One Of These Days, Alice...

Hey, peeps. All of you are probably sleeping as I write this, so good morning to you. Brush your damn teeth, too. Morning breath is fun for no one.

First off, good news on the bear front. It seems that there is dissension in the ranks of the polar bear, or as I all them the 'Artic Marines of the Bear Kingdom'. As good as this news may seem to be, lets not forget that the polar bears arent the ones we need to be worried about. Pandas are the real leaders of the Bear Revolution. Quasi-thumbs and the ability to talk (albeit in broken english) make them the biggest threat. Oh, and for those that keep on saying that koalas arent really bears: does it matter when they are ripping off your face? Hells the no, peeps. Remember, cute and cuddly is a disguise. A koala bear can tear your arms off without breaking a sweat.

Now, time for a recurring segement on the blog that has been gone for a while. Here is...

OVERRATED/UNDERRATED

Overrated: Wal-Mart

That's right, I went there. I am really beginning to strongly dislike the Mart. Aside from the fact that the prices are no longer that low, the corporate structure of that company is jacked. They mainly live under the credo of....FUCK THE EMPLOYEE. I have had three friends work for the Mart and say nothing but bad things about the experience. From shitty leadership to even worse co-workers I have heard it all. To top it off, by opening the high end stores in Texas they officially are on 'The List'. Why in the fuck would you buy sushi from WAL-MART?! SUSHI?! I'm sure that's exactly what the NASCAR crowd is looking for when they go to The Mart: a Dale Jr. hat, some Bud and a Dragon Roll and unagi. Yeah the fuck right. Wal-Mart can go to hell and take that freaky smiling, bouncing head with you.

Underrated: Silly Hats

Silly hats rule. Nuff' Said.

Chachi decrees this Friday (6/16/2006) as SILLY HAT DAY!!! Everyone wear your silly hat no matter where you work. Everyone needs a day to just wear a silly hat and let it all go. I think that everyone should put on a silly hat, get in a line and dance to this groovy ditty right here:

CHACHI WA SILLY HAT-O! Three days until Silly Hat Day! Let's get silly!

Well, that is it for now. I always talk about 'The List' so I think I'm gonna do a 'Threatdown' type of segment on the blog once a week. I'll think about it. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Monday Sucks.

Morning, peeps. I just noticed that yesterday was my 125th post! Hooray for...hell I dunno this thing is kind of all over the place. Just wanted to thank the readers because without you, I'm just writing to vent and entertain myself. Seeing as how things are not as crappy as they were a few weeks back, the blog can only go up from here. Although I said the same thing about hip hop after Grillz yet here we are.

So while hanging out with Zach, I had a huge case of deja vu. Just sitting there, I asked 'What ever happened to Usher? He used to be everywhere like two years ago!' He said 'You know, I had this same conversation with someone else in 2003, man.' It was odd, because I had the same coversation with Griff in 2003 AND 2001 AND 1998. If there was ever a man that makes a comeback after a hiatus, it is Usher. I mean seriously, he falls off the face of the universe and just shows up out of nowhere, captures our attention and then disappears again. Then, as soon as he hears someone say 'Remember Usher? I loved 'U Make Me Wanna' or 'Man, 'Yeah!' was tight banging!' he comes back with a hit. With this being said, I am sure Usher's new single will be out in time for the summer season. It's just fate. YEAH!!

Speaking of Usher, I said the other day that Se7en could dance Usher (and Justin Timberlake) under the table.

I stand by my statement, peeps. Now you know I love the J-pop (and to a lesser extent K-Pop because Se7en is Korean. I prefer Bulldog Mansion but thats just me) despite all its flaws (Hyori Lee I am looking right at you) the biggest being the robotic dancing (Namie Amuro, I love you but after that crapfest you put on at the MTV Japan VMA pre-show you are officially on the LIST). Yet Se7en really cut it up on the VMA's and I am say this right n ow: he should issue the challenge.When was the last time we had a TRUE dance-off? Not that Britney vs. Justin THING, I mean a You Got Served dance battle. I would pay to see a three way battle with Usher, Se7en and Justin for supremeacy. Hell, toss in Omarion for fun and it could be a fatal four way! It would be the greatest dance battle since Breakin' II: Electric Boogaloo! Thank me later, peeps. It's on, now!

I have come to a decision. I want to be a pop star. Being a rapper means getting shot at (and wearing jewelry which isn't my thing) while being a rock star means at some point having to be shot in the arm with a flaming arrow from Ted Nugent. Don't get me wrong, he rules but I like my internal organ where the fuck they are at. Like Dave Chappelle said, I don't want to be the first n***a to die via crossbow. Being a pop star allows you to dance without a care, sing songs that would get you beat up in any other walk of life and most importantly will put me one step closer to finally being able to take down the evil that is Nick Cannon. Yes, his reign of craptatorship will end soon, peeps.

Well, I am out for now. A word of warning: this video clip you are about to see...is AWESOME.

Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Time To Get Some Ed-you-mah-cation!

Morning, peeps! I missed the update yesterday, mainly because I was out all day and didn't get back until about 2ish. Even still, I came back for you. Time for another mind numbing installment of:

LEARNING WITH MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI!!!

You know, it has been an interesting two months and I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned that I am:

Mean
Rude
Immature
Egotistical
Nerdy
Possessive
Not Funny
Petty
Out of touch with my emotions
and Uncompromising

Hmm. That's interesting. You know what else I have been called? Anti-social. Moi, ANTI-SOCIAL? All of the above fall under the 'anti-social' umbrella but I really had to think about it: am I anti-social or do people just not know what the fucking word means when they toss it out?

Well, let's see. The definition of anti-social is:

1. Shunning the society of others; not sociable.
2. Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores: gangs engaging in vandalism and other antisocial behavior.
3. Antagonistic toward or disrespectful of others; rude.

Now that we know the definition, let us take a closer look. First off, shunning society. I will be the first to admit that a lot of what people do pisses me off. However, at the end of the day, to err is human. To commit the SAME errors repeatedly is fucking retarded but that's not the point of this rant. Quite simply, those that know me will tell you that I am the first to talk to someone who is being quiet for feeling shunned because I was not always the outgoing, popular guy the peeps know as Chachi today. I once was the guy that was scared to talk to girls and people in general because I thought I was uncool. Now I don't talk to women because many are batshit crazy and the rest have no idea of the stupidity that is Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong Il and that is what I like to talk about. Even still, there isn't a person that knows me that will say I shun society. Shunning of the stupid is different.

Hostile or disruptive? Now that is all about perspective. I can understand how certain people can see me as stand-offish or hostile because I believe strongly in nothing, I just have simple, logical views (except for bears, because them bastards are dangerous). If you are going to argue about religion with me, I can see your side but I couldn't (for the most part) give a fuck about it if you are trying to convince me of its truth. I make it a point to understand and acknowledge both sides of an argument (no matter how wrong the other party is or even I am) but at the end of the day, if one side is not willing to understand my point (ESPECIALLY if I am right) I will become hostile to a point because it would be like talking to a puppy about the tuck rule. Not only do they not know, they refuse to understand. I may not agree, but I will always listen and understand the stance of the other party. So why even make the fucking attempt to discuss with someone that has their own set ideas and belief sets and REFUSES to acknowledge yours no matter how correct? That can be seen as being hostile because I don't compromise on things that I am right on. That shit ain't gonna happen. Now if I am wrong I will admit it and if it is a discussion based on belief I will attempt to come to a shared agreement. I'm not going to say I'm wrong when I am right, and it seems that is what people want me to do. Fuck that, I'm hostile then.

Antagonistic and rude. Ahhhh, rude. I will come back to that fucker. As for being antagonistic, there is nothing better than a spirited debate IMHO. Not an ARGUMENT, a discussion about something with two viewpoints that are debated between two knowledgeable people is fun and insightful. I will admit that I do start debates, but not to argue. Case in point, I have been told by some women I have dated (or was attempting to) that I started arguments for no reason. Well, a discussion about politics isn't 'starting an argument' in my eyes, it's a discussion about politics. Now if SHE sees it that way, well not much I can do about that. The last thing I want to do is start an argument with a women because a good percentage (I will go with 25-35%) of them:

1. Don't know HOW to debate, they just know how to argue. (there is a difference. A debate is backed by logic and is a dynamic. An argument is just irrational bickering. I don't do well in those)
2. Don't understand what the discussion or debate is about. (Which I am guilty of. I have gotten into arguments with Zach that I am in over my head in and I will just say 'Yeah, dude we are out of my element.' Know your battles and concede when you are over your head. There is nothing wrong with not knowing about a subject in a discussion, but there is something wrong with discussing a subject while knowing nothing.)
3. Will do anything just to WIN. (Arguing via bullshit will only get you so far. If you don't know it, you don't know it. Using circular reasoning, slippery slopes and just plain WTF tactics (crying, screaming, changing the subject to an argument that isn't pertinent to the discussion) isn't debating, it's being fucking stupid. Have a stance and back it, right or wrong.

