Spring has sprung...right back into WINTER.

You know what? Mother nature is a bitch. She needs to be put in her place, I tell you what. No need for me to be cold in March. There is something really wrong with that. Also, what is with women and fur? You do understand thay you don't look sexy as much as you look like a cavewoman. I hate fur coats, not because I love animals but because it is tacky looking. Unless you killed it yourself, you shouldnt wear fur. It should be a badge of honor winstead of a badge of bad fashion taste.

Well, enough on that. I watched Shinobi straight through (with no interruptions this time so I could read all the subtitles) and one thing bugs me: movies about ancient Japan and China that are based on true events. Im not talking about the shitfests like Open Water and The Hills Have Eyes. BTW, same as When A Stranger Calls, I will FUCK YOU UP if you see that movie. Anyway, I like how they take stories about the shoguns, but did they really have kick-ass ninja abilities?

You are DAMN RIGHT they did, which is why I want to become the Shogun of Colorado. Z will be dubbed the Official Vice-Shogun of Beatdowns, which is a pretty cake job. He just says 'You know who we should beatdown? Greece.' Then Greece gets their ass handed to them. Kumi Koda is my first lady while Vida Guerra is my second lady (because I'm the SHOGUN. I can have as many ladies as I want!) and we will rule with an iron fist!

Anyway, back to Shinobi. I can honestly say there was only one bad part of the movie. And it wasnt BAD as much as you went 'that was kinda hokey'. There was another part that pissed me off, but it was more a relection of how evil women can be. if you have seen The Ice Harvest, you know what I mean. Aside from those two parts, there is a tragic love story, a bad ass zombie warrior, a kick ass score and well choreographed fights albeit hella short. If it ever comes to the USA unraped by Quentin Tarrentino, I recommend you check it out. Also, Ayumi Hamasaki performs the closing theme. It doesn't get much better than that. Check out Heaven.

I know video has nothing to do with the movie, but it was released as an album single rather than a track for the movie. I loves the song none the less. And her voice is incredible when you put into perspective the different styles of music she sings. Compare this to Evolution (I put it up on Wednesday I think) and you will see her voice is very dynamic. I should be on American Idol as a judge. Get rid of Randy's ass and put me on there.

Alrighty, it has been what, a day since I have had some Kumi Koda up on here. That is WAY to long for me to not have my fix. I NEED IT. Here is a live rendition of No Regret, and although its not one of my favorite songs from her it is live and she is the best live performer out there this side of probably Missy Elliott or System of A Down. Not a fan of either or their music, but they can rock a show like no other. Anyway, back to my lady love.

You know, I am about 15 deep in terms of watching her live performances, and I have YET to see her lip synch a full song. She has a pre-recorded vocal track, but she is singing for the most part except for the hook. Aside from Kumi and New Edition (I STILL want to see a show with Bobby ever since they couldnt make the USO show with MC Hammer. Now THAT was a party!), I dont think anyone does the live singing dancing thing anymore. That and she still has a good singing voice when dead tired and making moves. Guess that's why I'm smitten. Being saucy doesn't hurt either.

So next Friday is the day. V For Vendetta comes out and I cannot WAIT! It looks great, Natalie Portman bald is not to shabby (and she is a hell of a rapper too. Now that Lil Kim is in jail, she should make her move for the crown of Queen of Hip Hop) and they blow up Big Ben. Take THAT England! Oooohhh, we have a big ass clock! Big deal, Flava Flav has one AND his own show. Beat that, you tea sipping umbrella jockeys! And take back Hugh Grant, you bastards! Oh, and Madonna if you want her. Anyway, back to V For Vendetta. I glanced at the graphic novel at Barnes and Noble and it didnt look too bad. Check out the trailer:

Fight the power, porcielin man. All in all, looks to be a kick ass film. Did I mention Natalie Portman is quite the fine?

Ah, Padme. You made the last three Star Wars watchable. Like a young Winona Ryder. Leave me alone, I have a thing for elves.

I gotta run, ya'll. Douchebrawl ends TONIGHT so make sure to vote and see who makes the Final Four of Douchedom! Well, all things must come to an end. Wait.....

Aaaahhh, there's the end. Stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Kicking it old school.

Yo, yo, yo! What it is, homies?! Chachi coming at cha like a bull moose, fool! So, if you haven't noticed by now, this is Throwback Thursday, peeps. If it goes over well, I may keep this idea. If not, it can go in the same pile as Go-Bots Meets Rock Warriors.

So last night I had a discussion with Griff about the worst rap songs ever. We tossed out a lot of names. P. Diddy, LL. Cool J, Nelly, Mase's whole body of work. All these artists made really crappy rap songs. But seeing how this is Throwback Thursday, I am gonna kick the 90's whack jams for you guys. I bring to you the Throwback Thursday 'Throw It Back' Tracks. The worst rap songs that odds are you haven't heard of. But if a song sucks and no one hears it, it still sucks. Deep, I know.

First off, we have Oaktown 357. Now back in the day I had all of MC Hammer's albums (hell, I still have my copy of his Active Duty, more out of pity than anything else) but I never got into Oaktown's album. Why? Because aside from Get Loose (GREATEST DANCE SONG EVER) their body of work left a lot to be desired. Below is their first single, Juicy Got'Em Crazy. Um, yeah 'juicy' is what you think it is.

Yep, they juicy ain't got ME crazy. Well, the next song was one that the second worst phrase into the American vernacular: MyBabyDaddy. Keep in mind, peeps. MyBabyDaddy is one word, no spaces and no pauses. To split the words up like normal people downplays the ignorance. To top it all off, this song was actually a HIT as women everywhere referred to the nigga they let hit it after the club without the jimmy hat as MyBabyDaddy. Even worse is that is probably the legal term now too, look at the Maury Povich Show. It's how he makes his living. Anyway, feel the ignorance.

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God, the breakdown at the end still makes me want punch a cat. Next is Vanilla Ice's I Love You. Now say what you will about the guy, EVERYONE had a copy or a dub (back when we used cassettes, baby! I refused to give up cassettes until like 1999 cuz STAY rewinding, son!) of To The Extreme. I liked Ice Ice Baby and sadly I have to admit I saw Cool As Ice. In the theater. Even still, this song sucked ass, as did the rest of the album sans Ice Ice Baby and Play That Funky Music. This song is dedicated to Jessica Alba. Cuz I love you, girl.

Hmm, as much as I can't stand L.L. Cool J (buy some Carmex, fool! Licking your lips makes it worse!) he should have sued the HELL out of Ice. He pulled a Michael Bolton for your ASS, and L.L ain't even dead. Must be how the Isley Brothers felt. Next is one that I completely blocked out. As a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan. I really refused to acknowledge this songs existence. Yesterday, Zach bought it back to my attention. Good job, this song almost ruined my day. Check out Partners In Kryme (yes, that's the spelling peeps) and feel the T-U-R-T-L-E Power.

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Wow, the suckitude of that song is massive. AND LEONARDO WAS THE LEADER, YOU ASS! This next to last one is a song I got from a CD sampler back in 1998 if I'm not mistaken. My sister got a gaggle of demo CD's free in college (Because if there is one all niggas have, its a demo CD to give you) and some of them were good. These guys weren't one of them. These suckasses are called the Hi-Town DJ's and the HI stands for 'hella ignorant' or something because this song is CRAP on a disc. Also, this song is not suitable for children. It aint suitable for ADULTS for that matter, but hey do what you gotta do. Sigh, here is 'Ring-A-Ling' by the Hi-Town DJ's.

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I'm STILL looking for a place to send the hate mail. Or the mountain lion.

News time! So they are ordering Michael Jackson to close down Neverland. If they close it, the children won't come. Not like THAT, nasty nellies. All I can say is that it is about time. All they have to do now is block R. Kelly from buying video equipment and children can sleep safe. In even sadder news....The Wayans Brothers are at again. NO NO NO NO NO! We are talking a show that could be worse than Homeboyz In Outer Space and C-Bear and Jamal COMBINED. Who keeps on letting them do stuff?! We have a black cartoon character and his name is Frylock! That is all we need, let it go!

