Hip Hop, You Don't Stop!

Hey, ya’ll! I gues I am back on the scene today because I missed you all so. That and I am bored as all hell for a little while. With that being said, it is time for a little review! It has been a while since I have done one so here goes…

Master Chief Chachi Goes Small Screen!

This week: Vh1’s Hip Hop Honors 2007!

Well, first things first. I am totally hip hop. Just because I don’t like the new stuff doesn’t mean I aitn old school. What qualifies me as old school?

1. I own all three “Breakin” movies. Yes, all THREE. I even have the only released in Belarus “Breakin 3: Pop-N-Lock Brigaide” when Turbo and Ozone go to save their old breakdancing buddy from a war camp in Cambodia using only their funky fresh dance moves. It was fresh!
2. I’ve been involved in a hip hop beef. Its true, in 1988 I hit Mos Def in the head with a St. Ides bottle at a club in Hartford. We sent dis tracks at eachother, but we made up in 1990. We even released a peace track called “Niggas, Stop Being Niggas!”. Needless to say, it was well before its time.
3. I got shot. Really, in 1999 while I was getting a jug of juice of Wal-Mart. The shooter was linked to Snoop Dogg but nothing ever came of it because....no one solves rap shootings.
4. Supahead knows me. We met once at a Mall in Vegas. Well, by met I mean saw her from about a block away but still, more than most people can say. Sadly, we never had the sex because as you know, I havent had consensual sex with a woman without money involved. I’m sure Kristale hated every minute of it.

So those are my credentials. Let’s begin with the review!

Honoree #1: Missy Elliott

You know, no issues here. I have been a fan of Missy since the “hee-hee-hee-hee-how” and think that as far as creativity goes, male or female she is up there. Keep in mind aside from MC Lyte, female MC’s are lacking IMHO but still. The performances were OKAY as Tweet (who I thought fell off the face of the Earth) and Timbaland performed “The Rain” while Eve, Keisha Cole, Ciara and Nelly Furtado performed a sexy, sexy melody of Missy’s other hits including one that gets looked over in the “Hot Boyz Remix”. One of Eve’s best verses. Overall, the tribute was good and the nomination was well deserved, albeit maybe about two years too early. Either way, it was good stuff. Oh, and they had FATMAN SCOOP! BEND OVER! CHECK THE MAIL! GET LOOSE! PAY YOUR TAXES! COMTROL THE ANIMAL POPULATION! WHAT WHAT!

7 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (Real simple stuff, which made it good. Replace Tweet with someone….anyone else and this gets an 8)

Honoree #2: Teddy Riley and New jack Swing

FUCK YES! IT IS ABOUT FUCKING TIME HE GOT HIS DUE! I will be the first to say I was all about Guy, Blackstreet and (despite what I would say to Jen at The Q) Keith Sweat in the 80’s and 90’s. All of them had production and work done by Teddy Riley and Andre Harrell. If you liked “No Diggity” or “Rump Shaker” that was New Jack Swing. Hell, all hip hop from 1998-2001 was just ripped off of New Jack Swing any-damn-way! Ja Rule, Next, Dru Hill, Nelly and the rest of ya’ll need to give this man 25% of your fucking money. Now I was glad about the nomination but….T-PAIN PERFORMING KEITH SWEAT?! Now I have said some mean things about Keif but…T-FUCKING-PAIN?! The man RUINED that song since he didn’t have the Audiovox or whatever that thing he stole from Roger Troutman is called. I was pissed (also with his half assed dancing) by that, but having Ne-Yo perform “Remember The Time” was just….wow that was mindumbing. After that I was fed up so I stopped caring.

9 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (For the NOMINATION. The performance gets 4 out of 10 because at least they tried. New Jack Swing changed the face of R&B in the last 80’s to early 90’s and this is well deserved. If you think not, they take your chain and rims and stick them up your ass. Fuck you, you don’t know music)

Honoree #3: Wild Style

Okay, I will admit something. I havent seen this movie for almost TWENTY FUCKING YEARS. I apologize, my hip-hop cred is deminished. However, I have been listening to the soundtrack for the better part of 15 years so when they had the performance ofDoug E. Fresh, Busy Bee, Grandmaster Caz, KRS-One and Grand Wizard Theo I nearly lost my shit. It is comfortably in a septic tank somewhere. This movie (Along with Krush Groove, Beat Street and yes, Breakin) helped mold breakdancing into pop culture and this is a nod well deserved since mainstream media wont recognize it’s impact. My god, breakdancing rules your face. I swear, they dancing was bad ass and the freestyles (at least I think they were top of head. If so, it was TIGHT BANGIN!) made this the best performance since Big Daddy Kane and The Roots. Let us not forget the backfilp. But overall, this is the best performance of the night so far.

