Porn: Keeping Men Sane Since 1974!

What is up, people?! It is me and I am back on the fricking scene! It has been a minute since a mid-week update but I miss you guys. What can I say, I am a big softie. Work has been hectic (already on the phones after like…five days as compared to Comcast where they just got on for the most part) but it is getting along. Just so you know…I am a total dumbass. If things go as planned, I will tell you why later but for now just know that Tina Turner and I both think that Ike really does love us, even though he hit us with a boot.

Speaking of hitting that, I have something dear to my heart that I would like to talk about. Porn. Now before you get all disgusted, hear me out. Now a few of you know that I do partake in a bit of the erotic cinema every now and then. I constantly hear about how porn is bad and ruins relationships and let me tell you something. It can. IF YOU LET IT! I was hearing people discuss how porn was all evil at work (My class is 11 women and me. Just like womens studies all over again) and they were talking about how all men become warped by the videos and have to have sex like they do in the movies. Normally I would get all “shut up and here is why” but rather than argue about porn I just listened. And you know what? Women get porn completely wrong. At least in my view, which is the right view once I get drunk which I SO WILL BE IN A MINUTE.

I listened to them discuss this for about 20 minutes (through lunch for the most part) and all they focused on is how they do things in videos that are “wrong” and that they “wont do”. Now normally a dude would be all “if you did it, they wouldn’t watch!” but I really listened to their statements and realized something. I don’t WANT my woman to do what is in porn for the most part. Now in my few (and by few I mean three) real relationships with women, when sex came up they would ask me if I liked what was in porn and I would always answer “it depends”. They all said that was a cop-out and I wasn’t being honest with them. The truth is for me and I honestly believe a pretty sizable set of men that is the case. Hear me out on this one.

I will be honest with you, peeps. I watch porn. Not like I watch Death Note or Bleach, but I do watch it. You know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, face it. If more women did what Jasmine Byrne did, there would be fewer wars. Or in some cases MORE WARS because she does submission/domination stuff and that shit aint cool. I want to get down with a lady, not get beat the fuck up. That aint sexy. But back to my point. I will never say that porn is completely healthy in massive doses. I mean ask Zach and Ted how much smut I had back in the day and they will tell you. It was a fucking lot, literally. You know what, I’m not ashamed. It was several gigs. Go ahead and judge me if you want, but I was a lot less of an asshole and nowhere near as jaded or bitter. You know why? I was able to rub one out to a new movie whenever I needed. It was like a different girlfriend every night! However, when I had a girlfriend I never watched it. Mainly because I didn’t need the shit when she found it (which happened and was the FUNNIEST ARGUMENT EVER. Get me a Tuaca Bomb and I will tell you about it) but also because I had no need to watch it. I had someone to be with. Although I never made the trip down south in the way I wanted (YAHTZEE!) it was all good.

Back to the grind (ZING!), though. I never watched porn because I wanted my girlfriend to do what was in the video or wanted to do what was in there to her. I mean, anal sex is painful for both parties (Another Tuaca Bomb, another story. I wanna get TOE UP!) and that is a staple of porn. Not only because that’s what has to happen to most womens asses (i.e.: DVDA)but because for some reason, that seems to be what men want. Porn is about money, plain and simple. All things are from religion to frozen pizza. Both are about as healthy and worthless as eachother. Women think that men watch porn because their fantasies arent being fulfilled and some of that is true. However, porn is exactly that: fantasy. It is an escape. The reason I watch it is because sometimes, I don’t WANT to do that to you but I am curious about it. I mean, I have seen a bukakke video but I have never, AND I MEAN NEVER wanted to engage in that. I wouldn’t wish that on my most hated female enemies and there are two that REALLY COME CLOSE that I don’t even wish that on. The fact is that porn isnt bad if watched in moderation. If you are weak enough to let yourself think that you have to watch porn to get it up or that you wife (or husband) has to “work it like a pornstar” in both looks and actions then YES it is bad. If that is happening to you, your concern shouldn’t be porn as much as it should be common sense.
While we are on the subject, there is a misconcetpion about pornstars being stupid whores. Well, first off they get paid (WELL) to fuck dudes while 9 times out of 10 women have done the same thing with the same amount of men and only got a free drink and a lifetime of regret/self-esteem issues out of it. NOW who is the whore? BURN! Secondly, as long as you are comfortable with what you do then there shouldn’t be a problem. While a lot of women in porn may hate it, its just like any job. If you don’t like it, find something else to do. Pornstars are entertainers and dammit, they do a good job of it. I have seen pornstars that don’t entertain (Nikki Benz, I am looking at you) while there are some that are just GRRRRRREAT

(Nautica Thorn…hells yeah) and deserve all the credit for being troopers that they get. Just like wrestlers and football players, they are perfectionists in their craft and I salute you wholeheartedly. You have gotten me through many a tough time and broken hearts. Because of you, I know that not all women are out to hurt me. I know….that I can believe in life after love:

Yes, Cher. Another reason that I like porn so much is that I may be gay. I mean, CHER?! I have issues. Anyway, back on my original point of women being wrong about porn. I understand you r concern and anger. I feel the same way when women say a “bro” is hot with his frayed vintage polo, khaki shorts and fresh out of bed hair. Oh, and his spray-tan of Axe body spray to boot. When you say that pornstars are an unachievable form of beauty…um…have you seen porn? Pornstars have acne and scars, just like you. No one is perfect, sans Yuna Ito:

And if she ever does porn, I will kill EVERYONE. The fact is that pornstars are regular women that just do really….REALLY kinky things on camera for money sometimes. Remember, some women do that shit for FREE. No one MAKES them sit there and get jizzed on. When I see sperm coming…I fucking kill someone because that’s not how I roll. Like I mentioned before, these women are PROFESSIONALS. They know what they are doing and rookies shouldn’t do it. Its how women wear patches and need ice packs for their asses. Men, that goes for you too. If it looks like you need a manual and wet naps, then get a fucking manual and wet naps. Winging shit is how babies are made and break-ups begin. Another Tuaca Bomb, another story.

Porn isn’t (and shouldn’t be) the only way you see sexual contact. If it is, that IS a problem and can put women in a view of being nothing more than an object. I can understand that. However, if a man sees you as a sex object that he can try his fantasies out on...so what? Relationships are give and take. If your man watching massive amounts of porn bothers you because he is beginning to treat you like the movies and wants to stick it in all seven holes rather than they tried and true three (Fine, two. But I get to pick which two! Its called being spontaneous and women love that!) then let him know. If he balks at that, fuck him. Er...I mean don’t fuck him. He should respect that. On the other side, a man watching porn, just like (IMHO) a woman watching porn is actually healthy. Not only can it show you stuff you might like to do, it shows you stuff you may want to NEVER do. If used correctly, porn is a healthy escape and a way to get the fantasies out that you really don’t want you signifigant other to do, but you are curious about.

Lastly, for those of you that say porn ultimatly leads to things like the illegal stuff (I am not going to say because I don’t want any government agency on my ass. COINTELPRO and all). You need to either get off the slippery slope or fall off that bitch into a violent ass reaming. Those that will get into that were going to anyway. Softcore porn isnt fucking marijuana and if if IS like that for you, don’t watch it. I don’t fiend for my next high like Tyrone Biggums.

“I needs me some felching videos, nigga! I’ll suck yo dick!”

How about no? I will watch me some Ashley Blue, thank you very much.

She does a MUCH BETTER job at that than I will, and is as cute as a button! That…gives great mouth love. In closing, women need to get a grip about porn. Hell, getting a grip may make him not WATCH porn if you get my drift. I’m kidding! In all seriousness, porn is a great thing if watched in moderation and understood for what it is for: entertainment and stimulation. If you use that to build your views on women or dictate your sexual wants and habits then you are a fucktard and need to not watch. You are ruining for the rest of us. If you can enjoy porn for what it is for, then grab your joystick and get to work! Don’t take my word if you will enjoy it, check out these pornstars on your local internet!

Lela Starr (A little too skinny, but is a professional. Does great work)

Audrey Bitoni (Oh come on. She is fricking HAWT)

Maria Ozawa (I likes me some Asians. Tell’em, Rick! Yellow rice! God…I need to stop)

Jasmine Byrne (My all-time favorite!)

I try to help the masses. Well, that is all for now. I will be back on Friday for the Countdown but I will try to be up before then. I miss updating for you eleven or twelve readers. Until I return…read the archives. Cant a brotha have some repeats?! Just kidding, stay up ya’ll!

Chachi Out!

Wow....This Must Be What Crack Feels Like

First things first: never....EVER try a grilled cheese corndog sanwhich unless you are ready to feel the pain. And by pain I mean a massive coronary. My god...we need to take this idea back to the drawing board.

