What is up, people! First order of business: I am going to try to get the Douchebrawl polls set up tomorrow. It is over a month late and I need to get on it. The kick off will be next Sunday but I will try to get all the code done tomorrow. I apologize for the lateness but I will get it fixed.
Secondly, time for what makes this blog what it is: randomness. If you have been reading this you know of my love-hate relationship with Naruto. I loved the first episodes that I got on MiRC and then all of a sudden after Sasuke left it started to suck and I didn’t know why. After it was explained to me that the last….120+ episodes were FUCKING FILLER AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT I said “fuck this” and took up Zach’s offer to copy his Bleach folder and the rest is history (I fought that for months until he just said to stop masturbating and watch it. That line is also how I got him to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I guess it's why we boys). So I guess I have to thank the sucking of Naruto for making me give Bleach a second chance because I thought it was boring for the first three episodes. Too bad I invested like 40 episodes into that shitball before I realized Bleach ruled its face.
However, I have taken up to reading the manga of Naruto after the “Naruto v. Orochimaru” arc on the show and all I can say is that Naruto may just be the most bad-ass thing I ever read . Seriously, I am just as shocked as you are! I was totally expecting the manga to suck like it had the show had last year or so (I was not feeling the Naruto vs. Orochimaru fight anyway) but I was dead wrong. This shit gets GOOD! I mean real good! I am reading Bleach and Naruto at the same time now and I am almost caught up on Naruto (I am about 11 volumes behind, about 379 I believe) and I have a few spoilers that I am not going to say but I will let you know a few things:
· Sasuke = Sephiroth. Yes, I said it and I am shocked. Just know that he goes from emo-bitch boy crying about how much his life is pain and suffering to one evil motherfucker. I mean a Puppy punting, kitten eating, midget raping asshole in the vein of Bowser and Dark Force. From…the Phantasy Star series. Yes…I am a nerd. Sue me. · Naruto is no longer a punk bitch, either: Okay, most of this has to do with his American voice actor. The Japanese voice actor is AWESOME and the fight between Sasuke and Naruto was enhanced by their work. However, in the manga Naruto is not the whiney tennage her was in the original. He is a tad too emo for my tastes but better to be emo than a fucking pussy. Yes, I know they are pretty much the same thing. Oh, I went there. · Brother vs. Brother! Yes, Sasuke and Itachi FINALLY get it on Bret Hart v. Owen Hart in a steel cage style! Not going to ruin it but if you are a fan the fight it’s worth the wait. If you aren’t you want to do some research because it is heavily backstory laden. Even still, it’s awesome! · FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Now I for one HATED the giant toad bullshit. I don’t get the whole “ninjas and toads” thing. If someone does, please let me know. But the battles in the manga make up for the crapitude that was the filler and the dumb stuff of the first arcs. People lose limbs, vital organs and even torsos! Which I guess falls in the vital organs portion. · Orochimaru gets it: VGCats had it right: the dude is a fucking pedophile.
Now don’t get it twisted, I am all about the Hueco Mundo Arc in Bleach. If you are looking now, here comes a spoiler but I THINK Zaraki is about to achieve bankai and that noise you heard last night was my hardest & loudest orgasam since I powered up Final Fantasy VII for the first time. With that being said, Naruto is creeping up and making up for a whole shitload of shitty shit shit by rocking the box. So, I apologize for the mean things I said about the manga. The dubbing still sucks ass though.
Okay, now for a tad bit of an offensive observation. Why are about ½ of the Japanese restaurants here owned by Koreans? Does Japan know about this? Emperor Hirohito is turning in his grave! What is even weirder is that they act like we don’t know what’s going on! I went to my “How To Differentiate Between Asians” classes! Bi looks nothing like Gackt! Although both are hella hot. Ai Otsuka and Bae Seul Gi look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: Again, I want to be the roast beef in that potato bread sandwich. Most importantly you racist bastards, SAKE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE SOJU!!! Both taste the exact same: like delicious, delicious pain. Not complaining, just an observation and I found it weird. It’s like white people running all the Popeye’s. ZING! Also, why is there never any music playing in any kind of Asian restaurant. I understand you want to accommodate the customer but if I go to get me some bulgogi I don’t want to listen to Rick Astley. I just don’t. I want to hear some Minwoo:
Like Bi V.2 I swear. I go to a restaurant that serves food from another country I don’t need to feel like I am still in America. I don’t want to hear Beyonce while I drink sake. Give me so “Yatta!” or something! Maybe I am just nitpicking but still.
Oh, and for people that cannot handle sake: you are not a real drinker. That is all. You are a punk, a coward and you are no better than a drunk Irishman. Or an Irishman. They are one in the same. That is all for now, I may be back tomorrow but until next time, stay up.
We start with the longest staying video in Countdown history!
20. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1) The (disputed) Queen of the Countdown holds on for one more week! The ride is pretty much over, but after almost six months who is complaining or holding it against her? 19. James Morrison – You Give Me Something (New Entry)
This was a video that almost made it on a few weeks ago but it was hell trying to find the video for it. Now I have and it is brilliant in its simplicity. I love this song STILL even though it’s rather old. James Morrison will be the next John Mayer as the “white dude with soul.” Bet on it. 18. Foxxi MisQ – X.B.F. (New Entry)
Well, I knew as soon as I saw this video it was going to be on here and so did you. I love Foxxi MisQ and so should you. It has been almost 8 months since “Gloss” and they have been missed. Most importantly…DEM GREW HER HAIR OUT!!! HAWT! 17. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #15) NEW TM REVOLUTION COMING SOON! 16. Erykah Badu - Honey (Last Week #19) Miss Badu moves up three big spots this week. Can she lay claim to the Queen of the Countdown throne? 15. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #14, One Week at #1) May J falls a spot this week as there is nothing new from what I can see so far. 14. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #12) New video by Snoop! Havent seen it yet, but I am a fan of the song itself, which is a rarity for his Dogg-ness. 13. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #16) Hearts Grow once again is moving up the Countdown. Where is an album from them? Three singles over a calendar year and nothing? Who do they think they are, Namie Amuro?! 12. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #10, One Week at #1) Alicia out of the Top 10 doesn’t feel right. 11. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #12)
This week Yui only moves up one spot as she looks for her fifth Top Ten video! 10. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #11) For the third time in a row, Mihimaru GT hits the top half! 9. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #6) Sowelu falls three big spots this week. New video though, so not all that bad. 8. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #9)
Mmm….Anahi. 7. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #4, Two Weeks at #1) For the first time since November, we don’t have a NaNa video in the Top Five! That is quite a run for this young lady. 6. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #7) UVERworld is making its way up this week, hopping up one more spot. Seems to be slowing a bit though…. 5. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #8) Bennie K is back in the Top 5 after three weeks! I just got the single last night and it was everything I ever dreamed of! And Yuki…I missed you, baby. 4. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2) After two weeks in the runner up spot, HAMC could not take the throne! Still love this video, though. 3. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #5)
We have a familiar battle going on right now! Nelly Furtado moves up to the number three spot, giving her FIVE videos to make it this high! However, just ahead of her is… 2. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #3)
….Mr. Legend who is looking for his fourth number one video! However, he is held back by what may be the supergroup of 2008! 1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Three Weeks at #1)
For the third week in a row, CRS takes the top spot on the Countdown! They have the longest running number one video of this short 2008 and they look to make it even more! Congrats, guys!
That is all for this Friday! Tune in next week to see if CRS can make it a full month on top! Or will John Legend get his record breaking fourth number one? Or can Nelly Furtado take the top spot for the second time? It’s an all star battle as Bennie K and UVERworld are just behind! It is going to be a rockin spring for music videos!
Well, I think I am going out for sake and sushi tonight and after that I am not sure. But until then, stay up.
