Clash of the Champions!

Lazy Sunday, peeps! The Chonic-WHAT-cles of Narnia! Ah, I still love that song. So, how goes it? I am feeling SHIT-TY. Yesterday afternoon I guess the flu hit me like a ton of bricks on my way to Denver. Decided to turn around and go to sleep and it ain’t much better today. However, I have to do something for the peeps. Yes, the peeps (all nine of you) come before my own health. Today is the beginning of the grandest battle in history! Today, the eve of President’s Day I give you the final brackets of the ultimate in asshole standoffs! I give to you…

THE 2ND ANNUAL TOM CRUSIE DOUCHEBRAWL 2007 SELECTION SHOW!!!

The votes have been tallied, the recommendations have been taken to heart and the cold medicine is SO KICKING IN! KEEEEEEWWWWT!

Behold, the final brackets!!

Now let’s have an in-depth look at the 2007 Brackets!

50 Cent Musicians Region

Favorite: #1 Bono
Lets face it. This was his bracket last year and Fiddy winning was actually kind of an upset. Yes, he helps the starving children but so does Sally Struthers. Although she then ate them. Despite the compition (Nelly, Emimem, Clay Aiken) this is Bono’s region to lose

Dark Horse: #4. R.Kelly
After coming in as a #4 seed, if R.Kelly can get past Snoop Dogg in the first round and then the Clay Aiken/James Blount winner that puts him odds are against Bono. If R.Kelly gets past him, he could make a run to the Championship!

Best First Round Matchup/UPSET ALERT!!: #2 Diddy vs. #15 Nickelback
This is intriguing. Like I said a week ago, a 15 seed over a 2 seed is almost a given in the NCAA’s due to variance and a week team. Diddy has been quite and don’t underestimate the hatred of Nickelback (which I never got. I hate Hinder more than I hate them but to each their own) because a win here could make them the Heather Graham of 2007!

Projected Winner: #1 Bono
Like I said, the matchup between Fiddy and Bono last year was the closest of all the Region Finals so this is Bono’s year to take the Douchebrawl Trophy home. Despite some tough competitors this year, Bono has it. Don’t count out Nelly, though!

George Lucas Acting Region

Favorite: #1 Mel Gibson
Mel was actually dominating the region until he ran into the Douche-saw that is Tom Cruise in his run to Douchebrawl immortality. Mel has had a truly douchy 12 months with the anti-Semitic rants and the shitty movie. Even still, after last years performance (which he led Tom until the last day of voting!) it is hard to go against him winning this region.

Dark Horse: #11 Russell Crowe
Barely missed out making it last year (seriously, he didn’t make it on because of a copy and paste mistake on my part) Mr. Crowe gets a low initial seed but has a VERY winnable part of the bracket. If he beats Jack Black and the Del Toro/Nick Cage winner in the Second Round then he has a very good chance to make it to face Mel. And as we saw with the Heather Graham/Britney Spears Region Final last year, anything can happen!

Best First Round Matchup: #4 George Clooney vs. #13 Julia Roberts
This battle intrigues me only because no matter who wins, we are all the loser because I can’t stand either one of these people. The winner also has an interesting chance of beating Mel Gibson in the Suckass Sixteen.

UPSET ALERT!: #6 Jack Black vs. #11 Russell Crowe
Like I said, Russell has a good chance to win this bad boy. Even though Nacho Libre is enough to garner hatred for Jack I think that this could be the big shocker of this region.

Projected Winner: #2 Ashton Kutcher
WHAT?! Not going with Mel on this one?! Well, it is the underdog theory. Last year Ashton was the hunted (he was more despised than K-Fed according to the responses I got), but this year it is all about Mel in this region (and the newly invited Russell Crowe). Don’t be surprised to see Ashton sneak into the Region Final and the peeps hop on his suckass bandwagon. It could happen!

Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region

Favorite: #4 Angelina Jolie
Why do I put her as the favorite? Well, due to the luck of the draw she gets the top half of the bracket which aside from Paris Hilton isn’t as stacked as the bottom. Also, I feel that she broke up Brad and Jen (YOU BITCH!!) and I think the peeps feel the same. Besides, she scares me.

Dark Horse: #6 Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay has been all OVER THE PLACE over the last month or so and is only behind (sadly) Anna Nicole in the gossip section. Like in the NCAA’s it is about who comes in hot (Georgia Tech in 2004) and bracket position/competition (LSU in 2006) and Lindsay has the bottom half of the bracket AND is on a roll. Don’t count her out!

Best First Round Matchup: #4 Angelina Jolie vs #13 Kumi Koda
This will be interesting because most people have NO IDEA who Kumi Koda is. However, those that hate her are diehard. With enough interest this could be the most hotly contested match up of the First Round!

UPSET ALERT!!: #3 Tara Reid vs #14 Drew Barrymore
This is more by default because Tara Reid has kind of…disappeared. What has she done over the last five months of note? No booby slips or nothing. Meanwhile, Drew Barrymore is still breathing which garners my anger so this is an interesting first round matchup. It also really opens things up in the bottom half of the Bracket.

Projected Winner: #1 Paris Hilton
Now this is a given. There is almost no way she doesn’t win this in her first year. Lindsay has a chance and I despise Angelina more but Paris is like Bono right now. This region is hers to lose.

Andy Dick Fucktard Region

Favorite: #1 Kevin Federline
C’mon, peeps! The man made Popozao. POPOZAO! Nuff said!

Dark Horse: # 9 Papa Bear
It pains me to say this, but after himself pwn3d by Stephen Colbert it seems that the heat on Bill has gotten really bad. If he beats K-Fed (which is completely possible) he could win this region. I’m sorry, Papa Bear.

Best First Round Matchup: #2 Peyton Manning vs. #15 Carlos Mencia
This was actually a request from a complete stranger (which is odd, because I have maybe two people that visit this site in the tri-city area) and I had to oblige. Carlos’s humor has run its course (although sometimes he is still funny, but less and less) meanwhile Peyton Manning is PEYTON FUCKING MANNING! This could be an upset because more people think Carlos is unfunny than think Peyton needs to be put down. It is funny because he looks like a fucking horse.

UPSET ALERT!! #6 Flavor Flav vs. #11 Verizon Guy
Fuck Verizon. Anyone that has Verizon and hates it will odds are vote for this dude. You know how many times my calls drop a day? An average of three times. Biggest network my fat black ass! Flav may want to watch out, this could be a sleeper close match.

Projected Winner: #1 Kevin Federline
A lot of things COULD happen. However, K-Fed is K-Fed. And he sucks. It. Hard. Nick Cannon could sneak up and win this bad boy (FUCK NICK CANNON) but this is K-Fed’s region to win.

I can make all the predictions I want, it is up to the peeps to chose who the CHAMPION OF DOUCHEBRAWL 2007 will be! I will have the first 16 polls up this Thursday or Saturday (I have to pay my bills you know) and the second set up Friday or Sunday. Also, to avoid clutter half will be on MySpace the other will be on Blogger. If things change I will let the peeps know ASAP.

That is all for now, peeps. Enjoy the long weekend and I am out to get some more cold medicine. That shit RULES ALL. Stay up, peeps.

Chachi out.

Greatest. Fucking. Week. EVER!!!!

It’s Friday so you know what that means! It’s time for the….

CHACHI TOP 20 VIDEO COUNTDOWN!!!

We start off with:

Bubbling Under

This could be the biggest Bubbling Under EVER with three HUGE NEW VIDEOS!!

Soul’d Out – GROWN KIDZ

First is the rumored (FOREVER) new single by Soul’d Out. Diggy-Mo and the peeps are back with a new video, much in line with Starlight Destiny which hit #3 in November. It is good stuff, peeps. Second, we have an artist that needs no introduction

Justin Timberlake – What Goes Around (Comes Around)

Hell yeah! J-Tim is back in effect with an EPIC of a video with everyones favorite quasi-skank Scarlett Johanssen. Just kidding, I love Scarlett. But forget her, J-TIM IS BACK! Bad ass video and the song is also groove-worthy. It will be on the Countdown soon. Now…prepare yourself peeps. The next video we have is…

UVERworld – Zero No Kotae

YES! YES! OH MY FUCKING GOD YES!!! IT FEELS SO GOOD!!! Yes, UVERworld is FUCKING BACK in video form! Seeing as how I just saw this video like…eight minutes ago I couldn’t put them over the two debuts this week. But they will be back and I preordered the album which should be here next week! Holefully this video is on the DVD that comes with! GOD, THIS DAY IS SO GONNA RULE! UVERWORLD, BITCHES! Now, to the countdown! We have a debut that is just as big as a new UVERworld video…

20. Yui – CHE.R.RY (New Entry)

Well, this week has totally kicked ass. New Yui song on my iPod and a new Yui video on the Countdown! Yeah, this song is on constant play now along with Namie, T.I. and John Legend. The video is rather interesting (I hate deer. Don’t know why, I just do) and as you can tell it is Yui so the song kicks the ass. Welcome to the Two-Fer club, Yui (two videos on the Countdown at the same time along with UVERworld, Bennie K, John Legend, Bi, Nelly Furtado, Kanye West, T.I. and The Game)!
19. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week #16)
Man…I really like this video but I have to stand by my decisions. No ‘Man Up’ means you will be punished severely. I’m sorry, but I have principles. Gimme what I want!
18. Bennie K – 1001 Nights (New Entry)

Well, this is the most cup filling week ever. First Yui graces me with her presence and not Bennie K drops another genre bending single. First was country now is an Arabian/Indian dance groove. Not only that, but Cico is belly-dancing. Kind of. Doesn’t matter, that is HOT. And Yuki is looking fine as usual. Welcome back ladies. There is a warm seat…on MY LAP!! Yeah, I’m a perv.
17. Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’ (Last Week #20)
Speaking of perv. Yeah, so I just got the DVD of the single and um….yeah it is good stuff. I swear this just is not fair. Hikaru’s heels are fricking HIGH. The fact she is standing let alone dancing is bad-ass! The ladies move up three spots this week and that is one for each member that is older than fourteen. Yeah, it just aint fair.
16. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #13)