Also, "30 Days of Night" is another contender for the Movie of the Year Chachi Award.

I know! I am just as shocked as you! But Josh Hartnett gave a great performance and it was a pretty good redux of the book! Quick rundown:

Vampires getting their shit wrecked on by a trencher (look it up): CHECK
Josh Hartnett looking SUPRISINGLY bishie hawt?: CHECK
Vampire children getting messed up with axes?: CHECK
Bela Lugosi reference (That sadly only I got)?: CHECK
Eskimos?: CHECK. I mean it IS Alaska
Gruesome scenes of blood sucking? CHECK YES! They were sucking plasma like Jasmine Byrne. Look it up. On second thought, don't.
All-around vampire goodness?: CHECK!

Full review at some point this week but as of right now...this is the shocker of the damn year. If I had to choose Vampires or Spartans, I would have to choose vampires. And before you ask "how could vampires survive in Alaska, they hate the cold!" let me tell you why. They are Russian. There you go, that simple.

That is all for now, until I return check out some hilarity:

Yeah, I didnt like Fable all that much either.

The Queens of (J)-Pop!

Well, it is another Friday so you know what time it is!

Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!!

We start off with 2007's Kings of the Countdown...

20. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #17, Seven weeks at #1)
Well, the run is almost over. UGK makes history with the longest running number one video in Countdown history and also ties Yuna Ito’s “I’m Here” with an astounding 20 WEEKS on the Top 20. Now THAT is big pimpin. Here is to some new UGK (or Outkast) soon!
19. 2Backka + Bennie K – Home (New Entry)

Yay! More Bennie K! You know, their album “The World” kind of slipped under the radar but it was very good. Not sure who 2Backka is but they hold their own in this video with the greatness that is Bennie K. Simple video, but the song makes up for it.
18. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #14)
Okay, the album is out. The wait is over. After listening to it THREE FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW I can honestly say that Kanye and Yui had better prepare to look bad on camera because they are about to lose. THIS BAND KICKS YOUR ASS!
17. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (Last Week #20)
You know, with both Yui AND Yuna Ito on the Countdown I think this may officially be the best October ever. This video is gradually growing on me and the outfit she had on during the live performance? Tres HAWT.
16. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (Last Week #12)
Well, with the Chachi Music Awards closing in I wonder if “BUGRIGHT” stands up against the competition this year. At the beginning of the year it had no peer but now, there are about five albums looking to knock them down a peg. Can their follow-up bring them back to the top next year?
15. Daughtry – Over You (Last Week #18)
Daughtry moves up three spots this week as he slowly moves up the Countdown. You know what? I forgot that Jordin Sparks even WON American Idol this year. I really kind of didn’t care, either. This season had great stories but was musically underwhelming. Sad, but true. Hell, Daughtry was the best of the bunch (Yes, better than Carrie Underwood because country is not good) and he didn’t even WIN. Cosmic.
14. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #16)

Dance moves a plenty in this one! I have yet to find out anything else about what she has going on but I am a fan. Anyone else know much about her? Eh, it doesn’t matter. This video is great and…yeah I think she is quite teh hawt.
13. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #10)
John Legend falls out of the Top 10 with his latest video. I hoep he goes on tour soon, seeing as how I missed the last one. Speaking of missing tours, RBD never showed up in Denver last month and needless to say, I am a tad bit pissed off. Eh, not like I can lock Anahi in a box and make her perform for me whenever I want. I can dream.
12. Yui - Jam (Last Week #13)

Speaking of dreams….the roast beef in a Yui and Anahi potato bread sandwich? Now THAT is hawt stuff. Oh, she moves up a spot this week, too.
11. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #15, Biggest Mover)
First time out, Paramore is looking at their first Top 10 video! They also look the be up for a few Chachi’s this year to boot. Albeit a slow year in rock, Paramore has performed well.
10. L`Arc~en~Ciel – My Heart Draws A Dream (Last Week #11)
For the second time of 2007, The Arc is in the Top 10! Looks like we have another frontrunner for Artist of the Year and it is well deserved. Hyde & Co have been rocking it all over Japan for years and I have to give them their due. You all should do the same and join the rainbow! Play on words…
9. Soulja Boy – Crank That [Soulja Boy] (Last Week #5)
After making it to the Top 5 last week, Soulja Boy falls a big four spots this week. Mostly because he needs a new dance. Oh, and “Soulja Girl” is not a good video or song. Not a fan.
8. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #9)

Kanye and…T-Pain….man, never thought I would say that…move one spot closer to the top spot. With four Top Ten videos this year (including a number one), it looks like Kanye is attempting to lock up the Artist of the Year. Not only that, this video no longer annoys me because I replace T-Pain in my mind. Mind over matter, peeps.
7. Common feat Lily Allen – Driving Me Wild (Last Week #7)
Don’t look now, but Common is quietly having a great year. He is closing in on his second Top 10 video and has one of the best albums of the year with “Finding Forever”. Not only that, he is in “American Gangster” (which comes out payday!) which promises to be an Oscar contender. Not bad, not bad at all.
6. Aqua Timez - Alones (Last Week #4, Four weeks at #1)
So Aqua Timez falls two more spots this week after a month at number one a while back. Not only that, they have lost the opening spot of Bleach! However, I don’t think they could have made a better choice in Asian Kung Fu Generation. They kick just as much ass (Hell, MORE ASS) than Aqua Timez. Oh, and the new Bleach intro ROCKS YOUR FACE art-wise. Just AWESOME. Onto the Top 5!
5. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #8)

After two weeks, Alicia Keys is ALREADY in the Top 5. She follows in the steps of Namie Amuro, nobodyknows+ and UGK as she gets here in less than a month. I love this video and I REALLY LOVE THIS SONG. That and I just love me some Alicia Keys. With her sexy, mocha self. Just hawt.
4. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #6)
Speaking of hawt! Can it get any hotter in here? Seriously, can it? The answer is no as Yui has her…FOURTH TOP FIVE VIDEO OF 2007. That is just plain awesome! She puts in a lot of work into her music and her videos are always great, which is why she has such a great track record. That and she is as cute as a button. We are down to three…
3. Mihimaru GT – Gazen Yeah! (Last Week #1, Two weeks at #1)

…and we have a minor upset! After only two weeks, the reigning King and Queen of Mihimaru GT fall from the throne! Still havent made this song my damn ringtone, mainly because I am always tired. Waking up to 10am for three weeks will do that to you. I will get to it because this song is still J-pop goodness. We have a new number one video, but who will it be?
2. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #2)

In a shocker, Nelly Furtado holds tight at number two! After an almost six month gap between her videos, here is to hoping she holds on. Oh, and can I say she was looking quite hawt on the VH1 Hip Hop Honors? Quite nice. Even still, by staying put at #2 it looks like our new number one made a leapfrog…
1.Sowelu, EXILE & DOBERMAN INC – 24 Karat (Last Week #3, One week at #1)

And for the first time ever, Sowelu and EXILE reign supreme over the Countdown! After a two month journey, the hawtness of Sowelu and the awesomeness of EXILE (combined with DOBERMAN INC, of course) finally conquered all as they share the throne this week! Not sure if it leads to a new EXILE album or a new Sowelu album but either way, I will be happy. Oh, and I loves me some Sowelu. Not sure if you knew that. Congrats to the new number one!

That is all for now! Tune in next week to see if Sowelu, EXILE and DOBERMAN INC can hold on to the 24Karat crown for another week! Or can Nelly Furtado finally secure her secon number one video? Or will Yui make it the Triple Crown for 2007? Find out next week! Wow, I just noticed that the Top 5 is full of ladies. Sexy, sexy ladies. Who said I hated women?!

Well, I will try to catch “The Comebacks” tonight or Sunday and let you know how it is. Odds are…not funny. But I havent been to the movies in a while so I think I’m due. Until then, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out!

Ah, My Nemesis. We Meet Again.

What’s up, fools! I am back on the scene and…I got nothing. I am just “teh bored” until I start work on Monday and quite simply I’m an asshole so I don’t have many (well…any) friends. Rightfully so, but I can dream of the days when I have enough friends to actually throw a birthday party.

So I had interesting discussions about the empowerment of women a few days ago with Zach and Griff (and Teq who I hadnt seen in like two months even though he lives a block away. I suck as a friend) and something shocked me. First off, Zach is a chauvenist and Griff is not. That is fucking weird because Griff is a Muslim and you KNOW what the Quran says about women knowing their role and shutting their mouths. Say what you will about them being radical, they knows how to keep the womens in line. Unlike those Christians. No Paris Hilton’s under Allah’s watch. Griff actually thinks the BEST of women and then they act stupid and he repeats the cycle because like me, he attracts the crazies. Zach on the other hand doesn’t respect women at all, and usually they end up being stupid ANYWAY which validates his stance so it is difficult to prove him wrong about the situation.