Well, that is enough for now. Douchebrawl 2006 is open until Midnight tomorrow, in which the Final Four will begin Saturday morning and will stay open until next Friday! Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Tell your pets! No guinea pigs, they freak me out. Oh, and VH1 should just stop playing videos and just play the I Love shows 24/7. I love this I Love Toys show. Hungry Hungry Hippos fool! What?! Well, I'm gonna finish off Shinobi. So far, this movie is pretty damn spiffy. Stay up, peeps.


That's the end. Chachi out.

No, THAT's the end. Happy Thursday everybody!

Back for the first time.

Yeah, back on the mainframe! What it be like?

First off, I am all for going slow when it is snowing. Safety first and all that nonsense. However, if you decide to go slow, in the left lane, you open yourself up to a Muscle Buster into the concrete. For those unfamiliar with Japanese wrestling, this is the Muscle Buster, as performed by the Walking Murder Machine, Samoa Joe.

As Cyborg would say: BOO-YAH! FEEL THE PAIN, PUNK ASS DRIVERS!! Be safe, but in the safe lane. Don't hold up the road for those of us speeding and listening to Driver's High. As a matter of fact, I am going to go back to my college paper and say that if driving were more like Mario Kart, the world would be a better place. Now I give you:

Chachi's Rules of the Mario Kart Road!

1. Ramps that can only be cleared by going the speed limit. Between those ramps? Pipe Monsters. The big ones, not those baby ones from the first three Marios. Swallow your car whole like Gina Lynn. Kids, don't look that up. Dudes, she's a champ. Check her out.
2. Randomly placed chain chomps. C'mon, that would kick ten parts of ass. And much like in the jungle and zombie movies, the slow one gets eaten.
3. Automatic Blue Turtle Shells to cars forced to slowdown more than 10mph within 3 seconds. The rewards those that want to win. I hate slowing down because the Stevie Nicks litening freak in front of me is cruising. This is the great equalizer.
4. Power Ups for Aggressive Driving. Like style points in Need For Speed, you get mushrooms, 'naner peels and turtle shells by offensive driving (passing, drifting, etc.). This rewards getting the hell out of my way. Also, you get power ups for hopping through corners. Griff taught me that trick, big ups.
5. Invincibilty Stars! When you get the star and hit a jump, it goes all Burnout style and you clear MEGA distance. I'm talking 20 miles. Also, when you hit a car while invincible, you get their power ups and gas. Those gas prices are creeping up again.

Those are just a few of what a Mario Kart world would offer us. We can only dream.

You know what I really hate? When you like a song on an album that isnt a single, but once it is released they play it to the point that you want to rip out your brain through your eardrums. That is the case with Ne-Yo's so sick. I won't lie, I have had the song for about 3 months after downloading it (although for some reason it had Jin on it) and I was like 'Wow, this is a pretty good song.' Then the video came out for it and I was like 'Wow, this is a pointless ass video.' I was able to get past that because it's easy to avoid MTV. Now the song is everywhere. Seriously it was in a Robitussin commercial. Okay, I'm exaggerating but you get the idea. Is it the purpose of EVERYONE in music to make you tired of an artist as quick as possible? It must be, because now I could live another day never hearing that song again. Which is a shame, because it is ne of the few R&B songs that doesn't suck complete ass. Pied Pisser of R&Pee and Avant, I am looking at your sorry asses. If it wasn't for John Legend and Jill Scott, R&B would be dead.

Speaking of John Legend, I must say I am glad he won the Best New Artist Grammy. I know the Grammys don't mean much (Hell, I have one for Best Hip-Hop/Folk/Dance Sung Collaboration with Vocals from short lived Con-Phun-Tation Project in 1997) but it was good to see him win kudos for a GREAT, GREAT, GREAT album. And since the radio doesn't play good music, I never got tired of his songs. If anyone has the Ordinary People track with the orchestra ending, let me know.

I love that damn song.

So I talk a lot about J-pop singers on this blog, and I completely spaced on a duo I really dig. Emyli and Yoshika were on a song with M-Flo called Dopamine that I put up a while back, and this song wasnt labeled correctly so I didnt know she sang it. I feel like such a tool. Anyway, this song kicks ass and I would like to share it with the peeps. Expand your horizons, peeps.

For what it's worth, M-Flo is not too bad lyrically. Unlike Seamo. Imagine Lil Jon, but add about 5 inches in height, lose the dreads and turn him Japanese. Yep, that bad. At least he's trying so I gotta give him a C- for effort. Speaking of effort and C- level rappers, what in the hell happened to Ja Rule? Am I the only one concerned about the whereabouts of Ja? WHERE'S JA?! Not gonna lie to you, I kinda miss Ja Rizzo. Look me in the eye and look at Rizzo the rat and tell me there is no resemblance:

Where would I be without yoooooooooooooooooouu! It's cheddaaaaaa! Okay, okay those are jokes a lot of you won't get. Carry on, Ja. Carry on.

Well, that is all for now. Tune in tomorrow, because I have another idea for greatness. Foreshadowing, peeps. You know you love it. Oh, here is the La La Love Song remix with Soul'd Out. It's on the website, but this is a lot better quality.

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Oh yeah that's the stuff. Well, I will be back tomorrow, peeps. Don't forget, freedom isn't free. Support Vida Guerra.

Now THAT is how you end a post. Chachi out.

Snow day my fat black ass!

Weather people are the biggest dipshits EVER. It's the only job aside from President where you can be totally fucking wrong and no one gets upset. You know what, here is an idea. For every time a weather person makes a completely wrong forcast, the get hit with a stun gun. Right in the testicals. Or nipple for female weatherpeople because women can do stuff now. They also can get tortured for not giving ME THE RIGHT FUCKING FORCAST! Through playing around with them.

So after WAAAAAAY too long of searching, I finally found Shinobi: Heart Under Blade DVD rip on bittorent with subtitles. It has acually been out for about 3 months, but my dumb ass kept getting the one recorded in the theater. I am way late on the draw with this one. I actually thought this was based off of the video game and that would INDEED suck. Instead, it is a kick ass flick that makes Crouching Tiger and Hero look like flaming piles of shit in a German fetish movie. Ok, maybe that is a little much, but from what I saw in its dark, poorly shot glory two months ago it was pretty good. That and I need my subtitles. Once I get money to buy a region free DVD player, I will buy a copy from YesAsia. See, I'm against piracy! I just think the RIAA and MPAA can eat my ass. With all they gouge from us in the theaters and record stores, they should really shut the fuck up about piracy. I think Americans deserve a free download for every movie they have had to sit through with Tara Ried, Michelle Rodriguez, Heath Ledger or ANY rapper not named Mos Def. Pay what you owe, bitches cuz The Revolution is back.

Now, for the two or three ladies that read this site (Beth excluded because you sure as hell better not be drinking) read this article. I'll wait. Did you read it? Not glance I mean READ it. I'll wait again. Finished it? Okay, here goes. NO FUCKING SHIT. I have been saying stay away from Spring Break since 1999 because that shit is stupid and dangerous. Now it is officially science. Science has my back, ladies. Who has yours? Let's recap some of this article:

More than half said they regretted getting sick from drinking on the trip. (That's everyone though, male and female. Can't hold it against you)
About 40 percent said they regretted passing out or not remembering what they did. (I have said it once, I will say it again: THERE IS NO REASON TO DRINK UNTIL YOU BLACK OUT. None.)
10 percent said they regretted engaging in public or group sexual activity. (You know why Solid Snake only holds one gun at a time? Because you lose accuracy when you fire two at a time. Lara Croft should take a note, and so should you. More than one wang at a time is not cool unless you are getting paid handsomely for it. And I know it didnt say at once but lets face it, thats what they mean.)
13 percent said they had sexual activity with more than one partner. (Hey, get your freak on if you want. Just remember, the crap in health class about having sex with everyone that person has had sex with? You are now officially a statistic. Men and women, dudes are just as dirty.)
More than half were underage when they first drank alcohol on a spring break trip. (Now this shit is just sad. Not because I am against underage drinking because I really dont care what kids do anymore. I just wonder when you are 14-18, what in the fuck do you need to drink for? The real world hasnt crushed your dreams yet. Adults need to drink to shut up the voices in their heads and the voices of their bad-ass kids. Kids who drink need their ass whipped. Like my grandma said: ain't a problem some Crown and a beatin' cant fix.)

