What is up, bitches! I am back for a Monday update after a little bit of soju and a lot of angst. Not sure why, but people are pissing me off as of late. First off, I want to thank everyone that read the Omnibus Trilogy over the weekend. Over 150 people read the thing which for me is a lot seeing as I know about seven people total. I thank all of you. Except for YOU. And you know who you are. There is a vowel in your name…you always wear a hat. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Now for some random shit.
Chachi’s Random Thoughts
1. What if sperm had the consistency and taste of blue cheese dressing? I think women wouldn’t complain about swallowing so much, but wouldn’t it hurt coming out? 2. Abortions should be a rite of passage, like a sweet sixteen, bris or doing karaoke to Journey. People complain about how abortion is murder. So the fuck what? The more babies in the world, the higher gas prices go because their parents have to shuttle them around. Also, the sale of alcohol will go up because beating children for being dipshits is frowned upon. Let’s not even talk about the time it will take for Santa to deliver more presents for more kids. That’s China’s fault. 3. I wish I were a kitten. They just seem like they have it all figured out from birth. Except how to get out of a paper bag. That eludes them till their death. In a cat’s defense, paper bags are a bitch to get out of. 4. David Bowie was, is and always will be a FUCKING TREND SETTER. To all you bitches that have the audacity and lack or understanding of the awesome:
5. I hate weed commercials. They always have people getting up and doing stupid shit as a parallel smoking weed. Those people are smoking some really shitty weed. Good weed has you so high that you believe that you just saved the Princess when you haven’t left your seat. I gets high, nigga! Just playin. 6. Soju is the reason why Korea puts up with their own weirdness. After two bottles of soju I puts up with a lot of shit. Because that shit is awesome! And it tastes like rape! I mean if rape had a taste…. 7. I need a cigarette. Seriously, I want anyone who has ever BEEN in a “Truth” commercial (The shitty ones about smoking), watched a Truth commercial and believed it or ever quoted anything from the commercial and expected something other than being beaten to death with a golf club and had tobacco leaves shoved up their ass to fucking die. People smoke because they fucking want to. There is a lot of uninhabited parts of America so if you don’t like smoking go find one of those areas, shoot yourself in the fucking head and die because if other people smoking is your biggest issue in life you deserve to fucking die. I hate you, your children, your family and your hamster. Your cat and dog are cool. 8. Smart and funny women are hard to find. When you DO find them, they are usually dating a douchebag, a bro, a hippie or a douchebag hippie bro. Makes them feel better about themselves. I understand; I had the phase where I hung out with people fatter than me so I could get the chicks. On the other hand, if they are dating a douchebag hippie bro they can’t be that smart, right? 9. If you drive a Prius you are a notch below people that own Scions. You pretentious pussies aren’t saving the world with your car any more so than I am by setting trees on fire and using aerosol cans for EVERYTHING. Just because you drive an “eco-friendly” car doesn’t mean that you are any better than Hitler. He believed in hybrid tanks. Congrats hippie pussy douchebag tree-fucker, you are no better than Hitler. That dick used GAS ovens! Fuck an ozone layer! 10. Lastly….Nolan was right. The mall punk chic look is kind of fucking hot: Man, Dulce Maria is so damn fine. It's like she is saying "I'm naughty and need to be punished, but I also like Orange Julius." Don't we all, baby. Don't we all.
Well, that is all for now. I will be back soon for….something. Until then, here is some more Dulce Maria:
Okay it is a fine, fine Sunday afternoon and even with all the alcohol I consumed last night….no hangover. Something is really wrong with me and the amount I can consume. The shit aint healthy, I tells you. So it about time to FINALLY finish up the 600th Post Extravaganza Omnibus and I left one question hanging so I will get to that one first. So everyone sit back, eyes forward and watch the road because it is time to bring back the bus for a few more stops!
Passion of Chachi Omnibus: People's Choice Part III!
Question #1: At What Point Do Girls Go From “Little Angel” To Fucking Bitch That Uses Men’s Feelings As Their Little Play Things?!
Alright, Joey Joe Joe I got to your question. First off I have to say that this is a rather loaded question because there is honestly no simple answer to this one. It is one I have actually been asked about three times on Blogger and I have either reworded the question or just ranted about certain ASPECTS of the way women address men’s feelings. However, I think I want to tackle this one head on now.
Okay, the first thing to understand about women is that just like all creatures of habit (Which are ALL CREATURES, except Sasquatch. For Sasquatch the rules are different) they are not complex. That is a myth created by women to explain their illogical thought processes and actions. I look at women like the Run-and-Shoot offense in the 80’s and early 90’s. When you looked at the playbook there were about 135 or so plays…but they were all the same play with minor route adjustments. This first time you saw the receivers run around in mass confusion there was blown coverage and open spots on the field that resulted in big numbers. When you saw the plays over and over, it was obvious that if you played a zone and shifted YOUR defensive tactics that the Run-and-Shoot became ineffective against an athletic and smart defense that knew how to read formations and shifts. Now in college that works because a great system with good enough (Not great) players can confuse any team. However, once those same players or that same system got to the NFL either they had to adapt to the game or get defeated by it. Most did the latter.
Now let’s address the parallel. When it comes to the male/female dynamic most men are unfamiliar with the tactics of women and usually either get defeated or learn a new way to win. That is how a woman who THOUGHT she was smart in high school or college ended up getting knocked up by some dude that was a sweet-talker but couldn’t tell his ass from a bottle of scotch. That man figured out a tactic to defeat the unorthodox actions of women. Some men are lovers & leavers, some men will kick your ass or treat you like shit. It is a mechanism to handle your actions, whether logical or illogical. Now women will say they are adaptable all they want but the simple truth is that women, like cats, freak out when something changes no matter how small. Now I can’t say whether it is learned at home, school or in social environments but girls eventually learn that their gullyhole is their only logical source of power. You can’t stick your fist in a woman’s college degree (Genitalia! Okay Zach, I like that song now), you know? Since the vag is just like any other form of collateral the illusion of a man being able to get it from them is a tool that they usually use to its fullest. You ever wonder why most women are bad at video games? They don’t know how to adjust to a glitch in the Matrix.
This all lies back to a post I had a long time about how it is not okay for a man to say no because we do not have the vaginas. When it comes to feelings women are taught or it is assumed that all men think with their wangs. Wangs and vaginas are like peanut butter and jelly: they go together in a stick and gooey mess that usually needs something white and milky to lubricate. Eeeeewwww! Now since that is their main attack strategy (Lead men with sex) there is a big problem if that doesn’t work. Women don’t have a contingency plan. They hate GW Bush so much but they never have an exit strategy either. Well, I won’t say women DON’T have a back-up plan as much as they never have a formulated plan on how to use that bitch. I can say from experience that when as a man I didn’t let a woman make me do something I didn’t want to or knew that she was using her sexuality (Not necessarily sex all the time) to influence me to make a choice I was met with the same reaction every time:
Bewilderment, mortification and emotional breakdowns
Or as I like to call it the “9-Man Goal line Blitz” technique. I say nine men because she hasn’t gone ALL in because she thinks maybe she didn’t get her point across the first time that “If you do what I am asking you may get sex from me” but at the same time she needs some sort of defense if you STILL reject the notion that you can’t be controlled by her sexuality at that moment. If you continue to reject her sexuality as a weapon…may God or whatever deity you prey to help you because that is when she becomes “One-Winged Bitch Angel”:
Music and everything. You have to understand one thing Triple J; you are supposed to be the same as all men at all time. Or at least the same as all the men that the woman in question has dealt with. If isn’t about how she responds to the stimuli for a woman. It is about how YOU respond to her. If you don’t respond to the stimuli that she puts out either:
1. The way she expects you to respond. 2. The way OTHERS have responded in that situation.
Then you are outside of her norm and much like a feline she will either lash out or cry as a defense mechanism (Because most men FREAK OUT when women cry. I just learned to yet “I need an adult! And run like hell, boy!) because at that point emotional (ILLOGICAL) discord takes over. You see, women claim to be “emotional” beings but it ends up being an “illogical” reaction because if you are using your sexuality as a means to an end and you didn’t get your preferred ending. How is being emotional about that situation healthy or even fair to yourself? You are emotionally broken up or furious because someone didn’t want to be used or feel the same way about you that you felt about them. I’m sorry but that is life. Becoming a bitch because someone didn’t do what you want them to even though you pulled out your shikai (Yes, sex is bankai in this case comes later) is no better than when a man gets upset at you for not giving him the digits when he buys you drinks. If you don’t see the parallel, you are a fuckwit.