Anyway, back to my point. I like to discuss topics because I like women who are quick on their feet. Not ones that love to argue because arguing accomplishes nothing. Now back to this rude thing. You know what, I know the internet is vast and bad news travels fast. Anyone out there who has ever called me rude has usually been put in a situation where they didn't get my humor or they had to be told something that they didn't want to hear. You see, I don't have the thickest skin (I still have feelings and yes, even the Chachi has been hurt and heartbroken) but I know what the fuck my faults are and will admit them. Can I be abrasive? Depending on the situation definitely. A spaz? It's my middle name, sometimes I freak out when I can't get through to people (which is happening a WHOLE LOT lately). A tad Buddha-esqe? Well, let's just say I partake in a few festive food items...En masse. An egotist with megalomanical tendencies? I have four monikers and refer to myself in the third person, you tell me. With all that being said, I know my faults, but I know I have good points. Very FEW (I'm KICK ASS with a cowbell!), but I still have some. I believe that my honesty and humor is confused with being rude.

The thing with the blog (and it kind of worries me) is that there are a lot of jokes that are inside that I try to make sure everyone gets. A lot of times, my humor goes over (or under) peoples heads and they cannot tell if I am seriously being mean to them or not. Well, if I don't like you and am being mean to you maliciously I will fucking tell you. Although I don't like a lot of people (Tom Cruise, I am looking at you) I understand that life is short and you can't be an asshat to someone forever. I have no problems with being cordial to someone that hates me or I can't stand because it's pointless to hold a grudge unless its a REALLY bad situation. With that being said, being rude is in the ears of the listener. There have been times that I felt someone is being rude TO ME and since I don't know where their head is at I cannot fairly make that assumption. To call me rude after only a few circumstances is actually rather immature. What do I know? I know that I'm NOT rude, mean or possessive. You know what I am? I'M AN A-SS-HO-LE!

Ah, that song makes me feel good. So, peeps. What did we learn on God's Day? We learned:

1. I'm an asshole.
2. Im cool with it.
3. Dennis Leary needs a comedy special.

Your homework, peeps? See Cars. That movie kicked the ass! Larry the Cable Guy is funny to me in small doses. HE DID WHAT IN A CUP?! Suprisingly, the music was pretty good (Except Randy Newman wrote and composed the soundtrack. That man really needs to go) .

Okay, enough for my pity party. There is only one thing that can make me feel better right now. yeah, you know it. Give some of that Ms. Koda.

Hells yeah, now I feel better.

Okay, I have been bitching about the lack of kick ass musicals over the last few years until the release of The Producers (and by default RENT) last year. Well, I have a confession. I REALLY LIKE High School Musical. I have the soundtrack and I try to catch it on Disney Channel when I am home. It's not GREAT, but it's better than the MTV Hip Hopera Carmen shitfest. That and Breaking Free is actually a good song. While this musical will never top Grease or West Side Story (which has stood up through time IMHO) it is still worth a watch if like me you are desperate for a time to just randomly break out in song and dance without being ridiculed or arrested. Check it out:

Well, I got errands to run and laundry to do. I will try to drop something for tomorrow morning or night that is a LOT less bitchy. Until then, maybe I can sum up the last few weeks in a timeless song...

I couldn't have said it better. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Freedom Isn't Free, But It Sure Does ROCK!

Morning peeps! Another early update, as I am not sure when I will be getting home and I have GRANDTASTIC IDEA. As we all know, Douchebrawl 2006 was a rousing success (thanks again, peeps!) while the Darth Vader Badass Battle of Villianny was a testicle smashing failure (although that name kicks utter and complete ass, you gotta admit). I have another grand idea! I believe that it is time for a new national anthem. C'mon, as Ron Burgandy said, the 'star spangled yawner' has worn out its welcome. So what should we do, you ask? Well, I believe that since this is a blog for the peeps, the PEOPLE should choose the new national anthem!

Yes, that's right. We here at the Passion of Chachi are going to let you choose the new national anthem of the greatest country in the world, nay, the UNIVERSE in the good old U-S of FRICKIN-A. What are the options you ask? Well, I have narrowed it down to five choices that I belive capture the American spirit in song. I will also add any write-ins onto the radio poll, but until then, here are the choices:

Don't Stop Believin by Journey

Funkytown by Lipps Inc.

America, F**k Yeah! by Team America

All three kick ass, but only YOU can make the decision of the NEW National Anthem. Keep in mind the odds are it won't be OFFICIALLY recognized as the anthem, but when they sing the Star Spangled Bore-a-thon, we will belt out Journey as loud as we can! Leave a comment for another song for our national anthem and I will add it to the poll and give you a shout out for the other....seven or eight readers. Or cast your vote for one of the kick ass anthem wannabes that are already up! The poll is now up, so let freedom RAWK!!

Stay up, peeps. Chachi is OUT!

VOTE OR DIE, FOOLS!!!!

USA is Fabulous!

What is up, peeps?! It's early as hell, but I didnt give the knowledge to ya'll last night so it's the least I can do. Like I said, it's about the peeps. And they say I am anti-social.

First off, big ups to the gays! Gays can settle down (for now) and I must say, I am all for it. I got really sick of this 'marriage is between a man and a woman' bullshit. Marriage is about love, not the sex of the couple. Plain and simple. And if marriage is a religious union, get rid of all the tax breaks for being married. Debates like this are what happens when you mix religion and government. I love how we attack countries like Iraq, Iran and Syria for using religious doctorine in their working government (or China's lack thereof) but we attempt to keep people from being married due to a religious stance on what marriage means. That is hypocritical for your ASS. And I should know because I am a hypocrite myself. Quite simply, I am glad to see that Amendment not pass. Any time stupidity loses, an angel gets it's wings. Remember that, peeps.

Also in the news (almost a fucking coincidence) is that a US airstrike killed Iraq's Al-Queda head Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in a 'precision' airstrike (as if the ones that missed and killed civilians were 'fucking practice') yesterday. Well ain't that just grand. I really want to say about time but that would discount the work the US (and 4 UK troops) have done so far. You know what? I would be happy never having to see anything else about the war until Bush finds a legit link between Iraq, Al-Queda and you-know-what. You know what is eerie? In my summer class in August of 2001 my group and I decided to do a report on the Taliban (a female group memeber was all against their stand on women and I hated terrorists so it worked for all of us) and had a small section about a radical subset (how do you have a radical subset of a radical faction?) called Al-Queda and how it had carried out attacks on American sites around the world and was attempting to strike America but failed. Almost a month later...yeah. It was fucking WEIRD. It freaks me out a little when I think about it.

Sorry to get all deep on you. Anyway, I downloaded the MTV Video Music Awards Japan last night (day late and a dollar short, as usual) and here is a rundown:

Koda Kumi is fine. DAMN FINE. And she won video of the year to boot. Did I mention she looked good?
Se7en can dance Usher and Justin Timberlake under the table. Seriously. I was suprised on how well this dude did in a live setting. I gotta take back my rant on the guy because he has SKILLS. And I won't lie, I like Passion.
Ken Hirai beat out Kanye West. And that my friends is how it would be in a perfect world. Because Pop Star kicks ASS.

John Legend has a chance to be the next big R&B star. With the closest thing to an R&B superstar being Usher (O_o) I think we need to hop on the bandwagon before Marvin Gaye becomes a zombie and starts eating brains. Wait, that would rule. Oh, and Ken Hirai and John Legend on the same stage we pretty bad ass.
No UVERworld, Bennie K. or BoA. WHAT THE HELL MAN?! Three of the biggest names in Japanese pop in the last 6 months to a year and not even a clip?! Man, I wanted to see some Yuki so bad, too. Mmmm, Yuki.
Kelly Rowland is still alive? Who knew? I am willing to wager that Beyonce will have all the surviving members of Destiny's Child offed pretty soon. Mark my words. Oh, and the song she did SUCKED.

Aside from that, go ahead and check it out. No worse than the Grammys. And no one cares about those, I have three and no one remembers. Best Contemporary Folk Rap Sung Album in 1996, 1997 and 1999, fools! Hell, I don't even put them on my resume anymore.

Well, thats all for now. Depending on what I do Friday either I will update tomorrow night or Saturday. I will make the Suday post worth the while for the new Monday readers. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Oh my god! They killed Keigo!

Morning peeps! Damn, early as hell, too. Anyway, Bleach no longer is sucking the ass. Two deaths (maybe, Renji gets his shit handed to him a lot so he may not be dead) and the return of Hollow Ichigo (HELL YEAH!!) means good times ahead! Unfortunatly, next week is a filler episode so we will see how that goes down.

