Now That's Big Pimpin.

Freeze! It’s me, fishes! After an extended absence (Damn, Tomb Raider Legends is ADDICTIVE. Better than the first five or so) I am back with a new post!

First things first: as you all know, I despise 50 Cent. There are only two people who I want dead, and those are 50 Cent and Curtis Jackson. Now I know to say I want someone dead is rather harsh. But I don’t give a fuck. This nigga has done nothing of service to anyone for the last 5 years. That man could cure cancer, find the Lindbergh baby, convict R. Kelly, capture Osama Bin Laden and help peace be declared in the Middle East and I would still want that Black bastard shot in the face. He sucks, he destroyed hip hop and he is breeding ignorance. Any person (Black person especially) that defends that fucktard should be shot in the face, too. I am sick and tired of that Black asshole trying to pass off shitty rap, utter and complete ignorance and a disregard of…well common sense into a lifestyle. You know what really pisses me off? NIGGAS LIVE AND DIE BY THE WORDS OF THIS FUCKER! I was watching a Common video last Thursday before my interview and all was okay. And then something came on that made me really just want to declare a Holocaust on Blacks. To my one Jew reader I apologize, but I was THAT PISSED OFF. Why in the fuck are niggas in love with this trifling fucking song “I Get Money?!”:

Now for all the people out there that says rap isn’t dead….it SO is. This song has just raped, tea bagged, pissed on and bukkaked the body of rap. After G-Unit performed a little DVDA on the corpse because that’s how them fuckers roll. If you are a fan of this song I hope you die. Seriously, that is “real talk”. This song has no fucking redeeming quality whatsoever and if you think that this is “real hip hop” then you are a real “fucking dipshit” and your death would be a benefit to REAL FANS of rap/hip hop because that would mean one less 50 Cent fan and the fewer of those that live the better for the rest of us normal humans.

People wonder why I get so mad about this. The most even parallel I can think of is someone that has been a baseball fan for years that stopped watching during the homerun barrage of the mid to late 90’s and wondered how people could watch when the game was being disgraced. I have loved rap for as long as I can remember. Hell, I used to watch “Krush Groove”, “Beat Street” and…”Breakin” every day. My catalog of cassettes (yes, cassettes) was comprised of Eric B. and Rakim, Three Times Dope, Kid ‘n’ Play (say what you want, you LOVED “House Party”), BDP and others. Don’t even get me STARTED on the awesomeness that was Public Enemy and NWA. Even though NWA was offensive as all hell, at the core of their rap was activism (police brutality, gang violence, etc.) that went over many people heads because people are stupid. Then, all hell broke loose with the East Coast/West Coast thing (which sucked because there were only ten good rappers out and of that ten only maybe four were involved. Chino XL? Tim Dawg? Not exactly mega-stars) because once again niggas ruin shit for everyone. I could care less what anyone says, hip hop was in critical condition when 2Pac died, the deathbed when Biggie died (I will admit, I wasn’t a major fan of the man but talent is talent) and officially hit flatline with Lauryn Hill winning all those Grammys. That day created a schism in rap that created the bastardized amalgam of “hip hop” we have today which is really just shitty R&B with 16 shittier bars on it. Oh, and Ne-yo singing the hook because any gay song can only get gayer with Ne-yo on it. To top it off, 50 Cent is considered rap which just…violates the grave of rap more than anything.

Which brings me to the recent world which is even WORSE because whenever someone tries something different from the “hip hop norm” it is branded as “gay” or “not real”. Yes…platinum chains are “real hip hop” but embracing the people is not? Fuck you. When Beans called Kanye West “gay” I thought to myself “What gives you the right?” Think about it, nothing in the world is gayer than hip hop. Add it up:

1. Long white shirts, although this has changed to any color now. (Might as well just wear a dress)
2. An over abundance of jewelry (Even thugs need to look pretty)
3. Over-stylized sunglasses (That’s hot…and also gay)
4. An entourage of 5 or more men usually dressed the same (Now THAT’S gang-banging!)
5. Bragging of sexual accomplishments (A blatant cover up for being “teh gay”)
6. Well managed hair (Because even a gangsta is worth it!)
7. Bravado and an overall panache that rivals Liberace (Yeah, now THAT is big pimpin. BIG GAY pimpin)
8. Fur. And lots of it! (I don’t care, fur is queer)

So as hardcore and macho hip hop has become….all these dudes are running around with no shirt on talking about love, money, style and cars. Sounds pretty fruity to me if I say so. And that is coming from someone who has been called gay since middle school so I have experience in traits. The fact is that hip hop is a shell of its former self and I know that the commercialization and the macoddity-ization (A little Dr. Tran humor…) of the genre plays a huge part in it. That has been used to defend the misogyny, the staleness and the overall lack of variety in hip hop for a few years. That is why songs like “I Get Money” are loved because:

1. Niggas are fucking stupid
2. That is sadly all there is.
3. Well, not all there is but all they will PLAY.
4. It is easier to be the norm than to be different.

Wow…hip hop has become high school. Back to my initial argument about 50 Cent needing to die. He is releasing his album on September 11th (Or as I call it the “Tower Crashing Party Time”….still too soon? Like I give a fuck. If Eminem can put a lyric about 9/11 in a DISS SONG then I can make a joke about it) along with Kanye West. As far as I am concerned this is a big day in terms of seeing how worthless people are. Now I am not calling Kanye the second coming of 2Pac in any way shape or form. However, when he keeps his fool mouth shut and makes music he is actually one of the Top 5 out hands down. However, when Fiddy keeps his mouth shut you can’t see his super-sized Master Shake teeth which helps us all out. With 50 Cent you are guaranteed to get the same shit we have heard over the last 4 years:

- Booty
- Bitches
- Bling
- Bullets
- Bentleys (Cars, but I am doing some quasi-alliteration here. Like it so far?)
- Braggadocio
- And…did I mention Booty?

Hell, here is a verse of “I Get Money”:

You can call this my new shit
but it aint new tho
I got rid of my old bitch (Bitches! Three lines in! I am so a genius!)
now I got new hoes (Booty AND bitches? Fiddy is a fucking renaissance man!)
first is was the Benzo
now im in the Enzo, Ferrari, im sorry! (Bentley…err….cars!)
I keep blowin up! (Oh!!)
they call me the cake man (Bling! Well, money but you get the idea)
the strawberry shake man
I spray the AR
make your whole click breakdance
backspin, headspin, flatline, ya dead then
9 shells, Mac-10, (Bullets! Hmm…I sense a pattern)
"who wan get it crackin?!"
I was young, I couldn’t do good
now I cant do bad (Braggadocio! I am ON IT!)
I ride, wreck the new Jag (Mo cars, no originality!)
I just buy the new Jag (Cars again! Nothing like repetition!)
now nigga why you mad?
Oh you can’t do that
im so forgetful, they callin me cocky
I come up out the jeweler, they callin me Rocky
it’s the ice on my neck man, the wrist and my left hand
bling like BLAOW
you like my style
ha ha im headin to the bank right now

Aaaaaaaaaaand that sucked. People think this song is good?! God…the only redeeming quality about that verse is that it ends. Not to say that Kanye is any different but at least he has variety. This is from “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”:

I had a dream I can buy my way to heaven
When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace. (Bling! It never stops!)
I told God I'd be back in a second,
Man It's so hard not to act reckless.
To whom much is given much is tested.
Get arrested, got some chili, get the message.
I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny,
And What I do? Act more stupidly.
Bought More Jewelry, More Louis V, My momma couldn't get through to me.
The drama, people suing me,
I'm on T.V. talking like it's just you and me.
I'm just saying how I feel man,
I ain't one of the Cosby’s I ain’t go to Hill man
I guess the money should've changed him,
I guess I should've forgot where I came From.

First off, it is almost half the length of Fiddy’s verse yet more is said in that than his first album. Also, Kanye has gotten progressively better and his albums seem to have a theme:

College Dropout – Hunger, the want for more for himself and others.
Late Registration – I got success…I’M THE SHIZNIT! Ballin out of control!
Graduation – Oy vey…I am kind of a prick. I need to level my head before I lose my mind.

Now put that in comparison to 50 Cent:

Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ – I GOT SHOT!
The Massacre (How telling, it’s what he did to hip hop) – I GOT MONEY AND I GOT SHOT!
Curtis (Original. Nice theme fucky) – I GOT MO MONEY AND….I GOT SHOT!

With albums from Common, Kanye West, Outkast (rumored) and Talib Kweli (WHAT THE FUCK, MAN! WHERE IS IT?!) this looked like a great year for hip hop to return to…well, not sucking taint. Now with albums from 50 Cent and Nelly coming not only will it suck taint, it will suck the balls as well. Well, better luck next year. Oh, and 50 still needs to fucking die for that movie of his alone.

Well, that was my rant. I was rather pissed and had to get that out. At some point this week I will have a preview of the 2008 Chachi Awards (not until January, but it is a good halfway point to begin the debates!) so stay tuned for that.

Oh, my review of “The Borne Ultimatum”! Well…just know that if you have any kind of motion sickness this movie is NOT FOR YOU! The same problem with the second one plagued this one for a while because that cameraman has Parkinson’s or something. That camera was all over the place. This movie was how you end a non-epic trilogy. Unlike “Return of the King” which was WAY TOO LONG and “Matrix Revelations” which was….wait what in the fuck happened in that movie?! Anyway, it was short, the action sequences were very good (although fewer and a hell of a lot shakier) and Julia Stiles left a rather sizable plot hole but it was pretty good. Nowhere near “Die Hard” in the non-epic action but up there. Overall, it is what it is. An end of summer minor blockbuster that pleases if you can focus your eyes. Chachi gives The Borne Ultimatum….