I say all that because of this: how come women are so misguided now when women of the older generations had A LOT more shit to go through and ended up a lot better than females today? Hell, even my sister (as whacky as she is, and she is a few ninjas short of a clan) isnt pregnant and hasn’t dealt with any “baby daddy drama”. Keep in mind she doesn’t tell me everything but she does crazy on a grand scale so if she did some crazy shit it would be on Keith Olbermann or Papa Bear. And she lived in WASHINGTON DC AND NEW ORLEANS WHERE MURDERS HAPPEN LIKE RAPES BY CADETS! Damn…I am dick. No babies, no murders and no drunken stupors that resulted in bukkake or gangbangs. At least I hope because gangbangs don’t look fun for anyone involved. Even though I like her like Michael likes Janet (when I need to make a comeback single, I will call her) I respect the fact that she hasn’t lost her fucking mind. So how can females who live in COLORADO SPRINGS have more than two kids before 21 and drink themselves stupid while she can survive in HELLHOLES and not have a single kid to her name? Unless she pulled a Sarah Silverman and had abortsias (the plural of abortion. Look it up) she is doing okay and for the most part not being a fucktard. Which to me is the ultimate in empowerment: common sense.

Zach pitched an argument to me about how women find being sexually active in usual male based fantasies (gangbangs, anal, etc) is counter-productive if you are looking to be respected as a female. After a little more though, it became a valid statement because I found it hard to believe that women were down for the 5 on 1. I will say this several times, but it is worth saying again: there is nothing wrong with being sexually active but you cant confuse being ACTIVE with being DEVIANT. This is a confusing factor with me because the females I know give the same excuse, “I know it is not the norm and people will talk bad about me but it is my choice.” Which is true, flat out. It is your choice (Not RIGHT, don’t get that twisted. The Constitution doesn’t cover whoredom) to act however you like. I will never say that promiscuity is wrong because unless you have Bukkake Thursdays or Felching Fridays there is nothing wrong with sex. I heard it was great, but no one will let me find out because I have never had consentual sex with a woman without money involved. The fact is this: no matter how you slice it a bad move is a bad move no matter how you feel about it. Trust me, I lived this shit. Just because you have the OPPORTUNITY to have multiple sexual partners, drink yourself stupid, choose to date the “bad boy” or “thug” that will beat you but you have “so much history”, wear shirts with “Porn Star” or the Playboy bunny logo and know nothing about cars (Listen, I’m no mechanic but at least I KNOW TO CHANGE MY FUCKING OIL BEFORE TWO YEARS!) doesn’t mean you should. In the end, if you do the checks and balances and those ideas seem good then by all means knock yourself out. All that matters is how you feel about you and if you are comfortable with yourself then fuck the world if the can’t adjust. However, don’t get pissy when everyone else doesn’t approve with what you do because it is stupid as fuck. With power comes responsibility, deal with it. Peter Parker learned it, the Roman learned it, Jerry Jones and Carmen Policy learned it (kind of, 8 Super Bowls in 15 years negates the need to learn, I guess) and if you are known as the girl that likes it in all seven holes then you need to learn it as well.

Back on this point of empowerment. Last night I was talkling to a female friend of and I was talking about how I don’t understand how women can repsect themselves if they dance to songs that STILL refer to them as strippers and whore (Check out Plies and T-Pain and tell me I am wrong). She then TOLD me that stupid women (it is funny how women can be selective about who they consider “women” and who that consider “whores”. It is TOTALLY bearing on what the conversation is about but that is another rant) don’t CARE ABOUT A SONG CALLING THEM WHORES (or the artists/men in the club calling them that) dance to those songs and she dances to them because she likes to dance. That doesn’t make sense. Even if the song was bad ass and produced by Lil Jon, if there was a song with the hook “Dance, Nigger Jungle Bunny! Dance, Spear Chucka!”...I really don’t think that would fly with me. Now if a song says “Shake that ass bitch! Like a stripper on a pole! Drop that thing low you freaky ass hoe!” and you do so…you are kind of a dumbass. You can no longer talk about being dis-respected and you can no longer talk about the patriarchial structure of America holding you down because if you support those that hold you down you cannot complain. It’s not a difficult concept: Respect yourself and others witll respect you but don't expect acceptance for what you do. If they don’t after that and you are still cool with what you do and how you are, fuck them. Not LITERALLY.

And that is one to grow on. And now, to help you ladies get your learn on….the Teletubbies! Tinky Winky says get low, bitch!

Yeah, that was pretty fucked up. Well, I will try to be back up next week at some point before Friday with something new. Until then, stay up peeps.

Restecp Each-Ova.

Haven't I Been Here Before?

Yo yo yo! It is another Friday and you know what that means! It is time for the…

Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a video from an artist that already had a number one video earlier this year!

20. Yuna Ito – Urban Mermaid (New Entry)

Miss Yuna is back! No, not the Yuna from NDK…even BETTER! Yuna Ito is back with her latest video and makes a triumphant return to the Countdown! The last time we saw Yuna, she was setting the record for the longest reign video in Countdown history with “I’m Here”, which made it to #1 earlier this year. I really like this video because the message is actually pretty nice and Yuna is…well hawt as hell. The more hot Japanese ladies on the Countdown the better.
19. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #16, One week at #1)
It looks like Kanye’s former number one video is on its way out after a great run. You know, it looks like Kanye is going to be battling it out with Yui for the most nominations in this year’s Music Video Awards. Will he win one or will he spaz out at the ceremony? Here is hoping for a spaz out because those equal RATINGS!
18. Daughtry – Over You (New Entry)

Can we have a welcome back for Daughtry? It has been more than 7 months since “It’s Not Over” dominated the Countdown for half a month and this is his return! This video is actually one with a message (Although I despise AA) which is always good. With videos in a down turn, it’s good to see some storylines return.
17. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #14, Seven weeks at #1)
So has UGK officially locked up the Best Video of the Year? There is some stiff competition (John Legend, Aqua Timez, nobodyknows+, Yui) but with SEVEN weeks at #1…that is hard to top. Unfortunatly, there hasn’t been a video from them ever since so that kind of knocks them back a peg. It has been a dominating few months for UGK, but it looks to be coming to an end…
16. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #20)
What can I say, funky fresh dancing is how I live. NaNa moves up a big four spots this week as she makes a quick move up the Countdown. I don’t really know much about NaNa except she is a kick ass dancer and her voice isnt all that annoying. Also, I LOVE that breakdown near the end. It should be a law that all songs have one.
15. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #18)

Slowly but surely, Paramore moves up the Countdown. They gain three spots this week and supposedly have a new video out soon to boot. The video is a bit too Avril Lavignelike for me but hey, that isnt a COMPLETELY bad thing.
14. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #11)
TM and the crew falls another three spots this week as ABS continues their great year. Three videos should equal a damn album soon, or at least it BETTER.
13. Yui - Jam (Last Week #15)
Yui is making moves late in 2007 with two videos moving up the Countdown at the same time. Only Foxxi MisQ and Bi can claim that so that is some good work on her part. Oh, and if you get the chance, check out some of her live performances of this song. It is quite great.
12. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (Last Week #9)
If 2006 was the year of UVERworld, this is their sophmore slump. This video peaked at number three and has been in a freefall ever since. With “Zero No Kotae” not hitting number one and “Endscape” not even charting, this is a great departure from their three number one video performace of 2006. I’m just saying.
11. L`Arc~en~Ciel – My Heart Draws A Dream (Last Week #13)

NEW L’ARC~EN~CIEL!! And it is from Gundam! Can it get any better? Well, this video has moved a step closer to the Top 10 so that is good as well. Viva Le Arc!
10. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #5, Plunge of the Week)
John Legend falls the most spots he has ever fallen this week as he plummets from the Top 5. He stays inside the Top 10, which is some help but even still that is a lot of chart to fall down. “Stereo” is also John’s first video NOT to hit number one.
9. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #10)
Kanye moves up another spot this week as he looks for his second number one of 2007. Sadly, he is bringing along the Predalope and Keith Sweat killer T-Pain with him. I really…REALLY don’t like T-Pain. Too bad he is in that Chris Brown song, too. Just ruining my 2007.
8. Alicia Keys – No One (Last Week #12)
More hot ladies on the Countdown! After a huge debut last week, Alicia moves up four spots this week and into the Top 10 for the first time! So this means a new album for Alicia at some point in 2007 which will be AWESOME AS HELL. Oh, how I have missed her so.
7. Common feat Lily Allen – Driving Me Wild (Last Week #8)
Common is moving up this week as he tries to capture the top spot that eluded his first video. After a breakout 2005, Common is looking to make up for lost time with two simply brilliant videos and arguably the best album of they year. Native Tongues, fool!
6. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #7)

