Sympathy For The Devil!

Top of the evening to ye bastards! I am back on the scene with the gangsta lean! It is a rather letdown of a Monday (I was TOTALLY hoping for a blizzard so I could work remote) as Colorado Springs is officially Colorado’s taint and a half. Whenever I want it to snow, it doesn’t. As soon as I have something to do the wrath of Shiva rains upon me like a summon in Final Fantasy VIII:

Takes shorter time though, I will give reality that. So with that being said I guess this is post number 501 but…what the hell if Star Trek can shake off episode counting I can do it to posts. So I give to you…

Passion of Chachi’s 500th Post Recap Show Extravaganza!!!

So this will be in two parts. The first part (Or today’s post) will be a look back at my first 500 posts and reminisce about a better time when I was young, idealistic and a fun-loving go-getter with a pep in his step and a can-do attitude. Now, I really just realize that life is just a series of spirit-crushing defeats and sob-inducing lows until all those losses and heartbreaks help you get enough strength to achieve Bankai and you finally slay your inner puss:

Yeah, just like Ichigo vs. his inner hollow except my inner hollow liked to listen to power ballads and cry like a Boy Scout after the last overnighter of the year when he had to “learn the ways of being a man” by sharing a sleeping back with the scout master. Glad THAT shit is over. But I digress. Sometimes you have to know where you have been before you can know where you must go as to not to repeat your past mistakes. So, let us look back, shall we?

2006

The date was January 17th, 2006. After being unemployed for about two weeks and not showing up to my first day at T-Mobile (The beginning of my odyssey of like 20 jobs in 20 months after having 2 in almost 8 years) I decided I needed to apply myself. So I created a blog to capture my thoughts for the masses. Now back then I was a bright-eyed 25 year old who despite being raped by the man (Getting laid off kind of sucked even though I was paid for like…9 months afterward) was still optimistic about the world and thought that women had souls (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….bullshit) and the only thing you needed to worry about at a frat party was partying way too hard. As if there was such a thing which there ISN’T. It is funny; my first blog will be forever linked with the one man I despise more than anyone: 50 Cent. I barely remember this post but man when I wrote it I was PISSED. It began not only my love/hate relationship with hip hop but also my love/hate relationship with of all people Black women. It seems that back then I used to have Black friends that would read this and Black women said I was “hating” almost 4:1 over Black men saying it. Even though their only defense was that “50 is fine!” which scientifically showed that Black women may be stupider than silverbacks (More on my love of bestiality jokes later. I’m provocative!) when it comes to these matters because even a beast in the deepest and darkest of the jungle wouldn’t mate with that fucker. As you can tell….I’m STILL kind of an ass.

I noticed looking back that in the beginning I used to rant more. I ranted on the Confederate Flag, Cowboy Troy’s stupid Black ass, the decline of Hip Hop, the double-standard of women (Wanting all the power and none of the responsibility...which led to the zebra analogy) and of course just dipshits in general. Keep in mind that working in Denver I had a LOT of fodder to work with but at the end of the day I was beginning to find my stride as a blogger. My blogs were all over the place (anime one day, video games the next, women the next, etc) and that personally is what made the blog great. Add in some staples like the Countdown every Friday (Which I have only missed once. Dedication, bitches!) and of course “Learnin’ With Master Chief Captain Chachi” which taught us about the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy among other things (J-Pop 101, Offensive Humor and of course….Thugs). Even though 2006 ended on a bad note with me quitting my old job at The Q, I still had the tear stained keyboard of my blog that is my dear diary.