So let’s bring all of this together because I kind of went in four directions. It isn’t about WHEN women become vindictive bitches that will do whatever they need to ahead. All I can say is….it happens before the age of 22. It is about WHY. Now that can vary but the big reason they play with your emotions is because they can. Quite simply, you let them and that is the answer to your question. As soon as women realize they CAN play with your emotions, just like a man that realizes he can get away with cheating on a girlfriend because she doesn’t do anything about it, they WILL play with your emotions. Trust me, I have been there and I can say about four or five of my best friends have been there as well. Just like I said about men not being smart but they know how to exploit women for sex. Women may not be smart either but they know how to take advantage of men to get what they want. If they CAN’T take advantage of that man to get what they want whether it be attention or sex, and they KNOW they won’t succumb to their advances, you are of non-service to them. There is an illogical emotional factor of wondering whether they are desired which is understandable. We all want to be admired and in some cases desired but if that is your sole reason of being (Which for attention whores it is. You know who you are) and you have nothing else to give you happiness or comfort aside from being wanted then you are really kind of empty inside. Which is why I say women are succubus. I so need to turn these blogs into a textbook and become a teacher.
That was quite the long trip but we have another stop on this Omnibus! In a little reversal, I ask a question of myself. It’s like the mirror version of Chachi, Star Trek style!
Question #2: Am I Really That Bad Of A Person?
Hmm, that is a very good question. You know when the person asking the question is YOUR MOM (No shit, she asked me this when we went to lunch the other day) that you may just have a problem. However, I can honestly say that I don’t believe I am an asshole. I don’t go around hitting women (Even though there is a reason to go upside ANYONE’S head….just never a woman) or pissing on minors so I know for a fact I am not a bad person. However, I can see how people could think I am a dick. Case in point, let me go back to an old blog from June of 2006. I was upset after hanging with a certain someone the day before and as usual we had an argument. During that argument, she decided to “tell me about myself” and said that I was:
Mean (No, bitch just couldn’t take a joke) Rude (Can be, depends on if you get my humor) Immature (Hmm. I see making the same mistake repeatedly and calling your fuckup a “learning experience” as immature. Not watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Egotistical (I am the most self-depreciating person on the damn planet. Although that is also a sign of megalomania….) Nerdy (Yeah….more of a geek than a nerd, though) Possessive (This one is novel. I think the reason I am the way I am now is the fact I WASN’T possessive but more on that later) Not Funny (About 200 readers of this blog say otherwise. Although 97% haven’t MET me so that number is deceiving) Petty (No, I am not petty. I am a lot of things but not petty) Out of touch with my emotions (Hmm. Well, I could see how one could say that because I clam up rather than hurt feelings or create a conflict when I care for someone. Not a good trait, got over it but it is why I don’t date very often. That and being about as cuddly as a coked out Gary Busey) Uncompromising (AND HOW, MOTHERFUCKER! I do not back down if you are being a dumb bitch. Never will, either. I expect no less from my lady on my end as well)
This was also part of the rant where this specific person called me anti-social. One think I didn’t say in the post is that I asked her if she asked what anti-social meant and she said someone that wasn’t social. So I ask “If I am so anti-social, how did we become friends? I struck up conversation with you, right?” She then backtracked from her definition but did not backtrack from her stance which is a standard tactic when people are wrong but that is life. Let us recap about what “anti-social” means:
1. Shunning the society of others; not sociable. 2. Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores: gangs engaging in vandalism and other antisocial behavior. 3. Antagonistic toward or disrespectful of others; rude.
Now the phrase “shunning society” is not the same as “disliking society.” I really don’t like bros or dumb bitches or niggas. That doesn’t mean I SHUN society because I have bro friends and female friends. Not all are dumb but they do dumb things and so do I. Those that know me will tell you that I am the first to talk to someone who is being quiet for feeling shunned because I was not always the outgoing, popular guy the peeps know as Chachi today. I am one of the more outgoing people wherever I go whether it be NDK or a party full of people I don’t know. It I was anti-social, wouldn’t I not want to be there or just start stabbing motherfuckers in the kneecaps? Exactly because shunning of the stupid is different than shunning all of society.
Hostile or disruptive? Now that is all about perspective. I can understand how certain people can see me as stand-offish or hostile because I believe strongly in nothing, I just have simple, logical views (except for bears, because them bastards are dangerous). If you are going to argue about religion with me, I can see your side but I couldn't (for the most part) give a fuck about it if you are trying to convince me of its truth. I make it a point to understand and acknowledge both sides of an argument (no matter how wrong the other party is or even I am) but at the end of the day, if one side is not willing to understand my point (ESPECIALLY if I am right) I will become hostile to a point because it would be like talking to a puppy about the tuck rule. Not only do they not know, they refuse to understand. I may not agree, but I will always listen and understand the stance of the other party. So why even make the fucking attempt to discuss with someone that has their own set ideas and belief sets and REFUSES to acknowledge yours no matter how correct? That can be seen as being hostile because I don't compromise on things that I am right on. That shit ain't gonna happen. Now if I am wrong I will admit it and if it is a discussion based on belief I will attempt to come to a shared agreement. I'm not going to say I'm wrong when I am right, and it seems that is what people want me to do. Fuck that, I'm hostile then.
Antagonistic and rude. Ahhhh, rude. I will come back to that fucker. As for being antagonistic, there is nothing better than a spirited debate IMHO. Not an ARGUMENT, a discussion about something with two viewpoints that are debated between two knowledgeable people is fun and insightful. I will admit that I do start debates, but not to argue. Case in point, I have been told by some women I have dated (or was attempting to) that I started arguments for no reason. Well, a discussion about politics isn't 'starting an argument' in my eyes, it's a discussion about politics. Now if SHE sees it that way, well not much I can do about that. The last thing I want to do is start an argument with a women because a good percentage (I will go with 25-35%) of them:
1. Don't know HOW to debate, they just know how to argue. (There is a difference. A debate is backed by logic and is a dynamic. An argument is just irrational bickering. I don't do well in those) 2. Don't understand what the discussion or debate is about. (Which I am guilty of. I have gotten into arguments with Zach that I am in over my head in and I will just say 'Yeah, dude we are out of my element.' Know your battles and concede when you are over your head. There is nothing wrong with not knowing about a subject in a discussion, but there is something wrong with arguing about a subject while knowing nothing.) 3. Will do anything just to WIN. (Arguing via bullshit will only get you so far. If you don't know it, you don't know it. Using circular reasoning, slippery slopes and just plain WTF tactics (crying, screaming, and changing the subject to an argument that isn't pertinent to the discussion) isn't debating, it's being fucking stupid. Have a stance and back it, right or wrong.
Anyway, back to my point. I like to discuss topics because I like women who are quick on their feet. Not ones that love to argue because arguing accomplishes nothing. Now back to this rude thing. You know what, I know the internet is vast and bad news travels fast. Anyone out there who has ever called me rude has usually been put in a situation where they didn't get my humor or they had to be told something that they didn't want to hear. You see, I don't have the thickest skin (I still have feelings and yes, even the Chachi has been hurt and *gasp* heartbroken) but I know what the fuck my faults are and will admit them. Can I be abrasive? Depending on the situation definitely. A spaz? It's my middle name, sometimes I freak out when I can't get through to people (You will remain nameless but…I will continue to try to help). A tad Buddha-esqe? Well, let's just say I partake in a few festive food items...En masse. An egotist with megalomaniacal tendencies? I have four monikers and refer to myself in the third person, you tell me. With all that being said, I know my faults, but I know I have good points. I believe that my honesty and humor is confused with being rude.
When it is all said and done, I don’t believe I am a bad person. The big thing with the blog (and it kind of worries me) is that there are a lot of jokes that are inside that I try to make sure everyone gets. A lot of times, my humor goes over (Or under when I get low brow) people’s heads and they cannot tell if I am seriously being mean to them or not. Case in point, I don’t want people to think that because I said rape or domestic abuse can be funny in context of well timed humor that I advocate both acts. They are reprehensible and anyone that knows me knows my history with that and how I feel about the people that have perpetrated it. Yet, I sometimes feel that people don’t “get” the humor. That really begins to wear on me after a while but at the same time I don’t want to get rid of the humor that makes me….well….me.
Another thing over the last six months or so is that people think that when I say something to them that it is a personal attack. If I comment about something you have done in humor or even in anger I am not judging you. I am commenting on your ACTIONS. I honestly believe that you can separate the action from the person, so if you are a woman that has made some (OR MULTIPLE!) bad choices, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If you do the same thing over again and expect the same caring response it makes you a dipshit….but not a bad person. Same for me. What I say may be offensive and occasionally tasteless but I am not a bad person. You know what I am? I'M AN A-SS-HO-LE!
Love that song.
Well, this bus has stopped for tonight! You go ahead and get your pajamas and get your favorite book and I will be up to read you a bedtime story when I finish my pipe. I will be back up sometime this week before the Countdown on Friday with a blog about….something. Until then, stay up peeps!
Passion Of Chachi Omnibus: Keepin It Real Edition!