8 Out Of 10 Stars!
(The camera work will turn off some and annoy others. Past that is a great movie that shows other trilogies how to create some but not TOTAL closure with a series. The performances were surprisingly good as a whole, but no one stood out which was good and bad. All parts put together, a pleasant end of summer surprise.)

Whooo….that was LOOOOONG. I’m going to get some grub and hit the streets. I will be back before Friday. Until then, stay up peeps!

Oh, and Sowelu…I love you:

That noise you just heard was my seventh orgasm because of that video. Damn, Sowelu! Damn you and your tiny Asian hotness!

Chachi Out.

We Have A New King!

Yo yo yo! What it is, bitches?! I am back and it is totally Friday! I havent been paid yet (something that is TOTALLY pissing me off being Friday) but it’s no biggie. Besides, its time for the Friday staple!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

Let’s get this started!

20. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #17)
It looks like after a short run in the Top 10, Daddy Yankee and Fergie are on their way off the Countdown. Not a bad showing for his first time out, and hopefully a new video will be coming from him pretty soon.
19. Chamillionare – Hip Hop Police (New Entry)

Wow…hip hop actually isnt SUCKING ASS in 2007! Despite the best efforts of 50 Cent (“I Get Money” may have officially ended the Civil Rights Movement. I feel for him…maybe a beating Rodney King style is nessecary) Chamillionare actually has given us a good video with a great single. Cops do target rappers and sometimes rightfully so. However, Young MC got pulled over yesterday with a gun but he lives in the woods and has to hunt his own food. Because he is broke. Welcome to the Countdown, Chamillionare!
18. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #14, Three weeks at #1)
NEW VIDEO FROM MAROON 5! You know it is going to be on here as soon as I get a good look at it. Until then, this former #1 video looks on its way out after a pretty dominant performance.
17. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (Last Week #20)
The World is back! This video has steadly been growing on me (Probably moreso next week when I lose my mind for not having anything to really do) especially with the suckitude that is American videos lately. I’m sorry, I am still pissed off about “I Get Money”. You see, shit like this is why Barack Obama will never be President. Deep down, white people fear spinning rims on the Presidental limo and video hoes on Air Force One. And after shit like this, rightfully so.
16. FLOW - Answer (Last Week #18)
FLOW moves up another two spots this week with their latest video. They have been gone for a minute and with rock…sucking it dry, it’s good to have something to listen to and watch.
15. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #12, One week at #1)
I could care less what anyone says, this is one of the most kick ass videos of the year. If you like ANY kind of guitar and you arent down for this then you are a communist. There, I said it.
14. Gym Class Heroes – Clothes Off (Last Week #15)

The summertime jam moves up one spot this week. Despite the annoyance I had with “Cupid’s Chokehold” I am really liking this video. Not only that, I have said it once and I will say it again that nothing beats a good 80’s sample.
13. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #16)
Well, well, well. It looks like ANOTHER John Legend video is creeping into the Top 10. So far he has the first #1 of 2007 (“Heaven”) and arguably the biggest video of the year (“P.D.A. [We Just Don’t Care]” which was #1 for a month) so he could be looking at two straight years as the winner of Chachi’s Artist of the Year. Now THAT’S big pimpin’.
12. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #13)
You know, Kanye is looking at his third Top Ten video this year with no album until September. Not too shabby. I hear this video is on ALL THE TIME but since I avoid MTV I rarely see these videos (I mainly download them) so I havent gotten annoyed by this one yet.
11. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #9)
Big things falling! T.I. falls another two spots this week and out of the Top 10! Supposedly there is a new video soon (Hope it isnt “Touchdown” because that song is rather sub-par) so I will keep the peeps posted. Until then, onto the Top 10!
10. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 11)

We are into the Top 10 and this is a pleasant surprise. AI is back in the Top 10 for the first time in over a year! Can she post her second #1 video? We will have to see! I LOVE this song now (Finally got the single. Goooooood stuff) and I am totally looking forward to her album.
9. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #5, Plunge of the Week)
From the runner up spot to the bottom of the top. Foxxi MisQ falls a big four spots this week out of the Top 5. Despite the Spice Girls look to the group, “Gloss” is actually a pretty good album. I can’t put them up there with En Vogue, Brownstown and Wilson Phillips (HOOOOOLD ON!) but they run circles around their current competition (Danity Kane? Puh-lease!).
8. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #10)
Yeah, you knew they would be up here. What can I say, kilts rock harder than any other outfit out there. This video is good stuff.
7. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #8)

Say hello to the new ringtone! Yes, I am straight.I don’t care, I like this video. Now I havent watched the new “Powerpuff Girls Z” anime (Not really new, but I still havent seen it) but the show has some bad ass themes (Nana Kitade, Hearts Grow, etc.) so I may check it out. Or not, I didn’t really like the original.
6. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #7)
Is it hot in here? Or is it just Gackt?Oh yeah….it’s Gackt. One step away from the Top Five, Gackt gives us an epic video. This song feels like something straight out of “300” and you KNOW how I feel about that movie. Just too hot to concentrate.
5. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #3) [Four Weeks at #2]
After a full month at #2, Yui falls two more spot this week. Havent heard about anything new from Yui on the single or video front which is saddening because I loves me some Yui…so much.
4. Common – The People (Last Week #7)
Common makes the biggest leap in the Top 10, making a bid for the top spot! “Finding Forever” is in stores now so PICK IT UP! It is pure hip hop goodness no matter what magazines say. Try something that isnt “Bitches, Bling and Ballin” and something is wrong with you in their eyes. Screw them, Common is good stuff. Now, to the surprise of the week…
3. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #1, Four weeks at #1)

After a month at the top, UGK could not break the records of John Legend and nobodyknows+ and get that fifth week. Falling to #3, this video is still bad ass and hopefully the album will be just as good. We are down to two videos and we have a new #1!
2. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #4)

Foxxi MisQ has a second chance at #1! After “Luxury Ride” stalled out at #3 for two weeks (Behind the juggernaught of Yui/UGK) and fell, this video has a chance to get them the crown. This song is quite nice and the video is…REEEEAL NICE.Well, with the ladies at #2, we now know who is at #1…
1. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #2, One week at #1)

FUCK YES! After a long and patient trip, Hyde and the boys finally take do what Yui could not: unseat the Underground Kings. L’Arc~en~Ciel has had an established career and this video is just the icing on the cake. Not that anyone reads this but at least I care. Congratulations on your first #1 video!

Well, that is all for now. Tune in next Friday to see if L’Arc~en~Ciel can hold on for a second week! Or can Foxxi MisQ shake their booties up to #1? Or can UGK take back the throne? Don’t forget about Common, Gackt and Hearts Grow! See you next Friday!

Come to SoDo’s tonight for Teq’s record release party! It’s going to be the best Negro Day ever!

Chachi Out.

Praise Chachi! He Has Returned!

What is up peeps?! I am back in this biz-natch and ready to drop the knowledge! It has been a minute since I posted (the Countdown last Friday was the last time I was up) and I have totally missed you guys. Oh, and a hello to Roxanne from Jpop n Kpop who should be back from vacation today! Lucky….

As some of you know, I no longer work at The Pack. I knew it was temporary but it was still rather chickenshit how it ended in a way. Eh, live and learn. I start my new job on August 14th (so next week is all goofing off and catching up on anime) barring a positive drug test (It could happen, I can’t be held accountable for all my wheelings and dealings) and I have some other interviews this week and hopefully next. So needless to say, the Chachi is at a crossroads…at twenty-six. Wow, I am like 15 years or so ahead of my mid-life crisis. Well, last weekend was the best movie weekend since last year with both "Snakes On A Plane" and "Accepted" being seen in one weekend. So today I give you a late...

MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD: ULTIMATE WEEKEND EDITION!

This Week: The Simpsons Movie & Hairspray!

So a quick wrap up of last weekend. For those of you that have not seen The Simpsons Movie…go see it! It is that damn funny. They got the original writers back so gone is the “meh” humor of the last six seasons or so and back is the side-splitting hilarity of the seasons of our youth. The movie was funny the whole way through and in an odd (but good) move, they focused only on the Simpsons family (and the Flanders’s’s’s) which left out a lot of characters plot-wise. I would have liked to have seen more Ralph Wiggum and Groundskeeper Willy, but it was better that way.

The only bad thing about The Simpsons Movie is that it moved a tad bit too fast. An extra ten minutes would have been great (Kind of like the first Spiderman. You waited so long for the movie that even if it was a bit long you could accept that. Superman Returns went WAAAAAY too far with that assumption) but like I said, that is nitpicking. This is the second funniest movie of the year (The irreverence of ATHFCMFFT cannot and will not be topped) and fan or not, you will enjoy yourself. If you are one of the five people that have NOT seen or do NOT like the show, much like the humor in ATHFCMFFT, you will not like this movie. But I did, so bite me. My blog, my rules. I DID have to dock a half a point for the nudity, but that won’t ruin it. I give “The Simpsons Movie”…

9.5 Out Of 10 Stars!!
(A funny ride for fans of the movie, a heap of “what the hell is going on” for those that aren’t. The plot moves quickly so you better not blink, but once again that is in the vein of the show so it was to be expected. Trust me, you will enjoy yourself.)

Next we have “Hairspray”. I don’t care, I like musicals. I have been excited for this movie for a long time, as I love the musical and had a few songs on my iPod for a while. The simple fact about this movie is that it is the HOTTEST MOVIE IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA!! First, we have the hottest bishie of 2007 in Zac Efron:

Can you say D-R-E-A-M-Y? Secondly was James Marsden who proved that Hugh Jackman isn’t the only X-Man that can cut a rug!