10 B-Boy Stances Out of 10 (I love old school hip hop so this was almost tear-worthy. The historical cinematic and musical relevance of this movie goes up there with the greats. Not only that, the performance itself was GREAT! I mean seriously, the best performance on an award show in YEARS, no lie. Overall, a relevant nod and a great tribute)

Honoree #4: Whodini

Good god, can this get any better?! If there was any core of songs that got people either dancing or nodding, it would have to be Whodini. I mean of rap groups in terms of influence, you have to put them up there with the NWA’s and the Run-DMC’s of him-hop if fir nothing else then the taking of their lines and style. One thing that got me about Whodini was the production. The beats were never busy (Ahem….The Neptunes), repetitive (Ahem….Timbaland) or just plain too simple (AHHEEEEMMM! Lil Jon). They were just right, just like Whodini. If you don’t like Whodini, you rape collies. There, I said it. You hate Whodini, you love to sex up Lassie. Man, beastiality comes up on the blog WAY TOO OFTEN. Anyway…the performance was where I got a tad bit pissed. And by a tad bit I mean borderline livid. NICK CANNON AND NELLY?! Could they have picked a better combo to make me want to shoot up the building?! Who in the hell let Nick Cannon’s non-rapping ass in the building anyway?! Gaaaaawd. As for Nelly…he didn’t do BAD, which was shocking. As for Jermaine Dupri performing “5 Minutes of Funk” (My favorite song by Whodini, BTW)….it was bad ass. I never really had anything against JD. Overall, the nomination was about TWO YEARS OVERFUCKING DUE (I’m saying it now, Whodini should have been in before the Wu-Tang Clan) but it was well worth it. Despite Nick Cannon.

9 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (FUCK NICK CANNON. Aside from that, it was AWESOME. Worth the nod, albeit late and the performances were great. Even Nelly. Oh, and the old school dance part at the end….I almost cried. Do the wop for me one time!!!)

Honoree #5: Snoop Dogg

*Sigh* I am totally conflicted about this. Little known fact: I was all about Death Row in front of my friends but at home…I was listening to the Ranma ½ soundtracks and A Tribe Called Quest (more on them later). So I have nothing against Snoop aside from Soul Plane. And Bones. And The Wash. Wait….man, FUCK SNOOP! I’m kidding, they nominated Dre, they had to do Snoop. He changed the flow style (you could say Rakim was KIND OF close in style but not really) of rap and was overall just a stylistic force. Except for The Doggfather. Does anyone even OWN THAT ALBUM? Anyway, the performance was interesting. T.I. and B.G. opened it up with Deep Cover which was interesting as I figured either Game or Fat Joe (who “remade” it with Big Pun) would be better choices but the more T.I. the better. Pharrell did an AWESOME rendition of Nuthin But A G Thang if I say so myself. He had that leaned back flow DOWN. Could have dressed the part like T.I. did (He wore a fucking backpack. Come on, thugs don’t go to school!) but it was the second best of the night. They ended with Snoop and Bow Wow and I must say, I forgot Bow Wow was discovered by Snoop. Must have been awkward for Snoop to see his protégé broken up over some woman (Ciara, who was also there. Ooooohhhh, young drama!). Better call Bishop Don Juan! Closed legs don’t get fed, bitches! I kid, I kid. Overall, good stuff.

8 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (The whole thing kept an energy level that was laid back, much like Snoop himself. The nomination was about a year early but it is legit. The performances were by the numbers because Snoop really didn’t deviate from what works for the most part so it was what you would expect. Great, not awesome)

Honoree #6: A Tribe Called Quest (SAY THE WHOLE THING!)

Yes. YES. YES! OH MY GOD YES! Dare I say, it’s about time! I love me some Tribe (Although De La Soul should have been inducted at the same time, but still I aint gonna complain) and I will tell you this right now: “Midnight Maruders” stands up against any album released since Outkast’s Stankonia. Bring it, bitches. They were a great alternative to the West Coast rap scene and even to the New York rap which was mainly Onyx (Oy vey, never thought I would use THAT name) and a few others in the early and mid-90’s. I would put “Award Tour” and “Electric Relaxation” against any other rap song in terms of greatness. Hell, any song PERIOD. The performances were GREAT . From Pharrell (who fit in A LOT better in this performance), Common and Lupe Fiasco’s lyric forgetting ass:

Now I am not an uber-fan but I would have taken the time out to learn the lyrics! Yeeesh, no big deal. Also, it was great to see Busta Rhymes show up and yell his verse at the top of his lungs. Seriously, good stuff. Overall, this was overshadowed by the Whodini and Wild Style performances but A Tribe Called Quest’s influence on hip hop is undeniable for the most part. Well worthy of a nod this year.

9.5 B-Boy Stances out of 10 (Like I have to explain. IT’S THE TRIBE, YA’LL! Lupe’s minor blunder aside, it was a great tribute and a worthy entry. Besides, you cant beat having Common on TV)

Overall, I enjoyed this years show a little more than last years. Some of the performers were spotty (NICK CANNON) but aside from the initial shock of Missy Elliott and Snoop Dogg getting inducted so early, it was a great and relevant recognition of hip-hop achievement. What about Yo-Yo?!:

Hells yeah. Overall, if you catch the replay, check it out. Be forewarned: Nick Cannon will be on your TV screen. Make proper accomodations to turn the channel. Overall, I give the show

8.5 B-Boy Stances out of 10!

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back tomorrow but until then, learn to play some ping pong:

You are totally ready for the next big rave! If you excuse me, it is time to wash the laundry. If you watched the movie, you’ll understand.

Chachi Out!