In closing on this, women the proof is out their. If you are gonna drink (which you shouldnt) do it in a safe enviournment and for gods sake if you don't know him, don't fuck him. It's just that simple. Like Jermaine Stewart said:

You dont have to take your, clothes off. To have a good time. No-oh.
You can dance and party, all night.
But dont drink any cherry wine cuz odds are a frat boy or swarthy forigener spiked it. Uh-huh.

New Bleach, fool! I was going through withdrawl for a minute, needed my Kon fix. Kind of a story slower of an episode, but more has still gotten accomplished than in DBZ. For those who STILL havent seen it, you can still get on the action. It's 71 episodes deep, though. Gonna take a bit to catch up but it's worth it.

So, it's time for What The Chachi Likes. You know what I have been digging lately? James Blunt. And I dont fucking know why. He's okay, but he's not great. But I have been listening to the album for a few days and I likes it. This is the video for High. I have never seen it, but I dig the song. Check it out:



The second thing is BoA. You have seen the videos for Love Bug with M-Flo and La La La Love Song (remix is better, I will post that here in a bit) and I must say that Miss Boa Kwan rules. Her new album came out last month and I spaced on ordering it. the kick ass thing is that it is only 11 bucks and has free shipping at www.yesasia.com so its actually cheaper than buying that new L.L. Cool J or whatever the kids listen to now days. Anyway, here is her new single from the Outgrow album, Ready~Butterfly. Check out the krumping. I'm not fan, but it's BoA so it's cool.

More BoA, for my sake.

That is a pretty young lady right there.

Peeps, today is your lucky day because you get TWO updates! I will drop some more bitching on you in a bit, I gotta run to Castle Rock and reportedly its snowing. I still say fuck the weather people. So until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Filler Day! Filler Day!

Been a busy day, so the update will be a all about the filler. That means videos and music for the peeps! I know, you don't have to thank me.

First off, I know most of ya'll aren't baseball fans, but I used to be. And it it saddened me yesterday to find out that Kirby Puckett died after complications from a stroke. I was a HUGE Atlanta Braves fan, and Kirby used to make the hair on my neck stand up because of his heroics in Game 6 of the World Series against the Braves in 1991. In undoubtedly the greatest World Series ever played, Kirby Puckett put the Minnesota Twins on his back and willed them to victory in that game and they went on to win a CLASSIC Game Seven in a duel between Jack Morris/John Smoltz. Despite the feeling I had in seeing my team lose, he still was a great player. I am sad to see him go. May you rest in peace, Kirby.

Geez, I really don't like talking about sports unless it's about the Mike Vick Experience. So, I got the samples of the Dave Chappelle's Block Party soundtrack and WHOA. They need to bring back the Smoking Grooves Tour NOW. That is a purchase I will happily make when it comes out next week. Even if you arent a rap fan, I suggest giving it a listen. This is Boom with The Roots and Big Daddy Kane. Good stuff.

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Alrighty, I have a lot of saucy J-pop ladies on the site (Kumi Koda, Yuki and Coco from Bennie K, Namie-chan) so here is something for the female demographic. L~Arc~en~ciel is a J-Rock band that I knew of but didnt really listen to all that much. Then I heard Driver's High from Treat Teacher Onizuka and I was stuck. This video is for Flower, a song I dug because of the Goo Goo Dolls type sound. It's also the ending for Chobits (HELL YEAH, FOOL!) which makes it even better. Ladies, get your bishie on.

Not gonna lie to you, I like Hyde's vocals.

OMG! OMG! Speaking of Chobits, this is another performance from the Anime Fusion Tour with Yoko Ishida! Not sure where it was filmed, but it still kicked ass. Here is Let Me Be With You, once again Para Para style. Oh, and its the same dancers. Yummy...

Oh, I HAD to post this. There needs to be a show where you can do karaoke of J-Pop songs. I would SO win that bad boy. These ladies aren't half bad, either.

Man, that would so kick ass to have that here. Guess I'm just not as cool as I thought I was. For those of you that watch anime (I would say half of my 4 visitors do) check out REC. It's short for those with no attention span (Griff, I'm looking at you) and has a kick ass opening theme. Check it out, its called Cheer, but I havent the slightest idea who sings it. Little help?

Say hello to my new ringtone ladies and gentlemen. Well, it is official. Shakira, you are on notice: YOU ARE DAMN FINE. I love you more than I love applesauce. And I loves my applesauce. Now, work on the bleating goat with a hernia singing voice and we can go out for a nice brunch and get to know eachother. I saw the video for 'Hips Don't Lie' last week and she is right, they don't lie. You know what Shakira's hips say? El Chachi es muy bueno.

My god, woman. There is no need for all that. Forget the war on terrorism and the war on drugs. We need a war on Shakira. She is a controlled substance and needs to be stopped.

I'm your pusher, peeps.

Lastly, I am leaving the Douchebrawl 2006 Polls open until Friday for more people to join in. I want to have it coincide the beginning of the NCAA's as to not get sued, but I want more peeps to join The Revolution. Also, I am going to change the layout of the blog and website in a bit. The Revolution has to be fashionable and hip. I am putting videos up for download on the website, mainly the Anime Fusion Tour clips and the outtakes of the Pirates & Ninja movie. I am going to film commentary for it at some point so it should be up soon. The Fusion Tour videos has gotten a lot of demand so they will be available for download hopefully by the end of the night. Well, stay up peeps and I hope you enjoyed filler day. Oh, and here is some Milk Chan for Griff.

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Chachi Out.

It ain't as hard out there for a pimp as it used to be.

What up, folk?! First off, did you see the Oscars last night? Did you see that Three Six Mafia won an Oscar? So let me get this straight: Three Six Mafia, Eminem and Rocky all have Oscars. Johnny Depp and Samuel L. Jackson have none. Whoa. Cosmic.

I am still kind of happy it won because I liked Hustle and Flow a lot. And Brokeback fans shut up, Crash was the best movie of 2005, followed by Munich and Geisha. I told you Heath Ledger couldn't act, Zach. Anyone who saw those clips and saw The Order and 10 Things I Hate About You knows that fucktard CANNOT ACT. The fact he was even nominated showed that they were just looking to nominate someone to draw interest for a rather dull show. I had no idea Capote was flaming like Moe. So see, a homosexual DID win the award. Times are a changing.

Now, aside from the Atlanta Falcons, sports can kiss my ass for the most part. But in line with Douchebrawl 2006 (polls close tomorrow at Midnight for the Regional Finals!) I think I should weight in on the NCAA bracket geniuses out there. I usually watch College Basketball Tonight while I update the website, so I learn a lot and see games as background noise. Everyone loves the Duke's and UConn's and Memphi of the world. According to ESPN, they are all that exists and that is why I am not a fan of sports like I used to be. However, after looking at the ESPN Bracketology (that is SO not a real word) and using my limited college basketball IQ, if all works like planned (and it usually does in college basketball because selection committees are fuckers) here is my Final Four:

Washington DC Region: North Carolina. Young kids and they don't know they are overacheiving right now. After beating Duke at Duke, they could pull off a run and repeat. I know UConn is here and they DOMINATED me in NCAA Hoops like they do teams in real life. But Carolina matches up with them in talent, but not experience. It's a toss up, but I pick the Heels.

Oakland Region: Ohio State. Now this is based whether they get a #1 seed or not (which is a possibility IMHO if they win the Big 10 tourney) because Memphis is good but not great. OSU shoots the three well and matchup against every team in a really underwhelming bracket. Can't say that about any other team in any other bracket. Florida State could shock people if they get past Memphis, though.

Atlanta Region: Illinois. I like this team. Illinois has a kick ass system up there AND they are tourney tested over the last few years. Dee Brown doesnt have the numbers of J.J. Reddick, but he has a Championship game to his credit and that will help. They will run Duke out of the building if they make it that far. I don't think Duke will. Upset special if this bracket sticks: West Virgina over Duke in the Sweet 16. I hate Duke, always have always will.