So I just finished the last 20 minutes of Fearless, the last Jet Li martial arts movie. It kicked the ass I must say. First off, who knew Jet Li could act? I mean the dialog was mainly in the middle section of the movie but it was still well done for a Mandarin action film. Also, Li Woo Ping officially rules all. The fight scenes are kick ass (especially the one with Nathan Jones. Anyone who watched the guy wrestle knows he couldnt find right hand if it was shoved up his ass) and while not up to par with Hero or Iron Monkey (FUCK YEAH!) it was still well choreographed. Not only that, the plot didnt take a backseat to the fighting (usually the case in these movies) and even though they cut out about 20% of the movie it didnt lose any characther development. The only bad part? No Michelle Yeoh. Too bad that was one of the scenes pulled. Yeah, Jet Li vs. Michelle Yeoh is a fight I would like to see. Actually, Ms. Yeoh vs. myself in a nice dinner situation would be nice as well. Yeah, I digs the Yeoh. Hell Yeoh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's damn funny, peeps. All being said, it was better than Seven Swords and Promise (which was actually kinda cheesy aside from the love story) but a little behind Shinobi: Heart Under Blade. I need a region free DVD player NOW.

So the world didnt end yesterday. Hell, it wasnt even that hot! Needless to say, I am disappointed about that. I really wanted a Hellmouth to open or something, Buffy style. I mean come the hell on, if on 6/6/06 nothing even SLIGHTLY demonic happens what is the hope of it ever happening? I mean come on Lucifer, get on the ball.

So now that I am getting visitors again, this blog is gonna be more about the peeps. If you look at the bottom, you will see that the streaming music is back. I have some UVERworld (including the KICK ASS Colors of the Heart which I am listening to right now) and BoA up for your listening pleasure. I am back to taking requests. Seeing as I only got one request previously (for Afro Gunso, but the code crashed and File Lodge went all Dave Chappelle and freaked out) I am hoping for more people to request more stuff now that I have both the music player and the file share working. If you have any J-Pop, J-Urban, J-Rock or just generic requests of obscure songs you may have heard me mention just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail at Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com and I will put it up ASAP. Hey, I'm for the people. Except the Irish. Just kidding, just kidding,

Well, I am out for now. I will be back tomorrow I think. If not, until then stay up. And Walk On.

Man, Orange Range rules.

Chachi out.

If the world ends today, FUCK NICK CANNON!

Morning, peeps! Well it is another awesome Tuesday for the Chachi and I must say it is better than most. Usually I am ready to threaten violence on someone but something is different today. I dunno, just not as mad as usual. Almost…copasetic if you will. Something big is gonna happen. I’m talking bear attack big, I just know it.

So I would like to comment on the Blog’s traffic as of late. I told you all a few weeks ago that my counter was jacked up after changing my background like seven times in two days and I guess the code was missing some strings and wouldn’t link to the counter. Long story short, I had no idea who was coming here. Odds are it was no one because…well this thing sucks. I mean blogs are usually lame in general and mine is no different. So I decided to put a new counter on my blog (StatCounter, fool! What!) and I was shocked to see something. Since Tuesday, I have had 104 visitors as of last night. That’s like 20 people a day! I’m bigger than…nothing but I still feel good about myself. It means people are interested in my rants, although for the most part they wont get them. Even still, it is good to have more peeps on the site. A big thanks to the regular readers (All four of you! You keep me updating, you and my crappy life anyway) and a howdy to the new readers. It’s great to have you. Pull up a chair, grab a nice cup of coffee and be utterly and completely confused and offended by the journey that is The Passion of Chachi.

Okay, back to what this blog is all about: Randomness. So long time readers know that I haven’t talked much about Bleach as of late. There is a good reason for that, it has begun to really get bad. This new Bountu arc is kind of stupid and is moving way too slow. Not slow in a good way like the Soul Society build-up, more like slow in the DBZ way where they would just stand around and grunt and scream for 17 minutes an episode and fight for 2 minutes. That is why DBZ will always be teh suck no matter what those nerds say. Bleach better pick it up fast, especially with Blood+ kicking ass and Prince of Tennis next on my watch list. Hopefully with more Soul Society coming to Earth it will pick up.

Let’s see, what else is going on in the world of Chachi? Oh, so Promiscuous may be the greatest song ever written. First off, Nelly Furtado is looking damn good and Timbaland actually didn’t use the same beat again. Combine that with a legit conversation between two consenting adults (and Justin Timberlake in the video! Can it get any better?) and it’s like a bar scene musical. And there aren’t enough musicals out there. Aside from High School Musical (which only really had two good songs and yes I watched it. It’s not BAD, either) and The Producers (HELL YEAH!) the musical scene has been rather lacking. It’s kind of a downer because singing and dancing at random is what makes America (and India) the greatest country in the world. Hell, if song and dance broke out at random like in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off the world would be a better place! Imagine Palestinians and Israelis dancing in the street to ‘A Night To Remember’ by Shalamar or ‘Rhythm of the Night’ by El Debarge. Musicals are the route to world peace, peeps.

And where in the HELL is St Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley?! I have been unable to find that album for a week, yet it came out on the 9th of May! And where is Lupe Fiasco?! Kick Push is my jam!

Geez, now that I can actually STAND hip hop again, I can't even find the CD's I want. Sad. Oh, and Common's new album is supposed to be out 8/1/2006. You know who else has a new album that day? Bennie-fricking-K! It's actually another EP (The Bennie K Show 2) but hey, anything with Yuki and Cico is enough to make me giddy like a schoolgirl. August 1st will be the greatest day in the history of the damn world! Even better than the day that Britney Spears fell on stage:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is damn funny.

Oh yeah, happy 6-6-6 Day! If I hear another person talk about today is the end of the world I will smack the shit out of them. Seriously. If Hell was really gonna run amok on Earth, it would have done so on a day alot more hellish than this. Like when Get Rich Or Die Tryin was released. The world isn't going to end today, so quit your bitching. If the world didn't end with the release of Paris Hilton's new single it's not gonna end today. If it does, I owe you readers a Pepsi. If it DOESN'T, I get anal. I'm dead serious no matter how bad it gets you will clean my room exactly how I want it.

Well, the Chachi is out for the day. I may be back this evening to comment on the end of the world. Or to say 'na-na-na-na-na-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha'. Until then, LING LING INTO BATTLE GO!

Chachi out.

Yeah, it's a filler day.

What is up, peeps? I was going to update the blog this morning, but I was...you know...working. Putting a kink in my style, man. Anyway, this Monday didn't suck so bad. Unlike most Monday's which usually are like walking into a hungry bear's den, today was okay. Things are coming up Milhouse.

Today's update is gonna be short, but I do want to comment on something real quick. As many of you know, I am not an uber-patriot. I will say it once, I will say it again: I don't hate America, I just can't stand AMERICANS. With that being said, I think we need a new Axis of Evil. Well, I am not a fan of that name because that sybolizes some threat to the world. Quite simply, Iraq wasn't a threat and had no weapons they were just first on the list. Sad that we HAD a list that didnt include China or Canada (those bastards are plotting) but that is neither here nor there. So now, brought to you by the good people of The Passion of Chachi, I give you the new threats to free thinking, oil guzzling, border defending countries everywhere. I give you the

NEW Legion of Dumb!

Leader: Kim Jong Il (North Korea)

Sidekick/Comic Relief: Hugo Chavez (Venezuela)

Whiny Dude: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran)

Also, you can toss in Ali Khamenei as the old man that always talks about the time he almost beat the good guys and how villians now a days don't respect their elders or the golden age of villainy. Hell, even have Saddam Hussein as the wacky buddy who got tossed in jail. I'm telling you, this could be a kick ass reality show. Put all these guys up in a house and have their lives taped. All they would have to do is bitch about the Evil Empire for 24 minutes. Comedic gold, especially listening to Hugo talk crazy about how the US is trying to kill him. Have a confessional with Mahmoud talking about how America doesn't call him anymore. And Kim Jong Il...just needs to stand there because he is fucking funny looking. I mean just a show looking at his face in different situations with the Benny Hill Theme playing in the background is ratings gold. The Legion of Dumb, Thursday nights only on FOX! Because they will play ANYTHING.

So The Omen...I may just go and see it. I dont know WHY, but this is the closest I am going to get to the complete opposite of Passion of Christ. Unless you count The Hebrew Hammer, which RULED ALL but just isnt the same as a movie about the spawn of Satan. So peeps, if you decide you want to see this movie, I won't be pissed at you. Even though it has Julia Stiles not in eyeshot of a black man. That's gonna be a new one for me.

Well, I am hella tired. I'm about to head out for a bit and then hit the hay. I will have an update tomorrow, hopefully better than this. After the massive updates this weekend I have earned a little filler. I won't let it happen too often. Until tomorrow, KORRIKI FOOLS! WHAT!

You know I am THIS close to saying screw it and going to Nan Desu Kan as Korikki. It would scare the kids, but it would be worth it.

Chachi out.

Oh boy! A double header!!

Alrighty, peeps. I would like to get to the second half of Chachi's Top 20 Ladies, but first I must get something off my chest. I forgot to rant about this yesterday and this morning (mainly because I was fricking tired) but meter maids can officially lick my taint. I am sick and tired of getting parking tickets at the most asinine times. The first one I got was last year when I went to Rumbay (ooohhhh, the fucking fun!) at 9:45pm and I received a ticket. AT 9:45 PM! How in the hell does that happen? It was a 25 dollar ticket at a time I had no idea they gave them! Then yesterday at lunch I got one in the middle of the afternoon (around 12:30). ON A SATURDAY. First off, why would you charge to park in a second-rate (hell, third rate) city on a weekend? Dicks. To make it even worse, I got there at about 11:45 and there was 40 minutes in the meter. I was shocked someone paid on a weekend and left it at that. That means the officer WAITED by my car until the meter ran out. Catch rapist or a terrorist, asshat. Just fucking stupid.