So I have been listening to the song ‘Celestial’ for a while and I would prefer that as the next single over ‘Wanna Play’. However what I think means jack so I will just marvel at Anahi’s beauty and Dulce’s…goodies for a while.
15. Game feat. Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far (Last Week #17)
The Game makes a modest move after an impressive debut last week, moving up two spots. Speaking of the The Game, was he nominated for a Grammy? I didn’t see anything about it so I don’t think he was. Even IKE TURNER won a Grammy! Even though Ike struck a blow for wife-beaters everywhere (that joke was unintentional, but I will run with it) by winning…c’mon. Seriously.
14. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #7, Plunge of the Week)
The fallout of the lack of a ‘Man Up’ video continues. This week Omarion ties for the biggest plummet EVER with seven places and out of the Top 10. I told you, don’t play with my favorite song, fool.
13. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #12)
Kumi Koda is continuing to hang on after being unable to crack the Top Ten. It is a shame, I actually love this video (I cannot find the anime anywhere, though) and the song is good as long as it aint in English. Trust me.
12. TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R. (Last Week #14)

The TERIYAKI BOYZ are moving toward their first ever Top 10 video! Not only is Verbal a part of this group, but m-flo has a new video with Monkey Majik (who had a stint on here with Endless Summer with Bennie K) and that is getting massive rotation in my circle. Yep, coming up Milhouse. Not for the NEXT person…
11. Rain (Bi) – In My Bed (Last Week #11)
I TOLD YOU! Bi stands pat outside the Top 10 for the second week, being kept from his bid for four straight Top 10 videos (Freeway, Move On and I’m Coming). You know, you could make ‘Man Up’ your fifth with just three days of work and some bad-ass dance moves. It’s all it takes, Bi. Up to you, I’m not here.
10. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #15)
Hells yeah! The Grammy award winning John Legend has his third straight Top 10 video and is looking to have this third straight #1 video! Can he do it? We’ll see!
9. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #8, #1 for three weeks)

Nelly Furtado falls only one spot this week, but almost out of the Top 10. She has the current longest tenure of any song on the Countdown (Along with RBD and Bi at 13 weeks) and is STILL in the Top 10! Can I just recommend ‘Do It’ or ‘What I Wanted’ as the next videos? Just an idea.
8. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #4)
The Snowman is melting!! I had to do it. Bad jokes aside, Young Jeezy fell short in his bid to be #1 and now falls another four spots this week. As we saw last week, I am in the quandary of putting maybe the hardest beat so far this year on the Countdown with the tradeoff of supporting R.Kelly. It is a conundrum.
7. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #9)
Amy Lee and the band are creeping toward their second Top Five video! I like this video, not as much as ‘Call Me When You Are Sober’ because wolves rule. Seriously. Even still, great video.
6. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (Last Week #10)

After only THREE WEEKS Namie is right outside the Top Five! No one, not John Legend, UVERworld, Nelly Furtado, T.I. or even Ralph Tresvant has moved up the Countdown this quickly! It is only fair, this song is quite the nice, the perfect Valentine’s Day song if you will. Can’t wait for the album!
5. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #6)
Not too far ahead is Daughtry! After one month on the Countdown he has ALREADY cracked the Top Five! March guarantees to be an interesting month with John Legend, Namie, Yui, Bennie K and Daughtry all on the Countdown!
4. Halcali – Look (Last Week #5)
Don’t look now, but Halcali has snuck their way near the top! This song is still catchy and although I hate the Powerpuff Girls with a passion, I still dig this video. I was told they were going to have a new single, but these young ladies can take their time. It is time for the Top Three, which is made of the same three participants! Let’s start at #3…
3. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #3)

After 11 weeks on the Countdown, May J is STILL hanging on to the Top Three for the second week! Pretty good for a 19 year old first timer on the Countdown. Oh, the last first timer to make the Top Three was Yui. And you saw what she did. Can May J climb to the Top? We are down to the Final Two. Yui and T.I. battled last week with Yui coming out on top. This week….
2. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #1, #1 for three weeks)

….She bows in at Number Two. After tying Nelly Furtado for the longest running #1 video of 2007 she falls to number two this week. No need to fret, UVERworld fell to #3 before inching back up and taking the top spot again with Shamrock so it can be done! Also, she has another video on here to boot! With Yui at #2, that means we have a new number one…
1. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #2, one week at #1]

T.I. to the top back! The man with the longest running #1 video (What You Know from 2006 was #1 for an astounding EIGHT WEEKS!) has taken his throne back! They don’t call him King because he likes jesters. Oh, T.I. also took home a Grammy on Sunday AND lit up the stage with J-Tim and that contest winner. Pretty good week for the King of the South, eh? Congrats on your second #1 video!

Well, this was a kick ass week and I hope the next is just as good! Get ready for Douchebrawl next week and tune into the Countdown next Friday! Can The King hold on to the #1 spot for a second week? Or will Yui recapture the #1 spot. Or can May J jump both and go to Number One? Don’t forget about Namie Amuro and Daughtry as they attempt to continue their meteoric rise to the top! See you next Friday!

Chachi Out.

It's Raining Threes! And MEN!!

What is up, peeps! It’s Thursday and you know what that means. ALMOST FRIDAY!! ARE YOU READY TO WORK FOR THE WEEKEND?! I know I am, although my money got messed up (mostly my fault, it not all my fault) it is still SLUMBER PARTAAAY time! First off, the Doucheology special will be up on Saturday, the brackets will be up Sunday to make room for the Countdown on Friday. Working, the Countdown and Douchebrawl all in the same day is quite the difficult. I will make it work, though.

It’s kind of rant time. As you all know, I am indifferent about homosexuals. Gay men make the world better for us (musicals, fashion, the elimination of my competition the enhance my chances of getting a woman to tolerate me) and lesbians are actually kind of cool aside from the whole man-hating thing that a subset have. Don’t be anti-man, be pro-woman. Unlike me, who is anti-everyone and pro-me. Now I am sure that you have (or have not, who cares) about John Amaechi coming out of the closet. Diana Ross style. You know, I am not gonna say I saw it coming (but we all know Steve Nash is next. If any NBA player likes man-sex it is SO Steve Nash’s hippie ass) but I was surprised that everyone is all shocked about it. Let’s face it, aside from gay sex, there is nothing gayer than sports at its bare bones aside from the military. Oh, and they are the two most homophobic areas of society. Aside from the South but they screw relatives which is a lot worse. I am totally annoyed by this because it is AFTER the fact. Quite simply it doesn’t matter. Now if Kevin Garnett or Dirk Nowitski came out of the closet that would be earth-shattering. Not because they are good (John Amaechi wasn’t a superstar by any means. He went to Penn State for Christ’s sake!) but they are the faces of the league.

Since John is retired it is an after the fact shock. Players that used to play with him are shocked but odds are will say that ‘I don’t mind playing with a gay player’ because they don’t play along side him anymore. They can say that because there isn’t a gay player in the locker room that they know of right now.

The true test of whether the league is ready for this is if a player comes out while still playing. I know that is tough, especially in the NBA which is full of Blacks. As I Black man I am shocked by the utter and complete hatred of homosexuals by the community. I will never accept the argument that the discrimination is the same (I guarantee that John faced more shit being mixed than being gay) because no one EVER has to know you are gay. I can’t hide being Black. Unless you count shoe polish but that gets expensive because I am fat. The fact is that in most ‘Locker Room Sports’ like football, basketball, hockey and maybe soccer a gay player would NOT be accepted. Sad but I believe it to be completely true. Sports like tennis and golf where you are going 1 on 1 or against a field is a little easier to be gay because you are left to your own devices but with a team sport sadly there are too many views that have to come together to form a TEAM. Look at what Terrell Owens did to his team by being a douche. And you can change being a douche, you can’t change gay (I guess, I have never tried).

People like to say it all comes down to wins and losses but that really aint going to be the case when (and it will) it happens that a player comes out while still active. Unlike being a jerk or screw up, being gay is something that is a moral issue. In terms of physical make up, there really hasn’t been a link to gays being any different in make-up than straight people. So any prejudices players have a based on their belief, nothing else. Beliefs are hard to break and at the end of the day, the backlash against the player that is insulting the homosexual player will be nothing compared to the homosexual player themselves. We are all understanding and open to other people until we have to deal with the issues. Quite simply it is great John came out because it will open dialog, but it won’t do anything to change the climate of homophobia in sports and especially contact sports.

Well, that is enough of the soapbox. Just had some things I wanted to get off my chest. I will be back tomorrow for the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown. Tune in tomorrow!

Chachi Out.

Love Is In The Air! Wait..Shit That's Anthrax.

What is up, peeps?! You know what today is, don’t you? The ladies do. Yeah, it is Second Christmas for the ladies today! Yaaaaay! Eh, go to hell ladies. Yeah, I’m bitter. So normally I have Doucheology up today but I will have that up either tomorrow or Friday because the brackets haven’t changed. I will have them up for printout this weekend and the voting will begin on Friday! More information on how the voting will occur will be up on Wednesday of next week.

So with no Doucheology, what am I going to do today? Well, seeing as today is the day of Saint Valentine’s hanging (after a little bit of Bro Rape by Saint Patrick and Saint Kwanzaa) I was going to do a Valentine’s Day rant. However, recent events have made that rather…hypocritical. Seeing as how my distain for women has dropped several points I guess a verbal barrage about women being the catalyst of all evil isn’t fair. Mainly because I like some of them. NOT ALL, just some. Like three women out of over 3 billion. So in a rare treat (seriously, I haven’t done this in about 5 months) I give the peeps an exclusive. A special…

WHAT CHACHI LIKES: VALENTINE’S DAY EDITION!!