Even more Yui! This song live with the violins is AWESOME and the new version of the video without the movie clips is hawt. A soaking wet Yui? Been parts of my dreams for about a year or so.
5. Soulja Boy – Crank That [Soulja Boy] (Last Week #6)
I mean YOOOOOU! Soulja Boy moves up to the Top Five this week and has a new video out! Problem is…”Soulja Girl” sucks ass. Hard. I mean seriously, I am sick of all these shitty songs to get ladies to dance. They all do the same dance and it involves gyrating for no reason. He has like three other songs I would have rather wanted to see a video for but it is what it is. Crank that!
4. Aqua Timez - Alones (Last Week #2, Four weeks at #1)
After a month long reign at the top, Aqua Timez falls two spots this week but still stays in the Top 5. It is almost time for a new Bleach opening theme and about time for a new Aqua Timez video. The have a new single out so a video should be out any day now. Hopefully, I don’t need another FIVE MONTH WAIT! Onto the Top Three!
3. Sowelu, EXILE & DOBERMAN INC – 24 Karat (Last Week #4)

The third biggest video in the world is brought to you by three of the hottest names in J-Pop right now! Sowelu, DOBERMAN INC and EXILE are only two places away from the top spot as they climb into the Top 3. You know, I don’t know a lot about DOBERMAN INC. I loves me the Sowelu and EXILE and I go way back but the INC is new to me. Anyone know some backstory? Hook a brother up! We are down to two…
2. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #3)

Nelly Furtado is one step away from her second number one video of 2007! It has been a while since she had been on before this video after three fast Top Three videos but she is back with a vengeance. However, she could not dethrone the reigning queen from the top…
1.Mihimaru GT – Gazen Yeah! (Last Week #1, Two weeks at #1)

For the second week in a row, Mihimaru GT tops the chart with the biggest video in the world! If you don’t know why, just click on it. It is great stuff, trust me. Sexy ladies, dance moves and poppy beats equal the top spot this week!

That is all for now! Tune in next week to see if Mihimaru GT can hold on for a third week! Or can Nelly Furtado grab her second number one video of 2007? Or can Sowelu, EXILE and DOBERMAN INC take their first crown? Tune in next Friday to find out! I will be actually at work starting Monday (BOOOOOOO, but YAAAAY!) but I will try to give an update during the week. Stay up, peeps!

Chachi Out!

Hip Hop, You Don't Stop!

Hey, ya’ll! I gues I am back on the scene today because I missed you all so. That and I am bored as all hell for a little while. With that being said, it is time for a little review! It has been a while since I have done one so here goes…

Master Chief Chachi Goes Small Screen!

This week: Vh1’s Hip Hop Honors 2007!

Well, first things first. I am totally hip hop. Just because I don’t like the new stuff doesn’t mean I aitn old school. What qualifies me as old school?

1. I own all three “Breakin” movies. Yes, all THREE. I even have the only released in Belarus “Breakin 3: Pop-N-Lock Brigaide” when Turbo and Ozone go to save their old breakdancing buddy from a war camp in Cambodia using only their funky fresh dance moves. It was fresh!
2. I’ve been involved in a hip hop beef. Its true, in 1988 I hit Mos Def in the head with a St. Ides bottle at a club in Hartford. We sent dis tracks at eachother, but we made up in 1990. We even released a peace track called “Niggas, Stop Being Niggas!”. Needless to say, it was well before its time.
3. I got shot. Really, in 1999 while I was getting a jug of juice of Wal-Mart. The shooter was linked to Snoop Dogg but nothing ever came of it because....no one solves rap shootings.
4. Supahead knows me. We met once at a Mall in Vegas. Well, by met I mean saw her from about a block away but still, more than most people can say. Sadly, we never had the sex because as you know, I havent had consensual sex with a woman without money involved. I’m sure Kristale hated every minute of it.

So those are my credentials. Let’s begin with the review!

Honoree #1: Missy Elliott

You know, no issues here. I have been a fan of Missy since the “hee-hee-hee-hee-how” and think that as far as creativity goes, male or female she is up there. Keep in mind aside from MC Lyte, female MC’s are lacking IMHO but still. The performances were OKAY as Tweet (who I thought fell off the face of the Earth) and Timbaland performed “The Rain” while Eve, Keisha Cole, Ciara and Nelly Furtado performed a sexy, sexy melody of Missy’s other hits including one that gets looked over in the “Hot Boyz Remix”. One of Eve’s best verses. Overall, the tribute was good and the nomination was well deserved, albeit maybe about two years too early. Either way, it was good stuff. Oh, and they had FATMAN SCOOP! BEND OVER! CHECK THE MAIL! GET LOOSE! PAY YOUR TAXES! COMTROL THE ANIMAL POPULATION! WHAT WHAT!

7 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (Real simple stuff, which made it good. Replace Tweet with someone….anyone else and this gets an 8)

Honoree #2: Teddy Riley and New jack Swing

FUCK YES! IT IS ABOUT FUCKING TIME HE GOT HIS DUE! I will be the first to say I was all about Guy, Blackstreet and (despite what I would say to Jen at The Q) Keith Sweat in the 80’s and 90’s. All of them had production and work done by Teddy Riley and Andre Harrell. If you liked “No Diggity” or “Rump Shaker” that was New Jack Swing. Hell, all hip hop from 1998-2001 was just ripped off of New Jack Swing any-damn-way! Ja Rule, Next, Dru Hill, Nelly and the rest of ya’ll need to give this man 25% of your fucking money. Now I was glad about the nomination but….T-PAIN PERFORMING KEITH SWEAT?! Now I have said some mean things about Keif but…T-FUCKING-PAIN?! The man RUINED that song since he didn’t have the Audiovox or whatever that thing he stole from Roger Troutman is called. I was pissed (also with his half assed dancing) by that, but having Ne-Yo perform “Remember The Time” was just….wow that was mindumbing. After that I was fed up so I stopped caring.

9 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (For the NOMINATION. The performance gets 4 out of 10 because at least they tried. New Jack Swing changed the face of R&B in the last 80’s to early 90’s and this is well deserved. If you think not, they take your chain and rims and stick them up your ass. Fuck you, you don’t know music)

Honoree #3: Wild Style

Okay, I will admit something. I havent seen this movie for almost TWENTY FUCKING YEARS. I apologize, my hip-hop cred is deminished. However, I have been listening to the soundtrack for the better part of 15 years so when they had the performance ofDoug E. Fresh, Busy Bee, Grandmaster Caz, KRS-One and Grand Wizard Theo I nearly lost my shit. It is comfortably in a septic tank somewhere. This movie (Along with Krush Groove, Beat Street and yes, Breakin) helped mold breakdancing into pop culture and this is a nod well deserved since mainstream media wont recognize it’s impact. My god, breakdancing rules your face. I swear, they dancing was bad ass and the freestyles (at least I think they were top of head. If so, it was TIGHT BANGIN!) made this the best performance since Big Daddy Kane and The Roots. Let us not forget the backfilp. But overall, this is the best performance of the night so far.

10 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (I love old school hip hop so this was almost tear-worthy. The historical cinematic and musical relevance of this movie goes up there with the greats. Not only that, the performance itself was GREAT! I mean seriously, the best performance on an award show in YEARS, no lie. Overall, a relevant nod and a great tribute)

Honoree #4: Whodini

Good god, can this get any better?! If there was any core of songs that got people either dancing or nodding, it would have to be Whodini. I mean of rap groups in terms of influence, you have to put them up there with the NWA’s and the Run-DMC’s of him-hop if fir nothing else then the taking of their lines and style. One thing that got me about Whodini was the production. The beats were never busy (Ahem….The Neptunes), repetitive (Ahem….Timbaland) or just plain too simple (AHHEEEEMMM! Lil Jon). They were just right, just like Whodini. If you don’t like Whodini, you rape collies. There, I said it. You hate Whodini, you love to sex up Lassie. Man, beastiality comes up on the blog WAY TOO OFTEN. Anyway…the performance was where I got a tad bit pissed. And by a tad bit I mean borderline livid. NICK CANNON AND NELLY?! Could they have picked a better combo to make me want to shoot up the building?! Who in the hell let Nick Cannon’s non-rapping ass in the building anyway?! Gaaaaawd. As for Nelly…he didn’t do BAD, which was shocking. As for Jermaine Dupri performing “5 Minutes of Funk” (My favorite song by Whodini, BTW)….it was bad ass. I never really had anything against JD. Overall, the nomination was about TWO YEARS OVERFUCKING DUE (I’m saying it now, Whodini should have been in before the Wu-Tang Clan) but it was well worth it. Despite Nick Cannon.