Okay, here are a couple of questions I have asked myself and let slide for the most part because I don’t care. However, these were asked of me prior and instead of saying I don’t give a fuck (Which I really feel) I am actually going to answer the questions like I give a rats ass. So everybody hop on the bus to freedom! Question #1: What Is With Women Kissing Women?
Okay, let’s rewind back to my college days when I was in A.W.A.R.E. (The acronym escapes me, it will come back though). It was the women’s organization at UCCS and of course was all women….and me. Yeah, it was about as hilarious as it sounds when you say it out loud. Now in that organization were about five or so lesbians and you know what? They were cool. We hung out, talked sports and about how much women were bitches (Wow…I am a total lesbian! Bull dyke). One drunken night in a bar on Nevada after a meeting/panel discussion we all talked about a small trend at the time about women kissing women that “claimed” weren’t lesbians. They went OFF about that shit. I remember I stated “So, it is like a White kid that acts WAY too Black, Blacker than any Black person you know….but can go back to being White to get fucking job?” Ladies and gentlemen, I have figured out the comparison and it is women that kiss women that aren’t gay = Whites that act “Black.” In other words:
Faux lesbians = Wiggers
Yeah, I went there. Now I know I am in the minority when I say that the influx of women thinking that kissing women but aren’t gay is fucking stupid. Hell, I may be the only guy out there that feels that way but I am happy on this island because it does nothing but show the lack of respect of actual lesbians and just shows you to be a drunken whore. Oh, I am wrong? Honestly think about it. I have known females that were beaten up, disowned by their family, ostracized by friends and even sexually assaulted for being WHO THEY ARE. Yet your skanky ass can get some Long Island Iced Teas in you and kiss another drunken bitch in the name of “sexual individuality” or pop culture? Fuck you, asshole. If you are a lesbian then by all means be who you are but don’t attribute some shitty ass song, too many drinks or mistake thinking you are being provocative or sexually liberating with being a drunken, disrespectful whore. I may not be looking at it the way you are but I am looking at it from the eyes of someone that actually RESPECTS homosexuality rather than sees it as something to get attention. Do you think Matthew Sheppard wanted attention? Oh, it’s not the same parallel you say? If I went out and decided to kiss up on a dude in a bar and got confronted by inbred rednecks I couldn’t respond “Oh, I am totally not gay. False alarm!” When you are gay, you are gay 24/7, not long enough to get free drinks or be the attention whore for about 10 minutes or so. It is weird how when straight women kiss women they are just “experimenting with their sexuality” but don’t want to be seen as “gay” but rather bi-sexual. That is a slope that is slippery for me but let me try to address this.
I make a lot of comments about how I would sex up Zac Efron, Johnny Depp, Terrance Howard and of course Bi. I don’t necessarily want to give it or take it in the backfield like Shawne Merriman but I acknowledge that they are attractive men. Now I honestly believe that a lot about SEXUAL ATTRACTION is choice. It is how I explain pedophiles because no one is BORN sexually attracted to little boys and little girls. If you are then may whoever you pray to help you because that shit is gross. Back to that last statement, I wouldn’t consider myself “bi-sexual” because I don’t actually think of them in a sexual manner. Acknowledging beauty in the same sex is one thing, actually engaging in a physical act with the same sex is a whole ‘nother hill of garbanzos. Now I automatically feel about bisexuals the exact way I feel about mulattos….err….half-breeds….err….mixed people. Just do you. If you are attracted to both sexes then…be you. However, logically that would create eternal conflict and unhappiness like a Muslim Jew but what do I know? I’m sober so shit aint looking right.
Let’s bring this back full circle. I honestly view women that kiss other women when they aren’t lesbians as desperate, disrespectful and drunken attention whores that are playing off of the “taboo” when in reality they are belittling the difficulty and strife of actually BEING a lesbian. Just like the whore “metro sexual” fad did to being gay. I’m sure when gay men were being called “faggot” and “queer” that they WISHED they could say “Oh, I’m just metro. I love titties!” and make it be true. They couldn’t and didn’t because they know who they are and don’t do it for social acceptance and free drinks (Although…I have gotten a few free drinks at Club Q when it was open. I’m a hottie!) as much as it is their life and who they are. As we all know, women want all the power and none of the responsibility so that point is moot. It’s a lonely path being the only person willing to lay down the law to people.
This mass transit mobile is saving the environment and going nationwide, baby! Let’s stop at the next question!
Question #2: What Is With All The Baby Killing Jokes? Are You Being Ironic Or Are You Pro-Choice?
Well, that is a very interesting question unnamed female that asked it! Seriously, don’t sign as “Anonymous” unless you are dealing with Scientologists. Fucking cocks. Anyway, the fast answer to that is “Yes” I am very Pro-Choice. I honestly believe that if you are able to go through with an abortion then knock yourself out. Your body, your decision to put a Roto Rooter in there. I mean you already have had a wang in there so it isn’t the strangest thing you have put in your gullyhole. The fact that people are trying to tie a moral aspect to abortion is humorous to me because Christians can’t even decide when life ENDS so how can they decide when the shit begins? Logically and numerically, life starts at the point the baby pops out of a vag-ing-ah. Therefore, up until that point it is just Play-Doh until it is popped out in a shape and form of a baby that we all know and despise. It has no rights and as we all know, dogs have more rights that fetuses (Shouldn’t the plural of fetus be feti?) and that is why Michael Vick is in jail and abortion doctors aren’t. Makes sense, right?
Well that is all for now. I will get to Joey’s question on Sunday. A review of Hellboy 2 at some point this weekend. Until then, stay up peeps.
It is Friday which means two things. It is PARTY TIME for one and it is time for the Friday staple for two!
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We get started with a premier from Mexico’s hottest export ever!
20. RBD - Empezar Desde Cero (New Entry)
RBD is back! This video is about a month and a half old but I really don’t care. It is poppy goodness and Anahi is looking GOOD in this bad boy! It is nice to hear songs that aren’t all ballady because I am not a fan of those recently. It’s summertime, baby! Welcome back! 19. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #16) It has been a tough stretch since “Zero No Kotae” failed to take the top spot in early 2007. They haven’t made it past number three and this marks their second straight video to not make the Top Five. Could the honeymoon with The World be over? 18. Kelun – CHU-BURA (New Entry)
YES! IT IS ABOUT DAMN TIME! Kelun has FINALLY released a video for “CHU-BURA” and it is totally worth the wait! Much like Aqua Timez “Alones” it is a simple video which brings out the song. We could have our first Naruto vs. Bleach battle as both have an opening theme on the Countdown for the first time I believe ever. Let the fight begin! 17. T.I. – No Matter What (Last Week #17) The King of the South moves up three spots this week as he makes his triumphant return to the Countdown. He has been in an UVERworld-like slump, going 0-for-2 with his last videos after having his first three hit the number one spot. Can he take his crown back from John Legend? 16. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #14, Three Weeks at #1) Usher falls another two spots this week as the Year of Usher continues. I wonder where the new Jeezy.Kanye video is at? I am really waiting for that video…for some reason. 15. Yui – Summer Song (Last Week #18) Speaking of slumps, ever since spring of 2007 Yui has been blocked from the top spot as well. She has had FOUR videos at the runner-up spot but she hopes to break that streak with this video. I am really liking the acoustic version of “Laugh Away.” Check it out! 14. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #12) Aqua Timez falls two more spots this week and with nothing new in sight it looks like their run is over. 13. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #15)
Seamo and Ayuse slowly make their way up the Countdown as they inch up to number thirteen. After nearly being barred, Seamo is doing a good job of making moves. Slowly but surely, he may have a hit on his hands. 12. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #10) SEE NUMBER 18! CHU-MOTHERFUCKING-BURA! 11. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #8, Two Weeks at #1) For the first time since the spring. TK and Misia are outside of the Top 10. It has been an awesome run and they are almost at the longest running video on the Countdown this year mark. Pretty good work. 10. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #13)
HELLS YES! The opening theme for Naruto has cracked the Top 10! Can Ikimono-Gakari continue the success that Nobodyknows+ started last year and go all the way to the top? Also, I am really looking forward to an acoustic version of this song. 9. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #5) Did you see Alicia in a fight for survival against those jeans at the BET Music Awards last month? MY GOD that was hawt! Man, that is one sexy woman right there. 8. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #11)
Speaking of sexy women…the Wonder Girls aren’t women. They are young ladies and I feel so damn wrong having them on here. Dammit, that song is catchy as hell! I know about 40% of the words which means I am listening WAY TOO MUCH. 7. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #9) Speaking of listening to something way too much, HAMC moves up another two spots this week! Can I just say that more TM Revolution songs need to be redone? Seriously, the man should be like James Brown with that shit. 6. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #7) BACK-ON’s momentum seems to have slowed down as they move up one spot to number six this week. They are up very high for their first time out and that is saying a lot. 5. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #2, Three Weeks at #1)
After holding on to the top spot for almost a month, the sexy ladies of YA-KYIM fall another three spots but hold on to the Top Five. I am in need of something new from them, as they make me very happy. 4. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #6) Usher is once again in the Top Five! After the dominance of “Love In The Club” it is usually hard to follow that kind of run up (See: Namie Amuro and Maroon 5). However, this video is looking like it will break that trend. We are down to the Top Three! 3. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #3) Chris Brown holds steady this week! Has his momentum stalled or is he just taking a small break? He has had several start and stop movements on the Countdown so this isn’t out of the norm, but it could be a sign…. 2. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #4)
The West Coast is back! Game and Keisha Cole are representing for California on the Countdown and they are posted up at the runner up spot! Now Game has been here before twice (With “One Blood” and “Let’s Ride”) but both times failed to conquer the top spot. Can he finally break his streak? To do so he will have to knock off the reigning Queen! 1. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
Paramore spends their second week at Number One as the biggest video in the land! It took them three videos to get here and they are not going to let go that easy! I got some live performances of them and this band is quite the kickass. If they come to Colorado I am SO THERE! Congratulations, guys!
Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Paramore can make it three weeks in a row! Or will Game and Keisha Cole take the top spot? Can Chris Brown finally dance his way to number one? Tune in seven days from now to find out!
Tonight is Hellboy 2 so if you are down then let me know. If not, you suck. Until Sunday, stay up peeps.
AMERICA’S BEST DANCE CREW IS ON!! LET’S GET STARTED!
First Crew In The Bottom Three: Supreme Soul! I so called that!
I told you they would be in the bottom three. I figure now they will bring the heat or this could be the biggest upset since Live In Color. But let’s get started!
Crew #1: Boogie Bots (Lil’ Wayne ‘s “Lollipop”)
I wonder if the order is how they finished the week before. It would make sense but I dunno. Okay, I have to agree about their critique of the performance. It was good but after their last two performances this was kind of a drop off. Not only that, they were off on the regular speed spots for some reason. The fast parts they all looked in unison but when it was normal speed they were oddly out of sync. Weird, I think they got jittery because they were the first crew. Good stuff but depending on the other performances they could be risking bottom three.
Second Crew In The Bottom Three: Fanny Pak! WOW! I honestly did not see that.
Crew #2: Super Cr3w (Sanigold’s “Creator”)
Wow, that was frenetic! It looked like Fanny Pak with the organized confusion look of the performance. Unsure if that was on purpose or accident but it looked cool. I have to agree with Shane, I was NOT blown away by this performance. After their first four, this seemed to be a letdown but I think we will see that from everyone except Fanny Pak and A.S.I.I.D. because rapid fire is their element. Super Cr3w is deliberate and tries to tell a story and that aint going to work for this kind of challenge.
Third Crew In The Bottom Three: Phresh Select! I SO TOLD YOU! I AM AWESOME!
Very, very interesting! It had some ballet in there! I stand corrected, you guys were awesome! I really liked this performance and it was the best so far. Crew to beat so far.
Crew #4: So Real Cru (Chris Brown’s “With You”)
They like Chris Breezy on this show. THEY DID SOME RAVE MOVES! HELLS YEAH! I kind of disagree with the judges because their fast part was a little bit TOO intricate so it seemed too slow but I really thought it hit well. Now I am no Fred Astaire but I think theirs is the performance to beat tonight. I liked it better than A.S.I.I.D.’s because they MURDERED the intro. The second half was just above average but the beginning was KILLED.
Bottom Two Crews:Phresh Select & Supreme Soul! I SO CALLED THAT SHIT! I SHOULD BE IN VEGAS!
Crew #5: Fanny Pak (Mariah Carey’s “Touch My Body”)
Wow….this was the first performance of theirs I actually can say I liked. They told a story and actually kept my attention throughout the whole performance. Not going to lie, usually I am multitasking when they are performing because I am bored or annoyed. Not this time, they right now are the top crew.
So we are Phresh Select and Supreme Soul. I so called that. Well, let’s get to it!
First Crew In The Bottom Two: Phresh Select (Dream’s “Shawty Is A 10)
Heh, the nerd motif was rather cool. It was an OKAY performance but it didn’t blow me away. Something tells me that they are going home this week.
Second Crew In The Bottom Two: Supreme Soul (Shop Boyz “Party Like A Rock Star)
THIS WAS THE PERFORMANCE I HAVE BEEN WAITING ON! They totally killed this shit! I told ya’ll if they were in the bottom two they were going to kill the elimination performance and I am dead on. I think from this point out, they may actually end up being the favorites like I felt they were in the beginning. They totally dominated this task and I feel that they are SLIGHTLY ahead of Fanny Pak for the best performance because they incorporated so much into the routine. But we will have to see.
COMMERCIALS!
Now we are back and let’s get to it!
The Eliminated Crew This Week: Phresh Select!
Man, I knew that was coming. We are down to the final six and Phresh Select probably lucked out from having Distortion X being robbed in the first episode by the judges and Fanny Pak. Supreme Soul has survived another week and I honestly believe they will be a team to beat now.
Now, it is time for the second ABDC Championship Rankings!
1. Super Cr3w: They were the best performing crew all but two weeks (Arguably last week and definitely this week) but this performance was just “meh.” They hold the top spot for their body of work but I think due to their past performances and they didn’t really have a BAD performance this week that they will keep their votes. However, they may fall to three or four in the votes if people go in mass exodus to this next crew. 2. Fanny Pak: Yes, they KILLED it this week. It was a task that I knew they would shine in and boy did they do it. Second best performance of the night in my honest opinion and without a doubt the most exciting. However, they are better off than BreakSk8 because they haven’t really begun to look like they are taking from anyone after the controversy of the first episode. 3. So Real Cru: Now these last four are interchangeable because they all have had good performances with nothing earth shattering (Minus Boogie Bots last week) but nothing bad. So Real Cru is the sleeper because as long as they don’t end up going head to head with anyone they are shielded from the fact that they lack excitement but make up for it with choreography and awesome detail. 4. ASIID: This week’s performance was kind of….above average but it didn’t really stand out against Fanny Pak’s awesomeness or Supreme Soul just BRINGING IT. However, same thing. As long as they don’t go head to head against Supreme Soul in the bottom two, they could sneak into the finals. 5. Boogie Bots: Long fall, and in some ways rightfully so. Last year, after the Jabawookiez had that kick ass performance in week three they KILLED, AND I MEAN KILLED week four. Boogie Bots had the most interesting performance this season (Maybe in the shows history) and followed it up with “meh.” This may land them in the bottom two, but definitely the bottom three. 6. Supreme Soul: Now since all four of these crews are about even in the fans eyes and there is little margin for error and this week they may have made up for it. However, the question is will people vote for them over the crews above them and I believe that they won’t….for now.
So, let’s predict how the vote will end for next weeks show!
1. Fanny Pak 2. Super Cr3w 3. A.S.I.I.D. 4. So Real Cru 5. Boogie Bots 6. Supreme Soul
Like I said, the crews underneath Super Cr3w and Fanny Pak are all in the same boat so don’t be shocked to see the votes spread out evenly and there be a shocker in the bottom. However, I think that Supreme Soul will eliminate the Boogie Bots and then be in the bottom two AGAIN and eliminate So Real Cru. You heard it here first.
What is up people?! I am back on the scene after a bit of a hiatus and today is very special. Not really, but I have to make it SEEM that way because I have cleared another 100 posts and it is time for my 600th Post Celebration! I promised an Omnibus today and dammit, I am going to keep it real! So I give to the peeps the newest sensation to the Passion of Chachi….
Passion of Chachi Omnibus: People’s Choice Edition!
Today here are questions either readers (All three of you. Kevin from Milwaukee, big ups! Sorry to hear about your cat….cocaine is a hell of a drug) or friends have asked that I will address right now. These are questions based on why I say what I say because quite simply it can be offensive. But they are my peeps so of if you aren’t used to being offended by this blog then you are in the WRONG FUCKING PLACE! And awaaaaaaay we go!
Question #1: “So, What Is Your Stance On Offshore Drilling?"
Okay….you see this is why I don’t have many friends. The ones I do have ask things like this. Now first off, let it be known that I am against anything that makes John McCain happy because a happy John McCain means he isn’t biting the noses off of White House staff in a rage for messing up his coffee order. With that being said, I am all for offshore drilling. Why? Because I hate the environment. Seriously, fuck Mother Nature in her fickle ass like so many Jasmine Byrne movies. How many times has nature ever helped us? Sure you tree hugging, Bambi-fucking liberal pussy-footing cockmongers will say the Earth gives us oxygen and free room and board but seriously. Mother nature, like most women, needs a foot in her ass to learn to act right and do what we as humans say WHEN THE FUCK WE SAY IT. Now I don’t mean physically because hitting women is wrong because their brain is smaller than ours. It’s like beating up on a hamster. No matter how vindicating and deserved, it still aint cool.
