Hip Hop Ain't Dead, The Game Just Took A Couple Shots...

Aw, snap! Hump day in the hizzy, and don’t you for-gizzy! Well, yesterday I had my tangent about the Virginia Tech Incident and for the most part I am cool. I’m not really a religious person, so I just ask that people grieve in their own way and come to grips with tragedy whatever way they can. Except via horrible, horrible tribute song. I am looking at YOU Alan Jackson. Oh man….I hope R.Kelly doesn’t record a tribute song. I may just have to regulate. Mount up!

Alrighty, now that I have gotten that out of the way it is time for me to go back to my normal material: dumb ass people. With the whole Don Imus thing blown over (finally!) it seems that the focus has shifted back to where all the blame goes when something goes wrong in America: hip hop.

Okay, as many of you know (or like six) I have a love/hate relationship with hip hop as music and culture. Seeing as how the music has been turned to shit and the culture is now marketed in Avis commercials all I can say is ‘meh’ to it for now. What is so funny is that every few months people get up in arms about how hip hop is offensive and destroying America. Yet…people listen to MIMS (who licks dirty donkey testicles talent-wise) like he’s hot solely because he tells us so. I can say I’m skinny, doesn’t make it true. The lyrics have come under fire by Oprah, especially after she wouldn’t let the ‘Gangsta rapper’ Ludacris on her show and when she did she grilled him.

Well, first off gangsta rap sucked. I was there in its heyday and it sucked then. If any rappers out right now are gangsta rappers I haven’t heard them. The only people using that name are (once again) old ass Black people and STUPID ASS WHITE PEOPLE (looking at Papa Bear). You can say whatever you want to about the lyrics because they usually suck. From Eminem to 50 Cent to Nelly to even T.I. (and I dig the King of the South but he gets rather repetitive) all are lyrically stalled on ‘booty butt, booty butt, booty butt cheeks’ and ‘bling blong’. Before you white people start to defend Eminem for being ‘talented’ he raps about the same shit on his albums, he just releases radio friendly singles to hide the fact that he is like every other shitty ass rapper.

As of right now, I am willing to say that more that 85% of rap sucks. To people who says all rap sucks you have no frame of reference if you only listen to what your worthless ass roommate listens to or what they play on the radio. The radio is very structured in what they play, and there is a specific reason you don’t hear Common, Atmosphere, K-OS or Mos Def on the radio. They don’t sell and aren’t marketable to a mass audience. Which has become the problem. Aside from Kanye West (who is once again working my nerves) and Outkast no rappers outside of the standard (booty, bling and bankroll. Shit, that will probably be Nelly’s next album title. If it is, I will so sue) fare have been successful by record label terms. Now as one who listened to hip hop for 25 years for the most part exclusively I believe I have a good frame of reference to say it sucks as a whole. Not just individual artists, but the genre. Just so you know, the ‘Brokeback Mountain Theory’ of I don’t have to see it to know it sucks works on an individual basis, not as a blanket term. To just say all of a genre sucks without any knowledge of it is just plain ignorant. The last thing we need is to spread more ignorance.

So let me ask the question: is it up to the artist to monitor what they say for the youth of America? No. Why? Because if a youth is going to shoot up a school, harass a classmate, or as Riley would say ‘shoot a nigga’ because of what a rap song tells you then you are a fucktard and need to removed or made infertile because we don’t need more of you. The fact is that saying nigga, ho, bitch and whatever else in a song doesn’t make it right for anyone else to say it because those words shouldn’t be said. I kind of believe that instead of being upset about someone calling a woman a ho, you should not BE ONE so the word has no meaning and they just become an idiot. Women accepting that (I hear more women call each other ho than men ever have) word gives it meaning. Like I said on my Nigger Post (wow…that is JACKED UP no matter how you say it) words like that should incite a change. Not make you ‘pop, drop and lock it’.

I pondered the question in my Ethnic Studies/Women’s Studies class about why women dance to ‘Get Low’ by Lil Jon and ‘Shake Yo Tailfeather’ by Nelly when the song is just a four minute insult to women. All the answers were along the lines of ‘they aren’t talking to me and I like the beat and/or to dance to it’. First off, you dumb bitch they are talking to you. Don’t lie to yourself or me. Second off, since dancing now is just rejected stripper moves (when I was at the Thirsty Parrot women were dancing with a broom like it was a stripper pole. I NEVER want hear women complain about being treated like a stripper when YOU LITERALLY ACT LIKE A STRIPPER! THAT SHIT IS STUPID!) I will actually accept the good beat and dance to it part. There is nothing better than funky fresh dance moves. However, YOU DON’T DANCE. You grind like…well a stripper trying to earn an extra $20. I go to the club to make fun of people and dance to one or two songs. I don’t go to the club to get damn near sexually assaulted. Especially to a shitty song (One of many reasons why I hate Akon and the club so much. I have NEVER been so violated in my LIFE. She took my innocence from me!). So long story short, I will tell women what I say all the time. Respect yourself and others will respect you. Don’t dance to or listen to these songs and they will stop (foreshadowing….thy name is Will).

Lastly, to all the Black people complaining about rap. Shut the fuck up. SHUT THE FUCK…UP! The simple fact is that White people lack originality. All they can do is take from others (J-Tim, Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis) or exploit others work (Jimmy Iovine, whoever runs Viacom, Clive Davis). Hell, even in science! A Black man cured polio, he just went to get a Coke to celebrate and a White man stole it! The airplane? Black man. Niggas don’t swim! That’s why we are here right now! Okay…that was messed up.

I AM JOKING!

In all serialness, Black people always say that rap needs to change. Yet, every three months they repackage the same shit just move the region (West Coast, East Coast, Atlanta, New Orleans, Miami and Chicago now. Watch, Denver is next!) so it is as DJ Clue would say ‘NEW SHIT!’ It is not new shit, it’s the same shit and we as Black people accept it. We accept 50 Cent and his gorilla-looking ass. We allow Nelly and Paul Wall (Who is TOTALLY white. I thought he was mixed!) to push grillz in our mouths. We relish in the gaudy jewelry and asininely lavish lifestyle that is Baby and Lil Wayne. What is even worse, we accept the violent lyrics and insulting caricatures of women and young black men because it is keeping it real. Fuck. The only thing that sells better than sex is ignorance. Same thing I said to women applies to Black people. Don’t accept the ignorance spreading. Either ignore it, buy a damn Talib Kweli album or switched to J-pop and anime like I did. Sure you lose all your friends but true friends are down with the Bleach and Death Note anyway.

Final point: not listening won’t stop it because those who like it still will listen. Hit rappers where it hurts: the cash, the feti, the loot, the coinage, the fedarali, the flow, the duckets, the bottom line, the stacks, the stash, the green, the dollaz, the cream, the cheddar, the hibbidy bipptity, the dead presidents, the payola, the stackola. Don’t buy the records, don’t go to the shows and don’t go to the club. Avioding all will make you a better person. Instead, read a god damn book! Watch a movie! Take a walk! Do anything, and soon they will realize that what is out will not be accepted and not what we want to hear as hip hop fans. I know what I want to hear. Hip hop about making a change. Hip hop about having fun. Hip hop about enjoying your life. I want to hear some Kid ‘n’ Play, fool! WHAT!

Stay true peeps. Chachi will be back for the Countdown on Friday and may be back up tomorrow.

Proper.

Much Respect.

Good morning, peeps! It is a cold, windy and wet Tuesday and all I can say is ‘bleh’ to this. Thems the breaks, though.

I usually do some commentary on Tuesday and we all know what happened yesterday. New J.R.R. Tolkien book! Just kidding! The tragic events in Blacksburg on the Virginia Tech University campus rocked the United States yesterday morning. As one who was in college when Columbine happened (I think it was Griff, Jimmy Dean and I at the Citadel Mall getting ready to head up to Park Meadows when we saw it on the news) and having several friends not only in college but living on campus it hits home. I feel for the families but I feel most for the students. No one should ever have to go through that, especially in a place of learning where you figure people would know better. I don’t really pray to a deity, but may whoever you believe in give you strength to make it through this.

Yes, I actually have feelings. It aint Dick Time 24/7. However, now IT IS Dick Time. Where in the FUCK does the world get off criticizing us? I may not be the biggest flag waving, gun-toting, beer drinking NASCAR loving patriot (I believe that America isn’t the BEST country, but it sure is in the Top 5) but I will stand up for what is right against what is damn stupid. For any country to get all on their high horse about our gun laws and our violence needs to realize one thing: no matter what the culture violence exists. PERIOD. The Australian Prime Minister John Howard can suck my fucking balls. You have the AUDACITY to take shots at our ‘gun culture?’ Wasn’t Australia colonized by fucking criminals? Don’t your people oppress aborigines? Get off your high horse, fucker. I will be the first to admit that guns cause a huge problem in the United States but at the end of the day we DO have gun laws. Very stringent gun laws. The problem is the people.

People are fucktards. Plain and simple. Guns don’t fire themselves, except in video games and even then they are easily tackled because they fire in a pattern. The simple fact is that we can take away every single gun in this country and people would just find other ways to inflict harm. You think violence started in 1999 at Columbine? You think violence started with Killeen, Texas? You think violence started in a clock tower at Kent State? No, violence has always been. Guns or not. DO guns make violence easier? Yes, much like the internet has made piracy easier. People will find a way to accomplish what they want. To blame this SOLELY on guns is petty and downright asinine.

Now everyone knows I am (borderline) for the ‘Right to Bear Arms.’ I mean, vests are the new black. Joking aside, until they change the Amendments (you know what that means, right?) I am all for that as a right. However, with great power comes great responsibility. I know I run with that phrase a lot, but it holds true in everything we do. You have the power to hold a gun, but you have the responsibility to make sure that yourself and others are safe with you having it. Not every chucklehead should have a weapon. There are background checks, classes and other prerequisites before you can LEGALLY handle a firearm. No one knows where the shooter at Virginia Tech got his firearm but if it was legally aquired and he went through all the necessary steps to be able to LEGALLY hold a firearm then you know what? That motherfucker was a motherfucker. Had he not had access to a firearm, odds are he would have done the exact same thing with something else. You can’t fix stupid, even if you take away all the guns and other weapons on the planet. The stupid are resourceful, they would probably start killing people with M&M’s.