9 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (FUCK NICK CANNON. Aside from that, it was AWESOME. Worth the nod, albeit late and the performances were great. Even Nelly. Oh, and the old school dance part at the end….I almost cried. Do the wop for me one time!!!)

Honoree #5: Snoop Dogg

*Sigh* I am totally conflicted about this. Little known fact: I was all about Death Row in front of my friends but at home…I was listening to the Ranma ½ soundtracks and A Tribe Called Quest (more on them later). So I have nothing against Snoop aside from Soul Plane. And Bones. And The Wash. Wait….man, FUCK SNOOP! I’m kidding, they nominated Dre, they had to do Snoop. He changed the flow style (you could say Rakim was KIND OF close in style but not really) of rap and was overall just a stylistic force. Except for The Doggfather. Does anyone even OWN THAT ALBUM? Anyway, the performance was interesting. T.I. and B.G. opened it up with Deep Cover which was interesting as I figured either Game or Fat Joe (who “remade” it with Big Pun) would be better choices but the more T.I. the better. Pharrell did an AWESOME rendition of Nuthin But A G Thang if I say so myself. He had that leaned back flow DOWN. Could have dressed the part like T.I. did (He wore a fucking backpack. Come on, thugs don’t go to school!) but it was the second best of the night. They ended with Snoop and Bow Wow and I must say, I forgot Bow Wow was discovered by Snoop. Must have been awkward for Snoop to see his protégé broken up over some woman (Ciara, who was also there. Ooooohhhh, young drama!). Better call Bishop Don Juan! Closed legs don’t get fed, bitches! I kid, I kid. Overall, good stuff.

8 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (The whole thing kept an energy level that was laid back, much like Snoop himself. The nomination was about a year early but it is legit. The performances were by the numbers because Snoop really didn’t deviate from what works for the most part so it was what you would expect. Great, not awesome)

Honoree #6: A Tribe Called Quest (SAY THE WHOLE THING!)

Yes. YES. YES! OH MY GOD YES! Dare I say, it’s about time! I love me some Tribe (Although De La Soul should have been inducted at the same time, but still I aint gonna complain) and I will tell you this right now: “Midnight Maruders” stands up against any album released since Outkast’s Stankonia. Bring it, bitches. They were a great alternative to the West Coast rap scene and even to the New York rap which was mainly Onyx (Oy vey, never thought I would use THAT name) and a few others in the early and mid-90’s. I would put “Award Tour” and “Electric Relaxation” against any other rap song in terms of greatness. Hell, any song PERIOD. The performances were GREAT . From Pharrell (who fit in A LOT better in this performance), Common and Lupe Fiasco’s lyric forgetting ass:

Now I am not an uber-fan but I would have taken the time out to learn the lyrics! Yeeesh, no big deal. Also, it was great to see Busta Rhymes show up and yell his verse at the top of his lungs. Seriously, good stuff. Overall, this was overshadowed by the Whodini and Wild Style performances but A Tribe Called Quest’s influence on hip hop is undeniable for the most part. Well worthy of a nod this year.

9.5 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (Like I have to explain. IT’S THE TRIBE, YA’LL! Lupe’s minor blunder aside, it was a great tribute and a worthy entry. Besides, you cant beat having Common on TV)

Overall, I enjoyed this years show a little more than last years. Some of the performers were spotty (NICK CANNON) but aside from the initial shock of Missy Elliott and Snoop Dogg getting inducted so early, it was a great and relevant recognition of hip-hop achievement. What about Yo-Yo?!:

Hells yeah. Overall, if you catch the replay, check it out. Be forewarned: Nick Cannon will be on your TV screen. Make proper accomodations to turn the channel. Overall, I give the show

8.5 B-Boy Stances out of 10!

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow but until then, learn to play some ping pong:

You are totally ready for the next big rave! If you excuse me, it is time to wash the laundry. If you watched the movie, you’ll understand.

Chachi Out!

If Liking Hellogoodbye Makes Me Gay....Sign Me Up, Sailor!

So for the last month (since before NDK) I have had the closing from Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya stuck in my head. I am also gay as hell because I think that Hellogoodbye kicks ass. So by combining them, I have officially become the happiest person since R.Kelly got famous enough to perform at middle school dances without a second thought:

Go to hell, that kicked ass. If anyone else is lacking of pride, self-respect and common sense, I am TOTALLY busting out the para para dance routine at the end at Nan Desu Kan 2008. Anyone with me?

*sigh*

Didnt think so. You are all dicks. New blog tomorrow.

Oh, one last thing. Timbaland WISHES he could make beats this hardcore:

That's Kreva, fishes. Hells yeah. Thanks to Roxanne for the instrumental! It's freestyling time!

Salute Your Shorts

What is up, fishes?! It has been a while since I have just done a regular post (almost two weeks!) and I figure now is just as good as any. It is in the 40’s outside and I am SO READY FOR SOME FUCKING FOOTBALL! I love the fall. The ladies wear clothes (the smart ones, anyway), the Jews fly south and and Blacks hibernate for the winter. At least that’s what the bible taught me.

So it is time for a couple of housekeeping announcements. Consuela will be with you shortly, but until then, here is an update on the greatest even to hit the internet since the Great Porn/Chili Cookoff of 1998!

THE CHACHI’S!

Now last year, it was all one award show for TV, Movies and Music. This year, I will actually break it into three separate shows! The Passion of Chachi Music Awards nominees will be announced on October Monday, 29th and will air on the blog on Sunday, November 4th! Your votes will be encouraged during that time frame and your votes for the nominees are appreciated as well! Secondly, the Passion of Chachi TV Awards nominees will be announced on Monday, November 19th and will air on Sunday, November 26th! This gives time for the new season to impress me (Which aside from “Chuck” and “Prison Break” it really hasn’t) and have more relevant nominees. Odds are, Death Note will fucking sweep. Just a thought. Lastly, the Passion of Chachi Movie Awards nominees will be announced on Monday, December 10th and will air on this very blog on Sunday, December 16th! Oh, and 300 WILL BE NOMINATED! Just too hot for words. Once again, your input is encouraged!

Now as most of you know, I reside in Colorado Springs which has four (five if you count Schreiver AFB) military installations in a 9 foot fucking radius. Combine that with the Cadets at the Air Force Academy and you pretty much have to live “Full Metal Jacket” and “Iron Eagle” everyday, minus the coolness of Louis Gossett Jr. He has an Oscar, you know? Anyway, I have noticed something that is a disturbing trend in the military over the last six or so years. Is it just me….or is our military getting stupider?

Now before you throw a bitch fit and call me un-American, fuck you. My blog, my opinion. Over the last few months, I have met a few people that are one brain cell failure of being a total mouth breather. Much to my surprise, these people were in the AIR FORCE. I thought to myself “either the Air Force is desparate or they really don’t want coloreds in there.” I believe it is an amalgam of the two. However, if I had to choose (which for the time being I do) I guess I would go Air Force, too. If I were to rank the Branches of Military to go to right now, I guess this would be the order.

