....And Yet, I Am Still Sober.

What is up, people? I am back today with some awkward news. I am postponing the second half of the 500th Post Extravaganza until Sunday because Comcast is playing asshole Yahtzee with my connection so I decided that a regular update was in order. It has been a weird March and I have had a lot of things running through my mind and I believe it is about that time to let them out. So you are in for a treat as it is time for another installment of…

Chachi’s Random Thoughts!

Never Ask Me A Question When You KNOW I Won’t Say What You Want To Hear.

Now this has been the case for several years now. If you know anything about me you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and my opinions like a spinning championship belt. Ever since I had the nerve to say to a certain young lady “Do you want what I REALLY THINK or what you want to hear because they are two separate things” it has been well known that no woman should never ask my opinion if:

1. You already fucking know what I will say because I have said it before.
2. You want confirmation or encouragement to do something stupid.
3. You want acknowledgement or praise for ALREADY doing something stupid.
4. If you asked me for help, I gave it to you, you DIDN’T FUCKING DO IT and now you are bringing the same dumb ass problem to me AGAIN for help.
5. Asking me a question you already know the answer to or know the answer you want to hear. I may not necessarily smarter than you (Highly unlikely, but sometimes it happens) but I KNOW when that is the case and I will either ignore the hell out of you or say the exact opposite out of spite because you are being a dumbass.

With that being said, I don’t give a fuck if you are going to get a tattoo. I don’t care what it is because I am not a fan. Never have been and never will be. Leave me the fuck alone about it. If you are going to get one, GET ONE. I am NOT going to tell you it is a good idea because I don’t think they are. It is a personal fucking opinion. I wouldn’t get one and I don’t care about your “individuality” because if the reason you are getting a tattoo is individuality then you are a fucktard because tattoos have been around since the dawn of fucking time and just because you get a different DESIGN OF A BUTTERFLY OR KANJI in the same spot on your lower back as every other fucking female in the 50 states you aren’t an individual. You are a conformist with delusions of grandeur. It is like when Shades and L.L. Cool J both sampled that one song and released their singles at the same time:

Here is L.L. Cool J’s “Loungin”


And Shades’ “Tell Me”

Different words, SAME FUCKING SONG. Just like with tattoos. Now this isn’t just about tattoos (And this isn’t about a certain someone asking me about a piercing because you said it best by saying “I already knew YOUR answer.” You receive a reprieve) this is about every question you EVER thing about asking me. If you ask me if you look like a whore in something, odds are you already know that you do look like a whore in the outfit so asking me will only cause your thoughts to be verified. I refuse to lie to spare anyone’s feelings just because they are too damn insecure to do something under their own volition. If you are doing something that you need to have validation about odds are you shouldn’t fucking do it anyway. If you want a tattoo, man up and get one! If you want to wear a dress even though it makes you look fat, work it out like a rib! If you want to be a whore, then be the best damn whore you can be! Cradle the balls, work the shaft and suck like Ashley Blue getting ready to deep dive. Don’t ask, just fucking do. Because I really don’t care and you KNOW I don’t care.

Heed Chris Rock: TAKE OFF THAT SILLY ASS HAT!

Okay, I will admit that fashion is one of the few things I place stock in. I try to look good and smell good (For me because no one else gives a rats ass) but for the most part I try to keep an eye on what looks stupid and I try to avoid it. With that being said, it looks like most people are NOT following the rules of fashion which are simple: don’t look like a fucking tool! How do you avoid that? Well, you follow these simple rules:

1. Pull up your god damn pants! Especially if you buy regular pants that fit and THEN let them hang off your ass. You look like a fucktard.
2. Flip your collar down! Seriously….was that EVER cool after the fucking 50’s? Bro’s need to let this go, especially the shirt under the shirt that has the collar flipped up. HOW LAME ARE YOU?!
3. Ladies, your jacket has to fit. Wearing a half jack and then complaining about being cold should result in getting punched in the ovaries. Dumb things like that should eliminate your right to procreate.
4. Do NOT let it all hang out. Now I am sure you will say that “it isn’t for you” and even if it isn’t show some god damn common sense. I mean logically, what reason do you need to show off your goodies in public? Having your titties hanging out SOUNDS like a good idea for getting a free drink and even catching a man…but is that the clientele you want? Think about it.
5. Black dudes….STOP WITH THE UGLY ASS JACKETS! I mean is it just me, or is the idea of Black men’s fashion to be as ugly and loud as you can allowable by the Fashion Police? Toss ugly baseball caps into that mix, too. The Bathing Apes craze is over. They were always ugly as sin and they still are. The more you look like brightly clothed monkeys, the more people will look at you that way. Aint a damn thing wrong with a button down shirt and a leather jacket. God, what ever happened to NORMAL.
6. If you aint got it (or got too much of it)…don’t flaunt it. Ladies, this has been happening quite a lot lately. I don’t have muscles so I don’t wear tight clothing. I attempt to stay within my fashion bounds. Now….ladies….just because you are a female and you believe the lies that you are all beautiful from dudes that want to fuck you doesn’t mean that everything works for you. If you have no ass, you don’t wear tight pants. If you have too much ass, don’t wear tight pants. You see, tight clothing is a thin line that you should only tread if you are truly ready for that kind of commitment to making that fashion work. You don’t want to see MY ROLLS so I don’t want to see yours. It’s only fair. It is interesting how other women critique other women about bad fashion but when I do it I’m a chauvinist that doesn’t respect women or their freedom to be happy with their body. I am all about being happy with your body but I am also about people managing their freedoms wisely.
7. Fur Isn’t Murder….It’s Just DAMN TACKY. New rule: the only fur that should be worn is from an animal you hunted and killed yourself. Brock Samson did it and so should you. I will make a lot of people think twice about getting a fur lined coat. That shit is damn lame. I mean seriously, you got fur from a small woodland animal and you are wearing it for fashion. Whoopty-damn-doo! It looks stupid because fur should be worn on FUCKING ANIMALS. That is IT. Unless you are going to grow a pair of nuts and just get a panda fur suit with a chinchilla liner inside then don’t even try to get fur. That shit is left for the ballinest of the ballin.

Just a few fashion tips to live by. That is all for now, just had to get those out. The rants are back for the most part as my process goes anger then apathy. Now I am good to go. You all stay up, because I am outta here. And don’t forget to vote at www.douchebrawl.com!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.