As my theories are always proven correct, I said before that America loves to cast blame. Boy has blame come out of the woodwork. Jack Thompson is blaming video games, which comes as no surprise. Once again, stupid is unavoidable. I played God of War II for two weeks straight and not once did I decide to jump off a building, stab someone in the back of the head, twist their neck and impale them on a 10 foot mace. Although…that would have been SWEET. Then we had the Liberals and the rest of the world blaming guns and American gun culture. Well, movies everywhere glorify violence. You think anime doesn’t glorify violence? It sure as hell does. But you don’t see me attempting to unleash my Bankai (Which is totally bad ass. I summon a dragon that spits fire and sings Journey songs) or trying to morph. You think India doesn’t have violence or intolerance? One word: Pakistan. Fix that, quit trying to blow up a neighbor no one gives a shit about and then we will talk. Pretty brash talk coming from a country that is burning Richard Gere in effigy because of a little P.D.A. America doesn’t even give a fuck about the former The Gerbil King and India wants him dead. Congrats, you made it to 1989. Oh, and don’t think we forgot about your nuclear testing. A peace-loving country that was going to launch a nuclear warhead at the country RIGHT NEXT TO IT? Yeah….YOU have a right to talk. Americans may be douchebags, but we are CONSISTANT douchebags.

Now we have the Conservative Hard-On-For-Jesus crowd that is blaming the lack of religion in schools for this problem. Listen you dickholes, if Jesus couldn’t stop nails, there is NO WAY HE CAN STOP BULLETS. Nuff’ said. I am sick of people saying this is a Christian nation and bringing God in will solve all of our problems. You know what place was a religious State? Iraq. You want to end up like Iraq? If this was a Christian nation it would be just like Iraq with Billy Graham for Saddam Hussien and John Michael Montgomery playing ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I’d rather be a damn Marxist and you know how I feel about him. Besides, more people die in the name of God than any other person. Maybe in the name of Harrison Ford. He totally kicks ass.

Back to the events in Blacksburg. At the end of the day, we can blame no one but the shooter. By picking a scapegoat (guns, culture, no God in schools, rap music) you might as well blame the students and teachers for not running fast enough. It isn’t fair and it is tasteless. Unless there is a definite link (Like he says on a video tape ‘This is for CJ in GTA! One love!’), to try to ban something isn’t going to help the situation. We say the shooter is at fault. We come to grips with the how, learn from the why and mourn for the when. Life is life; all we can do is live it.

Yeah, sometimes I do the somber rants like this. It was a somber moment, even I have a heart. Back to the Chachi! I may be back before the Countdown, odds are not because I have a busy Thursday and Friday. I will try to be back up Sunday if I am not up this week. Until then, stay up peeps.

And Big Ups To Blacksburg:

Chachi Out.

I Don't Remember....ANY Of This.

What is up! It has been a pretty kickass Sunday weather-wise here in the CSP. I hope you r-tards enjoyed it! I kid, I kid. So this weekend gave the world the most pivotal movie since The Wizard. This Sunday, I give you a special edition of:

MASTER CHIEF CAPTAIN CHACHI GOES HOLLYWOOD!

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS

After three push backs of the release, ATHFCMFFT came out on Friday. First off, I hate ‘bros’. More on that shit later. Second off, as Zach and I entered the theater for a movie that we knew would totally rock our faces, we realized something. The theater was damn near empty. Which is BULLSHIT. I will never understand how people will buy tickets to ‘Grindhouse’ and ‘Norbit’ and they will say it’s enjoyable but when a movie like the Aqua Teens or Reno 911 comes out people “don’t get it”. If you “get” Grindhouse but don’t “get” the Aqua Teens then you need to be shot in the fucking face. Because it will save me from having to handle your retarded children because if there is one thing fucktards do, it is breed. Like rabbits, just ask the Catholics. ZING!

Anyway, back to the movie. The first 30 seconds of the movie had the true fans (and I knew who they were because when Zach went to give Greg his ticket, someone asked ‘what’s up with him’ and when I said “I think the doctor said he has cancer, Meatwad” he responded did he tell him that he didn’t? THAT is a true fan) rolling in the aisle. Like the drum playing nachos said ‘If you don’t get it, this movie is NOT FOR YOU!’ Those that didn’t laugh were in for a ROUGH evening.

Aqua Teen, much like Reno 911 stayed true to the show. I by doing so, it alienated a lot of people (which was evident by the walkouts by people during both times I saw it) but by staying true to the show, it actually made for a better experience. First off, this actually had a plot. Which is quite impressive seeing as how the nine minute episodes don’t have plots but they could fit one into a eighty-seven minute movie. Seriously, this had a beginning, a middle and a….well….it ended. The movie covered everything from the origin of the Aqua Teens to a wanton, bloody death of a kitten. Nothing to do with plot development, but shooting kittens out of a plasma cannon is pretty fucking sweet.

It is surprising how much funnier a movie about a show that curses a lot is when it is unedited. The South Park movie was unedited and despite the awesomeness of it, the movie lost some of its luster that the show brought by being unedited. Not ATHF. When Carl screams ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY DOOR?’ and they attempt to bleep out ‘fuck’ but miss, that was priceless. Surprisingly, the cursing was kept to a minimum and most of what was awesome was the dialog. Master Shake was in rare form especially his telling of the origin that included a voodoo witch doctor Abraham Lincoln, slavery video games and a fire breathing poodle. All in the first three minutes.

Where the movie really shines is the animation. The five new backgrounds just SCREAMED avant-garde and rivaled the great Pixar films in its quality. You could almost see the salt on each of Frylock’s fry…locks. The Insanoflex was epic in scope and can only be appreciated in its full 3-D glory. And the movie wasn’t even in 3-D! That is completely bad ass! Not only was the animation awesome, the plot was…a plot. Seeing as I believe the creators have UADD (Uber-Attention Deficit Disorder) I was surprised how well the plot flowed for 84 of the 87 minutes. The last three minutes, in true form of the Aqua Teens made you question everything you ever believe in. It was that monumental and mind-blowing.

In all seriousness, this is a movie that based on its own merit will be funny to the casual movie-goer but will not be as HILARIOUS as it will be to the fans of the show. To the non-fans: you are ‘teh suck’ because this movie rules you! It totally kicks ass! And the soundtrack is awesome (especially the powerful rendition of “Nude Love” and the body-rockin “I Like Your Booty, But I’m Not Gay”) and well worth the listen if you are down for having your ears bleed in total kick-assitude. Overall, this movie is frickin bad ass and if you don’t watch this movie, you are a nerd. AND NERDS GET SPANKED WITH MOON ROCKS!! Seriously, go see it. So overall, ATHFCMFFT gets…

10 out of 10!!
)You don’t need no instructions, to know how to laugh! Go see it now or I will bite your torso and give you a disease!!)

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, there is a major problem today. It was covered in Newsline and I know you have seen them You know who they are, and odds are you humor them rather than help them. You may ignore then and say it isn’t you problem. But it IS your problem. It is all of our problems. That problem is ‘bros’.

Now I know you think you are cool. You think you are all ‘down’ because you are all about the Jack Johnson and the DMB but the simple fact is you suck. You suck it hard and dry and you need to fucking die. Now don’t get me wrong, I have known my share of bros. When I was in college, Evan was a bro but he was cool. He had the slippers and the polos and he even called me ‘bro (which I despised) but I never feared once he was ever going to rape me. Mainly because he didn’t associate with the ‘Super-Bros’ and hated them more than I do. It’s like people who dress gothic compared to the popular ‘Goth’ lifestyle. Chase said it best: ‘Dude, capes RULE’. That was enough for me.

The sad part about ‘bros’ is they live up to the lifestyle of being a bro. Not all thugs wear gaudy jewelry and baseball caps. Not all whores dress like whores. Not all Goths believe life is suffering and pain is love. However, all bros drink Nati Ice or some other cheap beer (yes, I see ANYTHING by Busch as being cheap beer). The all have the upside down visor and worship Dane Cook. They all play Frisbee golf (which is just fucking stupid) and they ALL listen to “The Johnson” which is the ULTIMATE innuendo EVER. Oh, and they are all closet gay. Seriously, I have seen it. When the women decide that they don’t want no ‘bro love’ the bros try to love…each other. At first its just playful wrestling and then after a few keg stands, some GameCube, a little beer pong and discussions on the differences between Phish and The Grateful Dead it turns into full on ass breaching. It’s how rape starts, I’ve seen “The Accused”.

What is even weirder is the embrace of gangsta rap by bros. Not only is The Johnson on the playlist but 50 Cent, Eminem and Dr. Dre (fuck…I don’t like where this is going) creep their way into the rotation, too. As mc chris sad, white kids LOVE hip hop. It is evident by my excursion to the Thirsty Parrot, or as I call it the ’Bro Hole.’ You can use that, I don’t mind. Bros (well, white people in general but especially bros) know all the words to rap songs and have to sing a long, the n-words and all. Which is SPECIAL because they ALWAYS look around to make sure no black people are around before they do it. It’s priceless.

The simple fact is that bros are making a resurgence (they were gone for a while from about 2005 to mid-2006) and it is good for no one. Pretty soon, there will be bro stores! Aside from Abercrombie and Fitch I mean. There will be bro specific movies (aside from ‘Harold and Kumar’ and ‘Fight Club’) and even bro drinks! They did it for Blacks with malt liquor and drunkard females with bottled mixed drinks/shots and pretty soon there will be ‘Bro Brew’ and ‘Johnson Juice’. God…this needs to stop. I need to break out the Dominator AND the Equalizer. I’m through playing around with ya’ll!

Well, I have gotten that out of my system. I will be back up this week at some point (probably Wednesday) and then the Countdown on Friday. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

MySpace: Where Friends Meet To Give You Fucking Spam.

Good morning everybody! It is a COLD ASS FRIDAY here in the CSP and I must say….it aint so bad. Because the Aqua Teens are gonna make the fellas say ‘ho’ and the ladies wanna scream! Got my tickets and it is time to throw down! Man, this movie better be good with as many times as they have pushed this bad boy back.