Minneapolis Region: Tennessee. I LOVE watching this team. I haven't liked a style of basketball since Nolan Richardson at Arkansas and the '40 Minutes of Hell' style. Texas impresses me with their resume (beat Memphis, Villanova, Kansas) and Villanova's 4 guard style is based off driving and shooting which is important. With no real big man, Tennessee will run them ragged and I just think that they can wear down Texas. Boston College can rebound like champs (ask Maryland) and board play is important. I don't see them running with Tennessee, though.

I see Illinois winning the National Title over Tennessee, North Carolina and Ohio State. I just realized this, but I have picked the last 5 (FIVE) Final Four's correctly and didn't even know. I even picked GT vs UConn two years ago and the gimme last year of NC vs Illinois. So I'm confident this year. Just some dude making a guess, though. March Madness, baby!

Okay, I'm for some J-Pop. I have Orange Range on here a lot (I've had Asterisk, Hana, Locolotion and Kirikirima up so far) and for good reason. i think they kick ass. Albeit this song is two years old, it is still my favorite. It's on the website, but here it is in better quality:

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God, I love that song. This next one is the live performance of Zung Zung Funky Music. the song is an acquired taste and the video is...er...not so good. But I digs the song and I really need to see these guys live.

I know they sound odd, but these cats are the biggest selling band in Japan since 2004. Yes, I know they also have the panty vending machines but give them a chance.

So, Superman Returns is coming this summer. If Bryan Singer screws this up, I will never forgive him. I liked X-Men and LOVED X-2 and Apt Pupil, so I know he can do a good job.


My god, this movie should be great. I just filled the cup. I'm really worried about X-Men 3. The Ratner dude that worked on the Rush Hour films is doing it. So I would expect Chris Tucker and a scene with Wolverine and Cyclops about the radio. Don't ever touch a wolverine's radio, boy! Nah, not the same. Anyone else feel like Beast looks like Frasier at Halloween? Thought so.
Man, they had so many ways to go with this third one (Phoenix Saga, sentinel's, adding Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver to the Brotherhood and having an all-out battle) and I am really concerned the series will take a step back with this one. What do I know, I said the same with Batman Begins and BOY was I wrong on that.

Well, the Chachi is about to chill for a spell. I leave you with my lady love, Kumi Koda. Oh, yeah she's goooooood. Cutie Honey, fools! Old school anime!

Dear GOD that is a short outfit. I don't have the legs to pull that off, I tell you what. Before you start calling her the Japanese Paris Hilton, take a look at these:


See, she's is a very nice young lady that I would like to take out for coffee and a movie. maybe a little bit of dancing.

Well, the Chachi is out for a bit. Update will be a little late today, as I have some things to do. Don't forget to vote in Douchebrawl 2006! Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Lazy Sunday Blues

Man, I hate Sundays. Just BOOOOOOORING. It was a beautiful day though. Hope you enjoyed it.

Well, first things first. What in the hell is wrong with teenagers? Remember back in the day when kids normal bad things like drank and smoked weed? At least it aint as stupid as going Samoa Joe on yourself for a high. I can honestly say that teenagers have gotten as stupid as they can fucking get. If they get any stupider, there will be no future. I know this is a tragic event and blah-blah-blah-yakkity-smackity but for Christ-fucking-sake how dumb must you be to choke yourself out for kicks? DO you watch UFC? When air gets cut off to your brain, bad shit happens! Terry Schivo, anyone? And no one will care about your stupid ass when they pull they plug because you were being a dumbass. Sounds harsh, but its cold hard facts.

Anyway, back to the good stuff. So I started watching Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi and I am not gonna lie to you, I laughed my ass off for 5 of the first six episodes. Here is an AMV for a little preview:

The first episode was kind of 'meh' but it hits a good swing when it parodies Manzinger (TRANZOR Z, FOOL! WHAT!), Dragon Warrior series (RPG game for the NES for those not in the know), Card Captor Sakura (yeah, I watched a few of the subs back in the day) and Golgo 13. Especially the giant robot spoof. It's rated MA for fan service and some cursing (the dub voice actors curse like sailors at one point) and the art is lacking in the beginning. Gainax may not have thought it was gonna be good so they scrimped, I guess. It's a pretty kick ass price, too. It's the full season (13 episodes) for 39 bucks. Like Noir and its two seasons for $60, the price of anime from the big names (ADV, Funimation, and even the assholes of anime Bandai ) have gone down to damn near affordable. Even still, Abenobashi is a good buy and so far it's pretty good stuff. Oh, and don't always listen to Anime Academy because Advent Children OWNED ALL and Peach Girl kicked ass IMHO.

The polls for Douchebrawl were put up last night so feel free to vote. Also, I am testing something so I hope the link below works. I got errands to run, so stay up.

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Chachi out.

Down to the nitty-gritty....

Well, its down to the final eight of Douchebrawl 2006! So far its all about the power players, but we have a Cinderella (or Skankeralla, depending on you want to look at it) with 11th seed Heather Graham. She pulled a rather big upset is her defeat of Tara 'Boobzilla' Reid and now she goes against the 'Princess of the (Trailer) Park' Britney Spears. Can she keep her streak alive? Only YOU have the power! Here is a wrap up of the Regional Semi-finals:

Pauly Shore Region

(1) Tom Cruise - 66.67%
(4) Ben Affleck - 33.33%

(3) Tom Hanks - 14.29%
(2) Mel Gibson - 85.71%

NKOTB Region

(2) Nelly - 16.67%
(3) Bono - 83.33%

(1) 50 Cent - 80%
(4) Diddy - 20%

Anna Nicole Region

(2) Tara Reid - 25%
(11) Heather Graham - 75%

(1) Britney Spears - 100%
(4) Madonna - 0%

Kato Kailen Region

(3) Quentin Tarrentino - 20%
(2) Ashton Kutcher - 80%

(1) Kevin Federline - 83.33%
(12) Jack Thompson - 16.67%

So that will give us these Regional Final Matchups:

(1) Tom Cruise vs. (2) Mel Gibson in the Pauly Shore Regional Final
Its Jesus vs. Xemu, folks. Which fictional deity will take their Douchebag mouthpiece to the Douchebrawl Finals?

Next, it is going to be (1) 50 Cent vs. (3) Bono in the NKOTB Regional Final

The two biggest douches in music battle it out for supremacy! Will Bono dismantle 50 Cent like an atomic bomb or will Fiddy leave Bono in da club while he stomps his G-Unit into the Finals? Only you can decide!

In the Anna Nicole Region we have the David vs Goliath. The Houston vs. NC State in 1984, the ultimate Cinderella story as (11) Heather Graham attempts to knock of the Queen of Skank, (1) Britney Spears!

Do you believe in miracles, peeps? Or will Britney take her place among the Douchebag elite?

Lastly, we have maybe the most hotly contested Regional Final in the Kato Kalien Region, as the statistical favorite (1) Kevin Federline takes on the original asshat, (2) Ashton Kutcher!

This would be the dream final in some peoples opinion (mine included), but man this is one HELL of a Regional Final! Don't forget to vote, peeps! Oh, and I updated the brackets, too.


Also, I will be putting about six new streaming MP3's on the website. I have more songs by Orange Range and the opening theme from the Lemon Angel Project. I will take a few requests if the song isnt too obscure. Check them out on www.lochachi.com, they will be up in about 30 minutes or so.

Lastly, I went to see Dave Chappelle's Block Party last night. I am not really big on concert movies, but this one kicked ass. I mean een if you pull Chappelle and his jokes out, it was just great music and a great atmosphere. I was in a theater full of black people (with a smattering of Mexicans and whites, but it was 85% black at least) and there was no violence or talking through the movie. Some people actually sang along with Common, Mos Def and even Jill Scott, who is a beautiful woman I don't care what standards of beauty are. To top it all off, the reuniting of The Fugees was sweet. The obviously hadnt performed in a while and it showed. Lauryn Hill was kind of slow to get in the groove of 'Killing Me Softly' but when she did get her groove back, it was SO worth it.

