N’ Roses and Metallica…rock needs help.
12. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #10)
Miss Koda falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since October!! Her new album comes out next month and I am looking forward to this almost as much as I did Black Cherry! I missed my baby boo!
11. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #13)
This song has officially taken over. It is one of the three new ringtones and when people hear it…they don’t know who it is and I don’t care. Either way, RSP is making the most of their Countdown debut!
10. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (Last Week #7)
We enter the Top 10 with Rain! And he is falling down this week. I am hoping that there is a video for “Fresh Lady” in my future but odds are…not this year. MAKE IT HAPPEN!
9. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 11)
Aqua Timez is back! They move into the Top 10 for the second time this year and are hoping that they can pull down their second number one video! Also, Bleach is FINALLY kicking ass again in the manga. Get caught up and check it out!
8. UVERworld – Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi (Last Week #6)
UVERworld stalls once again in their quest to end their streak of videos not hitting number one. It is hard to top the success of three straight number one videos, though.
7. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #9)
Nana Mizuki is making the most of her stay! Her first time out and she is moving up to the Top Five! This video is now on the phone and I don’t care what people think about it. She is a cutie, too!
6. YUI – I’ll Be (Last Week #3)
Much like The World, Yui continues her streak of not hitting the number one after two straight chart-toppers. As a matter of fact, she has hit number two with six straight videos without taking the top spot again. Damn…that’s rough.
5. Paramore – Decode (Last Week #8)
Paramore is back near the top! This gives them their second Top Five video of 2008 in the last week of the Countdown of this year. Too bad it is from that shitty ass Twinkle movie. Oh, check out the trailer for Underworld. THAT is how you make a vampire movie, jackasses.
4. T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (Last Week #1, Five Weeks at #1)
T.I. and Rihanna fall from the top spot! They had the second longest reign of 2008 (Behind Bennie K’s astounding 7 weeks on top) and even though they fell from the top, they still had a very big year. We are down to the final Top Three of 2008!
3. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #5)
Ikimonogakari is back! For the second time this year, they make the Top Three! Can they FINALLY pull down their first number one video?
2. Halcali – LONG KISS GOODBYE (Last Week #4)
Halcali is back! The ladies move up to number two this week and are the highest they have ever been since 2006! But with T.I. & Rihanna at number four and Halcali at number two, the new queen is still on top!
1. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
BoA is on top for a second straight week! This song is the new officially all call ringtone and I even saw a commercial for this video on MTV! Could we see BoA truly invade America?! I hope so because dammit I am TIRED OF BRITNEY! Give me BoA!
That is all for the final Countdown of 2008! Tune in on January 2nd for the first Countdown of 2009! Will BoA begin 2009 the way she ended 2008 at number one? Or will Halcali return to the top spot? Or will Ikimonogakari FINALLY take the throne? Tune in next Friday to find out!
That is all for now, peeps! Tune in on New Year’s Eve for the End of Year Top 100 Video Countdown of 2008 and the Year End Extravaganzaa on December 30th including the final Omnibus of 2008! Stay tuned and stay up!
Chachi Out!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas, Everyone. Except For The Jews...
...they have a few more crazy nights. TO everyone out there, have a very merry motherfucking Christmas. I hope you enjoy your family. Or just get drunk of apple wine. It has been a hardcandy Christmas. I will be back for the Countdown tomorrow and get ready for the Year End Kickass Extravaganza! Stay up ya'll, here is some eggnog in yo face:
Peace on Earth, bitches.
Chachi Out
Peace on Earth, bitches.
Chachi Out
Monday, December 22, 2008
Can You Find It In Your Heart To Forgive Me?!
Okay, okay. I felt bad about not living up to my end of the bargain with posting the nominees for the Chachi Music Awards. Well, since I just watched the end of the Carolina Panthers/New York Giants and now Atlanta has not only made the playoffs but have a chance to WIN THE DIVISION…I had to do it. I am now finished (Although open to suggestions) with the nominees and here they are! Now take a look at the…
Chachi Music Awards Nominee Extravaganza!!!
Here are the nominees for the first set of Song categories!:
SONGS
Pop Song of the Year
Hearts Grow – Sora
James Morrison – You Give Me
Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Colbie Calliblat – Realize
Duffy – Warrick Avenue
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Bi (Rain) – Love Story
Rihanna – Take A Bow
Rock Song of the Year
Nightmare – Lost In Blue
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
Mindless Self-Indulgence – Never Wanted To Dance
Paramore – That’s What You Get
BACK-ON – Sands Of Time
The Killers – Too Human
L’Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN
KELUN – CHU-BURA
Hip Hop Song of the Year
Kanye West – Love Lockdown
T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life
Lupe Fiasco feat Mark Santos, Young Jeezy & T.I. – Superstar (Remix)
Game feat Keishia Cole – Game’s Pain
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
Lil Wayne feat Static Major – Lollipop
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell) – Us Placers
Fonzworth Bentley feat Kanye West and Andre 3000 – Everybody (Don’t Stop)
J-Pop Song of the Year
YUI – Laugh Away
Hearts Grow – Sora
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
YA-KYIM – Super Looper
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
NaNa – SHOW GIRL
Bennie K – Monochrome
May J – Do Tha’, Do Tha’
R&B Song of the Year
Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F.
Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love This Club
Alicia Keys – Superwoman
Erykah Badu – Honey
Rain – Love Story
Jennifer Hudson feat Young Jeezy – Spotlight (Remix)
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light
K-Pop Song of the Year
Tae Yang – Watching Only You
Rain – Love Story
Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Seo In Young – Cinderella
Wonder Girls – So Hot
BoA – Eat You Up
Uhm Jung Hwa – D.I.S.C.O.
Big Bang – Number 1
Song of the Year
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell) feat Thom Yorke – Us Placers
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Bennie K – Monochrome
T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life
Hearts Grow – Sora
Duffy – Warrick Avenue
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
As you can see, the song categories play off the Countdown and the Chachi Music Video Awards pretty well. This looks like a tight bunch here, with TK and TI gathering several nods. Now for the albums!
ALBUMS
Pop Album of the Year
Rain – Rainism
Coldplay – Viva La Vida
New Kids on The Block – The Block
Jason Mraz – We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things
RBD – Empezar Desde Cero
Miley Cyrus – Breakout
Duffy - Rockferry
Hyori Lee – It’s Hyorish
Hip Hop Album of the Year
Game - LAX
Lil Wayne – Tha Carter III
Atmosphere – When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
Lupe Fiasco – The Cool
T.I. – Paper Trail
Kanye West – 808 & Heartbreak
Young Jeezy – The Recession
Common – Universal Mind Control
J-Pop Album of the Year
May J – Baby Girl
Yui – MY SHORT STORIES Vol. 1 & 2
KELUN – KELUN
BACK-ON – YES!!!
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION – World World World
EXILE – EXILE LOVE
BoA – THE FACE
R&B Album of the Year
Robin Thicke – Something Else
Chris Brown – Exclusive (Re-Issue)
Erykah Badu – New Amerykah Pt. 1 (4th World War)
Usher – Here I Stand
Ne-Yo – Year of the Gentleman
John Legend – Evolver
Jennifer Hudson – Jennifer Hudson
J-Rock Album of the Year
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – ROCK PIT
KELUN – KELUN
An Cafe – Gokutama Rock Cafe
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION – World World World
Sambomaster – Ongaku no Kodomo wa Mina Utau
UVERworld - PROGLUTION
BACK-ON – YES!!!
Bennie K – BEST OF THE BESTEST
Album of the Year
Lil’ Wayne – Tha Carter III
Hyori Lee – It’s Hyorish
T.I. – Paper Trail
Lupe Fiasco – The Cool
John Legend – Evolver
Duffy - Rockferry
Rain – Rainism
Kanye West – 808’s & Heartbreak
It was a slow year for albums but as you can see, Kanye and T.I. are looking quite good here. Hyori Lee and Rain pull in two nominations each as once again, Duffy shocks us all two big nominations including album of the year. Interesting. Now it is time for the big ones…the ARTISTS OF THE YEAR!
ARTISTS
Pop Artist of the Year
Colbie Caillat
Nelly Furtado
Coldplay
Jesse McCartney
Duffy
RBD
Miley Cyrus
NLT
Rock Artist of the Year
Paramore
Shinedown
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Killers
L`Arc~en~Ciel
Theory of a Deadman
Maximum The Hormone
Disturbed
Hip Hop Artist of the Year
Lil’ Wayne
Kanye West
Young Jeezy
Andre 3000
Lupe Fiasco
T.I.
Game
Snoop Dogg
J-Pop Artist of the Year
Toshinobu Kobuta
Kumi Koda
NaNa
YUI
Hearts Grow
Yuna Ito
TM Revolution
Ikimonogakari
R&B Artist of the Year
Usher
Alicia Keys
Erykah Badu
John Legend
Chris Brown
Rihanna
Robin Thicke
Toshinobu Kobuta
J-Rock Artist of the Year
BACK-ON
KELUN
Maximum The Hormone
Dir En Grey
Tommy Heavenly6
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION
Aqua Timez
K-Pop Artist of the Year
Hyori Lee
Big Bang
Rain
BoA
Wonder Girls
Tae Yang
BoA
Uhm Jung Hwa
Group of the Year
Paramore
L’Arc~en~Ciel
Ikimonogakari
Hearts Grow
KELUN
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Wonder Girls
Bennie K
Artist of the Year
Kanye West
YUI
Hyori Lee
T.I.
Wonder Girls
Young Jeezy
NaNa
Bennie K
Rain
NaNa looks to make it happen again! She was nominated for several awards after a strong end of 2007 but it carried over to 2008 and she racks up a few more nods! It is still Kanye and T.I. looking to battle it out with Hyori and Rain as the hip hop vs. K-Pop battle continues. Look out for Young Jeezy, he dominated the CMVA’s and that could carry over!
Well, that is all for now. I am about to grab a drink to celebrate the hard work of the Atlanta Falcons and hopefully be sober by the time I have to catch the bus to go to work tomorrow. Stay tuned to the Chachi Music Awards! The date the winners will be announced is January 25th 2009 and up until then I will be taking requests for any changes! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
Chachi Music Awards Nominee Extravaganza!!!
Here are the nominees for the first set of Song categories!:
SONGS
Pop Song of the Year
Hearts Grow – Sora
James Morrison – You Give Me
Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Colbie Calliblat – Realize
Duffy – Warrick Avenue
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Bi (Rain) – Love Story
Rihanna – Take A Bow
Rock Song of the Year
Nightmare – Lost In Blue
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
Mindless Self-Indulgence – Never Wanted To Dance
Paramore – That’s What You Get
BACK-ON – Sands Of Time
The Killers – Too Human
L’Arc~en~Ciel – DRINK IT DOWN
KELUN – CHU-BURA
Hip Hop Song of the Year
Kanye West – Love Lockdown
T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life
Lupe Fiasco feat Mark Santos, Young Jeezy & T.I. – Superstar (Remix)
Game feat Keishia Cole – Game’s Pain
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
Lil Wayne feat Static Major – Lollipop
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell) – Us Placers
Fonzworth Bentley feat Kanye West and Andre 3000 – Everybody (Don’t Stop)
J-Pop Song of the Year
YUI – Laugh Away
Hearts Grow – Sora
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – HOT LIMIT
YA-KYIM – Super Looper
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
NaNa – SHOW GIRL
Bennie K – Monochrome
May J – Do Tha’, Do Tha’
R&B Song of the Year
Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F.
Usher feat Young Jeezy – Love This Club
Alicia Keys – Superwoman
Erykah Badu – Honey
Rain – Love Story
Jennifer Hudson feat Young Jeezy – Spotlight (Remix)
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
John Legend feat Andre 3000 – Green Light
K-Pop Song of the Year
Tae Yang – Watching Only You
Rain – Love Story
Hyori Lee – U-Go-Girl
Seo In Young – Cinderella
Wonder Girls – So Hot
BoA – Eat You Up
Uhm Jung Hwa – D.I.S.C.O.
Big Bang – Number 1
Song of the Year
Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy
CRS (Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell) feat Thom Yorke – Us Placers
Wonder Girls – So Hot
Bennie K – Monochrome
T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life
Hearts Grow – Sora
Duffy – Warrick Avenue
Young Jeezy feat Kanye West – Put On
As you can see, the song categories play off the Countdown and the Chachi Music Video Awards pretty well. This looks like a tight bunch here, with TK and TI gathering several nods. Now for the albums!
ALBUMS
Pop Album of the Year
Rain – Rainism
Coldplay – Viva La Vida
New Kids on The Block – The Block
Jason Mraz – We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things
RBD – Empezar Desde Cero
Miley Cyrus – Breakout
Duffy - Rockferry
Hyori Lee – It’s Hyorish
Hip Hop Album of the Year
Game - LAX
Lil Wayne – Tha Carter III
Atmosphere – When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
Lupe Fiasco – The Cool
T.I. – Paper Trail
Kanye West – 808 & Heartbreak
Young Jeezy – The Recession
Common – Universal Mind Control
J-Pop Album of the Year
May J – Baby Girl
Yui – MY SHORT STORIES Vol. 1 & 2
KELUN – KELUN
BACK-ON – YES!!!
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION – World World World
EXILE – EXILE LOVE
BoA – THE FACE
R&B Album of the Year
Robin Thicke – Something Else
Chris Brown – Exclusive (Re-Issue)
Erykah Badu – New Amerykah Pt. 1 (4th World War)
Usher – Here I Stand
Ne-Yo – Year of the Gentleman
John Legend – Evolver
Jennifer Hudson – Jennifer Hudson
J-Rock Album of the Year
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – ROCK PIT
KELUN – KELUN
An Cafe – Gokutama Rock Cafe
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION – World World World
Sambomaster – Ongaku no Kodomo wa Mina Utau
UVERworld - PROGLUTION
BACK-ON – YES!!!
Bennie K – BEST OF THE BESTEST
Album of the Year
Lil’ Wayne – Tha Carter III
Hyori Lee – It’s Hyorish
T.I. – Paper Trail
Lupe Fiasco – The Cool
John Legend – Evolver
Duffy - Rockferry
Rain – Rainism
Kanye West – 808’s & Heartbreak
It was a slow year for albums but as you can see, Kanye and T.I. are looking quite good here. Hyori Lee and Rain pull in two nominations each as once again, Duffy shocks us all two big nominations including album of the year. Interesting. Now it is time for the big ones…the ARTISTS OF THE YEAR!
ARTISTS
Pop Artist of the Year
Colbie Caillat
Nelly Furtado
Coldplay
Jesse McCartney
Duffy
RBD
Miley Cyrus
NLT
Rock Artist of the Year
Paramore
Shinedown
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Killers
L`Arc~en~Ciel
Theory of a Deadman
Maximum The Hormone
Disturbed
Hip Hop Artist of the Year
Lil’ Wayne
Kanye West
Young Jeezy
Andre 3000
Lupe Fiasco
T.I.
Game
Snoop Dogg
J-Pop Artist of the Year
Toshinobu Kobuta
Kumi Koda
NaNa
YUI
Hearts Grow
Yuna Ito
TM Revolution
Ikimonogakari
R&B Artist of the Year
Usher
Alicia Keys
Erykah Badu
John Legend
Chris Brown
Rihanna
Robin Thicke
Toshinobu Kobuta
J-Rock Artist of the Year
BACK-ON
KELUN
Maximum The Hormone
Dir En Grey
Tommy Heavenly6
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION
Aqua Timez
K-Pop Artist of the Year
Hyori Lee
Big Bang
Rain
BoA
Wonder Girls
Tae Yang
BoA
Uhm Jung Hwa
Group of the Year
Paramore
L’Arc~en~Ciel
Ikimonogakari
Hearts Grow
KELUN
HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR
Wonder Girls
Bennie K
Artist of the Year
Kanye West
YUI
Hyori Lee
T.I.
Wonder Girls
Young Jeezy
NaNa
Bennie K
Rain
NaNa looks to make it happen again! She was nominated for several awards after a strong end of 2007 but it carried over to 2008 and she racks up a few more nods! It is still Kanye and T.I. looking to battle it out with Hyori and Rain as the hip hop vs. K-Pop battle continues. Look out for Young Jeezy, he dominated the CMVA’s and that could carry over!