2007

Now this is where the proverbial shit hit the fan. The blog literally blew up as people started to read the damn thing and I became less prohibitive about my life. Even though the amount of posts went down from 2006, they were longer and I had nearly twice as many rants in 2007. With good reason, too. My life was FUCKED UP in 2007 and man….I actually enjoyed every minute of it because I was able to share it with the peeps. From the highs of seeing Wicked and The Little Mermaid to the lows of Chris Benoit and my total sham of a love life. It was all on here and you all read it…and laughed. Rightfully so; that is why I did it. In 2007 the blog became more than just something to do with my free time (and with so many jobs I rarely had any of it). It became my outlet for my views and a place to make people laugh, cry or even hate my guts. Yes, I totally pissed off about 94% of the female population including 98% of my female friends with my words on this bad boy. You know what? I really didn’t care. In retrospect, nothing that I said was wrong. Offensive? Maybe to the plebeians and ones that embodied my rant topics. Hurtful? Yes, the truth usually is because many of us don’t live it. Boy, do I know it. Dead on? You bet your sweet, sweet ass I was. Hey, it was all for help and entertainment. I am a showman and a shrink. Before any of you say that I am a trainwreck I know my faults, I just don’t care. I’m me and happy. Aside from the collie thing.

A lot of good came from 2007. Douchebrawl 2007 had triple the votes of 2006 and the 2nd Annual Chachi Awards actually got comments (Two…but it’s a start!). It was also a big year for “Master Chief Captain Chachi Goes Hollywood” with big reviews for Transformers, Spiderman 3, ATHFCMFFT and the surprising Ratatouille. I learned that Comcast is the devil (Man, am I having conversation about the Cast and their bandwidth tampering that is pissing me off right now. Fuck them) and that women are in the same club. 2007 was a year of instablility and the blog proved it. Did I ever really make sense in this thing? I mean I was borderline manic depressive! But by the end of the year everything made sense again as I went back…to where I fricking started from. And you know what? That ain’t such a bad thing:

Horrible movie, awesome song.

2008

So what does that leave for this year? Most comments about my blog in 2008 is that it is more pointed but it has gotten HELLA BITTER, especially during February to which I will admit. Valentine’s Day was an awkward time for me, I tell you what. However, this year has been more pointed and as you can tell, even thought I have definitely grown from the start of this blog the anger has not changed. Nor will it. As evident by the fact that I have a new rant for today! Can I get a whoop-whoop?!

Today’s Rant: Sympathy

First off, fuck St. Patrick’s Day. There, I said it. But once again…I digress. Now follow me on this one. Let’s take a mouse in a maze as an example. When a mouse goes through the maze and finds cheese, it always goes for it. It is instinct; all animals need sustenance at some point. Now if that cheese has an electric current running through it, the mouse gets shocked and backs away. Unsure what the fuck just happened (As would I. Brie is good but it aint a conduit), the mouse usually goes after it a second time…only to get zapped again. This happens about 65%-75% of the time, the other times the mouse says “fuck this shit, I’m gonna get me some peanut butter” and leaves it alone. Now after the second time, science has proven that the mouse will go for the cheese a third time about 50% of the time if it is hungry. The other 50% it will leave it alone and go away, understanding that if it tries to eat the cheese again that it will get shocked and it didn’t feel good. Now if electroshock is it’s thing that it will OF COURSE go after it but unless you are in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” that aint nobody’s thing. Now after time, science has proven that this is the same for even larger brained animals like cats, dogs and even monkeys (or Fiddys). After a negative reaction to something that they initially showed interest in will normally result in a lack of interest in said option and will cause a seeking out of a better and less painful solution. It is the same in the jungle with prey and predators. So….why do women get into the same shit over and over again and expect people to feel any sort of sympathy for their repeated attempts to achieve the pointless or proven unnecessary result? Are we to assume that once again….wildlife is smarter?

Say what you will about emotions and all of that jazz. At the end of the day, even the most basic of creatures use a logical progression to figure out their survival. I am not going to say animals don’t feel emotion (I believe that Shaolin watches “Homeward Bound” for a good cry) but they respond to stimuli in a LOGICAL fashion. They get bit, they attack or flee. When they are hungry, they either eat or go hungry. When they are sick, they eat grass or go to Safeway. At least Nala did; she used to drink that Lean but after the tragic death of Pimp C she backed off. Big ups to Sweet Jones. Let’s go into the emotional aspect. When a dog gets sent to the pound after being abused it takes time for it to adjust to new people once it gets adopted. It learns to trust again. Now if that family beats that dog, it is a dog and it for the most part has no other options except take it or run away. Dogs rely on the kindness of humans to help put a stop to it or it defends itself (Or cowers. That is also a part of instinct….ask the French. LE BURN!). Now let’s move to human beings. If you KNOW bad shit happens whenever you do something and you continue to do it then you are really at fault yourself. An animal is a victim because for the most part animals do not have the resources we do. Animals don’t have a police like they did in “Tailspin” or “Darkwing Duck” to call when things get rough. They really (for the most part) have no choice in the families they live with or the life they live. Humans do. You CHOOSE to date people. You ACCEPT a marriage proposal. If the time invested didn’t tell you that something was wrong or going to go wrong in that situation that is one thing. Some people aren’t dicks when you meet them. But some people are. Hell, MOST PEOPLE ARE.

