Oh boy! A double header!!

Alrighty, peeps. I would like to get to the second half of Chachi's Top 20 Ladies, but first I must get something off my chest. I forgot to rant about this yesterday and this morning (mainly because I was fricking tired) but meter maids can officially lick my taint. I am sick and tired of getting parking tickets at the most asinine times. The first one I got was last year when I went to Rumbay (ooohhhh, the fucking fun!) at 9:45pm and I received a ticket. AT 9:45 PM! How in the hell does that happen? It was a 25 dollar ticket at a time I had no idea they gave them! Then yesterday at lunch I got one in the middle of the afternoon (around 12:30). ON A SATURDAY. First off, why would you charge to park in a second-rate (hell, third rate) city on a weekend? Dicks. To make it even worse, I got there at about 11:45 and there was 40 minutes in the meter. I was shocked someone paid on a weekend and left it at that. That means the officer WAITED by my car until the meter ran out. Catch rapist or a terrorist, asshat. Just fucking stupid.

Anyway, back to the Top 20. We have entered the Top 10, which means that I think all these women are beautiful. Now you will notice some omissions. Here are some that are not (and will not) ever be on any list of mine:

Eva Longoria
Angelina Jolie
Charlize Theron
Jennifer Lopez (P. Diddy AND Ben Affleck? Aw, hell naw!)
Anyone else that Maxim, AskMen or FHM had in their Top 100

Why? Because being attractive and being beautiful (IMHO) are two different things. Being attractive is one thing, usually visual. Some people have an attractive personality or attitude, but being attractive is a singe trait. To me, being beautiful is a combination of several traits that make up a perfect person. Like I have stated before, I have never met any of these women so I don't know them enough to judge their character or say 'that's wife material' (except #1. I'd marry that woman HELLA QUICK). With that being said I do believe, from what I have seen from them in all points that they are great people (and not too shabby, either) and deserve my respect. And to be stack ranked like the BCS Rankings. Anyway, back to the countdown. We start at number ten with a no-brainer.

#10 Halle Berry

Now this is the biggest AH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH moment in the history of the world. It doesn't matter where she is at on this little post, she is the ultimate. Even when she played a crack head in Jungle Fever, she was still beautiful. I also think her performance in Losing Isiah was a VERY underrated performance, and sure as HELL better than Monster's Ball. If was a fucking shame Halle had to show her jubblies and Denzel had to just show the hell out to get Oscars. Disturbing. Even still, she made Gothika worth watching. GOTHIKA. She was even sexy in Catwoman (which I have seen 8 minutes. The worst 8 minutes of my life), and we know how hard that would be. All in all, this is a given because I don't care what anyone says, Halle is just an all-round beauty and SEEMS to be a nice person. I mean who HASNT committed a hit and run? Oh, and she had the sense to leave Eric Benet. I will NEVER understand that brainfart. Anyway, she's awesome. Next is someone I debated for a while putting above Halle. Next we have...

# 9 Jessica Biel

You know, Jessica Biel has always been very attractive in my eyes. Even more so than some of the other actresses in her era (Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanssen, Kirsten Dunst, etc), but what I really dig about her is...you guessed it. Her eyes are stunning. Not as deep as Nelly Furtado but still, they are just great. Secondly, she is suprisingly funny. Not Tina Fey funny but quick on her toes. That to me is hella sexy. A woman that can ad lib or come up with a joke/comeback at the drop of a dime makes for great conversation. I have always said that you can have an intelligent conversation with a significant other, you are in some deep trouble. She seems like a good talker and I likes that. Like I said, I am a weird dude. Combine that with...well she is hot, and you have a very beautiful lady that I would like to take for a nice walk and maybe to a coffee shop. Yeah, I'm a geek. Now, time for the shocker.

#8 Jackie Guerrido

You know what. I just want you to watch this:

I will be the first to tell you: I like that boo-twah. Jackie Guerrido has a BOOOOOO-TWAAAH. I don't believe in objectifying women (although, in its purist form, isn't ranking them objectifying them? The more you know...) but C'MON! Jackie is damn fine! To top it off, she speaks SPANISH, the language of 'hell yeah'! Every evening is a good evening when Jackie is giving the weather. Man, this is getting intense. Next we have...

#6 Mandy Moore

Okay, this is where the names get either unfamiliar or receive a 'bwaaaaah?' Let me first say this. Mandy Moore has a gorgeous smile. Just goddamn perfect. It is weird because I am not a fan of the Barbie doll, 'pop tart' (not my words) look but she pulls it off. I have only heard a few of her songs (I will admit, I like Crush and I Want To Be With You from Center Stage, which didn't completely suck it hard) but I am SO a fan of her acting. If you have not seen Saved! or American Dreamz, you are missing out on to of the best comedic performances in a long time, especially Saved! which sticks it to Christians. We all know how much I love to see that. What is really cool is that she is naturally funny (you can tell when she does Mad TV, which isn't funny at ALL) and seems to be a genuinely nice person. Just so nice you want to wrap her up and give her to yourself like Master Shake did with the mail order bride. Quite simply, Mandy Moore is just wonderful. Sigh, I'm all a flutter.