So, my former baby boo Kumi Koda (Fellas, watch her video for "Juicy" and tell me you never look at peaches and bottles the same way again) had this to say about the wombs of women over the age of 35. Well, seeing as how I have had to deal with this conversation twice in the past 12 months (Yeah…my life really went downhill after college) all I can say is that….dammit it’s science! Just like at some point the troops stop marching, the land is no longer fertile. It’s just life. Now at 35 that may be a bit young. At least I hope so because that has been my clientele as of late and I at least want ONE kid that I can mentally destroy by the time they hit high school.
People need to get off of this “women should age gracefully” bullshit. All women aren’t Tina Turner and you know what? Her womb is barren just like any other 87 year old woman. All that shaking and all them beatings put a halt to the baby making. The womb becomes barren just like the seed no longer falls. Deal with it.
With that being said, can I just say that when I wave and say hello….there is no need to mean mug me. I am dead serious. This has become an epidemic AGAIN, as it was an issue in college but that was because my best friend was a white girl (That um…I kind of dated and that worked out shittingly) and black women pretty much felt like I betrayed them and the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. Who also reportedly banged white chicks so in essence I am more like the great civil rights leader than most other black men sans the actual getting some part. Anyway, I am naturally a cordial (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHIT THAT’S FUNNY!) person so I will make eye contact and say hello to anyone, male or female. With dudes I have little problems aside from the niggas that have to bang on e’ry thang like a Bloods and Crips album and to them I say get a real life and a real fucking job. Gang banging isn’t tax deductable and has no fucking 401K so get with the real world or eat a dick. When it comes to women…they seem to look at me like I called them a cockslot and told them to “STAND AND DELIVER” and by “stand” I mean “kneel” and by “deliver” I mean “suck my wang.” I mean is all that needed? I don’t ogle, I don’t make rude comments and I never do the LL Cool J lip lick which just screams that he is gay. That’s cool if that is your thing, but LL Cool J is hard as hell….for the cock. He loves it.
Griff (or as I call him Baxter because he is like a miniature Buddha despite being Muslim) says I am looking too much into it but this has been going on for about three months now (during Christmas time when I spent a lot of time in Denver on the weekends especially) and I am really beginning to worry whether I just give off the vibe of “FUCK YOU, NIGGA!” I mean seriously, am I THAT unlikeable? I mean my family doesn’t like me but that is justified. They don’t even know me. Griff also said to chalk it up to a bad day but what are the odds that every woman that I see and say hello to is having a bad day? I mean come on! Also, one last thing as a female friend of mine actually said that it could be seen as sexual to make eye contact and say hello. First off, who in the hell do you think you are?! Let something be known right now. Get over yourself because….
NOT EVERY MAN IS TRYING TO FUCK YOU IF THEY LOOK AT YOU.
I mean I know I’m no Matthew McTimberlakefron but I am really not interested in fucking YOU as much as I am not interested in fucking a dude I say “what’s up” to in passing. Again, I am not sure that is the case but if it is, piss off. It’s women like you that encourage chauvinism because if you expect men to think of you only as sex objects, it is what you will get perceived or true. Self-fulfilling prophecy, ladies.
I am out for now. It is totally bedtime. Just had to get that off my chest before I laid out for the night.
Sorry peeps. I seem to have caught a cold on Saturday or something because yesterday I felt like crap and today I can hardly move. Due to those circumstances, I will be pushing back Douchebrawl 2008 until NEXT SUNDAY. Or once I get things up, I dont know yet. I am going to lay back down now. Until I get back, let's play the name game!
Let's do Plucky! Heh, worth a shot. I loved Tiny Toons.
You know what time it is! Valentine's Day is over and it is time for life to return to it's regular programming! It's time for the...
Chachi's Top 20 Video Countdown!
We begin with a video on its way out of the Countdown!
20. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #17) It looks like Bow Wow and Omarion are spending their final weeks on the Countdown as their latest video falls three more spots to begin the chart. Bow Wow is really beginning to get on my nerves with his “lil thug” routine, BTW. 19. Erykah Badu - Honey (New Entry)
Miss Badu….or Andre Three Stacks babymama…is back! I totally love this video! It is good to see her back after some lackluster performances since she rocked Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. Hopefully she will stay in the limelight this time because she has been missed! Oh, and love the Ohio Players album cover. 18. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1) After a near SIX MONTH run, it looks like NaNa’s first video is finally about to leave the Countdown. It is officially the longest running video in history and that title is well deserved because I STILL listen to this song and watch this video. I needs more NaNa! 17. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #14) So it looks like Zeebra has hit his peak as well. Luckily, he has a new video out right now and at first glance its pretty good. I mean, it has samurai! 16. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #18)
Hearts Grow moves up two spots this week as they slowly move their way back up the Countdown. You know, three singles and I would figure an album should be on the way shortly. 15. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #13) WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE NEW TM REVOLUTION ALBUM?! 14. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #10, One Week at #1) Mmmm, the former number one video falls out of the Top 10 for the first time since 2007. Sadly it may be a long time before I get my fix because she has already released her album. Damn it. 13. Yui – Namidairo (Last Week #20, Biggest Mover) Well guess who is looking for her fifth Top Ten video! Yui moves up a huge seven spots this week and right outside the upper echelon. My god, this means a new Yui album is coming soon. And I will be coming soon, too. Yes, that is a metaphor. 12. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #8) Snoop falls from the Top 10 this week after coming so close to the top he could taste it. Does he have another video in him? 11. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #16)
After two slow weeks, Mihimaru GT is one step away from their third Top 10 video! Hiroko is fricking hot even though the dress leaves a lot to be admired. Yes, I would love to take that out for Valentine’s Day. 10. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #6, One Week at #1) My Valentine baby boo has almost fallen out of the Top 10! Noooooooo! 9. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #11) RBD has only their second video on the Countdown but the look to recapture the success of “Ser O Paracer” from 2006. Oh, and they aren’t coming to Denver for their fucking tour, either. Damn it! 8. Bennie K – Monochrome (Last Week #12) Bennie K is back in the Top 10! You know, they have been lo-key about it but they have had four Top 10 videos including a number one video with “Joy Trip.” Shocking to me that my favorite band ever is below the radar but they keep on coming! 7. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #9)
We are into the familiar faces territory now with Bennie K before and now UVERworld! Can Takuya and the boys keep moving strong after a surprisingly good album but nothing new on the horizon? We will see! 6. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #5) After making the Top Five, Sowelu falls a spot to number six. Screw that, NEW SOWELU VIDEO! And my god is she hot. Just HOT HOT HOT! HOOOOOOOOT! 5. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #7) Nelly Furtado is looking for her second number one video as she pulls herself into the Top Five! It looks like she may be going head to head with John Legend again for the first time in almost a year! Can she win the rubber match? 4. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #3, Two Weeks at #1) NaNa falls only one spot this week as she hangs on to the Top 5. Okay, unless someone pulls of something major it looks like NaNa will be the artist of 2008. No argument here. 3. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #4)
John Legend is ONCE AGAIN in the Top Three as he looks for his fourth number one video. Can John make history? 2. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #2)
For the second straight week, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR holds on to the runner up spot. However…NEW HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR! My god, I am so looking forward to a new album from them. I mean god damn they kick your face! With HAMC at number two, that means the number one video remains the same… 1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
CRS and Thom Yorke hold the top spot once again! Lupe Fiasco has always been a favorite of mine and his new video “Dumb It Down” may be the truest song I have ever heard. Kanye’s “Flashing Lights” however….not so much. What the hell is going on in that thing?! Either way, this video looks to be camping out for a long time. Congratulations!
That is all for this week! Can the super group of CRS hold on for a third straight week? Or can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR finally pull down the top spot? Or can John Legend make history and get his FOURTH number one video? Tune in next Friday to find out!