What was great is that this was pre-gone crazy Dave, too. Not the Dave that was expected to run off catch-phrase after catch-phrase by drunken white frat boys and dont-in-on-the-joke blacks that just wanted to hear "YEEEAH!' and 'I'm Rick James, BITCH' every five seconds. This was a Dave that has jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes and HAHAHAHAHA. The Dave we remember from the first season of Dave Chappelle Show and Killing Me Softly. THAT'S the funny Dave. That was the Dave I missed, and even though I was kind of pissed when he walked out on the show, I could understand not wanting your vision to become then next In Living Color where is was just character after character until all the humor was gone and stale.

I was afraid that Chappelle's Show would fall victim to what happens to most shows with black stars. Networks try to find a hook to keep the audience and run it into the ground, rather than allowing them to try new ideas and expand on established characters. When I heard that Comedy Central wanted MORE Clayton Bigsby in season two, I knew there was a problem. A break may have been what was needed for Dave to clear his head, the network and writers to create a fresh yet provocative direction, and most importantly the fans so we can get the catch-phrases out of our heads. The rate things were going, we were two episodes way from 'I'm Bobby Brown, bitch!' and that wouldn't have been funny. Maybe a little. Dave, get your head straight, enjoy the time off, come back and start making us laugh again. Bleach and Stephen Colbert can only entertain me for so long.

Oh, and Black people. THANK YOU. When the trailer for The Little Man came on, the latest Wayans Brothers debacle (who keeps on greenlighting this shit?) came on, I was expecting laughter. Instead, I heard disgust. And it was fucking sweet. One man actually said 'I will kill dem niggas if I see 'em!' With that line, I knew that they were learning. Crap is crap. Then the trailer for Waist Deep came on and they thought it was the next Boyz N Da Hood. Can't win them all, I guess.

Well, that's all for now. Don't forget to vote for Douchebrawl because we are coming down the home stretch! And see Dave Chappelle's Block Party, its not a bad flick and hearing The Roots jam out is worth the price of admission. Stay up peeps. Here is some Orange Range to end your day, fool!



Chachi out. Updates on the website by the end of the day.

New Orleans ain't the only one with flooding.

Hey, ya'll. Late update today because I had some running around to do. Well, first things first: Lil Kim is having titty problems. Now I am not going to poke and ridicule her over a tragic event like I do Jesus. If it's true and her breast did rupture, she could be in for some serious health issues and with that I wish her the best. I do believe that the amount of cosmetic surgery she has had is excessive. Here is a look at Lil Kim in 1996 with 'No Time' and although it had the posterchild for abortion in P. Diddy I liked this song back then. CAUTION EXPLICIT LYRICS! Hell it's lil Kim, what did you expect?

Now this is Lil Kim now:

Quite the difference. Puberty didn't do that. Now everyone knows I am against cosmetic surgery unless truely needed. I understand that a lot of women and men get it because they feel insecure about their bodies and whatnot. Hey, to each their own. Just let it be known that if you take steps to look like this:

Things could go wrong. I'm just saying.

So I got out of Ultraviolet a couple of minutes ago. And...um...yeah. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasnt. It's just...Milla cannot act. She displays great emotions, she is a great action star, but when she opens her mouth....the lines just go for shit. Movies need to be tailored around her abilities like they do with Keanu Reeves. We know Keanu isn't the next Sean Connery, but most of his movies are pretty tolerable. from The Matrix series to Constantine to Devils Advocate. All were pretty good because they played to Keanu's strength: he's as vacant as a Right Said Fred comeback tour venue. All his characters are the same simple dude (except for Neo, but hey, the movie looked pretty) surrounded by better actors than him. Keanu cannot carry a movie, but he can lead. He's the Trent Dilfer of movies: won't win you any games, but won't royally fuck up and cost you. That's what they should do with Milla. Remember The Fifth Element? SHE DIDNT EVEN SPEAK 'ANGLISH! And she rocked in that. Keep her lines to a minimum and let her expressions and actions speak. All in all, Ultraviolet is worth the ticket for the martial arts and the scenery. Better than Aeon Suex by leaps and bounds.

Speaking of Mr I Know Karate, this A Scanner Darkly will KICK ASS. Why? Because Keanu odds are won't be saying a lot.

I know I may be the only one, but I've always though Winona Ryder was cute. Even in Edward Scissorhands (that was before Johnny Depp became OMFG JOHNNY DEPP to me) I was like 'she looks like a very nice girl, I would like to take her out for punch and pie.' Not the standard girl I would find saucy, but yeah, I'm still digging Winona.

Like a sexy elf. Sue me, I digs it.

So Kate Winslet hasnt been in anything lately. Saw her ad before Ultraviolet and yeah, I likes her too. She made Titanic and Spotless Mind tolerable.

Ah, Kate how I love thee. Well, I'm off to see Chappelle's Block Party. Don't forget to vote for Douchebrawl! Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

THE REVOLUTION IS BACK, BITCHES!

First off, thanks for voting in Douchebrawl. For the 4 people (WHOO-HOO! One more person!) that frequent this site it makes it worth while. I do it all for the peeps.

Second off, I have an announcement to make. In 2004, those who remember me in college remember The Revolution. Starting my Junior year when I made too much to get financial aid (even though I was only working part time) and I decided that dumb shits needed to be punished. After that day, I took no shorts, kept it real and laid down the law. I got involved in clubs (even those I didn't agree with) and took classes just to piss people off and let them know hoe stupid they were. Philosophy of Religion, anyone?

With my bat, my black sunglasses, black gloves and bad ass attitude I stood UCCS and the world on its ear with The Revolution. I had people by my side that were down for the cause. The Duece had people afraid of being dumbfucks. Nelly didn't release an album. Britney Spears went on hiatus. Ben Affleck wasn't allowed to act, not that he ever really did. Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise were missing and feared dead. Dave Chappelle dug up Rick James, literally. He was dead from 1996 to 2002, normally I disagree with raising the dead but he made 'Give It To Me' so I allowed it. Then, graduation day come.

I brandished my 'IT'S REVOLUTION TIME' shirt for the most important day in the Revolutions time. I showed my shirt to TV cameras and had a two second clip of my shirt on the news. The Revolution was alive. Unfortunately, it died that day as well. After I took that shirt off, The Revolution ended. I went into corporate America and became a shell of my former self. And things would never be the same.

Since the day I turned my back on The Revolution, all hell has broken loose. Mel Gibson attempted to become Jesus, or at least that's how I saw it. Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck and Britney Spears all created spawns of the Darkworld who will soon unleash their evil on humanity. Nelly released not one, but THREE albums and gave us they next killer of young black youths in grillz. 50 Cent made a movie, which no one saw but the fact he made a movie is the sign of the apocalypse itself. Dave Chappelle went AWOL and Rick James passed away for the third time. I think it was the third, may have been fourth. George Bush was re-elected, although it was against an Easter Island head. Says more for his asshatittude rather than Kerry's skill that the vote was actually as close as it was, it should have been a blowout. It was like the scene in Pootie Tang when pootie went to the farm. WHY'D YOU DO IT POOTIE?!

Now, it is time. The Duece must return. I apologize for leaving you, and I have seen my mistake. I was blinded, but I am back to make things right again. I have my black sunglasses and The Revolutionizer is in the back seat again. I need to buy some gloves though. No longer will I be referred to as Chachi, or Duece or Blake Savage. From this day forth, I will be known as Duece Hawksmoor, Chachi of Cities! This is in respect of my favorite comic book character, minus the deformed wang.

In short, let these words strike fear in the tiny minds and small hearts of dipshits everywhere. The Revolution is back. The Duece is back. And we are bringing hell with us. Now that's real. The Revolution will not be televised. But it will be marketed and merchandised pending Aaron McGruder's approval. I think my shirt would sell well. I will put a picture up of it tomorrow.

Now, with the return of The Revolution come the need of a favor. The Revolution needs theme music. Originally it was T.I.'s Bring Em Out.

I still love that song, but it's rather dated. I need theme music peeps. Something that tells idiots that the streets will flow with their blood if they step to us. Something that has a kick ass dance groove that we can serve rival crews to with dance. Let me know, I am open to suggestions.