So I have a bone to pick with MySpace. Now I really only have MySpace up to supplement my Blogger site (which gets a lot more traffic), piss off Rick with American Idol updates because I know how much he LOVES that show and of course fill out surveys because I am ‘teh lame’. With all that being said, I am having a real big problem with MySpace right now.

When Yahoo became the largest provider of email accounts (I think it was 2003) what was the first thing they did? They beefed up their servers and security. They knew they were going to get a lot more subscribers and there is nothing people hate more than spam. Google is constantly updating their hardware and software for better ways to block out emails for erectile dysfunction and reconsolidated home loans. If I want to reconsolidate my home loan, I will fucking find YOU. Same with AOL, and as a service provider to boot although most of the spam comes from THEM, the probably have the most efficient spam blocker out there. So with that being said, I have a number for you:

108. One hundred and eight.

That is how many friend requests I have gotten this week. At first I was like ‘Holy shit, I’m popular!’ Then I realized that no one wants to be my friend and I looked and said “Hey, I don’t know ‘Get A Free iPod!’ or ‘Check Out My Hot Web Cam!’ at all!” Let’s face it, ‘xxxCutiepie69’ and ‘gimmeanipod1’ are not real people. They are fucking bots. If you don’t know what a ‘bot’ is, it is a fake account that is used for the purpose of annoying the shit out of you. They are why Ticketmaster and forums have that ‘insert the code’ screen so someone actually has to create the account rather than just running a script that can just create hundreds of fake accounts. It is obvious that MySpace either hasn’t figured that out or that Tom is no better at being the administrator as The Dougler was at being the RA on ‘Undergrads’.

I can forgive the fact that every five minutes an ‘unexpected error’ is reported to some fucktard that fixes it only to have another ‘unexpected error’ pop up. I cannot accept total and complete ineptitude. The fix has been done by other online communities (with fewer members and less safeguards i.e. Friendster) and I see no reason why you guys cant put two and two together. I know that it’s easy to say ‘well don’t use MySpace’ but lets face it. That is shitty customer service. Yes, we are your customers because creating your community gets you sponsorships from movies, TV shows and sponsors. If you DON’T fix if, people will go to another online community. See what happened to AOL? They refused to embrace broadband and fell behind the curve. You aren’t Microsoft; you don’t have a lockdown on this market. It is a simple fix that would actually create a better service and alleviate a lot of tech support problems I am sure you are getting due to these fucksticks locking up your servers with their crap. As Teq would say ‘FIX IT!’ It would make things a lot easier on yourselves and your users. Just a thought.
That had been bugging me for a while. I know the Blogger peeps don’t know what I am talking about (odds are you use MySpace, though) but I have to be all encompassing. The Passion of Chachi is for the people. All the people no matter what race, gender, religion or online community they use. Except Facebook.

Before I go, it is time for my blatant Bleach plug! Here is the NEW BADASS OPENING THEME, Alones by Aqua Timez:

In my total nerddom, I was having a discussion with the comic book store guys (yes, I am friends with the comic book store guys. Shut up, they’re cool!) about Bleach on Wednesday and pretty much killed my lunch hour talking about the current Bleach manga and the Hueco Mundo Arc. I also got a sweet ass wall scroll with Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, Orihime, Ishida and THE KON. And I got the angry Kon plushie! It won’t bring the girls to the yard, but it is cool to me and that’s what matters.

Anyway, after discussing the new arc at the comic book store and hearing the lyrics of the song, it fits so well. More so than the other openings (aside from D-Technolife and the first half of the Soul Society Arc) considering what happens and the emotions that come to the forefront (I won’t ruin, but lets just say that Orihime becomes a lot stronger in herself and her feelings) this is the best song to choose. The lyrics fit:

Even if you won’t talk about yesterday,
I’ll still be there to meet you tomorrow.

This one will make sense as the arc goes on. It is going to be good stuff. Well, I will try to be back tomorrow for a review of ATHFCMFFT. Stay warm and stay up, peeps. One last thing from Aqua Timez…

You don’t have to force your smiles for anyone,
It’s okay to smile…for yourself.

Chachi Out.

So...K-Fed Isn't Anna Nicole's Babydaddy? I'm Out of $5...

What’s up ya’ll! It’s a COLD ASS FRIDAY in the CSP but that’s okay! Because Aqua Teen is gonna rock my face tonight and it is time for the….

Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown!!

It is kind of chilly so I am going to get straight to the party!

20. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder (New Entry)

We begin this week with an interesting debut. Now it is no secret that I have a love/hate relationship with Maroon 5. I loved ‘Sunday Morning’ and ‘Harder To Breathe’ but hated….everything else. This video reminds me of a cleaned up Duran Duran video, and we all know Duran Duran RULES YOUR FACE. This is their first video on here, lets see how they do!
19. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #15)
Evanesence officially has a new video out for Sweet Sacrifice and it actually kicks more ass that Lithium! Meanwhile, this video looks to be on its way out after peaking a few weeks back at number two. Here is to seeing Sweet Sacrifice soon!
18. nobodyknows+ - Hero’s Come Back! (New Entry)

No you knew as soon as this song had a video it was going to be on this Countdown. The opening for Naruto: Shippuuden makes its debut after a long wait! This song is now the ring tone for Nolan and was the theme on my MySpace for a minute. I just got the nobodyknows+ discography and it is good stuff. Not only that, the video is actually kind of cool to boot. Everybody stand up!
17. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (Last Week #14, #1 for three weeks)
Aw, man I’m crying! This video looks to be on its way out after a lengthy stay at number one last month. Even though she has a new video I still really dig this one. The song is quite nice too.
16. Namie Amuro – Funky Town (Last Week #18)
Speaking of Namie, here she is again! This video in song is nowhere near as awesome as Baby Don’t Cry but it is good on its own level. Like Namie in a skirt with boots on. Hells yeah. Although I am not digging the small hat thing going on. Reminds me of Men on Film on ‘In Living Color’. Hated it!
15. Rascal Flats – Stand (Last Week #19)
So The Gang makes a pretty big leap this week, up four spots to #15. I really cant say I like country (because for the most part I don’t) but unlike other people I cant hate a whole genre because the majority of it I don’t like. I like the Flatts as well as The Wreckers. Let’s just hope we don’t hear this song in commercials for Huggies or Bayer. That would piss me off.
14. Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’ (Last Week #9, Plunge of the Week)

I am sad. Hinoi Team falls out of the Top Ten this week! I still like this video, but it is about time for something new from my favorite Para Para-ing teens. Is that even a word? Eh, it is now.
13. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #16)
Kumi Koda has got up and moved up this week. She has no less than four videos out (thanks to Roxanne for posting the majority of them!) but this is my favorite of the bunch. What can I say, I am a sucker for a dancing Kumi Koda.
12. Monkey Majik feat m-flo – Picture Perfect (Last Week #12)
Okay, I think the video with Monkey Majik featuring Seamo has grown on me a little too much because now I like it a little more than this one. The guys and M-Flo stand pat at #12 for the second week and may have stalled out on the play list. Still is my jam on the road, though!
11. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #13)
One step away from the Top Ten and K-OS makes his home here! Pretty good for a first time out, I must say. I finally got a good copy of this video, too. It is good stuff. Also, got his older stuff that I had from back in the day. The guy is one of the better hip-hop artists out right now. Well, anything is better than Akon so he doesn’t have to do much. Well, onto the Top 10!
10. Home Made Kazoku – Nagaraboshi ~Shooting Star~ (Last Week #8)
Okay, this is the ‘Seamo Is Growing On Me Part II’ factor. Anyone that knows me knows that Seamo has been on my shitlist since he yelled out ‘CRUNK!’ in the Bennie K song ‘A Love Story’. Well, it has come full circle. Seamo is in the new HMK video for ‘Fantastic 3’ and I must say…it is fantastic. Seamo and Co. rock the box and the video may be on here soon. Because of that, this video falls two spots.
9. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #11)

Mmm…Yuna Ito. She makes life okay to live, I tell you what. Still getting episodes of Unfair so I can do a review on whether it is worth the watch. This video is I can say that much for sure.
8. Game feat. Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far (Last Week #5)
Well, The Game falls three spots this week and will odds are not be able to take the #1 spot on his third attempt. It’s a shame because this video is actually alright but I would prefer something new now. Especially since he seems to think that beefing with Fiddy is okay now. Here is a famous line: Fuck Fiddy. Who said it? The Chachi.
7. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #10)

TDG moves up three more places this week! This song is a tad bit too sad sometimes but the video is very bad ass. Also its nice to see some rock in the rotation to break things up a bit.
6. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #7)
Yes, Avril Lavinge is a stones throw away from the Top Five. I LIKE this song and this video is hot. I always thought she had a hot Sarah Michelle Gellar thing going on (I really get freaked out by her nose…just creepy) and as she has gotten older it has gotten better. Oh, and she does ‘The Clock’ too. I so made that up in 2001 at Graham Central Station! Ask Griff! Eh, we have made it into the Top 5…
5. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #6)
Well look who’s back? UVERworld makes their FOURTH Top Five appearance as they attempt to get their fourth Number One video! Another video that is brilliant in its simplicity, UVERworld never really does the ‘epic video’ thing. Just them rocking out. I must say, it works.
4. Bennie K – 1001 Nights (Last Week #2)
Uh oh. Looks like Yuki and Cico need a new video FAST. After making it to the runner up spot, Bennie K is beginning a slow fall two spots and out of the Top Three. I swear if anyone needs a new album aside from Common and the Spin Doctors, it is Bennie K. Gimme my fix! Now, for the three biggest videos in the land!
3. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #4)

Hells yes. So time for the mandatory Bleach update. IT IS KICKING ASS! Ichigo just got his ass WHOOPED ON by Grimmjaw! Hitsugaya once again proved he is a bad ass 8th grader! Aqua Timez proves once again that they sound like Orange Range with one lead singer! Oh, and Kon should start his own band. I call roadie! Oh, and Yui moves into the Top Three once again. Oh man. Once again it is a showdown between John Legend and Chris Daughtry. Who wins?
2. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #3, two weeks at #1)

Daughtry pulls an UVERworld and moves back to the runner-up position after dropping the crown! He is looking to grab #1 again, I bet! Oh, in an American Idol update (since Rick don’t like the bulletins on MySpace, which I better respect if I ever want my pants back) it looks like America sent Haley home. Yes, she was all vamped up but she sang better than Blake (who I WANT TO DIE) and Phil (who just picked a song that wasn’t right for him. ‘Escape’ by Enrique Iglasias would have been bad ass) and even Sanjaya who avoided me mailing the mountain lion I reserved for Omarion and Bi. Well, we all know democracy doesn’t work so I’m cool with it. Here is to Blake finally getting the FUCKING BOOT. Well, off to Number One…
1. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #1, three weeks at #1)

…and the Champ is still here! Fuck John Cena. John Legend spends his third straight week at the top! I will admit, at first I didn’t like this video (seemed kind of boring) but after some watches it really fits the song, more so than the last two (Save Room & Heaven). Have to say, it is my favorite right now.