I will have the polls up for Douchebrawl 2008 Sunday night (I hope!) and voting will officially begin! Until then, it is Friday, I just got paid and I am TOTALLY getting tore up! Stay up, peeps! Diddy Out.
Yaaaaaay! It's Valentines Day! Hope all you had fun like I did. Another year of hanging outside a certain someone's window until she calls the cops and then going home to watch Korean dramas and listen to "Love Hurts" by Nazereth. Just kidding, the didnt really call the cops. She just turned the hose on me. Fucking BITCH.
Lastly, as if bros needed ANOTHER REASON NOT TO FUCKING BATHE AND LOOK LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE WITH iPODS! I just had the priviledge of seeing an antibacterial Axe Body Spray commercial. Um...remember the good old days of Ivory soap and a little bit of cologne? Remember that? Well, now we have bros that will play beer pong all night, grope and wrestle eachother until 3am and then wake up and spray Axe body spray on and that will solve all his problems of funk-a-nella. Anyone else find that shit gross or is it just me?
I will stick with my Lever 2000 and Versace thank you very much. AND WASH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! GEL IS NOT A HAIR CARE PRODUCT! You nasty mother fuckers. Bros are assrapers....literally:
BTW, any bar with PBR or Nati Ice on tap needs to be shut down or the patrons need to be shot up. You CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!
Well, it is about that time! The brackets have been set and I will be updating the site this weekend! Polls will be open odds are on Monday morning. This takes a while to get done and I have been busy with work so bear with me. It will be up and there will be a full week to vote this year rather than 5 days. More as details arrive. LET THE OFFICE POOLS BEGIN!! It's Douchebrawl time! One thing is for sure...
What is up, peeps?! Today is the first part of a three part post about my second most hated holiday:
VALENTINE’S DAY
Boys do I DESPISE Valentine’s Day. I personally believe that it is a government sanctioned holiday to convince the masses that in order to be happy or loved, you have be validate your existence with another person giving you stuff because some shitty day says so. Well, WOMEN get stuff. Men usually get tang because I guess women believe that the vag is just as good of currency as money but if fucking resulted in cash then Africa would be a superpower beyond all superpowers because all they DO is fuck. If AIDS was money, they would be the US and A.
So why do I hate Valentine’s Day so much? Well, most if it has to do with being single for about 24 of the 27 Valentine’s Days during my existence. However, when I wasn’t single (or as I call it, the Un-Halcyon Days) the holiday was even WORSE. So now I will give you the first part of….
WHY I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY
Reason #1: WAY TOO FEMALE-CENTRIC.
You know, I understand that women had it hard in this country like….70 years ago or so. You had to form your own baseball leagues, you had to march for your rights and you were forced to slave away in a kitchen for unappreciative white men that whipped you on general purpose. You know what? Today is not then. The fact that every commercial, every ad, every song for Valentine’s Day is geared toward women is the same way that all Christmas Ads are geared toward spoiled ass kids and dumb ass Christians who love the Jebus. If Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, isn’t love a two way street? Why in the fuck does the man have to get the gift, give the flowers and say “I love you by giving your material goods and perishable objects?” In return, usually a woman gives (from what I have heard) up the yakitori which proves that at the end of the day that women are whores in some way shape or form. In their defense, I am too but at least I admit it.
Reason #2: WAY TOO COMMERCIALIZED.
I have always said that for every good holiday there is a mascot with a shitload of money in its pocket behind it. Think about it. Christmas has that fat, slave driving, heavy drinking, woman beating, reindeer fucking Santa Claus (All of the aforementioned is true. Look at his MySpace profile) and of course everyone’s favorite hippie Jesus Christ. Oh, I went there. St. Patrick’s Day has the leprechaun Drunky McShitfaced while Labor Day has Pedro The Migrant Mexican Worker Bee. You know, I may be offensive but that shit was funny. I would have to say that Valentine’s Day has become one of the most profitable holidays out there and may be the most profitable in terms of high priced items. Think about it: no matter how shitty of a girlfriend you are, you get a gift. Not only that but because women are money-driven (Just admit it. It’s okay; looking for cheese don’t make you a hood rat) it has to be an expensive gift because a good chunk of women believe that your love is based off what you buy her. So that gift has to be pricey which drives up his debt and results in you not living in a nice house because you had to have a ring or necklace that you hardly wear because you don’t want dudes that buy you drinks at the club to think you are taken which is another rant altogether. Anyway, back to my point. Valentine’s Day isn’t about love and it never has been. It is about material goods and the exchange of for sex, love or….well I don’t know what else because I haven’t gotten the first and the second I have never truly felt. I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Is Ron Burgandy is correct (AND HE IS) love feels like…
Man, if sex is like steak, waffles, French fries and scotch then maybe I am looking at the love thing all wrong. Nah, nothing can be THAT good.
Reason #3: WAY TOO FUCKING FAKE.
So my big issue with Valentine’s Day is the fact of the fake importance attached to the day. I have seen people BREAK UP because one person (89% the man or “the top” for the homosexuals, 10% “the butch one” for lesbians and of course 1% for the horse because no matter what the horse has to buy the gift) forgot to make a big event out of Valentine’s Day for the other party. I never wanted to killed my parents because they never got me the Transformers rail road set that I fucking asked for every god damned year and never fucking got because they were evil. I never flipped out because during one of the few times I was dating my girlfriend never got me a green beer on St. Patrick’s Day or some Charleston Chew on Halloween. I loves me The Chew. Couples have been convinced to put so much stock in a day that really means nothing but an opportunity to buy the same shit as usual except in a pink and red color scheme and for significantly more money. Look at this logically: if someone can fuck you over for 364 days of the year and for one day of the year said person brings you flowers instead of the pain it makes all the previous days bullshit okay? It is the power of Valentine’s Day (I say this because I have seen it) and its really just dumb.
Reason #4: IT IS WAY TOO….EVERYWHERE!
Valentine’s Day wouldn’t piss me off so bad if every person wasn’t so giddy about the shit and wondering why I’m not doing anything. First off, no woman is crazy enough to date me and at the end of the day…I respect ya’ll for that. Secondly, I don’t need to go out with a person on a specific day because Hallmark and Russell Stover tell me to. I swear, the day after New Year’s the cupid swag was out IN FORCE. From sappy ass love songs (Although R&B is all niggas without shirts pining over some woman so it’s actually status quo) to TV specials to movies that are “date flicks” which I can’t see unless I take someone (I just want to see “Definitely Maybe!” Is that too much to ask?!) lest the beat me to death with a teddy bear to….well, teddy bears the reason for the season is pleasing. And I am none too pleased with the masses telling me I am the Valentine’s Day version of The Grinch:
Being single is never an issue on any other day and yet Valentine’s Day rolls around and all of a sudden because I don’t have a lady I am a damned pariah. It’s bullshit. Being single SUCKS and I don’t need it rubbed in my face every four minutes by TV or co-workers! I am tired of being vilified because I don’t support the shitty ass holiday by purchasing pointless gifts for a woman that odds are wont appreciate it or me anyway! *Sigh* I am a total train wreck.
Reason #5: IT’S NOT ABOUT ROMANCE, ITS ABOUT FINANCE.