I have been told that there aren't enough ladies on the blog. Seeing as how the blog is made for anime, j-pop and my rantings of stuff that pisses me off, ladies should be on here more seeing as how I can't stand them. But Chachi is for the peeps, by the peeps so here is some stuff for the male demographic. As one of the Ying Yang Twinz said, 'BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY EVERYWHERE!'


Wow. The Revolution is curvy. OH!

Well, I promised a rant today, but I have been hella busy today. Got some things to coordinate over the next 5 days so updates may be short until next week. If something REALLY pisses me off I'll put it up. Also, Journey KICKS ASS.


Until tomorrow, stay up peeps.

Chachi out.

Yeah, it's a filler day.Sue me.

Morning, peeps! How it the day treating you? Hope it is treating you well. Well, the Second Round of Douchebrawl is officially over and your votes have been tallied. Here are the results:

Pauly Shore Region

(1) Tom Cruise - 100%
(9) Hayden Christensen - 0%

(3) Tom Hanks - 62.5%
(6) Barbara Striesand - 37.5%

(2) Mel Gibson - 88.89%
(10) Colin Farrell - 11.11%

(4) Ben Affleck - 87.5%
(5) Julia Roberts - 12.5%

NKOTB Region

(2) Nelly - 83.33
(7) White Stripes - 16.67%

(1) 50 Cent - 100%
(8) L.L. Cool J - 0%

(3) Bono - 100%
(6) Snoop Dogg - 0%

(4) Diddy - 60%
(5) Celine Dion - 40%

Anna Nicole Region

(2) Tara Reid - 60%
(7) Drew Barrymore - 40%

(1) Britney Spears - 60%
(8) Jessica Simpson - 40%

(3) Cameron Diaz - 40%
(11) Heather Graham - 60%

(4) Madonna - 85.71%
(5) Lindsay Lohan - 14.29%

Kato Kailen Region

(3) Quentin Tarrentino - 83.33%
(6) Jimmy Fallon - 16.67%

(2) Ashton Kutcher - 80%
(7) David Spade - 20%

(1) Kevin Federline - 85.71%
(9) Andy Milanakis - 14.29%

(12) Jack Thompson - 87.5%
(13) All MTV VJ's - 12.5%

Well, the second round is over and all I can say is thank you for voting. I really want to get the winner something (maybe a plaque or something). Well, the polls are now up and ready so have at thee! Any ideas, let me know. Here are the updated brackets as well:




So while changing CD's on the way back from Denver, I made the mistake of listening to the radio. I know, what the fuck was I thinking. Anyway, it seems that the pain just doesn't stop. Who in the hell keeps letting Nick Cannon make music?! The record industry can justify shoving a lot of crap down our throats because some people have their albums. Who the FUCK owns a Nick Cannon album? Who the FUCK has seen a Nick Cannon movie? I saw 'Love Don't Cost A Thing' for Christina Milian (Who for no real logical reason used to date the asshat) and Melissa Schuman (a rather underrated young lady) and that is IT. Hell, I saw it on HBO on free cable so that nigga didnt get any of my money! Pissing me OFF. I am through playing around with this! And to all of you people who like that 'I'm In Love Wit A Stripper' song. This is a picture of T-Pain:

Only a stripper could love that face. A wad of $20's better be accompanying that face as well. The man looks like a predalope. Big ups, Grizz. You know, I'm not the next top model, but the fact that this beast-bot has rode a wave of no talent and 'devil-may-love' looks to superstardom is just...wrong. I guess Jay Z was wrong, 'money is a thang'.

Enough about things that suck, here are some videos that kick ass. I saw this on Newgrounds a while back and it is officially the greatest song since 'Rhythm of the Night' by DeBarge. Check out 'Ultimate Showdown':

Lo Pan, fool! What! Well, its time for some J-pop, peeps. I really dig M-Flo. Think of him like the Pharrell of Japanese music without the tattoos and whiney singing voice. This is a clip of a live performance that I guess Bennie K was supposed to attend but they were working on Japan-a-rhythm. After hearing the album, it was worth it. Stiff good stuff. Thanks to DCstar for the info. This is 'Taste Your Stuff' and I am looking for the lyrics to see if it is as dirty as it sounds.

Next is BoA. I found out about them a while back with 'The Meaning of Peace' song. I think they did Duvet from Serial Experiments Lain, gotta check and make sure. And the do songs in English, Korean AND Japanese. Let's see U2 or Fiddy do that. Or not, I don't think In Da Club translates well. Well, here is 'Love Bug' with som M-Flo in for flavor. And check out his super-sized chain at the end.

Last is a song I got I think from Z but I'm not sure. All I know is that I put this in a J-pop mix a few years ago and it was the happiest, most hyper song I ever heard. Morning Musume is I think a Japanese pop girl ubergroup that made a lot of songs like this. Honestly, the rest arent as good IMHO. I only have like 12 songs, though. Anyway, here is Renai Revolution 21 (have no idea what that means, translation anyone?) for the peeps. Leave the making fun of me until after the video:

I like my video idea with breakdancing pandas and a giant robot better. That's the basis for the majority of my music video ideas but it still kicks ass.

Well, there is no Bleach until 3/7/2006, so I am a little bummed. For those of you that come here that are Bleach fans (hell, there are only 3 of you what am I talking about) here is the 5th ending, Life by Yui. I think she's kind of cute. I would say kawaii; but then I would have to kick my own ass.

Well, that's enough for today. There was a lot of filler, so I will do a rant after my interview tomorrow. Don't worry, I kind of don't want this one but I am a man of my word so I am going to it. You never know. Don't forget to vote in the Suckass Sixteen, polls are open until Saturday night! Stay up, peeps.

Spirits are always with you! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Chachi out.

Yarr, only the sea loves me.

Morning, peeps. It was a rough Monday, but hopefully the rest of the week will go up. Can't get any fricking worse.

Well, I just decided to watch Domino and from what I can tell, it's not very good. I'm about 25 minutes into it and I am not amused. It's like they are trying too hard to make her a bad ass. That and Keira Knightly needs to eat something. I fucking hate skinny people.

I remember in one of my classes in college about images of race and gender in the media, my teacher Deena went on a rant about how action movies/comic book movies with strong female lead characthers dont do well. I bought the arguement that aside from Wonder Woman and Raven from the Teen Titans (no one knew who she was, so my arguement was null after that. And I mean the old school comic book Raven, not the gothy mess we have on Cartoon Network) there need to be strong female characters CREATED, rather than rehashes and half assed attempts. In a class full of women and punk ass dudes, as usual I got met with the response of men are keeping the images bad to keep these movies from being successful.

On another note, dudes in women's studies classes that play sensitve to women to get play: I will break off your lower mandible and use it as an ashtray. I don't even smoke, but I will start to prove my fucking point. You arent being sensitve, you are being a pussy. Show some backbone and speak your mind instead of saying what you think women want to hear. Women DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR HALF OF THE TIME. So quit being mark-ass tricks cuz tricks get dealt with.

Anyway, we went back and forth about this during and after class (oddly enough, some of my favorite teachers are the ones I had arguments with. I thought she was agreat debate partner because I couldnt really disagree with a lot of her points and vice versa) and I asked her to name a strong female action characters that have succeeded in cinema. She said Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. I started to laugh, but she wasnt joking. People, women especially, Tomb Raider sucked ass. The games sucked (although Tomb Raider 2 had its moments) and the movie sucked. As usual, the females and the douchey dudes in the class defended that craptacular and said I only made that comment because the lead was female.

NO, I made the comment not because she was a woman, but because she was in a shitty movie based on a shitty game and it is LAW that all video game movies will suck. Anyway, back to the arguement. No matter how right you are in a class full of women, the angry mob mentality kicks in (numbers equal right) and so you have to choose your battles. Fast forward two years and not much in cinema has changed. Movies staring female characters have bombed or been critically panned since. Don't believe me? Take a look:

Underworld: Evolution
Release Date: 1/20/2006
Starring: Kate Beckinsale
Opening Weekend: $26,857,181
Domestic Gross (as of 2/27/2006): $61,425,277

Did It Suck?: I saw it and I liked it. Although the character, even with a rather rich backstory had very little depth Although I blame it more on Kate’s acting. So it did not suck. Actually, it kinda kicked ass. Best movie this year.
Was it a Flop?: Didn’t do the expected numbers (80+ million), but it has grossed well over its budget (somewhere between 25-32 million depending on where you go) so I will say it was a success.