SO contrary to popular belief, I actually love women. Actions and baggage, not so much but I don’t like my own actions and anyone that knows me understands that I have so much baggage it’s like I’m trippin with nowhere to unpack. However, several things about women make me smile. Makes me forget that they feast on my emotions like R. Kelly at a middle school playground.

Chachi Likes: Women That Can Drive A Manual Transmission

Okay, that sounds hella stupid. I understand that, but something about a woman that can drive a stick is rather attractive. Shows someone that is attentive and dedicated. As anyone that has drove stick knows, that shit aint easy. Shifting is no picnic and don’t even get me started on maneuvering around the idiots while still maintaining speed and control. Automatics are less about driving and more about…steering. You don’t do any-damn-thing. Automatics are the epitome of lazy, and I am a fat, lazy bastard so that is saying something. Oh, wow I totally missed the sexual connotation of ‘driving stick’. Eh, that is stupid anyway. Women that can drive manuals are hot. Shows control and we all know how I like to be told what to do by a woman. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….wow, that may be a reason I am so lonely right now.

Chachi Likes: Women Who Curse

Okay, let me clarify. I don’t mean potty mouths. I curse a hell of a lot, but I also have an extensive vocabulary so I don’t need to cuss all the time. When I am driving and someone cuts me off and the woman next to me cusses at that shitty driver…that’s hawt. I mean REAL HAWT. That is marriage potential right there. You know what else is hot? A woman that cusses and uses not-typical obscenities. A woman that calls a dumbass in line that can’t decide on a candy selection a ‘fucktard’ obviously listens to me say it or has read VGCats which either way equals great success. Oh, and a woman that cusses at someone that just cut her off and slips a gear to act like she is gonna ram them? She will get sexed up. RIGHT THERE. Real talk, peeps. That is so HAWT it hurts.

Chachi Likes: Women That Can’t Cook

Now I know I tell women to make me a sandwich all the time but in all actuality I prefer women that can’t cook without a George Foreman Grill. And they STILL fuck that up. Why? Because I can cook and rather well (Little known fact: I used to be a cook at the USAFA back in the day) and I like to do so. Nothing is cooler than cooking with a woman and me doing all the work. Especially any food that required baking (cakes, pastries, pies and of COURSE cookies) because the prep-work is rather fun. You know what is the best to make? Ice cream. Making that is so damn HAWT. I miss college. Anyway, a woman that struggles in a kitchen brings the Alpha Mom out of me. Hell, does that phrase make ANY FUCKING SENSE? Does to me and that’s what matters.

Chachi Likes: Women That DESPISE My Hobbies

Now some of you may think this is weird. I used to always want a woman that liked video games and anime. Then in college I met one and it was actually the worst thing that I could I have done. First off, she was better than me at fighting games. Ask Griff, I will KILL A MAN for beating me at Street Fighter Alpha II, so imagine what I wanted to do when I lost at Street Fighter Alpha II to a GIRL and I had Ken? Ike, thy name is Chachi. Something was odd to me about watching Full Metal Alchemist with a girl who could only talk about how cute Elric was (Zach, that is the true reason I hate FMA so damn much). I prefer a woman that when she sees I am watching Death Note she leaves the room. I know that sounds solitary but there are somethings I would expect to not want to do with your partner. So unless she wants to get ANNIHILATED in Madden or NCAA Football for the PS2 (Ask anyone who has played me, I run up the score like a madman because I have NO SPORTSMANSHIP WHATSOEVER in video game football) I would prefer a woman not want to have any parts of it. Just me.

Chachi Likes: Women That Like J-Pop

However, in contrast to the whole video game thing I like women that like J-pop. I don’t expect her to sing a long with every word (although I was taught the words to Kiseki and La-La-La Love Song by a girl. THAT IS HAWT BECAUSE BOA IS HAWT) but at least be open to new things. I cannot stand country music and that is a scientific fact. However, I learned to listen to (and kind of like) Sarah Evans in college because I was introduced to it by a woman. Same thing with John Mayer, Saving Jane, Namie Amuro and Dido (who I really thought was Sarah McLaughlan or whatever) and now they are some of my favorite artists. Fuck you, I like John Mayer you dicks. Quite simply, my music rotation since about 2001 has been J-Pop, Hip Hop, Boy Bands, and 80’s then Soul/R&B in that order. That aint going to change, either. So ladies, if you can’t dig ‘Baby, Don’t Cry’ by Namie Amuro then we aint ever going to work. Lastly…

Chachi Likes: Women Who Open The Door From The Inside

Let me clarify. I understand with the advances in technology that opening doors has become damn near obsolete. However, every time I don’t open a car door (or any door for that matter) for a woman my mother shows up and slaps the shit out of me whether you are on a date, dating or whatever. Literally, she did it this morning and we have badge doors in this bitch! So I always do that not because it is gentlemanly but because it is the RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO. Mainly because I hate getting smacked. Too old for that shit. With that being said, since doors unlock at the same time once you shut the door for a woman I find it quite cool when she opens it from the inside on the driver side. It makes me feel warm, one of the few times seeing as I am dead inside for the most part. It is Skid Row Bro, ladies. Also, it is just a really kind thing to do. Oh, and for no apparent reason I always believe I drive. I don’t know why, but I do. Oh, and never ask to drive my car unless you have driven a manual. Seriously, nothing grinds my gears more than a woman grinding gears in my car. Not the first time some jacked up shit happened in there but still.

Well, those are some of my many quirky likes when it comes to the ladies because I am a nutcase. Well, everyone enjoy the rest of the day and may you have a sexy time this evening! Because are I wont because no one loves me. *sigh* I know what will make me feel better. 80’s ROCK BALLAD TIME!!!

Betwixt? Now THAT is English for your ass! Stay up, peeps! Be back Friday (or tomorrow).

Chachi Out

A New Week Means...Eh, It's Just A New Week.

Yeah, I hate Monday’s too peeps. But it follows the BEST WEEKEND EVER!! Better than the NDK weekend, better than the Braves winning the World Series weekend, better than the Big Daddy Kane concert in Topeka. Let’s recap this weekend:

Partytime in D-Town on a Friday night? Check!
Hanging out with someone that is not Nolan, Nick, Zach or Rick for once? Check (No offense, guys)
Eddie Murphy singing and dancing? Check
A KICK ASS rendition of ‘You’re Gonna Love Me’ by Jennifer Hudson? CHECK!!
New HOT ASS BENNIE K?! MUTHAFUCKIN CHECK!! (Yeah, I filled the cup)

New song by Yui? CHECK! OH MY GOD, IT FEELS SO GOOD CHECK!!
Ike Turner winning more Grammys than U2? Check! (Wow, I know I shouldn’t be proud of a woman hitter…but I REALLY HATE BONO.
Wanton bashing of the drunken Irish on Family Guy? Check!
An angry Nolan rant? Check (I really need to record our rants)
Good ass Chinese food? Check (Chopsticks rules!)
A sing-a-long to Duran Duran? Check. And let’s face it, is there anything better to have a sing-a-long to than Duran Duran? Hells no.
New Soul’d Out? CH-CH-CH-CHECK!

A copy of the Bleach – Memories of Nobody movie? CHECK!! (But it is recorded in the theater and unsubbed. Meh, them’s the breaks)
And finally JOHN LEGEND WINNING A GRAMMY?! CHECK!!

So all in all, this weekend rocked the box. This week will be interesting with Valentines Day on Wednesday and a SLUMBER PARTAAAAY on Friday. Well not really, I just like to say that. Still, Friday will be party time. Well, maybe Saturday if I have to go to the airport. Either way, good stuff.

So I usually make evil comments about how much I cant stand talentless celebs and wish they would die. I’m looking at K-Fed and Paris but you knew that. Last week, Anna Nicole Smith passed away and I must tell you…

I’m saddened by it.

Normally you would expect some comments about her being a train wreck. Not this time. After watching her show (yeah, my sister got me hooked on it) I didn’t look at her as a dumb bitch like I saw The Simple Life idiots. She needed help. Serious help. I still believe she may have been diabetic from how she was on the show and seeing as how doctors told my mother to stay away from TrimSpa because of its metabolic and…other big word effects to chemicals I was rather concerned. Combine that with the substances she admitted taking and her obvious mental state (I wont even burn cycles on it, you know them) I think that it is tragic.

I don’t want it to be soapbox time but people like Anna Nicole and other ‘celebs’ that have obvious issues (Chyna Doll, Danny Bonaduche and Paris Hilton being off the top of head) need help, not reality shows. I will be the first to admit fault because I watch The Surreal Life and even though it’s the only reality show I watch (thankfully), I am just as much to blame. I know I always say that people are adults and can make their own decisions but fame is just as much a drug as anything that is banned. If no one cared, do you think Tara Reid would have been such a drunk? Would Andy Dick be such a douche? No, they are because we pay attention and won’t call them dumbasses for doing the crap they do. And I don’t mean ridicule and I put the blame where it belongs because I have a TOURNEMENT to crown the stupidest celebrity. However, at the end of the day this is not an honor I want them to be happy about. I want Tom Cruise to realize that it is fine to be religious but it is not fine to be a fucktard. I want Paris Hilton to realize that being a whore isn’t the same as being famous; it’s the INFAMY of being a whore which is not a good thing. Name one good whore. Thank you. I am not perfect, but I know what I am and I know that at the end of the day I have my faults. I try to work on them because I know they aren’t good for me. Being famous seems to be the cure for being an asshat and that is not right. It is a shame that Anna Nicole died because at the end of the day, the need for fame caused her to do what she did to get to that day and OUR need for entertainment egged it on. Just food for thought.