Well, once again that is all for this week! Tune in next Friday to see if John Legend can become the longest regining #1 of 2007 and hold on for a full month! Or will Daughtry take the throne for a second time? Can Yui put a second straight video at Number One? Check back in one week to find out! Stay up, peeps!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters is out tonight! Barring a shutdown of the theater I will so be there! It will kick more ass than Bryan Adams at The Meadowlands in 85! Unless shit hits the fan, I will have a review on Friday...the 13th? Oh shit, I totally missed that fact. Anyway...

Chachi Out.

Old White Guys Making Poor Jokes. It's CRAP-TASTIC!

Okay, it is SO time for a mini-rant. Now I actually typed this last week when I first heard this in about 10 minutes (I type fast when I am pissed). After calming down and listening to the commentary over the last week or so, I revisited and re-worked this rant to add more parts to it and redo some of my initial feelings about the situation.

First off let me say I sparingly watched Don Imus over my lifetime. I watched when I was unemployed (came on the same time as ‘Mike and Mike in the Mornings on ESPN Radio) and listened a little bit because a friend of mine listened to him and Howard Stern when I was at Denver Tech. So I am not an expert on him, but I knows funny. Now over the past year of having a blog I have said jokes about many things can be funny when timed right, albeit offensive:

Blacks
Whites
Rape (Come on! A little surprise sex never hurt anyone! Okay maybe it has…)
Irish
Jews (Oy vey! In their defense, they have the most BAD ASS jump out process EVER. Remember Jesus? Oh, snap! You don’t leave the Jews, the Jews leave you)
Muslims (Yeah, I put them right next to each other. They both need to shut the hell up and be friends)
Christians (At least Jews and Muslims don’t have ‘Christian Rock’. That alone makes you the shittiest religion; I don’t care how many of you there are. Leave the rock to Foreigner!)
Midgets
Asians (Except for Cambodians. AK-47’s for all!)
Homosexuals
Fat People
Indians (Red dot, feather and Pacer fans. Oh, Indiana isn’t the home of Indians? Well then why in the fuck did they call it that?!)
Skinny People
Special People
Ugly People (Yeah, I know I am one two. Its called self-depreciating humor)
Abuse (Physical & Verbal. Come on, you know Ike Turner is funny!)
Sex with pets (Except house pets. They are so small! Now lions and tigers? Funny as hell because if you get some of that you EARNED it)
Sex with minors (Peeing on…not so funny)
Southerners
Scientologists
Drug Addicts
Turks (IT IS CONSTANTINOPLE!!)
Catholics (Can I get a robble robble from Zach?!)
Atheists (Or Nihilists. Whichever, doesn’t matter. None of this matters)
Mel Gibson
Women (Who I am slowly beginning to soften my stance on. They smell and feel nice…)
Men/Masculinity (Shut up. Being a man isn’t farting, fighting and liking big tits. That just puts you two steps above a monkey. Wow….I just proved evolution)
Femininity
Alcoholics
Feminist (Get a grip. And that is not a sexual reference, that means literally get a grip on reality)
Necrophelia (Not really, I just tossed that in to see if you were reading)
Hindus (Seven arms and Vishnu STILL can’t throw a decent breaking slider. He will SO be in the minors until he gets a third go-to pitch)
Anorexics
Skips, Skops, Hustlers, Tramps, Ruffians, Ne’r Do Wells, Hooligans and Scallywags (I kind of just wanted to say ‘scallywags’)

…and um…I think that’s all I have covered. Wow, that’s why no one came to my birthday party. My dicketry knows no bounds. Even still, these things CAN be funny. They just AREN’T ALWAYS FUNNY. It can be the delivery. It can be the timing. Mainly, the issue is intent. Aside from Catholics, Turks and midgets most of the scathing remarks I make are in social commentary. I will say when I am saying something to be offensive. And if I don’t say, trust me you know. Those that don’t (and there were some people who didn’t. Wont name names but she’s a dumbass regardless) usually don’t get me or get IT, which is fine. Even still, I also watch my words and wont same something for the sake of being offensive or hurtful unless it is deserved. R.Kelly I am talking to you. However, I was completely pissed off by the Don Imus segment on the Rutgers women’s basketball team being ‘nappy headed hos’ and being compared to ‘jiggaboos’
By his co-host guy. Wow…where do I start?

First off, Don Imus isn’t funny. As one of the three people in America that watches MSNBC or CARES about it I had the unfortunate privilege of hearing about this almost as it happened. First off, this isn’t only a race issue. This isn’t only a woman issue. This isn’t even only a Black woman issue. This is an issue about image. Another part that gets avoid and glossed over is that they were comparing the Rutgers women (with I think 8 black players out of 12. Someone correct me if I am wrong) with the players from Tennessee, who were all for the most part either white, light-skinned or attractive. The Rutgers players were even compared to the TORONTO RAPTORS who have a damn near all Black roster and much like any other NBA team, has players that carries a look of those we see in rap videos. Sad but true. It isn’t the Tennessee players fault. I mean I likes me some Candace Parker. Hells yeah. But that doesn’t justify Don’s comments because there is more to what he said than what ESPN (who is LOVING this right now as the game was shown ON ESPN) shows.

I ranted about two months ago about beauty and people being shallow. This peeps is the ultimate in shallow. I will admit I bash the HELL out of the WNBA (mainly because it is boring to me) but I have always watched almost all college athletics, men’s and women’s. I watch women’s basketball every once in a while and shockingly I never really once looked at a team and said ‘Man, them girls look rough’. The fact Don Imus said that for ‘humor’ shows me some things about what he perceives his audience thinks is funny:

Female + Nappy heads + Tattoos (which I didn’t see on any) + Black = Ho’s

That math makes sense? Like fuck it does. Now Black women and I have had our problems. Many of them. At the same time, nothing that the Rutgers team did is in line with the definition of a ‘ho’ or whore if you will. Paris Hilton? Whore, and it is documented and she is taking Valtrex for it. Essence Carson and the Rutgers women’s basketball team? Unless they are turning tricks for tuition (which is unlikely because I am guessing they are scholarship athletes) then NO THEY ARE NOT HO’S. As for being nappy-headed, what the fuck does that have to do with anything about the game? Not a GOD DAMN THING. It is an unfair statement and it is racist, sexist and takes away from a great accomplishment by the Don Imus saying that not only did they lose, they are ugly and they give it up easily. Now I don’t honestly believe that Don Imus should be fired. Not for this, but for a long line of dumb ass, thoughtless and offensive shit said to shock people. It is long overdue and he really can’t be bringing in THAT MANY LISTENERS to justify keeping someone on the radio. At least Howard Stern has one funny joke a year. Sometimes two. The fact is that Black or White, you say something that stupid you should be held accountable.

However, something is confusing me. Why would people defend what Don Imus said? Now I will defend anyone right to say something at all times. He has the right to say anything he would like. He has the freedom of speech, but you also have the right of accountability. You can say whatever you like, but there will be an equal reaction. In this case, he shouldn’t be fired for what he said he should be fired for the reaction it got. You have the right to bear arms, but there are consequences for using it at the wrong time or illegally. You have the freedom to assemble, but you can be punished by the results or actions of or in that assembly. Uncle Ben said it, now I am saying it once-a-fucking-gain for those that don’t listen:

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

You have great power with words. Words can be more effective than any weapon known to man. Once again, with the usage of any weapon there are repercussions to using it incorrectly and at the wrong time. Don used the words incorrectly to unfairly and offensively refer to a group of women that were NONE OF THOSE WORDS and at the wrong time after the Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington, Hillary Clinton and Michael Richards flaps over the last few months. Those combined should have him in the unemployment line. Like I said, I can’t say firing is the answer because it doesn’t take back what he said and it really doesn’t change the hurt of the words.

However, by not firing him MSNBC sends the message that it is okay to be an idiot as long as you are sorry. You know what? He isn’t sorry. He feels bad the people are upset at him. He feels bad because he tried to be funny and bombed. Hell, he feels bad that sponsorships are being lost because of his words. For a first time offense it’s cool but he has made off-color to downright offensive jokes (check out some of his comments about Jews. Now I am one to talk, but still I’m not on the radio) about everything I mentioned earlier. He is trying to get rating by being provocative and offensive which is fine but this is what happens when you say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I know you will say that ‘You say racist and offensive things all the time!’ To that I say first off EAT IT. Once again, I’m not nationally syndicated and broadcast by a major news company, although I’m not sure if you can call MSNBC major. Secondly, offensive jokes aren’t all that is in my arsenal. That is all Don Imus does; he is a shock jock and his job is to shock you. Congrats you did your job, Don. You shocked America in to realizing that racism and sexism, no matter WHO it comes from is STILL racism and sexism.