Anyway, back to the Top 20. We have entered the Top 10, which means that I think all these women are beautiful. Now you will notice some omissions. Here are some that are not (and will not) ever be on any list of mine:

Eva Longoria
Angelina Jolie
Charlize Theron
Jennifer Lopez (P. Diddy AND Ben Affleck? Aw, hell naw!)
Anyone else that Maxim, AskMen or FHM had in their Top 100

Why? Because being attractive and being beautiful (IMHO) are two different things. Being attractive is one thing, usually visual. Some people have an attractive personality or attitude, but being attractive is a singe trait. To me, being beautiful is a combination of several traits that make up a perfect person. Like I have stated before, I have never met any of these women so I don't know them enough to judge their character or say 'that's wife material' (except #1. I'd marry that woman HELLA QUICK). With that being said I do believe, from what I have seen from them in all points that they are great people (and not too shabby, either) and deserve my respect. And to be stack ranked like the BCS Rankings. Anyway, back to the countdown. We start at number ten with a no-brainer.

#10 Halle Berry

Now this is the biggest AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH moment in the history of the world. It doesn't matter where she is at on this little post, she is the ultimate. Even when she played a crack head in Jungle Fever, she was still beautiful. I also think her performance in Losing Isiah was a VERY underrated performance, and sure as HELL better than Monster's Ball. If was a fucking shame Halle had to show her jubblies and Denzel had to just show the hell out to get Oscars. Disturbing. Even still, she made Gothika worth watching. GOTHIKA. She was even sexy in Catwoman (which I have seen 8 minutes. The worst 8 minutes of my life), and we know how hard that would be. All in all, this is a given because I don't care what anyone says, Halle is just an all-round beauty and SEEMS to be a nice person. I mean who HASNT committed a hit and run? Oh, and she had the sense to leave Eric Benet. I will NEVER understand that brainfart. Anyway, she's awesome. Next is someone I debated for a while putting above Halle. Next we have...

# 9 Jessica Biel

You know, Jessica Biel has always been very attractive in my eyes. Even more so than some of the other actresses in her era (Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen, Kirsten Dunst, etc), but what I really dig about her is...you guessed it. Her eyes are stunning. Not as deep as Nelly Furtado but still, they are just great. Secondly, she is suprisingly funny. Not Tina Fey funny but quick on her toes. That to me is hella sexy. A woman that can ad lib or come up with a joke/comeback at the drop of a dime makes for great conversation. I have always said that you can have an intelligent conversation with a significant other, you are in some deep trouble. She seems like a good talker and I likes that. Like I said, I am a weird dude. Combine that with...well she is hot, and you have a very beautiful lady that I would like to take for a nice walk and maybe to a coffee shop. Yeah, I'm a geek. Now, time for the shocker.

#8 Jackie Guerrido

You know what. I just want you to watch this:

I will be the first to tell you: I like that boo-twah. Jackie Guerrido has a BOOOOOO-TWAAAH. I don't believe in objectifying women (although, in its purist form, isn't ranking them objectifying them? The more you know...) but C'MON! Jackie is damn fine! To top it off, she speaks SPANISH, the language of 'hell yeah'! Every evening is a good evening when Jackie is giving the weather. Man, this is getting intense. Next we have...

#6 Mandy Moore

Okay, this is where the names get either unfamiliar or receive a 'bwaaaaah?' Let me first say this. Mandy Moore has a gorgeous smile. Just goddamn perfect. It is weird because I am not a fan of the Barbie doll, 'pop tart' (not my words) look but she pulls it off. I have only heard a few of her songs (I will admit, I like Crush and I Want To Be With You from Center Stage, which didn't completely suck it hard) but I am SO a fan of her acting. If you have not seen Saved! or American Dreamz, you are missing out on to of the best comedic performances in a long time, especially Saved! which sticks it to Christians. We all know how much I love to see that. What is really cool is that she is naturally funny (you can tell when she does Mad TV, which isn't funny at ALL) and seems to be a genuinely nice person. Just so nice you want to wrap her up and give her to yourself like Master Shake did with the mail order bride. Quite simply, Mandy Moore is just wonderful. Sigh, I'm all a flutter.

Time for a commercial break!

CROSS-FIY-AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Yeah!

Well, back to our show.

#5 Vida Guerra

Okay, you knew she was coming it was just a matter of when. There is nothing to explain. NOTHING. It's Vida. I have a real issue with her being reportedly as dumb as a brick, but that has yet to be verified. If it is true, that moves her down A LOT because she already has Chalice tattoo and enhanced jubblies and those are usually no no's for me (especially having a tattoo near your hoo-hah. That is ground zero). However, in true Duece fashion, she has a boo-twah. Frr the Duece that trumps a lot of stuff. For the Chachi, that means jack shit if she is a fucking mouth-breather. Either way, she is up here and she stays for now. Besides....look at that. Just...YES. Okay, I have a LOT of explaining to do with this one.

#4 BoA

Okay, first off she is 19 years old so leave those thoughts at the door. Second off, she is the only person other than Sowelu that makes me say kawaii without wanting to beat myself a la Silas in The Da Vinci Code. the weird think is much like Sowelu, I heard her voice before I saw her and I only saw her by accident. Anime fans know of the theme for Serial Experiments Lain (which I have still yet to see after the first 12 minutes of the first episode. I gotta get on that) Duvet was recorded by a group named Boa:

That song kicks ass. Anyway, I began looking for 'Boa' on LimeWire and ended up with BoA (Kwon) songs. They sounded nothing like the group but they had a pop feel to it and that was back during my anti-rap phase so I stuck with it. Then I actually saw her and yes I thought she was beautiful. She could sing, dance and speak four languages (Korean, Japanese, English and Chinese dialects). Dude, that is a geeks DREAM right there. Then I found La La Love Song with Soul'd Out and it was fricking over. It was full fledged smittenness (not a word, I know). I am honestly indifferent with the way people think about her (Griff, I am looking at you) she is beautiful and talented. Oh, and she can WORK a skirt.

Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. She is awesome. Down to three, peeps!

#3 Bennie K (Cico & Yuki)

Aw, hells yeah! Cico and Yuki make me want to become a Mormon! Not really, but these two ladies are teh awesome. Talented, beautiful and most importantly humble. After reading the translation of the Bennie K Show DVD, they are really down to earth about being (arguably) the biggest group in Japan right now. I'm talking bigger than Funkytown, peeps. FUNKYTOWN. That's real big. Yuki has a great voice (check out the live PV's posted from YouTube and her voice is just as impeccable on stage as it is on CD and Cico's rapping (not really GREAT, but still better than the majority of female rappers out now) meshes well to create a wonderful mix. Also add in the fact that they are very attractive young ladies (Especially Yuki. My god) and you have...well my Oasis. Yuki and Cico share number 3 and they share my heart. Wow, that is fucking cheesy. Eh, who cares. That's Bennie-frickin-K.

And then, there were two. And this is gonna be a shocker. Here we go, peeps.

#2 Shakira

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Before you flip out, I love Shakira. I love her voice and her music as a whole. She is a beautiful woman and she is FRICKING COLOMBIAN. You couldn't beat that if you wanted to. Even more than that, Shakira is an artist and she is bloody great songwriter to boot. Especially Estoy Aqui, one of my favorite songs of all time. And yet, there is something else about her...I can't quite put my finger on it...

Wow, that puts a stamp on it. Well, we are down to #1. Who is it? Well, here is Chachi's Most Beautiful Lady!

#1 Kate Winslet

Okay, why does Kate Winslet top Shakira? Well, first off she made Titanic watchable. That in itself shows that she is a team player because that movie was BAAAAAAAAAA-AD. Also, she looks so...real. Kate Winslet looks like a real woman, whether made up for a movie or in paparazzi photos. Just a natural looking beauty that really radiates. Also, she has a killer voice:

Congratulations, Kate. That concludes the Top 20. I'll do more random stuff every now and again when I have time. Oh, look at the bottom of the screen. I have some UVERworld and BoA for streaming. Take a listen, they kick the ass. Today's posts were pretty long, so I may not post tomorrow. Or I may. You gotta stay tuned! Must See Chachi, peeps. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Update: Do Americans butcher Japanese songs just to piss me off? I used to love Ike Ike. Until they translated into English.

Magic night, mini skirt, pretty girl?! What the fuck, man?! How dare you butcher a Para Para classic, you asshats! Man. Some things just need to be left alone.

Oh, and Nick Cannon is endorsing Boost Mobile. I guess the prophecy was right, I do have to eliminate him. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!

Get Ready, This One Is A Doozy.