Bloodrayne
Release Date: 1/6/2006
Starring: Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsley (WHY BEN, WHY?), Michelle Rodriguez (Uh oh), Michael Madsen, Billy Zane (BOOOOO) and Meatloaf. Well, no need to continue on whether this sucked ass or not....

Opening Weekend: $1,550,000 (Estimate. No, that is about right.)

Domestic Gross: $2,405,420

Did It Suck?: Didn’t see it, but much like Brokeback Mountain, don’t need to see it to know it sucks ass. So yes.
Was It A Flop: Well, it cost 47 million to make and promote. And it was directed by Uwe ‘Never Met A Movie I Couldn’t Fuck Up’ Boll. Do the math, people. In respect to my Japanese readers, there will be no Hiroshima jokes.

Domino
Release Date: 10/14/2005
Starring: Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Delroy Lindo, Christopher Walken (KICK ASS!)
Opening Weekend: $4,670,120
Domestic Gross: $10,169,202

Did It Suck?: Just finished it. More fun playing real dominos. With hungry bears. Actually had a good plot, but not much to do with a model turned bounty hunter. Not like a rich white man with a Bat costume and mental problems. Now THAT'S a winner.
Was it a Flop?: Oh, yeah. Like a fish out of water.

Flightplan (Or as I call it, ‘Justification of Punching Jodie Foster in the Ribs’ movie)
Release Date: 9/23/2005
Starring: Jodie Foster (I can’t stand you), Peter Sarsgaard, Erika Christensen (or Julia Stiles 2.1)
Opening Weekend: $24,629,938
Domestic Gross: $89,705,076

Did It Suck?: By god yes. Now, I know women love this movie because of the supposed link between the mother and child and its power. But you know what? If you leave your child unattended for a long period of time in a huge ass plane you are stupid. End of story. Secondly, the bond became secondary to a shitty ass plot twist and probably the most implausible ending since Rocky III. No way Rocky beats Clubber Lang. Oh, and nice shot to Muslims on the plane. Ignorance, it’s spreading. In short, it did indeed suck.
Was It A Flop?: Depends on perspective. With reports Jodie earned 20 million for this mindrape, then yes, it was a flop. But women loved it and wanted to see it and they have the vaginas. So in a way, it wasn’t a flop. I still say yes after sitting through it.

Red Eye (I know, I’m reaching. More of a reflection on how bad the state of female action roles) Release Date: 8/19/2005
Starring: Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy (my god, those eyes….I want them)
Opening Weekend: $16,167,662
Domestic Gross: $57,891,803

Did It Suck?: Yes and no. It wasn’t HORRIBLE, but I would be okay never seeing it again. Saw it more as a favor to Zach after sitting through Honey, Sin City and Fantastic Four because of my Jessica Alba thing. I wouldn’t recommend it, though.
Was It A Flop?: Not really, but it wasn’t remarkable, either. Just below average. Which is still passing.

Elektra (Forgot about this shitfest, didn’t you ladies? Well I didn’t and I want my $7.50 back!)
Starring: Jennifer Garner and….doesn’t matter.
Opening Weekend: $12,804,793
Domestic Gross: $24,409,722

Did It Suck?: My god, did it suck balls. I can honestly say, even with Ring 2 and Alone In The Dark, this was the worst movie of 2005. Jennifer Garner and her Cro-Magnon neck needs to go back to her own time, because she is stinking up the future with her crappy acting. And she just spawned a little Afleck. Congratulations, you just gave birth to the downfall of society. Unless Katie really DID get knocked up by Tom, then may Buddha help us all.
Was It A Flop?: It cost 43 million, they made 24 million. I think Alias was cancelled (show how much I care about Ms. Giraffe) and director Rob Bowman hasn’t worked since. Oh, and she hasn’t been in a comic since. I would say it was a flop.

Tomb Raider + Tomb Raider - Cradle of Boobies…er…Life (Summers of 2001, 2003)
Starring: Angelina Jolie, padded bra which was nominated for Best Supporting (of) Actress
Opening Weekend:
Tomb Raider - $47,735,743
Tomb Raider 2 - $21,783,641
Domestic Gross:
Tomb Raider - $131,168,070
Tomb Raider 2 - $65,660,196

Did It Suck?: The first one actually had its moments (giant robots, fool!) but it had NO expectations because it was based on a video game. It was an AVERAGE movie. The second one actually had a better plot (if you could find it in its convoluted glory) but a lot worse acting. It had promise but ended up just sucking. And about the padded bra, why? I understand that was a key to the success of the video game (because it sure as HELL wasn't the gameplay) but much like Tif did in her feature debut, they toned down the clevage. Take a look:

Bouyant Tifa. And not really dressed for battle if you know what I mean. Great for cosplay and fan art, not for saving the world from Bahamut and Sepiroth. Take a gander below:

Oh, yeah. Aerodynamic, ass kicking Tifa. See the difference? Think the fight against Nooj would have been the same if she was dressed like a club dancer? It's about perspective and visuals, people. A less busty, more realistic Lara would have sold better, IMHO.
Was It A Flop?: The first one wasn’t, as I was pleasantly surprised at how well it was received. The second one, well, it didn’t even outgross Madea in its’ first week with literally 10 times the marketing. So 1 for 2.

So there you go. Eight movies, two hits, two average and four shit fests. Don't even get me started on Charlie's Angels.

So what are women to do about the crappy movies Hollyood puts out with women in the starring role? Well, you can always pray for Ultraviolet.


Looks like it has a chance to be good. Milla was also in Resident Evil (BOTH OF THEM) so I am worried about this. If she kept the talking down, she could have been the next Keanu Reeves. Great actor, as long as he isnt acting. I know that sounds stupid, but it works. If Hollywood wants to make a hot action property with a female so bad, I would go to a very simple choice. Hollywood, I will do the work for you: A Batgirl movie. A batgirl movie based after the events of Batman: The Killing Joke would be killer.

For those that haven't read the comic, here is a quick rundown. It should begin with Barbara Gordon shot and dying with the Joker standing over her taking pictures (which he uses later against her father) and as it is going on, she has a flashback on what her life used to be. Unlike Batman, since you have to establish she is Batgirl, the first 45 minutes is how she became Batgirl and her relationship with Batman and her father. Next 30 minutes or so is the aftermath after being paralyzed (with a few more flashbacks) and her coming to grips with no longer being the crime-fighting, death-defying Batgirl. The last hour could be her (in a Batman Begins like montage) become the Oracle and assisting Batman via technology to take down The Joker again. Hell, jump the gun and add Huntress or Black Canary for a sequel with the Birds of Prey (I hated the TV show btw but it did have promise). It needs a little more work, but it will be a hell of a lot better than what has been out recently. It has a tragic yet strong female character and her overcoming great odds. Just a thought.

Wow, that was quite a rant. Well, Douchebrawl 2006 Second Round ends tonight at Midnight and the Suckass Sixteen will begin tomorrow until Saturday Night! Be sure to vote! Also, as you know from the blog I have put a lot of Para Para dancing on here. Is it just me, or does the music sound like happy hardcore versions of DDR songs? Just an observation.

Anyone ever notice how DDR has two kind of users? Those that concentrate on the steps and only move their lower body:

And those that get a little to buck with it:

America, we have found the next big Olympic sports: Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para. It would mainly be USA vs. Japan, but it would be fun to watch. More fun to watch than curling or the steeple chase. A free tasty beverage to whoever can tell me what those sports are. See, I give back to the peeps. Um, Griff you are never allowed to send me links again. Ever.

Sad. Stay up, peeps. Chachi out.

Handle with care

Morning, peeps. It's another Monday morning and man, do I hate Mondays. Not as bad seeing as I don't have to work though. So, how is everyone? Doing okay, peeps? Want a soda? SOOOODA?