Oh, and one last thing. As Americans one thing we LOVE to do is point the finger at the victim or find someone else to blame. For those of you that justify his comments with “Black men call black women ho’s all the time in rap music!” just remember first off that 95% of rap sucks. Second off, white people sign these assholes and get the majority of the money from its profit so what is the point? It is still indirect racism at the end of the day seeing as how most of the music and dancing is about chains, whips and shucking/jiving. Third off, white men call white women slut and whore (because white people SAY THE WHOLE WORD JUST LIKE THIS. Ah, Boondocks) just as much (Frat boy movies anyone? Women in the American Pie and Van Wilder movies all had such pivotal roles. Oh, and lest we forget that the devil before rap was glam/cock rock) and as for the music…yeah, Eminem killing and raping his mom is SO not worse than calling a woman a ‘ho’ to rhyme with ‘flow’. God I hate rap.

Oh yeah, quit blaming Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for the blowup of this situation. It is all the media’s fault anyway. First off, there are only two people that listen to Al and Jesse:

Old Ass Black People (Who seem to forget that it is 2007 and racism is still here but it aint the same. No need to march, niggas just need to read books and stop buying chains.)
Stupid Ass White People (Which seems to be ALL OF YOU! I mean you all know racism exists but if you aren’t part of the problem shut the fuck up!)

The fact is Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton can suck my black balls for all I care. Yes they were around when MLK Jr. got shot but you know, so the fuck what? I was watching TV when Biggie and 2Pac got shot but you don’t see me as the mouthpiece of the Black community. You know I would get us fixed up in three months. Then I would pull a Larry Brown and fix up the Asian community. God, please let someone get that joke. The fact is they talk because White people listen. I sure as hell aint and neither are the Black people I know. So White people need to just not listen to him. Ask some other Black people. Hell, ask Ja Rule for all I care but they get press time because the media GIVES THEM PRESS TIME. They are like the god damn Hulk, the more attention you give them the stronger they get just like The Hulk and anger! IGNORE THEM! Like Token said ‘Jesse Jackson isn’t the President of Black People!’ He and Al Sharpton ain’t even the Inspector Gadget and Penny of Black people! If they say you are racist for not listening to them, direct them to me. Seriously.

In closing Don Imus, as much of a fucktard as he is, didn’t owe Blacks an apology as much as he doesn’t owe women an apology. He owes an apology to those ladies that played their ass off against a kick-ass Tennessee team. The he should apologize to America for being unfunny to appeal to a demographic of intolerant people. I take myself to task everyday for the jokes I say and whether they hurt people. Is firing him for what he said about the basketball team the answer? No. Should he resign? Personally, I don’t think so.

WHAT?! After this long ass rant I say that he shouldn’t be fired and he shouldn’t resign?! No. Quite simply…comedy is hit or miss. We all have jokes that have bombed out in a major way. I honestly believe that a joke like that could never have been funny especially because he was directing the joke at undeserving players. I don’t believe Don Imus is funny. Never have, odds are never will. I believe in his right to say this and you know what? I even believe him when he says he isn’t a racist. A racist believes they are better than someone due to their race and I don’t believe he is better than those players. I do believe that he made a offensive statement (just because they had ‘nappy hair’ and tattoos they were ho’s) about them for the purpose of humor. Which I have done calling 50 Cent “King Kong’ and T-Pain a ‘predalope’. Funny? I think so, but not really.

The simple fact is if I made that comment at my job I would be fired. If Rick said that job at his job, he would be fired. If Griff made that at his job…you get the idea. Don Imus works for NBC Radio. I’m sure they have rules about diversity and on the job conversation. If this falls in line with this, he should be fired. If not, he stays. Tough shit, America. He still aint all that funny.

And that is my rant. It had been pissing me off for a minute and I had to get that out. Oy…that was LONG. My longest rant yet. It was actually three rants in one (Don Imus, The Racetastic Duo and What is Funny Reloaded) so it was a triple treat for the peeps. I will be back on Thursday (maybe) and Friday for the Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

I Have Defeated The Beast!

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304th Post Fool! What!

Good morning peeps! It is a lovely…cold Monday here in the CSP and as usual, I gotta pay the bills if you get my drift. Anyway, what is up? Did everyone enjoy Easter Weekend? Did you have EGG HUNT PARTAY?! I know I didn’t. Too damn cold for that shit.

So first off I want to thank you guys. For not seeing Grindhouse. The Tarentino/Rodriguez mindrape of a horror film finished behind Ice Cube’s Are We There Yet (a lesser of two evils, I guess) and I could not be happier. If there was EVER a man living off the popularity of old work more than Diddy, it’s Quentin. No, I didn’t fill the cup over Kill Bill 1&2 (they were okay but I didn’t need to change my pants out of pleasure like I had to do for 300) and Jackie Brown can KISS MY ASS (white people can say nigger, Quentin Tarentino cannot. New rule, he’s a prick and a racist). Aside from Pulp Fiction (which is an acquired taste I admit, but me likee) and Reservoir Dogs (which kicks ass on the Steve Buchemi factor alone), his whole fucking catalog of movies sucks ass. And don’t say From Dusk Til Dawn because that had George Clooney in it and that smug asshole cannot act. I don’t care what anyone says; he can eat a dick and die as far as I’m concerned. Yes, I know Salma Hayek strips because it’s the only part I remember not sucking.

As for Robert Rodriguez, he is living off of Frank Miller right now because of Sin City. Now of all films out there, Sin City is the most acquired taste of all. People either hated it or loved it (I for one dug it because it was relatively close to the graphic novel) and that is to be expected with comic book movies. Think about it; what had he done before? El Mariachi. Okay, that rocked. But dude, SPY KIDS?! The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl?! Yeah, cinematic genius right there, fucktard. Seriously, the work Zach and I did on Pirates vs. Ninjas was better than that. And we used Legos! Which despite their awesomeness, are unionized now which makes working with them kind of a hassle.

Quite simply, Quentin Tarentino makes movies for the same music R.Kelly pees on minors: he can get away with it because of previous work. R.Kelly has I Believe I Can Fly and Quentin has Pulp Fiction. Well let me tell you something Quentin. Steven Spielberg EARNED the right to make an A.I. and a Minority Report (both of which sucked). You know why? He gave us Goonies, Gremlins, Back To The Future, The Color Purple and Animaniacs. He earned a brainfart every now and then. You on the other hand have earned jackshit. I would rather sit through the Passion of Christ with members of Focus on the Family than watch another one of your movies. You suck. As for Robert…way to cheat on your wife of five kids. You disgust me. True or not, you still suck. People, don’t see Grindhouse. This isn’t normal math: two negatives don’t make a positive this time. AVOID!

Now, for some bad news. The weather report is saying there will be another cold front in on Friday. I am NOT MISSING ATHFCMFFT! You hear me Mother Nature?! I will go Kratos on your ass if you made it impossible for me to see this movie! I WILL ROCK YOUR FACE! Yes…we are bored. Man, I cannot WAIT to see this movie. It is going to be the polar opposite of Grindhouse: ‘Teh Awesome’.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back later on this week (Wednesday or Thursday) before the Countdown on Friday. Before I leave you, I just have one thing to say: Morning Musume. When did they get all hot on me?

Man, I used to listen to them all the time. Then Maki Goto went all Kumi Koda on me (which has its’ pros and cons because I would take her out for brunch) so I stopped listening to j-pop and got back in to hip hop for a while. Not one of my wiser decisions. Even still….damn. They’s HAWT. Until next time, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

Yeah, I'm A Tad Bit Cold.

Okay, I learned...very little this weekend. However, some good lessons came out of Easter Weekend:

1) People in Colorado cannot drive on ice. I mean, I'm not Toad or Mario but I can manage to not flip my car over by going 65 on ice. Oh, and when a car is on its side, do NOT ask 'Is everything okay?' Of course everything is okay, fucktard. Cars are always on their sides in 24 degree weather. Dont spawn, dumbass.
2) Da Ali G Show kicked ass. Here is hoping for a Bruno movie!
3) Mother nature is a biggity-bitch. I am sick of the snow and cold in the damn Springtime. Albeit it may not officially be spring, it is fucking Easter. Guess this means Jesus was crucifed in a blizzard. Would make for a lot better story, I must say.
4) God of War II shoud be the new bible. Kratos is bigger and better than Jesus. Lets see Jesus take down the Kraken (or Robert Parish in the paint. Same thing except the Kraken has a bit of an outside jumper) or a Cerebus.
5) Speaking of God of War II...BOOBIES!!! Who needs a woman when the Sisters of Fate decide a full shirt and bras are optional? AND you get to stab then in the face when you are done! Two birds, one blade. Yeah, I have issues.
6) Ninjas + Vampires = ...I dont know. It may be too awesome for the human brain to combine. Nothing really to that, I just think ninja vampires would be really fucking cool.
7) Gummi Bears Seasons 1-3 for 23 dollars is the greastest deal since the Herchel Walker trade. Since odds are only Rick and Griff (and maybe Zach) remember that trade that joke has no frame of refence but it makes sense. Gummi berry juice, fools! The original alcohol!
8) Akon is no Keith Sweat. As much as I despise Keith Sweat (oh, and I DO) he is ten times better than Akon. There you telling me no, again! Ah...story of my life.
9) Chocolate covered Nutter Butters. What kind of fat bastard must you be to say 'How could I make this fatening ass cookie even more fattening? Throw some chocolate on that bitch!' Hmm...that may work better than 'Throw Some Cheese' Man, I'm a fat dude but man....you must be a FAT FUCK to find that even slightly appetizing.
10) Applesauce is godly. Seriously, that stuff is TASTY. I prefer it not with a whole bunch of jibber jabber (strawberries, mango, berries, etc) but I can handle it.

Hope you enjoyed Easter, people! Remember, you dont have to be Catholic to enjoy the holiday.
You just have to be Catholic to give a shit.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters this Friday!

Chachi Out

Mother Nature....Eh, Screw It.

Yes it is another Friday and you know what that means. Its time for the…

Chachi Top 20 Video Countdown!

Its been a while, and there are a few new videos out, so here is another installment of…

Bubbling Under

Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder

Okay, I will be the first to admit that Maroon 5 got REAL annoying REAL quick with their creepy ass song ‘She Will Be Loved’. However, I initially DID like that video (albeit again creepy) and Sunday Morning KICKED ASS. I just saw this video this morning and I likes it. It may be on here soon! Next…shit.