The simple fact is that for the time being, we need oil. People can bitch and whine about how we should use bio-fuels (Which actually cost more and are more hurtful for the planet but hippies are stupid dipshits) and drive hybrid cars (Nigga, please. A Prius aint ballin!) but that shit aint happening so slag off. I am all for alternative forms of energy that don’t drip of dipshittery (E-85, I am looking at you) but until then we need to worry about the now. Now in my opinion offshore drilling CAN help but at the end of the day that isn’t going to drop the PRICES as much as just raise the supply…by like two fucking barrels. You see, oil companies could give a rats ass about how much oil there actually IS because they can charge whatever they want to. Not only that, they win whether we boycott or not. You want to only use bio-fuel? Well that means that land has to be scorched so that corn can be grown to make the bio-fuel that cost MORE TO MAKE. What is going to cut and refine that corn? Slave labor? As a Black man I can say “fuck you” because we have been down that road. The Chinese and Jews are with me on this one. Gotta have the Jews on your side, especially the Hebrew Hammer:
So you have to destroy land to make the corn to refine the crop to make the bio-fuel which is transported worldwide by planes and boats. Well, there aint enough corn at a Mexican family get together to power a plane for one trip so guess what they use? GAS, MOTHERFUCKER! It’s a hell of a drug. So even if we want to use alternative fuels, the cost is counter-productive to the goal of trying to alleviate the dependency on oil. So will drilling and destroying the environment help raise the supply? Probably not and even if it does it won’t be enough to create a real dent in the REAL ISSUE: not investing in the growing of Gummi Berry juice:
Look at those bears! I told you we were wasting time! Now we have roided and coked up bears hopping around beating up on goblins with swords. After they beat the goblins they are coming after America! Good job, liberals. We are going to be mauled by jumping bears. All because you want tortilla gasoline. I hope you are happy, you god damned pussies. Next question!
Question #2: “Why Are Women So Self Unaware?”
Well, I have addressed this several times but I actually have a new theory on this. You see, I used to give women too much credit about their vanity and give men no credit on their common sense. Let me explain. Women confuse being self unaware with being idealistic and free. You want to live in a world where you can bang as many men as you want in the name of “sexual discovery” without being deemed promiscuous much like I wish to be able to make jokes involving Gilbert and Sullivan without being deemed as taking it up the ass like the Los Angeles Clippers fans and front office (Although if I was Elton Brand I would have left, too. Odds are a 50 win team in the Western Conference isn’t making the playoffs while a 40 win team in the Eastern Conference gets a first round bye. Dick move but nothing move but the money, bitches) which for the plebeians means I am queer as folk. I am as gay as Zac Efron but my action will be perceived as otherwise and that is just life. I am aware of what I do and who I am and people may see me a certain way and that is just the way it is. Fuck them, I am what I am and I likes what I likes.
Now this is where I address Nolan’s question with a change from my usual stance. I honestly believe that women are self-unaware as much as men know how to keep them that way. You see, it is kind of like this dialog in South Park:
Kyle: You don’t know anything about the Christian religion, fatass! Cartman: I know enough to exploit it. [Silence]
I have met enough women that are smart enough about life to give them the benefit of the doubt that they know the world works in a way that is highly unbeneficial to them (Keep in mind that most of these women are over 35 but still) on a lot of fronts. The majority of men see women as solely sexual beings so when it comes to sex and getting sex their genius borders on the levels of Emil Burbank and Ozymandias. Women, have you ever wondered why that guy that you used to fuck casually but was always not ready to date you or the dude that treated you like shit was in your opinion dumb as a post? However, you stayed with him for sex or for comfort or because you were stupid (Usually all three)? Well, it was because he WAS dumb as a post on almost everything….but he was smart enough to get in your pants, knock you up and in most cases leave with very little baggage on his end. You call him an asshole that ruined men for you forever; I call him a douche genius. He may know nothing about politics, arithmetic or women as a whole….but he knew how to exploit you. Now you are broken inside and he is out doing what he did to you to a woman stupider than you were. You see, it’s not only that women are self unaware, it is that men know how to exploit it and KEEP them self unaware. Much like White people create making delicious fried chicken, shitty Black reality shows, bright jewelry and red Kool-Aid to keep Blacks too distracted to make real change (By doing things like….voting and getting real damn jobs. You can’t put “hypeman” or “Rick Rossin’ It” on your W2’s), men exploit women’s insecurities and general distain for the social norms about sexuality to get what they want and guide women into thinking they are getting what they want out of something. You would figure they learn but women usually end up making the same mistake repeatedly until they convince themselves they don’t mind being treated that way until the realize that maybe spreading like an Urban Meyer or Rich Rodriguez (LOOK IT UP! MY HUMOR GOES ACROSS ALL LINES!) offense isn’t the best idea but at that point they are emotionally used up and broken….by 27. That was a sick burn, but it’s what I do. Let’s keep this bus rolling along!
Question #3: “Why Are Men Champs At Making The Worst Decisions?”
Now this goes back to the above statement about women being self-unaware. You see, men are not necessarily SMARTER than women in a conventional aspect. Women read (WITCHES! BURN THAT BITCH AT THE STAKE! Sorry….I get all Salem sometimes) and study in my opinion on an even par with men. In college, female students were able to recite the lecture or the book a hell of a lot better than male students. However, when it came to critical thinking or logical discussion (Which a woman will turn into an argument because in my opinion arguments have no logic behind them, discussions do. Semantics, bitches!) women really struggled. Case in point, my respone to “women have done more for America than anyone else” was “name one female inventor or political figure that has done anything for ALL people, not just women.” Their response was “shut up!” so I knew that rather than say “I don’t know right now” or “none” they had no retort and got emotional saying “that is so a MAN response” to which I said “Yeah, that LOGIC will kill a senseless rebuttal point.” Now after that all but two women in the class hated me (One was dating me and got really militant after that….rightfully so) but it taught me something about women and myself: I don’t always make the best decisions, even if they are right.
Let me go back to the question. It isn’t about men making BAD decisions in relationships or life just as much as it isn’t about (contrary to what I have said but I will explain) women making bad decisions in life or relationships. It is about making UNHEALTHY decisions. Now I know damn well I have made some unhealthy decisions in the last two years (Rick? Griff? Zach? Anyone want to back that up with some testimonials of my stupidity?) so I may not be an expert on it but in the famous words of Konnan…
YO YO YO YO YO LET ME SPEAK ON DIS! VIVA LA RAZA!
Sorry, WCW moment there. BTW, I hope everything is going well with the guy. I miss him with LAX. Anyway, I believe that when it comes to a relationship most normal men (Which sadly is about 17-20% of us) will make an unhealthy decision for US to make the other person happy. Now I am familiar with your story and I can say that fits the bill. I hear most women complain about a boyfriend or husband that was a total toolkit and didn’t compromise and at first I would say “What a cad!” until I did more investigation and would realize that every once in a while he literally bent over backward to make things work despite her daddy issues, problems with previous men or just fear of being loved (I think they call that “whoredom” but I could be wrong). Now don’t get me wrong, of every ten (I knew a lot of people in college….when I was popular. Like the opposite of high school) relationships I saw in eight the dude was a total Douchebag McPhee. However, those last two the women were fucking evil, vindictive bitches and the dudes just wanted to make it work but at the same time knew it wouldn’t. Why did he stay and even bother? Because he felt compromise was the best decision.
As we have seen with our President and our football players (Dear Brett Farve. On second and four in overtime YOU RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL! I hate you) men usually just run headlong into shit and when it doesn’t work they go “fuck this, I’m invading Iran” or “we didn’t know we couldn’t do that” and run. Or just have their term end. Men (More so that women in some cases) are selfish and self serving when it comes to a relationship, that’s why most don’t get into them. That is why women expect it as well. So sometimes when a man gets into a relationship, if he is smart he has thought it out and said “this is a woman I don’t hate and can spend more than five minutes with and not plot her gruesome death.” Not….that I have thought that…ever. So when things go wrong and it looks like one partner is unhappy, he sometimes makes a decision (Or decisions) to make moves that he thinks will help the relationship at the expense of his sanity and happiness. Now it may not be a BAD decision at the time because he believes that it will please the other party (Don’t get it twisted, women do the exact same thing. However, I have seen it be for the wrong reason) but it is UNHEALTHY because you created a stop-gap solution to save something that either shouldn’t have been saved or if it had been still would have been painful for you, maybe even both parties.