1. Air Force: Why the Air Force? Because all they do is launch missles and stay as far away from the enemy as possible. Sure they fly a few planes but I can do that shit. I OWN the Ace Combat series. Also the laziest branch as they seem to use computers for EVERYTHING, including wiping their own ass. However, the Air Force is pretty damn ballin. I mean, they have their own shoe:

I mean, you can’t go wrong with Nelly as your spokesman for your branch of service. And letus not forget about Harrison Ford in AIR FORCE One. Harrison Ford trumps out Richard Gere and Tom Cruise. Add in Louis Gossett Jr. and the Air Force is the place to be. Like a Diddy White Party.
2. Navy: Now the Navy should be number one (At the lowest 1A) being as they attack from the sea and Arabs and Krauts can’t swim. That and they have their own kickass DDR song:

What does the Air Force have? That song from “Greatest American Hero?” Cool, but not DDR cool. However, Top Gun” kind of kills the momentum that song (And “An Officer And A Gentleman”) creates. I’m sorry, that movie is GAY and if you like that movie you are “TEH GAY” because that movie is the gayest gay that ever gayed a gay in Gaytown, Gayvania. Take it from a guy that digs showtunes, I KNOW gay. And Navy, you gay boy!
3. GI Joe: Yes, the body massage machines (Fensler Film, fools! WHAT?!) are third. Albeit fictional, they had a ninja, a Black, an eskimo (I think. He wore the uniform of an eskimo), an asian, like three women (They can do stuff now!) a dog and a parrot. A fucking parrot! How many parrots do you see in the Navy? ! NONE! Which is lame, because if the Navy just knuckled up became pirates I would join right now. Singing and dancing while pilliageing and looting? I was BORN FOR THAT. However, GI Joe ranks #3 because….did they ever hit ANYONE? I mean these fuckers were the biggest waste of government funding ever. Their ammo bill was astronomical.
4. Army: Yeah, I went there. Have you seen the new crop of our “Army of One?” They look like bros that only experience with guns is playing Halo 2 on multi-player. I’m not hating, I am just telling the truth. The army has a few good things going for it like…exotic locals the first five months you are enlisted. I mean, if you like sand and lots of it. Hell, the best recruitment video they have is actually a NAVY recruitment video:

Well, I guess the Army does most of the prisoner beating and that’s always cool. Oh, Liquid and Solid Snake were both Green Berets! That’s pretty bad ass! But….M*A*S*H sucked. But Hogan’s Heroes ruled! See, it’s quite the dilemma. However, if you have your choice go with one of the other three. If not, be sure to get locked in a Nazi camp. Laughs and adventure await you at Stalag 13!
5. Marines: First off, I don’t mean the Space Marines like in the Halo Series. If that really existed…I would join in an instant and be Master Chief’s BITCH because he may be the baddest mofo on the planet not named Samuel L. Jackson. However, the real Marines get put in fucked up situations. Usually with only a McGyver kit sans the cool 80’s soundtrack. It takes a certain kind of person to be a Marine. Usually a few knives short of a cutlery set if you get my drift.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the Armed Forces. I grew up a fricking Military Brat so you know how I roll. But the next generation of troops look like Bro Fest ’07. Don’t ask don’t tell works, but not if your troops are drinking scotch in the foxholes and blaring Jack Johnson on the way through Baghdad. At least hip hop can be threatening. No insurgent is going to be afraid of “The Space Between”. Which is where the Bro Troops will invade. I’m sorry, I tried to fight it but I couldn’t. I’m sorry. Needless to say, the Air Force (and Navy as long as you don’t call yourself “Goose” or “Maverick”) is the way to go. Too bad it has become like a Colorado Springs club and they let just anyone in for the most part. PULL UP YOUR GOD DAMN PANTS, BLACK PEOPLE! Oh, and white dudes…IRON YOUR FUCKING SHIRT! Women…you know how I feel.

I will try to have a post up the middle of this week (odds are Wednesday, maybe Tuesday if I get my head straight) as I know I have been neglecting the peeps. Especially the Blogger peeps, because you guys have been down with the Chachi since day one in 2006. Until next time, I will be chasing sunsets. Because one of lifes simple joys…

…is playing with the boys.

Chachi out, sailor!

I Never Thought I Would Say This, But....GO ROCKIES!!

It’s the first (well, second) Friday of fall and it is a brisk October day! The leaves are changing, but one thing never changes. That is the….

Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin this week with a long awaited debut…

20. NaNa – Movin’ On

Okay, I am finally going to admit it. This is my new favorite song. Yeah, I even got the stare from some people in Denver yesterday like “Hey that’s pretty cool….what the fuck language is that?!” which I have gotten used to, actually. I don’t care, this song is awesome! And the video has even more funky fresh dance moves than any other video on the Countdown! The outfits are…special but hey, nothing wrong with being a trendsetter. Just like David Bowie.
19. Tenjo Chiki (TSZX) – Pirhrana (Last Week #16)
Boooo. I needs me some more TSZX stat. Anyone know what is up with the name? I mean are they like DSBK or whatever those dudes are with like seven names and none of them make sense? Eh, either way. Tenjo Chiki are HAWT and I needs me some more.
18. Paramore – Misery Business (Last Week #20)
So Paramore moves up two spots this week. You know, rock has been on a steady decline recently but things are looking up. They better with hip hop making a comeback and J-Pop bring out the big guns this fall. With only two somewhat rockish songs (Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over” in Feburary and L’Arc~en~Ciel’s “SEVENTH HEAVEN” ) to hit #1 ever, rock needs to make an impact in 2008.
17. Chamillionare – Hip Hop Police (Last Week #14)
So after a breif stint in the Top 10, Cham falls three more spots this week and looks to be falling out of the Countdown. He is working on a video for “Industry Groupie” which should be hilarious and ironi c, moreso than Game’s “Wouldn’t Get Far”. Good stuff.
16. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #10, One week at #1)

Kanye is still beating 50 Cent! Sue me, I really don’t like Fiddy’s music and it show at least the Ruben Studdard Theory works. You know, eliminating an electoral college, a real winner can be chosen. It’s in The Boondocks…read it.
15. Yui - Jam (Last Week #17)
Live performances aplenty! Yui is all over the place over the last two weeks, giving me even more reason to love her so. My god, I have said it once and I will say it again. A woman that plays acoustic guitar is fucking HAWT. Meanwhile, a dude that plays acoustic guitar is FUCKING GAY. Double standard I will admit.
14. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #12, Seven weeks at #1)
Well, arguably the biggest video of 2007 falls another two spots this week and with no new video in sight, UGK’s bid for the Artist of the Year Chachi is in doubt. One huge video a year does not make. With artist like Yui and John Legend having multiple number one videos. They seem to be the front runners right now. But, we will see. An announcement about the Chachi’s soon!
13. L`Arc~en~Ciel – My Heart Dreams A Dream (Last Week #15)
Mo’ Hyde, no’ problem. The boys move up two more spots with this wild safari video and look to make it to the Top 10 once again in 2007. I totally hope this signals a new album soon, unlike Namie Amuro. The gap between “Cant’ Eat, Can’t Sleep, I’m Sick” and the release of “Play” was fucking asinine. Hell, I think it was a damn year. If I have to wait for Hyde that long, HEADS WILL ROLL! Believe it! Now….for a record breaking event.
12. Alicia Keys – No One (New Entry) [Highest Debut Ever]

Not since Home Made Kazoku has an artist had a video debut this high on the Countdown! However, if anyone is worthy, it is the fine ass Alicia Keys. It has been a while since she has had a video and now that she does…I am tres happy. I am all about this song and this video is simple but she is damn fine so it doesn’t matter. Let’s see what she can do her first time out!
11. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #8)
One step from the Top 10 and we have the front-runner for the Best New Artist! ABS has been dominant, although TM has been kicking ass for years. This video falls from the Top 10, but with an album reportedly coming soon, I will soon have my fix. We have made it to the top half!
10. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #13)
We begin the Top 10 with a familiar face! This is Kanye’s 4th Top 10 video this year and he also is a front-runner for an Artist of the Year nod! I really….really don’t think T-Pain can sing but it is more about the video and the lyricism of Kanye in this one. That and that woman is damn fine. Except for the massive mammaries, I am NOT A FAN. I likes the bootay!
9. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (Last Week #6)
Okay, I am going to say it right here and right now. UVERworld…is slipping. WAIT! Don’t get me wrong, they still rock the box. Just nowhere near as hard. I mean compare “Timeless” to “BUGRIGHT” and there is no contest. I hope their third album picks up the pace!
8. Common feat Lily Allen – Driving Me Wild (Last Week #11)

Common has his second Top 10 video of 2007 and all I can say is it is well deserved. Common has been holding hip hop up for years and he is only now (since “Be”) getting his due. While “Finding Forever” isnt his best work, it is a great album in its own right. This song is actually one of the better hip hop videos out and I rarely see it, which is to be expected. I bet you somewhere they are playing 50 Cent’s “I Get Money” though. Fuck.
7. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #9)
More Yui! I know I say that a lot, but the only bad thing that came from too much Yui is not being able to look at anything else. I like this video a little more than “Jam” (although I like the song more than this one) which is why it is higher this week. Like it matters, she could be fine as hell covering “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton. Oh my god…I just filled the cup.
6. Soulja Boy – Crank That [Soulja Boy] (Last Week #7)
Some one tell Soulja Boy he is almost in the Top Five! His album came out this week and I MAY buy it. Not going to lie, for some reason I am totally digging his stuff. Now go ahead and crank that while we move into the Top Five!
5. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #3)
John Legend falls two more spots this week as his latest video tumbles this week. This is the first video from John that didn’t take top spot, so this is major! Even still, it has been a great year for Mr. Legend.
4. Sowelu, EXILE & DOBERMAN INC – 24 Karat (Last Week #5)