Well, that is all for now. I am about to grab a drink to celebrate the hard work of the Atlanta Falcons and hopefully be sober by the time I have to catch the bus to go to work tomorrow. Stay tuned to the Chachi Music Awards! The date the winners will be announced is January 25th 2009 and up until then I will be taking requests for any changes! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
THE FALCONS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! NUFF SAID!
Okay, I know I promised an update today but sadly it aint gonna happen. Why? Well…
THE ATLANTA FALCONS ARE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFFS, THAT’S WHY!
May the Wolven help us all if they make it to the Super Bowl. SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE, BITCHES!
Matt Ryan is the punky QB and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah yakkity smackity. Man, I am about to get TORE UP! This only happens once every three years or so (About the same time frame I get intimate with a lady so I enjoys it while I can. GIGGITY!) so I am going to live it up and give the Chachi Music Awards Nomination special the day after Christmas. I truly apologize to those of you that were looking forward to it but step off, I’m doing the dirty bird! Stay up ya’ll and GO FALCONS!!!!1!!
Chachi Out
THE ATLANTA FALCONS ARE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFFS, THAT’S WHY!
May the Wolven help us all if they make it to the Super Bowl. SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE, BITCHES!
Matt Ryan is the punky QB and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah yakkity smackity. Man, I am about to get TORE UP! This only happens once every three years or so (About the same time frame I get intimate with a lady so I enjoys it while I can. GIGGITY!) so I am going to live it up and give the Chachi Music Awards Nomination special the day after Christmas. I truly apologize to those of you that were looking forward to it but step off, I’m doing the dirty bird! Stay up ya’ll and GO FALCONS!!!!1!!
Chachi Out
Friday, December 19, 2008
A Tie: Like Kissing Your Sister...If She Was Korean And Could Dance Like An Angel...
Okay, enough talk! MORE BUSINESS! And I am in the business of giving you the business of the twenty biggest videos on the planet. And business is booming!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s start with the videos no longer with us in Falling Out:
Hearts Grow – Sora (Peaked at #1 for Three Weeks)
Hearts Grow had one of the best runs of 2008. Let’s hope an album comes soon! Now let’s start with arguably the artist with the biggest YEAR!
20. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #17)
The King of the South falls three spots this week as we begin the Countdown! It has been a dominant year so far, beginning in the Top Three and maybe ending at number one? Stay tuned!
19. Kanye West – Heartless (New Entry)
The other main contender for Artist of the Year has yet ANOTHER video debut on the Countdown! I am liking this song more and more as I hear it and the video (Albeit animated) has grown on me as well. Welcome back, Ye!
18. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #15)
It looks like it is over for HAMC as their last video as a group for now looks to be spending its last week on the chart. We will remember…the good times…talk among yourself, I need air!
17. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #20)
Okay, I am back and better now. Because Joe Inoue is moving on up! This video has a whole Gorillaz feel to it which is definitely a good thing.
16. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
Yeah…I need me some more Wonder Girls. Prepare the party van and call Chris Hansen because I need to take a seat over there because of them! BALDERDASH!
15. David Cook – Light On (Last Week #18)
David Cook is slowly moving up the Countdown this week. Kind of like another American Idol winner by the name of Daughtry. It took him almost two months to make it to the top which bodes well for Mr. Cook.
14. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #10, Two Weeks at #1)
More Kanye! Okay, I actually LIKE “808 and Heartbreaks” so either I am in the minority or hip hoppers are in the closet about this album. Much like Kanye is firmly in the closet. I AM KIDDING!
13. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #14)
RSP moves up only one spot this week. However, I AM SO LEARNING THE WORDS TO THIS SONG! Karaoke…I think I am ready to break it out.
12. Young Jeezy – Crazy World (Last Week #11)
Jeezy has a new video out soon! Which is good because this one falls a spot this week just short of the Top 10.
11. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 16, Biggest Mover)
So…can we officially say that Aqua Timez is back? Just checking. They move up a big five spots this week as we now know that they can make a Bleach theme like no one else. Including the movie, isn’t this three?
10. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #8)
We are in the Top 10 as we begin with Kumi Koda! My baby boo falls two spots this week but I still have a soft spot for her. Just not in my pants. AH-OOOHHH-GA!
9. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #12)
Wow, Nana Mizuki move up three spots and into the Top 10 for the first time ever! It has been a pretty slow year for first timers on the Countdown this year but Nana is looking to follow ANOTHER NaNa that made a splash in 2007!
8. Paramore – Decode (Last Week #9)
Okay, I officially hate Twilight even more now. Who in the fuck optioned a video game for this shit?! The rumors better be false, goddamnit! Oh, Paramore moves up a spot this week. I am just so pissed off right now.
7. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (Last Week #4)
I almost have “Freeway” down for karaoke! “I’m Coming” isn’t going as swimmingly but damn it is hard to learn for someone that speak little to know Korean. This week, Bi falls once again. Time for a new video, guy.
6. UVERworld – Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi (Last Week #6)
The World stands pat at number six this week as they look to have stalled once again. Maybe a new album will help that out a tad…
5. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #7)
Ikimonogakari is back near the top! After a short break they move up two spots this week and back into the Top Five. The competition gets hellish from here on out, though. Can they hang?
4. Halcali – LONG KISS GOODBYE (Last Week #5)
Halcali moves up one spot this week as they inch closer to their first number one video in over two years! It has been a long ass time since “Tip Tip Taps” but this song and video are up there. My have they grown up…sunrise, sunset! We are down to three!
3. YUI – I’ll Be (Last Week #3)
YUI stands pat at number three this week as she watches a knockdown drag out fight for the top spot! Could she be faltering? Or just biding her time? We will have to see next week because for the third time ever….we have a tie for the throne!
1.T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (Last Week #1, Five Weeks at #1)
T.I. and Rihanna spend their FIFTH WEEK at number one and all I can say is that they are really fighting Bennie K for the video of the year crown. They have been on the Countdown longer with this video and are looking for more! Problem is, they split the crown this week…
1. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
With the new Queen of K-Pop! BoA FINALLY takes the number one spot after a long run to the top! Okay, this song has officially grown on me and I can get past the “engrish” enough to enjoy a great dance track. Welcome to the top, baby!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if T.I. and BoA can break the tie! Or will Yui take the top after their exhausting brawl for number one? Or can Halcali kiss everyone goodbye and take over the Countdown throne? Tune in next Friday to find out!
Well, it is happy hour and then (probably) karaoke on the Friday before Christmas! I will be back on Sunday with the Chachi Music Awards Nominee Special so stay tuned! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s start with the videos no longer with us in Falling Out:
Hearts Grow – Sora (Peaked at #1 for Three Weeks)
Hearts Grow had one of the best runs of 2008. Let’s hope an album comes soon! Now let’s start with arguably the artist with the biggest YEAR!
20. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #17)
The King of the South falls three spots this week as we begin the Countdown! It has been a dominant year so far, beginning in the Top Three and maybe ending at number one? Stay tuned!
19. Kanye West – Heartless (New Entry)
The other main contender for Artist of the Year has yet ANOTHER video debut on the Countdown! I am liking this song more and more as I hear it and the video (Albeit animated) has grown on me as well. Welcome back, Ye!
18. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #15)
It looks like it is over for HAMC as their last video as a group for now looks to be spending its last week on the chart. We will remember…the good times…talk among yourself, I need air!
17. Joe Inoue – Closer (Last Week #20)
Okay, I am back and better now. Because Joe Inoue is moving on up! This video has a whole Gorillaz feel to it which is definitely a good thing.
16. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #13, One Week at #1)
Yeah…I need me some more Wonder Girls. Prepare the party van and call Chris Hansen because I need to take a seat over there because of them! BALDERDASH!
15. David Cook – Light On (Last Week #18)
David Cook is slowly moving up the Countdown this week. Kind of like another American Idol winner by the name of Daughtry. It took him almost two months to make it to the top which bodes well for Mr. Cook.
14. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #10, Two Weeks at #1)
More Kanye! Okay, I actually LIKE “808 and Heartbreaks” so either I am in the minority or hip hoppers are in the closet about this album. Much like Kanye is firmly in the closet. I AM KIDDING!
13. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #14)
RSP moves up only one spot this week. However, I AM SO LEARNING THE WORDS TO THIS SONG! Karaoke…I think I am ready to break it out.
12. Young Jeezy – Crazy World (Last Week #11)
Jeezy has a new video out soon! Which is good because this one falls a spot this week just short of the Top 10.
11. Aqua Timez - Velonica (Last Week # 16, Biggest Mover)
So…can we officially say that Aqua Timez is back? Just checking. They move up a big five spots this week as we now know that they can make a Bleach theme like no one else. Including the movie, isn’t this three?
10. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #8)
We are in the Top 10 as we begin with Kumi Koda! My baby boo falls two spots this week but I still have a soft spot for her. Just not in my pants. AH-OOOHHH-GA!
9. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #12)
Wow, Nana Mizuki move up three spots and into the Top 10 for the first time ever! It has been a pretty slow year for first timers on the Countdown this year but Nana is looking to follow ANOTHER NaNa that made a splash in 2007!
8. Paramore – Decode (Last Week #9)
Okay, I officially hate Twilight even more now. Who in the fuck optioned a video game for this shit?! The rumors better be false, goddamnit! Oh, Paramore moves up a spot this week. I am just so pissed off right now.
7. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (Last Week #4)
I almost have “Freeway” down for karaoke! “I’m Coming” isn’t going as swimmingly but damn it is hard to learn for someone that speak little to know Korean. This week, Bi falls once again. Time for a new video, guy.
6. UVERworld – Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi (Last Week #6)
The World stands pat at number six this week as they look to have stalled once again. Maybe a new album will help that out a tad…
5. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #7)
Ikimonogakari is back near the top! After a short break they move up two spots this week and back into the Top Five. The competition gets hellish from here on out, though. Can they hang?
4. Halcali – LONG KISS GOODBYE (Last Week #5)
Halcali moves up one spot this week as they inch closer to their first number one video in over two years! It has been a long ass time since “Tip Tip Taps” but this song and video are up there. My have they grown up…sunrise, sunset! We are down to three!
3. YUI – I’ll Be (Last Week #3)
YUI stands pat at number three this week as she watches a knockdown drag out fight for the top spot! Could she be faltering? Or just biding her time? We will have to see next week because for the third time ever….we have a tie for the throne!
1.T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (Last Week #1, Five Weeks at #1)
T.I. and Rihanna spend their FIFTH WEEK at number one and all I can say is that they are really fighting Bennie K for the video of the year crown. They have been on the Countdown longer with this video and are looking for more! Problem is, they split the crown this week…
1. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
With the new Queen of K-Pop! BoA FINALLY takes the number one spot after a long run to the top! Okay, this song has officially grown on me and I can get past the “engrish” enough to enjoy a great dance track. Welcome to the top, baby!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if T.I. and BoA can break the tie! Or will Yui take the top after their exhausting brawl for number one? Or can Halcali kiss everyone goodbye and take over the Countdown throne? Tune in next Friday to find out!
Well, it is happy hour and then (probably) karaoke on the Friday before Christmas! I will be back on Sunday with the Chachi Music Awards Nominee Special so stay tuned! Until then, stay up peeps!
Chachi Out
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Deja Vu? You Damn Right.
Kicking it old school for a day again...although I could have wrote this about LAST Friday but still. Times don't change in Colorado Springs. It's like fucking Groundhog's Day in this bitch.
Okay, I have had e-fucking-nough. It is time for me to lay down the fucking law to you fuckers. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKING CITY. Not just this city, the entire country but I have to handle one issue at a time. The idiots, bros, whores and fucktards have ran this city long enough and now they need to be told what is wrong and shot in the fucking balls so they can’t reproduce. I am FINISHED PLAYING. Niggas get slapped for breathing from this day forward.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in excess is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the nerve that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes! Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Countdown tomorrow and the Chachi Music Awards nominees on Sunday night. See you there!
Chachi Out.
Okay, I have had e-fucking-nough. It is time for me to lay down the fucking law to you fuckers. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKING CITY. Not just this city, the entire country but I have to handle one issue at a time. The idiots, bros, whores and fucktards have ran this city long enough and now they need to be told what is wrong and shot in the fucking balls so they can’t reproduce. I am FINISHED PLAYING. Niggas get slapped for breathing from this day forward.
Law #1: Being Sexually Vindicated Is NOT Being A Whore.
It seems that women have this confused. I used to sit back and think that this was just bitterness from not getting any (which partially it is, I admit) but there is a thin line between vindication and exploitation. Having multiple sexual partners is okay (I figure) if you are doing it for pleasure. But lates face it: anything in excess is an addiction. If you do anything you can to quench that addiction, you are a FUCKING WHORE! Whether it is smoking, eating, drugs or fucking random people. So with that being said to have sex for the sheer enjoyment makes you a junkie. They aren’t called “narcotically vindicated” when they smoke crack because they want to. They are called CRACK WHORES! Now lets gear this back to simpler terms: when you pull the emotional aspect out of sex and just do it because “it feels good” or “I am getting what I want” what makes you any better than a person addicted to meth? Nothing because both end up being headcases. Name one whore that doesn’t have daddy issues or mommy issues that resulted in something from their daddy. The answer is none. So congratulations, people. If you fuck for fun you are nothing more than a crack whore: dead inside and sucking dick for Coke. Or in a woman’s case, a rum and coke. BURN!
Law #2: If You Go To A MARTINI BAR, You Drink A MOTHER FUCKING MARTINI!
I don’t know why, but this really pisses me the fuck off. I think it is the nerve that people in the Springs have when they walk into a martini bar (and not even a really GOOD one) and don’t see skanky 22 year olds (or skankier 42 year olds) shaking it to some Akon song. Let me explain something to you brain-dead, Jack Johnson loving, keg standing retards: there are places where you don’t fucking belong. If you can’t handle vermouth in your vodka or some brandy then a martini bar isn’t for you. Get….the fuck….OUT. Don’t complain, you knew what it was because MARTINI IS IN THE FUCKING NAME! Oh, and don’t order a fucking beer. That is what bars are for: rednecks and skanks. Be merry and get your piss flavored Coors at the Dublin House or something. Then bro out later on, I don’t care but don’t come into a place in a huff and fuck up my good time because you can’t hold a martini glass when you are drunk off Bud Light and the Captain. I hope you die of alcohol poisoning you inbred fuck.
Law #3: Cover It Up!
Now this is one that really….really needs to stop. Like last year. Women something needs to be explained to you. Your body is a temple. If it is as BIG as a fucking temple….I don’t want to see it. Now as a big dude this hurts me to say because I try to stick up for my big-boned people. I cannot stand up for you if you have your gut hanging out of your jeans like a kid that shoved too much ice cream on a fucking ice cream cone. I understand that every woman believes they are beautiful in their own way. Now I am sure you are beautiful on the inside (I know, I’ve been inside. Their houses so I can go through their belongings and find out where they work) but that does not give you a reason to wear shit you shouldn’t. As a big man, I try to dress as well as I can within budgetary reasons and I for the most part keep my ample body covered THE FUCK UP JUST FINE! Why can’t women cover up the same when they know damn well people don’t need to see all that? Now I know everyone one loves curves, but if you are round you need to lock it down. Some women out tonight looked like Charles Barkley in fucking skirts and heels! Which brings me to my next point: just because you are hot doesn’t mean you don’t have to abide by those rules. Now I have forever lived by the statement that “when you are hot, anything goes” but the hot took way too much advantage of that so like niggas and guns this shit has to be curbed right now. Now, let’s use some logic here.
· When niggas get spinning rims, they want people to look at their wheels.
· When rednecks get huge ass tires, they want you to look at the height of their truck
· When Mexicans get hydros, they want you to watch their car bounce
· When women wear tight clothes, they want people to look at what they have on and aren’t covering
IT IS THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Even if it ISNT what you want, it is what is going to happen because dressing like you are trying out for the new She-Ra movie isn’t the damn norm. When things aren’t the norm that gather attention. If you don’t want attention, don’t dress like that. I see nowhere in the constitution about “Freedom To Dress Like A Stripper But Not Be Considered One” as one of the uninaliable rights we have. There is no reason to dress like that because if it aint for attention is sure as hell aint for comfort because all you do is bitch about how your feet hurt and your skirt rides up. Guess what? You are doing it for attention so quit lying and quit bitching. You can’t choose the attention you get so you can either fight social norms (Good luck with that shit. I have been fighting the Black thing for years) or put on some fucking clothes. It’s winter time and flu season so you do the math, bitch. Shut the FUCK UP or accept the stares.