So to completely answer your question, it varies between the kinds of guy. There are some guys out there that consistently fuck over women which could be seen as a bad decision out there but it is a big world out there and you can fuck over a lot of people. Same goes for women, I actually had one of my best friends in college because we got fucked over by a woman…the same woman. Long story. However, I am taking this question from the aspect of a dude that made a bad decision to fix a situation, not to justify his own means. I can tackle that later on if the peeps want (Because those asshats PISS ME THE FUCK OFF AND GIVE ME A BAD NAME) but from the perspective I think you are coming from I believe that some men make the worst decisions because they are selfish pricks and are looking to get head or over someone. I mean if that is you then be you but you will probably be shot by a crazy bitch or end up with the herp if you do that. There is a smaller sect of man that makes a bad decision to fix a larger problem that they hope in the long run will help the relationship. In retrospect and in analysis (I am such a fuckup…) that rarely works because if you have to make that big of a sacrifice (On either end, male or female) then you didn’t do your due diligence in making sure they were a fit or maybe they pulled a Chris Rock and have had their representative dating or married to you the whole time and they just aint the right fit for you:
Aaahhh, keeping up the lie. I lived this before the comedy special. Then I saw it and nearly cried in pain. In the end, men are the champions of making bad decision because if you get to the point that you have to make a decision that could be seen as bad….there really isn’t such a thing as a GOOD decision in that case. Either way, someone is going to be hurt but you gotta charge it up as a loss and charge it to the game. Okay, we have one more question left on this bus ride….
Bonus Question: “At What Point Do Girls Go From Little Angel To Fucking Bitch That Uses Men’s Feelings As Their Little Play Things?!”
Okay….this is too big for an Omnibus. Sorry Joey Joe Joe (He sent the question) but this is one that deserves its own post. So peeps, tune in on Sunday when I complete this Omnibus and answer Joey Joe Joe’s question!
Well that is all for now. It took a while (Two bottles of sojo and a Blue Moon in about….11 minutes. This will be the greatest seven minutes ever!) but I was able to get through all the questions in about an hour, give or take the trip to Safeway and liquor store. Well tomorrow is America’s Best Dance Crew and I will have another recap and the Countdown on Friday. I will be back either Saturday morning before the BYOB and YC’s or Sunday night before Venture Brothers. If any of you have any questions you want addressed on the Omnibus finale on Saturday or Sunday then let me know. I will get as many answered as I can. If not, there is always the next one! Until then, stay up peeps!
What is up, peeps! The omnibus is running a little bit late because I was busy all day today but things are looking up. Looks like Denver is once again, like Florida in the 2000 Presidential Election, is in play. I’ll tell you more if you care but I know you don’t so let’s just get back to why you came here: to be offended.
So as you know I am creating a collection of my blogs and new thoughts into book form…but it is not a book. I have been putting about a page every few days into each chapter and since I am up to 18 chapters (And I haven’t included an Anime or Gaming chapters so it is going to get longer) it will end up being a work in progress. However, since most of my blogs were about that in the beginning I have a good 10-12 pages worth of them already and just need more.
So here is the continuation of Chapter Six (Of Eighteen) as I already put up some of the chapter a few weeks ago (Early June, I believe). So, I give to you what I have so far of the chapter. Not much, but it’s a start:
Fucking For Free: What Are You, Communist?
Now I have noticed a lot of backlash from women toward pornstars and there can only be one real reason for that. They get paid to do things that you have done for free. A great rhetor named Pimp-C once said that “pussy sells” and dammit, he was right. If you are a woman and you are broke then it is of your own doing because the only things in this world that are in constant demand are:
• Gas • Pussy • Copiesof Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” (Seriously, there are Africans with AIDS that have no fucking food but know the whole dance routine to the “Thriller” video. I guess because they know that Mike won’t be fucking them. BURN)
And the stock of pussy is dropping like Sun Microsystems stock. Pornstars are getting their cash fetti while they still can while the rest of you are pissed off because you can’t take the initiative to do that while you do the exact same mouthfucking for a few drinks and MAYBE a light bill. Not only is Angelina Valentine GOOD at it, she gets paid better than I do and guarantee that she gets paid better than most females I know. She has a job, she does it well and she gets paid for it. You don’t see me hating on Kobe Bryant or Dwayne Wade because they play basketball better than I can. I know my limits and dropping 45 points on the fucking Suns is one of them. Just because you can suck a dick doesn’t mean you should get paid for it. Or should you? Your choice, either get with the program or shut the fuck up.
Don’t Hate Because You Aren’t A Pro
This is something that is very interesting to me because of something Huey from “The Boondocks” once said:
“All women aint hoes, Riley. Seventy….seventy-five percent tops.”
I cannot sit back and say that line is TRUE but I can say that of my female friends that have divulged their sex counts with me it is well over 50 for each. And I say to myself, “And bitch, you are still broke?!” I am broke for a reason: most women aint trying to fuck my fat ass. Those that are…holla at your boy….when you are SOBER. In all seriousness, what is with all the hateration for porn stars? I stated before in my last point that the majority of women that fuck are NOT fucking for money. They aren’t even fucking for RENT. Now I understand that many women claim that they are having sex for love or because of how it feels and I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Logically, let’s put this into perspective. If I could get paid for playing video games, I would get better at it. If my knowledge of anime could make me cash fetti you are DAMN RIGHT I would watch it and get paid for it. I watch that shit for free now and it has gotten me nothing except a small circle of friends and the opposite sex ignoring the shit out of me. The simple fact is that if I got paid for doing something as trivial yet embarrassing as letting my knowledge of anime or video games (Or even in this case, porn) be known if I enjoy it you damn right I am going to do it. Hell, if there was a market for big, Black dudes in porn I would be all over it! Yet women have the audacity to call porn stars “whores” for getting paid to do something they got good at. “Oh my god! They can’t get paid for doing something that I do for free and they do it better than I do!” Get a grip, ladies. Literally. Ladies, rather than insulting porn stars why don’t you try to get in on that racket? When I wanted to be a rapper, I honed my rhyme skills. I knew I could be better than some (Well….all) of the rappers out there and I took a shot at it. If YOU want to get some of that porn star money then grab a dick and start practicing! Get yourself some sex training and create a montage out of it! You have all the tools to do what they do but you don’t because you think you are above it. Fuck that, no one is above shit. If you aren’t going to take two wangs on camera and get paid for it then maybe you shouldn’t do it on tape at all. Just a thought for all you ladies out there that will film for free. Better get yourselves a Union or some shit.
Pretty good, right? Or not so much. Like I said….work in progress. Well, here is an excerpt of Chapter Seven entitled “Are You Still Talking? Because I Stopped Listening To You An Hour Ago.” Yes, that is the name of the chapter. This thing is going to RULE!
You Got To Beat Them To Keep Them
Now understand something about me right here and right now: I don’t believe that hitting a woman is right in any way shape or form. I have been hit by a woman and shockingly enough my first response wasn’t to hit her (It was to block but she was QUICK) as much as it was to just leave that situation before it got out of hand. So I don’t understand how any man’s response to a violent act by a woman is more violence is a woman because if a woman makes the first strike that woman is obviously crazy and has shit she needs to deal with. All that being said, it seems that a woman that is beaten is a woman that is kept. Now I live in only one tiny section of this blue and green orb we call Earth but from what I have seen and experienced a woman that is abused somehow gets into her little brain (1/3rd the size of a man, look it up) that it is either acceptable to put up with that kind of treatment or that they are too scared to leave. Understand one thing real quick: abuse is a crime. I despise the term “hate crime” because any crime whether it be assault or menacing is a crime just as much as I despise the term “domestic abuse” because assault is assault no matter whether it is a stranger or your wife. Fuck the emotional aspect to it, he breaks the law he goes to jail. So if it is in YOUR mind that YOU can’t leave then it is YOUR damn fault that YOU continue to get hit. I am sorry, that is just logic. The law is on your side as is public opinion so the fact that women live for years in abusive homes that isn’t Tina Turner only has herself to blame. None of you have platinum albums and none of you have Grammy’s to win so you have no need to actually stay there. I am not marginalizing the pain and suffering as much as I am taking you to task for the result of your inaction. Or….your stupid actions.
Now I was speaking to Griff and he told me something that I have been saying for years about women that we know that were in abusive relationships: they had to get their point across at the expense of their face. This is so fucking true and I know it is unfair but like I accept not going some places in the South (Or Colorado, for that matter), TOUGH SHIT. The majority of abuse occurs during or after an argument and in what I have heard (And seen, rough shit) it happens after she says something that was really not needed. You see, women are like that basketball team that does a slam dunk on a breakaway after the game is already won or lost. You have already won or lost the game so doing anything showboaty is seen as a slight. Now add in a crazy-ass nigga and his inability to handle conflict from you and what do you THINK will happen if you continue to mouth off to him? He will admit you are right? Bitch please; he will CATCH YOU with a right to the gut! Then you want to get upset. No, you should have just left it how it was because either you knew that man was one quip from busting your lip or now you KNOW he is one quip from busting you lip and you need to go. Either way, there should never be a second time. It is like trying to explain the importance of bio-fuels to a hungry grizzly bear wearing a salmon costume. That bear doesn’t care if it can save the planet, BITCH YOU LOOK LIKE SALMON AND YOU ARE GOING TO GET SLAPPED!