Okay, off the soapbox. Sorry, sometimes my rants are somber. Speaking of Douchebrawl, I will have a final Doucheology on Thursday and the brackets will be up for printout (hopefully) on Sunday night. Until then, stay up peeps. Oh, and anyone that says I hate Mac’s are stupid. I hate MAC USERS.

Aaaahhh….it’s all true.

Chachi Out.

Hey, This Ain't TRL! It's Not Live But It Doesn't Suck!

Yo, yo, yo! What it is?! Yeah, I’m not buying it either. Well, it’s Friday so you know what that means. You waited for it all week and here it is!

CHACHI’S TOP 20 VIDEO COUNTDOWN!!

A HUGE week this week as there are three, count them THREE DEBUTS! This means we say goodbye to The Game, UVERworld and John Legend. Sad to see them go, but they will be high on they year end Countdown. However, it is time for some videos that didn’t quite make the cut with…

BUBBLING UNDER!

First we have a new video from an artist currently on the Countdown…

Young Jeezy feat. R. Kelly – Go Getta

Okay, Jeezy is back. I like this beat, Jeezy shows some lyrical skill on the track and the video is…well a rap video. BUT R-FUCKING-KELLY?! You could have gotten the corpse of Gerald LeVert and I would have been happy! That man KILLS a perfectly good song. Can the awesomeness of Jeezy overcome the pee-stain that is R.Kelly? We’ll see! Next we have a video I am sure maybe three of you have seen before.

Kato Miliyah - Kono Mama Zutto Asa Made

Okay, I know what you are thinking. ‘Dancehall jpop?! Duece have you lost your mind?!’ The answer to that is yes but that is not the issue. I like this video and the song is pretty damn groovy. Oh, and Miliyah I think is quite nice. Eh, I like it. Lastly is a song that I have been grooving to for about a month and a half now…

Dragon Ash – Yume De Aetara

Oh….hell….YES. Dragon Ash has been ruling all for a few years now in the Japanese Hip-Hop scene because…well they don’t only do hip hop. They mix jazz, rap, pop, rock and even Spanish guitar into their music. This is their latest one and it is a very catchy song. The video is kind of interesting to boot. Great stuff.

Now, to the MAIN EVENT!! We start with one of the three debuts this week…


20. Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’ (New Entry)

Hells YES! Hinoi Team is on the Countdown! As much as I wanted to have ‘Now and Forever’ on here it just didn’t seem right. I couldn’t hold this one off. This song totally kicks ass and you know what? These girls can dance. Zach and I had the discussion and the last girl group that danced I think was Salt ‘N’ Pepa. Some would say FinKL but they SUUUUUUUCKED. If you don’t know who they are, clone Hyori Lee four times, subtract about 10 years and turn up the mediocrity to eleven. Hinoi Team would straight SERVE them. OC Style. Welcome to the Countdown, ladies!
19. Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead (Last Week #16)
From a video I love to a video I like. Even though this video has grown back on me, Nas has THROUGHLLY pissed me off with the ‘Did Langston Hughes light up before telling a story’ bullshit from his album. Even if he did, you are no fucking Langston Hughes. Nigga, you MAY be ahead of Tyler Perry and I HATE HIM. Watch your step Nas, you are on The List.
18. Bennie K – Joy Trip (Last Week #14, #1 for one week)
March. That is the next Benni K album. MARCH?! What the hell, man?! I can’t wait another month for the beauty that is Yuki and Cico! Dammit this may turn out to be the worst 2007 ever! First UVERworld now this.
17. Game feat. Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far (New Entry)

The Game is back with another video! He teams up with Kanye West (who is everywhere again, not gonna lie I kind of missed him) to try and take the top spot after getting to the Top Three twice. This video is hilarious (and even six years after ‘Big Pimpin’ I would so wreck Gloria Velez. Or she would wreck me, which I’m cool with) and the song is sad but true. I kid you not, girls when I went to high school had ambitions of being in music videos. I mean I want to be in a boy band but that is different. Even still, welcome The Game back!
16. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week #8, Plunge of the Week)
Okay, I warned you. I SO WARNED YOU! I told you to have a video out for ‘Man Up’ ASAP. Well you didn’t and NOW YOU ARE GONNA GET IT MOTHERFUCKER!! Not only is your video falling Bi, I am so gonna mail mountain lions to your house! I told you not to deprive me of my jam! NOW YOU WILL FEEL THE FURY OF CHACHI!!!
15. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (New Entry)

Aaahhh, some calm down music. And just in time for Valentine’s Day (or as I call it ‘Women’s Second Christmas’. YES I’M BITTER BECAUSE IM ALONE! EAT IT!) to boot. I don’t like this as much as ‘Where Did My Baby Go’ but its like choosing between stabbing K-Fed in the throat or groin. Either way, it will fucking rule. John Legend also is looking to be the first artist to have three number one videos on the Chachi Video Countdown! Can he do it? Well, unless Takuya gets his head out of his ass he will. Go John!
14. TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R. (Last Week #17)
Yeah, this video has grown on me even more if that is possible. Here is to hoping that this video takes off stateside or at LEAST they do a reverse Kanye West song featuring TERIYAKI BOYZ. I can dream, can’t I?
13. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #10)
So no ‘Wanna Play’ yet. However, I have been watching the live DVD’s for…research. About…the…Hispanic music…scene. Okay, so I just stare at Anahi. Sue me. She’s the hotness. Look at me and tell me you wouldn’t hit that. Seriously!
12. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #11)
Oh no! Kumi Koda falls short in her bid to make the Top Ten! That will teach her to not be half dressed in her videos! Just joking, this video is cool Just not ‘Juicy’ cool. Hey, that bottle was asking for it! Tramped up like that!
11. Rain (Bi) – In My Bed (Last Week #15)
Eh, I can’t stay mad at Bi forever. He’s just a tad bit too awesome to keep down. Still pissed off at you, though.
10. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (Last Week #19, Biggest Mover)

Yeah, I likes this song. It has replaced Bi’s ‘Freeway’ as my ringtone. Yeah, I’m a nerd wanna make something of it? Anyway, this video is so simple that it rules. Like French Vanilla ice cream. NOW THAT IS GOOD EATING. Oh, and I would like to ask Namie to be my Valentine. Except for the…you know…restraining order and the blood portrait I sent her. I lost a lot of blood and got woozy so it looked nothing like her but…the love was there. At least I thought so; the law not so much. Fucking laws.
9. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #13, Biggest Mover)
Hey, look who is back in the upper regions of the Countdown! Take a load off, guys your feet must be killing you! Nice video you have here, all creepy and whatnot. So um….Amy did you get the letters? WHY WONT YOU RETURN MY LOVE?! Oh, yeah because I’m crazy. Sounds fair. Well, welcome to the Top 10.
8. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #6, #1 for three weeks)
So Ms. Furtado falls a little bit more this week after all but ruling the Countdown for damn near a month. Aside from 'All Good Things' nothing new from Miss Furtado, either. Eh, I still like this video so its cool.
7. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #5)
So, I just got off the phone with the post office and it SEEMS that mailing mountain lions is against the law too! What the fuck is legal these days?! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I thought this was America! What kind of world do we live in when we can’t send mountain lions in the mail to those that don’t make paradigm shifting music videos! You luck out Omarion. As punishment, your video falls two spots. THAT CHACHI HAS SPOKEN!
6. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #9)

Hells yeah. Daughtry makes up a little for not winning American Idol by moving up three spots, right outside of the Top Five. You know, I haven’t seen a single episode of the new season and I really don’t miss it. Unless they have a singing bear (and YOU KNOW how much I hate bears but…Baloo kicked ass in The Jungle Book) I’m not interested at all. Can Chris crack the Top Five? We’ll see!
5. Halcali – Look (Last Week #7)
Yaaaaay! Halcali in the Top Five! This song makes me happy and this video makes me like rubix cubes. Those things are stupid but these ladies make it cool. This is their second Top Five (Tip Taps Tap was one of my favorite songs last year) and they supposedly have a second single coming soon!
4. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #2)
After two weeks at Number 2, The Snowman slides down two spots this week. Young Jeezy is the third hip hop video to make number two only to be thwarted (Young Dro’s ‘Shoulder Lean’ and The Game’s ‘Lets Ride’ also made it to #2). Even still, it has been a nice run for Jeezy.
3. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #4)

The sexiest lady on the Countdown finally makes it to the Top Three! No signs of an album, but that doesn’t even matter right now. My god…this girl is nice. And she can actually sing! Trust me, that is a rarity these days. Oh, and a new M-Flo album coming soon! Can things get any better?!
2. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #3]

Yes….yes they can. T.I. inches closer to the Number One spot by moving up to the runner up position. The only bad part about this song is that it is on the Grand Hustle Mixtape which…let’s just say it leaves a lot to be desired. In other words it is not very good. Oh, and B.G. and the Chopper City Boyz (God, poor spelling is EVERYWHERE THESE DAYS. I blame Prince) new song ‘Make Em Mad’ is actually kind of good. 2007 may be a good year for rap after all! Well, with T.I. at number two and Jeezy falling, that means that number one is…
1. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #1, #1 for three weeks)

Hey, look who is Number One for a THIRD STRAIGHT WEEK! The CHAMP IS HERE! After a somewhat suprising run Yui is making the most of her stay at Number One. Waiting for something new from her, but I’m patient. No mountain lions going to her. Unlike some people. Anyway, Yui holds on for another week.

That is all for this week. Stop by next week to see if Yui can join UVERworld and John Legend as the only one month Number One videos! Or will T.I. take the ‘Top Back’ for the ATL? Or will May J’s ten week trek have Number One as its final stop? Tune in next week, same site and same channel!

Chachi Out.

Oh Yeah, It's Filler Time!