DJ Khalied w/Akon, T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Baby & Lil Wayne – We’re Taking Over

Fuck. Everyone on here (aside from Baby who is embracing his Diddy role as # 1 talker) is tolerable and T.I. and Lil Wayne are two of my favs. Then you have Akon, who tries his damnedest to kill this song and video. Even still, I have been jamming to this for about two months now and it is about time there was a video for this! Finally, we have a group that actually has a #1 video on the Chachi Top 20 to their credit…

Beat Crusaders – Ghost

Hey, welcome back, guys! I haven’t heard much from them since Tonight, Tonight, Tonight from last year which went to #1 during September (NDK, fool!). I am liking this song and the video has an Evansesence feel to it. Welcome back! Now, onto the Countdown!

20. TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R. (Last Week #16)
After a pretty good run, the Boyz look on the verge of falling out of the Top 20. I still like this video, but I am waiting for a little something new from both camps. Especially Kanye, seeing as how he has toned down the stupidity. Also, pick up Cosmicolor from M-Flo! It is some good stuff and Crystal Kay is HAWT.
19. Rascal Flats – Stand (New Entry)

Yes, the Gang has returned. Okay, before you say anything eat my ass. I like Rascal Flats on my own terms, not shoved down my throat like ‘What Hurts The Most’ was last year. It was in a PSA about bro rape last year. Think about the lyrics and that is funny. Even still, the have a Number One video to their credit (yes, it was Number One on the Countdown for a week) and I for one am happy to see them back on here.
18. Namie Amuro – Funky Town (Last Week #20)
Yeah, I likes the Namie. Just got the single from Jpop N Kpop and I actually like the B-side more than the single. Even still…she has some legs on her I tell you what. And that is enough to get her to move up two spots.
17. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #14)
Mmmmm…give me some more May J now!
16. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (Last Week #19)
Yes, Kumi and I are back on speaking terms. Sometimes it’s best to hash things out and remain friends. As thanks for our reconciliation, she dances up three spots this week.
15. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #12)
So I just got the Korn Unplugged album. Not gonna lie, I hated the whole ‘nu-metal’ movement and really didn’t like Korn at all. But stripped down and adding the hot as hell Amy Lee on vocals it is rather tolerable. And they made Radiohead sound cool. Yeah, I said it. I don’t get Radiohead. Except for the fact they suck ass. As does Coldplay. Who wants some of me?! Bring it bitches!
14. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (Last Week #7, #1 for three weeks, Plunge of the Week)

I cry a little and I cant help it. I really dig this song and the video was so simple it was awesome. It would make me cry if I wasn’t such a jerk.
13. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #15)
So this song was on the radio yesterday (not sure what station, they all kind of blend together) last week while I was looking for the weather report. That is good because this song is bad ass and the video is pretty damn good to boot.
12. Monkey Majik feat m-flo – Picture Perfect (Last Week #13)
Monkey Majik is slowly but surely making their way into the Top 10. Just like the song, the video has grown on me since the first time I saw it and now it is one of my favorites. I gotta get more of their stuff.
11. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #17, Biggest Mover)

Yes! Yuna Ito makes the biggest jump this week and lands just outside of the Top 10! This video kicks ass and the live performances I am seeing make me have a brand new infatuation. Move over, May J. Yuna Ito is the object of my obsession! Onto the Top 10!
10. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #11)
We begin the Top 10 with a little bit of RAWK for your face. Three Days Grace has their first official Top Ten video with this one. I wonder if they have a new album out soon. Didn’t One-X come out about a year ago?
9. Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’ (Last Week #6)
It is a sad day for Hinoi Team. It all breaks down that….you have to be of age to make it into the Top Five I guess. May J and Yui made it (Both 19. Ground rule double!) but young ladies…I CANNOT go to prison. Even for Rina. God, I hate myself.
8. Home Made Kazoku – Nagaraboshi ~Shooting Star~ (Last Week #9)
HMK has a new video out! Just as this video was making some moves, too! As soon as I get it I will let you know whether it rocks the box or not.
7. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #10)

So I just got the version of this song with a Japanese hook/refrain. Dare I say, it actually improves on the original? Because I’m gonna say it. Avril moves up three big spots for the Top 10’s biggest mover this week. I am considering checking out the album.
6. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #8)
Takuya and the boys creep ever so close to the Top Five once again! I actually have the first album I listened to from beginning to end since Common’s Be album. Great work on BUGRIGHT, guys! Now, off to the Top Five
5. Game feat. Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far (Last Week #4)
The Game falls back a spot but still stays in the Top 5 with this vid. So after Tony ‘The Tot Toppler’ Yayo’s attack on Jimmy Rosemond’s son The Game has fired back and threatened violence on Tony and Fiddy. Part of me really wants to see Fiddy get what’s coming to him Planet of the Apes style. Yet, most of me hates this whole ‘hip hop feud’ bullshit. The only good hip-hop feud was Roxanne Shante and Whodini. Albeit I was like four, but still.
4. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #5)
Well look who is back! Welcome home, baby. I missed you! Yui inches closer to her second Number One by flip flopping with The Game. This video is awesome and she is just so damn cute! Oh, and her album came out last week and it was SO WORTH THE DAMN WAIT! Great stuff! Now, to the Top Three! The same trio, but were there any changes?
3. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #1, two weeks at #1)

You bet your ass there were changes. After two weeks at #1, including a tie with John Legend, Daughtry lets go of the top spot. Oh, American Idol updates! Sanjaya still sucks but is trying so hard, Jordin is looking HAWT and America sent home Gina. Why I am not sure but it proves once again that voting doesn’t work. Douchebrawl proved it. The 2000 election proved it. The blue M&M proved it (MAGENTA, BITCHES!). So with Daughtry at #3, do we have a new Number One video?
2. Bennie K – 1001 Nights (Last Week #3)

Oooohhhh, so close! Bennie K makes a bid for their second #1 video! Joy Trip knocked Heaven from the #1 spot in January; can Yuki and Cico once again rain on a certain Legends’ parade? We’ll see! Until then, you know who is Number One…
1. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #1, two weeks at #1)

John Legend is one week away from tying T.I. for the most weeks a #1 combined (5 weeks for Save Room, 2 for Heaven and now 2 for this video for a total of 9 to T.I.’s 10 weeks)! Last years winner for the Artist of the Year Chachi is making another bid for that award with a rather dominating performance in 2007! Congrats, John!

Well, that is all for this week peeps! Can John Legend hold on to the Top Spot for a third week in a row? Or will Bennie K secure the crown for the second time? Don’t forget about Daughtry, it may not be over for him at the top! Tune in next Friday same Chachi time, same Chachi site!

Chachi Out.

Get Of My Porch...YOU NO-GOODER!!

What is up, peeps! It’s mid-week and it has been kind of a letdown since Griff and Nick left. Eh, thems the breaks though. I still have my Kon plushie so that’s cool.

Well, it is time for a little commentary. As a few of you know, there has been uproar over the last few months (I will say since about fall of 2006) about a certain word. And you all know the word, so if you are offended by it get in line. Now since I have had this blog up I have defended the use of a lot of things for humor including sexual orientation, weight, promiscuity and even rape. Yes, rape CAN BE FUNNY in its definition, not in its action and perpetration of. So today, here is a little commentary from the Chachi.

One To Grow On: The Word NIGGER

Now as one who uses the word (albeit sparingly and usually in referring to 50 Cent and is proceeded by ‘stupid ass’) I am kind of an expert on the word. The fact is that the word is offensive. Plain and simple. Just like saying ‘faggot’ brings up visions of Matthew Shepard and ‘rape’ brings up visions of ‘The Accused’ (which is another rant altogether because that movie….boo is all I can say) the word has a negative aura about it. When used incorrectly.

When used correctly, at the right time in the right circumstance there can be nothing and I mean NOTHING funnier than a nigger. Niggers are funny. Niggers are good and good for you. Niggers are like Lays, you can’t have just one! But get too many niggers in one place and there is gonna be violence. Because niggers don’t appreciate shit. You ever had a nigger at your house? When they were gone, did you have any food left? Nope, because niggers don’t share. Niggers is selfish. They eat the last slice of pizza and drink the last bit of Kool-Aid and don’t even ask. You know what that is? That is some niggerish action right there.

You see, that was funny. I wasn’t talking about anyone in specific, not was I making a comment about anyone’s race. Because a nigger can be any race. When you specifically say ‘Hey, nigger’ (heard that) or ‘Niggers can’t get gas here’ (heard that one, too) and ‘Every time a nigger gets a job over me, an angel loses its wings’ (yeah…haven’t heard that one yet but someone has said it. I’m sure of it) that right there is NOT funny. That is a direct attack on an individual used to demean or hurt them. Before you say that saying something someone did is ‘niggerish’ is just as offensive, you are dead on with that. The difference is…that I am fucking hilarious. It says so on my stationary AND my resume. Which also says I was the lead singer of Troop but hey, can’t nobody say I wasn’t. Name a member! Yeah, I thought so.

In all seriousness, the word nigger is offensive. It has a long history of being hateful and being used to strip away the individuality of Blacks and place them as something below the user. It is not a word that can be taken and given a ‘positive’ context like women claim with ‘bitch’ and ‘whore’ or homosexuals claim for ‘faggot’. I have never really believed in that standpoint, mainly because just because a Black person calls me a nigger doesn’t mean it won’t hit a button. You know what?

THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY.

I know that sounds weird, but hear me out. The reason the word nigger can work so well in humor is the fact that it is so damn hurtful, even to this day with every rapper rhyming nigger with…well nigger because rappers know nothing about alliteration for the most part. I had the Martin Luther King Jr. rant from the Boondocks up a while back and every word in there except ‘niggers hate to hurry’ (he sadly hasn’t seen a 50 Cent concert) was true. Not to mention fucking hilarious. The truth was in its hilarity and vice versa. People that get upset about the usage of the word are justified. However, that is what the word is for; to upset people. It wasn’t created as another word for hello, it was created to strip away (like I said before) a persons individuality and show them as nothing but ignorance. The word should not only incite anger, but incite a change in what the hell you are doing. Now if you don’t act like a nigger, and someone calls you a nigger, then that nigger is a nigger themselves. It makes sense when you think about it. And that is one to grow on. Besides, this song would make no sense if it was banned:

Ah, I am so gonna be Uncle Ruckus for Halloween if I can’t get a Number 24 from Venture Brothers costume working.