Cyclops? More like DANCE-CLOPS! Okay, that wasn’t fucking funny. You get the idea. Combine that with the fine, Fine, FINE ASS Amanda Bynes (My god…to be the roast beef in an Amanda Bynes/Zac Efron sandwich. Now THAT is what’s for dinner!), a dance number with Christopher Walken (W00T! The Walken singing and dancing!), Queen Latifah not pissing me the hell off and John Travolta FINALLY embracing the transvestite inside and we have….the best movie of the year so far. I said it. Maybe even better than “300”. I mean the hotness factor is about even because put Efron and Marsden in loin cloths and give them spears and they can protect my borders ANYTIME. Whooo, sexual innuendo!

Now this only problem I could find with this movie is that is isn’t for everyone. Musicals are not everyone’s cup-o-tea so much like “The Producers” (WHICH ROCKED) people with not want to see it because it includes singing and dancing. Even still, if you are going to let that keep you from seeing three legitimate Oscar worthy performances (Nikki Blonsky as Tracy Turnblat as Best Actress, Zac Efron as a Supporting Actor and Michelle Phiffer as Supporting Actress. Hell, Travolta and Latifah were great as well and the Walken was the Walken) and the best dance sequence since “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off”:

Then you are going to miss out. I guess I have to go the full monty for the best movie season I can remember…

10 Out of 10 Stars!
(Hell, seeing cutie Zac Efron in a suit was enough for me. Add in a great soundtrack, awesome dance numbers and surprisingly exceptional performances and you have arguably the best movie of 2007. Once again, musicals aren’t everyone’s bag so if you aren’t a fan this could help change that. Great movie. I wish it was Negro Day EVERYDAY! Priceless.)

Okay, since I have a two week break, I have been just kind of hanging out and watching movies. One movie I could never find here was “Jesus Camp”. Mainly because Colorado Springs LOVES the Jebus and does NOT want a film that shows batshit crazy Evangelicals as being…well, batshit crazy:

This documentary was a tad on the special end. By special I mean fucking nuts. I have said it many times I am not anti-religion, I am anti-conversion. The consensus thought is that we as people will FIND God, not God will have his followers scare or insult us into following him/her/it. These people are going about it the wrong way. What I am about to say will blow your fucking mind. I said this in an interview once and I honestly believe that it cost me the job to one person (and actually ended up GETTING me the job from the other). When asked “How would you get your reps to work for you?” I responded:

Well, as a manager of people my reps don’t work for me. I work for THEM. I work for them by making sure they can be the best employees they can be by giving them direction, leadership and in some cases making sure they follow the set rules. I believe that by working for them the best I can they will in turn work for me by doing the best job possible on their end.”

One person LOVED the answer (She hired me) and the other person HATED the answer (He actually left in a fricking huff, it was hilarious). Now because I am a fucktard I took the job at HP instead but that always stuck with me. That line is in essence one of the reasons that I am so against religious people.

I should not have to spread the word of God. God is like crack, you don’t have to sell God because the belief sells. All God should have to do is be their to guide people in their life via anecdotes and common sense. Not forced upon us with fear and coercion. Watching “Jesus Camp” the fact that these people believe that Bush was “chosen” by God and that Creationism should be near ANYONE in any way shape or form shows that it’s not the word; the problem lies in the follower.

Religion belongs in the church. Maybe the home. Let me correct that: YOUR HOME. Religion should not be in places where masses gather (schools, government buildings, sporting events, the mall, etc.) because not everyone is YOUR RELIGION. That goes for all of you. Christians (All 736 denominations of you including Mormons and Catholics. You all follow a crappy remake of an awesome book, like following the remake of Godzilla over the original), Muslims (Don’t blow people up because we don’t believe what you do. It’s fucking petty and fucks up property values), Jews and anyone else that feels the need to push your religion on people and try to make you nation a religious nation. I have never once been harassed by a Buddhist or a Daoist and been told I’m going to Hell because I won’t take their poorly printed flyer. I am SURE God can afford a plotter or at LEAST a high end Epson printer. I’m just saying.

Long story short, people like the Evangelicals in “Jesus Camp” are why people fight so hard AGAINST religion. If you let people find God on their own they will be less likely to resist because they don’t feel forced. Religion is not about blind belief, it is about suspended faith. You follow the stories of the Bible because they are good as anecdotes; ways to life you life. You don’t BLIEVE the Bible because you are scared to go to Hell if you don’t. The stories don’t make sense and they contradict at every turn if you look at it logically. If you look at it as what it is; a poorly constructed book of short stories you can pull out of it good ways to live. Just living righteously as the Bible SAYS should be enough to get into “heaven” for God. If it isn’t, then maybe it aint worth going to heaven. Just a thought.

Yeah, the Deuce is back. No update tomorrow as I will be busy all fricking day but hopefully some good should come out of it. Also, be sure to check out Teqnyc’s album release party at Sodo’s on S. Tejon on Friday! I will be there and hopefully niggas won’t wild out. I really cannot afford to be shot right now, things are looking up. Stay up, Countdown on Friday and the Borne Ultimatum on Saturday!

Chachi Out.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow. Except For Right Now. Kiss My ASS, PACK!

What is up, peeps?! It’s Friday and it is officially my last day at the Pack, so in a way I am muy trieste. However, I have a job offer (granted I pass the sure to be failed drug test) and had two interviews for jobs so things arent too bad. Besides, you know what its time for!

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a new video from a Countdown legend!

20. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (New Entry)

IT IS ABOUT FRICKING TIME!! UVERworld is back with a new single and video! Now I know they had “Endscape” out but I really wasn’t a fan of it. This is getting back up to the levels of “Shamrock” in terms of quality. Welcome back!
19. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #16)
So I just got “Orange” and “Range” which is their dual disc greatest hits collection and I must say I enjoyed what I heard so far. The FIRST TIME, but still. This was a kick ass summer tune, but with August comes the end of summer and looks to be the end of their run.
18. FLOW - Answer (Last Week #20)
I am pretty sure the peeps aren’t excited but I am really looking forward to a new FLOW album sometime soon. You know, Naruto: Shippuuden is in need of a new theme in six or seven episodes, could they have their THIRD opening theme for Naruto? Not going to lie, that would kick ass (with the show doing the exact opposite).
17. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #14)
Looks like the only “Impacto” that Daddy Yankee is making is the impact of his video falling three places. Here is hoping for a new video soon, I always kind of liked Daddy Yankee.
16. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #19)
Another day, another John Legend video on the Countdown. You know, he is officially the Countdown King. I said it. Yui and Nelly Furtado are battling it out for the title of Queen, but John Legend has this on LOCKDOWN. This song is summer madness (Will Smith, fools!) and the video is cool to boot. Good year for the Legend.
15. Gym Class Heroes – Clothes Off (Last Week #17)

Yeah, you know it. This song is officially the ringtone (Once I figure out how to SEND THEM!). I also just realized that Gym Class Heroes were in “Snakes on a Plane”! Or at least the music video at the end of the movie. Man, that movie kicked so much as. Screw America for not seeing it.
14. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #11, Three weeks at #1)
The former Countdown champs fall three more spots this week. I just got word that a new video is coming soon, and once it comes you will be the first to know. I still like this video and I still would pay out the ASS for a Duran Duran/Maroon 5 show.
13. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #17)
Okay, I know a lot of people don’t like Kanye. Well, I am kind of in that boat and kind of not. I like him about 80% of the time. That last 20% makes me want to fucking kill him. I mean seriously he angers the hell out of me sometimes. Other times, he is my favorite rapper. It is quite the conundrum.
12. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #9, One week at #1)

The rockingest song of 2007 finally falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since April. Although TM isn’t a new artist, I am considering nominating Abingdon Boys School for the Chachi Award for Best New Artist. Any arguments? Didn’t think so.
11. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 13)
Wow, I just got this single (The non-PV rip) and I must say this song is better studio style. The video moves up right outside the Top 10 this week and rightfully so. It is a fun summer video and a great summertime jam. Can AI get her second Top 10? We’ll see!
10. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #12)
Well look who it is! The second video from Abingdon Boys School’s upcoming album has given them their second Top 10 video. This song is great for an AMV for the upcoming Nan Desu Kan but I don’t have the mad AMV skills. Even still, good stuff.
9. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #5)
After a week in the Top 5, T.I. falls four big spots this week. He has a new video coming soon (Not “You Know What It Is”) so I am looking forward to that. Hopefully, it will be a little more inspired because the first two videos didn’t match the awesomeness of “Bring Em Out” or “What You Know”.
8. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #10)
Yay! I officially am in love with this song. I get the looks when I have the song playing with the windows down and even WEIRDER looks when I watch the video at work. I don’t care, this song is good old fashioned j-pop goodness.
7. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #8)

If there were a question of how hot is too hot…Gackt would be that answer. This video moves up a spot this week and the heat is burning up the rest of the videos. I need this hard drive, dude!
6. Common – The People (Last Week #7)
Common moves up another spot this week, holding it down for hip hop in the Top 10. So I got “Finding Forever” and here is the update: it is not as good as “Be”. Keep in mind that “Be” was the best album of 2005 so it is hard to match that. Even though it is a drop-off, it is still one of the best full albums of the year. If you like hip hop, give it a whirl.
5. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #3)
Oh no! After two weeks at #3 (Yui will do that to you) Foxxi MisQ falls two spots! Can I just say that Dem is hot? Did I say that this week? Because if I didn’t…she’s hot. I am talking by the fire hot. Hells yeah.
4. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #6)

Yay! Foxxi MisQ joins UVERworld as the only artist to have two videos in the Top 5! I am liking this video a lot more than “Luxury Ride” solely for the reason that…well Dem looks hot. Sue me, I likes what I likes. And I likes me some Dem. Scantily clad j-urban groups do this to me.
3. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #2) [Four Weeks at #2]

After a full month at #2, Yui falls to #3 this week. If this holds, she will not tie John Legend with three consecutive #1 videos. That has nothing to do with the quality of “My Generation”. Any other time, this video is #1 hands down but there are two bigger videos this week. Great run so far, though!
2. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #4)

You better believe it! The Aerosmith of J-Rock is one step away from taking their first #1 video! I just heard their second single (It is a radio rip so the quality is “meh”) and needless to say I am rather impressed. I have been a fan of L’Arc~en~Ciel for about 10 years (give or take) and this spot is well deserved because they rawk and this video rules! However, they still cant dethrone the champ…
1. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #1, Four weeks at #1)

UGK and Outkast don’t slip! They fight off Yui and hold on to the #1 spot for a full month! That ties them with nobodyknows+ (Heroes Come Back!) and John Legend (P.D.A.“We Just Don’t Care”) for the longest reign of 2007! That is quite an accomplishment, as it is also the first hip hop video at #1 since “Top Back Remix” by T.I. in February. Been quite a run, guys! Hells yeah!