Really makes you think. That and it really fills up space. But that is life, my friends. I will be back up at some point this week before Friday but until then, stay up peeps.
I'm back, bitches! Let me start off with a little bit of prose....
This is a cry for mercy, I promise My success would be the death of you Low and behold, You sold ya soul, there’s nothing left of you Look in the mirror, ask yourself “who are you?” If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?
Okay, I am back on the scene and for you sharp eyed thugs out there you know that is from “The Realest Killaz” by 2Pac and....ugh....50 Cent. However, I will tell you with a straight face that his verse in this song is the only work he has ever done that I liked. The reason is simple: if you are not comfortable with yourself, you can never truly be happy. It is that fucking simple.
Now as many of you know I am batshit crazy. You know what? I don’t give a fuck how any of you feel about it. You think I am a dick? Eat one, motherfucker. You think I am conceited and pretentious? You damn right I am and I have earned that right because I always embrace a chance to learn so I have garnered a lot of knowledge and life experience. Don’t get on my shit because your dumb ass doesn’t know who Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are. You think I am a nerd and you see that as being anti-social? Fuck you, prick. Just because I don’t spend my day banging skanks and drinking brews with the bros but actually think of ways to get my shit right doesn’t make me a nerd. It makes you a fuckwit and I hope you fucking die before you can procreate. Although, usually the stupid fuck like imprisoned rabbits during conjugal visits and make more children which means we have a shitload of rednecks and niggas (See: Idiocracy) and of course an assload of AIDS ridden Africans. Yes, I went there. If you aint ready for what I just said then stop reading now because this shit is going to get hardcore because I am through fucking around with people. I need a concealed weapons permit but I know I would become the Punisher or some shit because you gots to go.
With all that is good about me, I have accepted my faults. I know I am a fattie and I try to work on it. At the same time....I loves me some chicken. It is delicious and you know it. I should do better but I don’t and I recognize that shit. I chalk it up as a loss, charge it to the game and work on that shit when I can. I know I can be PERCIEVED as an asshole but one person’s “asshole” is another person’s “funniest nigga alive.” You think everyone thought Richard Pryor, George Carlin or Redd Foxx was funny? Hell no, they were band and called offensive and ruiners of the American youth. Yet, they didnt care. They did what they thought was funny and if you actually listened you learned some shit, too. Except for Redd Foxx....that nigga was just messed up in the head. He was funny as shit, though! Some of you have said I have problems with women which is false. I have problems with the women I KNOW AND HAVE DEALT WITH but I don’t lump them all as one group like some women do men (Or each other which is PRICELESS) as an attempt to create some skewed understanding of why your life is fucked up. Quit being a fucking tard and realize that people are different and even the most normal person will act different under varying stimuli. If he acts a little crazy because you don’t shut the fuck up and he acts a little crazy when you DO shut the fuck up then that nigga is really crazy and you need to go. Don’t collect $200 (Or child support which is SO SPECIAL because kids have no concept of that shit but hey, it aint my gig to judge) just leave and figure out what about you makes you drive people away or bring the dickwads. Oh, and same for men. I am living proof. I had my mom call me out on the fact I attract stupid bitches and crazy women because I will actually listen to them when I should be kicking them in the chest and running away (Her words, not mine. I tell you I would vote for her as President. Except for the fact she would have the “Shoot My Son On Sight” law) and I took myself to task and asked myself what makes this happen? If you don’t do that then you should shut the fuck up because if you don’t know you own problems you can’t judge anyone else. Nor should you, but I will touch on that later.
Now if you address the problem and you can’t fix it, there is nothing wrong with that. Contrary to what shrinks and dickweed talk show hosts want you to believe, there is nothing wrong with a little bit of dysfunctionality. It gives you character and actually gives you a little better outlook on shit. I listen to Griff and Zach about women because they have dealt with some crazy bitches, just like me. I aint going to take advice on women from a nigga that got married out of college because he knocked his girlfriend up and has been miserable ever since on some subjects. He may be able to give me sound advice on some things but not everything! You see, being dysfunctional is only bad if it is all you know and will accept. If you are used to having your ass kicked by a man (Or a woman...long story. I was scared!) that is actually okay. As long as you KNOW it is dysfunctional and make an attempt to stay away from that dynamic. Now if you are CONSTANTLY with a different man that is kicking your ass on the daily (Or hourly which is a championship beater and I tip my hat) then you really need to not fucking date LET ALONE MARRY. A man only kicks your ass because you let him get away with it. Seriously, a man knows that LOOKING AT A WOMAN THE WRONG WAY CAN LEAD TO JAIL TIME. Or ending up like Emmitt Till but that may have been too far....naaaaaah. I keeps it real, real offensive. So if a man hits you the first time and you do nothing, there is a problem with you and a bigger problem with him but at that point it’s like not calling a borderline hard foul in the NBA as a flagrant foul. You can’t let three or four hard checks in the lane go and then all of a sudden call a flagrant on a breakaway over the back foul. I mean you CAN but the repercussions are a lot greater (Public scrutiny, suspension, being dissed by Shaq in a battle “rap”) than if you had called everything how it was. If you can’t understand that analogy then you deserve to get hit. Now some will say that “No woman ever deserves to get hit” and I disagree but you should just NEVER DO IT. Everyone deserves to get a foot broken off in their ass; you should just never do it to a woman. I need to put that on a t-shirt.
So I am sure that you are wondering what the hell this post is even about. Well, I am too because I just started typing after a few drinks and my six minutes of drunkenness has worn off because I and a fattie. However, I want to touch back on the initial quote from that 2Pac song I have at the top:
If you don’t know who you are, how could ya dreams come true?
Simple line and a rather deep quote. Almost doesn’t belong in Fiddy’s vernacular but here we are. Now if you don’t know what makes you “you” then how can you except to be with anyone else and be happy? I know who I am, and that is how I KNOW that I can never be with anyone else and be happy....unless it’s Mandy Moore: Oh, Mandy. Restraining orders can’t keep me from you! Well, they CAN but you get the idea. The simple fact is no one gives a fuck about you. Hell, no one gives a fuck about anyone. Oh, it’s nice to pretend we care about what is going on in Darfur or that we know where it is (It’s just south of Detroit, right?) but at the end of the day the majority people are selfish. Much like I said about being shallow, there is nothing wrong with being selfish. It can alienate you and keep you from helping or meeting people but at the end, some of the greatest advances in people were created in selfishness:
• The Cotton Gin: Lazy Negros didn’t want to spend all day in the field. That was fine, more time to beat them! Can’t beat them while they work, it lowers productivity. I’m...so never going to get married after this. • Slam Dunk Competition: You think any of us would give a fuck about a Dee Brown, Spud Webb or Dominique Wilkins? Fuck no. None of us do NOW, but for like 8 minutes, they were glorious dunking darkies. Hey, they should change the name of the Seattle Supersonics to the Oklahoma City Dunking Darkies! Man, I need to stop! • Breast Implants: The female version of getting a BMW. You think it makes up for all your faults and gives you self esteem but in the end it just makes you look like a moron. But it’s all about you and that is all that matters! • Masturbation: The ultimate in self-gratification. Initially, they were going to call “self-gratification” masturbation but it felt too good to have such a generic meaning. • Mormonism: Or as I call it “Christianity: The Quest For More Cash Money” because they are all about that fetti. We all hate on them, but they are getting rich off of God. And isnt that what he is there for? How many of you pray to God for money or help with bills? They said “fuck that shit” and did it their damn selves. Can’t hate on that, but the Wolven wouldn’t have that shit. • The Keytar: The ultimate in not just selfishness, but in ego-tripping. You know that the keyboard player wanted the cockgobbling groupie love the guitarist got so some lonely fuck created the keytar to capture some of that 80’s hairsprayed Jersey girl tang. I guess it worked.... • Breaking Up The Band: Paul Simon, Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Sting, Beyonce, Busta Rhymes and of course George Michael all said “fuck the band, I want that cash money!” and went solo. We are all better people for it. I guess, I personally only like George Michael and Paul Simon. You can call me Al, too! We are soulmates! Please someone get that reference.....