Yum-tastic! Sowelu leads EXILE and DOBERMAN INC one step closer to the top spot! After a pretty good year for EXILE and a slow one for Sowelu, I think that 2008 will give us big things from both of them. Oh, and this video is hot. Sowelu and mancake? You cant beat that with a baseball bat. FAST AND FURIOUUUUUS! I had to, I’m sorry.
3. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #4)

We beging the top three with a familiar face….that hasn’t been here in a while. Nelyy Furtado has her 4th straight Top 3 video and hopes to get her second number one. I will say that this is probably my third favorite song on the album, behind “Say It Right” and “What I Wanted” because…well I was a punk ass bitch in 2006. That’s how I came up with the name “Passion of Chachi”. Because I went through more than Jesus. And I didn’t get a “Me-complex” at all.
2. Aqua Timez - Alones (Last Week #1, Four weeks at #1)
The champ has fallen! After a full month at the top, Aqua Timez falls to the runner up spot with this video! It has been a great run for Aqua Timez after taking the top spot from Kanye Wst a month ago. Not only that, Bleach is getting ready to ROCK YOUR FUCKING FACE! Trust me, it will. With “Alones” at number two, that means we have a NEW NUMBER ONE VIDEO!
1. Mihimaru GT – Gazen Yeah! (Last Week #2, One week at #1)

Say hello to the new Queen of the Countdown! Sexy ass Hiroko and her compatriot Miyake pull their first number one video ever! Anyone that knows me knows that I love this video and it was bound to get here at some point. If you don’t like this song then…well there is nothing I can do for you because this video and song is bad ass! Congrats!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Mihimaru GT can spend a second week on top! Or will Aqua Timez take back the top spot UGK style? Look out for Nelly Furtado! The action is mindblowing and to not be here on Friday is verboten! See you next Friday!

Chachi Out.

Can I Get A Whoo-Hah Friday?! Eh, F**k It.

It’s Friday, people! Big day today (and a LONG day) so we got to get today started right! So here is this weeks installment of…

Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!

We begin with a punkish rock debut!

20. Paramore – Misery Business (New Entry)

Well, this is a song I have been listening to for a while and just saw the video on MTV Hits (WHAT?! MTV PLAYS VIDEOS! POPPYCOCK!) and it was pretty bad ass. While nowhere near Maximum The Hormone or Mastedon levels of thrash, this song holds it own. Nice to see some new blood in the Top 20, too.
19. AI – Brand New Day (Last Week # 17)
From new blood to a veteran of the Countdown. AI has a #1 video to her credit in 2006 but this video fell short of the Top Five about a month ago. Since then, it has been in a steady decline. Let’s hope for some new stuff soon! I miss the Japanese Missy Elliott!
18. Hearts Grow - Mimawari (Last Week #15)
Another video that looks to be on its way out. Hearts Grow came close to taking the top spot, falling short against the juggernaught that was UGK and Outkast. Even still, it has been a great run and actually made me watch an episode of Powerpuff Girls Z. Oh….it sucked.
17. Yui - Jam (Last Week #19)
I just got the live performance of this song and all I can say is…Yui is hawt. I mean seriously. Something about a woman in a hoodie screams street saavy and sexy at the same time. Hells yeah.
16. Tenjo Chiki (TSZX) – Pirhrana (Last Week #14)

The sexy ladies of TSZX fall two more places this week. Is there a chance I can find a live performance of this song somewhere? That would totally make my 2007. Oh, and where is the album from you all?! I needs me some sexy K-Pop action since BoA wont give me what I want.
15. L`Arc~en~Ciel – My Heart Dreams A Dream (Last Week #18)
Can Hyde and Co. make it two for two? They make the attempt to as their latest video moves up three big spots! I am excited as hell. New L’Arc~en~Ciel, new Aqua Timez and (hopefully) new LM.C coming soon! The rockingest year since Scorpions told us here they are, and they subsequently rocked us like a hurricane.
14. Chamillionare – Hip Hop Police (Last Week #11)
Chamillionare continues his move down as he falls three more spots this week. His curse and n-word free album didn’t do BAD in its first week, but nowhere near Kanye West or Kumi Koda numbers It’s a shame, it is actually pretty good.
13. Kanye West feat. T-Pain - GoodLife (Last Week #16)

Speaking of Kanye, he moves up three more spots this week with his latest video. Too bad he is carrying the Predalope along with him. You know, T-Pain has invaded the new Chris Brown video which I think is BAD ASS but…it has the Pain in it. So odds are we will never see it on here.
12. UGK feat. Outkast – International Players Anthem (Last Week #10, Seven weeks at #1)
After a long reign in the upper regions of the Countdown, UGK and Outkast fall from the Top Ten for the first time since…April? May? It has been so long I have forgotten. Now THAT’S big pimpin. Also, where in the hell is the follow up single?! This video may be the biggest hip hop video of 2007 and they don’t have a second one? LAME!
11. Common feat Lily Allen – Driving Me Wild (Last Week #13)
Common is on the verge of having his second Top ten video of 2007 with this one. I like this video and song even more than I liked “The People”. It is also cool to see Common finally get some mainstream respect with his last two albums debuting at #1. Big ups to J-Dilla. Now, we have made the Top Ten!
10. Kanye West feat. Daft Punk – Stronger (Last Week #8, One week at #1)
Kanye falls two spots this week after a short stint at #1 with this video. He finishes ahead of 50 Cent ONCE AGAIN this week on the charts, albeit at number two instead of number one. Say what you will about his dumb ass actions, the music is scandal proof! Unlike R. Kelly.
9. Yui – Love & Truth (Last Week #12)

MORE YUI! Yui has her FOURTH TOP TEN VIDEO OF 2007! With another video moving up, Yui may just be the Artist of the Year. A badass album, two great new singles since then and five videos in a calander year. John Legend and UGK better watch their back.
8. Abingdon Boys School – Nephilim (Last Week #4)
Okay, I am beginning to get pissed off. Where in the hell is my Abingdon Boys School album?! Three badass videos and no album to show for it?! Shenanighans! Just for that, their latest video falls four spots this week. Don’t mess with me. Omarion learned, Bi learned and now you will.
7. Soulja Boy – Crank That [Soulja Boy] (Last Week #9)
Soulja Boy tell ‘em! This video makes a two spot leap this week as he attempts to be the youngest person to have a video in the Top Five. Well, some members of Hearts Grow are under 16 but not all. Oh, and Hinoi Team only made it to number six last year before bowing out. Crank that Robocop, peeps!
6. UVERworld - Shaka Beach~Laka Laka La~ (Last Week #3)
UVERworld falls short of the top spot it seems. The guys fall three spots this week with their newest video. I just don’t get the same feeling off of this song and video like I got from Chance or SHAMROCK. Still good stuff, but I like the old work better.
5. Sowelu, EXILE & DOBERMAN INC – 24 Karat (Last Week #6)
W00T! Sowelu and EXILE in the Top Five! The hawtness of the ‘Lu and the badassed….ness of EXILE has combined to create a monster video! They move up one spot this week as they look to tangle with the veterans. Can they hold their own? We will see!
4. Nelly Furtado – Do It (Last Week #5)
Nelly Furtado moves up one spot this week and closer to her second number one video! With her album being over a year old, it is weird that there has been no word of a new single or new work. Seeing as how there are at least two more quality singles off this album, I don’t think she will be back in the studio for a while. Booo…
3. John Legend – Stereo (Last Week #2)

UPSET SPECIAL! John Legend failed to unseat Aqua Timez from the top spot! After knocking off UVERworld, Nelly Furtado and Daughtry to get his first three #1 videos, this is kind of a shocker. Even still, he is The Legend. So who is Number One?
2. Mihimaru GT – Gazen Yeah! (Last Week #7, Biggest Mover)

Aw, snap! Mihimaru GT is looking to run this thing on their first time out! They move up and huge five spots to the runner up position. This is officially my second favorite song right now (Behind NaNa’s “Movin On” which is J-pop goodness) and the video is great. The live performance is where the song (and the band) shines as between this and Punkish they are my favorite live performers not named Yui. Well, it looks like the number one video remains the same…
1. Aqua Timez - Alones (Last Week #1, Four weeks at #1)

The champ is STILL HERE! After a month, Aqua Times still holds the throne! This ties them with nobodyknows+ and John Legend for the second longest reigns of 2007. Pretty good stuff, and they have a new single coming soon which means MORE AQUA TIMEZ! Add in the fact that they are FINALLY going to the fireworks factory in Bleach and this will be the best fall ever!

Well, that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if Aqua Timez can make it five weeks at the top! Or will Mihimaru be the second duo to take the throne? Or can John Legend turn it around and get his fourth number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!

