So...Manhunt Isn't About My Search For Johnny Depp? Shennanigans!

The time has come, peeps. I had a little rant two days ago about video games and our rights as gamers to play the games some deem “offensive”. Well, for the first time in 10 years, a game is being banned in England, much like Tom Cruise sues people there. That place must REALLY suck.

Manhunt 2 has officially been banned for purchase/sale in the United Kingdom (barring an appeal with Rockstar may attempt) and “family rights groups” (which means bible thumping, booby hating, violence decrying aging redneck douches) are attempting to have the same thing happen here in America. To that gamers, we must say the nay no.

First off, I have read the coverage about Manhunt 2. It has a violent premise and is full of graphic killing and sadistic tones.

You know what? It doesn’t matter because odds are the game will end up being crappy. First off, name one game that is violent or offensive just for the sake of being violent and offensive that was any good? Thrill Kill? Anyone even REMEMBER that game aside me? The first Manhunt? Was intriguing for the first 45 minutes to an hour but after stabbing someone with an ice pick for the 8th time it lost its luster because it played like crap and the action was too few and far between. Quite simply, games of this ilk are bad not because of the content, but because of the game itself. These things usually work themselves out, see 2 Live Crew and most crappy horror movies.

Also, I am sick of the hypocrisy of America when it comes to violence. It wasn’t violent when movies in the 80’s (and 70’s) like Body Double and The Godfather were some of the most violent movies ever. I see grisly (and I mean GRISLY) images of the Iraq War on the news every night. Those aren’t pixels on TV; those are real shrapnel shards. Inside those tanks and exploding cars aren’t aliens or robots, they are human beings. There is no reset button for any of those people Gaza. The blood on the streets isn’t gone by the next level. That is REAL violence, yet no one bans the news. No one is stopping the war anytime soon. Last I checked, movies like Grindhouse and Hostel 2 were still in the theaters (and sucking it up, to boot) and those movies have scenes of torture and mutilation. The fact is that video games are held to a double standard by activists groups because video games are seen as a “kids medium” and for the most part kids are too stupid to think for themselves and parents are too “overwhelmed” (which is activist speak for “poor parents” IMHO) to monitor what their children play and see. News flash, people. Games are made for several markets and demographics just like movies, TV shows and music are. Mature rated games like Manhunt 2 aren’t made for kids to start off with. There is nothing about that game that screams “play me” to an 11 year old.

Before you say “the violence is intriguing to young people” I will give the same defense for video games that I give for cigarettes. If your kid is intrigued by a cartoon camel to put smoke in their lungs they aren’t as bright as you think they are because intentionally putting smoke in your lungs at its basic CORE is asinine and shouldn’t be emulated (by following a CAMEL no less). Therefore, if your kid sees a man get stabbed in the chest with a whirring buzz saw and get intrigued then they are not as smart as you believe because at its CORE a buzz saw to the chest is murder and shouldn’t be emulated. If kids aren’t able to separate fiction from reality then they need to be TAUGHT THAT. Banning games that are based in violent and based in FICTION isn’t going to help anything. All you are doing is taking rights away from those that CAN tell fiction from reality to chose whether to play a game that may be Mature or not. I do not accept the argument that banning these games is good for the children as much as I don’t believe that relinquishing civil liberties for my “safety against terrorism” is logical or just. You cannot take away the privileges of the whole for the stupidity of the few.

Now I am not calling all kids stupid and I am not calling all parents worthless. Everyone needs to understand their part in this. No matter how uncomfortable, parents need to take the responsibility to educate their children on what they feel is offensive and set ground rules for their children to abide by to fit that. Kids need to learn that you are not a person until you are 18 (heh). Deal with it, you do what your parents say because USUALLY they are only doing what is best for you. With that being said, it is ALSO a kid’s responsibility to discuss with their parents what they know and how they perceive these kinds of things and parents should make changes as such. There are some kids that do grasp the concept of…well not being an idiot. You don’t do what you see in video games because they are a medium of entertainment. You play them to enjoy, not to reenact them. Parents, at that point your parenting skills come into play. No one knows your kids (OR SHOULD KNOW YOUR KIDS) better than you. If you believe that they are ready to play those types of games, let them with rules. Play it with them first to see what it is about. I guarantee that if parents actually PLAYED Manhunt they would not be upset at the violence as much as upset with not having a camera that worked or not being able to sneak effectively because the AI was jacked. Discuss the game with them and see where their head is at. Let them know that they can’t impale people on walls, back flip slice ninjas, rip the wings off of harpies or fire rocket launchers into a crowd of zombies. If they grasp that, which they should, you know they are ready to partake in the Resident Evil’s and GTA’s of the video game world.

This exchange takes an hour. If you don’t have an hour for your kids, then you shouldn’t have had them until you did. Birth control was plentiful and money shots are always an option if you weren’t ready. Knuckle up and do your damn job. Kids, know your damn role and THINK. If you really get ideas for killing people from Half-Life then you need to not play video games. If you don’t get it, don’t play it because you are messing things up for the rest of us. Keep away from the “Mature” games and play some Surf’s Up or Hello Kitty’s Adventure of Lollipop Island or something until you are mentally ready. Pretty kickass game, if I say so myself.

Lastly, game developers. Next time you have an idea for a game that has graphic violence, nudity, drug use, obscenities, negative religious imagery (which I am all for but that is another story), torture or any other mature theme I want you to ask yourselves these questions:

- Is the eye gouging of the puppy in the Neo-Boston level excessive? I mean its SO CUUUTE!
- Will this be fun? There are 40 levels and only two enemies…and they are palette swaps.
- Does the camera work where it needs to? I mean the players MAY want to see where they LAND WHEN THEY JUMP!
- Are the characters engaging? His name is Steve and he is looking for revenge, but for what? And how did he get the ability to shoot lightning from his wang?!
- Should those chicks be lezzing right now? I mean The Colossus of Rhodes is attacking!
- Hey, does this game need a block button? There are 107 ninjas on the screen at one time and they are all attacking. AND they only have one life with no continues.

These are some simple questions to ask when you are coming up with ideas and programming games. I mean come on, guys. What is the purpose of making sequels to Manhunt, State of Emergency and ANY MORTAL KOMBAT AFTER MKII (although Trilogy had its moments) when no one liked the originals? All that controversy, all that violence and gore and parent bitching to make a game that no one liked. You see, this is the problem with video games that are Mature rated: the crappy ones screw it up for the good ones. It seems my initial idea of “don’t buy it and they will stop” doesn’t work anymore. I have let developers off easy over the last few years but not anymore. I wont tell you what to make but REALLY THINK before you put these games out. Is the controversy worth the chance of screwing over all gamers because you want to put an f-bomb, a RPK (rocket propelled kitten) cannon or boobies in a game? Stop being selfish and think of your target consumer. If you don’t think it fits, odds are it doesn’t.

The simple truth is that banning video games won’t help anything. I hope this doesn’t reach America ever because I don’t want to miss out on the holiday battle of the PS3, X-Box360 and Wii games because some Christian parents rights groups got I.P.S. over some crappy game with beheadings, bombs and boobs. Didn’t want to rant about this twice in a week, but this just showed up on CNN.

GAMERS UNITE!!