That is all for this Friday. Tune in next week to see if UGK can do what nobodyknows+ and John Legend could not and make it a FIFTH week at #1! Or can Hyde and the boys finally get their well deserved #1 spot? Or can Yui be the first aside from….UVERworld to pull and UVERworld and take over the Top Spot? See you here next Friday! I am off to see “The Simpson’s Movie”!

Chachi Out.

Are You Ready For Some Football Bullshit?!

FUCK THE BCS!!

So after finishing 13-0 and winning the Big 12 Championship Game 38-24 over #5 Texas…I finish #3 in the BCS. Behind MICHIGAN (FUCKING MICHIGAN!) and UCLA who are both 13-0 granted but they DID NOT play the schedule I did!

This is MY Schedule (Ranking are the Final Coaches Top 25 Polls):

Colorado State 59-14 (6-5)
@ #23 Ohio State 40-7 (8-4)
Florida State 34-31 OT (7-6)
#13 Oklahoma 33-7 (9-3)
@ Baylor 82-21 (3-8)
@ Kansas State 29-10 (6-5)
Kansas 48-0 (4-8)
@ Texas Tech 65-17 (4-8)
Missouri 62-34 (8-4)
@ Iowa State 45-21 (4-8)
Navy 48-27 (8-4)
#8 Nebraska 39-25 (10-2)
#9 Texas 38-24 (11-2)

First off, unlike Michigan I didn’t play teams without a fucking name (FCS Southwest? What the fuck, at least I played a god damn service academy!) and I CRUSHED Ohio State AT HOME which doesn’t happen unless you are Wisconsin (which I don’t get but hey, who am I to judge). As for shitty ass UCLA…

UCLA?!

First off, I could have beat Notre Dame. I could have beaten UTAH. Instead I played REAL SCHOOLS. Fucking pussies. Hell, even HAWAII got an at-large bid. HA-FUCKING-WHY-EE?! This game is bullshit. Don’t even get me STARTED on the underthrown passes and the offensive linemen that phase through defensive tackles. So now, instead of playing for a National Championship in the climate controlled Superdome (they fixed it) I have to go to fucking hot ass Arizona for the Fiesta Bowl against USC. Yeah, that’s fair.

Eat my ass, BCS. Eat it good.

Fight The Power! Unless...You Know, He's Bigger Than You. Then You Negotiate.

It's times like this that I wonder why in the hell news outlets exist:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/24/tsa.incidents/index.html

Listen, I couldn’t give a flying fuck about national security because if we cant stop a bunch of undersexed, highly irritable, suicide obsessed, misguided fanatics (not Muslims, FAN-AT-TICKS) from running planes into building then maybe we aren’t as advanced as of a country as we thought. Israel has had terrorism for years, not ONE KNOCKED DOWN BUILDING. We have had three (although one was kind of done by a crazy WHITE GUY, which is TOTALLY different than a crazy Moroccan and Saudi Arabian).

I am so sick of people trying to make me scared of every-fucking-thing because terrorists could strike at any moment. If you believe that then you are a fucking moron. Two attacks in 230+ years isn’t a bad average, quit being such pussies. Quit being such naïve fuckers acting like it can’t happen here because it can and it will because you can’t stop crazy and for the most part…TERRORISTS ARE CRAZY! Living in a culture of fear and blowing up everything at the first sign of an Arab isn’t going to fix JACK SHIT. Be fucking smart, not paranoid. There is a definite difference.

Now I have been called Un-American because of my non-hatred (Which to r-tards equals support) for Muslims (Well, not as much support for Muslims as much as a distain for fucktards) during this time where we all must have a UNIFIED FRONT OF HATE AND STUPIDITY (Trademark pending)! I don’t hate people for one a few do; I take it up with the individuals. Getting pissed off at a whole group of people because of something a few do isn’t patriotism, its prejudiced and overall stupid. I know I rail on the Jews but at the end of the day, they killed Jesus. Name one thing more hardcore than letting the “son of God” (BULLLLSHIIIIIIIIIIIT!) get nailed like Ashlynn Brooke (She’s hot for a blond, I must say) and truly not giving a flying fuck? I am saying it now: Jews rule. I mean I SAY “fuck Jesus” like Jim Jones says “BALLIN!” but they MEAN that shit. They feel about Jesus like I feel about Rich Boy: Meh.

Back to the point, people need to get off of this whole “Culture of Fear” bullshit. If you leave the house and you are afraid of terrorists then you are the biggest fucking idiot ever. I mean EVER. I am more scared of Blacks, taxes, rednecks, jailbait (DAMN YOU, HAYDEN!), piss-poor drivers and bros than I am of some non-masturbating, eternally bitter fanatic. I think its funny how that when Muslims “kill for their religion” its insanity but when Christians do it, it’s “righteous”. So unless you are:

- Buddhist (Solely because Buddha was cool when I left the group in 1999. He understood I had solo dreams)
- Taoist (Big ups to Chairman Tao! I kid, I kid)
- Atheist (Now this one was difficult because some fucktards believe that Taoists and Buddhists are atheists because the believe in a personal savior rather than a deity. In the end, anyone that gives the finger to organized religion is okay by me.)
- Jewish (They may be crazy bastards like the rest, but at least they were the FIRST crazy bastards.)

Shut the fuck up! Keep Jesus out of my politics and keep 9/11 out of my election. Get over it, it was going to happen at some point because that’s what happens when you fuck with crazy people. They do crazy shit, you saw “What’s Love Got To Do With It”.

Now onto something else that has been bugging me for minute. I watched some of the Republican debates on Fox News because I hate myself and I am totally a fan of Ron Paul now. Mainly because he smacked down Rudy Giuliani using our own intelligence:

But once again, Americans have 9/11 up their ass so because he isn’t down for the war he is against the troops.

Okay, everyone knows my stance: I am against the war AND against the troops because if Army, Navy and Air Force can’t beat Notre Dame how can they beat Al Qaeda? They run a spread option; you know how hard it is to stop that shit?! Ask Ohio State and Oklahoma! I am NOT going to explain that joke, watch some college football. In all seriousness, I do not support the war (not like it fucking matters) and I will voice my disapproval since I have no say in whether or not we send troops to conflict. Going to war with Iraq was pointless because:

1. Bigger threats to deal with. Well, not necessarily BIGGER as to say imminent. Iran and North Korea are and were more threatening than Iraq. Hell, Venezuela was more of a threat!
2. That region sucks. Fuck the Middle East. There, I said it. Israel needs to just fucking move out. It’s like the family that refuses to leave because the neighborhood has gone downhill and the property value has dropped. Sometimes it’s best to chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. We are not a religious nation (Despite what Jerry Falwell and others would say), but the Middle East is a religious region. We should NOT EVER get involved…period.
3. Terrorism happens. Hell, 9/11 wasn’t the first attack on American soil. It was the first of most massive destruction but that is what five years of planning will do for you. It has been going on in countries as long as I can remember and being overseas for my childhood and early teens I heard about attacks everyday. People say that isn’t a good view, but it is logical. If someone hates you, they will get to you. And why do they hate us? Reason four…
4. Do Unto Others and Blah Blah Blah. Think of it like this: if Canada started building Air Force bases in Jefferson County, Missouri would Mormons be pissed? If France just decided to build an Army facility (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…whooooo) right next to The Vatican, you think the Catholics would take two seconds to stop sodomizing young boys to consult the scrolls and get all indignant? The answer is yes. Religion makes people stupid, flat out. So the United States building military installations on THEIR holy land is how different? It is just as stupid in my opinion but if you don’t respect others religious beliefs you can’t get upset when they get all pissy right back. And to you moronic shits that say that 9/11 isn’t justification for a few military bases: no shit. They are crazy, and that’s how crazy rolls.

Add in the fact that there is no (sensible, anyway) link to Al Queda in Iraq previous to the invasion, no weapons of mass destruction (the reason we went in the first place) and no real…PLAN TO WIN THIS THING and I would say that the US and A is in quite the dilly of a pickle.