What is up, peeps? Good morning to all! Finally got over four hours of sleep in one day...I got four and A HALF! I'm a regular damn Rip Van Winkle. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I know I wasn't for a while. But things are all good and I hope the blog will show it.

First off, to my two readers in Japan: Konichiwa! To my one reader in Austrailia: Goodday, mate! To my one reader in the Netherlands...um...hey, whats up? To everyone else, thanks for visiting. This blog is for the people, and you keep me doing it. It sucked balls to be doing this and have no one reading. I was in a hella groove in late-Feb and March. Feel free to take a look, especially at the Confederate Flag, female leads in cinema and Common Sense (probably my favorite) rants. And let's not forget Douchbrawl 2006! I want to thank everyone for voting for that, btw.

So I am boycotting Sprite again. It was bad enough that they took it upon themselves to use that racist ass Thirst doll (much like the PSP squirrels, just a really fucking ignorant campaign) which made me want to go Michael Douglas in Falling Down on the whole Coca Cola Corp. Now they have these stupid ass Apex Twin/Tool creepy video feel commercials that make no sense. As a captive audience in the theater yesterday (btw, The Break Up was not AS BAD as the critics made it out to be) I stat through one of these mindrape commercials and I must say that I will NEVER buy a Sprite again. You know, I can honestly say that very rarely has a commercial ever swayed me TO buy anything, but they quite often sway me to NOT buy something. I think that is how people are; as long as your product is good and you don't do something completely asinine in a commercial to piss off the consumer, they will buy your product. Advertisers need to take note on that little gem of advice.

With that said, I think I'm gonna start the Top 20 today! What can I say, I'm a giver. Okay, for the readers that look at this instead of working (and you know who you are) I will try to keep the pictures as clean as possible. No need for a Diversity issue because people can't accept a beautiful woman. Also, a disclaimer:

This is in no way shape or form meant to degrade, objectify or belittle women. This is just a list of women that I find attractive and I am putting them up here in an order that is actually rather open. Aside from the #1, they are all winners in my book. Some of these women you may have heard of, some (well, the majority) you may not. I find them to be beautiful, talented and all around nice people. Which is why Jessica Alba ain't on here. Get caught ONE time trying to mail yourself to her and she gets all wigged out. Geez. Let's get started at #20:

#20 Aishwarya Rai

Not gonna lie, I STILL know very little about her. The only body of work I know her from is Bride and Prejudice, and Jane Austen SUCKS. That's right I said it. The movie itself was rather 'bleh' but her acting was okay. I won't lie, I had no idea what the rest of her looked like for about two years (a friend of mine in college had her face as his wallpaper and I didnt know her name) because those eyes...wow. I love eyes. Beautiful eyes can trump out the fact you keyed my car because you were totally drunk and couldnt stand up to put the key in the door. Ooohh, did I say that out loud? Anyway, she is a very stunning woman and has maybe the more striking eyes I have ever see. Nope, someone else on here does. You gotta stay tuned! Next up, at #19 is...

#19 Tina Fey

Alright, I am sick of explaining this one. There is very little on this planet that is sexier than a socially concious and funny woman. A sense of humor, whether it be generic or topical is very appealing to me. I mean if you are a funny lady, you have my heart unless you do something like LITERALLY rip out my liver and eat it. Even still, if you make a good joke out of it it could still work. I think that Tina is very funny and has a presence of beauty that is different from a lot of other women in comedy. I won't lie to you, I thought she was damn fine in Mean Girls. I will stand by that and strike you down with my anger and love for her if you disagree. Next on the list is someone that you know of if you read the blog. A great singer and an all-round great lady.

#18 Sowelu

For the non-readers, Sowelu is a Japanese singer that has done many of my favorite songs (I Will and Dear Friend for starters). For starters, and the first thing I noticed was her voice. Not seeing her untill late 2004, I fell in love with that voice hella quick back when I was downloading Full Metal Alchemist (where I first heard I Will) when I finally saw the PV for it, all I could say was WOW. I will tell you something. CHECK OUT THAT SMILE.

I would fight a bear covered in honey for that woman. That smile is just so...warm and inviting. Not sexually, you assholes. Like genuinely kind and inviting. Just damn sexy. Combine that with her eyes and the fact she is like 5'2" in heels (KAWAII!! Shit, now I have to kill myself) and she is damn near perfect. I have heard (and poorly translated) interviews and she just sounds like such a sweetheart. Man, I'm getting misty eyed. Talk amoungst yourselves....here is number 17....

#17 Adriana Lima

Um....yeah. Watch this. Not safe for work at all. It will melt your computer.

Nuff Said. Next!

#16 Winona Ryder

Okay, this came out of left field. Very few people know that I have a soft spot in my heart for Winona. Ever since Edward Scissorhands and Mermaids (yes, I watched Mermaids and I loved it. Fuck you if you can't adjust) I have been like 'Wooooooooooow' about the former Miss Depp. She kind of has an elf thing going, which i guess appeals to the geek in me. Also, the whole shoplifting thing was awesome. Just like women and their dumbass 'bad boy complex' I have a bad girl complex. I will be the first to admit, she needs a damn tan. Aside from that, she is beautiful in my eyes. Next is no suprise to anyone, except maybe the position.

#15 Natalie Portman

Mmmmm....Padme. I love Natalie Portman. I don't know what it is, I cannot explain it. Something about her makes me smile, just like kittens do. Yet, as you read yesterday, she is dating (supposedly) Jake Gylldenhall. And I just cannot deal with that. That cost her about 10 spots, literally. Sometimes I can be hella petty. Next!

#14 Nelly Furtado

YES. The most beautiful eyes on the PLANET (aside Cillian Murphy. Yes, CILLIAN MURPHY. Creepy eyes but my GOD if I was a chick I would SO HIT THAT) belong to this woman. I remember the day I heard I'm Like Bird and hating it. I mean really just couldn't stand it. After a while (and a certain woman playing it every FUCKING DAY FIVE TIMES A DAY) the song grew on me and I bought the album from the campus store. All I could say was WOW. Just RADIANT. Yep, I am a walking thesaurus when it comes to eye descriptions, I love them. Anyway, ever since I have been a fan of the music and a fan of her period. She has a natural (and like Jessica Alba, racially ambigous) look to her that is just awesome. And FTW, her voice is awesome. Next on the list...

#13 Scarlett Johansen

Okay, this is where the list gets weird. You see, I find Scarlett very attractive (WELL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!) but at the same time, I have heard reports that she is an utter and complete bitch, which is a BIG NO NO for me. However, I have heard reports that she is a totally kick-ass chick so I am not sure on which way to go with that one. All of that aside, you saw the Golden Globes. The girl is damn fine. The whole raspy voice thing works in her favor, too. Only bad thing about her is she is blonde (I fucking can't stand blondes, ask my why and I will tell you with a few drinks in me) and she is kind of a mouth-breather. Think Napolean Dynamite. Even still, she is hella hot and on here. Tsugi!

#12 Christina Milian

Okay, I have learned from experience that you can't hold the past against a woman. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to yourself because you could be missing out on a good thing because of your prejudices. Now, with that being said.....

NICK CANNON HIT DAT!!

I'm sorry, I know I don't like to hold the past of a woman against them. But Nick Cannon? Man, FUCK NICK CANNON! That nigga ain't even funny! *Sigh* Even still, discounting that Christina is actually a very smart young lady (she told reportedly Ja Rule and 50 Cent to fuck off so she isnt a complete nitwit) and if interviews are any indication (and anyone who has done an interview knows that they could be utter and complete bullshit) she is actually very funny and down to earth. Now that phrase is tossed around a lot. Here is how I define it: not being Paris Hilton. Get it? Got It? Good. Next!

#11 Kumi Koda

Okay, I figured she would be higher too. Anyone that reads this knows that Kumi Koda and I need to be together like PB&J. That woman is on POINT. This is probably the ONLY time (and it bugs me to say it) that I can say that even if she had NO redeeming qualities whatsoever I would still date this woman. She could sell puppies to the black market and I would still want to be with this woman. She is that damn fine. I honestly can say that no other woman on the planet has that effect on me. Hell, LOOK AT HER!

Hell, listen to her! Check out Meaning Of Peace and Love. That song rules. Anyway, we have made the Top Ten, peeps! I will be the first to admit. What you see may shock and suprise you. Keep in mind that these are MY OWN PERSONAL OPINIONS. These are women that I find special in their own way. I am going to give the peeps a break because this post has been hellishly long. So get some juice, run around outside and enjoy the day. I will be back with the rest of the Top 20 either this evening or tomorrow night. Stay tuned! Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi out.

You Get What You Give

Morning, peeps. Another early update today, mainly because it's Saturday and I am going out this afternoon/evening to blow off some steam. So I am going to hit you guys off early today because the fact of the matter is I will probably be in NO condition to give an update when I get home.

Today I am going to try something new. I am going to play teacher today. Yes, Chachi is also a teacher. Besides, I don't want to go back to this blog being 'Chachi's Pity Party' and this is my release. As soon as I get out, they drag me back in...so with that being said:

I give you the very first installment of...