Law #4: White People Are Fucktards, Black People Are Dipshits. Deal With It.
Now I am against Jim Crow and all of that bullshit. But the time comes when you just have to accept that people are just…different. Jews and Muslims don’t go to the same clubs and dance the Achy Breaky. So why are Blacks and Whites forced to go to the same club?! Separate but equal! Maybe it’s because niggas can’t calm down for two fucking seconds to not shoot up EVERY CLUB that plays hip hop because someone disagreed with your stance on the geopolitical situation in Darfur. I’m kidding; niggas don’t read the newspaper. Yet, clubs downtown do their best to make sure that Blacks don’t come into their clubs. From changing the dress code to changing the music to shitty techno (WHO THE FUCK LISTENS TO THAT SHIT?! It works at raves because we were too fucking high to care!), clubs take small measures to keep out the unsavory sector. Yet, that is the complete OPPOSITE of what they should be doing! There is one thing that niggas have that white people don’t it is disposable income. You’ve seen the videos, they make it rain on hoes! Why? Because niggas don’t pay bills. This of it like this: Clubs always have “Ladies Night” which means that women drink and get in free. Men not only have to pay but usually pay more than the usual night. That is a bad move because if there is one thing niggas love to do, it is buy dranks. Bitches love that shit, just like smileys. Losing money right there.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the dress code. The whole big ass t-shirt and Timbs look went out in 1993 but I guess that shit is back like cooked crack because that’s all Black dudes wear. At the same time, how come bros can dress like they just woke the fuck up? I mean if I had to gauge the two, at least niggas put work into looking like fashion misfits. BROS DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY. Yet they are considered fashionable. I guess that makes sense from a country that made Fergie a two time Grammy Award winner. That alone disgusts me because that bitch has two Grammys which is more than Run-DMC if I am not mistaken. The simple fact is that all people suck and to eliminate the stupid would require a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of bullets.
Well, I am just about fed up with this shit. Eh, guess it is what it is until you just wish Flanders was dead. Yet I am they crazy one because I don’t think insanity (in terms of logic, not crazy but if the show fits) should be the norm. The Tick says it best:
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
Sad. The most logical thing ever said was coined by an animated, invincible blue superhero named after a bug with eight legs when he obviously had two. Oh, and he may have been functionally retarded. That would make him good enough to President here. I am so going to fucking bed now; ye all abandon hope as the ship head toward a briny deep. Shit, I wonder how many people will even understand the nautical/pirate reference. Morons.
Countdown tomorrow and the Chachi Music Awards nominees on Sunday night. See you there!
Chachi Out.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I Dont NEED No Instructions To Know How To Blog!
Okay, a few things about life today…
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Thought #1: Women Love Free Stuff
Seriously. Have you seen them in the club? The main reason I would say 70% of them go (And you know who you are) is to get free drinks from Tha Drinkman. Then you get pissed because he follows you around. You know the old adage: if he buys you a drink and you drink it up, you going home with him! Now all the fellas sing it! Oy, I have quoted Jermaine Dupri twice in one calendar year. This HAS been a bad 365 days. Anyway, everyone loves free stuff but man a woman is all about not having to pay for something…unless she thinks she has to give up something in return. Which is odd, because strippers make a very good living that way. Yet all women hate strippers which is just jealousy but that is neither here nor there.
Thought #2: I REALLY Don’t Like Beyonce
Nothing new to this. I really just think that she has proven you can take marginal talent and a lot of beauty to the top of the charts and in the heart of stupid bitches. She is to dumb bitches what R. Kelly was to niggas. Minus the whole peeing thing I guess. Haven’t heard of any watersports on her resume. However, I do love the ironic duality of “Single ladies” and “If I Were A Boy” to which when I pointed it out today at Virgin Megastore (I guess it’s a “megastore” but it looks like a fucking Media Play to me) I was met with the response of “no it doesn’t!” by some girl in line to which I asked if she knew what irony means to which she kind of got pissed. Yes, I know it was uncalled for but if you can’t see the douchery of two-faced actions well I have a shitload of Republican House and Senate seats to sell you. Wait, I mean a Democratic Senate seat. OH SNAP, TWO BURNS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!
Thought #3: Do People Really Even CARE About Their Kids?
Last weekend I went Christmas shopping for a bit and took some time looking for a gift for a friend of mine that took me to the book section. Now you all know I think reading is for losers in academia and in life but I digress. So while I was looking at books, a kid (nine year old) just started talking to me out of nowhere about how much she hated “Twilight.” Now I am not sure of the age range of the dumb ass book and/or movie but anyone who hates Twinkle (Trust me, it fits) is a friend of mine. All of a sudden, we struck up a conversation for a good while. Until I realized something:
SHOULDN’T THIS KID HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION?!
It kind of weirded me out for a second because I didn’t want people thinking I was dating a young white girl (Young Asian girl…maybe. In Japan, I would be seen as dating a MILF if she was 17! What a country!) and at the same time was very worried because it is Christmastime and the bookstore was PACKED meaning anyone could snatch this kid. I went to the coffee area and hung out there (Wide open area and all) and she told me her mother went Christmas shopping about two hours ago and told her to “not get into trouble” to which I responded “did she give you a Pokeball and compass, too? That sounds dangerous!” to which she responded “yeah, I know.” I found this a tad bit disheartening because she was fully aware her mother was doing a shabby job like…protecting her safety and all. About twenty minutes later her mother came with a shitload of bags and whisked her off but not before asking her…and I quote here….”Who is your new friend?”
BITCH, I AM A GROWN ASS MAN!
I mean as normal as it sounds for a 28 year old and a nine year old to drink juice at a coffee shop and talk about Bleach I have to say that outside of an anime convention or the lobby of a Chris Hansen sting that kind of thing isn’t status quo. She seemed like a nice enough lady and she had her two youngest children (I guess they were hers) with her but still. Maybe I was looking at this wrong but something about that just says really not safe. There are REAL Loli Hunters out there, and they aren’t all cute and cuddly:
PEDO BEAR LIVES! In the heart of every child…and it he has his way INSIDE every child if you get my drift. BOO-YAH! Well, I am out for now. Probably something quick tomorrow and then here is to Caturday! Anyone down for some Caturday fun and festivities (Mostly we just light up the nip. CATNIP, MOFO! WE’S GETTING HIGH!) join the party van! I am out for now.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Random Thoughts!
Thought #1: Women Love Free Stuff
Seriously. Have you seen them in the club? The main reason I would say 70% of them go (And you know who you are) is to get free drinks from Tha Drinkman. Then you get pissed because he follows you around. You know the old adage: if he buys you a drink and you drink it up, you going home with him! Now all the fellas sing it! Oy, I have quoted Jermaine Dupri twice in one calendar year. This HAS been a bad 365 days. Anyway, everyone loves free stuff but man a woman is all about not having to pay for something…unless she thinks she has to give up something in return. Which is odd, because strippers make a very good living that way. Yet all women hate strippers which is just jealousy but that is neither here nor there.
Thought #2: I REALLY Don’t Like Beyonce
Nothing new to this. I really just think that she has proven you can take marginal talent and a lot of beauty to the top of the charts and in the heart of stupid bitches. She is to dumb bitches what R. Kelly was to niggas. Minus the whole peeing thing I guess. Haven’t heard of any watersports on her resume. However, I do love the ironic duality of “Single ladies” and “If I Were A Boy” to which when I pointed it out today at Virgin Megastore (I guess it’s a “megastore” but it looks like a fucking Media Play to me) I was met with the response of “no it doesn’t!” by some girl in line to which I asked if she knew what irony means to which she kind of got pissed. Yes, I know it was uncalled for but if you can’t see the douchery of two-faced actions well I have a shitload of Republican House and Senate seats to sell you. Wait, I mean a Democratic Senate seat. OH SNAP, TWO BURNS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!
Thought #3: Do People Really Even CARE About Their Kids?
Last weekend I went Christmas shopping for a bit and took some time looking for a gift for a friend of mine that took me to the book section. Now you all know I think reading is for losers in academia and in life but I digress. So while I was looking at books, a kid (nine year old) just started talking to me out of nowhere about how much she hated “Twilight.” Now I am not sure of the age range of the dumb ass book and/or movie but anyone who hates Twinkle (Trust me, it fits) is a friend of mine. All of a sudden, we struck up a conversation for a good while. Until I realized something:
SHOULDN’T THIS KID HAVE PARENTAL SUPERVISION?!
It kind of weirded me out for a second because I didn’t want people thinking I was dating a young white girl (Young Asian girl…maybe. In Japan, I would be seen as dating a MILF if she was 17! What a country!) and at the same time was very worried because it is Christmastime and the bookstore was PACKED meaning anyone could snatch this kid. I went to the coffee area and hung out there (Wide open area and all) and she told me her mother went Christmas shopping about two hours ago and told her to “not get into trouble” to which I responded “did she give you a Pokeball and compass, too? That sounds dangerous!” to which she responded “yeah, I know.” I found this a tad bit disheartening because she was fully aware her mother was doing a shabby job like…protecting her safety and all. About twenty minutes later her mother came with a shitload of bags and whisked her off but not before asking her…and I quote here….”Who is your new friend?”
BITCH, I AM A GROWN ASS MAN!
I mean as normal as it sounds for a 28 year old and a nine year old to drink juice at a coffee shop and talk about Bleach I have to say that outside of an anime convention or the lobby of a Chris Hansen sting that kind of thing isn’t status quo. She seemed like a nice enough lady and she had her two youngest children (I guess they were hers) with her but still. Maybe I was looking at this wrong but something about that just says really not safe. There are REAL Loli Hunters out there, and they aren’t all cute and cuddly:
PEDO BEAR LIVES! In the heart of every child…and it he has his way INSIDE every child if you get my drift. BOO-YAH! Well, I am out for now. Probably something quick tomorrow and then here is to Caturday! Anyone down for some Caturday fun and festivities (Mostly we just light up the nip. CATNIP, MOFO! WE’S GETTING HIGH!) join the party van! I am out for now.
Chachi Out
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Quid Por Blow: Because Whenever A Man Does Anything For You...He Wants A Blowjob.
It's time for a little bit of the Classic action! I will be back up on Wednesday for something quick (Full rant and the Chachi Awards this weekend. I PROMISE!) but until then, here is a rant from March of 2007. Anyone that wants to know what brought this post on, just ask. I will tell you the story over a drink or two. Enjoy:
Chachi Line News Reports!
What Ever Happened to Chivalry?
Chivalry. Everyone knows what the word is, but what exactly does it mean? Most importantly, why is it so vilified? The reason I ask is simple. As one whose momma didn’t play no games (well she did, it was called ‘Smack A Fool For Living’) she taught me several things about women in my life:
- Everyone deserves a good ass-kicking. You just should NEVER hit a woman.
- Treat a woman like a woman whether she is with you or not.
- Those dogs can smell drugs. So you gotta kick them in the nose! (Not about women per se, but this has came in handy a few times)
- Be a gentleman, but don’t let a woman take advantage of you.
She told me some other stuff, but it was odds are while I was in a Sharpshooter and was blinded by pain. Long story short, my mom taught me be respectful, but to not be taken advantage of. Now I am an asshole and a pushover. Wow….that girl was right, I really don’t listen.
Anyway, back to the point. Yesterday I opened the door for a friend of mine and she said ‘You don’t have to open the door for me’ to which I replied ‘Yes, I do.’ After a lengthy (and partial listened to because Maximum the Hormone was on my deck and they are the mad notes) I asked why do women always get rather defensive about any act of a man just doing what is fucking normal? Then she said something that really put it all down. Something I didn’t want to accept because I couldn’t believe we had become such a sucky ass society:
“It’s the exception, that’s all”
Wow. Since when did doing what you were supposed to do become the exception and not the norm? It reminds me of the Chris Rock comments about fathers that raise their children. It is your JOB to take care of your fucking kids, you don’t deserve kudos. I don’t care if it isn’t the norm; it is what you are supposed to do. I think that as a man, you are supposed to open a door or pull a chair out for a woman. I don’t want a fucking cookie and I don’t necessarily need a thank you for it. Oh, and if you are a woman and you think that a man that shows you any form of kindness automatically wants to fuck you then you are a whore and listen to too many comics and worthless fucks that have no concept of being a gentleman. More on that later. Oh I am SO going back to that shit.
So why is chivalry all but dead? Well, it is a two way street of both women being raised stupid and men just being BORN stupid. A simple breakdown of what I have learned over the last 26 years of my life about women, men and the dynamic between the two leads me to believe that these are some (not all, but the major) reasons of the end of chivalry as we know it:
1) Men Aren’t Taught How To Be (Normal) Men
Okay, I am really getting sick of this shit right here. I know that men are supposed to be sex-crazed, sports-obsessed, disgusting forces of nature that are expected to command and conquer all they see. Well guess what? Last I checked, evolution happens (fuck intelligent design because men aint intelligent and the design leaves a lot to be desired) and really should have taken massive steps past clubbing women and taking them to the cave to make babies. Being a man aint about fucking, fighting and farting. It is protecting, providing and procuring knowledge to pass on. If all you can teach your kid is how to get a woman drunk enough to fuck you and the intricacies of a 46 defense (which truthfully is very effective with the right personnel) then congratulations. You are a leading force in the Dumbening of America. It’s people like you why kids are having sex in class and can’t find Oklahoma on a map of the United States. Way to help the gender, you ass.
2) Women Aren’t Taught How To Be Women
Yeah, I so went there. Women were at a crossroads in 1998 like Blacks were at a crossroads in the mid-1970’s. Instead of attempting to, I don’t know USE the rights that women fought for in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s you by attempting to create a better image and lifestyle for the next generation of women to lead you instead chose to get back tattoos, embrace your inner whore and forget that with power comes responsibility. I understand that women have every right to be defensive because a lot of men out their were raised (or grew up) stupid. However, and it pains me to say this, if you think the worst of people, all you will get is the worst out of life. I always say that I have given up on people and that people suck. I don’t honestly believe that because if I did I wouldn’t have met Rick, Zach, Kandi, Jen, D’Ann and most importantly Griff. Hell, people tried to get us to FIGHT on his first day and we hashed that out. Thinking the worst of men is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (and boy do I know about that) so if you think that all men aint shit, that’s all you will get because that is what you expect to get and it is WHAT YOU WILL GET. It’s not rocket science, its Communications.
3) Not EVERY Man Is Trying To Screw You
Now this goes against everything any woman has ever heard. Every comedian says it and every man says it because…well men are fucking stupid and for the most part lack originality. Men may invent the majority of the technological advances but actually thinking for ones self died with the rhetors of old. Nick and I had this discussion in great detail every fricking Friday and we just never got it. It is ingrained in every female at some point that all every man wants to do is fuck them Which can be seen as true. However, I hate to burst your bubble ladies but the chalice isn’t as much as a commodity as it used to be. If the vagina was currency, it would be the Euro. Sure, some of the lesser, crappier and swarthier countries use it, but REAL countries only take it when the time is right (i.e. when you are tourist dumb enough to change all your dollars into it). See, I am the King of Metaphors. Seriously, any woman that thinks that has a real low opinion of themselves that they believe that no man is interested in them enough to think that they are nothing more than a glory hole with a face. First off, you can never say all because if there is an exception then it becomes the rule and “all” is no longer a feasible option as one difference eliminates total uniformity in your logic. You can say “most” but even still that is a reach.
I think the real statement is “All men that YOU have dealt with have wanted to fuck you.” At that point it is soul searching time. I for example felt that all women were succubi in college. Then I realized it was the women that I dealt with that emotionally drained and mentally wrecked me to the point that I felt that I was un-dateable. By making me feel that way, it got to the point that when a female DID want to date me (like once every Olympic year or so, give or take a Goodyear Games year) I convinced myself that she didn’t. Sad, but true. I realized that was a stupid way to live (after a come to Jesus meeting my senior year with a female friend of mine that pretty much said stop being a punk ass trick and go for it. Funny story, I’ll tell you about it in a one off if you want to hear about it) and got over that. Now I am just bitter for humor reasons and to teach the young. I’m like a bitter Yoda.