Oh, and to people pissed about people voting for Bush against Kerry in 2004 you must realize one thing. It wasn’t about the worthlessness of Kerry or the popularity (RIGHT) of Bush. It was about the feeling of Americans deep down that we are all bitches. I will say this one last mother-fucking time:

“With great power comes great responsibility”

Name ONE PRESIDENT in the last…60 years or so that has really believed that? Lil Bush fuck-faced the Constitution, Clinton face-fucked interns, Bush face-fucked world politics and Reagan face-fucked…everyone that wasn’t White. Fuck Reagan. Oh, and Carter was face-fucked by a bunny. It all breaks down with the fact that we as Americans don’t want the power OR responsibility of deciding what to do so we leave it into the hands of our elected officials. Well, not like a representative democracy gives us much of a CHOICE but you get the idea. We have the power to voice our opinions and not be shot at (unless you went to Kent State but that was hippies so…I’ll allow it) but at the same time…no one ever says anything of value? Is Fox News really helping by slanting everything to the right? Are CNN and every shitty celebrity helping by slanting everything to the left? Is MSNBC helping by…sucking? NO. The more you think for yourself, the more you realize that the news isn’t shaping your views but since Americans are lazy and stupid (I will admit to lazy, but I didn’t go through three years of grade school to be called stupid) they base what they believe off of fake news and fake texts. Like…Fox News and the Bible? CNN and the Necronomicon? The Daily Show and Mad Magazine?

I have noticed that as I have begun to analyze candidates and issues based on how I feel rather than what I see on TV (since high school-ish timeframe) I have realized that I despise a two party system. People say it isn’t, but logic cannot be denied:

1. Americans are People.
2. People are stupid. 3. Stupid people are easily swayed.
4. Easily swayed people watch Cable TV.
5. Cable TV has all the news channels.
6. All news channels have agendas.
7. Agendas equal propaganda to push there message.
8. Propaganda is used to persuade the stupid.
9. People are stupid.
10. Americans are people.
11. Americans are stupid.

If all is true, I guess Americans are persuaded by Cable TV propaganda because they are stupid.
Now, if the above is true and those news channels are pushing their agenda they need to only have one enemy. Mainly because they only can give “news” in 22 minute blocks broken up by 2 minute commercial intervals because Americans can’t focus on anything for more that 7 minutes at a time not called Halo. They do that by finding the party that the most people align themselves with and shoving it as far down our throats they can without killing us. Every vote counts, especially since so few of you FUCKING VOTE. So why are we a two party system?

People sacrifice some of their issues and vote for the lesser evil. People sacrifice free-thought to be a Conservative (Yeah, keep your shitty Jesus out of my election. Thaaaaaanks). They sacrifice common sense to be a liberal (The government caused 9/11? Our government can’t make kill Fidel Castro and that dude is almost dead by natural causes). We all sacrifice our civil liberties for the illusion of national safety. We are asked to give up our right to speak out against the war with the threat of being against the troops. I don’t believe in sacrifice when it comes to rights. My family didn’t get all those ass-whoopins and hoses for me to not vote for the candidate that fits me most.

This isn’t one of those call-to-actions that I do every now and then. I really just want people to not watch cable TV. First off, unless it is Adult Swim or Comedy Central it sucks. Second off, it is all rather slanted so you don’t learn anything. It’s like trying to learn to drive by playing “Mario Kart”. I mean you CAN do that, but is it the best route to go about it if you want to not get pulled over or hit with a shell? The internet has MORE options, albeit slanted. All I ask of you is to get yo’ learn on. Figure out a candidate that fits what you believe are the key aspects of a president and will address the issues that you feel are pressing. And for those that say “what this president does and says doesn’t effect my world” will remember that when you taxes are 52%, gas is $5.03 a gallon, all work has been outsourced to Costa Rica and the Chinese have Army bases in Castle Rock. That kind of thinking is what a-holes prey on. Don’t forget:

“Indifference is more damaging than ignorance because being indifferent feeds the ability for people to remain that way.”

I will be back to the funny rants and stuff next time. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.

Bro-ing Out In CSP.

I’m back, fishes! Pretty good weekend on this end. Had to spend a little extra with the modem for the Internet and paying extra on bills just in case shit hits the fan and I have to go back to pimping teen prostitutes to make ends meet. I really don’t want to go upside a bitches’ head…but I will to feed my manga habit.

So on Friday, Zach and I went to Blondies (FUCK! Wasn’t I boycotting them?!) and I did what I do best: people watch and have the ladies avoid me. Yeah, it’s a skill. The part that sucked about the evening was the “Bro-Bomb” that exploded downtown. You know, as much as I despise Bros (right above Thugs, Dumb Women and Rednecks) they are the most hilarious and interesting to observe. Using my non-verbal communication skills and my uber-awesome sense of what is lame I was able to come to a conclusion that may change the power structure of men and women (or at least Bros and other Bros) as we know it. Peeps, after extensive monitoring and research I have found that…

Bros Are The New Chick.

I know you think I am crazy, as did Zach when I told him. Really put everything about Bros into perspective. When you hash it all out, they are totally the lesser species.

FACT: Bros Reek Of Non-Conformist Conformity

Much like women, Bros require Non-Conformist Conformity. Contradiction if terms, you say? Well, look at Bros. They all dress and look the same. Polo shirt with the collar flipped up, vintage (un-ironed) shorts, sandals and an AE hat turned backward for street cred. Prove me wrong. Oh, sometimes they go for the business look and wear some khakis…with the same sandals. They have stores specifically targeted toward them and they are mass marketed (American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, Old Navy…and like eight or so others) which is the epitome of Non-Conformist Conformity. What is Individual Conformity? It’s when people believe they are being individuals by embracing and following the norm. What is more individualistic than being just like everyone else? Hell, Bros are more Non-Conformist Conformists than EMO KIDS! At least Emo Kids have some cool music; Bro-Tunes SUCK ASS. Simple fact is that all Bros dress, think and act alike even though there are subsets of the Bro-Culture (another post altogether). Oh, and those wondering how women fall into Non-Conformist Conformity…watch the Disney Channel, Bratz, MTV or go to the club. No matter the age, most women need to be different by being just like everyone else. Let that marinate. Keep in mind I’m not saying ALL but if you cannot rationalize that statement odds are you are guilty of it; at some point we all are just Bros more than others.

Fact: Bros Get Touchy When They Are Drunk

This I have seen (and almost been a victim of in college, actually) first hand and I must say it is SCARY! When Bros get drunk, they lose their inhibitions (Just like women and DON’T DARE SAY THAT IS FALSE) and begin to open up their personal space and erogenous boundaries. The problem is, much like women do with men sometimes, it is a same sex party. I witnessed three Bros move women out of the way to dance with another Bro. To MADONNA. I mean if that doesn’t scream gay then I don’t know what the hell does. Bros also touch total strangers (only dudes, though) and say things like “Dude, are we cool?” out of the blue as they gaze at you longingly (no shit, it happened to me at Thirsty Parrot and I was scared). Much like a woman will grab you and with her drunken gaze ask “Am I pretty?” to which I reply “Well, in Buddha’s eyes, we are all pretty” to which I get a confused look that is a Pyrrhic victory for me. Long story short, Bro’s are drunkenly looking to find someone to “Bro Out” with much like chicks are looking for someone to drunkenly “Whore Out” with. Man, I need to write a book.

FACT: Bros Are Attention Whores

Oy…where do I start with this one? When both are drunk:

Women: I AM SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW!
Bros: I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW!

See a parallel? Let’s go again. When both are drunk and hear a marginally popular song:

Women: Oh, this is my song! SHAWTY LET ME BUY YO’ DRAAAAAAANK!
Bros: Shaaaaaa, it’s the Doctor! LA-DEE-DA-DEE-DA! IT’S THE MUTHERFUCKIN D-R-E!

Still not convinced? When confronted about their sexual behavior:

Women: Wha-eva! I am NOT A WHORE!
Bros: Fuck you, bro! I am NOT GAY! No homo over here!

You get the idea. Both women and Bros have to be the center of attention at all times. This has been scientifically proven by me on several occasions whether it be the blowing off of women at the club when I am in conversation (Rick and I did that a couple of times at the Giggly Grizzly and The Loft) and them subsequently getting upset or thinking I and whoever I am with are gay. Also note the pole dancing, the kissing of other women but not being gay, and of course the grinding for no reason. Bros are the loudest, most obnoxious A-holes in the building and usually grind up on women or EACH OTHER while making sure that everyone knows that Bro Phi Bro is in the place to be and they go UCCS Uni-Ver-Si-Tee. If women don’t respond they call her a “bitch” or whatever word in their limited vocabulary they can think to call a woman. Sound familiar? They want the attention, but on their own terms. All the power, none of the responsibility. Yeah, circular reasoning; no holes in my logic.

FACT: Bros Are Totally Insecure

Now this was a difficult one to observe since Bros (much like women) are all sound and fury signifying nothing. Women will say that they don’t need no man and they don’t take shit from anyone…yet will be in a relationship with someone even they call worthless. Behind all that ego and false female pride is an insecure woman that sticks with an unwanted situation because she is afraid of being alone. Now Bros are a different animal because in this case they are more like Emo-kids or Goths. I rarely see Bros by themselves at all and when I do their bravado is turned down to zero. Also, I knew Bros in college and when it was just he and I you wouldn’t even know that he was a bro. But get him at the Ritz or Rumbay and he lost his mind because it was all about the Bro-jamins, baby! A friend of mine (Ethan) in my Women’s Studies and Gerontology classes’ Junior year was a dude that you would never know was a “Bro” because he despised other Bros. He even told me one thing that really made me think:

“The fake-ass Bros here are a step below the Emo-kids because at least the Emo-kids have something they stand for, albeit stupid. A real “Bro” doesn’t call himself a “bro” any-damn way. A “Bro” is just someone who is for everyone understanding each other. Like…hell, hippies that bathe. True Bros don’t call themselves “Bro”, they call everyone else Bro because we are all brothers as in family no matter what your race, religion or gender, man.” (Note: He used to get high…a lot. Deep stuff, he was my road dog since Freshman year)

Ethan and I used to get food in the break 2 hour between the Ethnic Studies and Gerontology classes with some females from the morning Women’s Studies class and debate about stuff like this and you know what? We never lost. Because they ALL dated Bros (Even worse they were “G.I. Bros” which are one of the worst of the worst. I’ll have a post on the kinds of Bros at some point for fun) and when asked why they even STATED it was insecurity of leaving them because they fear what is out there. Ethan (who knew Bros, he was like a Bro Obi-Wan in Wisconsin where he transferred from) even explained that Bros are insecure about being seen as “punks” by women so they act like jerkasses and that some were just born A-holes and becoming a obnoxious Bro was just easy. Just like women who gave it up in high school so when they got to college they said “Well, cant get off the Ho-Train now!” God, I’m going to die alone at this rate.

