Aw...I'm A Dork, Aren't I?

What is up, mother bitches?! I am back on the scene and needless to say after a week in hiding in the fucking mountains (Just call me Man Mountain Rock or some shit) it is good to be back dropping the knowledge to the peeps. The killer is I agreed to help out and do some work on a FUCKING SATURDAY so half my day is shot. They better never ask that shit again, though. I’m on salary, dammit. Now, it is time for a almost bedtime edition of…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Random Thought #1: We’re Here, We’re Black, AND WE AREN’T GOING BACK!

So when I first met the people I work with at a party (with margaritas with THREE KINDS OF TEQUILA. It gets you drunk!) one of them told me how she was NOT a fan of Woodland Park. She said it was a small ass mountain town and it scared her. Not I am not sure if it scared her the same way it scared me but after being up there I have to say….they aren’t used to Black people. Not in a way like “Jeb, get the rope it’s time for a good ol’ fashioned lynchin!” but in the way like “WOW! You’re BLACK! Can I touch your hair?” which really just freaks me out. I mean in this day and age with BET, the internet and ring tones you can’t go to a damn Red Lobster without seeing Black people. We’s loves the cheddar biscuits. So the fact that there are people who have 1) never seen Black people or 2) didn’t know Black people were real astounds me. You LITERALLY have to hole yourself up in a shack like Grizzly Adams to not see a single Black person in real time (GTA: San Andreas DOES NOT COUNT). Even he saw a black bear or two. Yes, that bear talked to the screen at the movies. We all do it because it is part of our DNA. Just like white people and this:

Aahhh, the wop. The dance, not the dude. ZING!

Random Thought #2: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Apparently An Uppercut To The Gut. Yeaaah.

Okay, I understand that Tina Turner is still somewhat attractive at 68 years old…which is too old, even for me. And I like older women as anyone that knows me can vouch. Yes, I also understand that she left an abusive husband to become a Grammy winning, international superstar and blah blah blah, yakkity smackity. Let’s be real though. I am probably going to piss some of you off by saying this but Tina Turner owes all her success to one man and one man only. No, not Jesus or Mick Jagger (Only one “Big J” can rock Wembley Stadium and it sure as hell aint the guy with holes in his hand), I am talking about Ike Turner:
ike strikes back

Say what you will, him keeping her monkey ass on the run kept them legs sexy. Ike, the rock and roll world thanks you for your ass-kickery and violent, coke induced rages. What the problem is?!

Random Thought #3: Hillary Needs To Shut The Fuck Up. NOW.

So um….this is a very douchey statement:

Yeah, I am real close to switching back to Republican. The fact that she says that has either cost her the race, the VP nod (Because if I were Obama, I would never forgive for that shit) and she may have lost the rest of the Democratic Party. The statement may be true but think about it:

SINCE WHEN HAS MIDDLE AMERICA VOTED FOR DEMOCRATS ANY-FUCKING-WAY?!

Aside from Bill Clinton (Who is one Busch from the trailer park at any moment) no Democrat has been able to carry the same non-college educated, “hard working” (Not really, because THEYTOOKDERJERBS!) White Americans. I like my democratic party of Blacks and egg-head Whites, non-readers not apply.

Random Thought #4: So GTA IV Has A Plot….Somewhere.

Okay, so I really REALLY like GTA IV. I haven’t had this much fun playing a game since Kingdom Hearts II and if you read this blog you KNOW how much I played the hell out of that game. That being said….why is it that right when I get ready to go on a mission to move the story along someone wants to hang out or some shit? I mean I understand there are side quests and mini-games but come on. At least give me a point where I can just piss around without feeling like I am missing something. Hell, I don’t even know about any side quests because motherfuckers always want to go play pool and shit. I got hookers to beat, mother fucker! Even still, it is a badass game and if you have a next-gen system you should check it out.

Random Thought #5: I’m Not That Bad A Guy.

So I have been wrestling with this since a certain person said I was “insensitive” and that would keep me from ever dating again. Well, first off I hope things are going well with your second baby from a second daddy. Secondly, it got me to thinking: am I really that bad of a guy? I mean I know my looks are about as appealing as a $10 lap dance and living in a basement really keeps the ladies away but even when I was living by myself I wasn’t a HORRIBLE PERSON. I mean I am abrasive but at the end of the day I would rather be that than a sniveling bitch-mad ass nigga (2Pac forever!). I know my limits but I also know my threshold of how far I will let a woman push me. Now to some women that is seen as being insensitive or uncaring (Which I have never been CALLED but it has been insinuated) but I would expect no less from a woman. I am as nice as I could possibly be seeing as how my trust has been broken many a time to the point that NOW I can admit to being abrasive because I just stopped caring. Maybe a woman can come along and kind of make me give a fuck, I don’t know. But I am not an asshole as much as I am a person that has a…particular mind state and sense of humor. There is a reason I have a lot of acquaintances and about six (maybe seven when drunk) really good friends. I count families as one (You know who you are, Beth and the C-Fresh crew) but for the most part I keep small company:

1. Griff (My road dog. Brother from another mother. Yes, I mean it like Black people mean it because it means more that way)
2. Zach (Mainly because no one else gets me like he does. In a straight way, you fucks)
3. Rick (Who I haven’t seen in a while but for about a year if I was ever in jail….he would be right next to me saying “What do you mean setting squirrels on fire and letting them loose in an orphanage is a crime? I thought this was America!”)
4. Nolan & Nik (Two words: Bonnie Tyler. Two more words: Wilson’s Leather. Don’t ask)
5. Nicole (Solely because she is hormonal right now and I don’t need her getting mad about this. Because I will punch a woman in the stomach with the quickness. Then we can drink again! You see, I AM your friend! I kid, I kid)

If I left you off I am either too sober to care or….yeah I am just way too sober to care. In the end, my circle is small but my circle rules. Except Jimmy because he touched me once in the bathroom. Would it be weird if I said I didn’t mind it? Yes it would….but I already did and I can’t take it back now. Memories….

Well, as you can see my random thoughts are…well….fucked up. However, I have to get them out lest I pull a Martin Lawrence at a roundabout and start shooting up cars. No one wants that, at least until I star in “Big Momma’s House 3” to save my fledgling acting career. I am out for now, gotta get up early tomorrow. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out.