Now EVERYTHING is about finance, don’t let anyone fool you. If Jesus didn’t have holes in his hands, he would take all the cash made from his “birthday” (BULLSHIT!!) and make it rain like a strip club after an NBA All-Star Game. Now the different between this and the commercialization is that businesses and the media create the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. It is THE PEOPLE that perpetuate it. People think that if someone gives them something expensive that it must be love. Once again, strip it down and look at it logically. Ladies, when a man buys you something small like let’s say a drink in a club for the sole purpose of getting those digits so he can stick his digits in you, normally (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m being ironic here) you wouldn’t fall for that. Because you say you aren’t a whore right? However if a man takes you out to a nice dinner on Valentine’s Day (and some of you are uber-sluts so any day you don’t have food in the house will suffice) there is a high probability unless TV has lied to me that you drop them drawls. Is that “love?” Is that “romantic?” If it is then I’m looking at this whole relationship wrong but I don’t think that gifts should equate to sex and even if you say the person is special I know women that pop the cootchie for rent money and grilled cheese sandwiches so don’t try it. Quite simply, if Valentine’s Day was about love and not money, I’m sure that the Broadmoor and other expensive ass restaurants would be empty in favor of home-cooked dinners and something romantic rather than excessive. Facts are that is the rule while actual romantic actions on Valentine’s Day are the exception. Now most men are emotionally and romantically inept so an expensive restaurant and a useless yet pricy gift are an easy fix to being a moron. That’s why supermarkets and convenience stores stock up on flowers and candy on February 13th because men are fucktards while women are stupid. It’s the circle of life.
Well, that is all for now. I may be back up tomorrow with a short post about anti-bacterial Axe Body Spray (Or as I call it “Unfortunate Justification for Bros Not To Fucking Bathe”) and the brackets for Douchebrawl are almost done. Depending on how tired I am, I will have them up tonight. Until next time, stay up peeps.
Douchebrawl 2008 will officially begin a week from today on Feburary 17th, 2008 with a little bit of a different format!
1. No longer will the regions be closed. That means that you may see Tom Cruise in the Trollop Whore Region or Britney Spears in the Asshat Acting Region. I will TRY to keep the number one seeds closest to their region as possible, though. 2. Seeds will be stack ranked after the top seeds. This is new for 2008. This will create (IMHO) more interesting matchup for the first and second rounds. Rather than keeping all the musicians in one bracket, you could see a Bono vs. Kim Kardashian first round matchup! Feel the excitement!
So let’s begin with the NUMBER ONE SEEDS for Douchebrawl 2008!
The Number One Seed for the Asshat Actor Region is….TOM CRUISE!
Yes, I have decided to bring Crazy Tom back! The winner of the first Douchebrawl had the second running as his namesake but after popular demand he is BACK! Aside from being an advocate for Scientology (which is and always will be the suckiest of religions)…I just don’t like him. Can he take two of the last three Douchbrawls? Not if our next top seed has her way…
The Number One Seed for the Trollop Whore Region is….LINDSAY LOHAN!
Last year’s champion comes back to go back to back as Douchebrawl superstar! 2007 was a really skanky year for Lindsay for some. I still have love in my heart for her after “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” (I LIKED THAT MOVIE!!!) but last year’s write-in ended up being the Texas Western and knocking off the big douches for the championship. Can she repeat? Well, she will have to take down a certain someone for a second time in a row to do so…
The Number One Seed for the All-Round Fucktard Region is…BRITNEY SPEARS!
This marks Britney Spears’ third straight year as a number one or two seed but she has been knocked out both years before making the Fucktard Four (In 2006 by Heather Graham and 2007 by eventual winner Lindsay Lohan). After a really FUCKED UP 2007, can she FINALLY be the bride? It will be hard to do because she will have to go through a certain Irish douche that can’t bring home the whiskey…
The Number One Seed for the Musician Region is….BONO
CATORSE?! Fucking jerk. Bono was upset last year by one Eminem and was kept from the Fucktard Four for the second straight year! Now, as a number one see yet again can he clear a way to the finals? It was a shitty year in music last year so and with the new seeding system he has more competition than ever!
Now, rather than give the seeds I will just say the participants linked to each region. The seeding however will be a surprise!
Acting Region
• Julia Roberts • George Clooney • Tyler Perry • Cameron Diaz • Michael Bay • Hayden Christensen • Alec Baldwin • Ben Affleck • Colin Ferrel • Russell Crowe • Shia LaBeouf • Anthony Anderson • Nick Cage • Quentin Tarantino • Angelina Jolie
As you can see, the only real new big names are Shia LaBeouf and Tyler Perry. I can’t stand that bastard. Anthony Anderson makes it in for if no other reason for fucking up Transformers. On to the next set of combatants!
Trollop Region
• Kim Kardashian • Paris Hilton • Tara Reid • Heidi Montag • Tiffany “New York” Pollard • Jessica Simpson • Lil’ Kim • Madonna • Rose McGowen • Mischa Barton • Eva Longoria • Heather Graham • Tyra Banks • Pamela Anderson • Mariah Carey
Aside from Tiffany Pollard from “I Love New York” there are no real suprises. Although I want to put Jamie Lynn Spears in but that may be too far. I mean, she is just living her Louisiana white trash dream of being pregnant before 17. She is hurt most that it wasn’t by her father. Let’s keep on moving!
Musician Region
• T-Pain • Rihanna • Carrie Underwood • Akon • Jay-Z • Lil’ Mama • Amy Winehouse • 50 Cent • Beyonce • Taylor Swift • Soulja Boy • Toby Keith • R. Kelly • Miley Cyrus • Fergie
Yes, Miley Cyrus. She fucking sucks. As for Taylor Swift…fuck your stupid ass guitar. Carrie Underwood can also die. Fuck country, fuck it in its stupid, pickup truck driving head. Oh, and R&B sucks even more. Akon and R. Kelly love the minors while T-Pain pisses on the grave of Roger Troutman with every song he makes. Music licks balls. And a big hello to Amy Winehouse! Too bad she can’t get here because no one will take her Visa. Now for the last set of participants!
Fucktard Region
• Ray J • Flava Flav • Nick Cannon • Terrell Owens • Ryan Seacrest • Bobby Petrino • Dane Cook • Bill O’Reilly • Kevin Federline • Vanessa Ann Hudgens • Bill Bellichek • Mitt Romney • Bow Wow • Snoop Dogg • Jack Thompson
Wacko Jacko is back for 2008! Last year was all about Mass Effect and the aftermath of the Hot Coffee incident and of course he managed to piss me off a hell of a lot. Dane Cook is in because he ISNT FUCKING FUNNY while Vanessa Ann Hudgens is here sadly because she can’t wear pants. And she didn’t shave that thing; it looked like an Ewok down there. Oh, AND Zac Efron has reportedly dumped her. I’m sorry baby, let me console you. Shave that marmot first, though.
So next Sunday it will all begin! I will finish the brackets and post them on the website sometime before Saturday for everyone to few and print out! Office pools a plenty!
Odds are there will be another Valentine’s Day blog (it is somewhat of a tradition) as I am totally not looking forward to it. 2006 was shitty, 2007 was shitter and 2008….I am miserable and conflicted San Diego. *sigh* sometimes I feel like only boy bands understand me:
If only said person looked at me that way. Who is that person? Glad you asked, hopefully they are reading… Okay, it’s actually dedicated to someone else closer (Yeah, glass case of emotion and stuff) AND Mandy Moore. But mostly Mandy. I am asking you in advance. Please be my Valentine, Amanda Moore? PLEASE! I NEED THIS!
Eh, fuck Valentine’s Day in its commercialized ass. I’m out, gonna watch some K-Dramas and listen to Yuna Ito and cry a little. Eh, it’s a living.
What is up, peeps?! I am back after a two day hiatus (If there is a Thursday blog then I got off my ass and did one. As of right now I am sleepy and not planning on doing one. If I did, lucky you!) and you know why I am here. The same reason you are here, to see the twenty biggest videos in the world for this week! Here we go, it’s the….
Chachi’s Top 20 Video Countdown!
We have a HUGE surprise this week, but first a debut from the biggest artist of 2007!