That is that. Bros are the Chicks of 2007. Now don’t go getting all pissy. Not all women constantly display the four aforementioned traits but from what I have observed and have been told to me, these are the consistent attitudes of women and they transfer almost perfectly to Bros. Oh, one last thing: both Bros and women have like a set of three dance moves they live and die by.

Women: The Drop It, The Over The Shoulder Look/Hip Shake and Anything that causes your eyes to look at their chest (Women aren’t innovators on the dance floor. Ask MC Hammer)
Bros: The Roll The Dice, The Sprinkler and the Kid N’ Play Move (The grabbing of one leg and thrusting. I’m going to call it the “Bro Bro Gadget”)

See, this is why I should call myself a Doctor. I have a Bachelors in Communications and a Minor in Women’s Studies and Sociology. Works for Dr. Orpheus:

If you can’t see the humor in that, there is something wrong with you. I’ll be back up at some point this week, probably with a rant not Bros. Unless it’s the Venture Bros. Go Team Venture!

Chachi Out.

Well, I Tried My Best And That Is All Jeebus Asks Of Me.

What is up, peeps! It is Friday and it is time to get LOOSE! Can I get a “what what”?! No? Fiiiiiine. Well, before you go out and shake your naughty bits, we have some business to attend to. It’s time for the…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin this week with a debut video from a band that has been missing for quite a while.

20. FLOW - Answer (New Entry)

If you wouldn’t mind, say welcome back to Flow! If you don’t remember, they made “Go!” and “Re:member” for Naruto (the latter was #1 for three weeks in 2006) and “Colors” for Code Geass (Spelling is butchered, I admit). Needless to say, they kick ass. If you haven’t heard of them, get “Golden Coast” or their greatest hits. This video is brand spanking new and ass kicking!
19. John Legend – Stereo (New Entry)

HELLS YEAH! John Legend is back, fishes! This is his fourth video off of “Once Again” and I never get sick of this album. I was hoping for “Again” but you can’t beat this song for a summertime groove. Can John Legend do what UVERworld failed to do with “Zero No Kotae” and get his 4th #1 video? We will have to see!
18. Enrique Iglesias – Do You Know (Last Week #16)
After a short run at the bottom half of the Countdown, Enrique makes a slow drop. This video is still cool, and the Spanish version is still be best stalking song of the year. However, it is no “Don’t Turn Out The Lights”. Yeah, now THAT is creepy.
17. Gym Class Heroes – Clothes Off (Last Week #19)
This is officially the summer theme song! Not gonna lie, I am still waiting for someone to do a remake of “I Wanna Be Rich” by Calloway. I kind of figured Diddy would have been ALL OVER THAT, but I stand corrected.
16. Orange Range – Ika Summer (Last Week #13)
Next week, fools! Orange Range’s Greatest Hits! Pick it up if you are down for a good listen of classic j-pop/j-rock! This week, they fall three spots with a video that came close to taking the #1 spot.
15. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #17)
So the more I hear 50 Cent talk, the more it makes me want to hear Kanye talk. Which is scary because Kanye needs to shut the fuck up. Even still, the music for the most part is scandal-proof!
14. Daddy Yankee feat. Fergie – Impacto (Last Week #10)

So I may be the only one, but am I really not liking Nicole Whatsherface from the Pussycat Dolls? I heard her song with D.Y. on his album and her single with T.I. aint even in English. I never thought I’d say this…but Fergie is better. Whoa, the Earth just shifted.
13. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 14)
AI moves up one more spot this week as she tries to replicate the awesomeness that was “I Wanna Know” from 2006. This video is back in the rotation after getting accidentally deleted (Yeah, getting the new CPU set up was a clusterfuck) and I am digging it again. Here is hoping for a reunion with Namie Amuro soon because…that is some sexy stuff right there.
12. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #15)
Can Abingdon Boys School rock any harder? I mean they could, but the tear in the space time continuum would create a vortex that would consume at least three planets. And Rosie O’Donnell. Heh, I made a funny. Anyway, “Nephilim” moves up 2 more spots and just outside the Top 10.
11. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (Last Week #8, Three weeks at #1)
Where in the hell is some new Maroon 5! And don’t they dare make a video for that shitty remix with MIMS. I mean…anyone but MIMS. Hell, I would have accepted AKON over MIMS! Wow…isn’t that the quandary of the mountain lion or the pipe bomb. Onto the Top 10!
10. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #12)

You know, Hearts Grow has put together quite a good body of work for a group with no album. This video is simple, summertime goodness. Not only that, there isn’t a video chick or R. Kelly in sight. I have a fear of whenever I see a video with anyone under the age of 16; R. Kelly is going to pee in it. Luckily, he was out of town for this one because this video rules.
9. Abingdon Boys School – Howling (Last Week #4, One week at #1)
They replaced the intro to “Darker Than Black” already! How dare they?! The ending got changed, too. But its HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR so…yeah that’s good enough for me because Yuki is HOT. Anyway, The Boys fall a big five spots this week after taking the top spot a month ago. No biggie, they have another one rising.
8. Gackt – RETURNER ~Yami no Shuuen~ (Last Week #11)
Ladies, the Top 10 just got HOTTER THAN HADES! Gackt has his first Top Ten video and needless to say, this is epic in scope. Samurais, horses, battles, special effects and Gackt with messed up hair? Sign me up!7. Common – The People (Last Week #9)

Hip hop in effect, people! Common is featured in Guru’s (Jazz is back!) new single! Too bad the video is based off “Fritz The Cat” because the song is awesome. That cartoon freaked me the hell out. If you haven’t seen it…don’t. Think “Dumbo” meets “The Big Lebowski” meets really bad furry porn. Trust me and steer clear. Except from this video, it’s tight.
6. Foxxi MisQ feat. Miss Monday – Party Booty Shake (Last Week #7)
Mmm…Foxxi MisQ. You know, I am still listening to this album. Between “Gloss” and “T.I. vs. T.I.P.” I don’t really have any other CDS. Wait, Namie Amuro’s latest one gets listened to, but that’s it. Oh…and Dem is hot. Very hot and very young (But totally legal! Best of both worlds!) as they move up a spot this week.
5. T.I. – Big Things Poppin’ (Last Week #6)
We are into the Top Five and we have a familiar face! Despite only having two #1 videos, T.I. is second in terms of weeks at #1 total (11 weeks) which is a great accomplishment, especially since I didn’t like hip hop for about 2 years or so. This video moves up a spot this week he has “You Know What It Is” and is working on the third single, supposedly “Touch Down” with Eminem. Niiiiice.
4. L`Arc~en~Ciel – Seventh Heaven (Last Week #5)
The legends are one step closer! “Seventh Heaven” moves up a spot this week and is looking for that Top Spot! I got another live performance of this song and maybe Hyde is taking the Johnny Depp thing too far. I mean, one Johnny Depp is hot but TWO JOHNNY DEPPS?! The heat would create a second sun!
3. Foxxi MisQ feat Zeebra – Luxury Ride (Last Week #3)

Mo Foxxi, mo happy! The sexy ladies of Foxxi MisQ have two of the six biggest videos in the world! Can they accomplish what UVERworld pulled off and have two videos in the Top Five? That is quite the feat, but seeing as how this video is stalled at #3 this week…you never know. We are down to two…
2. Yui – My Generation (Last Week #2) [Four Weeks at #2]

…And the runner-up is Yui AGAIN. Yui has tied Nelly Furtado and Evanescence for the video with the most weeks at #2 (Four weeks), which is an accomplishment. The bad part is that those videos (“Maneater” for Nelly and “Call Me When You Are Sober” & “Lithium” for Evanescence) never made it to Number One. If the #1 video has anything to say about it, next week will be the 5th week.
1. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #1, Three weeks at #1)

Sweet Jones! UGK spends their THIRD week at #1 with this video! It is only July and there are 5 months left to go in 2007…but this may be the frontrunner for video of the year. It is that good! Yes, nobodyknows+ brings the heroes back and John Legend brought the P.D.A. but UGK and Outkast brought us something more important. That something is more Black men in suits than a hip hop court case. Oh, snap! Even still, congratulations!

Well, that is all for now! Tune in next Friday to see if Yui can FINALLY take the Top Spot! Or will UGK and Outkast make #1 a Players Ball for a full month? Don’t forget about the ladies of Foxxi MisQ; they are looking to park their “Luxury Ride” at #1! Only one way to find out and that is to be here next week!

Well, it’s Friday, I just got paid (Albeit 55% of it is going to bills and I got shorted AGAIN), I’m a lame duck at work and I am getting TORE UP…on juice. Who’s with me?! Got an interview at 6PM and then after that it is PARTY TIME! I think I’m doing lunch with Rick on Saturday so anyone in Denver that is down for a DENVER PARTEEEE let me know! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.

Are You Ready For The Foosball?!

So an update on my distain for NCAA Football 08. Last night I played my third game after beating Colorado State (59-14, yours truly with 310 passing yards and 135 of th0se to Griff) and shocking Ohio State in Columbus 40-7 (Yeah, OSU had four interceptions but I had three, two returned for touchdowns and that really skewed the score). Keep in mind that I was STILL UNRANKED for some reason but I kept on. So last night I played the #16th ranked Seminoles of Florida State in my Homecoming game which is the brainfarts of all brainfarts but if I want to impress the BCS I can’t play Maine or SF Austin State. So I booted up and got ready to play.