Back to the original point. The simple fact is that a slight majority (from what I have noticed from my friends it’s about 60-65%) of women believe that when a man is nice to you, he is trying to get something from you. Well ladies, here is the sad truth. If a man REALLY wanted to “get” you, he would by any means necessary. That is a sad and scary statement but face it. It’s true. School violence is a reality, terrorism is a reality and men what will “dope and grope” is a reality. Be smart, ladies. Get a sippy cup. No spill AND you can get spiffy designs! Besides, any man that is willing to “drug and rub” will odds are not pull out your chair, open your door or pay for your dinner, even if you aren’t dating. Most pervert assholes are also cheap. Can I get an amen from Rick and the congregation about the Lazy Negro Theory?! It is an easy way to weed out the pricks from the gentlemen.
4) It Is Just The Right Thing To Do (IMHO)
You know what? Ignorance is spreading at an alarming rate. When someone is stupid (grinds on you at the club, buy you a drink that you didn’t see poured, is completely vulgar and disrespectful) to a woman in the club, usually she does nothing to stop it because it is expected. Yet, any act of normalcy (saying excuse me, standing to shake hands when someone comes to the table, no interrupting a conversation) is met with a weird look. Since when what doing the right thing seen as the wrong thing? I’m sorry, I open fucking doors. I’m a renegade male, it is how I do things. When a woman and go to lunch or dinner, I pay. It’s not a status thing (Ask Visa cause them fuckers aint NEVER getting paid) because I am poor and it is not because I am expecting some. It is because it is the right thing to do. As a woman, if you feel that because a man buys you a cookie that he is expecting some nookie you have no respect for yourself and you have no respect for him. Some men don’t deserve the respect and I will admit that. Hell, I know some of them. Some of us live with some of them. Some of you ladies DATED SOME OF THEM FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME. You know who you are. In the end, as geeky as it sounds love (if you believe in it) is like a computer program. Garbage in, garbage out. If you go at it half-assed, you get a half-assed result. Same with chivalry. If you do what you should, nothing can come out of it but good. You got that right, turkey! Anyone notice that Blaster from Transformers and Roadblock from GI Joe were the same guy. And spoke in rhyme? Now THAT’S RACIST.
5) No One Knows What To Do.
Okay, this is no ones fault really. Most men don’t KNOW to open doors for women because they have never been taught. Most women don’t KNOW to take a jacket of a date or put one on (I was TOTALLY shocked when that happened on Friday, I will admit) is proper etiquette. In the end….no one really knows what to do.
In closing, I’m not saying America should be like LARPing with the whole ‘milady’ and ‘milord’ bullshit. However, some things are just courteous and chivalry is one of them. It isn’t about being manly or ladylike; it is about being a fucking nice person. It bugs me that being an asshole is the norm for men, and women allow it. (Edit: It also pisses me off how women are expected to be irrational and "emotional" which is bitch-speak for "illogical" with no reprocussion. That is just my opinion). Now ladies I am not saying to always expect a man to open your doors or pay for your meals. That’s disrespectful and how you get hit with a Muscle Buster, Samoa Joe style. A little kindness and courtesy goes a long way, in my opinion. I’m just saying. Aaaaaand that is my rant.
Alright, ya'll. I will post more old school stuff from time to time and may just redo one to save some sleeptime and my fucking sanity. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out
Chachi Line News Reports!
What Ever Happened to Chivalry?
Chivalry. Everyone knows what the word is, but what exactly does it mean? Most importantly, why is it so vilified? The reason I ask is simple. As one whose momma didn’t play no games (well she did, it was called ‘Smack A Fool For Living’) she taught me several things about women in my life:
- Everyone deserves a good ass-kicking. You just should NEVER hit a woman.
- Treat a woman like a woman whether she is with you or not.
- Those dogs can smell drugs. So you gotta kick them in the nose! (Not about women per se, but this has came in handy a few times)
- Be a gentleman, but don’t let a woman take advantage of you.
She told me some other stuff, but it was odds are while I was in a Sharpshooter and was blinded by pain. Long story short, my mom taught me be respectful, but to not be taken advantage of. Now I am an asshole and a pushover. Wow….that girl was right, I really don’t listen.
Anyway, back to the point. Yesterday I opened the door for a friend of mine and she said ‘You don’t have to open the door for me’ to which I replied ‘Yes, I do.’ After a lengthy (and partial listened to because Maximum the Hormone was on my deck and they are the mad notes) I asked why do women always get rather defensive about any act of a man just doing what is fucking normal? Then she said something that really put it all down. Something I didn’t want to accept because I couldn’t believe we had become such a sucky ass society:
“It’s the exception, that’s all”
Wow. Since when did doing what you were supposed to do become the exception and not the norm? It reminds me of the Chris Rock comments about fathers that raise their children. It is your JOB to take care of your fucking kids, you don’t deserve kudos. I don’t care if it isn’t the norm; it is what you are supposed to do. I think that as a man, you are supposed to open a door or pull a chair out for a woman. I don’t want a fucking cookie and I don’t necessarily need a thank you for it. Oh, and if you are a woman and you think that a man that shows you any form of kindness automatically wants to fuck you then you are a whore and listen to too many comics and worthless fucks that have no concept of being a gentleman. More on that later. Oh I am SO going back to that shit.
So why is chivalry all but dead? Well, it is a two way street of both women being raised stupid and men just being BORN stupid. A simple breakdown of what I have learned over the last 26 years of my life about women, men and the dynamic between the two leads me to believe that these are some (not all, but the major) reasons of the end of chivalry as we know it:
1) Men Aren’t Taught How To Be (Normal) Men
Okay, I am really getting sick of this shit right here. I know that men are supposed to be sex-crazed, sports-obsessed, disgusting forces of nature that are expected to command and conquer all they see. Well guess what? Last I checked, evolution happens (fuck intelligent design because men aint intelligent and the design leaves a lot to be desired) and really should have taken massive steps past clubbing women and taking them to the cave to make babies. Being a man aint about fucking, fighting and farting. It is protecting, providing and procuring knowledge to pass on. If all you can teach your kid is how to get a woman drunk enough to fuck you and the intricacies of a 46 defense (which truthfully is very effective with the right personnel) then congratulations. You are a leading force in the Dumbening of America. It’s people like you why kids are having sex in class and can’t find Oklahoma on a map of the United States. Way to help the gender, you ass.
2) Women Aren’t Taught How To Be Women
Yeah, I so went there. Women were at a crossroads in 1998 like Blacks were at a crossroads in the mid-1970’s. Instead of attempting to, I don’t know USE the rights that women fought for in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s you by attempting to create a better image and lifestyle for the next generation of women to lead you instead chose to get back tattoos, embrace your inner whore and forget that with power comes responsibility. I understand that women have every right to be defensive because a lot of men out their were raised (or grew up) stupid. However, and it pains me to say this, if you think the worst of people, all you will get is the worst out of life. I always say that I have given up on people and that people suck. I don’t honestly believe that because if I did I wouldn’t have met Rick, Zach, Kandi, Jen, D’Ann and most importantly Griff. Hell, people tried to get us to FIGHT on his first day and we hashed that out. Thinking the worst of men is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (and boy do I know about that) so if you think that all men aint shit, that’s all you will get because that is what you expect to get and it is WHAT YOU WILL GET. It’s not rocket science, its Communications.
3) Not EVERY Man Is Trying To Screw You
Now this goes against everything any woman has ever heard. Every comedian says it and every man says it because…well men are fucking stupid and for the most part lack originality. Men may invent the majority of the technological advances but actually thinking for ones self died with the rhetors of old. Nick and I had this discussion in great detail every fricking Friday and we just never got it. It is ingrained in every female at some point that all every man wants to do is fuck them Which can be seen as true. However, I hate to burst your bubble ladies but the chalice isn’t as much as a commodity as it used to be. If the vagina was currency, it would be the Euro. Sure, some of the lesser, crappier and swarthier countries use it, but REAL countries only take it when the time is right (i.e. when you are tourist dumb enough to change all your dollars into it). See, I am the King of Metaphors. Seriously, any woman that thinks that has a real low opinion of themselves that they believe that no man is interested in them enough to think that they are nothing more than a glory hole with a face. First off, you can never say all because if there is an exception then it becomes the rule and “all” is no longer a feasible option as one difference eliminates total uniformity in your logic. You can say “most” but even still that is a reach.
I think the real statement is “All men that YOU have dealt with have wanted to fuck you.” At that point it is soul searching time. I for example felt that all women were succubi in college. Then I realized it was the women that I dealt with that emotionally drained and mentally wrecked me to the point that I felt that I was un-dateable. By making me feel that way, it got to the point that when a female DID want to date me (like once every Olympic year or so, give or take a Goodyear Games year) I convinced myself that she didn’t. Sad, but true. I realized that was a stupid way to live (after a come to Jesus meeting my senior year with a female friend of mine that pretty much said stop being a punk ass trick and go for it. Funny story, I’ll tell you about it in a one off if you want to hear about it) and got over that. Now I am just bitter for humor reasons and to teach the young. I’m like a bitter Yoda.
Back to the original point. The simple fact is that a slight majority (from what I have noticed from my friends it’s about 60-65%) of women believe that when a man is nice to you, he is trying to get something from you. Well ladies, here is the sad truth. If a man REALLY wanted to “get” you, he would by any means necessary. That is a sad and scary statement but face it. It’s true. School violence is a reality, terrorism is a reality and men what will “dope and grope” is a reality. Be smart, ladies. Get a sippy cup. No spill AND you can get spiffy designs! Besides, any man that is willing to “drug and rub” will odds are not pull out your chair, open your door or pay for your dinner, even if you aren’t dating. Most pervert assholes are also cheap. Can I get an amen from Rick and the congregation about the Lazy Negro Theory?! It is an easy way to weed out the pricks from the gentlemen.
4) It Is Just The Right Thing To Do (IMHO)
You know what? Ignorance is spreading at an alarming rate. When someone is stupid (grinds on you at the club, buy you a drink that you didn’t see poured, is completely vulgar and disrespectful) to a woman in the club, usually she does nothing to stop it because it is expected. Yet, any act of normalcy (saying excuse me, standing to shake hands when someone comes to the table, no interrupting a conversation) is met with a weird look. Since when what doing the right thing seen as the wrong thing? I’m sorry, I open fucking doors. I’m a renegade male, it is how I do things. When a woman and go to lunch or dinner, I pay. It’s not a status thing (Ask Visa cause them fuckers aint NEVER getting paid) because I am poor and it is not because I am expecting some. It is because it is the right thing to do. As a woman, if you feel that because a man buys you a cookie that he is expecting some nookie you have no respect for yourself and you have no respect for him. Some men don’t deserve the respect and I will admit that. Hell, I know some of them. Some of us live with some of them. Some of you ladies DATED SOME OF THEM FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME. You know who you are. In the end, as geeky as it sounds love (if you believe in it) is like a computer program. Garbage in, garbage out. If you go at it half-assed, you get a half-assed result. Same with chivalry. If you do what you should, nothing can come out of it but good. You got that right, turkey! Anyone notice that Blaster from Transformers and Roadblock from GI Joe were the same guy. And spoke in rhyme? Now THAT’S RACIST.
5) No One Knows What To Do.
Okay, this is no ones fault really. Most men don’t KNOW to open doors for women because they have never been taught. Most women don’t KNOW to take a jacket of a date or put one on (I was TOTALLY shocked when that happened on Friday, I will admit) is proper etiquette. In the end….no one really knows what to do.
In closing, I’m not saying America should be like LARPing with the whole ‘milady’ and ‘milord’ bullshit. However, some things are just courteous and chivalry is one of them. It isn’t about being manly or ladylike; it is about being a fucking nice person. It bugs me that being an asshole is the norm for men, and women allow it. (Edit: It also pisses me off how women are expected to be irrational and "emotional" which is bitch-speak for "illogical" with no reprocussion. That is just my opinion). Now ladies I am not saying to always expect a man to open your doors or pay for your meals. That’s disrespectful and how you get hit with a Muscle Buster, Samoa Joe style. A little kindness and courtesy goes a long way, in my opinion. I’m just saying. Aaaaaand that is my rant.
Alright, ya'll. I will post more old school stuff from time to time and may just redo one to save some sleeptime and my fucking sanity. Until next time, stay up.
Chachi Out
Monday, December 15, 2008
Colorado: The Wolven's Least Favorite State Since Mount Mutombo Left.
Okay, can somebody explain to me WHY IN THE FUCK IT IS -4 DEGREES OUTSIDE?! I HATE THIS FUCKING CITY SO FUCKING MUCH! If I am not out of here by my birthday I am going to go POMPEII ON A MOTHERUCKER. I am so seriously about that.
So back to the good stuff. I am not proud to admit it, but I have had a certain song stuck in my head. All day…and it hurts. It hurts because I totally hate this song and have since college. I remember Griff and I even having a conversation while he was at work when this song came out about how bad it was but his exact words were “Man, this song sucks but it is going to be huge.” He was right. Now I can’t get it out of my head despite not even HEARING IT ONCE IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. Damn it, there is goes again. I’m going down, down baby yo street in a Range R….SHIT FUCK TIT CUNT CASHMERE CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM ASS! Yeah, it’s THAT song:
Nelly’s “Country Grammar.” It wasn’t even any good! I mean I could tolerate “Dilemma” and “Ride Wit Me” was actually pretty damn good but the rest of his catalog sucks teh ass. Man, it is going to be rough until I get it out of my head.
No on to something more crucial. So a few months ago I sat back and said how the Zune was a good MP3 player. While it wasn’t as easy to use as the iPod, it was a lot crisper of a player. I take all of that back. The Zune can suck my fucking cock. Microsoft can swallow my BALLS because I have called support twice and had to wait on hold with them for a total of an hour and three minutes I believe. Now I should say that at least they HAD technical support because when my iPods have crapped out they have always said “Well, it sucks to be you” which I guess is fair play because I was an uber-dick sometimes at Gateway. But it seems that the Zune is just as shitty as the iPod which I stated but man, this is just fucking sad. They force you to upgrade to a new version of the software that forced me to update the firmware on the Zune that promptly made it unrecognizable by Vista to the point I HAD TO SEND IT BACK only to get new Zune with the same fucking problem. After tinkering with it, the unit now works but hell, I am not even sure if I fucked it up even more. Its times like this I miss my god damn Walkman.
Well, that is all for now. I will repost an old rant for Tuesday and will put something new up on Wednesday, but it will be kind of short. Thursday will odds are be a repeat and Friday will be the Countdown and unless it snows late I will be up in Denver for Happy Hour and then karaoke. I have downloaded the lyrics for “La La La Love Song” and “Freeway” by Rain and have been studying them and the kanji non-stop in hopes of pulling them off. Under the power of soju, all karaoke dreams in Japanese are possible. Or to a lesser extent, Rain’s “I’m Coming” in Korean which is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. But that’s the fun, mofos! If you are down to ride along let me know.
Stay warm, peeps because I am out.
Chachi Out
So back to the good stuff. I am not proud to admit it, but I have had a certain song stuck in my head. All day…and it hurts. It hurts because I totally hate this song and have since college. I remember Griff and I even having a conversation while he was at work when this song came out about how bad it was but his exact words were “Man, this song sucks but it is going to be huge.” He was right. Now I can’t get it out of my head despite not even HEARING IT ONCE IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. Damn it, there is goes again. I’m going down, down baby yo street in a Range R….SHIT FUCK TIT CUNT CASHMERE CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM ASS! Yeah, it’s THAT song:
Nelly’s “Country Grammar.” It wasn’t even any good! I mean I could tolerate “Dilemma” and “Ride Wit Me” was actually pretty damn good but the rest of his catalog sucks teh ass. Man, it is going to be rough until I get it out of my head.
No on to something more crucial. So a few months ago I sat back and said how the Zune was a good MP3 player. While it wasn’t as easy to use as the iPod, it was a lot crisper of a player. I take all of that back. The Zune can suck my fucking cock. Microsoft can swallow my BALLS because I have called support twice and had to wait on hold with them for a total of an hour and three minutes I believe. Now I should say that at least they HAD technical support because when my iPods have crapped out they have always said “Well, it sucks to be you” which I guess is fair play because I was an uber-dick sometimes at Gateway. But it seems that the Zune is just as shitty as the iPod which I stated but man, this is just fucking sad. They force you to upgrade to a new version of the software that forced me to update the firmware on the Zune that promptly made it unrecognizable by Vista to the point I HAD TO SEND IT BACK only to get new Zune with the same fucking problem. After tinkering with it, the unit now works but hell, I am not even sure if I fucked it up even more. Its times like this I miss my god damn Walkman.