So selfishness actually helps out everyone. Understand another thing, just because there is nothing WRONG with it doesn’t mean you should BE selfish. Knowing what you want isn’t being selfish just like knowing what you are attracted to isn’t being shallow. However, if you are willing to sabotage yourself and others because you are unhappy, that is being selfish. Well, let me take that back. That is being a FUCKTARD. Dumb shit like that gives selfish people a bad name. If what you WANT is destructive to yourself or others because that in itself is selfish. If you are okay with your actions then like I have always said you have to be you. At the end of the day, you can’t continually be selfish about your actions and expect good things to happen to you. Hitler was pretty fucking selfish and he died of a gunshot wound to the head in a bunker like a punk bitch. Kind of like Light in “Death Note”:
FUCKED UP. I was expecting him to just go apeshit and start writing down everyone he ever knew or something. Anyway, like I was saying. Being selfish is quite alright, as long as you are okay about where you will end up. If you aren’t happy where you end up then stop being selfish. Gawd, what is so difficult about that? For such an advanced and revered society, we sure do have a lot of simple problems that we can’t seem to fucking fix. You think the Sudanese worry about “I wish I could just find a guy and keep him without fucking it up because I am born to undo myself like the pants of Korean whore during shore leave?” No, because they speak in clicks and beeps. Man....I am never going to find a wife at this rate.
Okay, back to what I believe is the whole point of this quasi-rant (Wait, at four pages this is officially a sleep-deprived diatribe). Everything in your life is based around how you feel about yourself. I learned that after high school after trying to fit in and be what I was not (Griff, remember the braids? Man...I was not the fashion icon I am now) that sometimes being yourself means understanding that you are not perfect. But you know what? Perfection is pointless. Seriously, once you achieve perfection all you can do is start over. What makes us human is the fact that we strive to be the best we can be. Which is all God in all his (Or her for you people who think that God could actually be a woman....but it would explain why the Bible makes no sense and bounces around like a freshman girl at a kegger. ZING!) imperfections asks of you. We are a work in progress, people. I quite a dude that has become arguably my second favorite captain in Bleach after this dialog:
“In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion. Regardless of those who utter the contrary. This is the reality.....the common man seeks it out. They aspire to achieve it, as if it were some tangible thing. But...the fact of the matter is, perfection is a hollow shell....it is devoid of any substance. I spit on perfection. Perfection after all, implies that you’ve reached the summit....no trial and error....no ability to conceptualize. An omniscient being would have no need for such superfluous things.
Am I making myself clear?
For those people who dabble in the sciences such as ourselves, perfection would render us obsolete. Many magnificent things have been and will continue to come into existence and yet, everyone last one of them will fall short of perfection’s finish line. Our function as men of science relies on their many shortcomings. Then....and only then can we apply the fruits of our labor. To put it simply... as soon as you began spouting that nonsense about being an immaculate being...your fate was sealed.”
Wordy? Yes but Bleach usually is. And once again, anime serves the real life like “Breakin.” People are selfish, shallow, petty, prejudiced beings and most of this is gathered over time. However, it is how you take yourself to task on your imperfections that makes you who you are. To constantly be a habitual line stepper (I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH! Rest in peace, you Black mother fucker!) about the same shit isn’t striving for perfection, it is accommodating imperfection which is even unhealthier. Ask yourself, “Who are you” and until you can answer that question and are okay with the answer you give you have to work at it. Working at it for YEARS (You know who you are) isn’t progress. That is like saying that OJ is still trying to find the killers of those two White people he killed. You are lying to yourself and you are lying to America. It may be okay for a President, but it aint okay for you. DOUBLE BURN! I AM THE BURN MASTER!
Well, that is all for now. I will be back up tomorrow at some point for some reason that is unbeknownst to me right now. I am considering doing a full rant about abortion, but I am sure my readership will drop. To like...two. You all know my stance but it couldn't hurt to voice it loudly and proudly. Also, stay tuned as my 600th post on Blogger is coming up and I am probably doing another Omnibus (Straight up, not specialized) and if I get enough questions I MAY do a Reader's Choice Omnibus! All six readers out there, send your questions and I will answer them as frankly and offensively as possible. You know how I do. Until then, stay up.
Happy Birthday America! It is the 4th of July and it is Friday which means it is time for the first ever Independence Day edition of…
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with the King of the South….and the King of the Countdown!
20. T.I. – No Matter What (New Entry)
T.I. is back! It has been a long while since we have seen the King of the South on the Countdown but he has made a triumphant return! The song is retrospective seeing as how he did the ultimate in douchery and had enough guns to take down Beirut. However, the video is simple and fits the song perfectly. What can I say, I fucks with T.I. 19. Colbie Caillat – Realize (Last Week #16) I also used to fucks with Colbie but it looks like that is about to end as she falls to number nineteen this week. Nothing new from her in a while and that is a shame. She was beginning to grow on me. 18. Yui – Summer Song (New Entry)
It is officially the summer of Yui! This is her third video of the year and with arguably the biggest album of 2008 (Not by Lil’ Wayne, of course) this may just be the Year of Yui! I am all about this song and video right now and it is about to show! 17. Kanye West feat. Chris Martin – Homecoming (Last Week #14, One Week at #1) So Coldplay is topping the charts and Amy Winehouse is calling Kanye a cunt. I won’t tell them about their video being on the verge of falling of the Countdown. 16. UVERworld – Just Break The Limit! (Last Week #13) After peaking at number thirteen for the last two weeks, Takuya and the boys fall three big spots this week. I can’t believe they are already on the verge of releasing a new album. None of this three to four years bullshit like American artists. 15. Seamo feat Ayuse Kozue - Honey (Last Week #17) Yes, Seamo is STILL making moves upward on the Countdown, jumping up two spots this week. Also picked up his album and I must say….it is not bad. That’ll do, Seamo. That’ll do. 14. Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love In This Club (Last Week #11, Three Weeks at #1) New Jeezy video coming soon! Until then, this video falls three big spots this week. 13. Ikimono-Gakari - Bluebird (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover) So I officially love this song and video. I would put it as the ringtone but no one would get it except for anime fans (Same as usual) but….”Carameldansen” can’t go just yet. 12. Aqua Timez - Niji (Last Week #10)
Okay, it is about time for some new face rocking Aqua Timez. After “Alones” I am expecting to have my face violated with rock and it is not happening. DO IT NOW! 11. Wonder Girls – So Hot (Last Week #15) Speaking of violation….I am so going to jail. It’s like Hinoi Team all over again. Either way, The Wonder Girls are one spot short of the Top 10. Que the feds. 10. Kelun – SIXTEEN GIRL (Last Week #8) WHERE IN THE FUCK IS CHU-BURA?! QUIT FUCKING WITH ME! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED! 9. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Hot Limit (Last Week #12)
W00T! High and Mighty Color are back in the Top 10! I just cant believe that TM is in the damn video for this! That is so tits! This song has always been bad ass and what is weirder is Hiroko sounds more manly than TM. I’m just saying. 8. Toshinobu Kobuta feat. Misia - Flying Easy Loving Crazy (Last Week #6, Two Weeks at #1) It has been a slow drop just like it was a slow rise but Kobuta amd Misia contine to fall this week. Anyone know when TK’s new album is coming? I am all about that shit. 7. BACK-ON – Sands of Time (Last Week #9)
BACK-ON is slowly but surely moving upward this week. I cannot not find NARY A ONE of their mini-albums. I have their singles (Which rule) but they have I think two or three mini albums that I cannot find. Little help here? 6. Usher – Moving Mountains (Last Week #7) Usher moves up the mountain yet again this week as we move along. Not going to lie to you, I really am feeling this song right now. Kind of the story of my life as of right now. But thems the breaks. 5. Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair (Last Week #3) Alicia Keys falls two spots this week but holds on to the Top Five. I would figure that she would dominate the summer with those hips of hers (GAWD DAMN I LOVE YOU!) but here we are. I am “Muy Trieste.” 4. Game feat Keisha Cole – Pain (Last Week #5) Game is back with a new video! Supposedly there is a video filmed for “Dope Boys” with Travis Barker from Blink 182 on drums. Interesting combo, but that song is BANGIN! Until then his latest moves up a spot this week as Game attempts to get is ever elusive number one video. We are down to three! 3. Chris Brown - Forever (Last Week #4)
The song has been out for what seems like forever but it finally makes the Top Three! Can Chris Brown be the next Usher and rule the summer? We will have to see because he is off to a great start so far! I can’t believe he was almost banned from here. 2. YA-KYIM – Super Looper (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
The reign for YA-KYIM is officially over! NOOOOOOOO! After three weeks on top and beginning the summer on a sexy note they fall a spot to number two. It was a great run but een Bennie K and UGK had to fall from the top. Well if they are at number two….who is at number one on this Independence Day? 1. Paramore – That’s What You Get (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
FINALLY!! After two videos and over a year of working at it Paramore has taken the top spot! It has been a long two month trek but they can finally take the throne for female led rock that HAMC and Evanescence could not! This song really captures me right now….how sad. Either way, it is bad ass. Congrats to Hayley and the band for taking the crown!
That is all for this week! Tune in next week to see if Paramore can continue to ride high for a second straight week? Or will YA-KYIM take back what they feel belongs to them? Or will Chris Brown stun everyone and continue the Year of R&B? Come back in 7 days and find out!
Well, I am going to see Hancock tonight so anyone that is down let me know. Until next time, HAPPY 4th OF JULY!