I will be back on Friday for the Top 20 Video Countdown. Until then, stay up.

Chachi Out

A Friend Is Just A Stranger You Havent Stabbed.

A special post today. Some words are in order after this busy weekend as we have a special...

Chachi's Lessons To Grow On!

This week I learned about: Friendship

I never really give friends their due for the most part. Seeing as how I only have...five or so I really should do it more. Having two leave in the span of 24 hours made me think about it so I have some things to say:

1) Griff is my dog for life. Been through so much stuff with that cat. This must be what it was like for Crockett and Tubbs when Miami Vice went off the air. From the Top Ramen Incident to throwing him out of my house the first time he beat me in Madden after a FIVE YEAR undefeated streak against everyone. Its rough for me to make and keep friends because I am as cuddle as a fucking porcupine, but he has stayed true to the Duece even after he stole my woman (even though I stole his first. Payback is a bitch). Stay up, homie. Next time youre up, we's playing NBA Shootout 97 and I am brining back the Johnson Twins!

2) I'm actually going to miss the conflicted Morman musings that was Skinnerman. Hanging out in the S-Cave isnt going to be as cool without the man that coined 'Hampster-Dam'. I give props, that was funny as hell. Only knew you for a bit, but you were the lesser of the Skinner evils, especially since we had no 'Bonnie Tyler' moments like Nolan and I had (AWKWAAAAARD). Even with the mulititude of man-dates and the ambigous exchanges in public ('You hang out with my brother, too?! You slut!') it was cool hanging with you. Stay cool in Phoenix because odds are you wont. That place if frickin hot. Take care of yourself and never lose the spirit. Because you are a sweet spirit. Sons of Provo joke...
3) Rick. I am the king of dicketry. Once again I back out of a DENVER PARTAY and I again say 'dick move' on my part. I should treat the guy that let me rant and rave like a drunken asshole (because I am an asshole and I was drunk) a lot better. And I nearly threw up on your couch. Hell, noting the color scheme I may actually have. Even still, stay up I will get you back someday before I turn 27. Which isnt to far off, shit I'm getting old. Oh, and I seem to have misplaced my pants.

That is all for now. The people I didnt mention I owe money to. And you aint ever gonna get that shit. If I dont pay my bills on time, what makes you think I'm going to pay YOU on time?! I leave my friends with a song from the small screen classic Saved By The Bell...

Good night, peeps.

The Champ Is Here!

Evening, peeps! Well, it has come to an end. After a month of voting we have a new Champion of Douchebrawl. So lets get right to it!

Douchebrawl Championship

(1) Mel Gibson 40%
Vs.
(6) Lindsay Lohan 60%

Yes, we have an upset peeps! Lindsay Lohan has taken the Douchebrawl throne after a whirlwind of beating top seeds left and right. It was quite an upset by celeb standpoints, as Lindsay has been more of a trainwreck than a douche. I mean, Mel Gibson’s douchiness knows no bounds or limits (he is like the Hulk of douches. The more douchey he gets the more powerful he becomes) and I thought either he or Bono was a lock. However, the peeps voted and have given the crown this year to Lindsay. I must give her congratulations! For Mel, it was another year of coming oh so close. For Lindsay, it is sweet. Sweet victory…

You are the Champion, Lindsay. May you enjoy your reign!

Also, today my homie T’Sheezy flew back to Texas after a few days of cutting it loose. Man, it was good times. Also, one of the members of A2B will be sadly leaving the group. Nik will be leaving to Phoenix tomorrow morning leaving A2B down to three members. And that is just LAME. LFO had three members, and where are they now? The work at the Chapel Hills Mall at Macy’s. So, with that being said we will once again hold open tryouts for the final TWO spots in A2B. Also, we are looking for dancers and hypemen (and a rapper if possible) so feel free to let me know if you have any kind of skills whatsoever.

Well, tomorrow is the beginning of another work week so it is time to be out. I will try to be back during the week for a rant (and BOY do I have some pent up aggression to get out) before Friday. Until then, stay up peeps.

Chachi Out.

You Know, I Learned Something ELSE Today...

Okay, pretty jacked up day today. I did take these gems away from it:

1) 'Throw Some Cheese' remix of 'Throw Some Ds' could be a Top Ten hit.
2) Griff needs to learn how to keep his fucking mouth shut. There are some things I have kept hidden for a decade, and he tried to ruin that shit. Good job, fucky.
3) Cosmix sucks. I mean seriously, they have been expanding that fucking highway since Wu Tang Clan was popular.
4) I get pwned at Tekken. Yeah, I am 'teh suck' and Griff schooled me....
5) ....BUT I WILL ROCK YOUR FACE IN MADDEN! Yeah, if it wasnt for a botched kick and DeAngelo Hall falling down I would have had a shut out. I had 500 yards of total offense from the FALCONS.
6) I am the TRIVIA MASTER. Bring it, I challenge anyone and will crush all comers. David Bowie may have been at the head of the craze, but I mastered it.
7) People are DISGUSTING. Someone left a stinky mud baby in the urinal at Dave & Busters. Just....fucking wrong.
8) Hello Kitty rules, fool! Used my 10 speed ticket fund to pick up a few Hellu Kitty things. Pez despenser. Does it GET any cooler?!
9) House of the Dead 4 is AWESOME. Yeah, aside from Griff using his grenade to kill ONE PERSON it was a kickass game. Except the ending sucked it dry.
10) I missed midgets. Dude...man...fuck. It could have been like a field goal extravaganza of kicked little people! SHIT!

Oh, and some dipfuck bumped my car in the parking lot. I wanted to take the beating stick to it, but then I'M at fault. Crazy world. Oh, and no more round-a-bouts in the CSP until you can make it through the first one. England can use them because they drive on the wrong side and are used to it. Trust me, it makes sense. Americans on the other hand are FUCKING STUPID and cant drive on an OVAL. Think about it.

Meh, I am off to play God of War II before bed. Be sure to vote in Douchebrawl! Polls close tonight!

Chachi Out.

Hmm. Well This Is Quite The Odd Moment.

What’s up, peeps! It is another Friday so you know what that means! Time for the…

CHACHI TOP 20 VIDEO COUNTDOWN!

And AWAY we go with a debut!

20. Namie Amuro – Funky Town (New Entry)

Well that didn’t take long. While the song isn’t as kick ass as ‘Baby Don’t Cry’ but the video has Namie in thigh highs and a skirt. Nuff said. Not only that, but funky fresh dance moves. Come on, people! That is really all a video needs to catch my attention. Welcome to the Countdown again!
19. Kumi Koda – Get Up & Move! (New Entry)

Kumiko is back, this time in clothed form! More than usual, anyway. This video has grown on me (mainly due to the myriad of live performance which made me give up my boycott on women) and that’s what gets it on this week. And actually, the song is rather catchy, too. I had ‘But’ up last week, but I like “Black Cherry’ and this song is G-R-O-O-V-Y. Welcome back to Miss Koda as well!
18. Yui – Rolling Star (Last Week #15, #1 for three weeks, Plunge of the Week)
It’s about time to say goodbye to the reigning queen of the Countdown of 2007. With Nelly Furtado out of the Countdown, Yui is the 2nd longest reigning video on here. With CHE.R.RY moving up things aint so bad, though.
17. Yuna Ito – I’m Here (Last Week #19)
Yummy. That is all. And I got her acoustic show from JPopsuki and hells yes. Her voice is just majestic. Yes, I said majestic. It is up there, odds are better than all the artists out there so far. You hear that Christina? And she didn’t have to wear hot pants to do it! Although…that wouldn’t be so bad. I’m just saying!
16. TERIYAKI BOYZ feat Kanye West – I Still Love H.E.R. (Last Week #13)
So M-Flo could set a little bit of history. Seeing as how he has been working with the FINE ASS Crystal Kay and it is hot on the heels of making it on the Countdown, M-Flo could be involved with FOUR videos on here. That would be a record for real! Looks like someone new is in the running for Artist of the Year!
15. K-OS – Sunday Morning (Last Week #17)

K-OS moves up two more spots this week with his first foray into the Countdown. Just got his album and it aint too shabby. A few too many samples, but aside from that it rocks the box. Oh, and guess what? Funky fresh prom dance moves in this one! Yeah, I didn’t go to my prom. Oy vey…I am so going to cry now…
14. May J feat. VERBAL – Here We Go (Last Week #11)
…May J knows how to cheer me up!  The longest running video on the Countdown so far is two weeks away from breaking UVERworld’s record for Shamrock! She already broke the record for being in the Top 10, all without reaching number one! Quite the accomplishment!
13. Monkey Majik feat m-flo – Picture Perfect (Last Week #14)
Monkey Majik is still going strong with this one, moving up one spot. Just got the M-Flo ‘Cosmicolor’ album (thank you again, Roxanne!) and got the record version. Quite different. I must say, I like the video version better. Even still, I am also tolerating the song with Seamo a little more. It may be on here because I dig classroom videos.
12. Evanescence – Lithium (Last Week #8)
Out of the Top 10 for Amy Lee. After falling short of the Top Spot yet again, Evanescence continues their downward swing.
11. Three Days Grace – Never Too Late (Last Week #16, Biggest Mover)
Don’t stop a rockin’! Three Days Grace is looking for their first Top 10 video! So anyone privy on when their new work comes out? I would figure it is about time and all.
10. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Last Week #12)