20. Yui – Namidairo (New Entry)
YES! OH MY GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD! Yui is back with another ballad for me. AND ONLY ME BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! And I love her so. This song is awesome and this video shows she has grown into a woman. What a woman, indeed. 19. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #13, Plunge of the Week) What goes up must come down. And boy has NLT come down. After looking like they could take it to the Top Ten they fall six huge spots and almost out of the Countdown altogether. Maybe they will have a new video soon. 18. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (Last Week #19) All you Hearts Grow fans that are worried about their one spot climb don’t forget: they only moved up one spot their first time on here and almost took the number one spot. So don’t fret, they are still one of my favs. 17. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #15)
It looks like Omarion couldn’t carry Bow Wow much farther than number 15 as the duo falls well short of the Top 10. You know what, no short joke here. Although it would work. 16. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #18) Yummy. That is all I can say. Just yummy. 15. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #12, Six Weeks at #1) Again….yummy. Even though NaNa falls a big three spots this week its all good. She is still my baby boo. 14. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #14) Zeebra stays pat this week as we edge toward a new record on the Countdown. May J has her second video of 2008 on the Countdown and I am really….REALLY looking forward to more from her. NOW! 13. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #10) ABS falls out of the Top 10 this week in a tad of a shocker. I really liked this video but we begin to get into the big dogs now. Yui is back, John Legend and UVERworld are back as is Nelly Furtado. Now….we have history. 12. Bennie K – Monochrome (New Entry, Highest Debut Ever)
YOU READ THAT RIGHT! Bennie K is fricking back! I have been waiting for this video for over two weeks and now that I have it…I just came. HARD. This video is simple but still damn awesome. And Yuki, I missed you baby. Welcome home, Cico! 11. RBD - Inalcanzable (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover) Even with Bennie K debuting the highest ever, RBD is still making a splash, moving up the most spots since I can remember. So um…if I could be in the sandwich that would be made up of the ladies of Bennie K and RBD…I would be one happy Diddy. 10. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #8, One Week at #1) We enter the Top 10 as May J starts us off. She took the number one spot early in January and held it for a week after the long run that was “Here We Go.” Despite not holding on for very long, she has still had a good run. 9. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #11) The World is back in the Top 10! After almost a seven month hiatus, the group that bought us the first ever official number one video is back where they started! Can they continue their dominance from 2006? It’s a new year and maybe it is time for a new run! 8. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #5) After cracking the Top 5, Snoop falls back to Earth a little this week. I haven’t seen a follow up to this and I also haven’t heard much about an album. You know, I haven’t bought a Snoop Dogg album since…that one he had for No Limit I think. That was a hella long time ago. 7. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #9)
Nelly Furtado is looking to FINALLY get her second number one after her run with “Say It Right.” Can she do it? Mainly because I never see this video like anywhere but on the Countdown. Yet I’m sure Sean Kingston’s shitty ass is on somewhere. 6. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #4, One Week at #1) My baby boo! After only one week at number one, Alicia falls even more this week, out of the Top 5 even! I wonder what her next single will be? We are into the top five! 5. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #7) Sowelu and her fine ass has a new video coming soon! Not only that, she has moved into the Top 5 once again! Can she take the top spot without the help of EXILE? We will have to see, we have some heavyweights up here! 4. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #6) Like this man right here! Five videos, five Top Fives. JOHNNY FIVE IS ALIVE! I had to, I’m sorry. Can he take the top spot for a record 4th time? Well, he will have to topple three other acts to do so… 3. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
After two weeks at number one, NaNa is knocked from her throne! After holding the top spot for 10 of the last 12 weeks she finally has her amazing run end. I am STILL waiting for a new video, woman! Gimme now! We have a new number one! Will it be a first timer? 2. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #3)
After years of rocking the box, HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR are one step away from rock and roll immortality! They move up one spot this week, giving them the runner up spot and looking to maybe take the crown. To take the crown, they have to battle a supergroup! 1. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #2, One Week at #1)
Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Pharrell and Thom Yorke of Radiohead finally take the top spot! Can anyone stop this super group? I mean I feel good that I have gotten about 10 people to listen to this song and love it even if you don’t like rap. If you cant appreciate this song and video then you suck ass. Congrats to Kanye on his second number one video on the Countdown!
That is it for this week! Tune in next week to see if CRS & Thom Yorke can hold on for a second week in a row! Or will HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR finally go where only UVERworld and Abingdon Boys School have gone and be the third ever rock video to top the chart? Or will NaNa bounce back and reclaim her throne? Look out for John Legend, UVERworld, Nelly Furtado and even a returning Bennie K! Tune in next week to find out who takes the gold!
Tonight it’s (odds are) off to Denver (I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION! WHY MUCH I BE SUCH A DWEEB?!) and Saturday it’s the same but on Sunday with no Super Bowl I will get the Doucheology for the 3rd Annual Douchebrawl finished! Until then, stay up peeps!
- Roc - Frank's Place - Homeboyz In Outerspace - Red 'n' Meth (NOOOOOOO!) - That Wanda Sykes show (I think thats what it was called) - Girlfriends (Which was dumb as shit but at least the women on there could read and didn't "Pop, Drop & Lock It") - Class of 3000 (Not sure if its cancelled, but I havent seen it in a while. Coolest show on Cartoon Network not featuring a talking milkshake or a self-loathing Black man)
Well, Ward Connerly is pretty self hating but still. For those of you who DONT know who he is, he is the cocksucking, light-skinned asshat that said "Supporting segregation need not be racist. One can believe in segregation and believe in equality of the races."
WHAT THE FUCK, FUCKY?!
But I digress. My issue isn’t with this cockslot, my issue is with this. FLAVOR FLAV GETTING HIS OWN FUCKING SITCOM?! About being a fucking jiggabo?! Now I know a lot of people don’t know what that means. Just think Nelly with Black face and a bale of cotton while singing “I Wish I Were In Dixie.” I mean “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” was funny and had substance. This show couldn’t be any less funny if they had a dude that wanted to fuck hamsters. They had one in Ebichu and it actually was funny as hell. Beastiality is a hard joke to make work.
Anyway….why is Flavor Flav getting his own fucking sitcom about this shit? Well, why complain. Can’t be any worse than this:
Pick that cotton NIGGEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I love me the massa! Yes, I's do!
(UPDATE....Because I am still pissed off)
Yeah, that is offensive. It was meant to be. Happy Black History Month! Be sure to go out and thank a Black person for...um....not robbing you or something. We will get you back in March!
Anyway, new blog today about how much I hate Black people that allow the porch monkey, watermelon eating, spear chucking, shucking and jiving stereotypes to live on and get put on TV. Thank you, Flava Flav. You officially moved the movement back to the beginning of the Tuskegee Experiments. Herpes for all! If you dont get it, read a fucking book. *Sigh* Is this what my granddad sgot sprayed with hoses and attacked by dogs for?! Is this the thanks he gets for getting ran out of Arkansas for trying to fucking vote?! Or eyeballing a white woman either way its FUCKED UP.
Oh, and this is rather funny:
In the way that a gypsy tossing a baby at you to pick your pocket funny but still. I am going to bed. Massa dont want me late to work in the field no mo'. That cotton aint gon pick itself!
Sorry to those that are offended....but DAMMIT! C'mon, Flav! You were in Public Enemy! Bass in yo' face! Not watermelon! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I will be back on Friday for the Countdown.