Well, that is all for now. I will repost an old rant for Tuesday and will put something new up on Wednesday, but it will be kind of short. Thursday will odds are be a repeat and Friday will be the Countdown and unless it snows late I will be up in Denver for Happy Hour and then karaoke. I have downloaded the lyrics for “La La La Love Song” and “Freeway” by Rain and have been studying them and the kanji non-stop in hopes of pulling them off. Under the power of soju, all karaoke dreams in Japanese are possible. Or to a lesser extent, Rain’s “I’m Coming” in Korean which is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. But that’s the fun, mofos! If you are down to ride along let me know.
Stay warm, peeps because I am out.
Chachi Out
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Gays: Making Showtime Tolerable Since 1997
Okay…as you have noticed the Chachi Music Award Nominees ARE NOT HERE. Your eyes aren’t deciving you, I just have been way too tired this week. After a long Friday (Vesper + soju + hangin with KC = fun times, albeit tiring) and an even LONGER Saturday (3:17am...yeah, never again) and a rollercoaster of a game between the Falcons and Bucs in which I nearly had a kitten three times but the ATL finally pulled it out in OT. So long story short it was a long ass weekend and WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT as I have to go to work tomorrow. However, since the nominees are about 50% completed anyway. Actually 100%, I just need to type everything up so I may post them on Saturday after I come back from Denver Friday night. If anyone is interested hitting D-Town let me know.
Also, I have decided NOT to do the Omnibus until the end of the year for two reasons:
1. I want 10 questions and I only have five. Keep’ em coming!
2. I am taking the advice of a certain someone and going to figure out a way to put my blogs in video form. I am not really videogenic so…yeah, I’m working on that part.
But yes, everything has been pushed back which is per the norm in the holiday season. Last year it got like this because of training and travel and this year I am just exhausted as all hell. It’s life though.
One quick thing I want to talk about before I go. There seems to be an issue that is coming up between the gay community and the Black community over Prop 8 in California. I touched on this in a rant a few weeks ago but since CNN needs ratings, gays can't let go (Just like women) and Black people are just fucking stupid they are still talking about it. First off, understand this: the Black vote doesn't count. It worked for Ruben Studdard, it worked for Fantasia and it worked for that time they voted for the new flavor of Kool-Aid. Aside from that, Black people voting really doesn't accomplish much. So say what you will about the numbers that if Blacks had voted against Prop 8 in higher numbers that it wouldn't have passed. There is a simple reason why they voted the way they did. Black people are stupid. Trust me, I know Black people. They put $10,000 sets of rims on $5,000 cars. They wear Gucci print suits to proms and they wear jewelry and gaudy clothing that would make Elton John of the 70's look like a god damn Mormon. Everyone knows it and it aint in White people's place to say it but we all know...niggas fuck shit up for everyone. Especially the gays.
You see, my experience has showed me that Black people don't like the idea of gays getting the same rights as other minorites (Or most importantly THEM because theys selfish) because when it all breaks down, no one has to know you are gay. Now I understand this argument and even agree with it. However, since Black people rarely run off of LOGIC (Just like women. DAMN IT, I AM SCIENCE!) they don't understand that even when people don't KNOW you are gay, you still are and hiding who you are is even more painful in some cases than just being hated for who you are. Hell, when I hid the fact I was an anime nerd from a certian lady in college so she would date me it was even worse when she found out after she looked on my computer and found about 30 gigs of anime (the porn was on a backup, btw) on it. Now imagine that horror multiplied by a thousand. Yes, everyone knows you are Black and has the ability to oppress you up front, but no one is stopping you from the basic right of getting married or adopting kids. Whey anyone would want to do EITHER is beyond me but who am I to say they can't? Don't even get me started on the Bible. Oddly enough, doesnt the bible say that all people of color are evil? Yet, Black people still read and follow that dumb ass book? You see, niggas don't know logic. In closing, the gay community is barking up the wrong tree by being upset at Blacks about Prop 8 because sadly they don't care and don't want to understand why it was a bullshit proposition in the first place. But when you are dealing with a people that think 50 Cent has redeeming qualitied...you really are expecting too much. I am just saying.
Well, I will be back up at some point during this week for some nondescript reason. Until then, commence to jiggling!:
Damn, I have been laughing about this one for a few days now. SNL is only funny three times a year so they still have two left. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Also, I have decided NOT to do the Omnibus until the end of the year for two reasons:
1. I want 10 questions and I only have five. Keep’ em coming!
2. I am taking the advice of a certain someone and going to figure out a way to put my blogs in video form. I am not really videogenic so…yeah, I’m working on that part.
But yes, everything has been pushed back which is per the norm in the holiday season. Last year it got like this because of training and travel and this year I am just exhausted as all hell. It’s life though.
One quick thing I want to talk about before I go. There seems to be an issue that is coming up between the gay community and the Black community over Prop 8 in California. I touched on this in a rant a few weeks ago but since CNN needs ratings, gays can't let go (Just like women) and Black people are just fucking stupid they are still talking about it. First off, understand this: the Black vote doesn't count. It worked for Ruben Studdard, it worked for Fantasia and it worked for that time they voted for the new flavor of Kool-Aid. Aside from that, Black people voting really doesn't accomplish much. So say what you will about the numbers that if Blacks had voted against Prop 8 in higher numbers that it wouldn't have passed. There is a simple reason why they voted the way they did. Black people are stupid. Trust me, I know Black people. They put $10,000 sets of rims on $5,000 cars. They wear Gucci print suits to proms and they wear jewelry and gaudy clothing that would make Elton John of the 70's look like a god damn Mormon. Everyone knows it and it aint in White people's place to say it but we all know...niggas fuck shit up for everyone. Especially the gays.
You see, my experience has showed me that Black people don't like the idea of gays getting the same rights as other minorites (Or most importantly THEM because theys selfish) because when it all breaks down, no one has to know you are gay. Now I understand this argument and even agree with it. However, since Black people rarely run off of LOGIC (Just like women. DAMN IT, I AM SCIENCE!) they don't understand that even when people don't KNOW you are gay, you still are and hiding who you are is even more painful in some cases than just being hated for who you are. Hell, when I hid the fact I was an anime nerd from a certian lady in college so she would date me it was even worse when she found out after she looked on my computer and found about 30 gigs of anime (the porn was on a backup, btw) on it. Now imagine that horror multiplied by a thousand. Yes, everyone knows you are Black and has the ability to oppress you up front, but no one is stopping you from the basic right of getting married or adopting kids. Whey anyone would want to do EITHER is beyond me but who am I to say they can't? Don't even get me started on the Bible. Oddly enough, doesnt the bible say that all people of color are evil? Yet, Black people still read and follow that dumb ass book? You see, niggas don't know logic. In closing, the gay community is barking up the wrong tree by being upset at Blacks about Prop 8 because sadly they don't care and don't want to understand why it was a bullshit proposition in the first place. But when you are dealing with a people that think 50 Cent has redeeming qualitied...you really are expecting too much. I am just saying.
Well, I will be back up at some point during this week for some nondescript reason. Until then, commence to jiggling!:
Damn, I have been laughing about this one for a few days now. SNL is only funny three times a year so they still have two left. Peace out, ya’ll.
Chachi Out
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Month Of The King!
I am back and on time this week! So sit back, relax and enjoy the 20 biggest videos on the planet! I give to you…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s start with the videos that are no longer with us in Falling Out:
Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Peaked at #3)
Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Peaked at #7)
Miss Hyori and Miss Keys fall out of the Top 20 but both still had big years. Now let’s begin with the fourth Naruto theme to make the Countdown!
20. Joe Inoue – Closer (New Entry)
Okay, so this song has officially grown on me. My love of Naruto has fallen off over the last three months or so but damn it this video is kind of cool. They remind me of Asian Kung Fu Generation but less rock, more pop. Not a bad thing though.
19. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #15, Three Weeks at #1)
Looks to be their last days on the Countdown. Damn shame, they had one hell of a 2008.
18. David Cook – Light On (Last Week #20)
So I have never really looked forward to an American Idol….and I am not now. Even still, David Cook moves up two spots this week.
17. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #14)
The year of TI! He is still holding on this week as he has two videos in the Top 20 and has for a good part of the beginning and end of 2008. Artist of the Year nod? Find out Sunday!
16. Aqua Timez - Velonica (New Entry)
YES! OH MY GOD YES! IT FEELS SO GOOD! Aqua Timez is back with another beginning for Bleach and god damn it is about time! It premiered this week and you know it is going to be on this bitch. NEW RINGTONE!
15. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #12)
I just saw one of their last live performances this weekend and…I am so going to miss them. IT JUST AINT RIGHT!
14. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #16)
Just got the single and damn it this is one catchy ditty. Wasn’t really a fan of RSP until this one but I have to say, good stuff.
13. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Where in the hell are the Wonder Girls?! In the USA of course! Can anyone get me tickets to their NYC or LA show? PLEASE?!
12. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
Wow, big move for a first time out! Nana Mizuki has caught my attention with this video because the song is rocking and she is damn fine. Reminds me of another NaNa…
11. Young Jeezy – Crazy World (Last Week #13)
The Snowman is moving back up! Can he get his third Top 10 video before the end of 2008? He could be a sleeper pick for Artist of the Year!
10. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #8, Two Weeks at #1)
So two new videos for Kanye and I am not sure which one I like more. Odds are the one without DJ Khaled yelling for no reason.
9. Paramore – Decode (Last Week #11)
So Paramore is back in the Top 10! It has been a while (About six months) since they have been here and although I love the video…I would prefer it not be from “Twilight.” Or as I call it “Gay Ass Vampire Party”
8. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #5)
Kumi Koda falls this week but her new video is gaining on me although like I said last week, she is looking rough in her live performances of this song. Real rough.
7. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #9)
Moving up two spots, Ikimonogakari is looking to take over as the new players on the Countdown. This is a good video to start with!
6. UVERworld – Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi (Last Week #7)
LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! Detail soon! FUCK YES, MOTHERFUCKER!
5. Halcali – LONG KISS GOODBYE (Last Week #6)
Into the Top Five and Halcali is slowly moving this week. Quite a departure from their five and six spot leaps over the last two weeks but the top is getting a bit crowded with big names…
4. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (Last Week #2)
RAIN IS FALLING! Bi falls from the runner up spot after two weeks of trying to knock off the king. The English version of this song…not bad. Not bad at all.
3. YUI – I’ll Be (Last Week #4)
Yui is back in the Top Three…once again…and I have to say she is becoming a fixture in 19 spots on this Countdown. Can she take the one spot she hasn’t had in almost two years…number one?
2. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #3)
BoA is inching closer to the top spot! She moves up one place this week and takes over for Bi in the runner up position! Okay…I am officially feeling this song. The English is bad but that is what makes it awesome. With BoA at number two, the king is still in his throne!
1. T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
For one full month, the King of the South has been the King of the Countdown! It has been a big year for T.I. and now the question is: how will prison effect his position on here? He will be gone for quite a while so he is lucky to be holding on like this. All hail the king!
Well that is all for this week! Come back next week to see if TI and Rihanna can hold on for a fifth week to the top spot! Or see if BoA will eat up the competition and become the new queen! Or will Yui FINALLY move back to the top? Tune in seven days from now to find out!
Well, sushi tomorrow and odds are KARAOKE AND SOJU PARTAY! Should be fun, peeps. If you want to roll, let me know. Until then, peace out.
Chachi Out
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
Let’s start with the videos that are no longer with us in Falling Out:
Hyori Lee – Hey Mr. Big! (Peaked at #3)
Alicia Keys - Superwoman (Peaked at #7)
Miss Hyori and Miss Keys fall out of the Top 20 but both still had big years. Now let’s begin with the fourth Naruto theme to make the Countdown!
20. Joe Inoue – Closer (New Entry)
Okay, so this song has officially grown on me. My love of Naruto has fallen off over the last three months or so but damn it this video is kind of cool. They remind me of Asian Kung Fu Generation but less rock, more pop. Not a bad thing though.
19. Hearts Grow – Sora (Last Week #15, Three Weeks at #1)
Looks to be their last days on the Countdown. Damn shame, they had one hell of a 2008.
18. David Cook – Light On (Last Week #20)
So I have never really looked forward to an American Idol….and I am not now. Even still, David Cook moves up two spots this week.
17. T.I. – What Up, What’s Happening (Last Week #14)
The year of TI! He is still holding on this week as he has two videos in the Top 20 and has for a good part of the beginning and end of 2008. Artist of the Year nod? Find out Sunday!
16. Aqua Timez - Velonica (New Entry)
YES! OH MY GOD YES! IT FEELS SO GOOD! Aqua Timez is back with another beginning for Bleach and god damn it is about time! It premiered this week and you know it is going to be on this bitch. NEW RINGTONE!
15. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Remember (Last Week #12)
I just saw one of their last live performances this weekend and…I am so going to miss them. IT JUST AINT RIGHT!
14. RSP with DA BUBBLE GUM BROTHERS – LA.LA.LA LOVE SONG (Last Week #16)
Just got the single and damn it this is one catchy ditty. Wasn’t really a fan of RSP until this one but I have to say, good stuff.
13. Wonder Girls - Nobody (Last Week #10, One Week at #1)
Where in the hell are the Wonder Girls?! In the USA of course! Can anyone get me tickets to their NYC or LA show? PLEASE?!
12. Nana Mizuki – TRICKSTER (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
Wow, big move for a first time out! Nana Mizuki has caught my attention with this video because the song is rocking and she is damn fine. Reminds me of another NaNa…
11. Young Jeezy – Crazy World (Last Week #13)
The Snowman is moving back up! Can he get his third Top 10 video before the end of 2008? He could be a sleeper pick for Artist of the Year!
10. Kanye West – Love Lockdown (Last Week #8, Two Weeks at #1)
So two new videos for Kanye and I am not sure which one I like more. Odds are the one without DJ Khaled yelling for no reason.
9. Paramore – Decode (Last Week #11)
So Paramore is back in the Top 10! It has been a while (About six months) since they have been here and although I love the video…I would prefer it not be from “Twilight.” Or as I call it “Gay Ass Vampire Party”
8. Kumi Koda – Taboo (Last Week #5)
Kumi Koda falls this week but her new video is gaining on me although like I said last week, she is looking rough in her live performances of this song. Real rough.
7. Ikimonogakari – Kimagure Romanteikku (Last Week #9)
Moving up two spots, Ikimonogakari is looking to take over as the new players on the Countdown. This is a good video to start with!
6. UVERworld – Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi (Last Week #7)
LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! LIVE UVERWORLD DVD! Detail soon! FUCK YES, MOTHERFUCKER!
5. Halcali – LONG KISS GOODBYE (Last Week #6)
Into the Top Five and Halcali is slowly moving this week. Quite a departure from their five and six spot leaps over the last two weeks but the top is getting a bit crowded with big names…
4. Rain (Bi) – Rainism (Last Week #2)
RAIN IS FALLING! Bi falls from the runner up spot after two weeks of trying to knock off the king. The English version of this song…not bad. Not bad at all.
3. YUI – I’ll Be (Last Week #4)
Yui is back in the Top Three…once again…and I have to say she is becoming a fixture in 19 spots on this Countdown. Can she take the one spot she hasn’t had in almost two years…number one?
2. BoA – Eat You Up [Korean Version] (Last Week #3)
BoA is inching closer to the top spot! She moves up one place this week and takes over for Bi in the runner up position! Okay…I am officially feeling this song. The English is bad but that is what makes it awesome. With BoA at number two, the king is still in his throne!
1. T.I. feat Rihanna – Live Your Life (Last Week #1, Four Weeks at #1)
For one full month, the King of the South has been the King of the Countdown! It has been a big year for T.I. and now the question is: how will prison effect his position on here? He will be gone for quite a while so he is lucky to be holding on like this. All hail the king!
Well that is all for this week! Come back next week to see if TI and Rihanna can hold on for a fifth week to the top spot! Or see if BoA will eat up the competition and become the new queen! Or will Yui FINALLY move back to the top? Tune in seven days from now to find out!
Well, sushi tomorrow and odds are KARAOKE AND SOJU PARTAY! Should be fun, peeps. If you want to roll, let me know. Until then, peace out.
Chachi Out
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Being Shallow: Inducing Vomiting Since Supermodels Hit It Big.