Yeah, it’s filler day. I felt bad about no update yesterday and I have to give you the business if you know what I mean. So I’m sitting here working (yeah, I do that every once in a while. Let me just say that Excel may suck but it is making my job a hell of a lot easier. Thanks, Billy Gates….you dick) while listening to my iPod when I came to my cartoon theme songs folder. Yes, I have one. Then it came on: The Snorks theme. Hey, I wasn’t a FAN of the Snorks but they were pretty cool. And they came on before Galaxy High when I was in Rome, New York and THAT SHOW KICKED ASS. My teammate (who is in his late 30’s-early 40’s I’m guessing) had no idea what a Snork was while the lady next to me (who is quite nice. I’m sure she’ll mace me though) was all like ‘Hells yeah the Snorks!’ which got her 20 more Hot Points in my book. Then we got to talking about cartoons and I realized something. Everyone knows about Jem (of which I have as a ringtone on my phone for Jen, but she is smart and never calls me), Transformers, Darkwing Duck (Rick’s ringtone) and even Volton (GREATEST RINGTONE EVER!!) but there are so many shows that ruled that had a sweet theme song that no one remembers.

So, as I reflect on my youth being an old man and all, today I have a special treat for you. Today I rank my favorite kids show TV themes! Some you may have heard and seen, most you will not have. So today I give you a special Thursday mid-day post…

Chachi’s Top Ten Kid’s Show Themes…That You Odds Are Never Heard Of.

#10 Denver the Last Dinosaur

Okay, for a long time I hated this show. But the theme song is TIGHT BANGIN! He was my friend, your friend and so much more. Although a dinosaur odds are would have ate you quick. Hell, he even played guitar! GUITAR! Beat that! Nothing says 80’s cool like a dinosaur in sunglasses.

#9 MASK

Alright, Griff was right. MASK was the lamest cartoon with the lamest toys EVER. They were even worse than Go-Bots. And you know how much I hate them. That said….this song kicked ass! I literally would watch the intro and turn the channel to…um…Jem and The Holograms part of the ‘Action Hour’ with The Inhumans and Bigfoot. M-M-M-MASK!! Yeah!

#8 California Dreams

Okay, I will admit. I had a thing for Jenny Kwan and Diana Uribe on this show back in the day. Only reason I watched it. That and this SWEET ASS theme song! This was back when The Heights was on the air (free soda for anyone who can name the lead singer and the name of two songs by the guy! Yeah…I dubbed the album from a friend of mine. SO LAME) and there was a band on every show. Didn’t they form a band on GI Joe? I think they became Fall Out Boy. Even still, I LOVED this song…and kind of still do.

#7 Hammerman

MC Hammer + Cartoon + Dancing Shoes + Bad Ass theme song = classic. Nuff Said.

#6 Pole Position

Much like Disney will make a movie out of a theme ride (Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, anything with Lindsay Lohan because everyone has rode her. WHOA!) in the 80’s every video game had a show. From Dungeons and Dragons to Zelda (both of which RULED) it was the rage. Combine a bad ass Atari game with a bad ass intro with TALKING CARS (worked for Hasselhoff) and you have the 6th best cartoon theme ever. I don’t think anyone even WATCHED this show, but it surprisingly ruled. It so sounds like A-Ha made this song.

#5 The Wuzzles

Okay, confession time. I had a Bumblelion. Not like a long time ago, either. I think the cal mauled it in 2004 and I had to get rid of it. This show actually wasn’t that bad and was a kind of novel concept. Well, not really but I liked it. And I think Kenny Loggins sang this. He sang my birthday song in 1987 for Christ’s sake. Even still, this show was good stuff and yes it is on the iPod.

#4 Galaxy High

I loved this show! Listen to it, it is SO 80’s IT HURTS! I used to watch this at 10:30 every Saturday before the almighty Transformers and man it was cool! The theme song just screams Flock of Seagulls, doesn’t it?

#3 Silverhawks

Yes. YES. YES! OH GOD YES!! Now we all know I hated the toys (biggest case of false advertising EVER with that invisible ship) but the cartoon was bad ass! And the theme song? Hells yeah! Part metal, part real, ALL AWESOME!

#2 Hello Kitty

First off, DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. Helly Kitty rules all and you know it. If rules your god damn face! I used to watch this show all the time in Italy and even had the pens and stationary. No, it’s not gay it’s awesome. If Hello Kitty is gay then yeah, I am gay as all fucking hell. If I had this song in better quality it would SO be my ringtone. I was kind of mad the characters had mouths and talked but I was just happy to see it here.

#1 Swan’s Crossing

I used to watch this show after Yearbook everyday while in High School! We used to do…the…dance and everything. Yeah, I’m pretty damn lame. Even still, this show was awesome! The episode when they had the intervention and that guy drove his scooter off a cliff with Sarah Michelle Gellar on the back? Priceless! Big ups if you remember this show!

There are some that I wanted to put on here such as the intro to The Roundhouse (SNICK, fools! WHAT!), the intro to the Alf cartoon (bet you didn’t remember THAT ONE did you?!) and Toxic Avengers (They’re GROSS but they still get girls! According to the song, anyway) but that is another time. I will be back tomorrow (or late tonight) with the Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Think Of The As Tomorrow Eastern TIme.

Alrighty, peeps. Here are the newest rankings, hot off the presses!

The 2nd Annual Tom Cruise Douchebrawl 2007 Updated Doucheology Rankings!!

The 50 Cent Musicians Region

1. Bono (Last Week #1)
2. Diddy (Last Week #2)
3. Eminem (Last Week #4)
4. R. Kelly (Last Week: Unranked)
5. Clay Aiken (Last Week #3)
6. Toby Keith (Last Week #5)
7. Nelly (Last Week #6)
8. Fergie (Last Week #13)
9. Fall Out Boy (Last Week #7)
10. The Fray (Last Week #8)
11. Dave Matthews Band (Last Year #9)
12. James Blount (Last Week #10)
13. Snoop Dogg (Last Week #12)
14. Akon (Last Week # 11)
15. Nickelback (Last Week: Unranked)
16. Gwen Stefani (Last Week #14)

Out: Usher, Cowboy Troy

A HUGE jump in the rankings this week. I cannot believe I forgot the King of R&Pee! Man, I almost screwed that up BIG TIME. Oh, and he did a song with Bow Wow. Way to go after the adult market, asshole. Yes, I know that is hypocritical with my Hinoi Team love but I don’t want to PEE ON THEM. Also, Fergie’s mannish ass moves into the upper echelon of the brackets. My god…the is more manly than Clay Aiken. Not hard to do, but still. Eminem also moves up after getting (reportedly) re-engaged (remarried) to Kim. I’m not against that (You know how I feel about the problem women. I loves them) I am more upset he still makes music with Fiddy. Oh, and Fiddy is threatening me with a new album in March. Man, someone should really shoot him…again. Nickelback makes its debut this week! Yeah, I don’t have anything against them but Zach demanded it for the most part. A vote is a vote. As it sits, its them vs. Diddy in the first round. The NCAA’s has had a #15 seed over a #2 seed in 13 of the last 14 years (If I’m not mistaken. Can someone check into that? Rick, I’m looking at you) so you never know!

The George Lucas Actor/Actress Region

1. Mel Gibson (Last Week #1)
2. Ashton Kutcher (Last Week #2)
3. Nick Cage (Last Week #4)
4. George Clooney (Last Week #3)
5. Ben Affleck (Last Week #5)
6. Jack Black (Last Week #6)
7. Leonardo DiCaprio (Last Week # 7)
8. Colin Farrel (Last Week # 8)
9. Heath Ledger (Last Week #9)
10. Hayden Christensen (Last Week #10)
11. Russell Crowe (Last Week #11)
12. Paul Walker (Last Week #12)
13. Julia Roberts (Last Week #13)
14. Benicio Del Toro (Last Week #14)
15. Brad Pitt (Last Week #15)
16. Vin Diesel (Last Week #16)

(Outs: None)
Only change is Nick Cage moving ahead of George Clooney into the Number 3 spot. I am seeing Ghost Rider this weekend at some point, so that will determine whether he moves up to #2. Mel is set at Number One, though. Still another week to go but this region looks pretty set.

The Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region

1. Paris Hilton (Last Week #1)
2. Britney Spears (Last Week #3)
3. Tara Reid (Last Week #2)
4. Angelina Jolie (Last Week #4)
5. Nicole Ritchie (Last Week #5)
6. Lindsay Lohan (Last Week #6)
7. Jessica Simpson (Last Week #8)
8. Tyra Banks (Last Week #9)
9. Pamela Anderson (Last Week #10)
10. Katie Holmes (Last Week #14)
11. Cameron Diaz (Last Week #7)
12. Janet Jackson (Last Week #11)
13. Kumi Koda (Last Week #12)
14. Drew Barrymore (Last Week #15)
15. Jennifer Lopez (Last Week #13)
16. Paula Abdul (Last Week #16)

(Outs: None)
Okay, there is FINALLY some stability in this bracket. Aside from Tara Reid falling (just like in real life) a bit and Jessica Simpson moving up with the ‘Stripperella’ look everything if falling into place. J-Lo fell a bit (her new video is stupid, btw) and Katie Holmes is moving up after the attempt at ‘dancing’ much like the Al Gore/Tipper fiascos in election. Remember the ‘kissing’ a few years back? Eeeewww. Aside from that, unless the peeps have input I like how this looks.