Okay, over the last couple of weeks (years actually, if I include my college years) I have been asked what is my political affiliation. Well, sadly I am registered as a Democrat because I changed in 2004 for some ungodly reason (Mainly ease). Initially in 1998 I registered as an Independent because I could not be a Democrat because I am about Republican on some issues:
• Against gun control SOLELY for the fact it is in the Constitution. However, that doesn’t mean that they haven’t raped it for all its worth. Patriot Act? The fact the South is allowed to have a say in ANYTHING? Didnt they try to break up the Union at some point? Personally I don’t believe anyone NEEDS THE RIGHT to own a fucking gun but no one really NEEDS THE RIGHT to vote. Yet women and darkies have it. So I needs my gun to keep them from the polls. Once again, I fucking kid you! • I am all for the death penalty solely because it is like a really, REALLY late abortion. And if anyone deserves to die, it’s criminals and babies. I KID! I so fucking kid. • I am against raising the minimum wage. If you are going to work at a shitty place because you didn’t get a degree, you deserve shitty pay. Now if you are working at a place making minimum wage and you HAVE a degree I believe your right to bear arms comes into play and you should shoot that place up. • I don’t care about Global Warming. Let me explain something to you: when you have too much heat in a pot, there has to be a place for the heat to escape. The hole in the ozone layer has been this size before (if you believe science which I do) and it is to regulate the heat. Besides, hugging trees is for hippies and hippies deserve to be beaten to death with their iPods and ran the fuck down with their hybrid cars. Smug cock suckers
However on some issues, I GUESS you could consider me a Democrat:
• I am all about abortion. I aint having sex (or women aint having sex with me, depends on how you spin it) so I have no need to worry about having a baby taken out of me. The fact is that I really don’t care what a woman does with her fucking body. Your business, your life. I don’t give a shit when life begins so stop with that murder bullshit. One person’s murder is another person’s mercy killing or “collateral damage” so fuck off, shitbrick. • I am SO ABOUT AFFIRMATIVE ACTION. Anything that pisses off the White man is okay by me. Which is an odd stance due to my love of the White man and his ever knowing wisdom and kindness but sometimes, you want to see him taken down a peg. Also, you cant tell me there isn’t ONE BLACK PERSON that cant fill a job better than a White person. Have you seen the NBA lately? Or even the NFL minus the QB position because we all know a Black man’s big lips and small brain cant call the cadence. It would sound like Mushmouth from Fat Albert. Bluba-twentytuba! Okay….that was fucked up. • I am all about gay rights. You want to get married? Knock yourself out! Anything to piss off the Jesus loving asshats of the US and A is fine by me! You want to be able to be yourself in public? Go for it! Anything to fuck up the youth of America! Like they haven’t seen worse on MTV or the damn internet. Besides, gays have all the cool stuff! If we had a gay president the USA would be FAB-YOU-LOUS! I kid, let people be them. Except Catholics. Fuck them bastards. • I am AGAINST PRAYER IN SCHOOL. I have said it once, I will say it again: FUCK JESUS AND HIS PARTY POSSE. He died for being a mouthy Jew, get over it. I don’t want my kids praying to a pussy. Now Denver the Last Dinosaur? That is a religious figure I can get behind:
Just as fake as Jesus and twice as rockin! He’s my friend and a whole lot more! Jesus just has holes in his hands, which makes playing the guitar damn near impossible. • I am totally against POINTLESS (read that word, asshat-patriots) military spending. On the wrong shit, I mean. I am against buying stupid weapons to fight the war on terror and giving weapons to kids that can’t even fucking beat Halo. Yes, I hear your “robble robble” about protecting my freedom and whatnot but if they are poorly trained and even more poorly equipped to handle the new threat, how is tossing money at the problem going to fucking help? Exactly. The solution is SMARTER SPENDING. On what, you say? I am so glad you asked. MegaZords:
If we had these, we would need five troops (one chick, one black and one quirky) and all battles would be solved in 30 minutes or less. Unless it is a two parter and then they get new equipment! It is a win-win!
Where the problem lies is what I am indifferent on:
• Fuck Taxes. I pay…er…THEY TAKE the money anyway before I see the shit so why do I care? Not a real argument but when I think about it my taxes were about the damn same no matter whether it was Clinton or Bush in office. So I am rather indifferent about paying taxes so that aint really a big selling point • Fuck Big Business. Forget what Democrats and Republicans say about each other party being in the pockets of big business. ALL CANDIDATES ARE IN THE POCKETS OF BIG BUSINESS NO MATTER WHAT SHITTY POLITICAL AFFLIATION! Think about who runs for office: o Children/Siblings of politicians or as I call them “Legacy Votes” without the hazing o Lawyers. Need I say more?! o Multimillionaires. Because they can afford that shit. When was the last time you saw a poor person run for office? Aside Jesse Ventura because Vince never paid him as much as Hogan or Andre • I don’t care about the war. And never will. War is hell and shit happens. If that is your deciding factor for voting how you are a fuckwit. Yes I have friends over there and yes the war is pointless and has gone on way too long like a SNL skit. At the end of the day, 90% of them knew this could happen and the other 10% are kind of screwed because it is too late to go to Canada now. • I Could Care Less If Your Child Is Left Behind. I don’t blame the government and I don’t blame parents anymore (although it is logically your fault) for kids being stupid. I blame PBS. I learned more from the Electric Company and Sesame Street than I ever did in high school:
It’s survival of the fittest. I’m fat as hell and I know that if a bear gets let loose in a store either I have to overpower it or toss a small Mexican child in the way to aid my escape. Bears love Mexican children. Remember Baloo? Wait, Mowgli was Indian I think. Eh, either way I am indifferent about education. • DRUGS RULE. Listen, normally I am against drugs but some of my happiest days were at Denver Tech. Sadly, I only know of those days in “Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas” type flashbacks and “Dude, remember when you tried to elbow drop that horse of the top of the house! TITS!” The fact is that if people want to do drugs, the easiest thing to do is control the substance. Make some cash fetti off that shit! Imagine being able to go to the pharmacy and either get diet pills or crack? Nasal spray or coke? That would be awesome and should be our right as AMERICANS! Okay, in all seriousness we all know if the government could find a way to regulate and tax narcotics without looking like Nino Brown they would do that shit. I shudder to think about Obama ending up like Wesley Snipes trying to legalize the drug game. Sit yo’ five dollar ass down before I make change! Now THAT’S a President.
And lastly
• I Could Give Two Fucking Shits About Your Family Or Your Values. I don’t need to have religion in my government and guiding its decisions. I was having a political conversation with someone a few years ago and I stated that having a God-fearing President doesn’t make him good, it makes him a pussy (not in those words but that is what I meant). She had the nerve to say to me that she believes that all Presidents should believe in God because it makes the better leaders. First off it took everything in me not to slap the shit out of her and leave her in a ditch. However, it got me to thinking: THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS THINK THAT WAY! Or are too much of cockgobblers to disagree with the religious right. I personally do not care. Christianity (because that’s where 40% of the stupidity lies with 55% being in Islam and the final five being those fucktard Presbyterians. Assholes) should NOT be in schools, government or anywhere else but a church. And by church I mean Church’s Chicken. It’s tasty eating from what I heard.
The fact is that this country needs to realize that there is no right or wrong party, just right and wrong candidates. The wrong candidates:
• Mitt Romney (He wants to fuck your daughter. Hard. No matter how old. And that aint cool) • Hillary Clinton (She is about as sincere as…well, Mitt Romney at an 8th grade Sadie Hawkins Dance) • Mike Huckabee (Yeah….he’s fucking retarded. I can take a darkie and I can take a batch of lady parts but a blithering idiot? Oh wait….well I can’t take ANOTHER blithering idiot. Could you imagine him with nuclear weapons? “DAAAAAAAH I CAN BLOW UP BOLIVIA! YAAAAY!!” Not I said the cat)
Which leaves two people that have a chance to literally change not only how the WORLD views our country but how we view ourselves as well. Neither one is dry humping the bible but neither is a corpse raping pagan worshiper (see: Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton. Mostly Mitt, I figure he doesn’t care whether she has a pulse or not as long as she has grass on the field. We all know Hillary eats babies. That’s why Chelsea never calls or talks about “their other daughter”). It leaves (IMHO) Barack Obama and John McCain. No, I haven’t made my decision completely so stop asking. I always save that for debates unless except Bush vs. Kerry because that was like watching a drunk panda try to mate with a fucking ruffied-up ferret. No one knew why they were trying and in the end you were just dumber and disgusted watching it happen.
