Speaking of hitting that, I have something dear to my heart that I would like to talk about. Porn. Now before you get all disgusted, hear me out. Now a few of you know that I do partake in a bit of the erotic cinema every now and then. I constantly hear about how porn is bad and ruins relationships and let me tell you something. It can. IF YOU LET IT! I was hearing people discuss how porn was all evil at work (My class is 11 women and me. Just like womens studies all over again) and they were talking about how all men become warped by the videos and have to have sex like they do in the movies. Normally I would get all “shut up and here is why” but rather than argue about porn I just listened. And you know what? Women get porn completely wrong. At least in my view, which is the right view once I get drunk which I SO WILL BE IN A MINUTE.
I listened to them discuss this for about 20 minutes (through lunch for the most part) and all they focused on is how they do things in videos that are “wrong” and that they “wont do”. Now normally a dude would be all “if you did it, they wouldn’t watch!” but I really listened to their statements and realized something. I don’t WANT my woman to do what is in porn for the most part. Now in my few (and by few I mean three) real relationships with women, when sex came up they would ask me if I liked what was in porn and I would always answer “it depends”. They all said that was a cop-out and I wasn’t being honest with them. The truth is for me and I honestly believe a pretty sizable set of men that is the case. Hear me out on this one.
I will be honest with you, peeps. I watch porn. Not like I watch Death Note or Bleach, but I do watch it. You know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, face it. If more women did what Jasmine Byrne did, there would be fewer wars. Or in some cases MORE WARS because she does submission/domination stuff and that shit aint cool. I want to get down with a lady, not get beat the fuck up. That aint sexy. But back to my point. I will never say that porn is completely healthy in massive doses. I mean ask Zach and Ted how much smut I had back in the day and they will tell you. It was a fucking lot, literally. You know what, I’m not ashamed. It was several gigs. Go ahead and judge me if you want, but I was a lot less of an asshole and nowhere near as jaded or bitter. You know why? I was able to rub one out to a new movie whenever I needed. It was like a different girlfriend every night! However, when I had a girlfriend I never watched it. Mainly because I didn’t need the shit when she found it (which happened and was the FUNNIEST ARGUMENT EVER. Get me a Tuaca Bomb and I will tell you about it) but also because I had no need to watch it. I had someone to be with. Although I never made the trip down south in the way I wanted (YAHTZEE!) it was all good.
Back to the grind (ZING!), though. I never watched porn because I wanted my girlfriend to do what was in the video or wanted to do what was in there to her. I mean, anal sex is painful for both parties (Another Tuaca Bomb, another story. I wanna get TOE UP!) and that is a staple of porn. Not only because that’s what has to happen to most womens asses (i.e.: DVDA)but because for some reason, that seems to be what men want. Porn is about money, plain and simple. All things are from religion to frozen pizza. Both are about as healthy and worthless as eachother. Women think that men watch porn because their fantasies arent being fulfilled and some of that is true. However, porn is exactly that: fantasy. It is an escape. The reason I watch it is because sometimes, I don’t WANT to do that to you but I am curious about it. I mean, I have seen a bukakke video but I have never, AND I MEAN NEVER wanted to engage in that. I wouldn’t wish that on my most hated female enemies and there are two that REALLY COME CLOSE that I don’t even wish that on. The fact is that porn isnt bad if watched in moderation. If you are weak enough to let yourself think that you have to watch porn to get it up or that you wife (or husband) has to “work it like a pornstar” in both looks and actions then YES it is bad. If that is happening to you, your concern shouldn’t be porn as much as it should be common sense.