Learnin' Wit' Master Chief Captain Chachi!

Go to hell, Zach I don't care if it IS two different branches of the military that name RULES. Yes, today we are going to learn. Wait, don't go! There will be J-Pop and poop jokes later, I promise! Okay? Sweet. Today's lesson is about the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Now what does that mean you ask? That is a great question peeps. You see, the Self Fulfilling Prophecy basically runs like this. The self-fulfilling prophecy in its most basic form, is a false definition of the situation bringing on a new behavior which makes the original false idea of reality become actual 'truth'. In normal English it means when a person convinces themselves that a situation actually has a certain meaning, regardless of whether it actually does or not, they will take very real actions in consequence. Quite simply, if you convince yourself that in a situation something will happen, whether it is going to or not, you may (will) do steps to make that come true.

Why do I mention this? Because there are several people out there (hell, I have done this a few times) who say that the same thing happens to them no matter what they do. However in observation, they take steps and RESPOND to the situation the same way each time that leads to the result they expect. Therefore, it fulfills the preconceived notion that they had about how the situations they are in always end. That peeps is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Where did that come from, peeps? Let's just say that I have seen this crap in action and I believe that sometimes I believe that getting that Communications degree wasnt a COMPLETE waste. So now you know about the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Your homework: find someone that falls into this category and let Master Chief Captain Chachi know. Class dismissed. I CALL THE SWING!

You know what, where in the hell is the next Bennie K album?! They have three months before I get Jennifer Love Hewitt on their ass. Yeah, I used to write her a lot of letters when I was overseas. Like one a day. For about five months. After Kids Inc. got CANCELLED. How in the hell was I supposed to know, we got shows like six months late. Anyway, I have to stay about 100 feet away from her at all times and it still hurts me. I wonder how long the statute of limitations is on a restraining order against a nine year old. Anyway, in a perfect transition (NOT), here is a live performance of Sunrise by Bennie K. I am sure I have had this on here several times but I don't care. I love them and they WILL love me. Wow, she's right I am possessive. Anyway, check it out:

You know, this has officially topped Funkytown as my favorite song. EVER. I never thought I would say that but this song is just FUCKING AWESOME. Yuki and Cico...just yummy. They will be on the Top 20 for SURE. So, I am really digging Drive Slow with Paul Wall, Kanye, GLC and T.I. on the remix. It is a rolling groove, especially late at night (yeah, 2:48am was when I walked in the fricking door last night. I am REALLY beginning to hate this crap) because it's got that chopped and screwed feel, but not brain-fuckingly annoying like usual. Check it out:

Great track. So....you remember 'I'm The Juggernaught, Bitch!' from about two months ago? Well, the team is back with a spoof on the Power Rangers and all I can say is...it is actually KINDA funny. Pointlessly vulgar (just as the first one) but the background music was pretty funny. Chevy's Ridin High by Cool & Dre when the MegaZord was formed actually worked for me and the DragonZord theme was priceless. Check it out for yourself if you have eight minutes of your life you really aren't gonna miss. Luckily I multi-task very well. JOSE CONSECO!!!

Yeah, I think that is a good way to end this post. I may be up tomorrow to drop something for the peeps, if not I will be back no later than Tuesday. I'm gonna check out Nelly Furtado. Man, she is FINE. Oh, and I fucking hate Warner Brothers. Always have, always will. Ignorance, it's timeless and ageless. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

(Update: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PADME, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)

Yeah, You Know It

Good morning peeps. First off, good morning to all. Hope you had a good nights sleep. I sure as hell didn’t, I had a dream that I was in the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’. No shit, it was horrible. Even worse, my doppelganger is in there and we had a battle over a detonator. I can’t make this up peeps. Needless to say, it sucked the big one.

So, why such an early update? I will tell you why: gays settling down. If you don’t know my stance I will let you know: marriage is no longer a religious union in the eyes of god. It is now a parody (Britney Spears, I am looking at your ‘Pimp and Ho’ debacle) that as far as I am concerned can happen between a bear and a howler monkey. I believe that if two people are in love enough to say that they will stay together forever then hey, more power to them. People who say that marriage is between a man and a woman are just splitting hairs because marriage is no more sacred than a cell phone contract. Fuck the phrasing, as long as two people are willing to make the union they should be able to do so. Quite simply, any two people should be able to get married, male or female.

So with that being said, what is the big deal? I am really not a fan of people picking and choosing words from the holy books to prove points, but discount all the others (have you ever met someone that follows EVERY WORD of the bible or Koran? The answer is no because they say some WEIRD SHIT). If your issue with gays getting married is them being gay then the problem is with you. Let’s get this straight right now: gays are people like everyone else. People who discriminate on gays (sans Clay Aiken because he has transcended gay into a realm of his own existence) are stupid and not really a righteous person because loving all people is supposed to be the right thing to do. Therefore, quit being a hypocrite about loving all people, because you need to add a long fucking list of who isn’t included in your lovefest. Lastly, why is the GOVERNMENT (albeit State) passing legislation on a RELIGIOUS UNION?! Just like science, I want my government and religion as far away from each other as possible.

Oh, and in another news update….Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant. Um…yeah I got nothing. Just the thought of Britney and Anna Nicole living in nine wide trailer parks next to each other fighting over K-Fed on Cops is all I can imagine. And I don’t think I am ready for that vision right now. You know, I RARELY say people shouldn’t be allowed to have children because they are unfit, but Britney nearly DROPPED her kid (Jacko style) while Anna Nicole is just…let’s say I say an episode of the show. Yeah. This is not gonna be good.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow or maybe tonight, depending on what happens this evening. Stay up peeps.

AND CHACHI IS FOR GAYS SETTLING DOWN!!

Chachi’s (Coming) Out!

Just joking, I like boobies.

Roll With The New

I back, fools! Welcome to any new readers (all....two of you) to the Passion of Chachi. Not really much to it. I am gonna be honest, I would start from about February and read until now. That is when I was unemployed and PISSED off at life. There was some good stuff on the blog back then. Unlike now where its just pining about women and bitter rants about stuff I already ranted about. Don't worry, it will get better because the Chachi is back and he is here for the people.

That being laid out, it has been a while since I have mentioned the saucy ladies I used to have on the blog almost everyday. You know, back when Vida Guerra ended each post? Yeah, I'm gonna start doing that again. I know I have a large male demographic so I guess I gotta follow the peeps. So starting next week, I am going to do Chachi's Top 20 Sauciest Ladies much like Maxim does the Hot 100 but with no trollops on Chachi's countdown. Yeah, it will include some you may have seen, some you may know and some you may not. I will be open to suggestions for ladies that have been (Jackie Guerrido, Esther Baxter, Boa Kwon, Kumi Koda, Vida Guerra, etc.) on here and those that have not. There are a few ground rules, though:

No Requests for Jessica Alba. We are through and the split was amiable. I don't want to mess that shit up with a restraining order placed against me a la Alyssa Milano. I'm still hurt by that one, I thought we had something special, girl.
No Suggesting Women You Know I Can't Stand. For every person that says I should add Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan I will punt a kitten. I am dead fucking serious. Kittens will be placed through uprights if you do that.
Only Real Women. Now I debated this after the whole Advent Children fiasco with the aerodynamic Tifa and the undead (but still HOT) Aeris, but I can't go for that. No CGI women, that shit is just creepy.

And that's it. Everything else is wide open. I will probably start the middle of next week (Wednesday, maybe Tuesday depending on what they dump on me at the work front), doing about three or four a day until the final two. Until then, I am open to suggestions and votes. Let the games begin!

Okay, so it has been a while since I mentioned Orange Range on the blog. Mainly because their remix album Squeezed sucked it HARD. I mean really hard, I flat out didn't like it and felt like I wasted thirteen bucks. Well, they seem to have redeemed themselves with the song Champione. I downloaded it yesterday from Jpopsuki (couldn't find it on Yesasia) and I must say, it is pretty damn kick ass. If you aren't into the J-Pop/J-Rock thing this song ain't for you and this video sure as HELL ain't for you. I dig this song, and I don't have to find them and beat them with sticks because of the Squeezed fiasco. Check it out:

Yeah, it's a tad quirky. The song grows on you...if you dig that kind of thing. I am figuring a lot of you DON'T dig that kind of thing but it's my fucking blog. Speaking of kick ass, it seems that UVERworld has given me another reason to live. My god, I don't care who you are if you like rock, these guys do it. I had hyped these guys up for about a month (before the blog became Chachi's pity party) and I PROMISE to get some streaming music from their album Timeless up before the end of next week. I lost the code for the streaming media player but I will get right on it. Right after this kick ass video. I think this is the new theme for Blood+ (which I am getting caught up on. Anime fans, this show is teh awesome so give it a whirl. Can't find any new episodes and I don't know if the DVD's are out yet) to boot. Here is Colors of the Heart by UVERworld:

Shit yes, that song is the mad notes. If Linkin Park is looking for an opening act for their next tour, here you go. Thank me later. Oh, and Filelodge is pissing me off. I can't log in and change songs. I have to find a new host for the tunes. Just fucking great. You know what I found on my iPod at work? An old school jam that takes me back to the 5th grade. Man, the carefree days of youth, before the real world crush your spirit and reality puts your hopes and dreams in a paper bag, only to stomp on it. That and kickball, fools! While I reminisce, here is some Hi-Five your your groovin pleasure with I Like The Way (Kissing Game):

Man, that song was the jam. Too bad they never hit big after that. Although She's Playing Hard To Get was pretty good. That was the first song I heard when I came back to the states after 4 years overseas so it is rather special. Well, I am about to hop off the computer for a bit. Gotta get ready for tomorrow and stuff. Before I go, I gotta kick it old school one more time. And you can't get much more old school than this. Without going before I was born, anyway. I should heed this advice more often. My friends always keep telling me to Cool It Now:

Yeah, that's enough of that. Stay up peeps and enjoy the night.