The Andy Dick Fucktard Region

1. Kevin Federline (Last Week #1)
2. Peyton Manning (Last Week #15)
3. Nick Cannon (Last Week #2)
4. Quentin Tarrentino (Last Week #4)
5. Wilmer Valderrama (Last Week #5)
6. Flavor Flav (Last Week #6)
7. Terrell Owens (Last Week #3)
8. Ryan Seacrest (Last Week #7)
9. Bill O’Rielly (Last Week #10)
10. John Cena (Last Week #12)
11. Verizon Guy (Last Week #8)
12. David Spade (Last Week #9)
13. Alec Baldwin (Last Week #11)
14. Ray J (Last Week #15)
15. Rex Grossman (Last Week: Unranked)
16. Carson Daly (Last Week #13)

Oh wow, this has to be a Douchebrawl first. Peyton Manning jumps ALL THE WAY TO NUMBER TWO after the Super Bowl win. I have nothing against the Colts, but if there ever was a player that embodied a mascot, it is Peyton ‘El Kabong’ Manning. Also Rex Grossman takes the place of Jimmy Kimmel because…Rex Grossman is high on smack or something because he pulled a Chris Chandler on Sunday. Aside from that, like I said things look okay to me unless the peeps have input.

That is all for today. I will be back up on Friday for the Chachi Top 20 Countdown. There are three debuts, so there is a little spoiler action for you! I will try to have mock brackets up this weekend so make you choices on who you want in or out before the 16th! However, before I go...

Long ago, a war was waged between two of the most feared factions waged in a war that created was so awesome that is created what scientist call ‘The Big Bang’ and what Christians call…not…The Big Bang. The aftermath of the battle was so devastating that the two sides decided for the safety (and the lameness) of humanity that their battles would take place in secret. However, after the violent death of a leader of one side at the Battle of the Arena Bands in 1985 (Won by the ultimate of arena bands, Foreigner) the battles now take place in the plain sight of mortals. Very few have been able to view these battles first hand but those that do have reportedly had their eyes melted out by its uber-greateness. Today peeps, I give you a view of one of these wars. I give to you an account of the age old battle between…

PIRATES AND NINJAS!!!

Now you ask ‘How do pirates and ninjas fight? One is the most dominant force on land while the other is the most dominant force on sea! First off…who in the hell do you think you are questioning me?! Second off, because of that they decided to fight the way of the Gods. They way battles were intended to be fought. Not with knives, guns, missiles or mix tapes. But in the most natural of forms.

DANCE.

Yeah, I will be at Otakon this year. Hook or by crook. It's like a fucking nerd Mecca over there; I would finally belong! I will go and I shall be their king...

Chachi Out.

FEEL THE POWER OF CHACHI-MANIA!!

Morning peeps! Yes, it is mid-week and mid-day but hey I gotta make sure I keep in contact with those that made me who I am. Not saying that's a good thing because I'm FUCKED UP but thems the breaks. It seems the world has slowed down since the Super Bowl ended (or Peyton Bowl 2007) and it is a weird lull until baseball season starts. Which is like to-fucking-morrow or something. There is one thing that is going on this time of year that I am always interested in no matter how crappy it ends up being. WRESLEMANIA!!! Yes, I am kind of a pro wrestling fan. Although it's suckitude is rather high in the last few years with no Rock, Austin or Foley it has its moments. And with the force feeding of Batista (who will odds are end The Undertakers 14-0 record at Wrestlemania this year which SUCKS because he is a shitty performer) and John Cena (who should not be champ. They should have kept it on Edge and had the change at WMXXIII but that is why I’m not booking. At least he gets to beat Shawn Michaels. The more that prick gets beat the better) it doesn’t look like it is gonna get any better.

It is sad because there are a lot of guys I would watch as contenders or champion (Mr. Kennedy has grown as me, and don’t even get me started on the awesomeness that is Edge) and yet they stick with the most TALENTLESS ASSHATS as belt holders. Yes, I know Cena has improved but he still sucks. Batista can’t have a good match unless HHH or Mr. Kennedy carry him and despite his impressive physique, Lashley STILL looks bigger than him. As someone who was a huge wrestling fan in the mid/late 80’s up until like 1998 it pisses me off to see the way this looks now. Remember back when we had Hogan, Randy Savage and The Ultimate Warrior (worth watching just to hear his interviews)

WHOA....O_0

Don’t even get me started on Bret Hart. He was the ONLY reason I watched wrestling until 1998 anyway. Combine that the guilty pleasure that was Japanese wrestling (which RULES ALL. I like that more that UFC and MMA solely because those men put it down) and wrestling was actually entertaining.

So to look back to the days of my youth, today’s post will be one of my favorite wrestling match of ALL TIME! Yeah, I have enough experience to do this. I beat WWF Superstars in the arcade with Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Big Bossman. NO ONE CAN CLAIM THAT!! I also beat The Undertaker on hard in Wrestlemania 2000 for the N64, and that shit is hardcore. Like fighting a bear with a plastic mallet covered in honey.

I have the distinction of only buy one pay-per-view and it being canned as one of the worst EVER. Wrestlemania 13 SUCKED but had the Bret Hart (w00t!!!1!) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin ‘I Quit Match’ which made up for the rest of the show and justified my purchase to see that bad boy live.

Wrestlemania 13: 3/23/1997
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin
I Quit Match

God, the ending of that match STILL KICKS ASS! No one tells a story in the ring like Bret Hart and before Austin became Robocop with the two knee braces and neck surgeries he could kick ass like no ones business. This match MADE Austin and kind of ended Bret as he was losing his spot in the company TO Austin and was cool with that but Shawn ‘The Fucktard Kid’ Michaels wanted to be the guy that made him and we all saw how that worked out in Montreal. Just Google ‘Montreal Screwjob’ if you are interested. You odds are will have to wade through some porn but it is an interesting story. It is why I can’t stand Vince McMahon to this day.

These two kicked the SHIT out of each other and despite the violent nature of the match were actually pretty good friends outside of the ring. Bret gets a bad rap for the last few years of his career and had some bad breaks (the concussion, the stroke) but he carried the WWF from about 1992 until 1995-ish when Vince wanted Shawn to be the next big thing, even though there was a pretty quiet majority that still felt he was the guy. But the Gutten-something Effect says teenage girls screaming will multiply and that was that. Austin meanwhile (along with THE ROCK, not Triple H) carried the WWF to the high times in 1999-2001. We know what The Rock is doing now after his success but I always felt Austin (when healthy) put on a better match. Nowhere near as entertaining as The Great One (no one is or ever will be) but the matches were better. Compare his matches with Mick Foley to The Rock’s and you will see a huge difference. And Austin was a cripple.

Back to the match. This was the second in a series of three (Bret won the first one at the Survivor Series in 1996) matches that was to end at Wrestlemania 13 with Austin returning the favor and winning the belt from him. Yeah, that didn’t work out. A third match would have ruled all IMHO but we will never know. This is one of the few matches I can watch without fast forwarding through the dead parts. It’s like an album you don’t want to skip a track on. That good. I know none of the people that read this on MySpace are wrestling fans (rightfully so, it kind of sucks now except for Samoa Joe and that is more by default. Oh, and Cryme Time rules. Racism can be funny!) but hey, my blog my rules. Besides, learning is fun. Except for the Turks because of their tiny, tiny brains. Oh yeah, I went there.

Time to go back to watching Venture Brothers. He is a bit of the Swedish killing machine…

Funniest moment of 2006. Bar none. Well, I will be back tomorrow with Doucheology and will try to have current brackets up this weekend. Also, I am changing the bracket set date to 2/16/2007 to give a full six days of office pools and water cooler talk about who will win this year! Also I get paid that day so you know what that means. SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY!

Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out

Hey, What Can I Say. There Is No God.

Right about the result, not about the score. What can I say, who needs drama when PRINCE IS ALL IN YOUR FACE RAWKIN IT OUT?! Congratulations to the Colts. Fuck Peyton Manning in his stupid head. That is all.

I'm calling it now....

TENNESSEE TITANS vs. ATLANTA FALCONS in SUPER BOWL XLII!!!

I can dream, can't I? Two Black quarterbacks starting in a Super Bowl? Yeah, that sounds nice.

Stay up, peeps and enjoy the week.

Oh, and I think I will do a Valentine's Day rant this year.

Two words, peeps. Keep it real.

PRINCE PWNS YOU!

Prince is the fucking man. That is all, continue with your evening.

Are You Ready For Some Football? Seriously, We Need Full Participation Here!

Good afternoon, peeps! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!! I know I am! I SO want Peyton Manning to get his ass whooped on, but there is way too much hype on the guy. Although the Bears defense is TEN TIMES BETTER (even without Tommie Harris and Mike Brown) and their special teams is better (if Devin Hester returns a punt/kickoff for a TD, the Bears win BIG) and their running backs are top notch if not totally underrated (and don’t get me wrong, Joseph Addai is a stud) I think that the Colts have the CBS doesn’t what a moment like 2001 with Ray Lewis winning the MVP Award thing going for them. The Colts have a average defense (that gave up a SHITLOAD of yards and points to New England and played two one-dimensional teams in Baltimore and Kansas City so all they had to do was put 7 in the box) and we all know that their offense is very good, although they are struggling. Despite that, Viniteri is clutch and will give them points if they cross mid-field in any way shape or form. With all that being said its time for the FIRST EVER INSTALLMENT OF…

CHACHI’S SPORTS TODAY!!

Yeah, I started this last year but that didn’t work out so well (even though I DID pick Florida to win the NCAA's…and that’s all I got right) but now I have a name for it. Which means it will RULE! So today I will give you my pick for the biggest Super Bowl since the one before the last one because that game SUCKED. So did the commercials. Anyway, here we go.