Oh yeah, my original point! Well, after meeting Rick and finding we had almost the same political beliefs (We differ in the ways Bono should be killed. The arguments get heated) I thought Libertarian was a fit except that would mean that everyone should be happy as long as it doesn’t hurt or infringe on my well being. I personally don’t want that. I want everyone else unhappy but me because everyone else sucks ass. Then I decided what I should be. My own party. The ultimate party. The BALLINEST PARTY!
The Diddy Party.
Because aint no party like a Diddy party! It don’t stop! Seriously, people are still upstairs from his 1997 Super Bowl party chillin. The Diddy party is about straight ballin till you fall. It’s about shakin off them haters like the Harlem Shake during a cold snap!
Hell yeah, I’m bringing it back! We gonna do that at the Inauguration, bitches! So join the party that is about not just change, but makin that change! Dolla, dolla bill ya’ll! Get that cream, fool! Let’s make the United States of America the ballinest country in the world. Nah son. The UNIVERSE. Dare I say….the Diddy-verse. Uh huh, yeah. I am out for now. This was a long ass post so I wont be back up until the middle of the week unless something pisses me off even more than my flat tire this morning. Until then, stay up peeps. And keep ballin!
A couple of things I learned today running my errands and attempting to cross county lines despite what the restraining order of a certain young lady says (YOU MINE, GURL! YOU MINE!):
1. Colorado Springs is located in the anus of Satan’s realm. Seriously, the weather in this place bites ass. It went from being 41 degrees at the Chapel Hills Mall to fucking Tibet by Woodland Park with no one moving. This place can be “teh suck” sometimes. 2. Koreans suck. Now that is rather ironic coming from me and my love of Korean movies/K-Dramas, music and of course Bokgo but SERIOUSLY. If you don’t trust Black people then don’t put a store there. It is Colorado Springs, not South Central Los Angeles. Lay off the BET and “Menace II Society” and either be cordial to everyone that patronizes your store or get the fuck out of the area and put it around the ever wise and all knowing White man. Because that’s where the big bucks are. If you don’t like Black people in your store, just put up a sign. Or start playing Lynard Skynard. 3. Japan, same to you. Don’t think I forgot about DBZ’s Mr. PoPo:
4. The next 45 year-old woman that eyeball fucks me is getting shot. Seriously, I am no longer playing around. I am not a piece of meat and I am not hot so I have no idea why you are checking me out. Does desperation radiate off me like gay off of Bros? Speaking of gay… 5. The next gay couple that eyeball fucks me is REALLY getting shot. I don’t want one gay man, let alone TWO. I guess I was in bath & Body Works for a long time but I like my skin to be soft! That doesn’t make me gay! Using SPERM to make my skin soft after a rough round of gay sex makes me gay! And I don’t do that, mainly because the thought of being sexually intimate with someone else, male or female, just seems icky and scary to me. 6. Skittles should NOT BE CHOCOLATE!! I like my fruity and my chocolate candies clearly defined and separate but equal shelves. I said nothing about chocolate covered cherries or orange flavored chocolate but this has gone far enough! No race mixing in candies! 7. Some women CAN take a joke. Too bad they work at grocery stores and are under the age of 19: “What’s with all the lotion?” “Well….um….masturbation mostly.” “Really? Why not Vaseline?” “No moisture! Lotion is dual function. Pleasure AND soft hands!” “Yeah, I can dig that. Nothing worse than a chaffed wang.” Yeah, I should have hit her over the head right then and married her. Sadly, no one else found our little dialog funny. The looks on their face were priceless. *Sigh* I am destined to end up alone. Or in Japan. Either way, I’m gonna feel REAL DIRTY.
Yeah, today was the most eventful uneventful day in history. Oh yeah, Super Bowl prediction. Well, I really don’t give a rats ass about the Patriots. On the other end, Eli Manning can go to hell. Randy Moss is a fucktard and everyone else on the Patriots could get raped by polar bears for all I care. That leaves the New York Giants. The only good thing about the Giants is that they play in the Meadowlands, a stadium that has been graced by the greats of stadium rock such as:
· Forigener · Cutting Crew · Air Suppy · Brian Adams · Kansas · Survivor · Ladysmith Black Mambazo
So that gives them the advantage because the combined might of all those artists will have them rocking the shit out of University of Phoenix Stadium. Wait…WHAT?! UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX STADUIM?! What’s next, Arapahoe Community College Field for the Broncos?! God…I hate corporate sponsorship.
Anyway, for my legit analysis. It there is one thing that the Giants can do, it’s rush the passer. They will have to because aside from shitty ass R.W. McQuarters (ask Griff how many times I burned his ass and how many punts he fumbled that cost him against me in Madden during my 5 year undefeated streak) I don’t remember anyone in their secondary. So their front seven will have to be all over Tom Brady like his babymamma will be for child support. BURN!! As for the Giants offense vs. the Patriot defense….good luck picking that one. The Giants can run the ball (which is New England’s literal weak spot when a team can do it effectively) and that is what they will have to do because Eli is GOING TO FUCK UP. You just have to keep the result of that fuck up to result in minimal damage. In the end, albeit the Patriots are undefeated they are not unbeatable. I honestly think the Giants can win this game. You know what, though?
THEY WILL.
I am picking the upset here. Odds are incorrectly because there is NO WAY the NFL is going to let New England lose (Think the Game Six of the Lakers/Kings Western Conference Finals levels of asshatery on the refs part) but I really think that Carl said it best:
Late night update, bitches! I am up near midnight but it was well worth it. So now, since I am up it is time for the first movie review since “The Golden Compass” last December! I give to you…
So, I just got back from what may be the sleeper comedy of the year. Two years ago, a little movie called ”Grandma’s Boy” opened in January that looked to be a little film that no one would watch. That movie became arguably the best movie of 2006 because it was that fucking funny:
Fast forward to 2008 and a small budget, low-hype movie by the name of “Strange Wilderness” comes to theaters. All I will say to you right now is this:
GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE NOW!
Yes, I am telling you this is a funny ass movie. If you liked “Grandma’s Boy” (And who fucking didn’t? The terrorists) and “Without A Paddle” (surprisingly non-crappy) then you will love this movie. I laughed a hell of a lot more than I did at “Juno” (although it was one of those “classy” movies like “The Notebook” and “The Mack” with Richard Pryor) and it has what you would expect from a Happy Madison production. Most importantly, DANTE IS FUCKING BACK! Dude anyone can get past a dog, but nobody fucks with a lion! Overall, this movie has more laughs than any movie I have seen since ATHFCMFFT. There are some gross out moments (the turkey, the pygmies story about testes, the ending which made no more sense than a seven layer burrito) and some dangling sub-plots (like FOUR!) but that is kind of expected for a movie of such irreverence. Quite simply, everyone plays their parts stellar and all are hilarious. Especially Justin Long as a stoner. He may be the Apple prick and he may not even be really acting but man, that shit was FUNNY. This movie gets the first perfect score of 2008…
10 out of 10 stars! (Great movie, awesome comedic acting and Ernest fucking Borgnine. The faults are so minor that you will be laughing so hard that most people will miss them. Even with those flaws, this movie was pure funny. If you don’t like it, that’s understandable. Not many people liked “Grandma’s Boy” but they were fucktards so they don’t matter. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!)
So that is all for now. All I can say before I go to bed is…Hirano Aya in short shorts is fucking hot.