And be sure to see “Feel The Noise” at your local movie house next Friday! Until then, take it easy.

Chachi Out!

God....PETA Really Sucks It Dry.

First off, TWO UPDATES IN ONE DAY!! W00T!!! We are bored, Err. Big day tomorrow and Friday! Hopefully things go well and the ballin can commence!

So Carl's Jr and Hardees (The classiest of fast food establishments) have decided to use pork and eggs from animals not cruely confined. Um...call me Ishmail but does it really fucking matter what KIND OF CAGES ANIMALS ARE KEPT IN WHEN THEY ARE GOING IN PEOPLES BELLIES ANY-FUCKING-WAY?! I mean...come the hell on! I love animals (In the healthy way. Except for collies because they are HAWT) and think cruelty isnt cool unless you are Michael Vick. Then it is awesome. The fact is these animals arent being taken to see "Homeward Bound" they are GOING TO BE EATEN.

I can see these rules for pet stores and sex shops, but not for a place where the animals are being set up for consumption. It just seems....expensive. It doesnt make my breakfast sandwich taste ANY BETTER if the chicken was kept in a pen with wire doors. Especially when I am having that chickens embryo fried up on a Sourdough Club Breakfast Sandwich. Now that is good eatin! PETA needs to shut the fuck up. I am for the ethical treatment of animals, just not for my breakfast. Beaten animals make for tender meat! Its science!

I am KIDDING.

Geez, grow a set and get some surgery on that funny bone of yours. Oh, and Michael Vick's new name is "Towelie" Sad. just sad. Besides, cats OWN dogs. Even from the cradle:

Cats rule, dogs drool. Doesnt make up for Vick being a fucktard, though.

On another note....COMCAST STILL FUCKING SUCKS. Internet just crashed. Fuck them in their stupid heads. I mean STILL fuck them in their stupid heads.

Because No One Demanded It....

So "Feel The Noise" finally has a trailer and....I really want to see this. Puerto Rico STAND UP:

It's like "You Got Served" meets "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" with the reggaeton flavor! Toss in some "Step Up" and "8 Mile" and you have the sexy, hip hop dance hit of the fall movie season! Oh, and I LOVES ME SOME of Kat DeLuna. F2T hawtness right there. I will see YOU at the theater!

One last thing, a post up on Saturday or Sunday (Not counting the Video Countdown. It has to be before my first day at work and after the busy next two days I have) but first I have an announcement. Even though Pirates vs. Ninjas: Attack on Zombie Island (and its sequel, Escape from Dragon Fjord) fell through despite the efforts of Zach and Ted (thanks for the work, btw) I have decided to record my first song since the Grammy winning “CON-PHUNK-TAY-SHUN” in 1997. So coming soon to a radio near you to celebrate my 10 year anniversary of the eight most important moment of my life...

Gimmie, Gimmie (Dat Cocoa Puff) featuring D-Rock! And T-Money Grizzle on the remix!

The Cocoa Puff will be the dance craze of 2008. It will make the Soulja Boy and the Spongebob look like the damn Tootsie Roll. And we all know, nuh-uh thats old. I will have it up soon once I have the staples...like lyrics. Got the hook set, though. Seeing as how Soulja Boy stole "Tha Spyderman" from David, I need to get on this soon before someone steals my idea. By the way, FUCK YOU SOULJA BOY! Dance stealing asshole. That is all for now. I have to drive to Pueblo for some god awful reason tomorrow and Denver AFTER THAT but thems the breaks if you want to be ballin. Besides, I have to bankroll my album somehow. Anyway, check out Code Monkeys:

Monkeys humping heads? Priceless. It’s the only good show on G4, minus the Olivia Munn show. Not sure what it is called, but I love her. Until Friday, peace out

Chachi Out.

YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE! PRESS "A"!

Okay, alright. I’m sure if you are a gamer or not, you have seen Master Chief grace your TV screen, cell phone and dreams as Microsoft attempts to mentally rape us into wanting Halo 3:

First off, let me state this before all you bros and Halo nerds lose your shit. I own all three Halo games. I played through Halo and played Halo 2 abouyt 4 hours in before I got fucking bored with it. The first game was good but the second, no matter how pretty and explosion filled (Shit, sounds like a good porn. ZING!) the game was above average, not the greatest game of all time like everyone hailed it. Three words: God of War. Or Resident Evil 4. Fuck you, that game plays CIRCLES around Halo 2. Anyway, I just played Halo 3 at David’s house (And his limited edition version wasn’t scratched. Lucky him) and all I can say in the about three hours I had hands on with the game….

ITS OKAY.

I hated the barrage of clips and commercials for Halo 3 because I knew it was going to be more of the fucking same. Bungie is like EA Games with Madden. Repackage, add some moreplayers and modes and presto brand new game. At least Madden still has Michael Vick, who is scary than Master Chief…to dogs at least. What, too soon? Anyway, with all the hype and press about this game (Including G4 covering the launch like there were only seven available but there are more Halo 3 games than assault weapons in Cambodia) I know everyone is going to look at it and go “THAT DEM DARE CHUPACABRA DONE WENT AND GONE BOOM!” so my words are on deaf ears. But I for one am sick of hype for three games a year (Usually Halo, a Final Fantasy game and Madden) and all three are disappointing, save for the occasional Final Fantasy. Now I am not saying Halo 3 is BAD, I am saying I am sick of the hype. From the Mountain Dew to the refinancing of home loans, Halo 3 was EVERYWHERE and for no real good reason. It is on another planet, you are trying to tell me people drink Halo on fucking Venus? Bullshit. Tie ins are good if they are relevant, but in this case it actually made me not want to get my pre-order.

Overall, Halo 3 is a 7 out of 10. I know it will get perfect score everywhere because Microsoft owns everyones soul but it would be unwarranted. God of War II, Metroid (Wii) and BioShock are better games and a lot less hyped/annoying. Expect to see Halo 3 everywhere until Christmas, expect to see about 4 Oscar nods and at least 300 kids named Master Chief. God…I’m gonna go play Resident Evil 4. Zombies are coming up the hill right now!

Chachi Out.

It's a Wonderlic Life...Again.

So I took a full Wonderlic test (for those that dont know, it is a supposed aptitude and intelligence test) for two different interviews this week. You know the one that they give NFL players and weight by giving them points for putting their name on it? Yeah, that one. After taking these tests, I realized something:

I AM TOTALLY UNDERUSED

I mean if this test means jack shit (Which I don’t fully believe it does. I put very little stock in it but seeing as how I have taken it no less than seven times companies must) but once again, I did pretty good. I ranted about this about a year and a half ago before I started working at Qwest. I was pissed because I was told I was OVER-FUCKING-QUALIFIED because I got a 42 on the Wonderlic test (The max is a 50 so judge for yourself) and aced the other portions. That and they told me the pay and once again I slipped up and said “What am I, homeless?” and I REALLY need to not do that. I got a 40 yesterday and a 37 today (It was 9am. Sue me) and the recruiter looked at me like I was some sort of freak. Is being unable to take a test the norm?

My main issue is the fact that this test shows nothing. The questions relate to jackshit about anything any job I have ever done actually requires. Also add in the fact that I usually skip and/or guess all the questions that have to do with math and you see this test is utterly and completely worthless. I mean seriously; I ace all of the non-math questions and skip or BS the math questions and I get higher than the average score for a fucking CHEMIST?! Even worse is that adding this up with my IQ (which ranged from 127-137 when I took the tests from High School to college) my total Intelligence Quotient, or IQ totals up to a score of 146, which is supposedly “Highly Gifted” (BULLSHIT! I can barely tie my shoes!). Now that mean that I am pretty much able to read directions and not shoot myself in the face but still. There are people that do that all the time and make more than I do or ever have. To that I say bullshit.

If people were given jobs and paid based on their IQ, the workforce would be screwed up. I mean look at the fact that I have friends with degrees working at Best Buy and Comcast and are making the same as people that are marginal in intelligence and are only qualified for wiping their own ass (which they still do marginally). Last I checked, Communism is bad. So why pay all people the same when their qualifications are not? Peyton Manning makes more than Vince Young (I believe) because he is GOOD. Paying all players the same defeats the want to achieve because you know that no matter how hard you work and no matter how smart you are you will still make the same amount as those that can’t find South Carolina on a map. I know South Carolina sucks but you get the idea.

I just had to get that out. Seeing as how standardized testing got me shit and all a college degree has gotten me is a nifity tassle to hang my NDK passes on, my anger is a tad bit high. But it is what it is. Time to kick it old school!

Anyone remember that one? Worst song ever! Peace out, ya’ll!

Chachi Out