Super Bowl XLI

Chicago Bears Vs. Indianapolis Colts

Okay, I have told you the set up so here it goes. Although the Bears have the better defense and the Colts have maybe the best offense in the league (aside from maybe the Cincinnati Bengals) it is going to come down to two things: special teams and turnovers. The kicking game is a wash with Robbie Gould and Adam Viniteri both kicking clutch kicks during the playoffs. It comes down to Devin Hester. He has been really quiet, going against good special teams defenses and being the cold of Chicago. The guy went to Tha U and is familiar with Joe Robbie/Pro Player so he is the turning point in this game. Give Rex Grossman a short field and it reduces his chances for mistakes. However, the Colts offense creates issues for the Bears unless Brian Urlacher covers EVERYONE. The Colts can score points, but the Bears proved they can too. The difference is they score them at the EXPENSE of the other team with big defensive and special teams play. Peyton has proven he will give the ball up and they Bears prove they will take it. With Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison being rather small I can see two to three fumbles from strips and hard ass hits. Quite simply, if the Bears want to win, their defense has to score and their offense needs to kill the clock with the run and get points when they can. For the Colts to win….the fix has to work. Or their offense needs to keep the Bears D on the field. The way I look at it, the more they throw, the more likely the Bears will get a big turnover so expect to see a shitload of running from both teams. In the end, I have two picks. And here they are…

What I THINK Will Happen:

I think the Bears D keeps the Colts out of the endzone for the most part and plays field position, much like the Ravens did earlier. However, the Bears have more weapons on offense and THE BEST special teams in the NFL and that becomes the difference. Hester returns a short punt for a touchdown while the defense plays stout enough to get a 10 point lead late, and in the end Peyton is forced to throw and gas a big INT retuned for a TD to seal it.

Bears 23
Colts 13
MVP: Thomas Jones or Devin Hester

What Is GOING To Happen:

The Colts have everything to lose in this. So many years of almost getting there is great drama and CBS needs a BIG GAME after the last two Super Bowls being poorly rated and received (remember Janet’s titty? I know I do! Still got it on tape!). Not only that, the Bears DO have their weaknesses (hit or miss rushing defense, Rex Grossman is the football version of Bruce Banner) and those play to the Colts strengths. But let’s face it here; it is about Peyton Manning. America loves that horse-faced fucker. What is going to happen is a close game early and then to big plays to Dallas Clark change the face of the game. All of a sudden the Bears are forced to play catch-up and the game is put in to Rex Grossman’s hands. And you know what? HE ALMOST DOES IT. Rex leads a furious comeback and the Bears defense tightens up at the end to make it tied after a long touchdown drive in the 4th…leaving Peyton with 2:18 to lead the Colts down the field for the winning field goal. Peyton gets the sooooo close and then A.V. comes out for a 51 yarder at the gun….and hits it. It hurts, but CBS needs suspense with the commercials sucking. Peyton gets the monkey off his back with big close wins over the Patriots and Bears.

Colts 34
Beas 31
MVP: Peyton ‘Seabiscuit’ Manning
GOD I HATE HIM!!!

So yeah, those are my picks. The last one is what is gonna happen and that pisses me off. Eh, thems the breaks.

Okay, something real quick. As you all know, I like manga. Minus yaoi because that’s the devils reading. However….since when did Avril Lavigne need a fucking manga?! Manga needs ninjas, giant robots, half dressed school girl and demons! Or just a book about giant robot ninjas piloted by half dressed school girls that fight demons! Whoa…I may have created the greatest manga EVER. Anyway, manga does NOT need s8ter bois! NO ONE NEEDS SK8TER BOIS!! THEY NEED TO BE BEAT WITH MOON ROCKS!! I am so sick of everything being manga. The day Paris Hilton gets a manga is the day that…oh shit a Jessica Simpson commercial. Why wont she just go away. What was I saying? Leave manga where it belongs. With nerds, otaku and perverts. Which…I am all three. *Sigh* I am so teh lame.

So I have heard some shit about my affinity (Yeah, I will use that word for now) for the Hinoi Team and them being under the Mason-Dixon line of age. I’m not stupid, I know it’s not legal. HERE anyway. You know who else I have a liking for? Ann Curry and Katie Couric.

Oh yeah, That is a pumpernickel rye swirl news sandwich I want to be the roast beef in. If you don’t get that joke then you don’t know funny. Seriously, it’s over for you. And yes I KNOW they are literally twice my age! I don't care, they's HAWT. I’m a man of extremes, peeps. That and I don’t know where all the women my age are. Oh, yeah THEY ARE WITH OTHER GUYS NOT ME BECAUSE I AM AN ASSHOLE. No falsity in that previous statement. Eh, time to do whenever I feel sad. No, not drink. WATCH KORIKKI!!


Then I drink. Well, enjoy the game everyone and I will be up this week for the new Doucheology rankings and the Countdown on Friday! Stay up, peeps.

Chachi Out.

Power In The Music

What’s up, peeps?! Yeah, it is late on a Thursday night and I am bringing the Countdown a tad bit early. I have a busy Friday tomorrow (well, not if the weather stays shitty) so I wanted to get this up and posted now rather than Saturday. What can I say, the Chachi loves the masses! First, we start with…

Bubbling Under!!

Mistah Fab – Ghost Ride It

First I have Mistah Fab. Yeah, I had never heard of him either. That was until this week. First off, you EVER sample Ray Parker Jr’s ‘Ghostbusters’ you better go hard or not at all. Well, all I can say is Mistah Fab did me proud. The first listen to this song, I will admit I went ‘WHO THE HELL LEFT THE GATE OPEN!’ Old BET joke. After the second time, I knew all the words. I’m sorry, this song is too right. That’s Monterey Jack for good. Rescue Rangers, fool! Anyway, this song rules and the video is downright hilarious. I seriously hate ghostriding, but this song kicks ass. Next I have a video that once again may be a shock.

Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’

Okay. Alright. I admit, I have a problem. I love the Hinoi Team. I can’t help it. They can sing, they can dance and they are SO DAMN CUTE. Sad part is that all of that is illegal in America, so my dreams are shot down. Too bad, because they have picked up the dancing skills since ‘Now And Forever’ and this song is quite groove-a-docious. We should see this on soon, trust me. If not on the Countdown, then just on my computer.

Enough stalling, time for the…

Chachi Top 20 Countdown!

20. Game – Let’s Ride (Last Week #14, Plunge of the Week)
So The Game has released a new video! Even better, it’s ‘Wouldn’t Get Far’ with Kanye West. You know, Kanye has finally shut the fuck up and let his music do the talking. Combine that with a Game with a HUGE chip on his shoulder and we should see that video soon. Until then, Let’s Ride is riding out…
19. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (New Entry)

Now this is officially my new favorite song. I even have it as my ringtone! Yeah, the E815 is a pretty badass phone. To bad the battery life is 20 fucking minutes. So the video for this song is simple as hell. Just Namie walking. It’s about the lyrics, peeps. I will check for the karoke version of the video (I have it, but I don’t want to put it on YouTube with out the subbers permission) but until then, just enjoy. Namie is good stuff.
18. UVERworld - Kimi no Suki na Uta (Last Week #16, #1 for four weeks)
Two more weeks until judgement day. THE ALBUM BETTER COME OUT! YOU HEAR ME?! DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO WHOOP YOUR ASSES!! That is all.
17. TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R. (Last Week #20)
Speaking of Kanye, here is teaming up with the TERIYAKI BOYZ. This song is actually a good show of what happens when good ideas come together. This song had a chance to suck complete ass (which is the trend of music as of late) but instead it is hip hop goodness. That and TERYAKI BOYZ are better than Dem Franchise Boys. I’m just saying.
16. Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead (Last Week #13)
Hip hop ain’t dead fool! But it is on life support. Something about Nas’s album just doesn’t sit right with me. I was expecting….well more. I mean it was good but with such a hiatus (and the CRAPITUDE which was his last two albums) I figured this would be his comeback like StILLMATIC was. Not bad, just not great. This song has worn on my nerves, too.
15. Rain (Bi) – In My Bed (Last Week #17)

WELL DUH! Of course Bi moves up this week! Funky fresh dance moves + nice cars + kick ass ballad = Moves up two spots! No word on a ‘Man Up’ video either. Pissing me off….
14. Bennie K – Joy Trip (Last Week #11, #1 for one week)
*Sigh* no new Bennie K on the horizon. Been stuck watching the ‘Bennie K Show Special’ not like that is a punishment or anything. Because Yuki is damn fine. Warms me up on this cold winters evening.
13. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #15)

So Evanescence makes another bid for the Top Ten. ‘Call Me When You Are Sober’ did make it all the way to number two, but a juggernaught by the name of John Legend kept Amy Lee and Co at bay. Can they get their swagger back? We’ll see!
12. John Legend – Heaven (Last Week #9, #1 for two weeks)
Speaking of the king, he has a new video out! Although ‘Where Did My Baby Go’ is the single, ‘P.D.A’ is the new video and it has a vibe kind of like Musiq’s ‘Love’ video. Just all nice and warm inside. You WILL see it soon.
11. Koda Kumi – Twinkle (Last Week #12)
SO Kumi Koda tries to spread her….hotness on the Top Ten, inching up to number 11. Thought I was gonna go someplace else with that, didn’t you? HA! I’m not all dirty jokes and anger. Yeah…actually I am.
10. RBD (Rebelde) – Ser o Parecer (Last Week #7)

Speaking of anger, WHERE IN THE HELL IS ‘WANNA PLAY’!! The more you keep Anahi from me, the worse it gets for America because I will go POM-FUCKING-PEII on the world if I don’t get my fix! DAMN YOU!!
9. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #18, Biggest Mover)
Aaaahhhh, this makes me feel better. So I officially am calling Daughtry ‘The People’s Champ’ because he is the REAL winner of American Idol! Taylor Hicks and Clay Aiken can take their contracts, turn them sumbitches sideways and stick them up their CANDY ASSES! Although Clay might just like that….
8. Rain (Bi) – I’m Coming (Last Week # 4)
So the best dance sequence since ‘Give It To You’ by Jordan Knight isn’t enough to keep Bi from falling four spots out of the Top Five. Even though he has another song on here, this song still rules.
7. Halcali – Look (Last Week #10)
So I am getting a lot of shit about this song. I don’t know WHY because this song is fun and catchy. Best thing going since Funkytown. I still say that song should be the national anthem. Anyway, Halcali moves three spots this week.
6. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right (Last Week #3, #1 for three weeks)
Yes, this song still rules all. I was watching the live performance (from I THINK the American Music Awards) and all everyone could do was say ‘Damn, who’s that?’ That’s Nelly Furtado, bitches. And she is HOT. Oh, check out her album. ‘Loose’ was only trumped out by Once Again (by the MAN John Legend) and the Idlewild Soundtrack (spaced on that bad boy for the Chachi’s. My bad) as the best album of the year. Well worth a purchase.
5. Omarion – Ice Box (Last Week #6)