Chachi out.

The Ruler IS BACK!

Morning, peeps! Sorry about yesterday and not having anything up when I got home. Teq had his last show at Union Station last night so I went to show some support. Sad part was that I had to be to work like thirty fucking minutes after I arrived but what can you do? Just go with the flow.

Secondly, it has been brought to my attention the the Passion of Chachi has taken a…darker turn. I have looked over the last eight or nine posts and I can see it. I have been a downer and a punk ass bitch. I am one pack of eyeliner and a teddy bear away from being some emo kid whining in his closet about how he father doesn’t love him and how some bitch broke his heart, writing poetry about how life is meaningless without love and that its not worth living in hopes of putting those chalice-ass words into a song and beinig the next Panic at the Disco! or My Chemical Romance. To that I say HELLS NO. I take your advice and I will use it, peeps. No more of the ‘woe-is-me’ Chachi. Back is the ‘break my foot off in your ass for breathing funny’ Chachi. What time is it? Party time!

Hells yeah, Luck Dragons RULE. So, to get back to the old format of the blog, a news update. Um…pedophiles are idiots. WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO BE NEXT TO CHILDREN FOR? Research? I mean damn, they don’t let OJ near Spring Break or R. Kelly around…well playgrounds. See, this is like I was saying yesterday. Common sense is dead, man. The fact that they even have the THOUGHT to sue to be near a park is just stupid beyond STUPID. I mean c’mon. C’mon.

So last night at Teq's show I realized something: we as black people are out of ideas. After several years of kick ass dances (Roger Rabbit and the Running Man, anyone) and bad ass fashion, what are we left with as our 'style'? The 'lean wit it' and 'white tees'. WHITE TEES? I can buy a white tee at Wal-Mart! Anyone can be fashionable now! What is worse is that if the fashion isn't lame, it's just fricking bad. Remember my rant on the LED belts? Well I have a new idea, and I am sure someone has either thought of it, is workiing on it, or will steal it by the end of this blog: LED Grillz. Think about it. That would be the biggest thing since LED Rims or Spinning Grillz. Um...I may have started something I can't control. Lord, please let this just be a rant and not reality. Jail really isn't my gig because if these ideas come to fruition because if they do I am TOTALLY gonna mess someone up.

Well, I am about to head to work. I say the nay no to that, but stay up till this evening. I will try to upload the Teq performance on YouTube and give another rant tonight. TRY to, I'm hella tired running on 2 hours of sleep. But hey, it's for the people.

Chachi out.

Man, it had to be said....

Alright, peeps. Time for another update. I told ya’ll I would be back a lot quicker now. I’ve had a few days to look at the aftermath of the experience that was X-Men 3 – The Last Stand. I must say, I enjoyed the movie experience. It was nowhere NEAR as good as the second one, but it was better than the first and a lot better than the work Marvel has been putting out not named Spiderman. That being said, every gripe you have heard about the movie is dead on. It is short, borders on campy and just kind of jumps into it. With that being said, it is STILL a good movie and a pretty exciting blockbuster. I still think Superman Returns will be better by leaps and bounds, but that is just me.

Next, I believe it is time for a rant. Now I am sure that you are thinking: ‘Duece, what the hell else could you rant about?’ Hell, I have ranted about Jesus and the handicapped. What else is there, you ask? I am going to go back to an old staple. As you all know, I have come to the decision that common sense is dead. In all walks of life, at all levels, the thought of accountability has been replaced by passing blame and just all around asshattedness. Yes, that is a word I just made it up. Yet, something just hit me today. What if having common sense…doesn’t make sense?

Follow me here, peeps I am going somewhere with this. When I was in college, a female friend of mine and I were discussing political and social views (Yes, I am sad when that is what I want to talk about with a woman. Fucking sue me, I’m lame) and the discussion got on the fact of tuition assistance. I am a black male (yeah, like you didn’t know ) and I could not get grants because:

My grades were too high in high school (Why in the fuck did I try to learn if being stupid gets you into college?!)
My parents made a little too much (Being military, I was a dependent so that is partly my own fault. But my parents were the damn Hiltons, they had bills like everyone else)

She said ‘That doesn’t make any sense!’ Then she said, and I will never forget this; ‘I don’t understand why I went to school, got good grades, didn’t get knocked up and followed all the laws and yet I have to pay full tuition costs while some b***h with two kids by 18 gets grants out the ass so she can just drop out after 2 semesters. Just stupid.’ Now it may have been the alcohol thinking, but I was in love right then and there because she finally saw what I had been thinking for about 3 years. It's easier to be stupid.

Now before you get all up in a tizzy…I don’t care. I am right on this. Laws should be made to protect the innocent, not save the stupid. You have laws for seatbelts and helmets and other common sense things. I am not big on survival of the fittest as much as I used to be (money throws one hell of a kink into that chain of logic) but at some point, people need to learn the consequences of what they do. Think about it: I know my views piss people off (The 3 people that read this thing anyway. Lost a reader yesterday) and yet I know my bounds. There are a few places that I don’t go because I know that:

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.

Sounds hokey, but I have used it before because it is a true statement. Who said comic books couldn't be deep? Whether it be the power of words, the internet or money you must know the routes you can go before you are abusing power. The greatest power humans have is free will because it is the most volatile power out there. Free will has changed the course of history more than anything (IMHO) else, and if you can’t use common sense in its most BASIC form (like not peeing on minors), how can you even begin to comprehend rational thought. I’m just saying. Long story short, we should NOT coddle stupid behavior. My original point (Yeah, I got sidetracked by a shiny object) was that common sense is not worth having because it is easier to be a dipshit. While that might be true, it is not the RIGHT THING TO DO. Ignorance spreads faster than intelligence. Remember that peeps. In closing, ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME GODDAMN SENSE PEOPLE!! I'M THROUGH PLAYING AROUND WITH YA'LL!

Well, that is all for now. Break time and all. Just had to get that out. I will TRY to get something up when I get home. Till then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

I Keeps It Real, Fool! Real Dumb.

First things first: I officially apologize to the Marvel fanboys that read this blog. 120 MILLION DOLLARS IN FOUR DAYS?! Holy shit, I had no idea people loved the X-Men so much. I honestly liked the movie and I have to send a personal apology to Brett Ratner. I will send your kitten back ASAP. What can I say, I know when I am wrong and I was hella wrong about it sucking it hard.

With that being said, I want to return to the Da Vinci Code for a minute. As you all know, I loved that movie seeing as how the ‘albino monk bitch-slapping a nun’ ration was the highest ever. With that being said, I think I have a new word to bring to the masses. No longer will I use the derogatory words to describe the female gullyhole (Except yak. That word still rules all). From this point on, the word for vagina is:

Chalice

Yep, you got that right. I am putting that in the daily vernacular of the Duece. Gimmie that chalice, girl! See, it flows like H2O already. You know, I should charge for being this damn awesome. Yet, I do it all for the peeps. I’m up to six readers now! So whoever you are in Spokane, welcome to the Chachi Show! Hope you enjoy your stay, we have complementary punch and pie for each meeting.

Now real quickly before people begin to ask me what in the hell I am doing. I am going to become a rapper. They always say know your enemy, and no one has been at war with rap more than I over the last three years. Might as well join them. I am working on songs (I actually wrote half of one on the FREX this morning. It’s like Jennifer Lopez, rapping takes no skill at all!) and I am tentatively naming the album…(you ready, Griff)...CON-PHUNK-TATION!

Hell yes, I am bringing it back like Big Wheels! Man, I ain't said that word since the 12 grade. Aaahhh, good stuff. So far I am working on a song called ‘(No Cure For) The Boogaloo Flu and I tell you it is TIGHT BANGING. Now I just need a beat and someone to sing the hook and I am in business! Well, I may be back to drop some videos and rant about the Chalice this evening (see, I go full circle on these things) but if not, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Sometimes you gotta charge it to the game...