So Z asked me why Madea is the number one movie this weekend with 30 million dollars. Keep this in mind: Ray, Walk the Line, Crash and Munich all did about half of that in their first weeks of release. All were better movies. Why did they not succeed and the shitfest that was Madea did? Americans are stupid. Really, a lot Americans of all races, genders and religions are dipshits. Movies like Madea, When A Stranger Calls and any movie with Heath Ledger do well because they play on the stupidest of citizens:

1. Blacks (I don't wanna hear shit from ya'll. Remember Swatch watches and Malcolm X caps? We EARNED his distincion)
2. Teenagers (well, from 12-17. See MTV and you will know how stupid they can be. I swear they will watch anything. The reason Party of Five kept coming back and the WB hasnt been destroyed. See Blacks for UPN)
3. Religious Asshats (From The Passion to Chronicals of Narnia, these people go to see any movie with anything about Jesus en masse. As one who couldn't give a fuck about the guy, I like my Jesus and my movies as far away from each other as possible)

So lets add these factors up:

Famous black actors/actresses? Check. Well, about as famous as you can get without hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. And no one wants to do that. So you you have the Black audience. Dumb ass teen factor? Check. Now this one is touchy because they are targeting BLACK teens. But think about it. Who is blacker than a black teen? A WHITE teen. And what is cool to blacks becomes cool to whites at some point. So it all flows together like your oil and your gas. Ah, MC Hammer. So you have a small segment of the teen audience. Lastly, pointless discussions and links to Big J? Check and check. Tyler Perry is a devout Christian (a big reason I'm not a fan of his work, aside from the fact it sucks) and puts his love of the Baptist church in (from what I can tell) all of his works. So there is always a link to the worlds most famous carpenter, so he has a segment of the religious group. So that is three checks, and those three checks equal about 30 million dollars. I try to help.

Now, I am going to touch on something here. Some of you may be offended, but at this point if you are still reading after the shit I have talked about than this won't matter. We all have heard about Jason McElwain, a trainer for the Greece Athena basketball team that got a chance to play in a games final minutes. He went on to go all Kobe on the opponent and got 20 points in the final 3:41 of the game.



Great story about the trimph of a kid with a serious ailment that got live out his dream. I am not going to rant on that. Something needs to be said about the sportsmanship aspect, though.

History lesson. Steve Spurrier is one of the most despised coaches in sports history. A legend in Flordia Gator football, he led them to 6 SEC championshhps and a national title in 12 years. In his wake there, he left several humiliated teams and pissed off coaches. He was known for running up the scoreboard on opponents, not just to impress the polls but to embarras the opponent. People have said for years he lacks sportsmanship. I however beileve you play till the game is over (Randy Moss, anyone), and your pride means jackshit if you give up and the team scores all over you. You get what you deserve if you quit.

Now back to the game. First off, Greece Athena won 79-43. That is 36 points. That is by all definitions a blow out. When Jason came in, the opponent was ALREADY down by 20 points with 4 plus to go. In the final four minutes, Jason went 6-10 from 3-point range and according to ESPN 7-13 from the floor. Thirteen shots in 4 minutes? That seems to be a little excessive, even for an event like this. Putting him in was awesome, and when I heard that part I was happy for him. As a matter of fact, I was all for him taking a shot. When I found out he missed, I was all for giving him another one. When he his that shot, in the eyes of sportsmanship (in my opinion, just an opinion) I would have instructed him to play the game, not hurl up shots. Getting into a game is more than just scoring. It's about boxing out, passing, screens and the give and go. Yes, I know no one has played defense in the NBA since 1997, that's no reason to not learn the basics. Quite simply, the game was over. You run out the clock and celebrate. No one is taking the feelings of the opponent in to account here.

Now Grizzle asked me 'why didnt they just d him up?' Um...you can't 'd-up' a kid with autisem, I don't even think it is LEGAL. No school will EVER sign you for blocking a shot from a 'special' player. The opponent really had no choice in the matter but to let him score. And that is jacked up. If they would have tried the whole 'foul to put him on the line so we can get the ball quicker' the coach would have been called insensitve. No one calls the coach of Greece Athena insensitve about letting a player shoot more shots in 4 minutes than anyone else shot in the whole game (I'm guessing on that one, havent been able to find a box score). I'm just saying.

Myself, I thought the story was great....until I saw the score. That just has to hurt is all I am saying.

Oh, and lastly Nick Lachey was the second fiddle in his marriage, now he's second fiddle in his own FAMILY. Congratulations to Drew for winning Dancing With The Stars. You are now the most popular Lachey. Like being the most popular Baldwin, I guess.

Also, NEW SOUL'D OUT, FOOL! Well not new, but new to the blog. Urbs Communication for the peeps:

Even mo' Diggy-MO. I have never heard of this song, actually. Good stuff though:


Oh, and I'm really liking Lacey Chabert. Too right. You know, Party of Five had Lacey Chabert AND Jennifer Love Hewitt and STILL got cancelled. THREE TIMES. That's more than enough clevage to save a crappier show.

Respect.

Well, Chachi must be entertained. Cromatie High School, ahead! Stay up for now, peeps. Douchebrawl ends on Tuesday night so don't forget to vote!

Chachi out.

A sad day in Mayberry

I am sad to say that Don Knotts passed away yesterday. I wasn't even a thought in his heyday, but with the advent of sydication and TV Land, I got to see Don Knotts on The Andy Griffith Show and Three's Company (HELLS YEAH!) and several movies. I always thought he was hilarious, one of the few that still works here and there that are still funny, along with Bob Newhart. Gonna miss him.

So I am completely in love with YouTube. Ever since MTV Japan and MTV UK changed to that shitty Flash/Windows Media Player bastardized hybrid rather than standard streaming video I have been unable to see videos from J-pop artists. That and I can't go to the store and ask for it because it's not normal to ask for Hikaru Utada at the local music shop. Makes you sound like a nerd, and nerds get spanked with moonrocks. On YouTube, there are fellow j-pop fans and I fit in. Now I know how the bumblebee girl in the Blind Melon video felt. Ayumi Hamasaki is familiar to anime fans as the singer of the 3rd ending of InuYasha (I wanna say ep47-60 something, but odds are I am wrong because I didnt watch it all the much) but I remember her for j-pop ballands and being...er...cute. And doing the ending for Chobits. God, I am beginning to hate myself for being such a damned nerd. This is the video for Evolution, probably my favorite song from her. I think its from Hack series, but i never watched a single episode of that show. Never seen the video either, so here it is. I'll watch it with you:



So, last night I stayed up to watch Full Metal Achemist. Its said, its on episode 48 (Goodbye) and there are only 3 more left. I saw the episodes a LOOOOONG time ago when I first found out about fansubs. I met someone on MIRC that traded FMA and Naruto for Escaflowne and Hikaru No Go with me. I miss those days. Needless to say, I am kind of excited to see the ending again and the voice of Ed has grown on me. Here is the second opening to FMA, Ready, Steady GO! L ARC~En~Ciel, fool! WHAT! Thanks to Zach for correcting me on the spelling, which is why I couldnt find there stuff for so damn long.



Kick the ass, guys. Kick the ass. Speaking of kicking ass, here are my two favorite anime opening themes EVER. Yes, EVER. First, Chobits:



And REC. You may have heard this on the Happy Fun Time section of my website. Good stuff, although episode three won't fucking download.



Would be a great series if not for the cat tree. Yes, the cat tree. Alight its still good but a cat tree? Okay this is the last one i swear. But I had to do it. Pani Poni Dash second opening. Hell yeah. It's no Shoujo Q, but it still toe-tapping fun.



Okay so I lied.But eh, big ups ya'self. Respect. I likes me julie to hab big babalons.



You know what CSP needs? A crew. I'm gonna start a crew. We'z gonna be called the South Springs Massiv. You can apply to be in the crew at my e-mail Lo_Chachi@yahoo.com. All I ask is no mengas and no one under the age of 10, you arent covered by the insurance. The South Springs Massiv is an Equal Opportunity Employer. Except for mengas. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.