So Omarion cracks the Top Five this week. Yeah, I never would have thought it either. With as many times as I have threatened his life (I think I’m up to 17 times now) I never thought he would make it this far. However, here he is with a kick ass song. Miracles happen everyday, peeps
4. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #5)
May J creeps up a little more, slowly but surely. Oh, and this is another one people are like ‘Damn!’ when they see the video. Because she is, as Griff would say, tight bangin. That means she’s attractive. I’m the Griff-to-English translator.
3. T.I. feat Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Big Kuntry, & B.G. – Top Back (Remix) [Last Week #8]

It has been too cold to have my top let back and my beat down low, so this is as close as I can get. I just downloaded the BET Awards live performance of this (Sans Young Jeezy because I guess he was in the bathroom or something) and I must say that T.I. gives a very inspired live performance. After watching rappers just stand around and NOT EVEN RAP (I’m looking at YOU, Curtis Jackson) it’s nice to see someone go all out on a live show. Because of that, T.I. cracks the Top Three again. Last time he was here, he set a record. But What You Know About That? HAHAHAHAHAHA….got to hell, it’s funny.
2. Young Jeezy – I Love It (Last Week #2)

So Young Jeezy stays at the runner up spot this week. I keep hearing he has a new video, but I am not home to check and I avoid rap videos like the plague for the most part. Even still, the man has TWO of the Top Three songs this week! John Legend, Nelly Furtado and UVERworld never accomplished that (although ‘The World came close with Shamrock and Kimi no Suki na Uta in the Top Five)! Quite the accomplishment, Snowman! However, he didn’t get the ULTIMATE prize. That goes to…
1. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #1, #1 for two weeks)

Hells yes! People can hate all they want, if you don’t like this song there is something wrong with you. Yui holds down the Number One spot for the second straight week with the opening for a rejuvenated Bleach (although they might have change the intro, its about that time with the Annacar/Viziard arc beginning). On a sad note, I need to REDOWNLOAD her movie because it kept crashing my Windows Explorer. Probably because of her hotness. Even still, if anyone knows where I can get a non-corrupted copy let me know. Until then, Yui holds on to the top spot again.

Well, that is all for the Countdown for now! Can Yui tie Nelly Furtado for the longest reign of 2007 at three weeks? Or will Young Jeezy finally knock her from the perch? Or can T.I. and the Southern Boys get the Top Back? Heh, wordplay. I am so awesome. Look out, May J, Omarion and even Halcali are closing in. Tune in next Friday to find out the results! By then I should have the playlist up so you can listen to the songs all you want! Or until I lose my webspace. Eh, that’s life. Stay up, peeps!

Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

(Update: The playlist is up! It is at the bottom of the page on Blogger and on my profile in MySpace. Listen to your hearts content! Let me know if it doesn’t work, it was kind of iffy this evening. Enjoy!)

(Update #2: MyFlashFetish is kind of pissing me off. It DOESNT WORK IN BLOGGER AND THE MYSPACE IS BLOCKED. Just coming up Milhouse. I'll work on it Saturday)

Doucheology 201

Good evening, peeps! There won't be an update tomorrow (CAN YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME?!) so I wanted to get the updates out. Here it is, hot off the presses...

DOUCHEOLOGY!!!

Yeah, it's time for the second week of rankings to set up the event of 2007! There has been some movement this week, it sets up for some Douche Madness in Feburary!! Let's get started!

The 50 Cent Musicians Region

1, Bono (Last Week #1)
2. Diddy (Last Week #2)
3. Clay Aiken (Last Week #3)
4. Eminem (Last Week #4)
5. Toby Keith (Last Week #5)
6. Nelly (Last Week #6)
7. Fall Out Boy (Last Week #7)
8. The Fray (Last Week #8)
9. Dave Matthews Band (Last Year #9)
10. Fergie (Last Week #13)
11. James Blount (Last Week #10)
12. Snoop Dogg (Last Week #12)
13. Akon (Last Week # 11)
14. Gwen Stefani (Last Week #14)
15. Usher (Last Week #15)
16. Cowboy Troy (Last Week: Unranked)

Out: Carrie Underwood

No real changes in the Musician Region. Cowboy Troy is in unless the peeps give me a reason not to have him on here. Trust me, listen to his work and you will know his crapitude. Aside from that, Snoop moved ahead of Akon because I REALLY LIKE Sweet Escape. But ‘I Wanna Luv U’ sucks. Prince called, he wants you to use full words. Oh, and Fergie moves up in the seeding because she is a fucking man. Look at her and tell me I’m wrong. Ugly face makes my penis soft

The George Lucas Actor/Actress Region

1. Mel Gibson (Last Week #1)
2. Ashton Kutcher (Last Week #2)
3. George Clooney (Last Week #3)
4. Nick Cage (Last Week #4)
5. Ben Affleck (Last Week #5)
6. Jack Black (Last Week #6)
7. Leonardo DiCaprio (Last Week # 7)
8. Colin Farrel (Last Week # 8)
9. Heath Ledger (Last Week #9)
10. Hayden Christensen (Last Week #10)
11. Russell Crowe (Last Week #11)
12. Paul Walker (Last Week #12)
13. Julia Roberts (Last Week #13)
14. Benicio Del Toro (Last Week #14)
15. Brad Pitt (Last Week #15)
16. Vin Diesel (Last Week #16)

(Outs: None)
No changes in the Actor/Actress Region. This is all dependent on how Ghost Rider is. If Nick Cage screws this up (which is looking quite possible) he may move into the Top Three seeds. Aside from that, things look pretty much set.

The Heather Graham Trollop Whore Region

1. Paris Hilton (Last Week #2)
2. Tara Reid (Last Week #1)
3. Britney Spears (Last Week #4)
4. Angelina Jolie (Last Week #3)
5. Nicole Ritchie (Last Week #12)
6. Lindsay Lohan (Last Week #7)
7. Cameron Diaz (Last Week #5)
8. Jessica Simpson (Last Week #6)
9. Tyra Banks (Last Week: Unranked)
10. Pamela Anderson (Last Week #8)
11. Janet Jackson (Last Week #9)
12. Kumi Koda (Last Week #10)
13. Jennifer Lopez (Last Week #11)
14. Katie Holmes (Last Week: Unranked)
15. Drew Barrymore (Last Week #14)
16. Paula Abdul (Last Week: Unranked)

(Outs: Sarah Jessica Parker, Courtney Love, Pussycat Dolls)
Okay, major shake up here. First of, Paris is officially a whore (TOTALLY NSFW! BEWARE KIDS!). I don’t toss that around a lot and I feel bad for calling the women in here that word. But…she really is. Partying is one thing, being a braindead trollop is another. Oh, and Nicole Ritchie makes a huge jump. COCAINE?! What the fuck? If its true, what would Lionel say? Hello? Is it DEATH YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?! Nolan would laugh. Tyra jumps in to the mix, not because she’s gained weight (I kind of digs that actually. I would hit that if Nick Cannon hadn’t) but because she is all pissy about it. And she is a bitch on two confessions (Jen and my sister BOTH said she was a two faced uber-bitch and I kind of trust them). Katie Holmes jumps in this week after showing her fucking gully-hole (NSFW. Yeah, I was scared) to the world. Sad…just sad. At least we all know that we saw her tang before Tom did. WHOA! Oh, and Paula Abdul just pisses me off. To think I used to be in love with you.

The Andy Dick Fucktard Region

1. Kevin Federline (Last Week #1)
2. Nick Cannon (Last Week #2)
3. Terrell Owens (Last Week #3)
4. Quentin Tarrentino (Last Week #4)
5. Wilmer Valderrama (Last Week #5)
6. Flavor Flav (Last Week #6)
7. Ryan Seacrest (Last Week #7)
8. Bill O’Rielly (Last Week #10)
9. Verizon Guy (Last Week #8)
10. David Spade (Last Week #9)
11. Alec Baldwin (Last Week #11)
12. John Cena (Last Week #12)
13. Carson Daly (Last Week #13)
14. Ray J (Last Week: Unranked)
15. Peyton Manning (Last Week #15)
16. Jimmy Kimmel (Last Week #16)

Okay, not much here. Bill O’Rielly moves up after going on The Colbert Report and making a fool of himself. Here is the thing: Stephen Colbert is funny. Humor isn’t your thing, Bill. It’s crushing the spirit of the Left. Leave the jokes (and real news) to Stephen. Oh, and Ray J gets in for dating Whitney Houston and banging Paris V.2 Kim Kardashian on film. More jealousy on my part, but I still hate him because like Nick Cannon, is famous with no real talent to show for it while John Ritter and Marvin Gaye are dead. I fucking hate you.

Those are the ranking for this week. Any suggestions or votes let me know. I will be back Friday for the Chachi Top 20 Countdown so until then, stay up peeps! Oh wait, one thing. Look at this video and tell me whats wrong:

WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU TRANSFORM INTO A MOTORCYCLE OR CAR WHEN YOU CAN FUCKING FLY?! God, the Go-Bots sucked it so damn dry. Anyway, be back on Friday with the Countdown.