In A Perfect World, Marvin Gaye Would Be Pissing On R. Kelly's Head From Heaven...

What is up peeps?! Four days in a row?! You know, I really spoil you guys. But that’s how I roll, I am all about the people; the party people. Guess what? For the first time in a LOOOOONG time, it is rant time! I give to you…

The Rage of Chachi: R&B Music

Well, I was going to do a rant about the State of R&B Music today. Then I realized something. I could sum it up rather easily:

R&B SUCKS!!

How I miss the days of LeVert, Freddie Jackson, Troop and Ready For The World! Remember Guy?

JAAAAAAM! WHOA, JAAAAAAAAAM! Back before Aaron Hall was a woman beater, he was a sanger. Back in the day (god I feel old) R&B meant something. Now I don’t mean in the 60’s and 70’s because even though I LOVE old school R&B it was before my time. Even though it is all my parents listened to aside from Keith Sweat and I have a full knowledge of the OLD school not many do. Even in the 80’s and early 90’s there were still some relevant R&B groups. Remember Boyz II Men? They turned the world on its ear when they came out! I used to love Hi-Five! You know what? Tony Thompson, the lead vocalist of Hi-Five died with very little fan fare a few days ago. All I heard from niggas were JOKES about Hi-Five. You know what, asshole? Without groups like Hi-Five, Boyz II Men, SWV and even Jade (A free RC cola for anyone that can name 3 of their songs!) making the crossover, trifling ass groups like Next (Remember them? When is their ‘next’ album? Fuckers), Jagged Edge (‘We aint getting no younger we might as well do it?’ Women, if ANY of you got married to or love this song you should be slapped in the fucking face) even…Pretty Ricky (WONT THESE UGLY NIGGAS PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?!) would have no where near the platinum success that they had. First off, this is in ‘restecp’ to Tony Thompson:

Big Up’s Ya-self.

Back to my rant. It seems all R&B music has become is:

Stupid niggas in no shirts whining over some bitch because he’s heartbroken (usually because he cheated. Well, shitlock if you didn’t cheat she wouldn’t leave. I despise the actions of women but if you stopped fucking them over we wouldn’t need these songs)
Some bitch whining about not needing no stupid nigga in her life cuz she’s ‘independent’ which usually means she thinks that being a whore is vindicating to women (It’s a cycle. Don’t be an idiot and your man won’t cheat. It’s simple)
White dudes with a voice that doesn’t sound like a 13 year boy going through puberty (aside from Robin Thicke who I love but fix your voice and FIX IT NOW. Falsetto is cool when you are 12. And only when you are 12. You are no less than 25, FIX IT)
Young ass fucktards with no shirts running around talking about sex to minors (No, I don’t mean R. Kelly. Usher, Omarion, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Mario and so on. MICHAEL JACKSON IS NOT A GENRE OF FUCKING MUSIC! STOP IT!)
Half dressed trollops dancing around like strippers singing about not being whores (Shut up, you are wearing the uniform. And before you sit back and say ‘Hey, you listen to Kumi Koda and she don’t wear no clothes’ understand that Kumi Koda is Japan’s version of Britney Spears sans breakdown. That and shut up. My blog, my rules)
Sisqo (I have no idea what to consider him, so I put him in his own scary category)
Neo-Soul (Which is fucking stupid. I love Musiq, Jill Scott and John Legend but they aren’t ‘neo’ soul. THEY ARE FUCKING OLD SCHOOL R&B! Or at least as close as we are going to get anytime soon)

The last one REALLY pisses me off. The reason they are called that is because R&B/Soul has been bastardized to the point that no one really knows what it is anymore. Hell, was Ja-Rule R&B? He sung more than he rapped (Or at least sung BETTER than he rapped. Eh, I liked the Ja Rizzo: Black Cookie Monster) and his beats were rather smooth. The line between R&B in the last few years has been solidified, unlike in the mid-90’s to early this decade from the New Jack Swing movement to the G-Funk Era. To Bad Boy coming in to prominence with old R&B hooks/beats and even as recent as Murder Inc. The phenomenon of having an R&B singer do the hook for EVERY FUCKING RAP SONG that was shoved down our throats in 2004. Now that shit is happening again and I don’t think R&B can survive and that hurts.

Look now. Every fucking rap song has either Akon or T-Pain (or as I call them The Black Plague) on the hook. Don’t even get me STARTED on R. Kelly’s pissing ass being all over the radio and streets like 9/11 jumpers. Too soon? Anyway, aside from the Axis of Evil we have what? Mario, Usher, Marques Houston, Joe (who I still dig) and Ne-Yo singing…sad ass songs about some dumb bitch that broke their heart. Which I should be down for but cant I just have a song about having a party? Marvin Gaye style? When they aren’t singing about having their heart broken, they are singing about…sexing up every woman in sight. Pretty Ricky and Chris Brown, I am looking at your stupid asses. It all pretty much fucking sucks.

As for females, it’s even WORSE. Remember back when Mary J. Blige, Monifah (I liked her songs!), Brownstone, SWV, Total, Faith Evans, Lauryn Hill and others were making music? Not just any music, GOOD MUSIC. Hell, even three years ago we had Floetry, Alicia Keyes, Angie Stone, Jill Scott and Erykah Badu out there at least TRYING to give the women of R&B a voice. Now who do we have? Beyonce and Rhianna. Dis-fucking-gusting. Those bitches SUCK. If you are female, and you like them, YOU SUCK TOO! They have no (and I mean NO) redeeming qualities in their music. None at all. ‘Upgrade U’ may be the most ASININE song ever written. Wait…’Umbrella’ is the most asinine song ever written. Take your pick; they both make me want to deliver an F-5 to a puppy. You may say Ciara, Fantasia or Jennifer Hudson but Ciara has no real backing and she is mainly living off of dumping Bow Wow right now. Fantasia will forever be in the shadow of other Idol winners and Jennifer Hudson should stick to movies and Broadway. Something tells me she won’t be a major star in R&B because she is actually...well, good.

So after all of this ranting, what is the solution? Especially since virtually none of my friends (all five or so) listen to R&B anyway. Well, I am going to do exactly what people are doing with hip-hop now: demanding change. 50 Cent pushed his album back because the response to his two singles were not lukewarm, but blinding rage against his rabbilla ass (A mix of rabbit and gorilla. I’m trying new things out). MIMS is well on his way to being a one-hit wonder and most artists are cleaning up their lyrics. I am sick of R&B songs ALWAYS being about ‘baby take me back’ or ‘baby I don’t need you’ because after a while it gets repetitive. I’m tired of the same trifling songs from female artists about jewels and cars (You know, I understand why female R&B artists date male rappers. They are both materialistic as FUCK). I am tired of the borderline perverse songs from barely post pubescent teenagers (male and female) that just make both men and women look stupid. I’m not saying every R&B album should sound like John Legend or Jill Scott (It couldn’t hurt, I tell you what) because variety is good. Repetitive crap however is not good.

Well, that is all for now. Had to get that off my chest. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out