Okay, I will get some shit for this. I don’t care, this song is groovy! I know Avril gets a bad rap from a lot (well, all of) you and its kind of unwarranted. Okay, her first album pissed me off to no end (although I liked I’m With You) but her second one was pretty good. So quit hating! Although I am pissed off about the manga, but at least I haven’t seen it anywhere.
9. Home Made Kazoku – Nagaraboshi ~Shooting Star~ (Last Week #10)
Home Made Kazoku moves up one spot this week! One of the better Naruto closing themes and actually a rather simple video. Good stuff for the fans out there.
8. UVERworld – Zero no Kotae (Last Week #9)
The ‘World moves up another spot this week, too. This video has found a groove with me. Now I like it because the video kicks ass, not just because it is UVERworld which used to be the case. Here is hoping for a video for ‘51%’ soon!
7. Namie Amuro – Baby Don’t Cry (Last Week #3, #1 for three weeks)
After dominating the Countdown for three weeks, Namie falls four more spots and out of the Top Five with this video. It’s all good, she has a new one on to make up for it. All is well.
6. Hinoi Team – Dancin’ and Dreamin’ (Last Week #6)
Dancin, dreamin and staying put at #6 for a second week. Hinoi Team is doing well with their first video if I say so myself. Even sadder is I know the majority of the dance moves to this video because I have seen it so many times. Yet, funky fresh dance moves rule so bite me. Even with those, Hinoi Team waits outside of the Top Five.
5. Yui – CHE.R.RY (Last Week #7)

Yay! Yui makes it in to the Top Five with her second video! Hey, I love this song. It’s a ringtone, it was my MySpace song AND gets the most watching on the playlist. Oh, and the HD live performance is quite the awesome if I say so myself. Hooray for Yui!
4. Game feat. Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far (Last Week #5)
Seems The Game has some beef with Vida Guerra. Not cool, Game. Vida is fine as all hell and I love her. Do not besmirch her name, fool! Even still, love the video. Also, The Game is on the verge of his third Top 3 video! Can he make it happen? Some big names are above him…
3. Bennie K – 1001 Nights (Last Week #4)

…Like these ladies! Bennie K is making moves to get their second #1 video! This video has been sneaking up and has been making it’s round on the MP3 mix in the car. Still waiting for some album action. Until then, have this video in HD to watch. Can you say SAUCY? I know I can! Now, its time for a first on the Chachi Video Countdown…
1. Daughtry – It’s Not Over (Last Week #1, two weeks at #1)

Yes, that is a #1 where a two should be. You aren’t seeing things. Daughtry spends his second week at Number One with this video! Still pissed off about missing Chris getting voted off (his performance was lackluster) while Sanjaya was actually…tolerable with his rendition of ‘Bathwater’ which is one of my favorite No Doubt songs. That idiot that did ‘Love Song’ should have been voted off. We already have ONE J-Tim and that is ENOUGH! Damn teenage white girls. Anyway, yes there was a TIE for the #1 spot. Who is the other artist?
1. John Legend – PDA (We Just Don’t Care) (Last Week #2, one week at #1)

Yeah, you know it! John Legend has his 3rd Number 1 video to tie him with UVERworld for the most EVER! This video is a great watch and the song is also a ringtone. I have no woman to GIVE IT TO but it is there as the generic one (switching between ‘Freeway’ by Bi of course). Congrats to Chris and John on sharing the Top Spot!

That is it for this week, peeps! Who will stay at the top of the mountain: Daughtry or John Legend? Or can Bennie K or The Game leapfrog and take Number One? Yui is back in the mix after a five week hiatus, can she take the throne again? Tune in next week and find out!

Chachi Out

Man, My Life Gets Weirder By The Day.

What is up peeps! It is another gloriously shitty Monday in the CSP! I left a job in Denver for THIS?! At least I can wake up 45 minutes late and make it to work with one minute left to spare. Now THAT is good stuff.

So I first off want to thank everyone (all eight or nine of you) for voting in Douchebrawl. Aside from Beth and Zach, I don’t think anyone approves of the finalists (seeing as how democracy took the Bono/Paris Hilton final I was hoping for and shot it down like so many of my goddamn dreams) but that is what you get for not voting. Take note, because next year it is the battle of the All-Stars as Tom Cruise, Heather Graham and 50 Cent all return! Yeah, I am bringing out the big guns in 2008.

So I have a little rant in me. It is less of a rant, more of a complaint. I went cologne shopping on Saturday and first off why does all men’s cologne reek of ‘man-whore?’ I mean due to my indecisiveness I had to buy two (Giorgo something and Yves Saint Laurent which makes me smell like I am looking for the kind of love I don’t want), and that makes me double the skank. I am now what I despise. Anyway, one thing I have noticed recently is that I have been complimented on my dress by women. A lot. Now it is always nice to receive a compliment, especially when you are use to being laughed at and rejected. However, the line after the ‘Wow, you look nice/smell nice/don’t make me want to call security’ is followed by ‘What’s the occasion? Date tonight?’

This pisses me off because they know DAMN WELL no woman wants to date me. NONE. Rightfully so, I’m kind of a spaz and TOTALLY a jerk. Even with my…like two good qualities I know damn well that the odds of me getting a date between 1 and 10 is about Omaha, Nebraska. The simple fact is I don’t dress nice to impress the ladies because I have seen the dudes they are with so they must not care. I mean have you SEEN the fucktards with girlfriends these days? Half of them look like frat house rejects fresh off ‘bro-ing out with the bros’ while the others look swarthier than a Turkish boat tycoon dipped in Crisco and yet THEY get the honies. High school really never ends. So it is obvious the dress has very little to do with it or I am missing something (which I am most likely but I like my explanation better so NYAH).

The simple reason I dress nice (or as nice as I can on the budget I have) is for me. I can’t dress nice to look good? I mean lets face it; all this Come-And-Get-It is going to WASTE and I can’t let that slide. I mean, the best part about mancake is the frosting anyway. Am I right? Yeah, you know it. Every once in a while a man likes to get all gussied up and strut like Saturday Night Fever. Pop yo collar and get your walk on, so to speak. Only difference is that when I strut, Bi’s ‘I’m Coming’ is playing and I don’t do the pelvic thrusts because there are children around and they are the future. They don’t need to see that. So ladies, the next time you see me and I am looking all good it aint for you. Oh no, it is for ME because I likes to look FAB-YOU-LOUS!

Now, to what could be the greatest movie about dancing since Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. Here is ‘Kickin It Old Skool’:


Oh, I am so there. And did you see The Hoff and Kitt?! OH HELLS YES! Funky fresh dance moves aplenty! Well, that is all for now. Oh, one more thing. When Nick and I went to the Park Meadows Mall on Saturday, we saw something disturbing. Since when were females under the age of 18 allowed to go to Victoria’s Secret? I am sure I’m the only one that finds a problem with this (like I’m the only one that finds issue with 12 year old boys with Grillz and white tees) but this is fucking stupid. I mean this is part of the Dumbening of America right here. Girls have no need to be in Victoria’s Secret just like young men have no need to shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. Who are these girls trying to impress? I will tell you: dirty old men. And good luck with that shit. No good can come out of this trend. My daughter is going to be a fucking Spartan warrior. No way is she dressing like the eleven and twelve year olds at the mall. I mean I am not saying to dress like the Jane Austen times but for Jebus sake wear something that doesn’t sat ‘Hot Slut’ on it (and I have seen that, it is why I’m upset).

Oh and young boys are even WORSE. I was out at the Chapel Hills Mall yesterday on my comic run and to torment the dogs in the pet store by making it look like I am going to take them home when there was (once again) a scantily dress young child and there was a pack of 4 boys coming out of the theater. She was walking near me (not too close, but close enough to be in earshot if I spoke under my breath) and she said I smelled nice (to which I said thanks and wanted to run the hell away because jailbait is sadly the new thirty) and sped up to be side by side when the pack came to the area she was out and began ‘hitting on’ her in the most vulgar way possible. It made ‘Get Low’ seem like Cyrano as one actually said ‘Damn, your ass is working those jeans girl!’ No shit, I actually was going to just leave when I looked and she obviously looked uncomfortable as they literally kept on about how she was dressed for about 30 seconds or so as I was going to head to the comic book store. It was at that point I decided that turn stop and turn around. I walked toward them a few steps and told them ‘Hey, show some respect.’ At that point they looked at me like I was a police officer and said the most damning thing ever. ‘I didn’t know she was your girl, man.’

WTF?! I had to correct them quick and tell them she WASN’T my girlfriend but that they were being dicks and act like they had some sense. At that point it was like ‘Whateva, nigga’ and they left (keep in mind, these were four white kids that were dressed like bros, hence my total anger). What sucked EVEN MORE is that the girl followed me from the pet store to the Borders to Pacific Blue to the damn Food Court BACK TO BORDERS. More than likely it was for protection but I felt totally uncomfortable about that.

The reason I rant about this mostly is that it is a Catch 22. Women can’t dress ANYWAY for the most part because for the most part, men are perverts. On one hand I felt bad for her because she was just there to buy shoes while her mother was looking at other stuff (I feel totally creepy for having knowing her damn life story) and according to her she was harassed the WHOLE TIME. She didn’t do anything to attract it aside from dressing provocatively (which she was) but I wouldn’t put it into the realm of some of the stuff I have seen at the club. On the other hand, why in the hell would she dress like that at 15 any-damn-way? Just because you have it doesn’t mean you should flaunt it, at any age. Yet, just because she flaunts it is no excuse for a man to objectify it. You see? It is like a sexist game of Pong. There is no real right or wrong. That is what makes the problem of the sexes to difficult to rectify. So you know what? It is officially the South Park Theory about the N-Word: I don’t get it.

I will NEVER understand what it is like for a woman to be objectified solely for her body. However, a woman will NEVER understand the position of being a man in which no matter which route you choose, you could be wrong. Some women wear tight clothes to BE objectified (don’t even say that shit aint true, ladies) while some wear tight clothes for empowerment (HAHAHAHAHAHA….bullshit) or just because they want to. If you are wrong about her decision then may god help you. There is no victory, only the understanding that we will never understand. Rather than trying to understand each other as a whole, focus on understanding each person as an individual. Makes prejudice a lot harder. And that is one to grow on.

Well, that is all for now. I will try to be back up before the Countdown on Friday but I may not be because THE GRIZZLE IS COMING BACK ON WEDNSESDAY!! I hope you take pictures of the CSP now, because this motha is gonna be turned UPSIDE DOWN when we get done with it! We came to throwdown! Until the next time, stay up peeps!

Chachi Out.