Time for a commercial break!

CROSS-FIY-AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Yeah!

Well, back to our show.

#5 Vida Guerra

Okay, you knew she was coming it was just a matter of when. There is nothing to explain. NOTHING. It's Vida. I have a real issue with her being reportedly as dumb as a brick, but that has yet to be verified. If it is true, that moves her down A LOT because she already has Chalice tattoo and enhanced jubblies and those are usually no no's for me (especially having a tattoo near your hoo-hah. That is ground zero). However, in true Duece fashion, she has a boo-twah. Frr the Duece that trumps a lot of stuff. For the Chachi, that means jack shit if she is a fucking mouth-breather. Either way, she is up here and she stays for now. Besides....look at that. Just...YES. Okay, I have a LOT of explaining to do with this one.

#4 BoA

Okay, first off she is 19 years old so leave those thoughts at the door. Second off, she is the only person other than Sowelu that makes me say kawaii without wanting to beat myself a la Silas in The Da Vinci Code. the weird think is much like Sowelu, I heard her voice before I saw her and I only saw her by accident. Anime fans know of the theme for Serial Experiments Lain (which I have still yet to see after the first 12 minutes of the first episode. I gotta get on that) Duvet was recorded by a group named Boa:

That song kicks ass. Anyway, I began looking for 'Boa' on LimeWire and ended up with BoA (Kwon) songs. They sounded nothing like the group but they had a pop feel to it and that was back during my anti-rap phase so I stuck with it. Then I actually saw her and yes I thought she was beautiful. She could sing, dance and speak four languages (Korean, Japanese, English and Chinese dialects). Dude, that is a geeks DREAM right there. Then I found La La Love Song with Soul'd Out and it was fricking over. It was full fledged smittenness (not a word, I know). I am honestly indifferent with the way people think about her (Griff, I am looking at you) she is beautiful and talented. Oh, and she can WORK a skirt.

Giggidy giggidy, giggidy goo. She is awesome. Down to three, peeps!

#3 Bennie K (Cico & Yuki)

Aw, hells yeah! Cico and Yuki make me want to become a Mormon! Not really, but these two ladies are teh awesome. Talented, beautiful and most importantly humble. After reading the translation of the Bennie K Show DVD, they are really down to earth about being (arguably) the biggest group in Japan right now. I'm talking bigger than Funkytown, peeps. FUNKYTOWN. That's real big. Yuki has a great voice (check out the live PV's posted from YouTube and her voice is just as impeccable on stage as it is on CD and Cico's rapping (not really GREAT, but still better than the majority of female rappers out now) meshes well to create a wonderful mix. Also add in the fact that they are very attractive young ladies (Especially Yuki. My god) and you have...well my Oasis. Yuki and Cico share number 3 and they share my heart. Wow, that is fucking cheesy. Eh, who cares. That's Bennie-frickin-K.

And then, there were two. And this is gonna be a shocker. Here we go, peeps.

#2 Shakira

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Before you flip out, I love Shakira. I love her voice and her music as a whole. She is a beautiful woman and she is FRICKING COLOMBIAN. You couldn't beat that if you wanted to. Even more than that, Shakira is an artist and she is bloody great songwriter to boot. Especially Estoy Aqui, one of my favorite songs of all time. And yet, there is something else about her...I can't quite put my finger on it...

Wow, that puts a stamp on it. Well, we are down to #1. Who is it? Well, here is Chachi's Most Beautiful Lady!

#1 Kate Winslet

Okay, why does Kate Winslet top Shakira? Well, first off she made Titanic watchable. That in itself shows that she is a team player because that movie was BAAAAAAAAAA-AD. Also, she looks so...real. Kate Winslet looks like a real woman, whether made up for a movie or in paparazzi photos. Just a natural looking beauty that really radiates. Also, she has a killer voice:

Congratulations, Kate. That concludes the Top 20. I'll do more random stuff every now and again when I have time. Oh, look at the bottom of the screen. I have some UVERworld and BoA for streaming. Take a listen, they kick the ass. Today's posts were pretty long, so I may not post tomorrow. Or I may. You gotta stay tuned! Must See Chachi, peeps. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Update: Do Americans butcher Japanese songs just to piss me off? I used to love Ike Ike. Until they translated into English.

Magic night, mini skirt, pretty girl?! What the fuck, man?! How dare you butcher a Para Para classic, you asshats! Man. Some things just need to be left alone.

Oh, and Nick Cannon is endorsing Boost Mobile. I guess the prophecy was right, I do have to eliminate him. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!