Morning peeps. Fuck, am I tired. The sucky thing about being up early to go to work is that when you don't have to go in you STILL wake up early. I slept about 2 hours on Friday night (with no hangover) and 2 more on Saturday night (with no hangover) and drove to the airport and got lost on East Colfax while trying to get off I-70. By the way, black people don't scare me but I can see how they can scare people who aren't used to seeing the scowling. Do niggas have to mean mug ALL THE FUCKING TIME? I mean seriously, life ain't all ballwhacks and eye pokes so quit acting like it. Smile sometime, it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown. So turn that frown upside down and think of rainbows and gumdrops. Holla at 'cha boy.

So a friend of mine truly hates James Blunt. It seems that the English happen to agree with him. You know, I do like You're Beautiful but I luckily listen to an MP3 deck so I can listen to him when I want to instead of 3 times an hour which I am sure they do on the radio. You know, if American radio stations had the balls to do this kind of thing against 50 Cent, Nelly or T.I. (and I love that dude to death but I really don't 'know about that' and I really don't FUCKING CARE!) I might still love hip hop. Nah, with people like Rick Ross keeping the ignorance flowing like Cristal, rap will continue to SUCK IT HARD. I mean seriously, is rapping even hard anymore? I used to say it was easy to rap but hard to be GOOD at it. It seems that so few people even try anymore than if you can make words rhyme that aren't the same WORD you are the next Rakim. How can you rhyme 'hard' with 'hard' and expect to be any good? How about 'tard' because that is what you are. Congrats, Rick Ross. You are officially the newest rapper on the 'Sucks It Hard' list. Hell, I may have to go in reverse and create a list of rappers that DON'T suck because that will be a hell of a lot easier. The list of crappy rappers is longer than the list of rappers that have banged Karrine Steffans. Hell, even Ray J hit that and I don't know what the hell he does.

Oh, back to James Blunt. Um...yeah he's tolerable. I can see how he can be annoying to some because his voice is special. But I am going to divulge something to you, peeps. As you know, the last two weeks has been rather teh suck and I have been having a rough time. So I went out and bought two albums to get over it: T.I.'s King and Daniel Powter's album. And you know what? The both KICK ASS. I already downloaded T.I.'s album and knew what it was all about. I said it was lackluster but it was the advance copy and half the songs werent mastered or were shelved altogether. The official release is rather good. I hated 'Why You Wanna' when I first heard it but it grows on you after about five times. You don't know how many times I wanted to tell a girl that she was with a sucka emcee and needed to drop the zero and get with a hero. Peeps, whoever can name the movie that line is from gets a Chic-Fil-A sandwich. Anyway, check out some T.I.

T.I.ger Woods, ya'll. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Screw you, that shit is funny. Anyway, back to Daniel Powter. I bought T.I. because I was pissed off about a situation and needed some anger management music. After I was able to release that anger (Saturday afternoon/evening) I had my own pity party where I pined like a punk bitch for half a day. I had been listening to Bad Day by Daniel Powter earlier in the week but I never really LISTENED to it. After listening to it and the album on the way back to the Springs from D-Town Saturday night (at like 2am, great stuff) I realized that song wrapped up all my issues and problems in a small little package and let me throw it out the window on I-25. I think I hit a deer with my sorrow. Better my baggage than a semi, I guess. The rest of the album ain't too shabby either (kind of a Rob Thomas meets Nickelback feel to it) and it really changed my mood. I don't think I have ever had this song up before. I'm sure you have heard it (radio loves this kind of song) so here it is in video form. Bad Day by Daniel Powter:

I know there are some people out there that hate this song. I can understand why, it is rather redundant. But you know what? Music is for the heart and soul. If you feel it and the music touches a nerve or generates an emotion then I cant hate on that. Those of you asking about my double standard with 50 Cent can eat my ass, btw. NO EMOTION is generated from 'In Da Club'. Except rage.

Now that I have gotten some things out of my system, it's time to rant. It has been a while since I have ranted for the peeps mainly because I am tired when I get in. However, this needs to be said. Now you all know my stance on religion: if it gets you through your life and gives you direction/peace then I am all for it. Just don't push your shitty values on me and sure as HELL don't tell me that your deity is the one true path to heaven/enlightenment/nirvana/Portland or where ever the fuck your special happy place is. I made the mistake of watching VH1 on Saturday morning while getting ready to head out of the house and they were talking about a show with Kirk Cameron. Those of you not familiar with him, he was Mike Seaver from Growing Pains with a best friend named Boner. Yes, they said Boner on TV in the 80's. Anyway, this asshat has a show about how to communicate the word of the Lord-ah and Jesus-ah to the masses that have enough common sense to know to stay away from anyone that would WATCH A SHOW ABOUT HOW TO COMMUNICATE THE WORDS OF THE BIBLE TO RATIONAL PEOPLE! Herein lies the problem with some (not all) followers in religion.

In college I wrote a paper in my Philosophy of Religion class about rational thought and the Bible. My point was that the Bible is about belief, not about objective thought. Really think about it; the bible is a story of fables and anecdotes that you live your life by. In my opinion, that should be IT. People believe the stories in books of worship really happened but can't (or won't)grasp the concept of evolution? Bitch please! At least we have proof of evolution: 50 Cent and K-Fed being the missing links in the evolution chart:

You look me in the eye and tell me they don't look like a stepping stone in evolution and you would be a fool ass LIAR. Evolution is seen as false by most religious bodies. Yet the bible had raining frogs, plagues upon plagues, dragons, horsemen, talking bushes, a dude that split a SEA and a Jew that was beaten and nailed to a cross and didn't complain ONCE. That is bullshit, we all saw the Hebrew Hammer (and if you didn't shame on you because that shit was HILARIOUS). It is just funny to me how selective people can be in what they believe.

So you ask: Duece, what do you believe in? Well, that is a very interesting question. All I can say is this: I have in the last 8 years looked at Christianity (Catholicism to be specific), Buddhism, Islam, Judeism (Hey, any people that will do what they did to Jesus is a team I want to be down with because they don't PLAY), Mormonism and Scientology. After doing research, I really don't think I could be down with any team. It is kind of how I feel about politics: I don't affiliate with parties, I affiliate with my beliefs and stances. If a Democrat is for rights of Americans to be able to aquire guns legally easier then I am for that person. If a Republican is for the placement of Affirmative Action in schools where more than 90% of one race makes up a student body then I am for THAT person. In religion, I cannot say that I could believe in ALL the rules and expectations for one religion because for the most part they are all the same and secondly they (for the most part, there are some sects that don't follow this) believe their religion is the 'true' way to get into heaven. I find that stupid, personally. I believe that if you live your life the best you can and just follow common sense (no killing people, no peeing on minors, etc.) that you will get into 'Heaven'. The fact that people think that their 'God' (no matter which religion) is petty enough to not let someone into eternal peace because they didn't give to the church or blow themselves up in their name is not a 'God' I want to worship. I'd rather go to fucking Detroit, and I HATE THAT PLACE. Never been, but still it just seems like a hellhole.

Quite simply, my point is this. People that follow an organized religion are cool. However, I also believe that just because you don't go to a house of worship doesnt make you any less of a person. The fact that believers feel that because they read a book that they are getting into the club is totally asinine. There are people that dont go to church that are better people all around in terms of being fair and just than regular church goers. Yet, because they don't believe in an organized body of faith they are gonna go to hell? Bullshit. You know, someone in my class told me that just because you don't believe in Hell doesn't mean you can't go. Well, I responded that the exact same goes for Heaven. If I happen to be wrong and there IS a heaven and I have been a good person I believe that just do to phrasing that I would go there, right? Someone correct me if I am wrong because I haven't read the Bible in YEARS. Oh, and like I said before I don't categorize all devout people as smug, elitist fucktards. Unlike some people out there, I don't believe in making a general assumption about a segment of people due to the actions of a few idiots and basing a life view on that. That would be DUMB AS FUCK, WOULDNT IT?!

Man, that was cold-blooded. I guess I shouldn't have went there but what can I say. You know, I have like...three maybe four female readers and I have been told this blog is abrasive and not very female friendly. Seeing as my lady troubles are WELL documented in previous entries (I got negative feedback about my women being stupider than zeebras analogy) and in conversations with the readers, I wanted to make this right. So for the ladies, I looked high and low for a poem to show you how much I love you. I have found those words. This is dedicated to the sexy, sexy ladies in my life. Over the age of 18, of course. Except in West Virginia and Kentucky. I ask you...what is love?

C'mon, ladies. That was funny. *sigh* Fine, I'm sorry. I am not taking into account your feelings and whatnot. Well, I guess that is the story of my life. As I mentioned earlier, it has been rough times in Duece City. For those that know me and know my rough month or so, I want to say big ups for putting up with me being a total punk bitch for that time. Well, those days are over. Gonna have one last song and let it go. All I have is six words....DRU HILL HELP ME SING IT!!!!

Ah, now that makes me feel a LOT better. Like I said last night, sometimes you gotta realize you did something stupid, chalk it up as a loss and charge it to the game. Man, I hate charging to the game.

Anyway, this has been a hella long holiday post so I am about to head out for a spell and enjoy the rest of my day off. I will try to be back up on Thursday or Friday for ya'll depending on how long I stay up on D-Town. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.