So to fill up some space and introduce this blog to what it USED to be when I had no fucking job or responsibilities (MAN, those days were steak sauce!), I am going to repost my rant about being shallow. Well, less of a rant and more of a surprisingly calm commentary. I think I was drunk when I posted this, which was the norm for about 70% of my posts. Oddly enough, it is why the old blogs make so much damn sense. So, enjoy the repeats! I will be back-to-back on Thursday and Friday (the latter for the Countdown) and be sure to stay tuned for the Passion of Chachi Music Awards Nominee Special this Sunday! I am also going to post the Omnibus for those of you that do ask any questions but it will more than likely be up on Monday. Read, dummies!
How Chachi Feels About:
Being Shallow
Now as many of you know, I’m a nerd. Total dweeb. One thing that I do as a nerd is look at Ctrl+Alt+Del every morning before I get going at work. It is good stuff, almost has replaced Penny Arcade as my favorite (No one can top the Merch Christmas). As a storyline driven web comic, I have liked a lot of the arcs like the Mac Panthers arc. He has a current arc where Lucas decides to get back on the dating scene and joins a Match.com like dating site. Zeke (an X-Box robot) sets him up on a date behind his back with a heavier woman. The arc basically shows how Lucas is not attracted to her but still goes out with her. Come to find out she ISN’T overweight, just wearing a fat suit and she is actually skinny. He has a good time and the end.
Tim Buckley (not like I know him so I won’t act like I do) gave an explanation this morning about why he portrayed Lucas the way he did after some e-mails from upset people. This made me think. What is wrong with being shallow anyway?
Okay, as a fat, black jerk I can honestly say that I have no reason to be shallow. Hell, I already have three strikes against me and two strikes in the second inning (being sexually ambiguous and nerd count against me, too). Yet, I think being ‘shallow’ is confused with having certain standards, right or wrong. Case in point: I don’t like skinny women. Hell, I don’t like skinny people in general. Call it jealousy, call it a preference but if I had my choice I would not date a skinny woman no matter what my size because I don’t find that initially attractive. Does that make me shallow? In terms of the way the word is used now, yes it does. Does that mean I won’t talk to that person if I like her personality? Hell no. Will that curb my physical attraction to her? Hells no because if you love someone solely based on how they look, good luck with that.
On the flip side, I also understand that I am not the ideal for most women. I’ve been told by women that they don’t find fat guys attractive. Can’t blame them for that at all. Who would I be to judge them when I do the exact same thing (albeit reversed)? It may hurt, it may suck and it may mean they miss out on the 100% Grade-A Mancake but it is their fucking choice. I have been told by one girl in particular (Who was Mormon. Bad move on MY PART) that she liked me but didn’t date black men. I was surprisingly okay with that. You know why? Because I don’t date black women, or they don’t date me spin that how you want. That was her choice and although I didn’t like it I (sadly) respected it. Even weirder was when we DID date and I met her dad when I picked her up and all he could do was stare and sloooooowly close the door in confusion. Is that shallow? No, that is a choice. I know this all too well because for a long time I wasn’t en vogue not because of my weight but because I was TOO DARK when light-skins were hot (Fuck Christopher Williams). Griff can tell you, that shit HURTS. Was it fair? No, and I will stick by that to this day because I am a SEXY SHADE OF MOCHA! I accepted it as a choice they made and to each their own.
So quite simply is being ‘shallow’ a bad thing? Well, yes and no. Just like anything there are pros and cons to being choosy. If the military took anyone and everyone that enlisted because they were desperate the drunk, ugly sorority girl at a frat party we would be….you know that joke is too easy. If you aren’t attracted to women with tattoos (Especially at the small of the back. REAL ORIGINAL) because you think that shows a personality of being weak and easily influenced then that is your choice. If you think that a guy that watches cartoons isn’t your type because it means they never grew up and shows immaturity, it is quite alright. The simple fact is that we are by nature ‘shallow’. Looks matter and that is the bottom line.
However, with people being like snowflakes being ‘shallow’ really limits you. If everyone looked alike and had the same ideal of beauty, it would be…well creepy. I don’t like all of the same traits Rick likes in a woman (we’ve been over this) but several overlap. I am not a fan big boobs (especially fake ones. CREEPY), for the most part he digs ‘em like Sugar Smacks. He isn’t about the illegal shift in the backfield but I am all about that 5-yard penalty. Yet, we both aren’t fans of tattoos or smokers. That still gives a wide spectrum of women out there that we find attractive. That being said, once you get past that, there is a very important factor that outweighs that: personality.
Now that is when being shallow can truly fuck you over. I for one am the exception to this rule because if you don’t like the cover of this book you sure as HELL aint going to like the story. If I hear another person say ‘he was cute but he was such a jerk!’ or ‘she was hot but man she was a bitch’ I will rip your lower mandible out and use it as a fucking cup holder. This is when I use the word shallow. Not to describe a person, but their PERSONALITY. A shallow personality is one that is devoid of any depth or originality. A pretty woman that has no sense of humor is not sexy. She may be a physical specimen but for the most part, you can’t have sex all day. At some point you have to talk about SOMETHING and when you do, if she or he is shallow it is going to SUCK. Since the majority (okay, all) of my time is spent NOT having sex the ability to relate and have fun with someone is key. Having a great personality actually should (and for me does) make up for not fitting into my ‘ideal’. Is it the same for everyone? No, some people have a box and if you don’t fit in that box then it is on to the next girl/guy. Again, there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind; people don’t like to be in boxes. They keep on escaping, and then you have to use the cattle prod…let’s just say it’s not worth it.
So back to the original point: how does the Chachi feel about being shallow? It is a part of being human. Everyone has their preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind, it is an INDIVIDUAL preference. With the rise of Maxim, Cosmo, Spike TV and Sex in the City (dumbest fucking show EVER) people are really falling into this ‘ideal beauty’ that is portrayed and if that is your thing then do it to it. No matter how ‘unbiased’ you are, you have preset ideas of what is attractive to you. So don’t get pissy when someone else’s are different from yours or aren’t you. If someone doesn’t find a trait about you attractive, odds are you weren’t right for that person anyway. If you were, then they just missed out on the greatest thing to happen since all-natural applesauce. At least that’s the lie I tell myself to get to sleep without crying. Just kidding, everyone is beautiful. Nothing wrong with being ‘shallow’ but you could be missing out.
Alright, I am out. Be sure to check back for the updates this weekend. Stay up ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
How Chachi Feels About:
Being Shallow
Now as many of you know, I’m a nerd. Total dweeb. One thing that I do as a nerd is look at Ctrl+Alt+Del every morning before I get going at work. It is good stuff, almost has replaced Penny Arcade as my favorite (No one can top the Merch Christmas). As a storyline driven web comic, I have liked a lot of the arcs like the Mac Panthers arc. He has a current arc where Lucas decides to get back on the dating scene and joins a Match.com like dating site. Zeke (an X-Box robot) sets him up on a date behind his back with a heavier woman. The arc basically shows how Lucas is not attracted to her but still goes out with her. Come to find out she ISN’T overweight, just wearing a fat suit and she is actually skinny. He has a good time and the end.
Tim Buckley (not like I know him so I won’t act like I do) gave an explanation this morning about why he portrayed Lucas the way he did after some e-mails from upset people. This made me think. What is wrong with being shallow anyway?
Okay, as a fat, black jerk I can honestly say that I have no reason to be shallow. Hell, I already have three strikes against me and two strikes in the second inning (being sexually ambiguous and nerd count against me, too). Yet, I think being ‘shallow’ is confused with having certain standards, right or wrong. Case in point: I don’t like skinny women. Hell, I don’t like skinny people in general. Call it jealousy, call it a preference but if I had my choice I would not date a skinny woman no matter what my size because I don’t find that initially attractive. Does that make me shallow? In terms of the way the word is used now, yes it does. Does that mean I won’t talk to that person if I like her personality? Hell no. Will that curb my physical attraction to her? Hells no because if you love someone solely based on how they look, good luck with that.
On the flip side, I also understand that I am not the ideal for most women. I’ve been told by women that they don’t find fat guys attractive. Can’t blame them for that at all. Who would I be to judge them when I do the exact same thing (albeit reversed)? It may hurt, it may suck and it may mean they miss out on the 100% Grade-A Mancake but it is their fucking choice. I have been told by one girl in particular (Who was Mormon. Bad move on MY PART) that she liked me but didn’t date black men. I was surprisingly okay with that. You know why? Because I don’t date black women, or they don’t date me spin that how you want. That was her choice and although I didn’t like it I (sadly) respected it. Even weirder was when we DID date and I met her dad when I picked her up and all he could do was stare and sloooooowly close the door in confusion. Is that shallow? No, that is a choice. I know this all too well because for a long time I wasn’t en vogue not because of my weight but because I was TOO DARK when light-skins were hot (Fuck Christopher Williams). Griff can tell you, that shit HURTS. Was it fair? No, and I will stick by that to this day because I am a SEXY SHADE OF MOCHA! I accepted it as a choice they made and to each their own.
So quite simply is being ‘shallow’ a bad thing? Well, yes and no. Just like anything there are pros and cons to being choosy. If the military took anyone and everyone that enlisted because they were desperate the drunk, ugly sorority girl at a frat party we would be….you know that joke is too easy. If you aren’t attracted to women with tattoos (Especially at the small of the back. REAL ORIGINAL) because you think that shows a personality of being weak and easily influenced then that is your choice. If you think that a guy that watches cartoons isn’t your type because it means they never grew up and shows immaturity, it is quite alright. The simple fact is that we are by nature ‘shallow’. Looks matter and that is the bottom line.
However, with people being like snowflakes being ‘shallow’ really limits you. If everyone looked alike and had the same ideal of beauty, it would be…well creepy. I don’t like all of the same traits Rick likes in a woman (we’ve been over this) but several overlap. I am not a fan big boobs (especially fake ones. CREEPY), for the most part he digs ‘em like Sugar Smacks. He isn’t about the illegal shift in the backfield but I am all about that 5-yard penalty. Yet, we both aren’t fans of tattoos or smokers. That still gives a wide spectrum of women out there that we find attractive. That being said, once you get past that, there is a very important factor that outweighs that: personality.
Now that is when being shallow can truly fuck you over. I for one am the exception to this rule because if you don’t like the cover of this book you sure as HELL aint going to like the story. If I hear another person say ‘he was cute but he was such a jerk!’ or ‘she was hot but man she was a bitch’ I will rip your lower mandible out and use it as a fucking cup holder. This is when I use the word shallow. Not to describe a person, but their PERSONALITY. A shallow personality is one that is devoid of any depth or originality. A pretty woman that has no sense of humor is not sexy. She may be a physical specimen but for the most part, you can’t have sex all day. At some point you have to talk about SOMETHING and when you do, if she or he is shallow it is going to SUCK. Since the majority (okay, all) of my time is spent NOT having sex the ability to relate and have fun with someone is key. Having a great personality actually should (and for me does) make up for not fitting into my ‘ideal’. Is it the same for everyone? No, some people have a box and if you don’t fit in that box then it is on to the next girl/guy. Again, there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind; people don’t like to be in boxes. They keep on escaping, and then you have to use the cattle prod…let’s just say it’s not worth it.
So back to the original point: how does the Chachi feel about being shallow? It is a part of being human. Everyone has their preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. Keep in mind, it is an INDIVIDUAL preference. With the rise of Maxim, Cosmo, Spike TV and Sex in the City (dumbest fucking show EVER) people are really falling into this ‘ideal beauty’ that is portrayed and if that is your thing then do it to it. No matter how ‘unbiased’ you are, you have preset ideas of what is attractive to you. So don’t get pissy when someone else’s are different from yours or aren’t you. If someone doesn’t find a trait about you attractive, odds are you weren’t right for that person anyway. If you were, then they just missed out on the greatest thing to happen since all-natural applesauce. At least that’s the lie I tell myself to get to sleep without crying. Just kidding, everyone is beautiful. Nothing wrong with being ‘shallow’ but you could be missing out.
Alright, I am out. Be sure to check back for the updates this weekend. Stay up ya’ll.
Chachi Out.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Kicking It Old School...And Man Did The Lack Variety.
So yesterday and today at work one of my co-workers (An awesome dude, reminds me of Master Shake meets Conan O’Brien but not a ginger or….um…a cup) and I have been discussing the state of music and something hit me. People always sit back and talk about how repetitive music is NOW and to an extent they are right but…music was hella repetitive back in the day. The song in particular we were talking about was La Trimm’s “Cars That Go Boom”:
Now I know we all loved this song but…tell me that in retrospect this song isn’t the most annoying thing you have ever heard? Yes the nostalgia factor gets you through it but damn it this song makes MIMS sound like Rakim. Were our standards lower then or are they higher now? I think they are higher now, which is why a lot of us pine for bringing back that old New York rap. Like MC Lyte’s “Georgie Porgie”:
Now THAT is real hip hop. Well, I am out for now. Repeats tomorrow. Sorry about that, but I will have new stuff on Friday and a huge weekend full of updates! Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Now I know we all loved this song but…tell me that in retrospect this song isn’t the most annoying thing you have ever heard? Yes the nostalgia factor gets you through it but damn it this song makes MIMS sound like Rakim. Were our standards lower then or are they higher now? I think they are higher now, which is why a lot of us pine for bringing back that old New York rap. Like MC Lyte’s “Georgie Porgie”:
Now THAT is real hip hop. Well, I am out for now. Repeats tomorrow. Sorry about that, but I will have new stuff on Friday and a huge weekend full of updates! Stay up, peeps.
Chachi Out
Monday, December 08, 2008
If I Weren't A Boy, I Would TOTALLY Date Zac Efron! BISHIE HAWT!
Okay, so I am back for a Monday update. My god, it if fricking snowing like hell outside. I can honestly say that this is utter and complete bullshit that it only snows when I drive. Seriously, it is pissing me off.
So I wanted to say a little something about the advent of these “women’s anthems” songs that are clung on to like rednecks cling on to Lynard Skynard. Understand this right now, people: Lynard Skynard has ONE GOOD SONG. “Simple Kind Of Man.” THAT IS IT. The next person to sing “Sweet Home Alabama” like it doesn’t fucking suck is getting beaten with a bat. Redneck rock was never any good unless you are downing PBR and beating your three times pregnant that year wife (You may say that aint possible but in the South, science means nothing. It’s all about Jebus) while sitting in front of your trailer trying to fix your T-top IROC. Yeah, I SO FUCKING WENT THERE. Stop banging your cousin and get some real musical taste.
Enough on my inbred honkey rant (Another day, another time). This rant is about stupid women and their stupid songs. Now I have ranted about how niggas love songs about getting money and yet they are broker than I am (Read: “I Get Money” by 50 Cent or “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits. Niggas love Dire Straits) and women that love songs about wonton acts of stupidity piss me off as well. Nowhere near as much because I expect nothing less but irrational behavior from a lot of you women out there but the trend of this has gotten disturbing dumb. Now I already mentioned how much I did not like “When He Cheats” because it was glorifying the double standard of irrational violence by women being accepted and even encouraged (By other women, but still they are people and can do stuff now) but the same actions by a man are seen as…well, illegal. Which by all means, violence against a woman is reprehensible (Except in Street Fighter II and Mario Kart because Peach is a fucking bitch!) as is menacing but is it okay for a woman to do it to a man for the same reasons? No, but you can’t tell THEM that mostly because they don’t understand logic. Although it is considered a harmless “song” I can say for a fact I know two women off top of head that have committed some form of vandalism or menacing against an ex-boyfriend or husband and in conversations with other females they NEVER say they were wrong for…well…ignoring the whole LAW thing. Yet if a man even does anything resembling a question of what she is doing or even worse directly questions an action he is vilified. Now women always say that there are some men that are violent and always use a worse case scenario to justify their actions. You know…that sounds a lot like George W. Bush tactics to me. Weapons of mass destruction, anyone? By using the extreme to justify crap you do, you are no better than Hitler. You are better than Hitler…right, ladies?
Back to these songs women love so damn much. Now when I think of a woman’s anthem, I personally think of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For The Money”:
Or even better, Queen Latifah’s “U.N.I.T.Y.”:
You know why? These songs are about EMPOWERING YOURSELF. They aren’t these whiny and trifling ass “a man aint shit if he don’t do what I say” songs I hear all the fucking time. Case in point, Beyonce’s “If I Was A Boy”:
Okay, now I posted the lyrics for a good reason. I really want you to LISTEN to this and understand why I am concerned with the direction women are taking.