Back to animals. We will never really know they have a concept of asshatery but when they see someone at the pound that they feel is a fucker, they usually growl or move away from said person. You know why? Instinct because animals can smell douchery. Now we humans with are highly advanced minds and superb educational system that gives women Psychology degrees for no reason except to keep them out of the kitchen (BAD MOVE!) can’t teach a simple way to NOT GET INTO A BAD SITUATION? REPEATEDLY?! I mean how many times has someone came to you with the EXACT same problem with a DIFFERENT person and you see the person and say “Are you fucking short some chromosomes?!” because you could smell the fucktard on said person from Hartford? More often than I can count, aieighty. What is even worse is the EXACT SAME PROBLEM WITH THE EXACT SAME PERSON. Fuck the definition of insanity, doing the same shit over and over again and expecting a different result is now the official definition of being a dumbass. I mean, a person that is insane really believes it will be different because they are fucking nuts. If you expect a different result from someone that has been a proven fucktard than to run around in a banana suit and calling themselves banana man at the first sign of being proven to be an idiot then they aren’t the idiot for lashing out like a ten year old at a Nintendo after losing to Mike Tyson in “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out” for the tenth time in a row:

Whoa…flashback. Back to my rant. YOU ARE THE IDIOT. They aren’t mentally sound enough to know that they are being a fucker. You on the other hand, if women are as smart as they claim to be, can logically see how arguing with a idiot is going to end. My goal for the day when I wake up is to make sure that I don’t get in situations where fucked up shit can happen. It is kind of my thing; I really don’t like drama so I try to avoid drama queens and fucktards. Now I have slipped up on that sometimes and I know some of you are out there saying, “Hey, you end up in jacked up situations and relationships all the time! Who are you to judge?” Well, very simple answer to that. I am NOT judging anyone; I am just laying down a logical path to stay out of trouble. I AM saying that if you keep doing the same thing over and over to yourself, pretty soon people stop giving a fuck and honestly I believe they should. At the end of the day, the only person that can judge you is you (God doesn’t count, because he loves you no matter what you do or how many alterboys you fuck in the ass. God bless Catholics!) so if YOU are okay with your decisions then knock yourself out. However, if you are looking for sympathy you obviously AREN’T happy with your actions so figure out the issue and remedy it. Even if that means making a decision that doesn’t seem right at first because in the end…it’s all about your sanity.

Also, I don’t have the SAME jacked up shit happen. I have DIFFERENT jacked up shit happen which not only means I have learned a lot but it means that I can have a good laugh at my own expense because I can chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. When you charge it to the game, you have to pay attention to the bill so you don’t end up getting that shitty entrée or watching that horrible movie again. That is one to grow on.

Sorry about the downer of a rant but that is some shit that must be said. That works for all walks of life, all ages and most problems. The evitable is one thing but when you know the end results it is up to you to make that choice for the better. Ask any boxer; the best counter-punch is stopping your opponents punch before they even throw it. Ask this dude:

Damn….now that’s gangsta. I am out for now. Depending on how Comcast wants to fuck with my bandwidth I will have the second half of my 500th Post Extravaganza tomorrow. This one is for the fellas. Hot ladies abound!

On another serious note, a big thanks to everyone that comes here. I truly appreciate you coming on and reading what I have to say. I hope you have enjoyed what I put up because I enjoy having an outlet to release my anger and give my insight. So you come on back now, ya hear? You always have a seat and a nice cool glass of knowledge and laughs at the Passion of Chachi. Until the next time we meet, you stay up now.

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.