The Hare Hare needs to take off over here RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! This dance puts the “Crank Dat” phenomenon to shame and its hot Asians doing it rather than yahoo-gangsters and quasi-thugs running around like they are going to shoot up the fucking club. I digs the yellow rice, what can I say. I’m out, peeps.
We have THREE big debuts this week, so let’s get started!
20. James Morrison - Give Me Something (New Entry)
Now this is a song I have been rocking for about two months (Around Thanksgiving, actually) and is quickly becoming my favorite song. Mark this down: James Morrison will follow along the lines of J-Tim, Adam Levine, John Mayer and Robin Thicke as white dudes with soul. Guarantee he is on a Kanye West song in the next six months. 19. Hearts Grow - Kasanaru Kage (New Entry)
HELLS YES! It is about damn time Hearts Grow came back! It has been several months since “Himawari” almost took the top spot and this video is in the same vein but the song is a lot mellower. Not saying much because it is happy goodness but still, I love this video! 18. Mihimaru GT – Diverge (Last Week #20) Well, we all know how I feel about this group. I love Hiroko with all my being so they move up two places as they look for their third Top Ten video. Now it is time for the BIG debut… 17. RBD - Inalcanzable (New Entry)
OH. MY. GOD. Anahi….I love you. Seriously, maybe even more than Alicia Keys. Maybe even more than NaNa (MAYBE!!). Oh, you brought your friends, too?! Hells yes! Except for The Uck. He can go to hell. But RBD is back and their album from last year is awesome! 16. Asian Kung-Fu Generation – After Dark (Last Week #14) AKFG falls another two spots this week and look to be on their way out after a pretty successful run. Their new song is growing on me and the video is okay but not stellar. Waiting for the single, though. 15. Bow Wow & Omarion – Hey Baby (Last Week #17) Damn it! Why do I like this song?! It confuses the hell why I listen to this all the time! You know….if Usher and TI joined forces…I think my head would explode from the awesomeness of that song. I can only pray. 14. Zeebra feat May J & SPHERE OF INFLUENCE – Shinin’ Like A Diamond (Last Week #15) Zeebra is doing pretty well for his first time on the Countdown. It helps that he has May J and her sexy behind on his side, though. 13. NLT – I Said, She Said (Last Week #12)
NLT drops a spot this week after coming dangerously close to the Top 10. I am being told their album comes out in the middle of next month. Interesting to hear the complete sound of these guys. 12. NaNa – Movin’ On (Last Week #10, Six Weeks at #1) So for the first time since October of 2007, this video is not in the Top 10. That is longer than any other video in the two years this has been going on every Friday. That is STAYING POWER, people. 11. UVERworld - Roots (Last Week #13) Well, UVERworld is one step away from their SIXTH TOP TEN VIDEO. It has been a pretty dominant ride for The World as they look to show the newcomers (ABS, NaNa, etc) who is the real king. We are into the Top 10! 10. Abingdon Boys School – Blade Chord (Last Week #8) ABS falls another two places after failing to get to the Top 3 for the third time. Even still, this is a beginning to another rockin’ ABS album. And rumor is TM is going back into the studio for some TM Revolution goodness! 2008 will be the greatest year ever! 9. Nelly Furtado – In God’s Hands (Last Week #11) Mmmmm, tastes good! First UVERworld and now Nelly. She now has her fifth Top 10 video which is the most by a female artist yet. Others may come close but no one can top the queen. Yet…. 8. May J. – Do Tha, Do Tha (Last Week #6, One Week at #1) ….because even though May J falls another two places this week, she has another video on the move and could tie Miss Furtado sooner than later. We will have to see! 7. Sowelu – Hikari (Last Week #9)
Speaking of sexy ladies, Sowelu is gradually moving up the Countdown this week! Much like “24Karats” this video is taking a slow ride up as it moves toward the top. Could this be Sowelu’s year? 6. John Legend – Show Me (Last Week #7) Another day, another John Legend video moving up the Countdown. This is pretty old hat from the King of the Countdown. Can he tie UVERworld with his third #1 video? That is something that will make history. We are into the Top 5! 5. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Seduction (Last Week #4) After looking like he was going to play with the big dogs, Snoop falls one spot this week. He is still in the Top 5, which makes this less bad but with some legends nipping at his heels it may be time to go back to the pound for Big Snoop Dogg. 4. Alicia Keys – Like You’ll Never See Me Again (Last Week #2, One Week at #1) After falling from the top spot, Alicia falls two more spots as it looks like her reign is over. It is a shame because she is sexy fine! Not only that, but she may be the most perfect woman I have ever laid eyes on or listened to. I can even take her thug speak…which scares me. 3. HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR – Amazing (Last Week #5)
HaMC move into the Top Three for the first time ever! They have a long list of kick ass tunes and videos (“Pride”, “Ichirin No Hana”, “Dreams”) but this is their first time on here and they are making the most of it. Can they hang with the veterans below them? Time will tell! 2. Lupe Fiasco feat Kanye West, Pharrell & Thom Yorke – Us Placers (Last Week #3)
I am beginning to get other people into this video. It was on the Kanye West mixtape (The one with my guilty pleasure “Pro Nails” by Kid Sister) and I kind of went “Well that was novel” when I heard it. Now I can’t get it out of my head! Although Radiohead sucks (I said it) Thom Yorke actually sounds normal in this. With CRS at number two… 1. NaNa – SHOW GIRL (Last Week #1, Two Weeks at #1)
….the champ is still here! For the second week in a row, NaNa tops the Countdown with what could end up being the biggest video of 2008. I was listening to this on the way home from work and I am still not tired of it. I am still waiting for an album but that’s okay. This video will tide me over.
That is all for this week! Can NaNa make it a cool 3 weeks at number one? Or will the combined power of CRS finally end the domination by estrogen on this Countdown? Or can HIGH AND MIGHTY COLOR get their first number one video ever? Tune in next week to find out!
It’s party time this weekend as the Super Bowl is coming and at some point next week I have something special. I will have the first ever “State of the Black Union Address!” Tune in….it’s gonna be scathing. Until then, stay up peeps.
Seriously, I try to avoid most music at all costs unless I can monitor it myself but...Flo-Rida's "Low" is every-fucking-where.
"Come to Chase, our interest rates are low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low!"
And once again....it is because of women. I used to like the song (for about...three days? Maybe five?) until it was everyone's ringtone, horn and ringback. Even George Bush Jr. has it:
"My approval rating is low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low!"
Okay, that was funny. While I have your attention, these artists need to stop being everywhere because they suck:
DJ Khaled (WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU DO?! DIE AL-FUCKING-READY!! WHO?! YOU, NIGGA!) Fergie (Women who say she’s hot are really looking at a man. It explains why you get hot and bothered. She looks like fucking Scott Steiner) Sugarland (Country sucks. It sucks gay cowboy balls) Plies (See country. Hip hop REALLY sucks. They are trying to fix it, but this man is NOT HELPING) Rihanna (No. Just fucking no. Stop, Beyonce wants her style back bitch. As a matter of fact....( Beyonce (Take your camel faced husband with you) Soulja Boy (Not even going to go into this one. You already know) Shawty Lo (If you havent heard him...you sadly will) Sara Bareilles (I don’t want you to write a love song...just a good one) Yellowcard (Or was it Simple Plan? Or was it Secondhand Serenade? Hey, they are all THE SAME FUCKING BAND! FUCK OFF, SUCKASS!)
There are more, but I am tired as shit and have to work in 5 hours or so. I’m off to bed. Oh, and Marvel…way to be a bunch of fucktards. BUCKY?! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!When you ass-fuck Cap, you ass-fuck America. You are SO LUCKY that Iron Man is coming out this summer. NOW I’m off to bed.
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