If I were a boy, even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they stick up for me
Okay, this is very interesting to me because having observed married and taken (LOL!) female friends out when their husbands or boyfriends aren’t around and you know what? They do the same thing. Now replace beers with random mixed drinks and replace throwing on what they wanted (Another myth because I am rather vain according to several females I know) with taking an hour and a half do get dressed up to impress men that they shouldn’t want attention from anyway but it is the exact same. Yet when a man calls women on this he is being “sexist.” Just like when I call Black people out for being homophobes for being against Prop 8 and yet they say they understand oppression. Yeah, I so fucking went there. Let’s dig a bit deeper…
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home
To come home
Now aint this some LAWL (BTW, this will be the first and last time I use the phrase “lawl”) WORTHY SHIT?! As one that had to deal with the lie of “my cell phone is broken” I can honestly say that women do all of this, too. The most two-faced bullshit being the “make the rules as I go” lyric which is kind of a woman’s motis operandi when it comes to…well, everything. You see, the fact that songs like this are not only made but popular proves that they DO make up the rules as they go. I have seen (and been part of) waiting for someone to come home or return a call and had to hear the lies and excuses about what happened or even better the “don’t you trust me?!” bullshit line that is ironically enough in the video and played as a climax to the video which shows the “turnabout” of how it would look if a woman said that to a man about his suspicions of HER infidelity. Great for a plot device but not so much from a logical sense. You see, I am not going to give about 85% men ANY credit to even pose that question to a woman that he thinks is cheating on him. I actually give women the benefit of the doubt on this one because odds are:
1. He was already cheating. Yeah…dudes can be dicks. But, you date them so tough shit.
2. He was PLANNING on cheating. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Oddly enough, they are surprisingly smart when it comes to PLANNING the idea, just not implementing it. Just like GEORGE W. BUSH! Damn, I am AWESOME!
3. You really weren’t his girlfriend. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Sadly, you were just someone he was fucking until he found someone else. You know who you are and I TOLD YOU THAT! No one listens to me *sigh*
However, that last 15% of dudes is broken down into two segments:
• Straight men that WILL ask about infidelity
• Gay men that will ask about infidelity
Now gay men cheating is easy to tell because…well, there aren’t that many in Colorado Springs so they all kind of know each other. It’s a small world and a smaller pool so you are bound to catch the same fish twice. Now as for the straight men that will ask the question of infidelity, I am using the number that ISN’T actually already cheating. Part of that 85% usually asks out of necessity and to cover their own tracks of douchery and usually ask you in the rudest, most obviously offensive way possible to feign anger which women strangely see as being “concerned” and see it as love (WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANIE?!). If I was a woman, I would be more concerned about that dude being the numbers of a dude that will follow you to a club in his flip flops, boxers and his mom pink robe while brandishing a tire iron yelling “BITCH, WHERE YOU AT?!” (I’ve seen it and I must say the shit was HILARIOUS) and yet I’M the horrible boyfriend for asking where she went for three days off-hand? Yeah, it’s a conundrum.
Back to that 15%. A song like this either bugs them or makes them laugh because of its’ absurdity but strikes concern due to its’ popularity and ability to appeal to the lowest common denominator of women’s logic: the need of attention. Now I have said it once and I will say it again that there is nothing wrong with attention. Hell, a small part of the reason I blog is for attention. Which is odd because I have a pretty low readership (About 25-30 people a post, sometimes more if it is one I hype up or is really offensive) but still I do like to have attention. The difference is that for the majority of women (I won’t say all because I know like…three women that aren’t this way. Maybe four) don’t care whether it is negative or positive attention. Now I know I get negative attention from a lot of what I say and do but I know it is coming and I accept that. Women want the attention but don’t accept the responsibility that comes with gathering large amounts of attention. This is pretty much summed up in the penultimate lyrics of the song…
But you're just a boy
And you don't understand (yea, you don't understand, oh!)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Because you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
Does this seem to not be a bit of dramatization to you as well? Understand something: when someone isn’t listening to you, they don’t CARE THAT IT HURTS YOU. Also, can I just say that saying “everything you had got destroyed” really seems to be a little…egotistical? I mean do you not know that his heart will go on? Well, his wang will anyway because it seems that if he was just a boy, the girl that he was fucking around on you with was a tad more important. The fact that every woman always says “you will never find someone else like me!” and yet the douche is usually already WITH another woman when you finally wise up and leave him says a little something about just how much he is “destroyed” and how bad he feels about “taking you for granted.” Just saying…
Now I know this is just a song. For its merit it isn’t a BAD song it just has BAD FANS. You know, in retrospect it is kind of how I feel about Lynard Skynard, The Beatles, Nirvana and all the other bands that people latch on to and say how much they “changed their life” or “how deep they were” or “how they defined a generation” when in reality they were JUST A FUCKING BAND:
Thanks to Kasey’s sister for bringing this video to my attention because this is now my favorite song. I mean if you listen to “If I Were A Boy” and say anything other than “Hmm, catchy little ditty there” and instead say something like “YEAH! IF I WAS A BOY I WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER! The he would see how much he is missing me now…though he is fucking that other bitch” then you are a dumbass. Beyonce is no X-Japan so quit acting like she is.
Well, I am out for now as I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to make it to work at a decent hour. Until next time (Wednesday, maybe?) stay up. Oh, and here is some X-Japan:
Now THAT’S a kickass tune. oh, and stay tuned for the Passion of Chachi 700th Post Extravaganza! I will TRY (REPEAT, TRY!) to have it up on Sunday but it will be another Omnibus so shoot me your questions now! Hell, I may even give you a shout out! It will be the last Omnibus before the End Of 2009 New Year's Eve Mega-Post so make it good!
Chachi Out
So I wanted to say a little something about the advent of these “women’s anthems” songs that are clung on to like rednecks cling on to Lynard Skynard. Understand this right now, people: Lynard Skynard has ONE GOOD SONG. “Simple Kind Of Man.” THAT IS IT. The next person to sing “Sweet Home Alabama” like it doesn’t fucking suck is getting beaten with a bat. Redneck rock was never any good unless you are downing PBR and beating your three times pregnant that year wife (You may say that aint possible but in the South, science means nothing. It’s all about Jebus) while sitting in front of your trailer trying to fix your T-top IROC. Yeah, I SO FUCKING WENT THERE. Stop banging your cousin and get some real musical taste.
Enough on my inbred honkey rant (Another day, another time). This rant is about stupid women and their stupid songs. Now I have ranted about how niggas love songs about getting money and yet they are broker than I am (Read: “I Get Money” by 50 Cent or “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits. Niggas love Dire Straits) and women that love songs about wonton acts of stupidity piss me off as well. Nowhere near as much because I expect nothing less but irrational behavior from a lot of you women out there but the trend of this has gotten disturbing dumb. Now I already mentioned how much I did not like “When He Cheats” because it was glorifying the double standard of irrational violence by women being accepted and even encouraged (By other women, but still they are people and can do stuff now) but the same actions by a man are seen as…well, illegal. Which by all means, violence against a woman is reprehensible (Except in Street Fighter II and Mario Kart because Peach is a fucking bitch!) as is menacing but is it okay for a woman to do it to a man for the same reasons? No, but you can’t tell THEM that mostly because they don’t understand logic. Although it is considered a harmless “song” I can say for a fact I know two women off top of head that have committed some form of vandalism or menacing against an ex-boyfriend or husband and in conversations with other females they NEVER say they were wrong for…well…ignoring the whole LAW thing. Yet if a man even does anything resembling a question of what she is doing or even worse directly questions an action he is vilified. Now women always say that there are some men that are violent and always use a worse case scenario to justify their actions. You know…that sounds a lot like George W. Bush tactics to me. Weapons of mass destruction, anyone? By using the extreme to justify crap you do, you are no better than Hitler. You are better than Hitler…right, ladies?
Back to these songs women love so damn much. Now when I think of a woman’s anthem, I personally think of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For The Money”:
Or even better, Queen Latifah’s “U.N.I.T.Y.”:
You know why? These songs are about EMPOWERING YOURSELF. They aren’t these whiny and trifling ass “a man aint shit if he don’t do what I say” songs I hear all the fucking time. Case in point, Beyonce’s “If I Was A Boy”:
Okay, now I posted the lyrics for a good reason. I really want you to LISTEN to this and understand why I am concerned with the direction women are taking.
If I were a boy, even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they stick up for me
Okay, this is very interesting to me because having observed married and taken (LOL!) female friends out when their husbands or boyfriends aren’t around and you know what? They do the same thing. Now replace beers with random mixed drinks and replace throwing on what they wanted (Another myth because I am rather vain according to several females I know) with taking an hour and a half do get dressed up to impress men that they shouldn’t want attention from anyway but it is the exact same. Yet when a man calls women on this he is being “sexist.” Just like when I call Black people out for being homophobes for being against Prop 8 and yet they say they understand oppression. Yeah, I so fucking went there. Let’s dig a bit deeper…
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home
To come home
Now aint this some LAWL (BTW, this will be the first and last time I use the phrase “lawl”) WORTHY SHIT?! As one that had to deal with the lie of “my cell phone is broken” I can honestly say that women do all of this, too. The most two-faced bullshit being the “make the rules as I go” lyric which is kind of a woman’s motis operandi when it comes to…well, everything. You see, the fact that songs like this are not only made but popular proves that they DO make up the rules as they go. I have seen (and been part of) waiting for someone to come home or return a call and had to hear the lies and excuses about what happened or even better the “don’t you trust me?!” bullshit line that is ironically enough in the video and played as a climax to the video which shows the “turnabout” of how it would look if a woman said that to a man about his suspicions of HER infidelity. Great for a plot device but not so much from a logical sense. You see, I am not going to give about 85% men ANY credit to even pose that question to a woman that he thinks is cheating on him. I actually give women the benefit of the doubt on this one because odds are:
1. He was already cheating. Yeah…dudes can be dicks. But, you date them so tough shit.
2. He was PLANNING on cheating. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Oddly enough, they are surprisingly smart when it comes to PLANNING the idea, just not implementing it. Just like GEORGE W. BUSH! Damn, I am AWESOME!
3. You really weren’t his girlfriend. Yeah, dudes can be dicks. Sadly, you were just someone he was fucking until he found someone else. You know who you are and I TOLD YOU THAT! No one listens to me *sigh*
However, that last 15% of dudes is broken down into two segments:
• Straight men that WILL ask about infidelity
• Gay men that will ask about infidelity
Now gay men cheating is easy to tell because…well, there aren’t that many in Colorado Springs so they all kind of know each other. It’s a small world and a smaller pool so you are bound to catch the same fish twice. Now as for the straight men that will ask the question of infidelity, I am using the number that ISN’T actually already cheating. Part of that 85% usually asks out of necessity and to cover their own tracks of douchery and usually ask you in the rudest, most obviously offensive way possible to feign anger which women strangely see as being “concerned” and see it as love (WHAT THE FUCK, BELLANIE?!). If I was a woman, I would be more concerned about that dude being the numbers of a dude that will follow you to a club in his flip flops, boxers and his mom pink robe while brandishing a tire iron yelling “BITCH, WHERE YOU AT?!” (I’ve seen it and I must say the shit was HILARIOUS) and yet I’M the horrible boyfriend for asking where she went for three days off-hand? Yeah, it’s a conundrum.
Back to that 15%. A song like this either bugs them or makes them laugh because of its’ absurdity but strikes concern due to its’ popularity and ability to appeal to the lowest common denominator of women’s logic: the need of attention. Now I have said it once and I will say it again that there is nothing wrong with attention. Hell, a small part of the reason I blog is for attention. Which is odd because I have a pretty low readership (About 25-30 people a post, sometimes more if it is one I hype up or is really offensive) but still I do like to have attention. The difference is that for the majority of women (I won’t say all because I know like…three women that aren’t this way. Maybe four) don’t care whether it is negative or positive attention. Now I know I get negative attention from a lot of what I say and do but I know it is coming and I accept that. Women want the attention but don’t accept the responsibility that comes with gathering large amounts of attention. This is pretty much summed up in the penultimate lyrics of the song…
But you're just a boy
And you don't understand (yea, you don't understand, oh!)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Because you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
Does this seem to not be a bit of dramatization to you as well? Understand something: when someone isn’t listening to you, they don’t CARE THAT IT HURTS YOU. Also, can I just say that saying “everything you had got destroyed” really seems to be a little…egotistical? I mean do you not know that his heart will go on? Well, his wang will anyway because it seems that if he was just a boy, the girl that he was fucking around on you with was a tad more important. The fact that every woman always says “you will never find someone else like me!” and yet the douche is usually already WITH another woman when you finally wise up and leave him says a little something about just how much he is “destroyed” and how bad he feels about “taking you for granted.” Just saying…
Now I know this is just a song. For its merit it isn’t a BAD song it just has BAD FANS. You know, in retrospect it is kind of how I feel about Lynard Skynard, The Beatles, Nirvana and all the other bands that people latch on to and say how much they “changed their life” or “how deep they were” or “how they defined a generation” when in reality they were JUST A FUCKING BAND:
Thanks to Kasey’s sister for bringing this video to my attention because this is now my favorite song. I mean if you listen to “If I Were A Boy” and say anything other than “Hmm, catchy little ditty there” and instead say something like “YEAH! IF I WAS A BOY I WOULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER! The he would see how much he is missing me now…though he is fucking that other bitch” then you are a dumbass. Beyonce is no X-Japan so quit acting like she is.
Well, I am out for now as I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to make it to work at a decent hour. Until next time (Wednesday, maybe?) stay up. Oh, and here is some X-Japan:
Now THAT’S a kickass tune. oh, and stay tuned for the Passion of Chachi 700th Post Extravaganza! I will TRY (REPEAT, TRY!) to have it up on Sunday but it will be another Omnibus so shoot me your questions now! Hell, I may even give you a shout out! It will be the last Omnibus before the End Of 2009 New Year's Eve Mega-Post so make it good!
Chachi Out
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Sex: Without It, The Internet and Night Club Industry Would Have Died Out YEARS AGO.
What is up, peeps?! It is another lazy Sunday and it looks like I will have a full work week (LE FUCK!) so updates may be a little on the light side. However, I thought it would be best to post a little something to give the peeps to read and ponder. So, this question was posed to me last week by a friend of mine and when she asked me I knew it was one of those questions that I knew there was not only no right answer to but that no matter what, I was going to look bad no matter what I said. Long story short I said that another friend of mine seemed to think that 30 was a low number for sexual partners and that she was fucking stupid to say any number is “low” or “high” because whoredom isn’t based on HOW MANY you fuck but WHOM and WHY. Which opened up this can of worms:
Chachi Presents: Question of the Day!
Today’s Question: When It Comes (Heh, comes) To Sexual Partners, How Many Is Too Many?
You know, I always felt the best way to answer this is with a personal story. Back in 2002 when women were still stupid enough to date me, my girlfriend in college asked me that same question in reference to a conversation her friends and I had earlier that night. A number was tossed around and when I was asked if that was too many I stated
“For a twenty year old? I don’t know, but seeing as that means you would have had to fuck someone once a month for the last three years to attain such a dumbass goal…I would have to rethink what I did with my day…”
Now it was met with laughter by my girlfriend’s brother but no one else (Sadly, all females) found that line to be funny. Like, at all. So later that evening, she asked me what I would think if that number was pretty close to her number of partners and I told her “What would you expect me to think? I can’t change it so I’m cool with it by default.” Needless to say, she did NOT like that answer and I can understand why. You see, a woman’s sexual history means nothing to you as a friend until you end up dating her. Even if you DO end up dating you can’t have a problem with the NUMBER as much as you can have a problem with WHO is in those numbers. Case in point if she has a child or a crazy ex-boyfriend that doesn’t want to let go (Or even better, a crazy boyfriend she neglected to TELL YOU ABOUT). Knowing those numbers would be a really nice thing because I’m sure that SHE would expect the same common courtesy.