While we are on the subject, there is a misconcetpion about pornstars being stupid whores. Well, first off they get paid (WELL) to fuck dudes while 9 times out of 10 women have done the same thing with the same amount of men and only got a free drink and a lifetime of regret/self-esteem issues out of it. NOW who is the whore? BURN! Secondly, as long as you are comfortable with what you do then there shouldn’t be a problem. While a lot of women in porn may hate it, its just like any job. If you don’t like it, find something else to do. Pornstars are entertainers and dammit, they do a good job of it. I have seen pornstars that don’t entertain (Nikki Benz, I am looking at you) while there are some that are just GRRRRRREAT
(Nautica Thorn…hells yeah) and deserve all the credit for being troopers that they get. Just like wrestlers and football players, they are perfectionists in their craft and I salute you wholeheartedly. You have gotten me through many a tough time and broken hearts. Because of you, I know that not all women are out to hurt me. I know….that I can believe in life after love:
Yes, Cher. Another reason that I like porn so much is that I may be gay. I mean, CHER?! I have issues. Anyway, back on my original point of women being wrong about porn. I understand you r concern and anger. I feel the same way when women say a “bro” is hot with his frayed vintage polo, khaki shorts and fresh out of bed hair. Oh, and his spray-tan of Axe body spray to boot. When you say that pornstars are an unachievable form of beauty…um…have you seen porn? Pornstars have acne and scars, just like you. No one is perfect, sans Yuna Ito:
And if she ever does porn, I will kill EVERYONE. The fact is that pornstars are regular women that just do really….REALLY kinky things on camera for money sometimes. Remember, some women do that shit for FREE. No one MAKES them sit there and get jizzed on. When I see sperm coming…I fucking kill someone because that’s not how I roll. Like I mentioned before, these women are PROFESSIONALS. They know what they are doing and rookies shouldn’t do it. Its how women wear patches and need ice packs for their asses. Men, that goes for you too. If it looks like you need a manual and wet naps, then get a fucking manual and wet naps. Winging shit is how babies are made and break-ups begin. Another Tuaca Bomb, another story.
Porn isn’t (and shouldn’t be) the only way you see sexual contact. If it is, that IS a problem and can put women in a view of being nothing more than an object. I can understand that. However, if a man sees you as a sex object that he can try his fantasies out on...so what? Relationships are give and take. If your man watching massive amounts of porn bothers you because he is beginning to treat you like the movies and wants to stick it in all seven holes rather than they tried and true three (Fine, two. But I get to pick which two! Its called being spontaneous and women love that!) then let him know. If he balks at that, fuck him. Er...I mean don’t fuck him. He should respect that. On the other side, a man watching porn, just like (IMHO) a woman watching porn is actually healthy. Not only can it show you stuff you might like to do, it shows you stuff you may want to NEVER do. If used correctly, porn is a healthy escape and a way to get the fantasies out that you really don’t want you signifigant other to do, but you are curious about.
Lastly, for those of you that say porn ultimatly leads to things like the illegal stuff (I am not going to say because I don’t want any government agency on my ass. COINTELPRO and all). You need to either get off the slippery slope or fall off that bitch into a violent ass reaming. Those that will get into that were going to anyway. Softcore porn isnt fucking marijuana and if if IS like that for you, don’t watch it. I don’t fiend for my next high like Tyrone Biggums.
“I needs me some felching videos, nigga! I’ll suck yo dick!”
How about no? I will watch me some Ashley Blue, thank you very much.
She does a MUCH BETTER job at that than I will, and is as cute as a button! That…gives great mouth love. In closing, women need to get a grip about porn. Hell, getting a grip may make him not WATCH porn if you get my drift. I’m kidding! In all seriousness, porn is a great thing if watched in moderation and understood for what it is for: entertainment and stimulation. If you use that to build your views on women or dictate your sexual wants and habits then you are a fucktard and need to not watch. You are ruining for the rest of us. If you can enjoy porn for what it is for, then grab your joystick and get to work! Don’t take my word if you will enjoy it, check out these pornstars on your local internet!
Lela Starr (A little too skinny, but is a professional. Does great work)
Audrey Bitoni (Oh come on. She is fricking HAWT)
Maria Ozawa (I likes me some Asians. Tell’em, Rick! Yellow rice! God…I need to stop)
Jasmine Byrne (My all-time favorite!)
I try to help the masses. Well, that is all for now. I will be back on Friday for the Countdown but I will try to be up before then. I miss updating for you eleven or twelve readers. Until I return…read the archives. Cant a brotha have some repeats?! Just kidding, stay up ya’ll!
Chachi Out!
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