First off…fuck Florida State. Seriously, I hope your campus gets invaded by horny ferrets. Now I know I have Colorado and they are ranked about 83rd out of 113 or so Division I schools but…

10 SACKS?!

You read that right. I got sacked 10 fucking times. Now read that correctly, they didn’t have 10 sacks in the game. THEY HAD 10 SACKS AGAINST ME! More on that later. In the first quarter, things were normal. We both punted on our first drives and on our second drives we each had 13 play drives that resulted in short touchdowns (A run for me and a bullshit tight end screen for them, which is odd because they had a FOUR RECIEVER SET!). Not a bad start, but not what I would expect in a big game.

Colorado 7
#16 Florida State 7
End of 1st Quarter

The second quarter was okay except plagued with fumbles for some reason (2 by each team, with myself getting 14 points and the computer getting 10) and at halftime the score was

Colorado 21
#16 Florida State 17
Halftime

Then shit went horribly wrong.

After I drove down and got a field goal with the first drive of the second half and then got a defensive stop (w00t!) I began to come across a problem. They were blitzing the SHIT OUT OF ME. Seriously, they brought six guys every play! Problem was my offensive line must have been hepped up on goofballs because they didn’t even try to block them. There were times that I would take the snap and then the defensive tackle would sack me before I started my drop back animation. Because of the constant 3rd and 20’s I’d have to face, I had to pass on third down (which I hate being forced to do with this team because aside from Griff they are mouthbreathers) which meant I had to face the blitz AGAIN. Even worse, there were times when I would drop back, get sacked before the damn clock would start and there would be a flag. Has to be offsides, right?

Clipping. On the offense, 15 yard penalty. Still third down.

CLIPPING?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN CLIPPING?! For those that don’t know, clipping is:

“Blocking an opponent below the waist from behind; this illegal block is a personal foul, punishable by a 15-yard penalty.”

Now, to block someone from behind….YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY BLOCK THEM! If that man runs right past your ass and sacks me, how in the HELL IS HE BEING CLIPPED?! BULLSHIT! Anyway, I got six (SIX!) of these called against me in the third quarter. One of these pinned me at my own four after a third and 48. I managed a field goal after they messed up a fake punt but they got a quick score after I shanked a punt so at the end of the third we are all tied up.

#16 Florida State 24
Colorado 24
End of the 3rd Quarter

To begin the fourth quarter I was on a drive from my own 6 because of a clipping penalty on the kickoff from their fucking touchdown. I was doing my normal thing (running the ball, quick slants, screens and hitches to set up a post or go route) on my drive when one a 3rd and 1 from my 47 yard line I decided to go for the money. On a play action screen, I saw Griff had passed his defender and the safety was on a blitz meaning he was wide open on the sidelines. I tapped the “B” button for a lob pass when all of a sudden…the defender tackled him. Like he already had the ball. So I lob this ball in the air and as I lob it I get hit by a defender that WAS NOT THERE (If a defender is around the animation is a short-armed throw no matter what) so the ball just kind of quailed up there and got picked off. Ran back for a touchdown.

#16 Florida State 31
Colorado 24
3:47 4th Quarter

SHIT! But wait, a flag on the field! Hooray, clipping on me!

Pass Interference, #25 on the defense, 15 yard penalty. First down.

Like I said yesterday the crowd noise doesn’t match the animation but the crowd went NUTS. So I continued my drive and on the 17 yard line on a 3rd and 3 I called a QB Draw Option (Where you can scramble, pass or hand-off to the running back) to get to the middle of the field for a go ahead field goal. That’s when shit went REALLY whack. As soon as the ball is snapped, the running back runs the WRONG WAY AND DOES NOT HAVE THE BALL! So I am standing there…on a draw. During a blitz. Yeah. I scramble and see Griff running a Corner Out route (just think about him running to the far back right pylon) so I know if I lob it he can outjump the defender. Right as I throw the ball, I get hit so hard the animation sends the football STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR. I mean this ball is under thrown by about 10 yards and right into the hands of the Rover that he promptly takes back 91 yards for a touchdown. Also, I suffer a concussion from the gang hit (THREE DUDES!) so my backup, the redshirt freshman son of the coach is in to start. Greaaaaat.

#16 Florida State 31
Colorado 24
2:57 4th Quarter

SHIIIIIIIT!

So on the ensuing kickoff, my starting running back (who is doing well with 144 yards on the ground) gets a good return but gets gang tackled. Aaaaaaaand suffers a pinched nerve, out for the game. FUCK! So my backup QB and my backup halfback hold my hopes for a win. Awesome. The drive starts how I would expect it. A loss of two on a run and a sack. Third and 18. Next play, a little over the middle route and holy shit he caught it! A 44 yard gain and I am in FUCKING BUSINESS. No wait…clipping. 3rd and 32 from the 39 yard line. I drop back and hit and a FUMBLE! FUCK! Picked up by a lineman that runs two yards and FUMBLE AGAIN! Picked up by the fullback and he gains six yards. I’m fucked.

#16 Florida State 31
Colorado 24
2:19 4th Quarter (4th and 20)

Here goes. My QB drops back…shit, a blitz! Steps up in the pocket and throws to the left side….caught at the FSU 47 yard line! Opening in the zone! Run you…fullback?! Hells yeah! He gains 22 more yards and drags the safety and a linebacker with him! 1st and 10 at the FSU 25! No huddle! I snap again and another blitz! The young QB steps up…hits Griff on the far right hand side at the 19 and he is running. Runnnnnnniiiinnnnngggg and the safety has the angle! He dives for the corner of the endzone….touchdown! No, they rule him out at the ONE YARD LINE! The next play I hand off to my backup halfback and he dives…TOUCHDOWN! Extra point is good!

Colorado 31
#16 Florida State 31
1:55 4th Quarter

I kick off out of the endzone and FSU has it at their 20 yard line. First play, drop back…SACKED! I FINALLY GOT HIM! Time out FSU. Second and 17, the QB drops back…INCOMPLETE! I could get this back with some time remaining! 3rd and 17, he drops back, throws to the corner for the tight end and it is caught short of the first! He breaks a tackle and is hit…FUMBLE! I dive for it and….no it goes out of bounds! 4th and 6! FSU punts and Griff gets the ball…across to the right and out of bounds at the Colorado 31 yard line. 58 seconds left. Every kid dreams of this moment. Here we go, a field goal to win. The QB takes the snap, the fullback runs into the flat. He floats a pass to him and he catches. He has open field! 35 to the 40! 45…50….45…40…! He is tackled at the 38 yard line! The clock is running! No huddle! To the line of scrimmage to down the ball…they fake the spike! Quick lob to Griff and he has it! He scrambles to make it out of bounds….HE DOESN’T! He is down at the 28! 13 seconds and running because he didn’t get the fucking first down! You BLACK BASTARD! No huddle! Spike!

Ten seconds left from the FSU 28 yard line. I need to center the ball because the wind is kicking my ass. One time out. Just get the ball in the middle of the hash marks…that’s all I need. Just going to run and slide. The QB takes the snap….I hit the dive button…nothing. SHIT! I hit it again and NOTHING! I hit it a THIRD TIME and I prepare to dive…he’s hit!

FUMBLE! FSU RECOVERS AS TIME EXPIRES! WE ARE GOING TO OVERTIME!

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Colorado 31
#16 FSU 31
End of Regulation

Shit. I’m going to lose. They win the toss and chose to go on offense first. 1st and 10 from the 25…quick slant to the wide receiver and he has real estate! He is tackled at the 7 yard line for a first down! FUCK! QB takes the snap….SACKED! YES! Okay, I have a shot. 2nd and 17 from the 14…running back tackled for a three yard loss! 3rd and 20! QB takes the snap from the shotgun and HE DROPS IT (I have never seen that before in this game which makes me wonder if it is a glitch)! He recovers…scrambles…throws out of bounds! 4th and 20. A 33 yard field goal attempt…WIDE LEFT! WIDE LEFT CRUEL IRONY!!! FSU fans know what I am talking about!

All I need is a field goal to win. But I want the touchdown because I am a FUCKING MORON. 1st and 10 from the 25. From the Shotgun fake end-a-round…Griff sells the block and breaks out off the line…slight overthrow…ONE HANDED CATCH AT THE 10! The safety and the corner have the angle! He dives for the endzone…!

FUMBLE! WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL, MAN?!

Ball is loose at the three yard line….THE FULLBACK RECOVERS!! The man saved my season four times in this game! Ball at the two yard line! Screw that, I’m going for the field goal. CU lines up for a 20 yard chip shot. The snap, the catch, the hold…

IT’S GOOD! IT’S GOOD! COLORADO PULLS THE UPSET OVER #16 FSU! IT FEELS SO GOOD! NO MORE RANKED TEAMS THIS YEAR! ONLY BAYLOR!

Colorado 34
#16 Florida State 31
Final (1st Overtime)

Whoo…I was cussing up a STORM while playing this because it was just…never wracking. How could I dominate Ohio State ON THE ROAD and not be able to put away Florida State AT HOME? It does NOT MAKE SENSE. My life just got suckier because the next game…#13 Oklahoma. Oh, and I am STILL NOT RANKED after beating two ranked teams.

I fucking hate this game. So fucking hate it. Be back tomorrow with the Top 20 Video Countdown.

Chachi Out.

Downsize This!