Now the question posed was about how many is too many. Now we can think up arbitrary numbers all day long but the simple fact is this: if sex is that important to you that you have to do it repeatedly then by all means knock yourself out. It is your body and totally your right to have as much sex with as many people as often as you want whether you are a male or female. However, you have to remember a few important factors:
Factor #1: Whether The Number Is High Or Not…Isn’t Up To You So Shut The Fuck Up About It
There is an old adage that people choose what the stats mean at the end of the day, not the athletes. When you look at Barry Bonds homerun total, you will either say he was the greatest home run hitter of all time or his stats are the proof of what performance-enhancing drugs can do to the sanctity of the game. Some people even break his numbers down and split them between the Pittsburg Pirates years and the San Francisco Giants years to mark when the controversy began. THIS is why the numbers aren’t up to you. They are open to interpretation and analysis if you put them out there and you know what? Tough shit. Your sexual partner numbers will be viewed differently by different people so when you bring it out in the open you will get many different views on whether it is high or low. Oddly enough, if the number is less than the woman in question being told the number she is so not a whore. However, if it is within the margin for Whore Error (+/-2 fucks) it varies. Anything over and she is SO A SLUT! Not my words, theirs.
Factor #2: With A Man It ISN’T DIFFERENT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
No matter what I say about any number a woman gives it is usually followed by “If I was a man it wouldn’t matter!” to which I say…shut the fuck up. You see, the reason it is different for a man when it comes to sexual partners is literally how they view it. A lot of men out their rank the number of women they bang (Do the cool kids still say “bang?” Just checking) as a badge of honor. You see, I look at wearing sexual escapades as a badge of honor almost like bragging about how much you go for it on 4th down in football. Sure, sometimes you get a first down but more often than not you turnover on downs. That is casual sex: turning it over on 4th down. At that point the other team has the ball and you have nothing really to show for it except a stat saying you WENT FOR IT ON FOURTH DOWN! So if you are proud of those number then that is cool because some would think that going for it on fourth down means that you have experience which women will admit they like. However ladies, in football if you are going for it on fourth down a lot, you really aren’t doing so well on first or second down, are you? On third down your ass REALLY SUCKS. In essence, I mean just because you have the experience on running plays and going on drives doesn’t mean those plays are any good or if they even work.
Now, let’s tie this altogether. A man with multiple sexual partners is up to the SAME JUDGEMENT as a woman is. Problem is that women don’t really care. Face it, you don’t. You are more concerned about YOURSELF than the other persons which is cool. But understand that most men got past the “Man, that dude gets all the fly honeys!” (Is “fly honey” still cool? How about “roni?”) when it came to sex at like…17. Bros and niggas still keep that mentality until they die but that’s how they roll. Ask your average dude about a guy that fucks any woman that will give it up and we will honestly tell you that he is just as much a whore as a woman that does the same thing and probably even more so because he had to pay for the tang whether indirectly or not so he may as well have just got to Colfax and got him some there. Half the price and no need to worry about the “So what are we?” question that men hate so much. See, asshole! I just saved you $50 in Long Island’s and Cosmo’s! Long story short is that it IS the same for men when it comes to sexual partners but women don’t hold their feet to the fire about whoring it out like YOU HOLD OTHER WOMEN’S FEET TO THE FIRE ABOUT IT! Seriously, no one ever blames the dude for cheating, they call the woman a whore for “fucking their man” to which I say congrats…you’re a jackass. THAT is why women are like niggas: they can’t get along with each other over the most simple shit.
Factor #3: It Is Called Self-Esteem and Self-Control. Use Them.
Now I am going to make a pretty broad assumption and say that every time, excluding rape of course, that when sex is had that it is your own choice. I’ve done some whacky things drunk but I know at the end of the day I DECIDED TO DRINK AND WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME IS MY FAULT because I chose to take a substance that can alter my ability to rationally make decisions. With all that being said, you as a woman lay on your back and you as a man whip out your wang to have this awkward little think we call sex. No one makes you do it and it honestly takes two people saying “let’s get freaky!” to work. So you make the choice to do so and you really can’t get all upset about it after the fact because YOU DID IT! If you KNOW that people may judge you for having sex with enough partners to fill up a Menudo reunion special then you have three choices:
1. Don’t tell anyone: Honestly, it is no one’s business any-damn-way. If you are afraid people will judge your past then keep it to yourself until the time is right. There are some people that will judge you whether the number is two, twenty or fifty so just keep your fool mouth shut.
2. Don’t give a fuck: I mean seriously, why should it even matter? You fucked the defensive secondary of the Jacksonville Jaguars? So what? You did it and did it well so don’t be ashamed! Like I said, people are going to judge you for who you are (Or aren’t) and what you did (Or didn’t) regardless so if you are cool with your past (LOL, OR CURRENT AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) then have a fuck and a smile and quit yer bitchin.
3. Cry about it: No one made you do what you did and you can’t really take it back. I mean you can be born again but in the end Jesus don’t love them hoes. You saw what he did to Mary Magdalene. Told that bitch to get to stepping after he hit that. Seriously, if you have a past in which you have seen a lot of dicks then own up to it. Don’t make excuses or say things like you wish you hadn’t because that just makes you look stupid. The hardest critic of your past is you (Hell, I’m living proof) so once YOU get over it, fuck the world if they can’t adjust. Gotta love the words of Tupac Shakur.
So, quite simply what is the answer? How many is too many? I look at it the same as I look at alcohol: you should know your limits and if you don’t know your limits you will eventually get burned. Now I don’t necessarily mean by an STD (But it could happen) but what I mean is that if at some point you realize that “Man, I’m fucking to either fill a void or gain some personal satisfaction that could be achieved with a less self-esteem breaking hobby” then what you are doing isn’t for you. Now I am not against sex. I mean I am actually all for it because if I ever want to get to Japan I got to be ready to do some godless, eerie shit…I’ve seen the movies. Yet I say that with the understanding that you must be comfortable with what you do. If you are, more power to you. If not then you need to think about how you not only view sex but the people you are having sex with. You know my motto when it comes to this kind of stuff:
Be Safe, Be Cool, Be You
Real simple, but hard for a lot of people to do. In closing, what number of sexual partners is too many?
Your age
(MINUS)
The age you started having sex
(DIVIDE)
12 for the months in a year
(PLUS)
4 for each Bowl Game and/or New Years Bowl game your college has been to (WHILE YOU WERE THERE! If you never went to college or finished this doesn’t apply to you. Yeah, the numbers are skewed)
(PLUS)
5 if you have had sex with any rapper or rock star (Trust me, you don’t have to say but you fucked the crew, too. This goes for males and females)
(PLUS)
10 if you have ever shook hands with Prince (Because….yeah that man’s bankai is sex)
(TIMES)
1.5 to factor in your BCS Ranking (Be sure to add in the Harris Poll as well. The computers take in strength of fuck schedule into account)
(PLUS)
Your age divided by 2
(MINUS)
3 for each individual pity fuck. Yeah, there is a punishment for playing against weaker opponents on your schedule. However, they count as an ADD toward your total.
(EQUALS)
Your Total!
Now take your total and subtract it from your actual number count of partners and you have…
Your ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index)
If you are above the number you ended up with, you are officially a whore. Male or female. That system doesn’t make sense? Good, that is exactly how I feel about the question of how many sexual partners is too many because to ask it doesn’t make sense. Is it too many to you? Too many to me? Too many to that guy? Too many to Gene Simmons or Madonna? It really doesn’t matter. If it is a source of concern for you then maybe you shouldn’t have been pounding those daiquiris’ last night!
Lastly, the answer is up to you. Much like the power, it is yours!
Hells yeah!
Well, I am out for now. I will try to answer another question of the day on Tuesday or Wednesday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Chachi Presents: Question of the Day!
Today’s Question: When It Comes (Heh, comes) To Sexual Partners, How Many Is Too Many?
You know, I always felt the best way to answer this is with a personal story. Back in 2002 when women were still stupid enough to date me, my girlfriend in college asked me that same question in reference to a conversation her friends and I had earlier that night. A number was tossed around and when I was asked if that was too many I stated
“For a twenty year old? I don’t know, but seeing as that means you would have had to fuck someone once a month for the last three years to attain such a dumbass goal…I would have to rethink what I did with my day…”
Now it was met with laughter by my girlfriend’s brother but no one else (Sadly, all females) found that line to be funny. Like, at all. So later that evening, she asked me what I would think if that number was pretty close to her number of partners and I told her “What would you expect me to think? I can’t change it so I’m cool with it by default.” Needless to say, she did NOT like that answer and I can understand why. You see, a woman’s sexual history means nothing to you as a friend until you end up dating her. Even if you DO end up dating you can’t have a problem with the NUMBER as much as you can have a problem with WHO is in those numbers. Case in point if she has a child or a crazy ex-boyfriend that doesn’t want to let go (Or even better, a crazy boyfriend she neglected to TELL YOU ABOUT). Knowing those numbers would be a really nice thing because I’m sure that SHE would expect the same common courtesy.
Now the question posed was about how many is too many. Now we can think up arbitrary numbers all day long but the simple fact is this: if sex is that important to you that you have to do it repeatedly then by all means knock yourself out. It is your body and totally your right to have as much sex with as many people as often as you want whether you are a male or female. However, you have to remember a few important factors:
Factor #1: Whether The Number Is High Or Not…Isn’t Up To You So Shut The Fuck Up About It
There is an old adage that people choose what the stats mean at the end of the day, not the athletes. When you look at Barry Bonds homerun total, you will either say he was the greatest home run hitter of all time or his stats are the proof of what performance-enhancing drugs can do to the sanctity of the game. Some people even break his numbers down and split them between the Pittsburg Pirates years and the San Francisco Giants years to mark when the controversy began. THIS is why the numbers aren’t up to you. They are open to interpretation and analysis if you put them out there and you know what? Tough shit. Your sexual partner numbers will be viewed differently by different people so when you bring it out in the open you will get many different views on whether it is high or low. Oddly enough, if the number is less than the woman in question being told the number she is so not a whore. However, if it is within the margin for Whore Error (+/-2 fucks) it varies. Anything over and she is SO A SLUT! Not my words, theirs.
Factor #2: With A Man It ISN’T DIFFERENT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
No matter what I say about any number a woman gives it is usually followed by “If I was a man it wouldn’t matter!” to which I say…shut the fuck up. You see, the reason it is different for a man when it comes to sexual partners is literally how they view it. A lot of men out their rank the number of women they bang (Do the cool kids still say “bang?” Just checking) as a badge of honor. You see, I look at wearing sexual escapades as a badge of honor almost like bragging about how much you go for it on 4th down in football. Sure, sometimes you get a first down but more often than not you turnover on downs. That is casual sex: turning it over on 4th down. At that point the other team has the ball and you have nothing really to show for it except a stat saying you WENT FOR IT ON FOURTH DOWN! So if you are proud of those number then that is cool because some would think that going for it on fourth down means that you have experience which women will admit they like. However ladies, in football if you are going for it on fourth down a lot, you really aren’t doing so well on first or second down, are you? On third down your ass REALLY SUCKS. In essence, I mean just because you have the experience on running plays and going on drives doesn’t mean those plays are any good or if they even work.
Now, let’s tie this altogether. A man with multiple sexual partners is up to the SAME JUDGEMENT as a woman is. Problem is that women don’t really care. Face it, you don’t. You are more concerned about YOURSELF than the other persons which is cool. But understand that most men got past the “Man, that dude gets all the fly honeys!” (Is “fly honey” still cool? How about “roni?”) when it came to sex at like…17. Bros and niggas still keep that mentality until they die but that’s how they roll. Ask your average dude about a guy that fucks any woman that will give it up and we will honestly tell you that he is just as much a whore as a woman that does the same thing and probably even more so because he had to pay for the tang whether indirectly or not so he may as well have just got to Colfax and got him some there. Half the price and no need to worry about the “So what are we?” question that men hate so much. See, asshole! I just saved you $50 in Long Island’s and Cosmo’s! Long story short is that it IS the same for men when it comes to sexual partners but women don’t hold their feet to the fire about whoring it out like YOU HOLD OTHER WOMEN’S FEET TO THE FIRE ABOUT IT! Seriously, no one ever blames the dude for cheating, they call the woman a whore for “fucking their man” to which I say congrats…you’re a jackass. THAT is why women are like niggas: they can’t get along with each other over the most simple shit.
Factor #3: It Is Called Self-Esteem and Self-Control. Use Them.
Now I am going to make a pretty broad assumption and say that every time, excluding rape of course, that when sex is had that it is your own choice. I’ve done some whacky things drunk but I know at the end of the day I DECIDED TO DRINK AND WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME IS MY FAULT because I chose to take a substance that can alter my ability to rationally make decisions. With all that being said, you as a woman lay on your back and you as a man whip out your wang to have this awkward little think we call sex. No one makes you do it and it honestly takes two people saying “let’s get freaky!” to work. So you make the choice to do so and you really can’t get all upset about it after the fact because YOU DID IT! If you KNOW that people may judge you for having sex with enough partners to fill up a Menudo reunion special then you have three choices:
1. Don’t tell anyone: Honestly, it is no one’s business any-damn-way. If you are afraid people will judge your past then keep it to yourself until the time is right. There are some people that will judge you whether the number is two, twenty or fifty so just keep your fool mouth shut.
2. Don’t give a fuck: I mean seriously, why should it even matter? You fucked the defensive secondary of the Jacksonville Jaguars? So what? You did it and did it well so don’t be ashamed! Like I said, people are going to judge you for who you are (Or aren’t) and what you did (Or didn’t) regardless so if you are cool with your past (LOL, OR CURRENT AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) then have a fuck and a smile and quit yer bitchin.
3. Cry about it: No one made you do what you did and you can’t really take it back. I mean you can be born again but in the end Jesus don’t love them hoes. You saw what he did to Mary Magdalene. Told that bitch to get to stepping after he hit that. Seriously, if you have a past in which you have seen a lot of dicks then own up to it. Don’t make excuses or say things like you wish you hadn’t because that just makes you look stupid. The hardest critic of your past is you (Hell, I’m living proof) so once YOU get over it, fuck the world if they can’t adjust. Gotta love the words of Tupac Shakur.
So, quite simply what is the answer? How many is too many? I look at it the same as I look at alcohol: you should know your limits and if you don’t know your limits you will eventually get burned. Now I don’t necessarily mean by an STD (But it could happen) but what I mean is that if at some point you realize that “Man, I’m fucking to either fill a void or gain some personal satisfaction that could be achieved with a less self-esteem breaking hobby” then what you are doing isn’t for you. Now I am not against sex. I mean I am actually all for it because if I ever want to get to Japan I got to be ready to do some godless, eerie shit…I’ve seen the movies. Yet I say that with the understanding that you must be comfortable with what you do. If you are, more power to you. If not then you need to think about how you not only view sex but the people you are having sex with. You know my motto when it comes to this kind of stuff:
Be Safe, Be Cool, Be You
Real simple, but hard for a lot of people to do. In closing, what number of sexual partners is too many?
Your age
(MINUS)
The age you started having sex
(DIVIDE)
12 for the months in a year
(PLUS)
4 for each Bowl Game and/or New Years Bowl game your college has been to (WHILE YOU WERE THERE! If you never went to college or finished this doesn’t apply to you. Yeah, the numbers are skewed)
(PLUS)
5 if you have had sex with any rapper or rock star (Trust me, you don’t have to say but you fucked the crew, too. This goes for males and females)
(PLUS)
10 if you have ever shook hands with Prince (Because….yeah that man’s bankai is sex)
(TIMES)
1.5 to factor in your BCS Ranking (Be sure to add in the Harris Poll as well. The computers take in strength of fuck schedule into account)
(PLUS)
Your age divided by 2
(MINUS)
3 for each individual pity fuck. Yeah, there is a punishment for playing against weaker opponents on your schedule. However, they count as an ADD toward your total.
(EQUALS)
Your Total!
Now take your total and subtract it from your actual number count of partners and you have…
Your ASPI (Acceptable Sexual Partner Index)
If you are above the number you ended up with, you are officially a whore. Male or female. That system doesn’t make sense? Good, that is exactly how I feel about the question of how many sexual partners is too many because to ask it doesn’t make sense. Is it too many to you? Too many to me? Too many to that guy? Too many to Gene Simmons or Madonna? It really doesn’t matter. If it is a source of concern for you then maybe you shouldn’t have been pounding those daiquiris’ last night!
Lastly, the answer is up to you. Much like the power, it is yours!
Hells yeah!
Well, I am out for now. I will try to answer another question of the day on Tuesday or Wednesday. Until then, stay up peeps.
Chachi Out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)