What is up peeps! It has been almost a while since I have put up a post, but I am back in effect, baby! First things first. No review of Harry Potter. The reason being is that…I really don’t remember it. And I saw it TWICE. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good. It was just a movie. It is kind of how I felt about “The Island” last summer. It wasn’t bad, wasnt good, things just blew up. I have to give this movie a 7, because it was better than average, but average isn’t what they were aiming for.

Now for the big news. As many of you know, I preordered NCAA Football 08 for the X-Box360 and I was pretty damn pumped about it. Well, I played two games yesterday and it is time for the first ever installment of…

CHACHI’S VIDEO GAME MADNESS!!

Today’s Game: NCAA Football 08!

So last night I did my usual. I picked my team (went with the Colorado Buffaloes because I am a glutton for punishment), created my players (myself and Griff. No Rick and I will tell you why later) and started my recruiting. I tell you what, recruiting in this game is a good idea gone annoying. I do like the talking to the recruit to see what interests them, but it is cumbersome to have to do that for 22-25 recruits EACH WEEK. The thought is awesome but the execution is a little overbearing.

Secondly, the interface is hella clunky. Maybe it’s just the lag in the wireless controller but it felt like the game (in menus and in actual games) was unresponsive. Just navigating the Top 25 was a damn hassle. Oh, and Arkansas is rated WAY TOO HIGH. Just my personal opinion. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t BAD to the point of hating it I just expected more from “next-gen”. I still think it’s the wireless controllers that is causing the lag, it was the same thing in NCAA Football 07 for the 360 and the PS2. Small gripe.

Now on to the in-game action! All I can say is that visually it is impressive. The atmosphere of the “Rocky Mountain Shootout/Showdown” was pretty bad ass, especially the recreation of Mile High Stadium (FUCK Invesco Field, and no one does it like NFL 2K5) and the aura of the college game, which I had the privilege of seeing in 2001-2002 (I think, I was totally blitzed). From the kickoff I felt that something was wrong. In a good way, but wrong. The I realized it. After dropping back in the pocket and getting sacked before the zoom out for the passing occurred I noticed that 60 fps may be too many.

Now I know that more frames equals more fluidity and animations, but really think about it. With all those frames, a dropback motion is overdone to the point of Ryu throwing a fireball in SFIII. I know throwing off the back-foot takes off from the velocity but when you are throwing a fucking slant you don’t take A SEVEN STEP DROP! Literally. It fells like your drop back takes forever and by the time your feet are set, someone is in your face. Or even better, your receivers don’t run their route. I don’t know if this is a glitch or what, but I called for a go route (play action timing to boot) and as I rolled out…the receiver ran a quick hitch route. If you don’t know what that means, imagine going to see Prince and getting Sanjaya.
Now I will admit that last year I raped the CPU and online players with Georgia Tech’s the go route and Post/Play Action Screen (hard to pull off, but like the self congratulatory reach around is WELL WORTH IT) with Calvin Johnson/Tashard Choice and maybe ran the ball…three times. EVER. It was not worth it to run the ball because the passing game was so effective. Hell, look at my numbers for the first season in 07 (Keep in mind, this was me as a created player):

348/401 (att/comp)
5,714 yards
61 Touchdowns
4 Interceptions (Three in one game against USC)
242.7 Passing Efficiency Rating (No idea what that means. Rick, clarification?)

This was on All-American difficulty and I ran roughshod. Yet I only had 612 rushing yards. AS A TEAM. It was like trying to stop a bro rape. You can try and you may even succeed, but in the end the scars are just as bad if not worse had you just went along with it. This year is the EXACT OPPOSITE. The go route is ineffective at best because even the shittiest cornerback can keep up with the best receivers. Oh, and if he is shorter by a foot then his vertical is a small child. It is bullshit; every other pass over the middle is picked off. And don’t even THINK about throwing to the sidelines (I do a lot of screens and slants) because since there is only ONE FUCKING CAMERA VIEW (another gripe altogether) it is a surprise of how many people are over there waiting to pick you off. I swear they had a six man blitz, Griff double covered, a spy, single coverage on my tight end and other wide out so when I threw the screen to what should have been a wide open fullback…he was double covered. WHAT THE FUCK?! Are they running the 5-4-5 defense? This isn’t SOCCER!

What is even more annoying is the effectiveness of the running game. Now I am all about clock management, blistering defense and effectively running the football (ask Griff about how many times I would have three backs over 100 yards against him in Madden) but the run game is WAAAAAY to effective in this game. Unless they stack the line (and vice versa) you are guaranteed at least 4 yards a carry without trying because your back always falls forward. Case in point, against Ohio State (who has a pretty stout run defense) I got 184 yards on 22 carries and got four touchdowns. In the Horseshoe. On All-American (I may try Heisman, but I want to fucking win) in a nationally televised game. That doesn’t happen, ever. On the flip side, I threw four interceptions with two of those coming from timing routes where the receiver RAN THE WRONG ROUTE! This game totally needs a passing oriented camera. The only downside to the running game is that you will fumble. A lot and for no reason. You will get the SHIT smacked out of you and stumble for 8 more yards but someone will get stiff armed by you and you drop the ball and keep running. It is really hit or miss: realistic but rather unrealistic at the same time.

The presentation of the game is awesome. You feel a sense of self worth when you break off a huge run (which happens a hell of a lot more than in the last version) and you REALLY feel good when you see the replay of a long touchdown pass (which RARELY happens. There are no blown coverages in this game but linebacker overshoot or miss their gaps all the time which is why big runs are less fulfilling). Although the stadium looks amped up the sound doesn’t match the excitement. The screen doesn’t shake and no one gets rattled. Oh, except me as QB because when the crowd gets loud I cant even find my asshole.

Overall, I think the added realism actually hurts the game in some areas (the impossibility of the passing game, the dominance of the running game, overblown recruiting) but helps out a lot in others (the return game is a lot more realistic, the presentation is awesome and trick plays/open field running is bad ass). The game is fun and a step up from 2007’s version. However, it isn’t perfect and these issues are major. The mastery of the passing game is a big part of college football (Ask Michigan. Oh, snap!) so the difficulty of getting a good passing attack going will turn some gamers off. However, the running game is realistic (If you are playing against Ohio State or West Virginia’s defense every week. Oh, I am on a ROLL!) and much like old school Nebraska or Notre Dame if done correctly you are unstoppable. The look and feel of the game is up there with RPG’s because you feel like you are at a college football game (visually, anyway) and the announcers aren’t as annoying as everyone makes them out to be. In the end, it is a good game, worth the $60 (GASP!) for the X-Box 360 and if you have HDMI…fuck yeah. Never had it, but I don’t need sex if I have that kind of graphical euphoria. I don’t have to take my X-Box out to dinner or hear it tell me I’m insensitive, either. So I give NCAA Football 08 for the X-Box 360…

8 out of 10 Controllers!
(Not as arcade-like as 07, which is both good and bad. The atmosphere is awesome but the new additions like Campus Legend and the new recruiting are hit or miss for some people. Can recommend for any system. Go State U!)

So it is official. As some of you know, I became a contractor when I parted ways with “The Q” a few months ago and I knew my time was limited. Despite the total idiocy that came with the end of my access (But not the end of my contract which cost me three and a half working days worth of pay, which is a pretty penny at my salary) and the irritation that is the internal interview process (Not having the courtesy to email me that I didn’t get a position when I fucking work there, interviewing me three times to say I don’t have the experience they are looking for) I enjoyed my time here and was hoping to at LEAST get a word of whether I would be come permanent or let go. Well, all I can say to you is this…

THEYTOOKMYJERRRRB!!

Yes, I was put on a call today to train my replacement pretty much out of the blue. You heard me. That is JACKED. The reason why there is no corporate loyalty is RIGHT THERE. I have been lied to about the security of my job, laid off and then been reoffered my job at less pay in a different state, screwed out of pay and commission more times than I care to remember and told that I don’t “fit the mold” of what they are looking for as I was walked out past an all white staff. Needless to say, my work experience has been teh hilarious. So now I have…

Rules To Being Laid Off/Outsourced/Workforce Reduced/Quitting

Rule #1: Do NOT Ask Employee To Document What They Performed & How.

Does a coach ask a quarterback how he ran the offense before he is traded or cut? Fuck no. Each person is an individual and will tackle the job differently. Not only that, you should know how to do the job any-fucking-way; you train them! I am willing to gauge that 65-70% of bosses have NO IDEA what their employees jobs actually entail. It isn’t the leaving employees job to train, it's management. Before you say it is good business, piss off. My blog, my rules.

Rule #2: Never Ask For Ways To Improve.

Usually, a laid off employee couldn’t give a rats ass about closure, and that is what this is all about. I think that communication for the most part should be severed when someone is laid off. Pay them for two weeks, let the do transfers or whatever needs to be done for the job itself and send them on their way. Asking questions about personal feelings is not professional, especially if being laid off or non-expensed (the official term for an ending contract for some reason) isn’t personal! It’s a business decision to let the employee go, it is a business decision for the employee not to want to talk about it because they may just give you the whatfor.

Rule #3: Don’t Ask For What Was Not Provided.

Now training is what you make of it. I have had a total combined training time of 12 weeks. THREE MONTHS! And I learned very little about what the actual job was. You see, training is like driving. A book can only tell you so much; it is about getting in there and doing it. Hell, I wasn’t even TRAINED for the most part! The person I replaced said it was easier to just do it than explain it. I just got tossed into it! I was better for it because most jobs are better if you just dive right in. Besides, I’m dumb as hell and I am sure it is best that no one ever learns from me. Ask Jen.

Ah…had to get that out. Not going to lie to you, I was a little pissed. THEYTOOKMUHJERB! I will be back this Friday, maybe before then. Friday is payday and I am totally down to break some stuff if anyone is with me. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.